The Ramsey Show - App - DAVE RANT: Set Boundaries With Your Dysfunctional Family! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Dave Ramsey & George Kamel discuss: How dysfunctional family situations always lead to money problems, When it's time to downsize. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where dad is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. George Campbell, Ramsey personality, host of The Fine Print on Ramsey Networks, is my co-host today as we answer your questions about your relationships, your money, your mental health issues, your family. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's a subject. And, of course, your money as always so career we'll dip it we'll dip into all of it here

it's what we do again 888-825-5225 adams in philadelphia hi adam welcome to the ramsey show how's it going great man what's up um nothing much i i guess i just have a question for you okay um so the question is about downsizing um it appears that my wife and i bought a little bit too much house and we've been here for two years and we're sort of looking at the future and thinking is it good to downsize to accomplish our financial goals okay based on the fact that your house payment is killing you or what? So right now our house is about 30% of our take home in a month on a 30-year mortgage, and that's just both of our incomes. And my wife, we have two children, and we're expecting more on the way.

So she's thinking about transitioning to the home, and it just appears that obviously i'm not able to cover this on my own so i don't know if this is something crazy to think about or if we should really be considering this downsize yeah well i think you've already answered the question haven't you if she's going to stay home if she's going to stay home, you can't pay the payment. Didn't you just tell me that? Well, yeah, I mean, it's not that she needs to stay home, but it's obviously something that she would like to do. And I don't know, I guess I just want to know,

is it insane to think, like, in our journey to get out of debt, but also be able to enjoy our life and enjoy our children and things like that that we give up a home a lot of our friends and family are thinking we're crazy to do that to downsize when we moved into a unless they're going to pay the payment they don't get a vote i guess that's true they're not experiencing the stress that you guys will experience so what would the the percentage of your take-home pay be if she stays home what do you make so i make about 60 000 and she makes about 65 000 a year so it's got your house it's going to be 60 of your take-home pay you're going to go bankrupt

and that's my concern yeah you can't see you have to decide is she going to stay at the job to keep this house or is she going to stay at the job to keep this house, or is she going to stay home, and you move. There's really no other option. No, you're right. You're right. Do you guys have any other type of debt? No. So we are out of debt, and we've been really, like, chugging away,

tucking money away to try to pay off this house and at least start putting money to repay in the south early. But we're also feeling the pressure from it she went on maternity leave and uh that was three some odd months where we were dipping into our emergency savings and not putting money towards you know investments and towards the house and that's when i really got thinking about you're gonna burn yeah you're gonna burn through that and then you're gonna get foreclosed on if you just ignore this okay right yeah i think you gotta you gotta decide i i personally think it's just a personal opinion but everybody gets to have one uh it sounds like her desire what you

what you stated was her desire is to be at home with the kids right yeah and if that's what she wants to do and you all that's your value system i think you'll come out fine by moving down in house and what you're doing is you're trading us a smaller house for the opportunity to stay home with your kids when they're small and i think that's a great trade on as a value system we're putting kids ahead of houses i like that trade. Yeah, yeah, I think I do too. I think I just needed. But you can't do both. Yeah. It's not an option.

You don't have the math to do both. So don't sit there in denial and then just let this sneak up on you and go, oh, well, look what happened. Don't be caught off guard. You need to make a definite decision that says the price of her being at home is a smaller home that we can afford, regardless of what our friends and family think. We're not asking their opinion. She wants to be home with the kids. I want to be home with the kids.

The kids want to be home with the kids. It's a good thing for mom to be home with the kids. We like this. This is a good value. It lines up with who we are as people. This is you saying all of these things. Then you try to smaller house for that. And I've had lots of friends that have done that over the years and and then maybe when the kids take off to elementary school maybe she kicks back into her

professional career and you change you change gears again six years from now eight years from now whatever this reminds me why we teach what we teach around the parameters of getting a house 15 year fixed rate no more than% of your take-home pay, put 10% to 20% down because it gives you those options. Because at that point, you've got a lot of margin to do the baby steps. And if someone wants to stay home, it's not going to destroy your financial world. So what I hate to see is couples like this who they want to have one stay home, but it's eating up so much of their take-home pay that would crush them

if they make a move like this. With the number of times in 30 years of sitting here in this chair that i've taken uh a call that sounds like oh i got this van payment and so i can't afford to to quit and be home with the kids and the lady's like crying and i want to be home with my kids, and I'm like, well, don't trade your van for a kid. It's a trade. Sell the van. That's easy. Well, it can't be without the van.

Well, you can't do both. I mean, you're not Congress. You have to make a choice. You want to have your cake and eat it too. Yeah, you have to make a choice. You have to make some math here and just go. But sometimes people don't even think. They go, gosh, if I got rid of the van, I could do this.

Oh, ding. It's like set free, like him. He's like, because you know what they're going to do. You can hear it. What's he going to do? He's going to sell that house and downsize. He is, because she wants to be home, and he likes the idea, and they're in agreement, and everybody else's opinions, well, whatever.

He's willing to do what it takes to get what they really want. It is pretty amazing the number of people that give you opinions about your money that don't have any money. And that aren't going to help you pay payments so yeah yeah i mean what are you crazy selling that truck have you lost your mind um didn't actually wouldn't take a poll here you know it's just like but a lot of broke people have an opinion about money maybe it's time for everyone to stop taking a poll and do what's right for themselves and their family. George, that was like a philosophy statement. I'm starting to hurt feelings like you. It's rubbing off on me.

George, that was said way too nice to hurt anybody's feelings. You're right. Because it was posed as a passive-aggressive question, so it wasn't even feeling hurt. That's the millennial way. Maybe it's time. No, maybe it's not time. Maybe it's past time. Yeah, quit taking a poll on your life.

That's good. I like that. Don't worry about the way it looks on Facebook. Worry about the way it looks in real life. Ooh, dang. Yeah. That hurt, Dave. The seven people left on Facebook just got their phones hurt.

My favorite one of all times is Rachel's whole thing on, like, no one gets a 1994 used Honda Accord and posts it on Facebook and goes, hey, hashtag blessed. You know. That felt like a personal attack on me, Dave. That's perfect. You know me and my Honda Civic. My 09 Civic with body damage that you love so much. George.

I'm going to post a picture today on Instagram. I'm going to be just what we were talking about. I'm going to be the guy giving you pressure to get a better car. I'm not taking a poll, Dave. The difference is that you actually have the money. You cheapskate. You just told me that we're not taking a poll. So, I'm not doing it.

I'm keeping my car. That doesn't mean I'll be just like those other people. I'm going to talk as if you're listening. Unless you're buying me a new car, Dave, then we'll talk. Well, indirectly. That is true. The man has a point. This is The Ramsey Show. at 25 i thought i was hot stuff but i was actually a hot mess the good news is the dumb

mistakes you make in the past do not determine your future. Your decisions today do. After going bankrupt, I set out to learn the right way of managing money, and I developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. Now, after three decades of guiding millions of others through the Baby Steps, it's clear this proven plan works. Right now, my number one bundle, the Starter Special, is 70% off and has everything you need to get rid of debt and plan for your future. In this bundle, you'll get our best-selling book, The Total Money Makeover, Rachel Cruz's newest bestseller, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, and her new money assessment, plus so much more. If you want to get out of debt,

build wealth, set your children up for success, and plan for retirement, here's where you start. So order the starter special while it's 70% off at RamseySolutions.com. That's RamseySolutions.com. So a couple days ago, George and I took a call from an over-the-road truck driver who had been talking with his wife about trading cars. And without talking to him, she went and traded cars and went further into debt. He was pretty irate about that because they were not in agreement about that, and she just went and did whatever she wanted to do. And we talked to him for a few minutes.

The more we talked to him, the more, if you go back and listen to the call, the more we were questioning what's really going on because he set her up, threw her under the bus pretty much, and then we're like, yeah, I think you probably, you're over the road, she's pregnant, she's got a baby due in nine days, and you probably, there's something else going on here. You read between the lines. I actually said you may need to come off the road and take care of your family,

and you guys need to get in marriage counseling. So she apparently was listening, or went back and listened to the call, and disagreed with a whole bunch of her the things her husband said about her and the conclusions we came to about her as a result and so forth so sent us a long email and and so we thought it'd be fun to kind of go back through that because it's really interesting so here's the deal well let's just say okay I listened yesterday got to hear the call you took from my husband regarding the purchase of a van resulted of financing 10k I know responding probably won't get, got to hear the call you took from my husband regarding the purchase of a van, resulted of financing 10K. I know responding probably won't get airtime to resolve the plethora of issues you two seem to pick up on,

but I felt at least I could provide some context for my actions that would hopefully lead to a rebranding of my sanity, because I said she may have lost her dad and got mine, and accountability for the situation. The truth is, partially, as you put it, i was backed into a corner and i bit back so it sounded like they couldn't come into agreement and he's on the road left her you know stranded with a bunch of kids and she just did whatever she wanted to do kind of thing that's was my point and so um then she goes on for about a page and a half explaining why it's okay to borrow money to buy a van and all this stuff which of course is not true uh My husband didn't mention that he's packed all of his things and moved out. That's true. He did not mention that.

And he's taken half of our emergency fund with him about nine days before I deliver our second child. Oh, really? That's just nice. No, he didn't mention that because I probably would have ripped him a new one for doing that. It's like if you're going to leave, you don't leave nine days before a baby comes. Doob.

You know, this didn't just suddenly happen so yeah we would have um george and i would have teed off on him on that me more than george but george because george is generally nicer uh she closes with i'm not stupid i've not lost my mind but backed into a corner with no other resources or choices i think i can own this one and that's after rationalizing again for five paragraphs that buying the van was a good idea so let's go back and recoup regroup on this whole thing for a little bit um number one i don't like it when any of you none of us at ramsey like it when you take our good common sense advice that is meant for you to prosper in your family and you weaponize it to use it on your family

or weaponize it to use it on your spouse. There's a thing in here where he says, she says, he refused any car I looked at, and he said, Dave always says, if the answer is no, we don't do anything. If we can't come into agreement, the answer is no. Well, that's a general principle, yes. But what's going on here is you two are a hot mess. That's what's really going on here. Both of you.

Jessica, you with your rationalization, which I completely understand how you get there in the middle of him being a control freak and you getting ready to have a baby. And I get all of that. But you rationalized your butt off, girl. I mean, it's ridiculous. And him with his lying to us and weaponizing advice that we give here and using it to verbally thrash his wife with, you guys desperately needed marriage counseling a long time ago.

Long time ago. Long before he calls on this radio show. And we certainly did not tell him to pack up his stuff and move out. And it sounds like he did that before he even called. And if you go back and listen to the call, nowhere did we even intimate that he should do that. We did tell him, you guys need marriage counseling. And baby doll, you did need marriage counseling. You do need marriage counseling.

You guys are a hot mess. You bow up and just go do whatever the crap you want to do and go deeply in debt and buy a van that you shouldn't have against his wishes which indicates that you guys are not on the same page and have serious marriage problems and he's being a twerp and a control freak and not coming up with some way to take care of his pregnant wife and kids and get her into a car that works well to that end everybody wants what they want instead of being instead of serving each other in this marriage. She says, to quote him,

I don't care if it has a welded five-gallon bucket for the front seat. You'll drive what I pick, or I won't agree to it. Because Dave says, if you can't agree, you go with who says no. See, that is not... That has never come out of here. I mean, we don't... That's just completely weaponizing the advice here. So, yeah, Jessica, you have a mess.

Your husband is a mess. You're in a mess. And you did a stupid thing in the middle of all that. And it hurt to have her laundry aired out on national radio. Well, I don't blame her for that, too. And I'll pick on ladies getting ready to have a baby in nine days. Oh, my gosh. But the point is, guys, this is – if you can't get together on what to do with

money it's not a money problem if you can't get together on what to do with your car it's not a car problem that's a marriage problem and it's usually a selfishness problem i mean she was selfish because she just went and did whatever she wanted to do he was selfish because he's like i'm not going to agree to anything because i don't like it and i'm on the road and i'm going to hold all the power like he has any power which apparently he didn't so uh you know it was just out of control so the inverse of this is hey i love my wife and i understand she's freaking out i gotta figure out some way to get her in a different car that is good for our future and going further in debt is not good for our future instead of i'm gonna tell you what to do and dave ramsey and oh my god you twerp

and they they mentioned we didn't ask their income they make 137 000 yeah and it paid off a bunch of debt right how much was it it was a lot uh fifty thousand dollars in 15 months they paid off she says so um uh what but you didn't ask what we made she said well i didn't ask what you made because that wasn't the question the question wasn't it's not an income wasn't a math problem it was my wife bought a car that we didn't agree to problem that was the call it wasn't like how much money you make how much money you make doesn't solve you know you two not getting along so you could make 237 000 and still not you still shouldn't go do that and he still shouldn't put you in a position that you felt

like that was the only thing you could do so you two are being your hot mess your hot mess and you need to be in marriage counseling both of you bad and so because here's the thing sharon ramsey goes and does that i'm gonna have a problem but i also not going to put her in a position that she feels like that's her only way. And if she feels like that's her only way, then she's got a serious Cinderella syndrome. Like she deserves entitled and I'm arrogant and whatever. Then we got another issue going on. And we're going to be sitting down with a professional and helping us guide through our relationship. Because apparently we can't guide through it ourselves.

And we've done that. After we were married about 10 years we about killed each other that year and so we you know marriage counselor saved our lives and our marriage saved my life because she probably would have killed me in my sleep but um but the uh but i mean you know and so i can i distinctly remember driving the crappy you met this is how bad it was you you probably seen these on the road they're still out there the two-tone blue astro vans oh yeah you remember those yeah that was real ugly this is like the minivan of minivans and it had like a bazillion miles on it and i fried the transmission out of it pulling the boat because it wasn't designed to pull a boat it was a lightweight little thing and uh put a new transmission in it and this thing i mean it

stunk it had cheerios like neck deep in it although it was we'd raised little babies in it and dogs and it was a mess and she was over this fan and rightly so it was a piece of crap and we were starting to make a little money we finally got a little bit of money and she's like i want to get a Suburban. I want to get an SUV. I'm like, that's $20,000. Might as well be that gum $200,000. What do you mean?

Well, you got $20,000 coming in down there at your company, our company. You keep telling me it's mine. I want some of the money out there. Buy an SUV. I'm like, yeah, but that $20,000 we can use to invest in this thing we're working on, and it's going to make us $100,000. If we buy this car for $20,000, and we went back and forth, and we just kept arguing about it. Finally, I had this moment where I went, you know what?

It's not an either or. It's a win. And I said, so, okay, we need to do the investment at the company, and we need to buy the car. And which one we do first is the only thing that mattered. And so we just put her first. She won. There you go. And you know what?

When she won, I won. Boom. Isn't that interesting? Here's a takeaway from this story, Dave. They've got a child on the way, and right now they're both being children. We need less children in this family. How's that? Now you'll get another email, George.

Uh-oh. Yeah. You changed your brand. This is the Ramsey Chef. We'll be right back. George Campbell Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. It is tax season. I don't know anyone who loves that. Unless you're an accountant.

Even the IRS doesn't love it. The truth is most of us dread filing taxes. It's a pain. It's confusing. And if it wasn't bad enough, the tax software most of you use hits you with extra hidden fees and they try to sell you a bunch of debt while you're signing up just kind of get your taxes done. Filing your taxes does not have to be horrible. It does not. We created Ramsey SmartTax to give you software that you can actually trust. SmartTax has steps that are simple and clear, so you know you've done your taxes right. No more headaches, no second guessing yourself. We'll never tack on surprises, and we won't sell your info to scummy companies, and we won't try to sell you a bunch of debt while you're doing your taxes. And when you sign up for Ramsey Plus, it's even easier.

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This is all free, free, free, free, free, free, free. It's crazy. RamseySolutions.com slash Ramsey Plus.athy's in buffalo new york hi kathy welcome to the ramsey show what's up hi um i'm a senior in college and unfortunate i mean i worked pretty hard throughout college to like save up money for a car and just an apartment after graduation and just for food and living expenses. And I had around like $25,000 saved up for my car and just like after graduation. But unfortunately, COVID kind of hit my family hard. My uncle had to borrow money to pay for my grandpa's hospital bill. I'm like my grandpa and my dad um and now like they're not really giving my money

back if that makes sense and i don't even know what to do about it how old are you um 21 how old's your uncle um i mean i i don't know but probably 40 45 so this 45 year old comes to the 21 year old college kid and says i can't pay my dad's hospital bill you need to help and you gave him your money yeah yeah yeah your family's a bunch of irresponsible people aren't they um yeah they're broke and they can't take care of their grandpa and they come to a kid to take care of them that's the definition of irresponsible i'll help you with that i was shouldn't have been a question should have been a statement okay how much money did you give him um i mean because like you know hospital bills are like extraordinarily expensive like 15 000 good lord so you give him 15 000 and what was the terms what

was the plan for him to repay you um like i said within like the next year yeah and he said okay yeah where was he going to get the money um The thing was, like, my aunt was out of work just because, like, she lost her job, and then she was going to pay me back, like, once she got a job. Where's your parents? My parents, like, my dad's kind of arguing with my brother, I mean, with his brother, but, like, they kind of, the two of them are, like, having their own fight about money issues as well. That's shocking. Oh, kiddo, I'm so sorry.

You are in a mess. I just want to box your uncle's ears. And I wish you had stood up and just said no. Don't you? Yeah, I just didn't want, like, you know, my grandpa my grandpa they're not going to repossess your grandpa it's just a hospital bill they'll sue somebody for not paying a hospital bill but they're not going to repossess him yeah you got you got snookered by your family yeah your next time your family knocks on the

door you need to just not open the door oh my gosh how long ago was this kathy um this happened like maybe a year and a half ago i guess like yeah like a year and a half ago at the beginning of 2020 do you have anything in writing from your uncle um yeah i have like an email okay well um it doesn't sound like your father is going to be any help because he's not uh got influence with your uncle right now because they're already fighting am i correct yeah because like again so if you call your uncle and say i look this is a mess and i've you're gonna this is gonna cost me going to college you've got to get this money together go to the bank and get it and send me my money i've got to get this money together. Go to the bank and get it and send me my money.

I've got to have this money. What's he going to say? I mean, I tried doing that. And then, like, because, like, the thing is, like, I tried doing that. And he was just like, you can go into debt. I'll pay you back. And, like, because of that. Because, like, that was also supposed to be, like, harsh.

Because, like, I pay, like, $10,000 a year for school because of, like, financial aid. And then, like, food and rent on top of that. Because, like, that was also supposed to be, like, harsh. Because, like, I pay, like, $10,000 a year for school because of, like, financial aid. And then, like, food and rent on top of that. And then it's just kind of, like, I kind of had to put my tuition, though, because of that. What a butthole. I'm, like, going to debt. This guy's a class A. Yeah. I'm sorry um i i i don't know how to make a person that doesn't have character suddenly have character and your your uncle is a scumburger and you realize that now yeah i like i knew that but i mean i didn't know going into the situation because he wasn't

you know i mean i never like yeah parents never really dealt with him financially sad the bad news is that 21 years old you've had this very harsh lesson the great news is you will never have to have this lesson again because you will never do something like this again because this has hurt so badly and put you in such a bad position and so the you know i i hope you haven't lost the money permanently but you probably have because your uncle is scum anybody that would come to a 21 year old and ask for their college money in order to take care of their grandfather because you didn't go figure out some other way to do it is scum. By definition.

By definition. Because if the worst case scenario is grandpa, let me tell you, if he'd have called me, I'd have just said, Grandpa can't pay his bill. Call the hospital. Tell them. He can't pay the bill. He doesn't have any money. I'd rather owe the hospital money than I would little Kathy.

It's just a matter of who we're going to owe. Right? This is just garbage. Little Kathy. It's just a matter of who we're going to owe, right? This is just garbage. It's just garbage. Oh, my gosh, Kathy. So here's the thing. You have really two courses of action, and none of them are good. I wish I could give you a good answer.

Course of action number one is call him back and say, I sure hope you can pay me. I sure hope you do what you said you were going to do. I hope you're a man of honor and a man of your word because you're leaving me in a lurch. And hang up the phone and then have low expectations because he's scum that you ever get this money and you're probably not going to get it. Okay?

Course of action number two is hire a lawyer and sue his butt. Yeah, I'm kind of too broke for that. No, you're not. I won't be broke. No, you're not. Lawyer will take this. They'll take it because this looks like fun. I'm telling you, they'll take it for a percentage,

and when he collects it out of your uncle's hide he'll um you know but here's the thing you'll be done with him forever but by the way if he's my uncle i'm done with him forever anyway he's not gonna speak to you again once you sue him but i really don't care because he ain't worth speaking to. This guy's a dirtbag. I agree. Kathy, he treated you like a doormat because you're a really nice, sweet person, and he thought he could get the money. He took advantage of a 21-year-old young lady in college. This is making me mad as your adopted uncle.

I'm your other uncle, the one that's going to kill this one Yeah It's like really bad Because it's like all of my like All of my other uncles are like hating this one uncle And like my mom's dad Is also like really pissed off It's like Dysfunction all over the place

It's not fair that you have to deal with this So you have two choices Just lower your expectations and don't expect to get the money or go ho-hog and start to run grenades with an attorney. That's your two choices. Make your decision and then rest in peace with whichever decision you rest in.

Either one's fine with me and either one will be great. I'm so sorry. ДИНАМИЧНАЯ МУЗЫКА This is the Ramsey Show. George Cantwell, Ramsey personality, is my co-host. George, one of the things we've discovered in studying family businesses is that the family business is never any more or less toxic than the family. It's never any more less functional or more functional than the family is a dysfunctional family cannot have a functional family business the other thing that kind of goes with that the parallel track for that is there's a a lot of data in our data here over 30 years of

doing this and and even in the millionaire research, that indicates that to the extent that your immediate family, husband and wife, and your extended family, uncles, aunts, parents, so on, to the extent that people observe correct and reasonable moral boundaries with each other to the extent that the marriage is functional to the extent that the interaction with the grown kids and grandkids is functional meaning that there's not a bunch of manipulation lying drug use uh cheating whatever running around on it whatever all this stuff to the extent they're functional, there's a high correlation with that and the ability to build wealth. There's a high correlation you can't build wealth in the middle of

if your family just puts the fun in dysfunction. I mean, it's just very difficult to do it. And it's kind of been the theme this hour. Yeah. A lot of dysfunction on all these calls. And what it comes down to is you can't give family money. It just never ends up working out for you. of dysfunction on all these calls and what it comes down to is you can't give family money it just never ends up working out for you i'd rather you be mad at a lender and sally may and sally may

sue you than a family member sue you because that relationship is done it's hard to recover but you when you have a money problem of any kind in the family but husband and wife buying a van you have a money problem in the family uncle wants money to pay grandpa's medical bills when you have a money problem in the family it is never the problem it is always the symptom of something else going on yeah and so the very fact that this family system in that last call is set up in a way that a 40 something year old man can call a 21 year old nephew niece who's in college and basically steal her college fund and in his mind somehow that's all right or it didn't happen this hour but we've gotten the call before you know these parents who take their minor children's identity and go open a bunch of credit cards in them and then when the minor children gets married as an adult and is 25

26 years old discovers that there's a whole bunch of credit card debt that their mom put in their name when they were 14 i mean that's just that's that's criminal fraud go to jail do not pass go but people do it and there's this this thing that happens in some of our families out there that people make this statement well you have to take care of family as if that statement makes all of your miscellaneous ridiculousness go away. Like, well, I just can't. I have to take care of Mama. I have to. I mean, you have to.

You have to take care of family. You just have to take care of family. Whatever it is. I mean, yeah, I understand. He stole three cars. He does cocaine. He shot his neighbor. But you have to take care of family, you know.

But, you know, I mean, people are just ridiculous. Yeah, at what point does it just become family, you know? But, you know, I mean, people are just ridiculous. Yeah, at what point does it just become enabling misbehavior? Yeah, I think. Mom didn't save up any money her whole life, and now it's our job to take care of her for the next 20 years. And that's not mean, okay? If you want to take care of mom and you're able to take care of mom, that's okay. But this idea that you take this child's college fund, I just want to send out the Ramsey SWAT team for this guy, man. Which doesn't exist, by the way, America, in case you're wondering.

We could form it pretty quick around here, though. That's true. But that just makes you furious to hear stories like that. So here's the thing guys my point of this rant is that if you do not recognize where crazy is in your family and every family has crazy in it and if you think yours doesn't it's you so um if you ever if you don't recognize where crazy is in your family and learn to put proper boundaries in place early in your life and you don't teach you know let's say you got a functional family mom and dad are

teaching a 14 year old who later becomes a 21 year old okay uncle so-and-so's bad news okay he comes around just run him off run your danger okay danger danger that's right stranger no kindergarten copper there we go good yeah but i mean you gotta it's yeah you have to teach the danger of this. And it's just, oh, man. Everyone needs to read Henry Cloud's Boundaries. Until you fix your marriage, you're not going to build wealth. Until you set boundaries with your crazy uncle and your deadbeat drug son, you're not going to build wealth.

Until you deal with the dysfunction in your family, you're not going to build wealth. You can't get rich enough to not screw it up with these people intersecting your life and you just allowing them free reign because i just gotta take care of family you know that kind of it's just do people think that they're they're being selfish if they don't help is that what it comes down to it's enabling from now on and and these people the people on the other side of it are they're travel agents for guilt trips oh that's good i mean this guy he just grandpa you gotta take care of your grandpa you poor old grandpa don't you want to take care of your grandpa you selfish little college student aren't you well it made me think smack you unbelievable how did we know he even used that

on medical bills now i'm second guessing this guy's integrity going who knows what that money went towards there's a car in the driveway probably no it's a pickup always a pickup isn't it it's always a bass boat uh wouldn't be a ski boat he'd be a bass boat you've got the ski boat that's why you're saying that ski boat folk are different no they're not they're just as bad oh my gosh i'm telling this is just but here's the thing you You can't outrun this. You have to deal with the family stuff or you're not going to get ahead financially. You're always going to be brought down by the dysfunction until you've dealt with the dysfunction or put a boundary to the dysfunction and a fence around you to where you can work around it.

You're not not you cannot make enough money to out earn this you have to deal with it so there's a high correlation between the ability to build wealth and good boundaries and functional families my grandmother used to say when she was alive she's in a small town she say, so-and-so comes from a good family. Now, certain members of our family would accuse her of being uppity, like she thought that meant that they were country club folk or something instead of the other kind of folk, right? And that wasn't what she was referring to at all. When I got to know her as an adult later, what she meant was they were a good family that integrity that's what she meant and you want to you want you want to be around a good family and there are good

families there none of them are perfect but i mean there are some that do a better job at this stuff than others oh my gosh it's almost impossible to you know some of you have to just become an adult. Some of you are listening and you're 19 or you're 21. You just have to become an adult and set up your own life because your whole bunch over there is nuts, you know. And you just got to come over here to the side and just look over there and like they're like something in a psychology book. Every one of them has got one of those things, you know. I mean, it's like unbelievable. And so some of you just have to do that.

And some of you just have to deal with the one crazy mother-in-law, you know i mean it's like unbelievable and so you some of you just have to do that and some of you just have to deal with the one crazy mother-in-law you know and some of you have to deal with your marriage stuff and not be so dadgum selfish and power hungry and entitled and all those things which sharon and i have dealt with coming up on 40 years and uh now i've kind of got it down with sharon though i have figured it out george's the secret? I told her the other day, if she leaves, I'm going with her. How did she take it? She might put out a restraining order at that point. Man.

Don't give her ideas. She's thought of it. I have her convinced, George. I'm no genius. I have her convinced. Well, here's what it comes down to. You've got to have boundaries, and you can't change people. And so at some point, you've got to just draw the line and say, listen, uncle, he's just cut off.

We just can't be friends with uncle. You can't be friends with grandma because it's toxic. And that's a hard thing to do to cut off family. It's not about the money. It's about the fact that you stole from me. Yes. You know? It's not the money.

The money doesn't matter. It's that you mistreated a 21-year-old college student. You jerk. You unbelievable jerk. I hope he's listening. I hope I get that email back. That'll be a fun one. Hey, Unc, if you're listening, jump on.

I'd love to talk to you. That'll be fun. Not for you. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.