The Ramsey Show - App - Dealing With Deadbeats Who Go Back on Their Word

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony discuss: How young people can avoid money mistakes as they get older, Dangerous disagreements about money leading up to marriage, Dealing with people who flake out on their financial obligations, Paying off your student loans despite the extended pause. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Best-selling author, Ramsey personality, and podcast host, Dr. John Deloney is my co-host today as we take your questions about your relationships, your mental wellness, your job, your career, your money, your life. It all shows up right here, and we'll talk about you, baby, right in front of you. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. Some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. 888-825-5225. Some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. 888-825-5225.

Thank you for jumping in. John Deloney has a book coming out Tuesday. The clock is ticking. It's here. It's kind of like having a baby. It never gets here, and then all of a sudden it's here. I used that analogy with my wife the other day. And it wasn't good, no. You should never, ever use that analogy ever yeah yeah well i'm a grandpa

so i can get away with it we could say it just just me and you and a couple of our buddies nobody tell anybody we said that okay that's right but i'm excited man yeah next week is book launch week it will land on tuesday if you haven't gotten your copy of or ordered your copy pre-owned pre-ordered your copy of own your Past, Change Your Future, you should. It is a book that will bring healing. It's a book that will bring laughter. It is a book that will help you get your head around things you haven't even thought about maybe before. And it's certainly not for people who are mentally ill, although it'd probably help but it's more for like the rest of us that um we all

need a a framework to process the crap that happens to us and the good things that happens to us and this gives is a great great framework that's really what it comes down to own your past change your future uh he'll be in phoenix on thursday April 21st, signing books. That would be a week from today. Yep, one week from today at 6 p.m., the Desert Ridge Marketplace. Oh, that's a good store. I've done signings there. And Dallas and Barnes & Noble Prestonwood Town Center, again a good store, and that would be the following Wednesday.

He'll be doing lots of media and appearances all across the nation. That's the two book signings we're launching right now, letting you know about them. So it is book launch week next week. And if you want the best deal on the book, you get it before Tuesday because you get one month of weekly therapy sessions with our friends at BetterHelp. And you get the audio book and the e-book all for the $20 of buying the book, which is an unbelievable deal. So check it all out at RamseySolutions.com. I'm just going to start this hour with that because it's really important. It's all top of mind for us around Ramsey right now.

We're real proud of John, real proud of this book, and real proud of all of you that have bought it and are going to benefit from it like I have when I read it. All right, Casey is with us in Birmingham. Casey, what's your question? Hey, I just have a whole life policy that I've had for about six years. I'm sorry. I know. So I'm trying to figure out, do I keep that now that I've been in it for six years,

or do I go ahead and get rid of that and lose whatever money I've kind of put in? If you have a hole in your pocket, you don't keep it. You sew it up because the money keeps going through the pocket hole and keeps getting lost. Even though you love that pair of jeans, you still sew up the hole in your pocket. No, we're going to get term life insurance in place 10 to 12 times your income to cover your needs or your family's needs if they miss out on your income because you're not here. Then once you have that in place, then you drop whole life. Whole life life insurance is

the payday lender of the middle class. It is 20 times more expensive than term in order to build up a cash value that you never get because when you die they keep the cash and they only pay the face amount and so it's a horrible place to park money it's a bad bad product no one recommends it in the financial world anywhere except people that sell it right there's your hint what about okay what about is there any um uh stop to the process of using that to help with paying for kids college or anything like that okay well if you if you want to save money at one percent to save for your kids college which is going up at 7.2% a year average, you're not going to catch up. Okay.

What do I do with that cash value? I will get a cash value out of that. What do I do with that money so that I don't have taxes on that? You shouldn't have any taxes on it. It would be very unusual if you do. Your basis in a whole life policy for tax calculation is the total of all the premiums you paid in you probably won't even get that back and if you get if you get any more than that back um it's very unusual for you too but if you get

any more than in six years i mean almost guarantee you you won't get that back but um you might if you get a little bit more back it's going to be taxed at ordinary income. It's not an investment. It's a bad product. So you're going to be taxed at ordinary income on the gain if there is any. But very doubtful you'll have that. I'd say 98% of the time you don't. So anyway, what do you do with it? Anytime you have found money, you put it on the baby steps.

When the government looks at a sale of something and they say, you know what, guys, we're not even going to take that money. That's how you know it's a bad product. When the government looks at a sale of something and they say, you know what, guys, we're not even going to take that money. That's how you know it's a bad product. When the IRS is like, you know what, y'all made a pretty poor decision. I'm going to let you keep this money. We're going to. Even we feel bad for you.

Because you have a whole life policy. Summer's with us. Summer's in Houston, Texas. Hi, Summer. Hi, it's an honor to speak with y'all you too what's up um so my question is i'm currently 21 but i'm already on baby step four about to graduate and i guess my question is how should my next financial steps change since i'm not planning on having kids yet or buying a house wow what are you graduating in um i'll be an accountant at cpa good for you wow and you're going you're graduating with no debt

correct we paid cash both my parents and i okay so you've been working and getting scholarships and they had some money to chip in yes wow why'd it go man that's amazing you're stud so when you say you're worried about making mistakes what are you worried about falling into um i feel like i'm already ahead of where i need to be in life financially like i have you know extra money that i don't know what to do with and i feel like it should be invested but i should give some of it and I've been doing both but I still feel like there's more I could be doing or extra money that I'm just kind of sitting on yeah well I would be putting uh 15 percent away once you graduate into retirement as a baby

step four like you said you were um and above that I I might start doing some long-term investing, maybe like an S&P 500 fund to park some money for a house later. You're not in a hurry to buy a house today. You're not worried about kids today. So we're just living, and we've got a big pile of money. So let's just pile it over there in that S&P 500, and you can do anything you want to do with it later. But it puts'd make a wonderful put you in a wonderful position maybe even to pay cash for a house because you're

you're you know you're way ahead of normal but you're right really where you should be if everybody did what you did we'd have a completely different economy um because we wouldn't have 1.7 trillion dollars in student loan debt and that would that would be a that's draining and sucking the blood out of the economy. So you're incredible. You've done a great, great job. Congratulations. at 25 i thought i was hot stuff but i was actually a hot mess. The good news is the dumb mistakes you make in the past do not determine your future. Your decisions today do. After going bankrupt,

I set out to learn the right way of managing money, and I developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. Now, after three decades of guiding millions of others through the Baby Steps, it's clear this proven plan works. Right now, my number one bundle, the starter special, is 70% off and has everything you need to get rid of debt and plan for your future. In this bundle, you'll get our best-selling book, The Total Money Makeover, Rachel Cruz's newest bestseller, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, and her new money assessment, plus so much more. If you want to get out of debt, build wealth, set your

children up for success, and plan for retirement, here's where you start. So order the starter special while it's 70% off at RamseySolutions.com. That's Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Hey, guys, we're back on the road. If you want to be in an energy-packed, jam-packed arena filled with real humans to experience what it means to live life to the fullest. We want to have you check this out. Picture all your favorite speakers on one stage. The Smart Conference is back.

We've been three years. Oh, thank you. We're back on the road. I'm so happy. Dallas, October 22nd, all day long. If you come to the Smart Conference at the end of the day, I promise you'll be smarter. We're going to be talking about mental health. We'll talk about your career.

We'll talk about your money. We'll talk about millionaires. We'll talk about leadership. We'll talk about everything. So, Dr. John Deloney, Rachel Cruz, Ken Coleman, all of the Ramsey's team, and Craig and Amy Groeschel will be speaking on marriage. Tickets are only $39 for the entire day, and this is going to be a blast. It is not yet sold out, but it will early.

As you know, all concerts and sporting events and everything post-pandemic are selling out very, very quickly. People like to be around people, it turns out. Who knew? So check it out go to ramsey solutions dot com slash events october 22nd is a smart conference our question of the day is from blinds.com find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings you get free samples free shipping new promos all the time and you'll save even more

always use the promo code ramsey it's magic it'll give you money off today's question comes from eric in iowa eric writes my girlfriend and i are 26 and have been dating for about a year and we both have similar amounts of student loan debt i really want to pay off my student loans within the next couple years because all of the stress that it causes me my girlfriend wants to live it up while we're young and ignore her student loans for as long as possible. I feel guilty when we spend money on entertainment and vacations because it's postponing our journey to becoming debt-free.

Whenever I bring up my concerns about our spending habits, she becomes dismissive. I'm worried that she views paying off student loans as an insurmountable challenge. How can I convince her to take action with me? If I can't, is this a lost cause? Dave, this doesn't sound like it's about debt. This sounds like about somebody who loves somebody

and he keeps trying to say, hey, this is an important value for me and a continuation of our relationship. And the person he loves is saying, it's not for me and we're going to move on and that's hard that's real hard yeah it is it's going to be a heartbreak here yep but either sooner or later yeah um or she's going to suddenly grow up one of the two because she's being a child um so eric here's the problem

the number one cause of divorce in north america today the number one thing people fight about is money and money problems and so when you are not in agreement not in alignment on the number one problem in marriage that's like a flare going off warning warning warning warning warning you're about to screw up that's what that's saying right i mean if like the number one way that your car blows up is when this one light comes on and it comes on and it comes on pull over quick you're about to blow your freaking car up i mean this is you're not the exception to this. Okay? So that's what's going on. That's where you are. And so regardless of her motivation, her reason, her lack of hope, or she's just a princess or whatever it is, she's not in alignment with you. And you guys are using a lot of we language with a girlfriend.

Okay? There's not a we when it's a girlfriend. There's a we date, but we don't have a budget because there's not a we when it's a girlfriend there's a we date but we don't have a budget because there's not a we you're not married uh when you're married it's a we yeah uh but until you're married it's not a we and even when it's a fiance it's not a we it's a future we but it's not a we and right now this is just a girl friend you said that three times by the way yeah and had a buddy who talked to me he gave me this this phrase when it came to eating right and exercising. And he said, man, being 100 pounds overweight is really hard.

It's exhausting. Your knees hurt. Your back hurts hard. And exercising and losing 100 pounds is really hard. So the goal here isn't avoidance of hard. The goal is what hard are you going to choose? And by not choosing a hard you automatically choose something hard that's right so it's not avoiding the the discomfort so

i'll use that same phrase with with eric being with somebody that you love who constantly dismisses a value you have you constantly feel guilt even when you're having fun and doing joyful things together is going to be really hard. It's a hard way to live. And having a conversation with somebody you love saying, I'm scared about debt. I don't want to enter into a marriage with you and still have this stuff. Can we start now? It's going to be a hard conversation.

Pick your heart. Either way, moving forward, you're going to have a hard conversation. It's better to have it on the front end and be honest and be direct and then move on well i'm afraid we'll break up well you're going to break up you're going to break up it's just a matter of whether it's after you're married and two hundred thousand dollars in debt yeah or whether before you're married and you don't have her debt yeah i tell addicts you're gonna get a group you get to choose one or the court will order you into one you get to pick you're gonna break up yes does a lawyer gonna take your money or not yeah have the conversation how much pain and children are gonna be involved that's the only question so um yeah this is not the thing so

but she could say okay you know it's a big deal to you and maybe i need to look at this and let's turn around eric don't come to her and say hey we got to get this debt paid off we got come to her and say there's not a we by the way i'm scared i'm paying off my debt and for us to go forward we've got to be in alignment you can't you can't break you know uh so i'm not going to go on vacations debt is not a reason to break up no not being in alignment on money and how it's going to be handled and children and how they're going to be handled and if we're going to have them and in-laws that are crazy and how we're going to deal with them and religion. These are the four things, the four horsemen that will destroy your marriage. In-laws, extended family, how we're going to deal with the crazy extended family

because there's one in every pile, I'm just telling you. And are we going to have kids and are the inmates and um the the uh the how are we going to have kids and are the inmates going to run the asylum or are the kids going to behave um all this kind of stuff uh money how are we going to handle that are we going to save are we going to live within our means are we going to stay out of debt um are we just going to go yolo thank god it's friday i'm a child and which is what she's doing. And, you know, we're going to have, you know, I believe in God, and I think you're an idiot for believing in God. These are our two religions.

This is not going to work either. So it's very, very difficult. Those are the fourth most likely things, value system things, heavy discussions that enter into the poison uh poison in the dna of a marriage yeah and i think beneath that is how are we gonna if you tell me one of your values and i don't believe it's a value of mine how am i going to respond am i going to ignore you am i going to blow you off am i going to say i'll hold your hand and go deeper down that let's go talk to somebody let's get some more information let's go meet with experts how are we going to approach those crossroads when we have them um is also i think

it's important man and this just complete dismissal yeah it's danger will robinson get out we're going to have toxic conflict we're going to have healthy conflict or we're going to have no conflict which is also toxic conflict that's right yeah no yes except that one's just more insidious because it poisons everyone around you when a spouse and a husband are yelling at each other everybody knows stay away when they are just burning the that no conflict you can feel it in the air everyone's shoulders are tight just walk in the room and everybody's on eggshells so all of that to say eric um yeah if you were my son uh i would say hey time to have a have a, what do they call it, DTR.

DTR. I learned about that, too. Define the relationship. Back when my kids were teenagers 25 years ago, 20 years ago. Yeah, it's time to define the relationship. And are we just dating? In which case, you get to do whatever stupid butt stuff you want to do with your personal life. We're just dating um but if we're moving towards something more serious than dating

which is the way this is worded um a requirement of that is a you're not going to be dismissive of things that are important to me this matters to me i'm scared about this and b i'm not going to be dismissive of you on things that are important to you um and c we've got to be in alignment on the big things the little things we can work around, but the big things, can't work around those. Can't work around those. Luckily, they got me and you, and we're perfect husbands. And our advice is always right. A hundred percent.

Eric, this is free. These are two guys who have tripped and fallen a few times. We've got the scars and bruises to prove it. I've answered this question about somebody who's been married 10 years. And I've answered this question from before they ever get married. It's a lot easier before you get married. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, best-selling author, author of the brand-new book that comes out Tuesday.

Own your past, change your future. A not so complicated approach to relationships, mental health, and wellness. You can preorder your copy along with a whole bunch of goodies if you preorder it before Tuesday at RamseySolutions.com. Tyler and Jenny are with us on the debt free stage right here in the studio what's up guys how are you we are good excellent cool so where do you guys live green castle pennsylvania okay what's that near it's about 12 hours in a van with three kids from here it's near nothing okay cool welcome good to have you guys how much have you paid off about a hundred and two thousand dollars wow and how long did that take 26 months 26 months

and your range of income during that time 120 to 140 120 to 140 you guys got after it now if you put that many kids in a van don't you double the number of hours effectively it's like dog years that sounds about right. Yeah. Okay. Except dog years are seven times, right? But yeah, it's not quite seven with that many kids in a van, but it's at least double. Five hours is at least like 10.

Are we there yet? And I've got to pee. Right? You got it. Oh, my gosh. So what kind of debt was the $102,000? It was a mortgage. Oh!

Yes! Look at that weird people! Yes. I love it. What's this house worth? I'd say about $2 Oh, yes. Look at that weird people. Yes. I love it. What's this house worth? I'd say about 270. How old are you two? I'm 38.

I'm going to be 40 this month. All right. And you're the kings of Greencastle. That's right. No question. And man, you're so weird. With a paid for house. Rocking it.

I love it. Very, very cool. house. Rocking it. I love it. Very, very cool. So what happened to you guys 26 months ago? Tell us the story. Yeah, well, probably a couple of years before that is really where it started for us. We just had this time where month after month after month we were spending more than we were making. And it was so frustrating because we had worked really, really hard early in our marriage to pay off student loans. And, you know, we didn't have most debt.

And to not being able to live off what we were making was so frustrating. And I remember having conversations together where I felt like this was my fault. I'm the financial guy, right? You know, this is my responsibility. What do you do for a living? I work in IT. Oh, okay. All right.

What about you? I was a stay-at-home mom for several years, and when we decided that this was going to be it, I went back to work. I groomed dogs, and I taught art lessons at a local ceramic studio. Wow. Good for you. Yeah. But, I mean, like I said, it just reached this breaking point, and Jenny was really

encouraging. She said, you know, this is not your fault. We're in it together. And she said, I think we have a book downstairs. Maybe we could read it. And I knew exactly which book she was really encouraging. She said, you know, this is not your fault. We're in it together. And she said, I think we have a book downstairs. Maybe we could read it. And I knew exactly which book she was talking about. The problem was I had taken it and given it away 10 years ago because I definitely did not need to read anything

that you guys had to say. So, you know, hindsight. But we remembered the name and we started looking it up. Now this is how I sell two books to everyone. Exactly. Actually, he went downstairs and grabbed Harry Potter 1, and he's like, are we going to read this? And she was like, that's not the book.

But we found your content, and we started really absorbing it and just crushing it, and that's when we came up with really our first budget in our entire marriage, and we learned how to track it. I mean, that was key for us. And again, hindsight, that's so obvious. Measure what you want to get results in. So we came up with a budget, and things were going really, really well for us. I mean, and again, hindsight, that's so obvious, you know, measure what you want to get results in. So we came up with a budget and, you know, things were going really, really well for us. And then we went through Financial Peace University. And so that was kind of like next

level. And then we started going through every line item on that budget. You know, we were switching utility companies if they didn't meet what we wanted. We were making all kinds of insurance changes. And it was really, really cool. And we felt in control of our money for probably the first time in our marriage. How long have you been married? 17 years this year. Wow. Yep. Yep. But really the coolest part for us in this whole journey, I mean, the mortgage was really exciting. But once we got to this point in our journey, God put a ministry opportunity in front of us and he told us that two kids needed to come live with us for a while. And before this process, absolutely, we would have said no to that because we couldn't afford it. But we said yes. And the girls were with us for

almost a year. And when they moved back in with their mom is when we really sat down and said, you know what, God put this opportunity in front of us when we got our financial house in order. What happens? What's he going to ask us to do if we pay this house off? What good can we do when that happens? So we sat down and made a plan for it. I think plan number one was like, hey, six years, let's just put a little bit in a month. It's a six-year plan, and I'm not that patient. So we worked it for a year, and then Jenny said, yes, she's not very patient, and I love her very much. But she said, yeah, what does it take to get through this in a year? And so we did the math, and that's when she started working two or three jobs at the same time,

and we just really got after it. And it was a team effort. I mean, our kids were a big part of it. Usually when one of us was weak and said, hey, I want to go get Chipotle for dinner, one of the kids would say, Dad, is this in the budget? It's, shoot, no, it's not. So we may not have been gazelle intense for that, but we were like wounded gazelle. And so it was awesome.

So we got it knocked out at the end of last year and it's been fantastic. Wow. And the kids, like ours was just to pay off the debt, but our kids, we told them that when it was paid off, we would give them each $20 to go to the grocery store and buy whatever they wanted because we had been on this budget for so long. And so that was their like, no, we can't do that because we're waiting for this grocery store trip. I cannot go to Chipotle until I get my 20 bucks. All right. And nowadays, 20 bucks will buy you three pieces of cheese. That's fantastic.

Yeah. But it was a fun celebration when we got to that point. It was awesome. That's very cool, guys. Very cool. What's the best marriage disagreement y'all had over the last couple of years? It's probably been about this budget. Yeah. And how long it was taking.

Ah. Yeah. But it's cool to be on the other side of it. I mean, we still use the budget. We still track it. Just now we're not writing a check out to a mortgage company, which is super exciting for me.

I feel like we're writing that check out to us. You are writing it out to you. You get to keep your money. That's right. What a neat idea. That's right. I love it. You don't have to wash dogs anymore.

That's so fantastic. You know, I love it. You still do? Oh, man. Good for you. Jenny's a hard worker. Neat idea. That's right. I love it. You don't have to wash dogs anymore. That's so fantastic. You know, I love it. You still do? Oh, man. Good for you. Jenny's a hard worker. Good for you. All right.

What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? You paid off your house before you were 40. Yeah. I mean, I think one of the big pieces for us is recognizing that the money is not ours. This is God's money that he's entrusted with us. And I think when you have that mentality, you want to do good with it. You want to do the best you can with it. And so that was a really big help, I know, for me.

And I think the other part for us was when you have a common goal with your spouse, it's pretty incredible. When we started this, I did not expect that Jenny and I would be growing so much closer together. But when you come together in a goal, it's just amazing how you grow in your relationship. Yeah, that's powerful. and the grass does feel different yeah thanks take your shoes off and walk through the backyard we did when there is no mortgage it was winter but it still felt better it's cold it's amazing to see uh your three kids are still breathing after having been told no for a few years right they've made it somehow they're still clothed they've got shoes their hair is great well done everybody you've

broken some myths yeah yeah very good good job yeah there's something about like you said when you start realizing you're managing money for someone else when a person of honor realizes uh i have to take care of this for someone else when I'm managing God's money for him instead of my money for me. It changes because you will do things for other people you wouldn't do for yourself. You'll sacrifice at a different level, which is kind of an interesting dynamic to me. But we had the same exact experience in the Ramsey house. So congratulations, you guys. Thank you.

We're very proud of you. You're rock stars, man. So you've been investing in your 401ks and in your IRAs and your retirement. How much is in there? I'd say about $330,000 so far. Okay. So you're going to be 45. You're going to be Baby Steps Millionaires. Next couple of years. We're watching closely. You're right on track. Way to go, guys. I'm so proud of you. 45-year-old millionaires looking at us. They're not there yet, but they'll be there soon with a paid-for house. We've got a copy of the Baby Steps Millionaires book for you because you're on that track for sure.

That's the next chapter in your story. And a copy of Total Money Makeover since you gave yours away. And you can now give it away again. This time stir up a ruckus. What are the kids' names and ages? So we have Nate is our oldest. He's 12. Josh is 10.

And Cora is 6. All right. Everybody's looking good. All right. There's the $20 gang right there. That's what we're going to call them. I like it. Tyler and Jenny from Pennsylvania along with Nate, Josh, and Cora.

$102,000 paid off in 26 months. House and everything We're looking at weird people Count it down Let's hear a debt free scream 3, 2, 1 We're debt free Yes

Yes So great Awesome I love it About as good as it gets right there, gentlemen, ladies. That's how it works. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones this hour at 888-825-5225.

Murray is in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Hi, Murray. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Hi, Dr. John. I appreciate you guys helping me with my question today. Sure. What's up? So I have my best friend growing up. He grew up here with me in Pennsylvania. He moved to California. He's been living there for a few years. He is getting married soon, which is very exciting. Naturally, I'm the best man, so I'm pulling together the bachelor party for him out there.

It's going to be kind of close to L.A., so it's pretty expensive. Of course, as the best man, I'm covering all the parts for him, for the groom, but I have blended an Airbnb there, which is pretty expensive. A month ago, I got everybody saying that, you know, like the one I chose was a good option. This was the last weekend in May, like right before Memorial Day.

I just managed to book it. I did front the money for it, and today I got, like, you know, I haven't had anyone pay yet for it. And today I had someone reach out, one of his friends from California, saying, like, well, I kind of live close anyway. I'll come hang out with you guys. But I won't stay the night. So, therefore, I won't have to, like, you know, pay my part for the Airbnb. And now his other friend who's out there, like, I don't know if they're collaborating, but he's kind of giving the same kind of messages but hasn't, like you say, hasn't, like, really decided yet.

So I'm just kind of wondering, like, do I just kind of, like, eat the cost for their portion? How much is the money? It worked out to be about $200 a person, including the groom. So I'm covering his part. So the total out-of-pocket for you, the total to rent the Airbnb was how much? It was like around $800. Yeah, and what do you make a year? So I do have plenty of money to cover.

It's not really as much of a money issue. Together, my wife and i make a little over 150 so that's not a problem dude listen just eat it eat it and go on through life enjoy the wedding i mean i just i mean i don't know how people are like comfortable if not like with only people stuff i don't know i think i just need to get over and just realize their hate friends or cancel it cancel it man or tell them they can't come if they don't pay i mean you're running the show here i i'm just gonna lean into dave push back i'm just gonna lean into what i'm not gonna carry other people's stress and if i'm gonna go

to the wedding anyway and i'm gonna plan for a good evening it stinks man but it is what it is you know i i might the most i would ever do is maybe one message back, and I would just say, you know, I booked this based on each of everyone paying their part. It's disappointing that you won't, but whatever. Yeah. And just shame them a little. Yeah, here's my Venmo. Okay.

Like, here's my Venmo. And then, dude, I'm not going to give it another second thought. Yeah, just move on. It stinks. It's the worst. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you've already stressed more than 800 bucks over it and you guys are thinking the same thing

even like because I'll be drinking and stuff that night and like you know not crazy or anything I'm like 30 but you know how that is but like I know some 30 year olds that can still get after it but yeah I might say hey I'm going to cover this or cover yeah I mean here's the thing.

Make peace with what you want to do. You're trying to make everybody happy here, and at the same time, you have this need that you want met, which is everybody contributing their fair part, and at some point, you have to run up against that fantasy and say, that's not happening. And so what's the picture of the party that I was asked by the groom to throw? And I'm going to lean into that,

and I get to decide who's there and who's not. I mean, you get to make all these calls. Make the decisions and just move on with your life. You're not going to make everybody happy and have everybody meet all your needs too. Yeah, I think between her and I, we were disappointed about everything, but I think we were kind of leaning towards just whatever happens, happens. I don't want to ruin the groom's time by telling people they can't come or they can't spend the night.

Just have two different coolers for paid and didn't pay. One of them is going to be full of Capri Suns, and one of them is going to be full of really nice drinks. Okay. That's what I would do. And there's going to be four hot dogs, and then there's going to be catered food for those who paid. Flamin' on.

That's right. And hot dogs, right. I mean, you can have some food for those who paid. Flamin' yon. That's right. And hot dogs, right. I mean, you can have some fun with it, man. Just like Dave said the best, all this is a soul tax. You've put in more than $800 worth of worry when it comes to the balance on your net worth. Let it ride, man. Yeah. I probably, if it was my buddies or – these aren't actually your buddies.

They're friends of the groom that are being quirks they're not your friends uh i probably just send them a note and say hey i booked this on the idea that everybody was going to pay their fair share if you don't want to i'm more concerned about the groom's happiness than i am mine or yours if you don't want to pay your part that's okay but i did book it based on your word that you were coming and just leave it like at that and you know just call their honor out and shame them a little. I would. Feel free to bring your own drinks. And then drop it.

Yeah. And then drop it. Oh, by the way, it's going to be BYOB for you. Exactly. No, I'm kidding. I'm done. But you got to – the thing is you're a person that values honor. And these kinds of details are a big deal to you.

In your personality style and the way you're wired and your upbringing, that's not true for everyone. And when you run into people that it's not, you've got to learn to let them loose because you're not going to change them. And you're either going to stir this up and make it a big deal or you're just going to let it go and it's not a big deal or or the third option is you can just choose to seethe and you're going to you're choosing misery when you do that yeah that's just a silly way to choose yeah frank's in akron oh Ohio. Hey, Frank, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Thanks for taking my call.

Sure. How can we help? So I'm a big fan. I read the book, Total Money Makeover. I'm going to read baby steps eventually, but I have a question today because I have student loans, and I pulled out a mortgage in 2020, and the student loans keep on getting deferred. And they were supposed to be due May 1st, and then they got deferred till September 30th. And I really don't know what Congress wants to do with these loans. And I don't really bank on the federal government, but I'm almost like thinking that this might be one of their things like forgive one day just to get more votes. So I don't know if I should be paying those right now because there's zero interest or maybe investing instead that was kind of my yeah well um here's the thing i've been doing this a long time and the number of times i have met someone who was uh had their life

financially changed positively by the people in Washington, D.C., is zero. Okay? So if you're waiting on your life to be good because of something that they do with the Island of Misfit Toys up there, your life's always going to suck because you're always waiting on them to grow a brain, and they don't have a single brain between all of them put together up there. So it's not going to happen. Listen, the Democrats ran on the idea that they were going to forgive student loans.

They're in control of the House, the Senate, and the White House, and they've not presented a single bill for student loan forgiveness. Don't you call BS at this point? I am. And so, no, they're not going to pay them off they're not going to forgive them not anytime soon anyway and you need to get this stuff out of your life as soon as you possibly can the tragedy is is that all these interest payments have been delayed and then delayed and then delayed and yet six out of ten student loans have not made any payments during this time. Instead of taking advantage of the lack of interest and crushed it,

they're sitting back and waiting on AOC to fix their life. And, honey, she ain't going to do it. So, no, you need to get this paid off as fast as you can. Anything to add to that? I've got an unpopular take on this, and it's this. I signed up. My wife and I had to pay off six figures of student loan debt we signed up for a million million different loans but at the end of the day i looked at somebody and looked them in the eye and shook their hand and said if you will help me get through school i'll pay you back and so i always felt a moral

obligation now i know there's people who are tricked I know there's people who are asked to sign stuff that they don't fully understand. Absolutely, I'm all about taking care of them. But for most of us, we signed our name on the piece of paper. We just didn't do the math.

We didn't fully have a picture of what we were going to be asked to do over the next 20 or 30 years. And so I say, don't wait on the government. Do the right thing. You sign your name. Pay the stupid things off

and let's get on about your life. Yeah. Wow. Use all these interest rate breaks. These interest rates. Just breaks these interest rates burn through the principle way to burn it up and get rid of it yeah instead of standing back and waiting on someone in the white house to fix your life never do that on any subject this is the ramsey show The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show.

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