The Ramsey Show - App - DAVE RANT: Sports Betting Isn’t Cute, It’s DANGEROUS (Hour 2)

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Open phones at 888-825-5225. A special treat for you guys this half hour. We've got one of our good friends on here who has a new best-selling book out called Hero on a Mission. Donald Miller is with us. Donald has written several best-selling books, starting all the way back to Blue Like Jazz

and all the way up through Business Made Simple was the book before this one. And, of course, Story Brand, probably my favorite business book by Donald Miller. like jazz and all the way up through business made simple was the book before this one and of course story brand probably my favorite uh business book by donald miller and uh this new one has done very very well we want to talk about it today welcome back my brother it's really great to be here good to have you good to have you hero on a mission a path to a meaningful life it's really good so uh tell us about this. Now, when I saw the title, I know StoryBrand. Yeah.

And I thought, okay, I want to be a hero. Right, right, right. In this classic story arc. Right. And you talk a lot about storytelling in the other books that you've written, and the power of story in marketing is what StoryBrand is about. But I immediately thought, I kind of know where he's going with this. Hero.

He's got a hero in the story, and we're going to put him on a mission. This is good. Yeah. You know, I wrote the book really as an antidote to victim mentality. That's really what the book was, or what it is. Because, you know, as well as I do, there just seems to be more and more victim mentality creeping into our culture. And, you know, if it's creeping into our culture, it's creeping into us. And I lost 10 years of my life because I saw myself as a victim in the story.

This was in my 20s. And was driven by moods, you know, thought that, you know, other people had stuff that I couldn't get, there was something wrong with me. And some of that comes from growing up hard and those kinds of things. But when I studied story in order to write the books I was writing, I started seeing these characters, the victim, the villain, the hero, the guide, the four major characters and stories. And I realized these characters exist in stories, not because they're out there, like that guy's a victim, that guy's a villain, that guy realized these characters exist in stories not because they're out there like that guy's a victim that guy's a villain that guy's they exist in stories because all four characters actually exist in us you know when i'm stuck in traffic i i surface

villain energy so fast you can be the villain and in in the face of a reese's peanut butter cup i surface victim energy real quick and you know so on and so on of course we're making light of this but um what i realized was the more i identify as a victim the worse my life gets and um in other words a victim thinks that they're doomed a victim thinks that they are uniquely challenged in life and nobody else has hard days but they do uh and truly a lot of us actually could identify as victims very hard things have happened to us sometimes we are it's like yeah it's an actual victim you know henry cloud our friend defines a victim as somebody who has no way out yeah and often though we really do and so the more i see myself as saying i could choose to

see myself as a victim or as a hero. Rochelle says there's a difference between becoming offended and living your life offended. That's right. There's a difference between being a victim of something. I've been the victim of something. I've been the victim of a guy T-boning my car. I didn't do anything wrong. I was the victim of that.

But then I don't choose to identify permanently as a victim. it doesn't like you as somebody who is only i just was in a car wreck i was victimized there for a moment when he popped this out of my car you know yeah but i'm not a permanent victim uh i just was well here's the other thing that happens though if you watch stories heroes are always getting their cars t-boned and falling off buildings and somebody's hero always has a moment where they're the victim pause any movie and the hero is not having a good time yeah there's a moment that they're being victimized that's right but they don't become a victim they don't self-identify that way and if you watch a movie powerful here's what happens to a victim at the end they're rescued they sit them on the back of the ambulance put a blanket around

them and then the camera goes over and follows the hero. Because the story is not about the victim. The victim doesn't transform. They don't get rewarded. They don't end up blessed at the end of the day. They're a bit part in the story that does two things. Makes the hero look good and makes the villain look bad. And so when we choose to identify as a victim in our own stories, Dave, nothing good happens to us.

It's very tempting, though, because we might attract resources. We get other people to do our work. We attract some sympathy. There are coping mechanisms about being a victim that sometimes work. And it's one of the reasons I say, look, if you're playing the victim or if you identify yourself, don't actually be too judgmental on yourself. Because when you do that, you actually turn into the villain. And you can have a villain inside you that's judging the victim. I say, ignore them all. Start living like a hero on a mission. Start having some sort of ambition. Face challenges as they come. Transform into a better version of yourself. Accomplish something

you didn't think you could accomplish. And when you're done, you won't just have some rewards. You will have a new identity. And the more we spend time playing the hero, the less we're tempted by victim and villain mentality, and the better your life goes. I always think about just roar. You know, it's like, just throw back your head and roar. You know? Let's go.

We were in Africa, you know, in the middle of the night, eight miles away, you can hear a lion roaring. The decibels are unbelievable. But that's what the hero does. They're not necessarily a predator. I don't mean that. But they get up and they face the challenge. We're going to do this. They rise up, throw their shoulders forward, and lean into it.

They don't shrink back and try to find excuses. And I'm on a mission. Yeah, I got knocked down, but that's not my identity. I'm not the victim. And yeah, somebody said I'm a villain. And I like what Caroline Leaf, I wrote this down the other day. Dr. Caroline Leaf says, sometimes you will be the villain in someone else's narrative, and you need to be okay with this.

But you're not responsible for their version. Well, they see you as a villain. Yeah. And sometimes people who call somebody else a villain are actually the villains themselves. Because what they've done is they've diminished this person. They've labeled them for one thing that they did. They didn't have a nuanced understanding. And when you go to that person and say, I don't actually think that person's a villain.

They can't let go of the fact that you're a villain because the villain makes them self-righteous. Right. So they have to wrongly accuse somebody of being a villain in order to feel good themselves. But what is that? Cancel culture is born. That's exactly it. I literally just shared this on my podcast the other day. This is my problem with cancel culture is that you're actually pretending to be a victim,

but you're actually acting like a villain, canceling somebody else and diminishing them. And sometimes people need to be reprimanded. Sometimes people need to publicly apologize. I'm not saying there's something. But to actually cancel somebody, to actually say, you should not have a voice in this society. You should be quiet. You should go away.

In fact, you should be marginalized from the community and starve to death, is what they're saying. That's a villainous thing to say about pretty much anybody. And so, you know. Why? Because you've got your feelings. This book enlightens us, I think. Hopefully, the goal of the book is to make us self-aware so that we realize, oh, I'm playing the victim right now.

And this is not going to go anywhere good. Or I'm playing the villain. This is not going to go anywhere good. It's always playing the villain. This is not going to go anywhere good. It's always about somebody else when you're the victim of the villain. Well, they have agency over you. The victim gives agency to somebody outside themselves who controls their moods, their life, where things go. The hero accepts their own agency to change things.

Good stuff. More on this. We want to hear the rest of this. This is great. This is so empowering. Roll back your head and roar. It's Hero on a Mission. Get it. Where all great. This is so empowering. Roll back your head and roar. It's Hero on a Mission. Get it. Where all great books are sold. It came out last week. Donald Miller is the author

with me for one more segment. Be sure you stay tuned. This is the Ramsey Show. With more frequency than you know, I get calls and emails from people dealing with the recent loss of a spouse or a parent. You can hear the struggle and the heartache that they've been experiencing. And at a time they should be grieving, what breaks my heart the most is the strain and tension that they're going through because of money, especially when it's a situation that could have been avoided. If you have a family, it is your responsibility to have term life insurance. It's one of the things you do to say I love you.

And yes, this is an ad for Zander Insurance. But since this is one of the things you do to say I love you. And yes, this is an ad for Zander Insurance. But since this is one of the most effective ways I have to get my point across, so be it. For over 20 years, I've been telling you about the importance of term life insurance and protecting your family. Listen, you need to check out zander.com or call 800-356-4282. I can't say it enough. Protect your family. It's what you're supposed to do. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. The book is Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller, A Path to a Meaningful Life.

You'll want to get the book on Amazon or anywhere great books are sold. Anything Donald writes, I can promise you is worth reading. He's had multiple bestsellers. He's a world-class author and a good friend we hang out together our wives like each other and uh we have done donald spoken at our events and um pretty incredible okay now i'm not sure i want to do this one start your day by reading your eulogy yeah i get it i understand but that's a little morbid i mean that's just i feel like a victim right now yeah yeah i do it almost every day i uh four out of seven days

okay i i this morning i read my eulogy okay now this is a old practice steven covey talked about in seven habits he got he got it from somebody else it is a little morbid to be brutally honest with you but what it does for me is it it helps me start with the end in mind. When you write a story, normally screenwriters write with the climactic scene, you know, the man and the woman get married, and then they reverse engineer a story that gets them there. And one of the things that I do is I read my eulogy. There are three major stories in my life.

I've got about 30 years left. That's it. In 30 years, I want to tell a great story as a family. I want to tell a great story in my career. And I want to tell a great story as a civilian in the United States of America. I want to contribute three really good stories to those areas of my life.

Now, because I read my eulogy, several things happen. One is a sense of urgency develops. I've got 30 years. You don't have time to mess around. You've got to get something on this. I call it putting something on the plot. The other thing is reading my eulogy every day really helps me say no. Because if somebody comes to me and says, Don, you know, we'd love for you to, you know,

throw your hat at a sitcom and be an actor or whatever. I don't have time for that. I have three stories left. There's no time to take amazing opportunities. I have three stories left if I want to have an impact in this world. And it really helps me understand. You know, Dave, you know our family well enough to know we just had a baby seven months ago, Emmeline.

If I make it to 80, Emmeline's got me for 30 years that's it now I don't get any of that time back so if I'm not constantly aware that this is a limited time experience here I might be tempted to you know get too lost in my work to spend time with my daughter

so every morning reading my eulogy really helps set my story up for success. And let me define success, a meaningful experience to wake up every day and have a meaningful experience with life. It's not happy all the time. There's not always joy. Sometimes there's sacrifice. Sometimes there's suffering. But it's always meaningful. And by meaningful, what I really mean is I'm interested in my own story. My story is interesting enough that I'm not bored by it. I'm not restless. I think a lot of people...

I'm not stuck. I'm not stuck. A lot of people hit midlife and they feel as though they're sitting in the theater of their mind watching an empty screen. Because the movie about their childhood is over. The movie about their college experience is over. The movie about falling in love and starting a family is over. And they never took personal agency to start another story. And what happens is, in their peripheral vision,

a blonde and a convertible goes by, and they have what we then call a midlife crisis. That's exactly it. And I think what midlife crisis actually is is the failure to define a narrative that you can live within. Right. The failure to have a story laid out. Sigmund Freud went around the world and said, look, the dominant motivation of mankind is to pursue pleasure.

There was a guy named Viktor Frankl who I talk about in this book, created something called logotherapy. He said Sigmund Freud is wrong. He said the dominant desire of mankind is not pleasure. It's meaning. And when he cannot find meaning, he distracts himself with pleasure. If you don't define a story for your life and live into it, you're going to go numb that pain somewhere, and you're going to get in all sorts of stupid decisions. Boredom equals purchasing stuff you don't need, eating things you shouldn't eat.

That's right. And just keep adding to it. It's hedonism. It leads you into hedonism. That's exactly it. And the irony of hedonism is it doesn't work. Right. It doesn't bring you joy.

No, it doesn't fulfill you at all. It distracts you from the fact that you're not fulfilled temporarily. Powerful. Yeah. Powerful. Okay, the difference between someone who's stuck and someone who found a path forward. They've defined a narrative for themselves. Same what we're talking about. Exactly. So if there's, you know, there's basically three things I really want in life right now. One is a family and we have a

story that we're living as a family. It involves a little retreat center that you've been to. The other one is my company. And, you know, we're trying to, right now, we're trying to move into the college system, teach these young kids how to be entrepreneurs. That's a big story for me. And the third is a political thing that I want to get started about 10 years from now. I really haven't put much on it right now. Those three story questions, will Don be able to be a great dad and a loving husband as he builds this sort of retreat center here in Nashville? Will Don be able to educate the next generation of entrepreneurs to grow up and start companies? And will Don be able to do this thing in the political sphere? Those are the three story questions in my life. And I ask myself those questions every day. What that does is it gives

me narrative traction. And so to the listener, I say, is there a story question in your life that compels you forward? If there isn't, let me tell you who's dictating your story. Corporations, credit card companies, marketing agencies, talk show hosts hating on the government. There are people who are financially incentivized to get you to step into the story they're creating. But what about your story? Have you created a story for yourself? Do you have agency?

Because I think it's a much better deal if you create the story for yourself and live into it. I think that's what happens when someone says, okay, I'm overwhelmed with debt. I'm stuck. And when we put out there, hey, maybe your story is you change your family tree yep absolutely and not only that but this but you know this is a story within your life that we would call it a subplot yeah so here's the story money's not the whole thing there's your economic subplot there's your spiritual subplot there's your love story whatever wherever you're stuck if you can rise above it and have some sense of nobility,

then you become the hero instead of the victim. And I would actually argue, and I think Victor Frank would argue, that when you decide, hey, I'm $43,000 in debt, we're going to get out of this debt, it's going to take us about three years, and you live into that, you focus, you overcome challenges, you don't eat out, you do all this kind of stuff, you're actually entering into what Viktor Frankl calls logotherapy, and that is a therapy of meaning. And a therapy of meaning happens when you have three things. One is an objective, something to try to do, something to try to build. Second is community.

So if you're doing this as a family, your whole community is bought in, and it's actually bringing you closer to tackle this ambition together. And the third is a redemptive or optimistic perspective on suffering. Victor Frank would say, suffering is inevitable. You're not going to get around it. But you can look at suffering and say, yeah, this is hard. This is painful. And also, it's building character. Yeah.

And also, it's building discipline. And also, it's giving me empathy if you can have that sort of and also view on suffering it actually creates a deep sense of meaning and i discovered this about 10 or 12 years ago when i read victor frankl's book and began to apply it to my life and you know by the way the book is called in search of man's search for meaning there's another book called yes to life that's shorter and I think to some degree better. But, you know, I read that book and applied that to my life and have tried to spend the last 10 years writing it in a simplified language because he uses such clinical language. So Hero on a Mission is my attempt to explain what Victor Frank was talking about.

You know, for the last 10 years, there have been tragedy has struck our community. There's been sad days. There's been times when I've been angry. But there's not been a single day when I haven't woken up interested in my own story. And when you wake up and you're not interested in your own story, Viktor Frankl calls it the existential vacuum. It's what I call a narrative void. You have no story that you're living.

You are a character wandering around without a plot, without a script, without a reason, and it's going to drive you crazy. Well, the stress of the quarantines and the stress of the pandemic, well, people thought they were on a mission, and then it was taken away from them. Yeah. And some people discovered what was taken away from them was actually a distraction from meaning. Yeah. And they realized, I didn't away from them was actually a distraction from meaning. Yeah.

And they realized, I didn't like my life before. So now we've got a huge number of people changing jobs. Changing jobs and transitioning and writing a new story for their lives. That's it. Good stuff. The book is Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller. He's a New York Times bestselling author. A Path to a Meaningful Life.

Thanks for stopping by, my friend. Thanks, Dave. Good to have you. Be sure and check out anything Donald writes. It's definitely worth the time. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Dan and Lindsey are with us. Hey, guys. How are you?

Hey, Dave. Yeah, better than we deserve. Amen. Welcome. Where do you guys live? Spring Valley, Wisconsin. We're about an hour east Yeah, better than we deserve. Amen. Welcome. Where do you guys live? Spring Valley, Wisconsin. We're about an hour east of the Twin Cities in Minnesota. Okay.

Welcome. Around Eau Claire, then? Yeah. You got it? Very good. Good, good. Welcome, welcome. Good to have you.

Thank you. How much debt have you paid off? $421,518.09. Whoa! How long did this take? Three years and one month. Yeah. Wow. This is a lot. All right.09. Whoa! How long did this take? Three years and one month. Yeah. Wow.

This is a lot. All right. And your range of income during that time? We started the year before. We got to know you were about $150,000. Last couple years, we've been at about $220,000. Whew. Man, you've been honking it.

What do you all do for a living? We own a small business. We're a custom hardwood flooring contractor. Oh, okay. Nice times. Nice times. It's been good. We need some more competition.

Or not. We can't help them all, Dave. Well, that's true. That's true. You need some help in the marketplace. Yes, sir. So the $422,000, what kind of debt was this? It was business, our house, we had a car.

You paid off your home? Yes, sir. Sure did. Everything. You're 100% done. We don't owe anybody anything. I'm looking at weird people! Way to go, you guys.

Very amazing. Thank you. So proud of you. Very well done. How old are you two? 34, and he's 33. Yeah. And you're 100% debt free. Very well done. How old are you two? 34, and he's 33. Yeah. And you're 100% debt free.

We sure are. Yes, sir. Business is making serious bank, has no debt on it. House is paid off. What's the house worth? About $370. I love it. Way to go, you guys.

That's pretty amazing. Well done. Okay, so you're you're making 150 was that in the business yeah that was the first year um we had purchased the business that i worked in okay and then it just took off right not only you you applied yourself to it but also the weirdness of covid made you high in demand yes yeah everyone's working from home and looking at their floors thinking we need to do something about it. I got to do something with this ugly floor.

I got to do something with this. A lot of buildings were empty, so gym floors weren't being used. Commercial buildings weren't being used, so we got hit hard with the commercial stuff right away. Oh, yeah. Dropped off. Okay. All right.

Well, that makes sense. Oh, wow. So how long have you guys been married? 13 years. Okay. Okay. So three years ago, 10 years into the marriage approximately, you decide, game on. Before COVID hits, we're going to take all this. We're going to get rid of this debt.

Tell me the story. How did you get connected to Ramsey? What did you do? Well, it kind of started. We bought the business in 2017. And then about a year into it. And before we bought the business, we didn and then about a year into it, and before we bought the business, we didn't have any debt except our house.

And we kind of always have been frugal, kind of always been- Yeah, but that's not much of a plan, though. Right. It was just a tightwad. That's about all it was. So we bought the business, and that consisted of four different lenders. And then, of course, you buy a business, so you buy a car. That's just next in the steps.

Oh, of course. Right. So what are you into it?, so you buy a car. That's just next in the steps. Oh, of course. Right. So what are you into it? Completely logical. Right. Looked up and went from almost no debt to own everybody. Right. Debt is heavy.

And it was really the emotional aspect that got it. We started looking at not only our employees, but their families as well and just feeling responsible for that. We weren't really struggling with money. We were able to pay the bills, and that obviously means you can afford it, right? Well, the emotional aspect't really struggling with money. We were able to pay the bills and that obviously means you can afford it, right? Well, the emotional aspect is really what got us. And so I still remember the actual job site that I was working on when I started searching for books or podcasts, something that was in that financial realm. I found your Total Money Makeover book on Audible, listened to the sample, and then I listened to the rest of the book.

Came home, told her, said, hey, we're going to listen to this guy. And she kind of looked at me because apparently she told me about you before. About, like, yeah, nine years before. Yeah. Sure did. No joke. I'm so glad it's your idea, Dan. Yeah, well done.

It's a good one. We're going to go with it. Yep, that's right. Yeah. Putting the kids to bed that night, I walked up the stairs, and sure enough, we have a bookshelf from the top of the stairs. There you were. There your book was sitting.

Laughing at me. Yep. Yeah. So, yeah, it was really just waiting for me, I guess, was what took us down. Yeah, he needed to find his why. When the student is ready. Yeah, that's right. Wow.

You guys are amazing. So, okay. So now we're in agreement. Both of you said we got this weight. We have this healthy disgust. There's not really a crisis, just the weight of it. And so I don't like living like this. I feel like I'm out of control.

I feel like I can't be responsible to my team and make sure they're okay. And then, boom, you start getting some information. It lights you up. You get on the same page, and you go. Right. That's right. Wow. And then we really started looking.

I mean, paying off the mortgage was something that was going to take us 30 years because that's what we thought it took. Then we started looking at the numbers, how much we were able to pay off this debt. The business side is really what pushed us. Part of that was owing my old boss money. It was partially owner finance, so I wanted to get out from under there. He wasn't mad about you paying him off either. No, no, he wasn't.

So we started looking at the numbers and how fast that was going, and then we were able to see, man, we can have our house paid off. Yeah, we could just keep going. How much of the $422,000 was the business? How much of it was the house? It's about half and half. Okay. So about $210,000 each.

Yeah. Okay. 210 each. Yeah. Okay. All right. Wow. Very cool. Good for you guys. Thank you. Thank you.

You're 33 years old. Mm-hmm. You make $300,000, $200,000 a year, and you have zero debt, house, or anything. Yes, sir. How does that feel? It's amazing. Yeah, incredible. We had to get the house taken care of quick because winter was coming, and you can't walk

in the yard in Wisconsin in wintertime. Yes. We wanted to be able to appreciate our own lawn that's all we had to do it had to walk through the backyard barefoot the grass feels different that's a ramsey ramsey saying for you newbies out there and yeah doing that in in the winter in wisconsin would be less than profitable yeah i'm with you on that i could like frostbite or something. Wow. Way to go, you guys. All right. Now, this is a pretty impressive move here. I mean, this is a power move. Three years and one month, you pay off $422,000. You're living on nothing.

Yeah. You are not buying a bunch of equipment in the business. You're just running the business, and you're running it wide open, and you're working like a crazy man. How many hours a week were you working? I mean, minimum of 12 hours a day, usually 15 to 18 hours. A lot of what we do, we do a lot of staircase work, and so I was able to come home from our on-site work

and sand and refinish stair treads and risers in our wood shop. So come home from work, eat supper, go back to work out in the wood shop. Yeah, 18 hours a day was a thing. So for two, three years you did this. Right. Just like a wild man. So now you can dolly back. Yeah.

Yeah. You do need to dolly back. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You will live like no one else. So later you can live like no one else. Exactly. Yeah, you pay a price to win, and you did.

And now we're going to live and give like no one else. You guys are incredible. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I'd say find that contentment in the journey. If you're just sitting there looking at things like, I don't have this and I don't have that, you're not going to succeed. But if you can find that contentment inside that journey, you're going to go so far.

I kind of have three things. First off, put God first in everything you do. And that's not just saying that's a real life. For real. Yeah, walk of life. And then for all you guys out there, go find yourself a virtuous woman. Yeah, I'm thinking you're working 18-hour days, but she's got three kids. Yeah.

She's working 20-hour days. Part of that was homeschool through COVID. Oh! Doing all the books and the business. Whoa! Yeah. Yeah, she put in as many hours as you did or more. Yeah.

And I noticed she didn't whine or roll her eyes when you were describing it either. No. Yeah, that's a big deal. I'm with you on this, all right? And then I'd have to say effort. You know, there's really nothing special about us. Neither one of us have college degrees.

You know, we're what this society would call undereducated. But understanding the power and the value in effort. That's really, you know, get up, get it done. And let me tell you, when you got Dave Ramsey, Jocko Willink, and Mike Rowe in your ear while you're at work, well, you just grab another cup of coffee, get back to work. Those three guys will give you no mercy on hard work. None of us. None of the three of us will let you up, I'll just tell you.

Maybe we can sleep next week. Be like the three stooges right there, man. I'm telling you, wow. And the good news is those are both really good guys yes i'm honored to be in their company so good stuff very good stuff cool all right you brought the kiddos what are their names and ages let's get them into the shot and we're going to give you a copy of the baby steps millionaires how ordinary people built extraordinary wealth how you can too because that's the next chapter in your story to be millionaires you are right on your way what are their names and ages shayden is 11 weston is eight and everly is two perfect 422 000 paid off three years in one month making 150 to 220 18

hour days count it down let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! What a great family. Oh, now they'll be able to do anything they want. They're only 33. This is the Ramsey Show. Every January we get hundreds of calls from people who are ready to start fresh and take control of their money. Without a plan, most of them never make progress, so they quit. Maybe you've been there too, but 2022 can be different.

This year you can win with money by following a plan that's worked for millions of people. We teach it to you in Financial Peace University. You'll learn a step-by-step how to save money, how to get out of debt, and how to build wealth, become a Baby Steps millionaire, and give generously. You can go through the class with other people or you can watch it online. Either way, Financial Peace University is available through a ramsey plus membership this year you can take control of your money for good start fpu for free by visiting for a free trial at ramsey solutions.com slash fpu that's ramsey solutions.com slash fpu our question of the day comes from Blinds.com.

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Today's question is from Jamie in Texas. Dave, I just blew most of my $1,000 work bonus on my online gambling addiction. I know I did the dumbest thing possible, and I need help with this addiction. I've talked to my family about it, and they're extremely supportive, but now I've started lying about it and i feel so much guilt please help me so i can refocus and stop gambling my hard-earned money away jamie um you have gotten caught up in the one of the two largest and fastest growing addictions in america today um number one addiction in america today is online porn number two is gambling and includes sports betting and sports betting right now in the height of football season is completely over

the top and out of control if i see caesar one more time i'm gonna shoot something i'm so sick of these commercials but they're making so much money off you people you think those commercials are free you know why that commercial runs on every break people because they make so much money off you so jamie i'm sorry i'm sorry you're struggling with this it's's a very harsh thing. The great news is you have recognized where you are, that you are addicted. And I'm running into a lot of young men in their 20s and early 30s who are losing everything to gambling addiction right now. Personal friends, lost jobs, marriages, you know, my kids' personal friends. It's wild, and it's really sad. So you're right to be concerned and scared and self-aware about the guilt

and the regret and the sense of no control. So what would I do if I found myself in that situation? I'm not sitting here with Dr. John Deloney at this moment, so I can't have him chime in as a professional counselor, but I can tell you as a guy who's been around addicts my whole life working with them, because 100% of addicts eventually end up broke, so we get to talk to them all the time you have got to get some people and some processes in your corner to help you and so if i woke up in your shoes uh i would go talk to my pastor and and start having a weekly lunch with him i would get plugged into gamblers Anonymous immediately. I would also call a therapist, a counselor, and start sitting down with a counselor daily, weekly, whatever it takes. Even if it costs some money, because this gambling thing is going to cost you everything if you don't break it.

It is evil and it is vicious. It is merciless what it will do to you. It will beat the snot out of you and leave you on the side of the road for dead, dude. And so you have got to be very afraid of the power of this over you. So afraid that you take drastic changes and you don't worry about embarrassment. You tell everybody, I'm addicted. Help me. I'm addicted to this. help me get out of it help

me heal this addiction help me get away from it get in gamblers anonymous get with a one-on-one counselor get with your pastor and lastly get a group of friends in your life who will bust you not the ones who you know are saying it's okay and your family it sounds like when you say they're supportive it sounds like they've been soft if you were in my life i would love you so much that you would feel it i'm gonna be all up in your stuff because i love you so much that that's what it's going to take a a pat on the back and a yay raw doesn't help when you're an addict it takes more force than that to move people out of an addictive behavior and to move them into the help that they need to break an addictive behavior and so it is not a it is not an act of love to be soft on an addict it is quite

the opposite it's borderline enabling if not full-on enabling. So, Jamie, I appreciate that your family is extremely supportive, but what extremely supportive should be is making you highly uncomfortable, not comfortable. And the way you're saying that, I kind of think they're going, oh, poor Jamie. You know, I'm going to bust Jamie is what I'm going to do because I love him, and I'm going to be all up in his stuff. And that's what it takes, man. You're not going to break something like this if you don't because there's a chemistry that goes with this.

There's the endorphin release, the dopamine release, the high you get when you hit, when you actually win, whatever it is you're gambling, whether you're sports betting or whether you're playing cards or whether you're online gambling, whatever you're doing, you get a high on it. And it keeps you coming back. It keeps you coming back. And that's the addictive nature of it. And actually, we're addicted in that case to the chemicals in our own body.

But it's not out of your control. And you're not a victim to it. And you don't have to be this way you get to choose but you've got to put some different people in your life and your buddies you've been hanging out with to think this is cool they're off limits you got to stop it if you have a drinking problem you can't run around your drinking buddies and you're otherwise you're going to have a drinking problem duh you become who you hang around with man you talk like them you walk like them you read like them you go to church like them and you treat your wife like them you become who you hang around with, man. You talk like them. You walk like them. You read like them. You go to church like them. And you treat your wife like them.

You become who you hang around with. And so you've got to put some people in your life that are different than the ones that have been in your life that thought this was okay. And that's why I'm outlining like a pastor, GA, a good counselor. And you're going to write a check or two for some of this stuff. But, again, it's going to be cheaper than the gambling addiction this is the problem the downside of the internet the internet is not evil but access to porn used to be used to have to go to a lot of effort to get to porn now three clicks and you're in four clicks and you're into stuff no human should ever see the access that the internet gives you to betting you know it's

to the point that it's like if you're not doing it you're not cool because everybody's betting and if you don't believe me watch the commercials on every football game. Every commercial break is two betting commercials at least. This is tens of millions of dollars of ad revenue. Every night, every time you turn on a football game, they don't give those commercials away. Because, by the way, let me help you with this. Broadcast television has no one watching it anymore. Their ratings have evaporated people watch on demand only the only live television

anyone is watching is the weather report on the local news and live sporting events so the nfl ratings used to be the largest thing during the playoffs and they would beat the best sitcom on cbs or the best movie of the week on nbc by a few ratings points now it's 10 and 20 and 30 x because no one is watching that crap if you've turned on broadcast television lately and you had to try to watch a movie and all the commercials keep interrupting you and and you get pissed off, that means you haven't watched broadcast TV in a long time because that's the way it's always been. But you quit watching it, and you started watching it on Netflix, on Hulu. You started watching it, and this access that it's giving you,

it's devastating, you guys. So the shift of the Internet on gambling addictive behaviors is very real. And some of you, that's your wake-up call, this little rant right here. And Jamie's little problem is a whole bunch of people's problem out there. It's an explosion of negative consequences. And you guys have got to manage it for your own lives. You're not a victim of it. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.