The Ramsey Show - App - Dealing With Parents Behaving Badly (Hour 1)

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author, co-host of the Smart Money Happy Hour, insanely popular podcast on the Ramsey Networks, and my daughter, she's my co-host today. The phone number here, if you want to talk about your life and your money, the phone number is 888-825-5225. Jennifer starts this hour in Baltimore. Hi, Jennifer, how are you? Hi, I'm doing well. Thanks for taking my call.

Sure. What's up? So I am actually calling on somebody else's behalf, somebody who I think might need some help, but maybe doesn't think that they do. So my father is actually going to be inheriting close to a million dollars in the next couple months. And as I've gotten older and starting to ask more pointed questions, realizing he really

hasn't planned for his retirement, he kind of just assumed he'd be getting enough to retire and now says, you know, obviously a million dollars isn't as much as he thought. He's not going to be able to live off that. And I've just seen a couple generations before me really kind of mismanage money that they've inherited. And I'm hoping to kind of do something different. That you're going to do something different or he is? He says he's open to my recommendations. How old is he, Jennifer?

He's 65, okay okay and um so has he got a bunch of debt so i've found out that um he has a he lock out on the house for about a hundred thousand dollars um he was contributing contributing to 401k for a while while his employer was matching. And when they stopped matching, he stopped contributing. He doesn't have a Roth IRA. He's got some dividends and some like stock money that he does receive quarterly. And he's got gold squirreled away. But he says, you know, financial planners are parasites and high yield savings accounts are scams. And so, you know, he's only now looking into putting things in a trust and maybe getting

life insurance and getting a will done. But he really kind of has just been banking on getting money. Was he banking on this money from this inheritance? Like was it from a parent and he was just waiting or what was that? So I waited until 65 years old before I win. That's sad. Yeah. That's sad. So when my great-grandmother passed, she had about $24 million in her estate.

And that was unfortunately embezzled, gambled away a lot by one of my great uncles. So it also wasn't in a trust. So the government took half. And when my grandparents were getting older, they decided their philosophy was the government's just going to take most of it. So we want to try to get rid of it. So they did kind of sporadic payouts. I mean, they were very generous in covering health care expenses for myself, for all of my cousins, paid for college for their children.

So what do you think the best thing to happen today is for your dad? I want him to get rid of the HELOC, and I want him to look into investing property or some advice of where he could be putting money other than just, you know, he took a $100,000 HELOC out of the house and put it into the stock market. And that's where the dividends came from yes um and so you know I've been trying to work with my sister um okay so here's the thing number one I don't think this is going to work okay your dad has a 40 year period of sitting on his cynical hands, doing nothing, and waiting on someone else to spoon-feed him. The fact that at 65 years old, he's going to jump up and grow a new brain, that's pretty

wishful thinking. Yeah. Okay. I wish it wasn't true, but I'm 63, and the chance of me growing a new brain is pretty low. I'm pretty set in my ways so whatever screwed up about old Dave's probably going to stick that way so um it's just hard to teach an old dog new tricks I'm one of them and um you can ask the one sitting next to me she's

tried she's tried to teach me some new tricks and I hadn't learned them one I just give suggestions so I know yeah you do and that's what Jennifer's trying to do, give suggestions. No, I know. But Jennifer, I hear your heart, and I really do appreciate it. But the reality is our parents are set in their ways. I'm not picking on your dad. I'm probably just like him. I've got the spiritual gift of cynicism, too. But, I mean, these people are all parasites and scam artists. No, they're not.

That's a dumb-butt statement, okay? They're not all parasites and scam artists. Now, some financial people are goobers, but there's some goobers in almost any profession, whatever profession he came out of. There's a crook or two hanging out there, too. But there's good people in the financial world that can sit down, and what he needs is someone to teach him from the financial world, like a good smart investor pro, what's available,

and what his job is as the manager of a million dollars of god's money you are now that you are now the manager of god's money your job is to manage it well and so get the stupid gold sold pay off the h pay off the home equity loan immediately learn to live on a budget. Go be a productive citizen. Create something instead of sitting around waiting on someone else. Talk about parasites, waiting on someone else to feed you, waiting on mom and dad's dadgum inheritance money to come in.

Bless his heart. I mean, I feel sorry for him. He really needs – he's missed out on so much good that life had for him, and I hope for the next 20 years before he dies, he's got some good coming to him where he gets the opportunity to serve others and create something and contribute to society and walk with the dignity that that brings. That's what I want for him.

And that's what you want for him. My problem is I don't know that he said he's willing to take your input until you tell him something he doesn't like. Am I wrong? No. And what's been really frustrating is trying to give him advice while stroking his ego. Yeah. No, I'm not going to stroke his ego.

I'm not going to do it. Yeah. So you can tell. So the thing is this. What I want to help you with is what you're attempting to do is very kind and very noble, and it is the proper thing to do, but I want to give you realistic expectations because I don't want you to come away from this disappointed that you couldn't do it because I'm going to give you a 5% chance you pull this off

because you're trying to change other people, and until they really want to change you can't do it i do it for a living and i have had to learn that i don't answer questions that aren't asked when you ask a question i'm going to answer it because that's my duty but i'm not going to just walk up to people start preaching at them because they don't do nothing they just look at you like like you know and do nothing so i mean like a friend of mine leased a car drove it up in front of my house the other day. And he knows I think leasing cars are stupid, you know, and he drove it up in front of my house. So what am I going to do?

Go, you're stupid. No, I said, you know, I didn't say that. Great car. I said, great car. He didn't ask my opinion, right? He just brought his car over to show it to me. So great car. But I think, Jennifer, a goal would be if he could sit down with a third party, a smart bus or pro, and at least just have an initial meeting to see his options.

They're there to teach you, not to do it for you. That would be a good goal, but if you can get them there, and then what he chooses to do after, I don't know. That's your first step. Go to RamseySolutions.com, click on smart investor. They can help guide him to get his will done. He's got to get that done. Talk about giving

the government money. Try not doing a will. Oh my gosh. You let the government be in control not doing a will. Oh, my gosh. You let the government be in control of it. No. But please, honey, don't be disappointed if this doesn't all work out. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down.

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Awesome stuff. Anything's better than the 15th of April. On the 16th of April, the next day, Rachel anything's better than the 15th of april on the 16th of april oh the next day rachel's new book will come out so you got to have a little celebration after tax season i'm glad for where i am a new book on gratitude for your kiddos and uh lauren did a great job with these yes lauren gallegos shout out to her we love her and she's just sweet as she can be anyway but her her illustrations are just amazing i mean this kid and so this is all about gratitude the other one was about contentment i'm glad for what i have yep this is i'm glad this

home home is where the heart is that's right yeah so when i was writing it i was like how do you teach it because gratitude contentment gratitude generosity are like three principles that are really important for me to teach my kids and just kind of that, that emotional side of money. And when you think about gratitude with kids, I'm like, you know, of course, like saying thank you and manners, like all of that is important. But for these little ones, I'm like, when you can start to grasp the things that that can't be taken away from you, you know, this idea of like the love of your family, your home, not just your house just your house But the home the environment when you can start there and that be the foundation at which they learn gratitude I think is sweet. So the little animals they go on an adventure to learn that really

Where they belong is where they where they were and god specifically has put them in a place for a certain time and The more grateful you are the more your heart grows is the last it's the last little sentence of the book but it's really sweet it's a it's a great one so i hope you guys enjoy it it comes out a week from now and uh you're gonna do a little book tour with it right yes you're gonna do some signings a little book reading yeah so next week i'm hitting the road so i'll do some um i'll be in new york doing some media next t, a week from now, and then fly to Phoenix. So I'll be in Phoenix. You have the, read those off. Phoenix at Desert Ridge, Barnes & Noble from 1 to 2 in the afternoon doing a signing. On Wednesday.

And a book, you're going to read the book and then do a signing for the kiddos. And then over to LA on the 18th from 7 to 8 p.m. at the Barnes & Noble at the Grove. Oh, that's a good store. I've been to most, I've been to all 8 p.m. at the Barnes & Noble at the Grove. Oh, that's a good store. I've been to most. I've been to all these stores. Okay. And Dallas, Lincoln Park from 1 to 2 p.m. Another good store, Barnes & Noble.

All these are Barnes & Nobles. Atlanta at Mansell Crossing. Really? That's cool. 426. You'll be there. That's the next week. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's from 1 to 2 p.m. So book tours are kind of uh so we used to go around do 40 cities and do signings and do media in every city and all this when we launch a book and they're kind of out of vogue number one there's not many bookstores left um they're just about gone uh number two there's a lot of the local media is gone it's dried up and so that methodology of launching and marketing a book and going out there is gone, but you're kind of just doing this almost for fun.

Yes, well, I wanted to. I wanted to with the first one, and so the way timing worked out with holidays didn't, so when this one came out, I was like, I really do. I want to go, yeah, and be with people and be with your kids, so make sure to do that, and you can still preorder for the next week, and if you do that, you'll actually get a link. I'm going to do a story time via Zoom at the end of april for everyone that pre-orders so at seven o'clock i'll do a big reading my kids will be there and all of it so you can get that link uh if you pre-order and so

you can go to rachelcruz.com for that yeah well spoiler alert i've already been reading it to the grandkids and um they love it so yeah particularly the uh daniel's little boy. He's like, Papa Dave, you've got to read. Papa Dave, you've got to read. And we know all the data. Kids that get read to, their IQs go up, their EQs go up. They are most likely going to be readers and writers. And people that read are, you know, when we're interviewing somebody for a leadership position at Ramsey,

we ask what books they've read because there are no real leaders that aren't readers so you got to be constantly growing and the only way to do this be feeding your brain and so i mean we know all the data on this and it starts at this age it starts with and it's a short book parents so you're welcome for that too because i hate the bedtime stories just keep going oh my god so it's short it's i mean they can how is it that at four they already know which of the Dr. Zuses is forever long? Oh, and you can't skip a page because then they want in. I do not like green eggs and ham, Sam. I am.

I'm just saying. All right. Chris is with us. Chris is in Memphis, Tennessee. Hi, Chris. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, good almost afternoon, y'all yeah it is how can we out hey so my wife and I just found out that we are expecting our second child

uh we are overjoyed at this we have a little over yay awesomeness and um we've also just started getting our act together financially um we've been debt-free actually two times in our four-year marriage and apparently learned nothing. And so we're finally at a point I've been binge-watching you guys. Shout-out to the YouTube moderators. I always love seeing the comments there and their responses. But my question is relative to – so we're in Baby Step 2. We have $1,000. We're attacking our credit card debt.

We have about $42,000 of total debt, including student loans, credit cards, and a Jeep that you're probably going to tell me to sell. But I'm kind of confused about stork mode. Um, we already, we still have pretty much everything from our first child. Um, my wife plans on taking three to six months off, um, to be home with both of our kids. She's a nurse. Um, I work in the automotive industry and I guess my question is when should I pause attacking our debt like crazy and start saving up for the uncertainty of having a child? Now, right now. Yeah. Push pause on the whole total money makeover thing and pile up cash.

So here's the thing. How much cash can you pile up in nine months um if we stop paying off debt probably 12 to 14 000 okay so 15 000 bucks is in the account because you are going to stop paying off debt if you follow what we tell you to do um and baby comes healthy no problem insurance covers what it's supposed to cover mama's healthy no problem they come home from the hospital three days later you clean out that account and pay it down on the debt the amount that you lost by doing that is really close to zero you lost no traction you will be in exactly the same place 10 months from now if you pay down on the debt by 15 000 or if you put 15

000 in the account and then pay down on the debt there's really i mean the only difference would be a little bit of interest on the debt that you'd pay during that nine months but it's it's negligible it's like it's less than 40 or 50 bucks okay so we're not really playing and and what that 15 000 gives you is peace of mind what it gives her is peace of mind because uh you know what we want to concentrate on is the beauty and the elegance of the birth and another child coming not be distracted by any money crap like if there's a little hiccup of some kind you know think about it about it. You got the money. Yeah.

Chris, how much do you guys make a year? Total this year, we're on track to be right under a hundred. Okay. And how much was the Jeep when you were like, oh, the Jeep, you're gonna tell me to sell it. But how much is that? It's worth about 20. The remaining loan balance on it is 11.

Yeah. No, that's not necessarily selling if you're making 100 no yeah you're fine i was gonna say if there was like one big move you wanted to do if it was at a point where that car payment was so exhausting and you could sell it and make some money on it right or something like that if there was a situation there i would be okay if you did that but just in general just pausing and having cash in the bank during this is yeah let me fast forward 10 10 months okay you you save 15 000 baby's home you pay off 15 000 in debt what's going to keep you on track this time um my wife and i really looking further than six months in the future

um we're buying we've been living in a inherited home that we're actually starting to look towards purchasing from her parents. And looking at that has made us take a much longer perspective on everything. What do you do in the automotive industry? Um, I work as a program manager. I connect suppliers with warehouses across the country to help them get their parts into parts stores and onto your car. Okay. All right. Are you 25?

I'm 29. Okay. All right. Cool. All right. Because now's the time, dude. You don't get to restart this crap six times and go win. You need to play through this time. Yeah. For the sake of this cat. And hold on the time, dude. You don't get to restart this crap six times and go win. You need to play through this time for the sake of this cat.

And hold on the line, Chris. Austin will pick up, and I'll give you my new kids book. I'm glad for where I am, and I'm glad for what I have. I'll give you both for the little ones. We're going to give you a financial peace university, too. Why don't you go through that? I want you to play through this time. I want you to finish.

Finish well, my man. Finish well, my man. Finish well. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. Victoria is with us in Springfield. Hey, Victoria, how are you? I'm well. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, I was calling because I'm curious to find out how I can get my name off of my parents' debt. How did your name get on your parents' debt? So apparently when we were younger, they put my and my brother's names on their credit cards to build credit,

which at the time may have been a good idea. However, they know it wasn't, it was called identity theft. Yeah. They've been overspending a lot and that's reflecting on my credit score. And then it was about two years ago. We, um, we've been timeshare owners for a very long time. And about two years ago they added my brother and I as owners, but we have no idea in terms of like what to do with this timeshare. And it's kind of becoming a big financial headache for the family. And so I kind of want out because to me, it's not worth all the arguments and the financial stress that it's causing. Yeah, this is a, it's something that we're seeing more and more our parents so just as a warning for parents out there that this is a trend that is going on that people are doing this they're putting

their kids on their debt or on their credit card specifically thinking oh yeah we're going to build up their credit and then this is what ends up happening victoria is that you get the the brunt end of it so at that that end, I'm like, have you talked to them about them taking your name off of the credit card specifically? The timeshare will be more complicated. Yeah, so we've thought it up to them because now it's to the point where like my brother and sister-in-law can't buy another house

because their debt to income ratio is affected by their credit card debt, like my parents' credit card debt. So it's kind of been a family discretion. And so my parents moved their credit or the debt that they had on one credit card to another credit card that has a 0% interest and does not have our names on it. And then they need to close that other account. Exactly. And that gets your name off of it i think they still owe a little bit more on that because pay it off and close the account that gets your name off of it yeah you guys are like being midwestern sweet people

hillbillies would have already like punched somebody this is this is just not okay. You should be angry. Yeah, it's one of those things where it's caused a lot of family fights. Yeah. Just because I'm new to the Ramsey method. It's not the Ramsey method. It's called illegal.

It's criminal fraud. Okay? I mean, when you add somebody else's name to a legal document without having a power of attorney to do so, that's called criminal fraud. I mean, it's illegal. It's, like, serious. You don't just, God, man.

Well, people are doing, I mean, they're doing. I know people are doing it yeah but it's illegal as heck man well when you put their name as a minor specifically it's on it illegal well they're not taking it and opening it solely in their name but the point is is that it's effect it's it's affecting victoria obviously and all of it so stupid so i mean yeah so victoria i mean that that's that's the answer is for them to i pay it off close the account but then when you get into and then you know call and yell at the timeshare company and go i did not give you permission to put no one has permission to put

my name on there and if you don't take my name off of there in like 36 seconds my attorney is gonna punch your lights out i mean you need to get up in some people's grill. Yeah, because I want my name off of it. Listen, let me tell you, a timeshare is legalized fraud. It's a horrible product. And so your parents are such wonderful people that they signed their kids up for two of the worst financial products on the planet time shares and credit cards god what kind of parents are these she can't control the parents i know i'm not yelling at her i'm just

saying that these guys man so if i'm you i'm going for the juggler on this i mean you need to get the timeshare people on the line and ring them out you do not have my signature i am not responsible and if you don't take my name off of this i'm gonna own your little company because that's because that's true victoria right you didn't sign your name you're not liable it's identity theft i'm double checking that she didn't that they weren't at christmas and the parents were like here sign this and she forgot about it or realized i was just double checking you didn't sign anything right victoria no the credit cards they put me on the timeshare i did sign two years ago because there we go okay no it's okay exactly so helper how do you how does she get her how does she get

out of i have no idea i mean you signed up for a timeshare how do you get out of a timeshare you can't you're stuck in a thicket of briars um i mean if the family can talk the timeshare company into retitling this i'll be shocked but oh god uh i mean how do you if you call me up just say i just bought a timeshare i would go well that was really a ridiculously dumb activity so uh which is you know and now how do i get out of it you they're almost impossible to get out of they're just horrible it's a it's a grotesque industry yeah and they they feed on the weak and um oh um i i honestly don't know how to tell you other than hire an attorney and uh start talking to them about how you're going to sue them if they don't let you take you off of it and some of these attorneys

go after timeshare companies and do a good job with them um but if the parent if if everyone came in because she said her brother or sister was in on it too so if it was her and the sibling and the parents if they all got an attorney together to try to get out is that a better way or getting out a fourth would be more difficult do you know what i mean like if there could be an agreement that they all get out yeah let's pretend you could get this particular set of parents to do anything um let's pretend you could do that okay and they actually did start the legal process together i can't depend on them to finish it because the things they're willing to do to their own children baffles the mind.

Okay, but the authorized... I mean, really, it does. I hear you, but the authorized user on credit cards is a legal thing, and people are doing that today. It is not a legal thing. Yes, it is. Authorized users. Authorized user is not liable for the debt.

They didn't sign up authorized user they were it wouldn't it shouldn't be showing up on their credit bureau if they're just an authorized user it's not supposed to you could clear that's a different issue you could clear that off because an authorized user is not an owner of the account they're not liable yes but they do get the perks of the credit of the account supposed to they're not supposed to but they are because they're not an owner of the account. They're not financially responsible for the account. And so, yeah, this is where stupid parents are doing to their kids. They're just ridiculous.

And if you're doing this to your kids, you're stupid. You should stop it. Don't mess up your kid's life. This poor lady right here is dealing with people like you if you're doing this to your kid. So, gosh, I'm so sorry, honey. I don't have an answer for you get the credit cards closed completely down we'll get that'll get rid of it either way um and then you've got a fight on your hands with the idiot timeshare industry it is the most grotesque

fraud-filled horrible industry on the planet they're just awful it's just it's the worst and i've dealt with them for 20 years trying to get people out we had a company that did it for a while and the company went sideways and so screwed up if you had to dave george and i played this game on happy hour would you rather have a timeshare or a leased car i don't have to enter i don't have to enter the land of stupid and pick one option okay i just i'm gonna turn around to enter the land of stupid and pick one option okay I just I'm gonna turn around and leave the land of stupid I'm not gonna pick one of the options so I just why would I do that so it's a fun game it's not a fun game just the light in

the mood no it's not there's nothing light about it it just aggravates me but yeah the uh so gosh Victoria I'm sorry I'm just angry for you this just pisses me off that your mom and dad would treat their own children this way it's affecting your brother and sister-in-law's ability to buy a home this is awful it's just awful and you know the the fact that your family's so freaking dysfunctional that your christmas present is the opportunity to sign to co-sign no i don't know if that was true. I was using that as an example. Just when you come back Christmas, sign up.

I don't know if that was what happened. I know, but it's what happened. It's the way this family works. So I'm so sorry for you. I do not know. The only thing I know how to do is go after the timeshare business the only way they understand, and that's a metaphorical two-by-four to the face. Oh, my God.

It's the only thing you can do to get their attention. You have to hit them hard. It's the only thing they get. They are a nasty, fraudulent industry. They're horrible. Have I been unclear, America? This is the Ramsey Show. Well, just before showtime, Preston Cannon, our Vice President of Publishing for Ramsey Press,

brought in a brand new copy of Ken's new book, which comes out in May. Oh, it's beautiful. It's actually the thing, yeah. So find the work you're wired to do. It includes a code in the back. It's got this little tear-off thing, and when you tear it off, it's going to open up,

and you'll see the code to enter for the Get Clear Career Assessment. We've sold almost 100,000 of those assessments to you folks. They're very good. It's one of the best digital products we've ever developed at Ramsey to help you figure out what you're good at, where you ought to go with your career, direction to take you towards your talents, your passions, all of that. It's incredible. So an assessment code is included with the new book because the new book is there to describe to you the results of the assessment and what to do with it.

And so that's what this does. So if you have never taken the assessment, you can get the book. It comes with an e-book with an assessment, an audio book with an assessment code, and the hardback book. So you get three of the assessments to give to friends and relatives or whatever, and the books to help you tell how to do it. And it comes out in, it's on pre-sale right now,

you can get it, but we'll actually ship them in early May. Yeah, I've had friends, we've had family take that assessment, so it really is. It's really, really well done. It's huge, it's fabulous. Zach is with us in Dallas. Hey, Zach, how are you? Doing well.

How about yourself? Better than I deserve. How can I help? So I'm getting married this December. My fiance currently has a 2006 Mustang that's starting to fall apart. I would like to get her a new vehicle after we're married, or we would like to get a new vehicle after we're married. Not as a wedding present, just as getting her something better that's more reliable.

I currently make about $110,000 a year. I'm debt-free. I own a house my parents gifted me. What is an acceptable budget to get her a vehicle? And one reason I'm asking is her family is very judgmental and causes problems whenever she gets new things or nice things. So I'm trying to find a budget that won't get too much flack from them, but also gets her in a nice, reliable vehicle. Well, I would be looking at the latter, Zach. I think that first part of worrying about what they think, that's going to be a long, exhausting life

that you're going to live if that's a filter that you use. And so I think it's a good practice for this to be the first purchase that you guys make solely as a couple based on your numbers, which you guys want. And regardless of the judgment, that probably will be coming because how you guys are set up already with a paid for house, you have no debt, you make great money. You guys will probably be purchasing some things in the near far future that they will be judging

probably a lot throughout your marriage. So I think it's a good practice to say, here's the first purchase we're gonna make as our own family unit. And it's gonna be a stretch for you guys emotionally, but I would do that. And then looking at the numbers, do you have any money saved? About $125,000 in the bank.

You're a stud. Good for you. How old are you? 21. You're killing it, man. You are so killing it. I'm so proud of you. Great job, Zach.

Man, she got a catch. You're something else. I'm six classes away from graduating with a degree. I have no college debt, and I work about 70 hours a week right now. What's your degree in? Business management. You're going to be a multimillionaire. You're amazing.

So nice. Good for you. Good for you. So the rule of thumb on cars is they go down in value. You know that. Yes. A guy like you knows that already. That's not something I have to teach you.

So we tell folks don't buy things with motors and wheels, boats, sea-dos, snowmobiles, and tractors. Don't buy things with motors and wheels that all add up. When you add up all your stuff with motors and wheels to more than half your annual income, because it all goes down in value. And so in your case, you make $100,000. You're talking about spending $20,000 on her, and you're well in range, right? Yes.

Yeah, it's no big deal. Yeah. She doesn't need a $70,000 car. It doesn't fit your budget. Yeah. Okay. We were looking at a new new honda crv which runs about 38 to 40 okay i would not do a new one unless you've got a million dollar net worth and

you don't so i would hold back on that but maximum when you're done your car plus her car does not need to be more than 50 of your take-home pay and pay cash, okay? Okay. So, I mean, 50% of your gross annual. So your gross annual together is going to be what? She's currently a full-time student. What's her degree in? It's in archaeology. When's she graduating?

She really wants to be. 2025. Okay. So at the time you're doing this, it's going to be your income, and you make what? 70. 110. 110, I'm sorry. Okay, so 55 total. you're doing this, it's going to be your income, and you make what? $70,000. $110,000. $110,000, I'm sorry.

Okay, so $55,000 total. What's your car worth? My truck is worth about $50,000. Okay. Well, you're way over, okay? Okay. So, you know, $15,000, $20,000 for her max, and then don't do this again. It's the only dumb thing you've done in the whole

story you told me you really have got your act together except that truck was it paid for you paid cash for the truck i did it was uh the job i got i needed to have a 21 you did not need a 50 000 truck i don't care what job no it's my biggest regret so far it's your biggest mistake so far everything else in your story is fabulous so you you've been really smart but you got two you're gonna have too much tied up in cars and don't do it again but you're 21 you got the rest of your life to do smart so you're fine everything's okay you're great you're great now when you buy her a 25 or a $20,000 car or something like that which is about what the used crv in other words um to put her in something nicer. Back to the other part of the question.

Rachel's right. Trying to please judgmental people that you love and you actually care about their judgment is exhausting. And so you're a really nice young man, and I want to teach you to continue to be nice to them on the outside. But in the inside, when they start talking like that, I just want you to say, none of you. So they currently don't like me already. I don't care. They're frustrated.

They deal with her. Yeah, that's fine. None of you. She needs to learn to hear in her head when they start something, just go none of you. Because let me tell you how many times one of my grown kids called and asked me if they should buy a car zero or ask me when they should have a baby zero which is appropriate by the way they don't need my permission they're what's known as grown okay and i do they you know rachel drives one of those rolling batteries i mean i don't why would

why would why would i condone that i wouldn't condone that tesla stuff it's not like a real car so um and they catch fire i'll beat you i'll beat you on the interstate you will you beat me in the parking lot too i've seen you but the uh but the uh i'm kidding around but you know we so we could just have fun with it and that's the extent of my judgment yeah but there's a relationship fact i mean they're fractured already before they even enter the marriage zach what's i'm just curious i mean she's still in school and i had a semester left of college when i got married in december so there's no judgment on my end i'm just curious what's what's causing kind of like a level of urgency to get married

now if she has a full year left, you're still in school, and the parent, it's not great with the family. Is it just you guys love each other and this is it? For the most part, yes. That's really all there is to it, is that we've dated for two years. We're ready to get married, ready to move in, and see less of a reason to wait than we do to go ahead and get married gotcha okay i was just curious we want to live together and start start our lives and we want to do it

the right way and so yeah good for you marriage was the next step good for you great well what's going to happen is is you're just going to go pick up henry clout's book boundaries because that's what i'm saying is just you got gotta have boundaries just say you smile at them and go yeah okay um but you if you filter your decisions through what they think rachel's exactly right it's going to be exhausting because you cannot anticipate what crazy is going to do that's why it's known as crazy so and you'll never make them happy. You could buy a $5,000 car. It doesn't matter what you do. It's not.

And the point is, you reach a point that you're not doing anything for them. And that point is the day you say, I do. Which you're in the hardest season, though. I mean, from an age-wise, young, the amount of time from a parent's handoff to the real world. I mean, the older you get in the more life experiences and more decisions you make, the easier it is. This is the hardest. This will be those hard that the hardest season to feel that and actually walk through those motions. And so you guys together, it's like you just lock arms and just say and even have like a funny code if you guys go to Christmas and they make a comment just like have a thing with each

other of like I'm just going to like scratch my ear and be like I'm dying inside but just me and you know right like you gotta like just you gotta have fun with it and lean on each other but congratulations Zach we're excited for you guys now I'm looking for funny codes this is the Ramsey Show. Bye.