The Ramsey Show - App - Dave Weighs In On the Government Shut Down (Hour 3)

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

The show about you

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. You jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. Well, amidst the government shutdown, a lot of federal government employees are furloughed and are about to miss their first paycheck very soon. And people are scared. People are afraid.

They don't know what to do. Hey, I understand. I've been there too. If we can help you, you call us, and we'll walk you through it. The good news is that you will get your money. It's not like you're not going to be paid. It's just you're not going to be paid on time. And the good news is that no one really has lost anything yet.

So there's a lot of hyperbole. It's 12 days or whatever, 14 days old or whatever this is at this stage of the game. And there's a lot of hyperbole that, you know, like foreclosures are rampant or something. That's where people are losing cards. They're not. People are not. That's political rhetoric because, you know, they haven't even missed a check yet. Or if they missed one, they missed one.

And you don't get your car repossessed because you're 10 days late on the payment. You don't lose your home because you're 10 days late on the payment. You don't even get your lights cut off because you're 10 days late on the lights. And my guess is that most of these folks have some ability to pay their basics, like food and lights and that kind of stuff. Maybe the other spouse works. Maybe they have a side gig. Maybe they had a little bit of savings. But if you're there and you're scared, I understand. The plight of the federal worker completely imploding is a lot of drama by both sides,

the Republicans and the Democrats right now, because they're trying to stir up a bunch of crap in both cases. I mean, I understand some of you are scared, but the reality is mathematically you're really not in a corner yet. Now, if this goes on for another 60 days, some of you are going to be in a world of hurt. I understand. And I don't want that for you. I want you to win. I hope you get your checks soon. I hope it all is resolved.

And for all of your sakes, I don't have a negative thing to say about you. I want to help you any way we can. I've been collecting a few stories. Some of the federal government workers have been emailing us and asking us things. And so our producer said, you know, we need to address this and answer what we can. Gene in Florida says, Dave, I watch many of your videos. I'm living debt free. I'm almost a millionaire.

Conservative spending. Living on $18,000 a year. I own a paid-for house. And after only 12 days, many members of the coast guard people took out loans and many worried about not making monthly payments like rent and cars and and are making deferrals if they were on your plan and had an emergency fund this would not be a problem well that's true but anytime anybody loses a job or has a glitch in their income if they were on our plan it wouldn't be a problem but that doesn't mean we're going to beat them up for that. We just need to get them on the plan and help them.

This is not a time to be condescending to somebody. It's a time to help folk and pray for them. But, yeah, see, if members of the Coast Guard are going out and taking out loans, that's ridiculous. You don't need to do that. You're not even late yet. You just use the freak out as an excuse to go do stupid stuff. Don't be freaking out. Just be calm. Watch the thing unfold. Here's another one. My wife and I followed the baby steps years ago to become debt free. We save for emergencies, save for our kids' college, invest in our retirement. Today as a military family, here's another one, in the U.S. Coast Guard, we were

informed that our next paycheck would not arrive, and our service will work without pay until a new federal budget is approved. Thanks to your teachings, we have a proper emergency fund to cover an incident that military members do not often face. While I have faith that we will be back paid, you will be, it is comforting to know that we can live for the next six months on savings without having to rely on payday loans and credit card terms that much of the 42,000 Coast Guard members are using to face this crisis. Thanks, Dave. We appreciate that.

Yeah, again, you should not be borrowing money you don't need to you haven't missed a check and if you have it's just by a few days payday loans again people are using this as an excuse to go freak out and and you know if you're up against the wall and you're you can't eat you know go see your supervisor if you're if you're serving in the military and um you know talk this through i understand they're not going to cut you a check they don't have the money they can't do that but there's some things that can be done, and most families are not missing meals because of this. And no families are being foreclosed on because of this. Yet, no families are being repossessed.

It's not old enough. You don't miss a payment by 12 days and get foreclosed on it. It just doesn't happen, folks. Dave, I just wanted to reach out and pass you my story. I'm currently serving. Why do we got every Coast Guard thing? Are these all Coast Guards? I'm going to skip that one.

I love the Coast Guard, but I'm in three in a row. Dave, I wanted to reach out and thank you for what you do. I've heard you say in the past that when you have an emergency fund, an emergency becomes an inconvenience. Since I'm debt-free and on steps four, five, and six, I've yet to experience it in any way. Now I have. I'm a federal law enforcement officer. Last time we had a government shutdown, even for two days, I was in full freak-out mode.

We're currently on day 12, and I'm seeing everyone else freak out. And I am just like, hmm, this is a little inconvenient. That's what happens when you have an emergency fund. Ray says, I'm a federal employee on baby Step 2, so I have to keep on working. The agency says we are funded but don't want to say for how many months or weeks. Should we pause the debt snowball? Yes, you should. You should stop.

You're in the middle of a crisis. You should stop and pile up cash. Build as big a high on emergency fund as you can until your employer is stabilized. They're stable, but, I mean, your receiving of the check is the big deal. Amanda is in the Ramsey Baby Steps community. Dave, I'm in Baby Step 2 and affected by the government shutdown. I am essential, so I'm working full time. I have enough cash in the bank for two more mortgage payments.

If I don't spend another penny of my cash on food or bills, what do I do in this situation? Could I get a loan to help me during this time? It would be paid back immediately upon the government reopening. Now, Amanda, you're an example of what I'm talking about. You don't need a loan. And no, you don't use your money to pay your mortgage bill and not eat. The first thing you do is eat. The second thing you do is keep lights on.

The third thing you do is keep shelter. And mortgages don't foreclose for six months or more of delinquency. So you don't need to take out a loan. If you just miss a mortgage payment, you just go pay it later when you get your check. But you're not going to miss a mortgage payment because they're going to solve this before you run out of money. You got enough to eat and pay one mortgage payment based on what you told me, and you're going to be just fine. Don't freak out. You're watching the news too much. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. There's nothing smart about smartphones if your wireless plan is blowing your budget each month.

Pure Talk USA offers smarter wireless with unlimited plans starting as low as $20 per month. You never pay data overage fees, and we never turn off your data. No contracts, no hidden fees. And if you're thinking our low cost means less coverage, think again. Our voice and data service covers 99% of Americans, and our 4G LTE network provides the fastest Internet speeds like more expensive carriers we operate on the largest gsm network in the u.s to ensure you receive reliable coverage virtually anytime anywhere

plus you can keep your same phone and number and add multiple lines to save more we're so confident you'll love pure talk usa that we invite you to try our service risk-free. Visit puretalkusa.com or call 844-862-3677. Enter promo code SAVEDAVE and receive 50% off your first month. That's puretalkusa.com. Samantha is with us in Tampa, Florida. Hi, Samantha. How are you? I'm great. Thank you. Thank you for taking my call. Sure.

I am a stay-at-home mom of six kids, and I just am in the process of getting term life insurance on myself. And my question is, is how much as a stay-at-home mom should I be getting? And two of my six kids are from my first marriage, and so I'm curious if there's a percentage that I should leave for them and leave the rest under my husband. What would happen to them if something happened to you? Well, they're 21 and 18, so technically they would probably be just kind of on their own. Yeah, no, you don't need to. I mean, if you wanted to leave them some actual money, a little bit you could,

should something happen to you. But I don't, I mean, it would just be a little bit of a, you know, 20, 30,000 bucks or something to get started, right? But they don't need big chunks of money because they're, you know, they're able-bodied and they'll be fine. And they're virtually grown. So what we tell folks, again, is we're trying to replace the lost income. In your case, you don't have an income, but you provide a service that would have to be replaced. In other words, your husband's got to hire Mary Poppins, right? I mean.

He will because the other are 12, 10, 9, and 8. Yeah, I mean, we not only have nanny, but we have car service, we have laundry service, and we have meal service, right? So, you know, if you wanted to hire Mary Poppins, you probably could find her for somewhere around $40,000 a year right now. And so if you did that, you'd say, well, I want $400,000 on you. What's your husband make? He makes about $150,000, $160,000 with bonuses.

I'd put $400,000, $500,000 on you. And that way he could use the income off of that literally to replace not the heart, obviously, not the care of a mom, but the duties that a mom does. Right. Okay okay and it takes 40 it take 40 50 000 a year to do that i mean we're talking maid service and taxi service and tutoring yeah and um you know and laundry and food and whatever else you know i mean uh nanny so uh you know you start by adding that you got some you got some help here he's going to need or his income's going to go down because he's going to be home more

and it's going to affect his career dramatically. It would definitely go down, and I'd want us to be able to pay off the house, which is our only debt at this point. Now, what do you owe on the house? $176,000. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, again, $400,000 or $500, on you would be fine, given that he makes $150.

And so he needs $1.5 million to $2 million on him and somewhere in that range. And just check Zander Insurance and get you a deal on some term life insurance. And then later on, when the kids are grown and gone, you know, and you've got a big pile of money and the house is paid off, we don't have to worry about any of this. You can drop the insurance. You become self-insured at that point. Brad is with us in Connecticut. Hey, Brad, how are you? Hi, Mr. Ramsey. Good. How are you? Better than I deserve.

How can I help? We thank you for all the help and guidance helping us get to the point where we are now. We've reached baby steps five and six with our emergency fund, 15%, going into retirement. Right.

You know, we're trying to keep up that gazelle intensity and trying to juggle the college savings along with we really want to pay off the house. You know, we're looking for some advice and motivation to keep up the pace we're going at. It seems that we're stretching the budget as thing as we can, and, you know, do we look to increase our income? Do we, I guess we're looking for some inspiration, some more motivation and some advice in regards to that. Okay, gazelle intensity is a level of intensity where you are running for your life

as if a cheetah was chasing you, and you do not maintain that past baby step three okay but until you get to baby step three you run for your life to get out of debt and get your emergency fund in place when you cross that threshold of baby step three which you have done i i want you to let your foot off the gas a little bit and be very intentional but don't be so intense that nobody can breathe and i don't mind mind if you own beans and rice, rice and beans while you're getting out of debt. That's what you need to do. No vacations. Don't see the inside of a restaurant unless you're working there.

You're getting out of debt. That's gazelle intensity, right? But now when you come across and you've got that emergency fund in place and you're debt-free but the house, now you've got some cash flow. Now we start putting 15% away for retirement. As you said, you started your kid's college. And then any money we can squeeze or find out of the budget intentionally, a bonus or a small inheritance, we sell something, whatever it is,

something pops up, extra money, we just throw it at the house. And we just keep chunking on that house, and you'll get that house knocked out. The average is 7 to 10 years for baby step 6 to knock the house out from the time you start and uh sometimes again people sometimes take a little longer sometimes they take a little less but uh i don't want you guys where you go seven eight years with no vacation seven eight years with trying to maintain this level of intensity that because you'll just explode eventually. I mean, you don't want to do that. So this is the point you save and upgrade in car a little bit.

This is the point you save and buy that couch or you save and go on vacation. And so you have a little bit more life here, actually a lot more life here than you do when you're in those first three baby steps. But you're very intentional. Every dollar still has a name. We're still following baby steps four, five, six simultaneously. Fifteen percent of your income going into retirement, something towards kids' college, enough to where they get to go to college.

That's the idea. And then from there, we're going to go ahead and just whatever other money we can find, we start chunking it on the house. You'll be just fine doing that. All right. Lorena? Lorena is with us in Charlotte. Hi, how are you?

I'm good. How are you, Dave? Thank you for taking my call. Sure. I mispronounced your name. How do you pronounce it? Lorena. Lorena.

Okay, good. How can I help? I recently lost my father, and I am the executor of his estate. Two of the heirs are minor children. They're only six years old. There's about 4,000 going to each child, and I want to put it up and not make it available to the children who are 18 so they know that their grandfather left them something. And I've talked to a couple bankers, each from different banks, and the only recommendation was just put it in a savings account. Well, of course, it's not earning any interest.

And because it's going to be put up for the next 12, 13 years, I didn't know if you had a recommendation. I would like to grow it for them a little bit if I can. Do the terms of the will allow you to do that? It doesn't stipulate. It just stipulates I have to provide this money to the children. Okay. You should ask the attorney that's probating the estate if you're required to give it to

them now. I do not have to go. The estate did not have to go into probate. Okay. So I'm not working with an attorney um i did talk to um the girl's mothers and they are both okay um with the children not getting the money yes until they're trying i want them to uh send you an email to that effect okay so you have it in writing so they don't sue you later for not dispersing this money on this date okay okay now so what you do is called an utma it's a uniform transfer to

minors act it simply means the money is in the child's name and there is an adult custodian that's in charge of the money until the child is 21 okay utma and you can open a mutual fund with an UTMA, and you name an adult as the custodian, and the money is in the child's name. That also might help you as an executor not get sued because the money's actually been put in their name. They just don't have access to it. I did do something similar to that. It's just not drawing hardly any interest on it. Yeah, you need to be in a mutual fund. Okay. You can open a mutual fund that way. Who's just not drawing hardly any interest on it. Yeah, you need to be in a mutual fund. Okay.

You can open a mutual fund that way. Who's the custodian? You? Yes. Okay. And then I made their mothers the beneficiary if something was to happen to me. Okay, that's fine. Good. Yeah, you can do, just get in touch with one of our SmartVestor pros, and click SmartVestor at DaveRamsey.com.

They'll sit down with you. They can help you move that to a mutual fund, and click SmartVestor at DaveRamsey.com. They'll sit down with you. They can help you move that to a mutual fund, and it's just in the kid's name. You're the custodian until they're 21. It's that simple. Pick out a good mutual fund that's going to give you a better rate of return than a stupid bank savings account, which pays nothing. Yeah, you're right. Good question, and you've got a good heart.

You're doing good stuff for those kids. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. You know what I've learned after talking to so many people who have been victims of ID theft? They feel violated and they have a sense of fear and intrusion. It can be overwhelming. It's scary and infuriating at the same time. People question your character. You try to figure out how it happened and you worry it's going to happen again. Then you have to deal with cleaning up the mess.

Bill collectors, credit bureaus, even the police just make the nightmare worse. And trust me, ID theft is not going away. That's why I personally worked with Zander Insurance to develop an ID theft plan that provides the best protection and value. Smart strategies to help reduce your risk so you don't feel so helpless, along with taking over all the work if you do become a victim. And without wasting your money on gimmicks or things you can easily do for yourself, go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282.

Do not wait until it's too late and you have to go through this nightmare on your own. Go to Zander.com. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, Virginia is with us. Hi, Virginia. How are you? Fantastic. Thank you. It's an honor to have you. Where do you live? I live in Marietta, California. Whoa. San Diego area. Yes.

Wow. That's a bit of a trip over to Nashville. Whoa, San Diego area. Yes. Wow. Yes. That's a bit of a trip over to Nashville. Yes, but well worth it. To do your debt-free scream in person. Yes. I love it. Well, we're honored to have you.

How much did you pay off? Thank you. $63,314.50. Excellent. How long did this take? It took me 20 months. Good. And your range of income?

I started off with my main job and second job at a little over 94K. And I ended just last year with both jobs at around a little over 116. Wow. Excellent. So what do you do? I'm a compliance analyst for a California electric utility. Great. And your side gig?

My side gig, I had two. I worked at Amazon and I worked a retail job. Am I allowed to say what retail job it was? I worked at TJ Maxx. Okay, cool. Cool. So which paid better? My main job.

You mean of the two side hustles? Which one was good? The second job, TJ Maxx. Okay. Yes. All right. Good. Very good.

And I just wanted to say, too, I also made an additional $1,532.85 on the selling app offer up, just from stuff hanging around the house. Oh, good. Okay. Yeah. So what kind of debt was the $63,000? Well, I had a closed cable bill. I had about $6,000 on credit cards.

I owed the IRS $5,400. I had two 401k loans, a little over $20,000. Yes. A car loan at $12,000. A personal line of credit at about $15,000. And personal loan from my sister of about $15,000. I mean, not $15,000. I'm sorry, $1,500.

You were like normal. Yeah, I was really normal. Yeah, you just had a little bit of debt everywhere and just kind of be bopping along. And what happened 20 months ago? Flipped your lid. Something happened. Yeah, it did. It did.

I was turning 50, Dave. It was a milestone. Yes, it was a milestone birthday. And I wanted to have like a party reception style and invite my family and friends. I started looking into the cost of that and found it was just going to cost too much. So I went and chose a cheaper alternative, an all-inclusive vacation to Cancun, Mexico. Yes. Before I was about to leave, I sat down to pay my bills for the month.

And I was looking at my checking account, and it was really low. It was so low that I had to put one of my utility bills, a water bill, I believe, on a credit card. And I was sitting there thinking, I'm about to turn 50 years old. I've been working since I was 16 years old, and I'm putting a utility bill on a credit card. And I'm going to Cancun. And I'm going to Cancun, yes, yes. So I decided, oh gosh, I'm sorry, I'm nervous, Dave.

It's okay, you're doing good. I mean, I can feel right where sorry, I'm nervous, Dave. That's okay, you're doing good. So I- I mean, I can feel right where you are. I can feel it. This is, you're 50 years old, you're getting over this. This is, you're having an I've had it moment. I'm hearing it. Yes, yes.

I was really, I was disgusted and I was embarrassed. Although no one, anyone really knew except for my sister of what, you know, the circumstance I was in, I was really embarrassed of myself and I said you know I know how to dig out of this hole because I'm not afraid to work at all right I can dig myself out of this hole and I will when I get back from Cancun um but what what am I going to do to not end up here again because I've done it I did it time and time again. And so I went on. I had to borrow money from my sister for the trip to kind of stay afloat for the rest of the month

and to have a little bit of spending money in Canthun to at least tip and go on a couple of excursions. So she lent it to me. But you know how you say you need someone to tell you the truth, someone that's not afraid to hurt your feelings? That was my sister. I love her already. That's great.

She knows how much I make. And she says, this doesn't make any sense. She goes, where's your money going? We have to do something about this. And I remember getting mad. And I was like, we don't have to do anything. I have to do it. Are you going to lend me the money?

And she did. She have to do it. Are you going to lend me the money? And she did. She lent me the money. And so we went to Cancun, had the best time of my life. My birthday was fantastic. But if you look at the picture in Cancun, I looked great. I had lost a lot of weight. I was feeling healthy. But I was broke.

I was broke. Thank goodness the trip was all inclusive. So we got back. I knew it was about to be holiday season, and I applied to Amazon because they were hiring, of course, like gangbusters. So I got a job there first. I had posted on my Facebook page. I said, I made a financial mess of things things and it's my responsibility to clean it up. And a dear friend, Tracy, she commented in my post and she said, hey, I have the materials to Financial

Peace University with Dave Ramsey. Do you want to take the course with me? And I said, Dave Ramsey, I know him. I know you through Beachbody because I have your book on Trey Leadership. And I said, but I didn't know the Total Money Makeover or the Financial Peace University, Dave Ramsey. So I immediately went on your website. I was about to leave for that second job that night. I went on your website, researched everything, saw the classes. And I saw that you had a podcast. So on the way to work that night, I downloaded the podcast.

And there was a single mom who was a nurse doing her debt-free screen. And she went through her story and it really resonated with me. Her family was helping her. She was working like gangbusters. And I said, first time I had hope. I said, this is the answer to my question.

And so I went on to work that night but but also i heard when you were interviewing her walking her walking through the store you were talking about the baby steps listening on baby step one a thousand dollars two smallest to largest i could do that and um you said this is when it clicked you said you're getting out of debt is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge. And it clicked. Fireworks were going off in my brain because I relate. Up to that point, I had lost about 70 pounds. And I didn't think to apply those principles to my money.

This was the answer to what I needed to change my financial life. You are amazing. I went on to work, and the rest is history. That's called hope. Yes. That's fun. Yes. Very cool.

Yes. So what's the key? Tell people how to get out of debt. What do they got to do? The key, I mean, honestly, for me, taking your nine-week course, Financial Peace University, it was everything. It was a game changer. Being among other people, because I'm single, it was so awesome.

Accountability and encouragement. Yes, absolutely. And if you see me, I mean, I was running a little late to the class. And if you see me, if Kelly's showing the picture, I have that kit grit. And I'm like, I'm going to get in here. And I got in there. And when I sat down and heard everyone else's story, it was just, I had even more hope. And then I found out, too, I'm not the only financial hot mess in the world.

You know, I'm not by myself. That removes the condemnation, doesn't it? Yes, yes, yes. Good for you. Good for you. Well done. I'm proud of you. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm sure your biggest cheerleader was your sister. Yeah, absolutely. And she even came with you all the way over here to do the debt-free screen. She did. She did. What's her name? Her name is Catrice.

Way to go, Catrice. I love it. You're not only a truth teller, you're a supporter. Yes. Very good. Yes. Very cool. Yeah.

Well, congratulations. Thank you, Dave. Thank you. Very well done. Thank you. We got a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you, Retire Inspired. I've been doing that too many years. It's dialed in the library.

Every Day Millionaires because you're going to be one. Thank you. Thank you. You're on your way. Thank you, Dick. I just wanted to say, too, at some point I did audio listen to Chris's book, and that really opened up what I was doing even more for me because I have a very good job, daytime job.

And the power of the income, as you talk about, I just saw it even more clear. And I was hoping to be done with Baby Step 3 by now, but my check hasn't posted yet. You'll get there. You'll get there. I love it. Well done, Virginia from San Diego. $63,000 paid off in 20 months, making $94,000 to $116,000. Great story.

Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I'm debt-free! Yes, she is, baby. That's how you do it right there. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And the people you love will come around you and lift you up and help you win.

And we're one of the people that love you. We want you to win. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. our scripture of the day first corinthians 9 24 do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. H. Jackson Brown said, in the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins, not through strength, but by perseverance. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings.

You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos that they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Stevens in Florida. Dave, I'm approaching retirement from the Air Force after 22 years. I've got the opportunity to opt for survivor benefits for my wife on my pension. I realize the ideal option would be just to have a term policy that would replace my pension, but the price of the policy is a bit more than the cost of the survivor benefit program.

Should I just consider this as a term life policy that goes away after me and my wife pass, or is it worth the extra to pass it on to the next generation? I'm not worried about the next generation. I'm worried about her as a survivor benefit or not having a survivor benefit. So if you're not going to take the survivor benefit, you're going to buy the term life insurance to cover the drop in income that your household will have when you die. And I think you need to check Xander Insurance and the value of the survivor benefit annually,

whatever she would receive annually, times 10 or 12 is all you need in term life insurance. And I don't think that's going to be more than the drop. Typically, you'll come out a lot better off doing that because you get so much more money by not taking the survivor benefit. But you can look at it and run the numbers out. But I think you've uh either tried to purchase too much term life insurance or purchase it for too long or uh you've got an ailment or you're overweight or something like that um or you shopped for insurance the wrong

place because those numbers that you're giving me wouldn't normally turn out that way. So check further into it. But certainly, you know, the main goal here is after all these years of serving your country, you want to make sure your wife is taken care of when something happens to you, whether it's with term or with the survivor benefit. I don't care which one, but let's just run the math out and figure that out. Check Zander Insurance and talk this through with them. Zander, Z-A-N-D-E-R, Zanderinsurance.com.

All right, Carol is with us in San Francisco. Hey, Carol, how are you? I'm fine, Dave. Thank you for taking my call. I've been listening to you for a couple of years. Thank you. Can you speak directly into your phone? You're a little fuzzy. Carol.

Carol. Carol. Can you speak directly into your phone? You're a little fuzzy. Carol. Carol. Carol, can you speak directly into your phone? You're a little fuzzy. Okay, is that better? Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Okay. We have three grown sons.

The oldest is financially set. Our youngest is financially underwater, but he came to us, and rather than bailing him out, we bought him Financial Peace University. Okay. Our main concern is our middle son, who has our three grandchildren. He's 40. His finances come from donations, you know, support from people, friends, and relatives,

and that type of thing. This last summer we gave them $14,000 and that amount because they could get that without having to pay any taxes on it as they were going to a training session across country. I'm sorry, he lives off of donations? Off of financial support from friends and relatives and that type of thing, yes. For what reason? Why does he not have an income? He does have an income through that. From donations from his relatives?

From friends and relatives around the country, yes. Why? Is he in ministry or something? Yes, yes, he's in ministry. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, so he has a support group for supporting the ministry that he is in. Correct.

I got you, and he has three kids. All right, I got you. He has three children. Okay, so last summer we gave them $14,000 to go cross-country and to do some financial things that they needed. Well, then in October they came to us saying that they needed some, they were going to have to rent another house, and they needed money to get out of the contract that they were in

and to buy a new refrigerator and stove in this new place. Your phone is breaking up again. You're going to have to speak directly into it, darling. Okay. What part didn't you hear? I heard it all, but it's just getting hard to hear. So keep speaking straight into it. So come to find out, I found out that they bought season passes to Disneyland

and that my daughter-in-law went to Cancun and an all-inclusive trip. But yet in October, then they came to us and saying they needed these finances and stuff. I'm not up for that. We also did put them through Financial Peace University. They told us that they had finance help available to them through their company. i'm sorry their company well they're through their ministry oh okay okay yeah through their ministry

so you know they are going to be getting quite a lump sum when we die but um until then do we keep financing and enabling them to live without their means no no no they're using the ministry as an excuse to be irresponsible that's my feeling no it's what you just described right when i can't pay my rent and i have to go to my mother-in-law for rent after i went to a trip to Cancun, that's kind of a problem. That is a problem. Yeah. So, no, I think you... And they told me...

Now, do you live in the same area that they're in? They live in Southern California. We live in Northern California. Okay. Will you be with them in person anytime soon? No. Okay. All right.

Well, I think maybe that you and your husband get on the phone with the two of them and and here's what it sounds like if i'm you guys okay you can do whatever you want but you're asking me so this is what i would do if this was my kid um i would just say look we've given you money for years we love you we love our grandkids um we feel like we are giving a drunk a drink. We feel like we're enablers because you continue to misbehave with money and come to us as your backstop every time. We don't mind helping you, but we don't feel like we're helping you anymore. We feel like we're harming you because we're financing your irresponsibility, thereby encouraging it. And we don't want to do that anymore because we love you too much. We want what God wants for you, and that is a life of abundance. And you're not living a

life of abundance. You're living a life of financial stress because you're disorganized and you have your priorities out of whack. Now, you can be mad at us. We don't want you to be mad at us. We love you. We love the grandkids and we want to help you but we're not going to just willy-nilly give you money anymore you're going to go through financial peace university we're going to pay for it or we're not going to give you any more money and we need to let you know that and that is an act of love on our part not an act of vengeance not an act of anger we love you and we don't want to cause you to continue to be irresponsible and giving you money and financing your irresponsibility is causing that and we've come to realize we've brought you harm and we don't want to harm you we love you too much

okay you know when they came to us in october wanting more money for this move and everything i said well what happened to the fourteen,000 that we gave you this summer? And he says, Mom, we are adults. We don't need to tell you what we're doing with our money. That's right, you don't, and then you don't get my money. Yeah. People who will not take my advice and will not be accountable for the behaviors will not get money.

So he's being an arrogant, entitled person. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that supports my feeling. My husband says, well, what about grace, Carol? It's not grace. Grace is being kind to someone and lifting them up when they're hurting. It's not giving a drunk a drink. Right.

When you encourage someone's crazy or you encourage someone's irresponsibility by financing it, that's not grace. That's called enabling. It's a psychological disorder. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show and the books. We'll be back

with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. This is James Childs, producer of the Dave Ramsey Show. Once again, you made the Dave Ramsey Show one of the top five most downloaded podcasts last year. To get your daily dose of motivation and inspiration, subscribe today.