The Ramsey Show - App - Dealing with Family Drama & Dysfunction (Hour 2)

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony discuss: Convoluted family inheritance drama, More family drama & dysfunction, The struggle that the "sandwich generation" faces, Rolling a TSP into a 401(k), The fe...ar of being house-poor.   Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. We help people build wealth and do work that they love and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author and host of the wildly popular Dr. John Deloney podcast on Ramsey Networks is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. Mike is in Orange County, California. Hey, Mike, how are you?
Starting point is 00:01:03 Hi, Dave. Hi, Dr. D. I hope you guys are sitting down because this is probably going to make your head hurt. Bring it. Challenge accepted. Let's start the hour out with that. Hold our beers, Mike. Let's do this. Brief background. I'm a twin. I was adopted at birth to a wonderful family. About 20 years ago, I researched my birth family and made connections. My twin had no interest at all in, uh, connecting with the family. I've developed a relationship with, uh, the existing family, which was my birth mother, a half brother, and a birth uncle. Uh, my birth mother and uncle have been, um, vacant from the family since I joined the family.
Starting point is 00:01:48 My uncle passed away a week ago, and I just learned that I was the executor of his, my wife and I are the executor of his trust, and he left us his condo, which is old, It's going to need some work, but we're navigating one financially. Do we keep the condo rented and, or do we sell it? How much work do we put into it? And secondly, I'm already getting calls from my birth mother and a half brother claiming that they're entitled to the property. And my half brother already said that I need to fire sell it and send him $100,000 immediately. My uncle's wishes, he clearly communicated to me and his character picker that he didn't want them having anything to the point where I asked him about a antique picture and he said if Arlene takes it, she would only sell the frame. So he feels strongly that they had both stolen from him over the years.
Starting point is 00:02:48 So I'm trying to navigate the relational part of it. But that's his sister and his nephew. Correct. Okay. And he didn't have a sibling or children. He was never married, no children. Okay. And did he have a written will?
Starting point is 00:03:06 He's got a written will and a trust, leaving me as the executor of the trust and leaving my wife and I everything except for his car and a small savings account that he wants to go to his caretaker. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm so sorry. What a pinch to put you in after all the weirdness of this whole thing. So how is your relationship before all this happened with your half brother and your birth mom? Intermittent. She had violated a number of boundaries that we had set, just to give you a feel for it. So she has her own issues. She's got plenty of issues.
Starting point is 00:03:52 How ironic that your relationship ends up being with your uncle that you also didn't know. That's ironic. But he was lonely. mean, he was lonely. He was, he was closer than her. He's just a diehard sweet man. He worked for a Toyota dealership for 46 years working on their lot. He's just a blue collar sweet guy that I developed a relationship with. So Mike, here's a, here's a common situation here.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Is you really hanging on to, this is hard, what I'm about to say, okay, hanging on to a fantasy, a myth that somehow this relationship with your birth mother is going to be restored to what it should have been or what it could have been? Same with your birth mother is going to be restored to what it should have been or what it could have been same with your no same with your half not not at all okay okay i am more concerned about then the conversation ends there with the the conversation ends there
Starting point is 00:04:57 okay any more noise that you allow into your head as a choice you're making okay okay do you have no moral or legal obligation to give either one of them a dime in fact i would suggest based on what your uncle looked you in the eye and told you you'd be violating his wishes by so here's what i here's my answer if i'm you to your half brother to your mom and just go this is really awkward for all of us i love you guys and i'm really sorry we're in this situation here's my legal obligation i am the executor of the estate which means i am legally bound to execute to follow through on the written wishes of your uncle, your brother. I don't have a choice.
Starting point is 00:05:48 I have to do what that says, or I am liable for legal action. That's why they call it an executor, because, Mike, an executor executes the terms of the will. That's all they do. They don't get to make up new wills they don't get to change the deal they just have to do what the deal says that's the law mike you don't have a choice now once you have executed your uncle's wishes which happens to be in this case that you become the owner of all of these things, if you choose to give away your stuff, then that's you choosing to give away your stuff. But if you give away your stuff to someone who is demanding it in order to give them,
Starting point is 00:06:41 in order to create a relationship, hint, hint, there was never a relationship to start with. Relationships that are based on a financial transaction are called prostitution. Yes. And so if the only way your brother or half-brother is ever going to speak to you again is if you give him your money. He's opting out. He's checked out. Same thing with Arlene or whatever her name was but yeah i i it
Starting point is 00:07:08 but that doesn't make this easier that is just the correct thing to do but people that function like your birth mom and your half brother are they are guilt they're they're travel agents for guilt trips. They feel entitled to other people's stuff. So if I choose to leave all of my money to one kid and the other two kids get nothing, it was my money. They are not entitled, not even legally entitled, if I have a will that says they don't get it you know if i look at one of my two kids one of my three kids go heroin addict i am not funding your addiction your death uh you get zippo because you have zippo character and i put that in the will he's got no moral rights no spiritual rights no legal rights and by the way that would have been an act of love because your uncle looked at her and said money is not a blessing to this lady when she
Starting point is 00:08:11 gets it she misbehaves with it it's a curse so i'm not going to bother her with the curse sorry mike it's hard to go through what you're going through i hate it for you but that you know i would just bad guy off your uncle and go gosh i'm i'm kind of handcuffed here i'm just the executor i don't have any legal choices i have to do what the will says and i don't sorry if you get you want to be mad go go out the graveyard and yell at the tombstone because i'm not here i can't do anything about this but it's not going to end well. No. These two goobs are going to be goobs because they're goobs.
Starting point is 00:09:24 This is The Ramsey Show. how many times do you kick the can down the road you say one day i'll be able to buy a house one day i'll be happy with my career one day i won't have to battle with anxiety one day i'll get my student loan paid off one day i'll you listen you got to stop it whatever your one day is you need to start so that one day becomes now let's get after it this is why we created smart conference we have some of the top thought leaders and speakers in the world speaking at Smart Conference. They're best-selling, number one best-selling authors, world-class communicators in all kinds of different areas. Rachel Cruz will be there speaking on money. Dr. John Deloney, sitting to my right, will be there speaking on mental wellness.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Ken Coleman on career. Our hottest new ramsey personalities in the money space george cam on christina ellis will be there in full force i'll be speaking it's october 22nd in dallas craig and amy groschel pastors from life church will be there speaking on marriage and man they're great so a little bit of everything leadership marriage money mental wellness everything it's an all-day long event the vip and platinum is all sold out there is a few general admission passes left for only 39 and we want you to come we want you to be part of the program we want you to be be there with us all day on October the 22nd in Dallas on a Saturday.
Starting point is 00:10:49 You would pay more than $39 to hear any one of these people speak. And you got the whole lineup all day. It's the smart conference you will leave smarter. RamseySolutions.com slash events. Get your event passes. RamseySolutions.com slash events. Get your event passes. RamseySolutions.com slash events. Also check out the Building Wealth series. We're going to be in about five or six different cities this fall,
Starting point is 00:11:10 and there's a few of those tickets left as well. Maybe we'll be in your city. Peter is with us in Chicago. Hi, Peter. How are you? Hi, Dave. I'm good. How about yourself?
Starting point is 00:11:20 Better than I deserve. What's up? So a little bit of background. For the last three years since the pandemic, I have been paying for my parents' mortgage and home equity. My question is, unfortunately, I think I missed the opportunity for low rates, but my question is, I still have three options. I can either continue
Starting point is 00:11:46 paying the principal and interest, which I'm currently doing. They're covering the property taxes. That's option number one. Continue what I'm currently doing, paying $3,000 a month with that. Why are you paying your parents mortgage? Well, because they currently can't afford it. They to stay in their house i'm an only child and i would do and will do anything i can to pay them back for being fantastic parents and giving me an amazing job to help them avoid reality why can't they pay their mortgage of the pandemic, my dad had to retire. Why? He was in the industry that had some ageism, and he just aged. He was kind of forced to age out a little bit. How old is he? He is 66. So what did he do for a living? He is a substitute teacher right now. Before he was in another industry, he was making...
Starting point is 00:12:52 Both of my parents are in their 70s as professors, as teachers. And that's definitely an option he could take. Can you afford $3,000? I mean, this is different. Do you make $25,000 a month, and this is no big deal? I should probably know a month off the top of my head, but for a year, it's $110,000. How old are you?
Starting point is 00:13:20 29. And you're single, I take it? Yeah. Okay. All right uh you live with them i did move back at the time during the pandemic which is why i was happy to help them out um to take a step back dave this was not um supposed to be a long-term solution it was supposed to be temporary yeah i mean it's the intention of getting a new job. He was really good in his industry. He had experience. And they have no money.
Starting point is 00:13:53 Their combined permit is around $45 a year. Yeah, and what's the house worth? $7.10. Yeah, and what do they owe on it? They owe $283. Yeah, and what do they owe on it? They owe 283. Yeah, they need to sell it and buy a house for 500,000 that's paid for.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Yeah, that's a non-starter. No, it is a starter. It's a total starter. It's a complete starter. Total starter. The non-starter is this dysfunctional crap that you're weaving that is your life. That's the non-starter is this dysfunctional crap that you're weaving that is your life that's the non-starter the non-starter is a 29 year old is taking care of these fully capable adults who need to get off their butts and take care of themselves
Starting point is 00:14:35 it is not an act of love there is so much weirdness going on behind the scenes in this conversation i can't breathe especially some sort of return on investment as though they were great parents and so they're entitled to x percent of your of your income because they don't want to work yeah or they didn't save up or they made some life choices i'm all about helping your parents out man but let's pretend that you had a job that was making twenty thousand dollars a year and you were in an an apartment and they were in this pickle you know what they would do they would sell their house and buy a $500,000 house and get a job to be able to live there that's what they would do so it's not a non-starter you are trying to make their fantasy world exist and it's not sustainable and you are participating in the fantasy as though the fantasy that you can
Starting point is 00:15:24 prop them up and keep this thing going forever. This has such a short runway, and then it's going to hit the wall, and it's going to disintegrate like a NASCAR, and the engine's going to fly up in the stands. I mean, you've got about two to three years on this before all the emotions in this mess melt down and the finances unravel. So this is not a refinance question this is a uh peter you've made some you guys have made a mistake of trying to you were nice to come in and and with an umbrella when it was raining but an umbrella is not a structure that's sustainable in a in a monsoon and you're that so these folks need to make some decisions
Starting point is 00:16:05 about their income and their housing like grownups. And then you need to go on and love them, be kind to them, and you can assist them occasionally. But this idea that you took them to raise is just dysfunctional, dude. That's the non-starter. It's just all in your story and it's weird.
Starting point is 00:16:26 And I'm not picking on you. I'm not shaming you i i just want you to hear it loud and clear because you aren't you you're nowhere near hearing it that's why i'm smacking you so hard because i really want to shake you a little bit and give get your attention because um this is not good mental health it's not good relational health but more importantly you're you're intentionally sacrificing your future to not to keep somebody alive but to prop up a fantasy there's two and there's a difference there right um they're sitting on half a million dollars yeah anyway we could talk all day yeah let's call it that that's the thing open phones at 888-825-5225.
Starting point is 00:17:06 So here's the thing. John, let's talk about this a minute because it comes up with boundaries issues, and this is kind of a boundaries question in a sense all the time. We call the 30s and 40s, he's a little young for it, but we call them the sandwich generation because they've got their kids to raise and put through college and many times their parents have got issues and they're sandwiched between both of the financial needs pulling at them so you have to have real clear boundaries and love and many of uh many of my brothers and sisters in Christ twist and make toxic the scripture that says to honor your father and mother.
Starting point is 00:17:52 And that means that we have to do whatever. No, it doesn't. If your mom is doing cocaine, you are not honoring her by giving her money. It's not honor. That's participation in dysfunction. That's not honor. That's participation in dysfunction. That is not honoring. That is not an act of love. That is not an act of honor.
Starting point is 00:18:12 That is a dysfunction. And you can't throw a Bible scripture over it and make it okay. He didn't do that. But I hear this all the time. And you honor someone by loving them well, and that's helping them get into a sustainable healing situation. And telling the time. That's right. And you honor someone by loving them well, and that's helping them get into a sustainable healing situation. And telling the truth.
Starting point is 00:18:29 That's the truth. And not sacrificing your 60s, 70s, and 80s because of their dysfunction back when you were 20 and 30. Absolutely. This is The Ramsey Show. ДИНАМИЧНАЯ МУЗЫКА Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you're here.
Starting point is 00:19:27 In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage. Kirby and Amber are with us. Where do you guys live? Omaha, Nebraska. All right, cool. Now, we met yesterday. We did. At the commercial break, I came out, and you said,
Starting point is 00:19:41 tomorrow we're doing the debt-free screen. So now you're back with the Living Like No one else t-shirts, ready to rock. That's a brave couple that wears matching t-shirts in the public. Yeah, that's like you're going steady or something. Gross. Pretty cool, guys. How much debt did you pay off? $124,090.
Starting point is 00:20:00 I love it. How long did this take? 31 months. Wow. And your range of income during that time? 95 to 124,000. Cool. What do you all do for a living?
Starting point is 00:20:12 I'm a nurse. And in short, I fertilize and spray weeds. Okay. That'll work. Chemical applicator. That'll work. He's trying to think about how he was going to describe that. Very cool.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Good for you guys. All right. What kind of debt was the 124? Everything. Okay. Very cool. Good for you guys. All right. What kind of debt was the $124,000? Everything. Literally. It was student loans, personal loans, family loans, credit cards, car loans. My God, y'all were normal. Yes.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Normal sucks. Yes, it does. No fun at all. Everything but the mortgage. Yes. Yeah, we're still working on that. Way to go, guys. Wow.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Man, I'm so proud of you. Yes. How long have you been married? Eight years. Okay. So two and a half years ago so five years into marriage something happens and you go all right this has got to change tell me the story how'd you get to connect to this ramsey way um so in 2017 we bought our first home and our
Starting point is 00:20:59 down payment was a family loan of course yes it was so then um in 2018 july 5th 2018 we had our major like a our main pipe in our house flood our house and we have three stories because it's a trial got the whole house i mean it came from everywhere god and And so we are the poster children to not buy a house without- Until you have an emergency fund. Yes. It was a $70,000 claim, and we had to pay 30 of that out of our pocket. Why? Because when they started taking out the walls, there was mold from the previous-
Starting point is 00:21:40 The last time it did this. Yeah. So obviously it flooded at some point before. And then other stuff happened in between. And so we had to take out a $20,000 personal loan and put $10,000 on a credit card. In addition to everything else that we had. Oh, and the smoke clears you up in an oh crap moment. Oh, yeah. Which parent loaned you the down payment?
Starting point is 00:22:03 It was a grandma. Who loaned you the other one? Oh, a grandma. Who loaned you the other one? Oh, it was a personal and credit cards. Yes. It was a bank. It was a bank. Yes. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:22:13 Yeah. So it was very, very stressful. During that time, I was actually getting my master's degree. I was working full time. And there was just some other stuff going on that it was the most stressful time in our lives. And I went to work one day and I was telling one of my coworkers about what we were having to do. And she's like, have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey? And so I was like, no.
Starting point is 00:22:38 So she's like, well, just listen to the podcast. Does he fix flooded houses? Can he drywall? Yeah. I can't. Yeah. flooded houses can he drywall yeah i can't yeah so um i ended up listening to the podcast and i was listening to him for about a month and we ended up going on vacation um in november of 2019 which is what we always do when we're broke yeah well we were technically still following your plan at that time but we decided to um take some time off but um so on our way to Kansas City I was like hey
Starting point is 00:23:11 let's listen to this podcast I heard about um and he got hooked yes I wasn't fully on board at the beginning so oh gosh she stuck me in the car with you and her yes that's it I did it right there yeah but I got i got hooked right away once i all started to make sense and then once you got on board the acceleration goes it did ever since i've been listening to the podcast because i'm out in yards all by myself so i need something to listen to to pass the time oh cool yeah so it was really um i mean thankful for well not really thankful for covid but again, it really helped us get through. You know, me as a nurse, I did do some extra jobs for a couple of months, but I got pretty burnt out during that time.
Starting point is 00:23:57 He took a job for a little bit, but we were able to get through it. And then you just plowed through this in two and a half years. Yes, we did. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Make a plan and stick to it. Yes, we did. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Make a plan and stick to it. Yes. Patience and contentment. I read the book from Rachel Cruz, and it was really eye-opening.
Starting point is 00:24:17 That's a big one. Love Your Life, Not Theirs? Yes. Talking about contentment book. Good. And then during that time, we both changed jobs. Yeah. We were both unhappy and and where we were and so we decided you know we started listening to ken coleman actually and we got his book the proximity principle i actually called into ken coleman show oh wow yes and i spoke with him you guys are all in oh yes we are yes Oh, yes. We are. Yes. They're wearing the shirts, Dave.
Starting point is 00:24:45 We are. Yeah, they're in. Yeah. And so now we both do what we love because I was more in finance side prior. And then I decided to go back to what I love most, and that's caring for patients. I got sick of sitting at a desk. Had to get out and stretch my legs. So best way to do it is to go running through some lawns.
Starting point is 00:25:04 What was the biggest challenge you faced as a couple? Not eating out. Yeah. I think it was very. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, I mean, we've never really had any arguments about much. Once we got on the same page together.
Starting point is 00:25:20 I mean, you can't do it without the other one. So parts of your marriage have gotten better. That you feel comfortable telling a couple million people? All of it. I mean, we were already, I mean, very happy, you know, anyways. But, I mean, it's just been more, it's more strong. Yeah, I feel stronger. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:25:40 I feel like we can do anything. Yeah, communication is key, too. I mean. And we have goals. Even if we go out to the gas station, hey, I want to get like a coffee or something. Is that okay? It's like four bucks.
Starting point is 00:25:50 All right, that's no problem. I mean... Yeah, we still ask. We still check in with each other. It's communication. You just create a new language. That's awesome. Good for you guys.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Yeah. Way to go, y'all. I'm so proud of you. Well done. How's it feel to be free? Oh, it's amazing. I haven't gotten over it yet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Like just coming down here. I mean, we saved up money to come down here and we don't have a worry in the world. Like we were able to just have fun. We went to Nashville yesterday. Yeah. We went to Nashville last night and just had fun. Yeah. It's been great.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Redneck Mardi Gras down there. It's unbelievable. Wow. Cool, guys. Very cool. Very cool. So proud of y there. It's unbelievable. Wow. Cool, guys. Very cool. Very cool. So proud of y'all. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Excellent, excellent job, man. Absolutely incredible. Hey, we got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That's the next chapter in your story. I want to hear from you when you break that millionaire plane. You're on your way. Also, a one-year membership to Financial Peace University. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:26:43 And if you haven't been through that yet, the brand new videos are out. They have Dr. John Deloney, George Camel, Rachel Cruz, and me teaching you through all nine lessons. It's the best nine we've ever done in Financial Peace. So you'll enjoy it. And also the Total Money Makeover book. And probably give that away to somebody that you know that's struggling or trying to do the stuff, been inspired by you guys. You're inspiring.
Starting point is 00:27:06 You're heroes. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. Very, very well done. Who were your biggest cheerleaders? We had some family and friends. Most of all, I think it was kind of each other. Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:15 We also had some naysayers, too, that were like, oh, you're never going to retire at 55. And I'm like, you know, just watch. That's kind of the biggest thing for me. When anyone comes at you with finger guns like that, you know they're probably wrong. Yeah. They're wrong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Let's turn the other cheek. That's true. Yeah. I would also say the podcast. I mean, hours upon hours we were listening to that. I've read Dr. Deloney's books. I've, yeah, we've read Ken Coleman's. I mean, Rachel Cruz's. dr deloney's books um i've yeah we've read ken coleman's i mean rachel cruz's i mean everything
Starting point is 00:27:47 we have just been so um just we've yeah you're all in you're all in you got to live like no one else shirts there's no question it's good for you guys i'm so proud of you we're honored to meet you you're an amazing couple very very well done well done. Kirby and Amber, Omaha, Nebraska. Live like no one else. $124,000 paid off in 31 months. A complete change of direction. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Woo! Yeah, baby! free yeah yeah baby this is how it's done right here this is the ramsey show The We'll be right back. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Beth is with us. She is in Orlando, Florida. Hi, Beth. How are you?
Starting point is 00:29:35 I'm doing great. Thank you for taking my call. Certainly. How can we help? Well, I made a career change this year, and I left working for the government where I was contributing to my TSP. And now I'm contributing to my company's 401k. I've been working with a financial planner over the last couple months. And her recommendation was I roll my TSP into my 401k.
Starting point is 00:30:00 And I'm a little bit nervous about making that decision since it's a permanent decision and I wanted to get your advice and your thoughts on it. I always tell people, I mean always, take your retirement with you when you leave. I'm not sure why she's saying to put it into your 401k. I would not do that. Instead, I would just roll it into an individual ira and good growth stock mutual funds you've got a lot more control and a lot more selection there and your financial planner should be able to facilitate that are they brokers do they do mutual fund investing
Starting point is 00:30:35 yes okay i'm a little shocked her recommendation was to roll it into my 401k i know i heard that i don't i wouldn't do that for the ease of keeping it all together yeah but the thing is you're going to end up with multiple accounts in your life anyway um yeah and your 401k i mean it may have options that are excellent i don't know i i just don't want i i wouldn't do that. I would roll into an IRA with her and pick some good mutual funds. And we always tell people to spread their retirement across four types, growth, growth and income, aggressive growth and international. That's what I have done. And personally, that's what I recommend that people do for 30 years. And I always take it with me just because you've got more options when it's out there on your own,
Starting point is 00:31:26 you don't have to deal with your company's HR department to get to your 401K. You don't have to deal with the administrator. You just go straight. It's just your account. You have your own account. And, you know, you've got more access, more flexibility, more choices, everything. And that's what I would do with it uh and if you're happy with your financial planner other than her disagreement with me on this issue um i don't see any reason
Starting point is 00:31:54 but yeah i always take it with me and by the way that will also outperform the tsp the c plan is a strong you know it's basically an index fund in the TSP. The S and the I, we recommend putting 10% in each and 80% in the C. But that doesn't keep up with mutual funds. That's going to be less than the rate of return on a good mutual fund or a series of good mutual funds. So always take it with you and always take your 401k with you and do the same thing when you leave. But it's a direct transfer rollover.
Starting point is 00:32:28 There are no taxes. If you had a traditional TSP, you roll it to a traditional. If you had a Roth, you roll it to a Roth. And there should be no taxes, and the money's transferred directly from your old work to the new IRA with your financial planner. That's what I would do with it. That's what I would do with it. Samantha's with us in Tampa, Florida.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Hi, Samantha. How are you? Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? I'm an avid listener but very Dave-ish, so go easy on me. My husband is active duty Air Force.
Starting point is 00:33:03 He's a pilot in Air Force, and his commitment is up in two years in this September. We just moved to the Tampa area and we are under contract with the house with a new construction. I am very concerned because I feel like we were out of order of the baby steps. We do not have an emergency fund. The house has been delayed from July to August, now end of September. The interest rates have gone up and I'm afraid I don't know if we should try to back out of the contract and lose our 15,000 earnest money or just go through with it and just work extremely hard, then hopefully Murphy doesn't move in. Well, you've invited a man. I know.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Um, uh, I'm a registered nurse, but I don't, I'm not, we just moved here. I'm not working right now. We have four small kids. Our oldest is eight. Yeah. So the psalmist says the blessings of the Lord have no sorrow added to them. When I am doing something that has sorrow added to it, I have to assume it's not from God.
Starting point is 00:34:30 That's me as a Christian, and that's the way I look at stuff. And if I'm buying something that makes me cry, then that's something I shouldn't be buying, in other words. I mean, it's a stressful and I didn't like the base had an 18-month wait list and I guess we were just I don't know you got house feeling up in place you got house fever what happened you got you got this hack and got about house and then you went bought a house and then you went and bought a house and then you looked down and went oh crap and now you
Starting point is 00:35:08 woke up and have a hangover buyer's remorse we call it how long has your husband been in? 10 years how long have y'all been married? about 10 years
Starting point is 00:35:22 you're tired aren't you? I mean I'm just like i said i'm i'm just tired of not four little kids four little kids you're a military wife and you're tired the way you said two years september like you you know the date right you know it yeah you're ready yeah buying this house um i don't understand the legalities like you do dave but buying this house is not going to get you the security that you want it to give you for the next two years. It's going to be a curse. It's going to be a mess. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:54 So what I would do is, did you do a bunch of customization to it? No. It was just buy as is. Okay. So are the houses in the neighborhood sold? Yes. And it appraised like $50,000 over than what we signed for it.
Starting point is 00:36:16 So maybe they would like to let you go and give you your money back. Uh-huh. Why don't you talk to them? Okay. Say, you can make $50,000 more on this house and give me my money back, or I can close on it and resell it, and I'll make the $50,000. But I'm willing to let you have it to just not close on it if you give me my money back. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:45 What do you want to bet they do that? I got 50,000 reasons they might do that. Yeah. That makes sense? Yeah. But now you're feeling guilty about doing that. Yeah. Yes, you are.
Starting point is 00:37:04 I heard it. I was just as it came right over the radio coming from what are you worried about well because everybody's everybody's excited about the house but her the kids are excited but i'm scared you should be you should be what's what what is the house payment going to be? Like $3,200 a month. And what is your take-home pay? My husband, about $8,800 a month. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:36 This is too much house. Yeah. And you know it. And you're just standing up and saying, you know know there's a little kid part of me on the cereal aisle that's throwing a fit and wants fruit loops i love fruit loops me too oh man bought a house john this is not about you and uh bought a house and now the grown-up, Samantha's having to deal with that kid's decisions. I make a lot of kid decisions. But you're having to deal with them. With money.
Starting point is 00:38:10 The grown-up mom of four now has to look at this and go, oh, crap, this doesn't feel right. And, Samantha, you know why it doesn't feel right? It's because it's not right. Yeah. A $3,200 house payment on an eight thousand dollar income is not a blessing you can feel it in your gut i would you and your husband go over sit down talk to the builder in person and say we can close we will close and keep our word
Starting point is 00:38:36 but if you would like to refund us our deposit we'll let you go make the extra fifty thousand that this house is appraised for. Because we really don't want it. It's too much house and we're scared. And talk him into letting you out of the deal and giving you your money back. I'll bet you they do. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week?
Starting point is 00:39:08 A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.

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