The Ramsey Show - App - Dealing With Dysfunctional Family (Hour 3)

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, and host of the dr john deloney show is my co-host today thank you for joining us you can hear him every week on the ramsey networks as well you want to be sure and tune in on that and check out many of his number one best-selling books on relationships boundaries mental health and such so we're here to help the phone number
Starting point is 00:01:02 is 888-825-5225. Luke's in Kansas City. Luke, what's up in your world? Hi, thank you for taking my call. Sure. How can we help? Yeah, so I am considering going into business with my father. And my question is, I wanted to see, do you have any advice for going into business with family? And what should I be most aware of? Yeah, don't. I'm just kidding totally kidding i'm sitting by a guy who runs a pretty successful family business so i'm just being a smart aleck dude i i enjoy working with my family in the business um but we have we have worked at it so that we could enjoy it all right so i can do a whole seminar on this that takes eight hours i'll try to give
Starting point is 00:01:45 you some high points okay um number one when you're on site working with your father he is not your father he's your boss okay so you you don't use your whiny teenager voice on him right you treat him like you would treat your boss at another place he owns the freaking company you work for him you're an employee act like it okay and he in turn my advice to him is to treat your son with the same dignity and respect and compensation that you would another team member in that same position. So when my son came on board out of college, he started selling radio ads, which is one of the hardest jobs in the building because you have to put up with these things called ad agencies,
Starting point is 00:02:40 which are a royal pain in the butt. And he had a really tough year year and a half but he wasn't working for me he was working for a guy that worked for a guy that worked for a guy that worked for me several layers down in the company right but he was getting the college knocked off of him for sure he had you know and so he had a tough year and a half here but he got paid the same pay that the other salespeople selling ads got paid and he treated me with the same respect that he would the CEO of a company that he worked for if he'd gone to work somewhere else and I treated him the same way with respect
Starting point is 00:03:14 while we're on-site my kids don't even call me dad on-site they call me Dave because if you go into a meeting and say my daddy said it's a different meeting right then room just tilted yeah bro let me tell you the first time rachel cruz started saying dave freaking said this and this in that meeting and i was i finally said are you setting me up i don't i don't am i supposed to be like yeah or no is like i didn't know what to do and that's when she clued me in no no no here at work he's dave he's dave yeah at home when i'm at home i put on my papa dave hat and i spoil her kids that's my job give them lots of sugar and send them home so that's my deal right so um you know and so when we're at work we wear work hats and when we're at home we change our hat
Starting point is 00:04:00 and so i'm dad or papa dave or whatever at home and i'm father-in-law at home um that kind of thing i have daughters how do you keep that how do you have how you set that boundary to be consistent we we don't actually we police it on each other we don't violate we don't talk business either except on site okay so christmas dinner is not spoiled for everyone else by the two goopers that work there right because nobody else wants to hear all the crap that you two are going to deal with yeah you know your wife didn't hear it all she hears it all when you come home at night anyway you know that kind of stuff so you know you need to have some on-site off-site rules like that
Starting point is 00:04:39 and he needs to pay you fairly but not overpay you, pay you for the position, not for the position of son. Mm-hmm. Okay? And then you need to get in there and earn your dadgum stripes and earn the right to move up to the organization so that no one looks down on you when you do move up in the organization because this guy worked twice as hard as everybody else. Mm-hmm. You got to work twice as hard to be respected because they immediately think you're the duper boss's son and you got to earn the team earn
Starting point is 00:05:11 with the rest of the team and our kids do that they've done a wonderful job of working they work they work their tails off man and um our team has great respect for them and i'm very proud of that so that's a couple of things that you can do. Another thing or two to remember is that no family business is more or less functional than the family is. Yeah. So if you have tremendous family dysfunction, if your relationship with your dad is wicked sideways,
Starting point is 00:05:43 well, don't expect it to be anything else when you go to work over there. It's going to be just as dumb as it is otherwise. But if you and your dad get along good, you like fishing together, hunting together, you like doing whatever it is you do together, all that kind of stuff, you like hanging out as two adults now together, then that's going to work real good inside the business. My son and I, we ski together, we do all kinds, we shoot together, we do all kinds of stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:04 My daughters and I do stuff. I mean, we enjoy each other as adults. And so that's going to show up in the business. But if crazy is your family script, then expect crazy to be in the business, right? So it doesn't go away. And so that's the problem with it. And then lastly, someday your dad's going to want you to you're going to want to take this place over and he's going to want to step aside and hand it off you guys need to start talking about that sooner rather than later your dad founded this business um yeah it's it's more complicated than that but in a roundabout way yes okay all right well the person that starts a business from the ground up has the hardest time handing it off yeah founders have emotional trouble handing it off i'm a founder
Starting point is 00:06:50 founders are hard heads we're stubborn it's how we pull this crap off because we would not be denied and then when it comes time to turn it over it's very difficult to to do that it's like putting your kid out for adoption and it's it's really hard for founders emotionally to do that so i've had to really concentrate on that and work hard at it it's not been an easy emotional journey for me to turn this thing over and uh you know my son's now the president of ramsey and i'm the ceo but he runs a lot more of the day-to-day of this place than i do today and so um but that's been a 12 year journey to get to that point it didn't just and come out of college and step into that i can promise you that let's talk more about your
Starting point is 00:07:32 admission of being stubborn and hard-headed let's go there for a minute i'm just kidding why do you need you need some counseling hours or something no hey um i wouldn't have, if I was just a spectator watching you on the stage say those things you just said, I would think, yeah, but I've seen it. And I'll tell you, the first few times I was around you guys at the lake house versus in the office, it's almost like being on the boat all day and getting on the land, and you have to take a minute to settle in. Oh, yeah. We completely changed gears it's a totally different shift right and almost um not quite the same there's still a level of respect
Starting point is 00:08:12 and distance but there's a very distinct friend dave like when we're all hanging out versus when we're here at the office we're here at the office to tangle up it should be yeah and who wants to hang out with a twerp on a boat? Or who wants to go with their boss? Waking a finger, yeah. That's awful. Yeah. No, it's pretty impressive to watch it be separate like that. But it's an intentional act.
Starting point is 00:08:35 It's a practice. It doesn't occur, and we've studied it to learn how to do that from other people. So it's a great question, Luke. Thank you for joining us. If you want to hear more things like that, we do a podcast every week called Entree Leadership, where I take calls from small businesses. And you can check that out. It's one of our Ramsey Network productions, highly rated as well.
Starting point is 00:08:55 Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial
Starting point is 00:09:39 needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs. Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Thank you for joining us, America. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. We're so glad you are here. Hey, guys, I want to tell you thank you. Last week was the largest
Starting point is 00:10:18 ratings week in the history of The Ramsey Show in 32 years. The number of YouTube downloads, the number of podcast downloads, and numbers of minutes listened, the ratings on any format that carries this show, and we got it on almost everything out there. But the numbers were just astronomical. I was out of town, so it's a little bit insulting that you people gave it the best week ever when I wasn't on the air. But that's okay. We'll still take the victory. And very good.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Thank you, guys. And listen, we can still use your help. We run in the top two or three, five, depending on what minute it is, of the Apple podcasts in the world. There's two million Apple podcasts. And we're usually one, two, or three, somewhere in there. Maybe five, somewhere in there. So I hadn't looked today, but we're usually one two or three somewhere in there maybe five somewhere in there so and look today but we're always right in there and that kind of thing is what tells us that we're reaching a lot of people and the way we reach people is you tell them so subscribe to the show
Starting point is 00:11:15 click the subscribe button that helps the algorithms big time uh the follow button right depending on what type of format you're on whether you're podcast or youtube or whatever it is you could a lot of these formats have a share button where you can share it with a friend by clicking a button do that or you can clip you can uh copy the link and send that to somebody uh share it share it share it if you're listening on talk radio there's 680 talk radio stations carrying the show every day out there and you can share just say i listen to such and such a station that tell people about us that you're our number one marketing we don't own a football stadium like so far i got i sneezed i'm sorry but the uh i don't have we're not putting 300 million dollars into that marketing
Starting point is 00:11:58 so you guys are the ones that tell other people that the ramsey thing's helping me and then that helps us thank you and it helps us help other people that the Ramsey thing's helping me. And then that helps us. Thank you. And it helps us help other people. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Our question today comes from Kimberly in Oklahoma.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Kimberly writes, my fiance and I purchased a house together in 2022. We were both in our 50s and had been homeowners in the past. Our deed has the phrase right of survivorship in it, where if one of us dies, the property automatically goes to the other. Well, my fiance passed away late last year, and while researching about selling the house, I found out he had filed a quit claim back in October right before he had surgery to remove a tumor. The quit claim deeds his half of the house to his sons who are 23 and 26 neither one of them has
Starting point is 00:12:47 any interest in living in the house or paying for it does the quit claim supersede our deed wording about the right of survivorship if so how do i go about selling my house if they have legally inherited it should they be paying half the mortgage hoa and taxes good god what a mess um this is why you do not buy a home with someone you're not married to even if they're your fiancee ever ever this is why i've seen this kind of wicked weird stuff for 30 years when people buy a house that aren't married. Well, we love each other. Good. Get married.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Then buy a house. Stop this stupidity. Oh, bless your heart, Kimberly. I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to go through. And what a weird type of betrayal. So I don't know the answer to your question in Oklahoma. You need to get a lawyer. You need to get a lawyer.
Starting point is 00:13:46 You need to get a lawyer and find out what title you hold. If the survivorship supersedes the quit claim deed, I suspect it does not. I do too. I think he just gave up his half of the ownership to his sons before he died, so there was no right of survivorship because he didn't own anything when he died. His kid owned it. His kid owned it. His kids owned it. So I think you are now partners with your fiancé's two kids.
Starting point is 00:14:17 And so I would sit down with them and say, how are we going to do this? We're 50-50 on this house. How do you all want to handle it? My best suggestion would be you sell it and take your half, and they get their half because I think that's where you are. You can check an attorney to be sure, but I'm about 95% sure that's the way it's going to go down. And hopefully the two little doobers will cooperate, and you can just sell this thing fairly easily, and you're not going to have a problem.
Starting point is 00:14:47 If they won't cooperate, you're going to have to file a motion in circuit court to dissolve a partnership and the judge will force the sale of the house to dissolve the partnership and that's going to cost you 10 grand in legal fees maybe five but probably 10 and so this is what this betrayal has cost you it's unbelievable it's unconscionable um i guess he had a brain tumor and it affected his behavior and his judgment i'm trying to give the guy a little credit not just be a complete scumbag since he died but um who knows now this was just a under the table sideways gummy thing sideways deal that left his fiancee high and dry he didn't have the courage to either tell her hey i want to make sure i leave something to my boys and he didn't have the courage to tell them what was going on yeah this is really really cowardly yeah so that leaves you in a mess and
Starting point is 00:15:38 here's the rule boys and girls out there i know some of you like to shack up and you don't want to be married and you want to try on a shoe for you, buy it and all that crap that you say all the time. You can do whatever you want to do. It's not a moral construct. It's a legal and financial construct. Buying a house with somebody you're not married to is straight up stupid. Don't do it. So, well, we've been we've been dating for 42 years.
Starting point is 00:16:01 Well, great painter. Get off the ladder. Make a decision, man all right mike is with us mike's in boise idaho hey mike what's up hi guys thanks for taking my call um i have found myself in baby step two as i am finishing college um i'm getting ready to graduate and i'm planning on moving out of state and i just don't know how much like what the what the process is for how much i should have saved up before i move enough to cover your moving expenses in your first month's rent or whatever it's going to
Starting point is 00:16:36 take to get into an apartment yeah where are you moving okay so i'm moving um back to California where I grew up with my brother. He's told me he, well, it's just family, kind of. What about employment? What about this idea you just went to school to get a job? Yeah. You should get one of those. Yeah, so I've applied to jobs back in California. Do you have any? Well, I well i still have like interviews coming up so nothing's for sure um what's your degree what's
Starting point is 00:17:12 your degree in i'm finishing with a master's of arts and teaching and a bachelor's in social studies here in may okay so you're looking for a teaching gate yeah. You'll get one of those. Yeah, yeah. I've applied to them, and they have such a high need. I would kind of be shocked if I didn't get one. Sure. You can actually be pretty selective, my guess, and find the districts that pay the most or are going to put you in the best situation.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Yeah. One of the hard parts for me is that i'm i'm not going to get paid for the month of august yeah that's a that is tough i remember that when i was my first year teaching i had i had to float until september this is i mean but this is this is march go work yeah i mean go go uber and cut grass and walk people's dogs i mean go crazy for a short period of time get you some money dude yeah i started teaching driver's ed trying to that's a star hey teaching driver's ed you may die before you even have to take your first yeah no kidding uh my the hard thing is i wanted to put down like five grand in a savings account
Starting point is 00:18:22 to move but that's all that i'll have left on my student loans no you're you need to make the move first and get the job and you can clear the student loan in 20 minutes if you don't get a five grand okay you need to get set you got to get moved you got to get moved i mean how you're going to move if you don't go in debt for that you just traded one debt for the other yeah well my family's been so good to me but i just i don't know knock it out dude knock it out go get five grand move get settled and pay off five grand your first three checks yeah no partying allowed you're a social studies teacher now you're not a college student and by the way your first year teacher no um are you married or anything no all right good so my first
Starting point is 00:19:03 year coaching i took an extra sport and made a little extra money. I drove the bus for other events and for other teams and made extra money. I worked games, like B-team basketball games for extra money. You'll have an opportunity to nickel and dime your way to a lot of additional cash your first couple years of teaching if you just get on it and hoof it and get to work. There's lots of opportunities. Partying is in the rearview mirror. It was at college.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Right. Now you're a man, my son. Work, work, work, work, work. Time to go to work. Clean up this dadgum mess. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. Chondaloni Ramsey personality is my co-host today open phones at 888-825-5225 kayla is in oshkosh wisconsin hi kayla welcome to the ramsey show hello thank you so much for your time sure
Starting point is 00:19:58 what's up yeah so my husband and i have been married for 15 years. We shortly after that bought our first home. For the first 13, he was a chemical engineer, and we were able to pay off all but our mortgage. Yay. Yes. In the past two years, we had the calling to enter into pastoral ministry, which in turn cut our income in half. So we are commuting currently to our church. And so we desire, I desire mostly, to be closer to that community and minister to that community and be at hands and feet there. We refinanced in 2020, which gave us a 3% mortgage rate.
Starting point is 00:20:54 And so our mortgage payment is super low. So it's kind of daunting to think of. What do you owe on your home? So we owe $77,000. What's it worth um we haven't officially got it um estimated but zillow is like 320 okay and how far away are you moving um it's about 25 minutes from our home. Okay. In most areas of the country, that's called going to work.
Starting point is 00:21:29 It's not a commute. It's not really a commute. I would love a 25-minute commute. That'd be amazing. You are in the community when you're 25 minutes away in most areas of the country. So if you want to move, are there $320,000 homes in that neighborhood? There are, yes. Taxes are a little bit higher than what we're used to yeah what's your husband making now uh together because i also um am working with him side by side uh we make about eighty thousand and that doesn't include the housing allowance. And the housing allowance is how much?
Starting point is 00:22:07 Well, so we're new to that, too. So after taxes, it was $60,000. Does that make sense? So they like... You deduct your housing expenses from your taxes? The $80,000 includes the housing? Yes. So you have taxable...
Starting point is 00:22:23 Housing is not taxable in a pastoral but the rest of it is taxable so you've got 60 taxable 20 not taxable but your total income including housing is 80 correct okay i got you all right so what prohibits you from buying a 320 000 house or 300 000 house in that neighborhood by selling this house. Your payment's going to go up some because you've got a tiny little mortgage with a tiny little bump in interest rate. But 3% on $60,000 or $70,000, if you go from three to six, is nothing. It's $1,800 a year.
Starting point is 00:22:58 It's $100 a month. The property taxes are double. That's one thing that's getting out.'s okay and so how much does that how much is that so it we would go from 2700 a year to a comparable home to about 5000 whoopee okay you can afford it what's making you so nervous if you don't move up in house but the problem is you went and looked at five hundred thousand dollar houses didn't you yeah oh okay yeah go take a cold shower honey you got house fever you need to lower your expectations back down to the level where you were you need to buy 250 to 300 000 home if you want to live in that neighborhood
Starting point is 00:23:43 if you don't want to live in that neighborhood and commute and stay where you are, well, you're fine anyway. It's 25 minutes. It's not – I mean, sometimes we sit – in Nashville, we sit in traffic 25 minutes just to do – but the – so, I mean, do whatever you want to do. Can I say this, Dave? It burns a hole in my chest.
Starting point is 00:24:02 If you feel called to do a thing and you feel called to leave job X to go to job Y, that often means your entire life is going to change and you may have to change where you live and change the size of your house. I want to do this thing that i feel called to do with no way with no repercussions with no life change yeah that doesn't happen that almost never happens that way doesn't happen yeah it's a total call i want you to surrender this big house these cars this whatever for this life right and that's a that's a that's hard so you may move from
Starting point is 00:24:40 a three hundred thousand dollar house to a two hundred thousand dollars which is paid for by the way it's paid for you could do that that and have a paid-for house. And then you can minister debt-free, which means you can fully be invested in your community. And that's a totally different freedom and peace. But it's a different mindset. Yeah. That's a big deal. That's an interesting point.
Starting point is 00:25:00 And, John, I mean, you have done that a time or two, and so have I. When, you know, after we went broke, I went back to doing real estate, and this was, you know, 1994, a thousand years ago, right? After going broke, 94 was the year I got back above $100,000 income. So I was making $120,000 that year, in 1993, I'm sorry. And I had figured out, I had a little bit of speaking. I had this little $10 book I was starting to sell called Financial Peace out of the trunk of my car. And I was doing some one-on-one coaching. And I was thinking about starting a class that later became known as Financial Peace University.
Starting point is 00:25:43 And we figured it up, and I did a pro forma on it, and I told Sharon, I said, I think I can go full-time into financial peace with books, speaking, class. Radio wasn't paying anything. We were doing it, but it didn't pay us anything. And I think I can do that, and I think the first year we'll make $60,000.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Our income will go in half. And I think God's told me to do that, but I'm not sure. What do you think? And she said, well, it doesn't sound like financial peace to me. You just filed bankruptcy three years ago, Cooper. You should read that book, Dave. She said, no, but we talked about it, we prayed about it, and we both really decided we thought that was what God was saying to do. Felt called, okay? Not a hundred percent sure i never know i i always hesitate to say god told
Starting point is 00:26:29 me but um i it felt right felt felt like what i was supposed to do right so we did we quit doing real estate went full-on financial peace in 1994 opened a little baby office that was a month-to-month rent in case it didn't work we didn't have a long lease and um first year i made sixty one thousand dollars i hit it exactly oddly enough um but that cost forty thousand dollars of sacrifice in the ramsey home from the year before right uh no sixty sixty thousand yeah well our income went in half yeah like she said her their income went in half it's the same thing and so you know that meant that we didn't do squat again after recovering after a bankruptcy starting to heal and actually fix the heat and air and that kind of stuff and now we don't have any money again and so uh but the next year you know we made 100 and
Starting point is 00:27:15 never been back since of course but this thing has grown every year but but that was a call that came with a sacrifice that came with a call what you're talking about right and that one worked out they don't always work out because sometimes you it's last night's pizza it's not the holy spirit right you know and these people is like well god told me and then god told me something else then god told me something else right but you have to know that when you when you go with your gut you follow it or you get called whatever you want to say it um it always comes with a risk, and it always comes with an almost total change.
Starting point is 00:27:47 And if you can clear the deck, you can go from a four-bedroom house to a three-bedroom house if you clear the deck. If you look at it as a loss, and I'm trying to keep it, then you're going to drive yourself mad. The other thing is, none of this is permanent. Right. Like, our reduction to 60 was not permanent. You could pick up real estate the next year and go back.
Starting point is 00:28:02 If you want to be in the neighborhood, sell your house, buy a $200,000 house live there three years and move up right save up some money move up save up some money move up nothing stays the same it's either going to get worse or it's going to get better maybe it grows the ministry and the income goes up in that ministry which would not be a bad thing multiple times across my career i've taken a new job that's less money with higher upside or i've taken a reduction in like a title if you will for a different environment for multi i've done that almost every time yeah and it's always it's always been i know i can bet on myself i know the environment's good i trust the leadership xyz and it works out that way but man it comes at a cost it comes at a cost yeah that's a that's
Starting point is 00:28:47 a thing so your cost kayla what we're describing we're not picking on you it's just this is stuff we've all experienced and um you cannot do this without a cost the cost is a 25 minute commute or a move to a house smaller than the one you're in those are your two options this is the ramsey show or move to a house smaller than the one you're in. Those are your two options. This is The Ramsey Show. Our scripture of the day, 2 Peter 3, 9, The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. Norman Vincent Peale said, promises are like crying babies in a theater. They should be carried out at once. I like it. Very good. Noah is with us in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Hey, Noah, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you for having me, Dave. Sure. What's up? So I am struggling with some family issues. About two years ago, actually three years ago now, my work offered me a promotion in which I had to move about 400 miles from where I currently was living. And at that time, I didn't know what to do with the house. We'd only owned it a year.
Starting point is 00:30:03 So some of my family members, my wife's sisters, decided they wanted to rent the house from us. Well, it turned into two years later, they hadn't paid rent on time once in a year. They were two months behind on rent, and they had trashed the house. And we're just trying to struggle with, like, family gatherings are awkward. And, you know, like. Oh, I can help you with that. What do we do? Yeah. It's your fault.
Starting point is 00:30:37 Yeah. It's not their fault. You put two wild, wicked, young, single women into your rental house, and then you're shocked they tore it up while they weren't paying rent and you did nothing about it. Yep. Your fault, not their fault. They just is what they is.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Yeah. You knew what they were when you let them move in there, didn't you? I was. You knew this was stupid them move in there, didn't you? I was. You knew this was stupid when you did it, didn't you? Yeah. My wife couldn't understand the thought of her sisters doing this to us, so she was very firm that they wouldn't hurt us in this way. Yeah, she's delusional.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Yeah. She knew they were crazy, too too you knew they were wild as buck didn't you i did yeah so you just turned your dadgum thing into a sorority house so has your has your sister not called her sisters i mean your wife not called her sisters the ones that would never do this she has talked with her sisters but they just act like like they they act like nothing has happened nothing's wrong that they they didn't destroy this house that was you know something that we had we worked hard to get yeah so what does your wife say does she say they destroyed it or is she in denial too no no she's not in denial she's she's on board but She's on board with it now, but she's also like, how do we go to Christmas and spend time with the family and then be like, oh, we're not getting you guys.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Yes, because you owe us $2,000 in back rent and the $6,000 or $8,000 in damages that we had to do to get the house livable again, because we ended up moving back into the house okay let me let me change gears a minute i was picking on you but it's also it is the way you way you go to christmas is you take responsibility for this it is your fault that's how you go to christmas you quit blaming them here here's the deal the day they were late the first time you should have moved them if you're in one of my rental properties and you don't pay your rent you know what we do we evict your butt if we go over and do an inspection which we do monthly or every two months on every single residential property we walk through it if a cat lives there or you're partying partying we evict your butt you're not tearing up my property that's called landlording.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Y'all did not landlord. You didn't collect your rent, and you didn't manage your property. You stood back and watched two wild, crazy women tear up your stuff and did nothing about it. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. I mean, you suck as a landlord, dude. Yeah. It wasn't originally the plan when we bought the house.
Starting point is 00:33:29 It was just my work. I get all that, but you're asking me how you heal the relationships, but you're blaming somebody for being who they is. You already know who they is. They're irresponsible party animal sorority girls who don't give a crap about anybody and you brought them in as a tenant and then you're shocked that they're irresponsible party girls who don't give a crap about anybody who happens to be kin to me yeah and it wasn't even partying it was more like people with mental health issues like depression, and they couldn't keep the house clean.
Starting point is 00:34:07 No, they didn't keep the house clean. They could, but they didn't. Depressed people clean houses all the time. Happens all the time. If they're getting evicted, if they don't, they suddenly magically clean the house. So what's your plan moving forward? Have you evicted them from the house?
Starting point is 00:34:24 Yes, so about a year ago, this all started three years ago a year ago my work offered me an opportunity to work from home and i said okay i'm going to move back into this house so are you back in it so that yes i am okay so it's all fixed and it's all in the rear view mirror so the only question now is you lost the money and you think you're going to get it ha ha you're not getting it. I would eat it. Forget it. Walk away. Forgive and forget.
Starting point is 00:34:49 They is who they is. We love them. I've got relatives that vote wrong. I love them anyway. They vote for the wrong people. I just don't understand. But I love them anyway. I got relatives that do other stupid things and I love them anyway.
Starting point is 00:35:02 But they're not renting my dadgum house either. Yeah. And so I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be tough on you but the way sometimes that I can put something that's been done to me in the rearview mirror is when I realize how much of it I allowed to happen to me or I invited to happen to me therefore I take responsibility for the situation as much as the goobers the goobers are just goobers it's what they are and it's sad but i mean you know they're not going to ever be anything else the the day you're in a you're in a the dream world if you think they're going to walk up at christmas ago you know i'm really sorry here's a two thousand dollar check for the back rent and five thousand dollars for the damage and we really are so sorry we messed up. The day that that happens, I will turn blue.
Starting point is 00:35:49 It's not going to happen. Yeah, and they haven't even had a job since they moved out of the house. One of them had a job for four months, and they're living in my in-law's basement now doing the exact same thing. Hold on. Here's the deal. You shouldn't even know where they live. Now you're keeping tabs on them. They're still living rent-free.
Starting point is 00:36:09 They just moved from their house to your head. Let them go do their life, right? Yeah. And you and your wife decide, hey, it costs us $7,000 to get back here. We learned a lesson. You're looking for justice, and there is none. Yeah, not going to have it anymore. We're going to move on with our lives.
Starting point is 00:36:26 There's no justice. There's no justice. And maybe y'all don't do Christmas presents. That's fine. That's a decision y'all would make. I wouldn't do it as retribution or keep some sort of, when they're 68 years old, you can be like, hey, y'all finally paid off the tab, so here's a Christmas dish.
Starting point is 00:36:39 We've been doing it at 250. We're just not going to do it anymore. It's been 10 years. You're back even again. Is that work for y'all it's it's i hate it for you man i i'm sorry you went through this but it was your expectations and your lack of management that made the situation bizarre happen and made it worse and so you know you could have limited the damage after you did it you could have stopped it from ever happening if you just stood up and said uh no no of course not you can't live in our house
Starting point is 00:37:11 no you don't pay bills and you tear up stuff of course not no i mean we all have relatives we all have friends that we love at a greater distance than living in our own home you know you go over there somewhere and be you i shocked somebody the other day telling them two of my closest friends on the planet my oldest friends who would lay down in traffic for me i wouldn't hire them they're terrible employees they're amazing like long-term friends i would never hire them right and both of those things can can coexist i can love people but you can't live in my house yeah right exactly right so no that lesson learned
Starting point is 00:37:49 or or you can live in my house for a year and i'm not gonna lose sleep over if you put the word family in front of dysfunctional it doesn't change dysfunctional it just magnifies it and so you know that you got dysfunctional and then you got family dysfunctional which is like 10x and so all you did was just ask for that to not existing dysfunction was apparent to you and your wife you ignored it and went ahead anyway there's a proverb says a wise man sees sees trouble and turns a fool goes forward and suffers for it i have been a fool a time or two that's why i'm so passionate about this i see something i know better i go forward anyway and i suffer for it and that's exactly what happened to y'all and i'm so sorry but good news
Starting point is 00:38:36 is you never have to do it again listen to your brain it's talking to you that puts this hour the ramsey show in the books we'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Take care.

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