The Ramsey Show - App - Dealing With Setbacks on Your Journey (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with best-selling author Dr. John Deloney. And man, I'm getting over something, but my voice sounds terrible now that I'm hearing it in my ears. It sounds all like smoky and sultry. Like, hey, everybody. I'm trying, you know. Welcome to the world headquarters of Ramsey Solutions.

It's winter. It's winter. I blame the weather. Well, it is a free call. And as Ken Coleman would say, a toll-free call anywhere in the country. Because he's 141. 888-825-5225. Give us free call. And as Ken Coleman would say, a toll-free call anywhere in the country. Because he's 141. 888-825-5225. Give us a call.

We'll talk about your money, your relationships, your work, and your life. All right, first up, we have Stacey in Atlanta. Hey, Stacey. Welcome to the show.

Hi, Rachel. Hi, Dr. John. What's up? Perfect pair for this question. Hey. My mother recently passed away from dementia. I'm sorry. And when my brother and I sell her house, I'll come into some inheritance.

And all during this process of us caring for her financially and, you know, supporting her through her health, trying to keep her out of a memory care and, you know, supporting her through her health, trying to keep her out of a memory care and, you know, all of that. I swore myself, if there's any money left at the end of this, I'm buying long-term care insurance so that my kids don't have to go through this. Yes, yes. So, but I keep questioning myself because we, my husband and I and I are 59, he's 60. We have not paid off our house, but we're set everywhere else. So we're baby step six.

So I don't know if you want some numbers. What's your main question? Because you're on the right track is what you're saying. You guys want long-term care insurance, which is something when you're 60 that we recommend. Or apply it to paying down the house, the mortgage. Here's where I would suggest to go forward two things. One is go forward with the insurance. Two, you're entering into a window, right?

The longer you wait now, the more expensive it gets. Right. And so it's already going to be expensive. I'll tell you one of, if not the greatest gift my parents ever gave me through my whole childhood. After I was going into all these homes with the police department and dealing with death notifications

and taking care of people who had just been widowed um i remember calling my dad and saying man this is really like weighing on me do y'all have a plan right and we kind of talked through and he did but for christmas that year they got all of us kids they got themselves long-term care insurance and i remember exhaling in a way that i didn't realize i was holding my breath. Because in the back of my mind, I'd always been thinking, well, if something happens to mom, we're going to like, and I didn't realize I was doing that, but I was. And when they said, hey, Merry Christmas, this stuff's expensive. So we didn't really get y'all anything other than this and a couple of books. I just went, and so I would tell you on behalf of everybody, I think it's a wise decision. Yeah.

And it's not part of the baby steps, Stacey, but we do look at insurance as one of these foundational principles. Like if you were, you know, a young couple with little kids, we'd say you need life insurance, right? And Stacey, if anyone's dependent upon your income, you guys still need life insurance, which is different than long-term care. So these kinds of things that you have in your life that are part of your financial picture is regardless of baby steps. So I really do think, yeah, at your age, this is regardless of on your, even if you're on baby step two, I would say this is still something to look into

because to John's point, it's only going to get more expensive. And if something does happen, it's insurance. It's there to catch those really expensive costs that hopefully are not anytime soon, but long-term. But I would, yes, I would go ahead and do that. And then also for your house, how much do you guys owe on the house? $250,000. Okay. And how much do you guys make? About $210,000. Okay. That's great. And do you have kids at home at all or are they all grown and gone? No. They're grown and gone. Okay. That's great. When you sell this house, when you sell your mom's house, what kind of inheritance are you going to bring home after you split it with everybody? About $100,000. That's great. Okay. So an income of 210 and you take that $100,000

and apply it to your mortgage? Because I can't think of something I would rather my kids have than a paid-for home when I go, like a place they can always call home that nobody can take from them. I would love for my children to use that as their inheritance for that. And so that would drop your mortgage, your principal, down to $150,000. You make $210,000. You could knock that out in a couple of years and it would just be done. Have you priced out, Stacey, your long-term care? Because you keep talking about how expensive it is,

and I'm just curious, your health situation or what numbers you're pulling. I talked to my financial advisor, and he was saying it's about $50,000 a person for about $500,000 worth of long-term care insurance. So that takes it all. But hold on, are you talking about buying a whole life policy? That's one of those hybrid policies. Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, don't do that. Please don't do that.

No, no, no, no. So what you're pricing out is extremely expensive because they're putting you into, yeah, a whole life type of insurance. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, you don't need to do that. So what I would do is I would look up, I think Zander does carry long life type of insurance. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, you don't need to do that. So what I would do is I would look up,

I think Zander does carry long-term care insurance. If they don't, they'll direct you in the right place. Yeah, go to zander.com, Stacey, because that's a terrible financial product of what your financial advisor is trying to get you in. And if you guys don't have people dependent on your income, you don't even need life insurance

and whole life insurance. Yes, they do all these scams within it and these like investments and this and that and that they try to sell products within it and it just ends up costing extreme a lot which long-term care insurance it's not it's not inexpensive but it shouldn't be that expensive and especially up front they're asking you to pay for the whole policy so stacy look at options and again go to xander.com um and call them, I'm pretty sure they do have long-term care. It may just be term life right now,

but talk to them because they're trusted people that are in this insurance world and they know all of this stuff. But yeah, go ahead and get a second opinion and maybe even a third opinion, right? Shop this. Please don't buy a whole life policy. Please, please, please, please.

Not good. And just Rachel, it feels like a snaky thing from her financial advisor i know yeah yeah it feels gross to me that they're going to sell you on an expensive product when you went um yeah it just feels gross yeah gross gross and the whole thing about whole life stacy you have to understand because a lot of there are financial advisors out there that sell these kind of products and either them themselves know that they're getting a great back end. And so they're just like, hey, we're going to kind of push this product because we're making something off of it. Or some of them are just ignorant. Some of them literally have been sold

this bag of goods too. And they believe that this is the best thing. But when you run the numbers and you actually look at the options, Stacey, it's terrible. Like it is. And so stay away from anything, universal life, whole life, all of it. Cause they do, they try to, they try to tack on all these different types of insurance and it becomes extremely expensive. And if you had invested part of that money, right? If you went and did long-term care insurance with someone else, it's just purely long-term care. There's no insurance, a whole life parts of that. There's no package. Yeah, and you invested the remaining part. How much you're going to have left too, Stacey, for your kids, right?

So there's so many different options. Go ahead and price that out, but do not, I would not go with that product at all. And you don't even need life insurance at this point. If you and your husband, if there's people not dependent upon your income and there's enough for like burial costs and all that, like you do want to look at that process. but stacy also why you're at it you you and your husband call one of our smart investor pros because i want you to get second opinion on your the person taking care of walking alongside you with your retirement because i don't know you're getting the best advice Welcome back to The Ramsey Show.

I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls. Next up, we have Mia in Boston. Hi, Mia. Welcome to the show. Hi, thanks for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? So my baby stepped in with my husband and our car broke. So we're stacking cash to replace it.

And we're in the suck. And last month I busted my butt to earn about $3,000 on five gigs. The intent was to cover a small Christmas budget and pay off debt, which then got transitioned to stacking cash for the car replacement. After repairs and a cutting hours at my husband's job, we only ended up paying $1,000 towards the car after replacing the car replacement. After repair and a cut in hours at my husband's job, we only ended up paying $1,000 towards the car after replacing the emergency fund. So side gig hours are reduced this month and the budget shows we're doing every dollar. We do a budget every month since July when we started this. And we have about $200 left in the budget

this month. And it's so early in the month. And I'm really worried that we won't have enough money to even finish the month. And my husband thinks I that we won't have enough money to even finish the month. And my husband thinks I'm just being pessimistic. And so I'm just calling to see, like, is this normal to have this much of a setback? So, yes, I would say for sure. And that's part of this. I mean, you guys are six months in to this. How much have you paid off so far?

We've paid off about $16,000, I think. Good for you guys. How much have you paid off so far? We've paid off about $16,000, I think. Good for you guys. How much do you have left? Over $30,000. Okay. No, you're great. You're doing awesome. And how much do you guys make a year? About $140,000. Okay. Good for you guys. And doing some side hustle stuff. Yeah. So Mia, I feel like one of the frustrating parts, I can think of just life, right? But especially if you're on a really intense plan like this, is that you wish life was just a gradual line upward, but it's not. It is a up and down, up and down. It almost looks like the stock market when you look at that chart, right? I mean, the life just happens.

And the great thing about you guys, though, is that you've had a plan. I mean, before this, if life happened, you would probably had no savings. You had debt. I mean, all of this, right? Maybe living paycheck to paycheck. And so I think the positive end of this is that even though it feels like, oh my gosh, it's a step backwards, it's going to feel like that because it is. But that doesn't mean that it has to continue like that. And it won't, even though these are the times that it can be so discouraging But that is life and we see that all the time. Yeah people call in. I mean, this is this is i'm like You're you're gonna go through life people deal with health issues

They deal with job changes and losses and moves and expenses all the time that they were not expecting And that's so common. It's so common. But when something like a car breaks down, I get it It's like it is so it's so discour. It's so common. But when something like a car breaks down, I get it. It's like, it is so, it's so discouraging because it feels like all your hard work went to a stupid car and you're just like, oh my gosh, we want to pay this debt down. So I hear you. I want to say that that is so normal,

even though it sucks, like that's not fun. And the $200 buffer, I mean, I get it because $200 can just go like that, right? I'm like, it doesn't feel like a lot after a while. But I would say if you guys stick to it and maybe you pull back from Christmas even more in the season and do a couple of things there, I think you're going to be okay.

But I think your fear and concern is valid. So your husband saying that you're being a pessimist, I don't think so. I think there's a level of a realist of like, things could happen and this $200 could just be gone in an instance. But I also think that you guys are plans and you know what's going on. And that's going to give you more direction, more confidence than probably you're giving a credit for. Okay. Yeah. I mean, he's wise, but it just feels like we're not getting anywhere. And he keeps saying, like, it's just two years.

It's just two years, and we're only six months in, and it just feels like we're not. Like, we were so close to paying off our next debt, which was our last car loan. And now, you know, and he said the difference is that the old us would have just driven to the dealership and taken out another loan. That's exactly right. And the new us is going to drive this crappy car, which is on its last leg and just work harder and try to save the money. Yep. But I'm so tired.

I've worked so much extra time and it was just so disheartening to like, I worked, I basically didn't even have like a day off for almost 30 days. And I thought I was going to be pulling in $3,000. And instead it's like a thousand to all that for a thousand dollars. It's so disheartening. But it wasn wasn't it wasn't just for a thousand dollars you saved your family from going back over the cliff yeah like I'm gonna this is gonna sound crazy would it be weird for somebody in your house to say the phrase hell yeah no okay you're like no no i want you to make like a hell yeah journal and it's kind of a gratitude

journal on steroids because as you're working through this you earned three thousand dollars on top of your regular job this month and you my friend kept your family from sliding back into a deeper hole than you even started from because you're right y'all would have gone to get a car loan and you would have got something nice and while you were there they would have been running an end of your special and you would have ended up getting way deeper in the hole than you even started this whole thing with and so i want you to like you saved your life like you said you did it like you did the plan yeah yeah this is the plan you did it yes yes yeah so i want but even though it goes to something stupid like a car because the car right like i get it like i get it but you did it's frustrating so i want you to write these

things down on a regular basis like dude i worked i didn't have a day off for 30 days hell yeah i earned three thousand dollars on top of my paycheck. That goes in the journal. And that way, when you have these setbacks and you know what, I hate to like be Debbie Downer, your refrigerator is going to go out in the next six months. I just promise you it will. I promise. And, but y'all have continued to work and work and work. Let me ask you a hard question. Y'all make 140 grand. What is it about your expense ratio? Because that's a really good salary. What is it about your expenses going out the door that you can barely breathe like that? Because your debt's $30,000. That's not an astronomical ratio. Do y'all have really

expensive cars or a really expensive home? No. No, we went into debt because we had four kids in braces, medically necessary, so really expensive, not covered by insurance. We went into debt last year and, you know, then adopted this program, got on a budget. And just like you guys said, getting on a budget, like suddenly we had a read and we had money to start paying down the debt, which is why we've been able to pay down the debt in the past few months. You know, our cars are all over 10 years old. You know, we have a really low mortgage payment. It's just, I have five kids and they eat a lot. And that's a lot coming in and out.

Excellent. Okay. I totally get that, man. Kids, yes, they will eat everything, all things, and then more. So I know it sounds so trite, but don't just hang in there. Celebrate where you are. And I know you're like, ugh. And with five kids, $200 feels like somebody could sneeze

and you're going to spend $200. I get that. I would lean on my husband's optimism in this season and then keep grinding away at it. Keep grinding away. I'll tell you this. On the back end, you are providing your kids a life-changing picture of what hard work looks like, what breaking chains looks like, what changing your family tree looks like. When things

that are hard come up in their life, which they will, economic problems, war, relationship issues, their own financial issues, they will have a crystal clear picture of the time mom and dad didn't even get each other something for christmas because they had something bigger in mind that was changing their family tree they will remember that the months mom worked every day of the week and missed recitals and missed games and made us cook our own dinner because she was so focused on setting the family free. None of your efforts are lost. It's disappointing that you didn't put $3,000 down.

You only got $1,000 down. But man, you are changing everything. I'm proud of you. Proud of you. Yeah. No, absolutely. And I think that's a fear from a lot of parents is, oh my gosh, I'm going to miss out on this time with my kids. If we're doing this for 18 months, even you saying I'm

missing recitals and practices and all the things because I'm sacrificing to get us in a position where we can actually breathe as a family. A lot of people see that as complete detriment, but it's not. There could not be a better lesson. I promise you if you had to have to decide, well, my kid's got a travel soccer game that I just have to go to, or, hey, son, I want to sit down. We're going to have breakfast together at the house. We're going to have cereal because that's what we're eating right now. We're going to have oatmeal. I'm working really hard to get our family out of debt. And so I'm going to miss this game. I'm going to be thinking about you. I want you to call me the moment you walk off that field.

But I also want you to know your daddy or your mom's working really hard to set this family free. Yeah. And I would say this too. It's not in the vein of like, I'm a workaholic and I'm just going to work and work and work until the day is long. Nope. There's a plan. There's a goal. There's a time set and there's a goal, a very noble goal in the midst of all of that. So remember that parents, this is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show i am rachel cruz hosting this hour with dr john deloney we are taking your calls it's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225 you know christmas you guys it is right around the corner and john i've done so many interviews recently for different media outlets talking about budgeting and Christmas and everyone's shopping

and feeling like they're over their budgets and going into debt and it's insane. So you guys, remember, as you're shopping, be wise. Don't put yourself in a financial hole. I mean, there was, I saw a study, 25% of Americans are still paying for Christmas from last year. So don't be one of those people.

Be on a budget, be wise. And as you're shopping, we have some great affordable gifts, gifts that can actually help the people in your life, help your friends, help your family. There's so many meaningful gifts that are only $12. At Ramsey Solutions, we're continuing our Christmas sale, only $12. So the total money makeover, baby steps to millionaires, own your past, change your future, all for just $12. And even your questions for humans, John, it's back for $10. So if you need some great gifts that are in your budgets, that are inexpensive, but actually are great gifts,

go to ramsaysolutions.com slash store. Hey, can I add something to that? So this is me being a little bit vulnerable talking about stuff I don't usually talk about on the show. Usually I keep this stuff private, but here we go. I think it was last year when Own Your Past, Change Your Future came out, right? And it was the number one bestseller, did well. Yeah.

So I grew up the son of a police officer and a minister, and my wife grew up the daughter of two teachers. And then we had number one bestselling book money, which was something we'd never experienced. And I had seen an escalation in our kids' Christmas and me continuing to try to show them how much I love them by how much stuff I bought. And last year was a madhouse. I overdid it. I went bananas. Yeah.

And this year in preparation Sheila said way early we have to be responsible and so my son and I we go to I talk about this

we go to breakfast every week and he's 13 and about a month and a half ago during breakfast I said listen

Christmas is going to look different this year the last few years I just keep buying more and more stuff more and more stuff, more and more stuff. You and your sister, you'll have enough stuff.

We're going to buy a couple of things that are important, we think, maybe one or two nice things, and we're going to give a lot of stuff away, and we're just going to spend time together having some adventure. And my son's response, he got quiet, and he said, Dad, I don't think you can do it and here's what he was saying hank raised the bar hank was not saying are you serious you're not going to get us a button he said he was expressing i know dad it's overwhelming but i think you buy gifts for us

for you and so i tell everybody that for this my kid's I mean, he's special and he's my son. He's the smartest kid and best looking kid, all that stuff. That's not the point. The point is, if you'll sit down and have a direct, honest conversation with your kids

about the state of your financial life in your home, like our last caller, we lost, we got hours cut. We're trying to get a debt, fill in the blank. If you'll be honest with them

and say, here's what we're going to do, they're with you. You know why? Because they feel the tension in their home. They know something's not right. And if you say, hey, this is going to be a different kind of Christmas. You and your sister, you and your brother,

you and all five of your brothers and sisters, y'all are going to get three gifts this year. That's what we're going to do. And they're not going to be big. And I just want you to know ahead of time, we have a plan, but we're going to do some different things this year. We're going to go hang out what we're going to do. And they're not going to be big. And I just want you to know ahead of time, we have a plan, but we're going to do some different things this year. We're going to go hang out. We're going to play, have that conversation with your kids. And I'm telling you, they're going to respond in a positive way. I'm telling you.

Well, and it sounds so silly because it's so simple, but John, I'm like, we over Thanksgiving, like we took the kids, we went and got by our, by all the bikes, went to an empty parking lot at a high school nearby and we just they just literally rode bikes in this big empty parking lot for like probably two hours we went on a hike the next day like we just did so much stuff with them activity wise and then we go and clean out the playroom closet and like oh that's good that's good but all they can talk about is riding bikes in the parking lot do you know what I mean so I'm like we all know this but yet we get sucked into this consumerism and this christmas and and amazon big you know uh catalog they send

and the kids are looking through it i want this and i want you know and you just get caught up in it when you just stop and they want you oh my gosh yes they want you yes they want time with their parents and it's just crap that we buy crap that's 80 pieces and you're just like oh my god get all of it away get all of it away it's all of it away. It's all these like little things. How many people have you talked to who went to Disney World with their kid and all their kid comes back talking about was the hotel pool, right? Just your kids want you. That's right. They want you.

They want you. They want you. So have the conversation if your finances are tight this year. And if your finances are not tight this year, don't use Christmas as a way to sing and dance in front of your kids. Like they don't want your song and dance. They want you. That's right. That's right.

All right, let's go to the phones. We got Kelsey in Austin, Texas. Hey, Kelsey, welcome to the show. Hey, y'all. Merry Christmas and thank you for taking my call. How are you guys? Merry Christmas, Kelsey. I don't think I've said that yet on the show. And that was a good Texas. Hey, y'all. Merry Christmas, and thank you for taking my call. How are you guys? Merry Christmas, Kelsey. I don't think I've said that yet on the show.

And that was a good Texas. Hey, y'all. That was awesome. Thank you guys so much. So my question is, my husband and I are in Baby Step 2, and we have a really great opportunity to move back home to North Carolina and start the process of taking over a 100-year-old family business. But we are about, like, we'll be lucky if we break even on our house here just outside of Austin. And so really my question is, do we wait until we have more equity in our home to move, or do we kind of take that opportunity and like try to just break even with our house here? Yeah, I wouldn't wait. I was going to say I've bought and sold multiple houses in my life, Kelsey. And one of those times, because the economic incentive on the back end was so

important, I ended up having to take a check to closing. I technically lost money on my house. Not a lot. It was a little bit. It was like 4,000 bucks. That was the check I had to take to closing, which sounds bananas. But the following year, my wife and I paid off six figures of debt. And so the trade-off was definitely worth it. Yeah. So the trade-off for sure for you guys and Kelsey, you guys are on baby step two. So when you move back home, I would rent. Don't buy again. Rent while you guys get out of debt. How much debt do you guys have left you guys are on baby step too so when you move back home I would rent don't buy again rent while you guys get out of debt how much debt do you guys have left to pay off um we have about 40,000 left okay and what's the what's your income is it going to go up or down this first

year with the new transition of the job um it'll actually go up for both of us. Um, for my husband, it'll go up and then I will also get a promotion with my company. Um, so. Oh, good. Okay. Great. Yeah. I wouldn't let the house stop me. Honestly, I would, I would sell it and don't try to be a long distance landlord and keep it and rent it and wait for the market. All of it is just, you know, we always say with real estate, whether you're buying, whether you're selling, whatever it is, it's, it's, when is a good time for you, right? You're looking at your situation. You're not trying to gauge the market

because we don't have a crystal ball. We don't know what's going on. But one thing I do know, Kelsey, yeah, since you guys are on baby step two, do not buy. Just go and rent for a few years. Make sure to get this debt paid off, get a good fully funded emergency fund and then put down, you know,

save 5% for a good down payment to 5% to 20% or more if you want to for a down payment. But I would not rush back into homeownership, which can be hard when you've done it and then you feel like, oh, my gosh, we're going back to renting. But that's going to be the smartest move for you guys. No, we did it not well this first time. Okay, so you feel it.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm like, let's wait until we're totally ready. What's this business you're going back to take over? What was that, John? Sorry? What's the business you're going to take over? It's actually a 100-year-old furniture business, so we're really, really excited. That's great. Whose side

of the family is it? Yours or his? It's on his side of the family. Okay. That's great. And you're able to keep your job when you guys move? Yeah. I'm fully yours or his it's on his side of the family okay okay that's great and you're able to keep your job when you guys move yeah yeah i'm fully remote and it's a fortune 500 company so yeah i'm able to move okay such a blessing yeah that's awesome have y'all counted the cost like to your souls and what it's going to be like to leave the the lone star state you know we honestly we got we came here for the military and then we transitioned out and we love Texas.

But John, why is Texas a whole country? Like it's so far from everything. You live there. You know why it is. Hey, listen, when we told people we were moving to Nashville, like multiple people took me out for like a drink or for coffee. And double checking that you're okay leaving? Well, there's like, hey, is this the right move?

Like you're leaving the motherland. You know, Al Qaeda is waiting for you on the Arkansas border. They're waiting. And I was like, I think we're going to be all right. Texas people are so bizarre with their states. They're amazing. They're just proud of their home. Which I guess so.

Good for you. Get out of there, Kelsey. Go for it. Go Vols. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney and taking your questions at 888-825-

5225. It's a free call anywhere in the country. Up next we have Jamie in San Antonio. Hey, Jamie, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? If I needed a dream team to help me, you two are the ones I would pick. We are here for you, Jamie. We are here for you. What's up? I need you. I have a very simple question and a very messy situation. At what point do I stop investing? Kind of what's going on? I'm 45, I'm disabled, and I'm freshly divorced. So I'm on a set income and I need to start making a budget and I'm not

sure what to do with my money. I bring in about $4,000 a month, but I only spend about $1,500. I'm debt-free and I have a little over $650,000 in brokerage accounts. $600,000 and what? $50,000. $50,000, good for you, Jamie. Okay. This is from the divorce. Okay. I received probably 90%. He received maybe 10% of that. Okay.

But I feel like I cannot make any financial mistakes because I cannot go out and get a job. If anything goes wrong, I'm scared. Yeah. Jamie, I want you to do me a huge favor. I want you to take as deep breath as you possibly can, and I want you to do me a huge favor. I want you to take as deep breath as you possibly can and I want you to hold it for kind of three, okay? Do it. Take it deep in. Hold it.

One, two, three, let it out. Okay. I want you to hear me as directly as you can, okay? Financially, you're in great shape. Okay. Okay. Okay?

You're in great shape. I can hear the words, but I just can't. I know you can't. I know. But when you get scared in the middle of the night, I want you to hear those words. What happened in your marriage? After 21 years, I found out, um, he, yeah, he's, he's been cheating on me for a while.

Um, he's recently admitted that he has a sex addiction. Uh, so it's been going on with a lot of people, huh? A lot of people. I felt, I, I found out, um, I couldn couldn't i couldn't say i couldn't no um i don't know in my my kids are broken and i'm broken and so on paper it looks so good and i know that because i've been dave ramsey since 2009 i'm better than I deserve, but I, um, I can't, I'm afraid I'm gonna make a bad decision. I'm afraid I'm going to become a shopping addict. Um, I can't eat my emotions because I've, I've had bypass surgery. I cannot drink alcohol. I can't smoke. I can't. So I'm stuck here having to deal with this.

And I'm scared. So I have, back to the question, I have about 2,000 plus extra each month. I have 650,000 in brokerage. Can I just take a break? Can I just go on vacation when I want to? Or what do I do? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jamie, how recent was all this? The divorce was final in September. Okay. So my rule of thumb I always tell people is no big decisions for six months to a year. Okay. So my rule of thumb, I always tell people is no big, big decisions for six to six months to a year. Okay.

That doesn't mean don't go out with your kids. You only need to go somewhere and just be together. I had some medical issues and I, I've received, we have two homes. I received both of them in the divorce. I sold the first one and I moved to 16 hours south. I had to get away from him.

I had to move. And I have my son with me and my daughter is in college and she will not talk with him. She won't. And so I'm constantly like the in between. And so I'm covering every bomb that he throws and the kids just don't know what he's doing wrong. And so I'm worn out. But then I'm also keep thinking at some point I'm going to break. And is it going to be a financial bad decision? Is it going to be,

what is it? And have you broken before? Cause you keep mentioning this. Have you, have you lost control before? No, I think it's a control issue. I can only control my money right now.

That's not true. Hold on. right now. That's not true. Hold on, hold on. That's not true. You can't control him, but you can control you. Have you struggled with addiction before? Have you struggled with out-of-control behavior before? My brother died of addiction last year. Okay. So I'm very aware of slip falls.

I get that, but is that you? Yeah. Because I hear a very strong woman whose entire world just blew up. Yeah, and Jamie, one thing John has said, and I've heard you say this before, which I feel like is so true right now, what I'm hearing from you, Jamie, is that especially when someone walks through a situation where there's been dishonesty broken trust infidelity like anything in that category the the spouse on the other end questions oh my gosh can I trust myself yeah you've lost trust in you because I feel like I

was trusting him and then he comes up living this completely different life. How am I? Am I the crazy one? You know, like you start out. That's what he told me for years is I was the crazy one and I made it all up and I was manipulated for 10 years by him. Right. So he could cover it up. Yes. Which is obviously the complete opposite of what's going on. So Jamie, all of that,

you were sitting here and second-guessing yourself on everything. You know, you're second-guessing yourself that you're going to have a shopping addiction because your brother struggled with addiction, but you haven't struggled with addiction. You're trusting yourself that I'm going to spend all of this money, $650,000. I don't know if I can trust myself with money. You can't trust yourself with money. You've been doing this stuff since 09 of how to, of how to handle money well. Right. So I want you again, and I don't even know how to like walk you through that, but I want to give you confidence as a, as a, as a long distance friends that's met you for two minutes. Tell you, Jimmy, you can trust yourself more than you're giving yourself credit for. So

just hear an outside voice say that. Cause you're questioning every part of your life, which is understandable. Like, hear me say that understandable, but, but for someone on just the outside looking in, I just want to say that truth over you that you can trust yourself okay so i'm not crazy i want to ask you this question yeah you like repeat that to yourself you're not crazy um you were married to a sociopath who put you in extreme danger by having multiple multiple sex partners you didn't know about and destroyed the trust that and and gaslit you the whole way so So you're not crazy. Now I'm going to ask you some direct questions. Are you going to blow all $650,000 of this money? No. Okay. Are you going to take care of your kids?

Absolutely. Every day. Okay. Every second. Are you going to honor and take care of Jamie? I'm trying. Okay. You are. Now, you have to, have to, priority number one, full stop. You have to get a couple of people in your life that will sit with you and have coffee. Now, that's going to be very difficult because you move 16 hours away, right? Yeah. Whether that's a therapist, whether that's a counselor, whether it's a local church, you have to have people with you during this time, and it cannot be your kids. They can't be the people who prop you up, right? Right. And I would block husband.

I would take him out of my phone. I would cut him off. X. Yep. X. There you go. Yeah, thank you for catching me on that one. And at some point, because he is such a

out of control dishonest person he's going to at some point try to snake his way back into his kids lives and i want them to have that he's already started yep of course yes um i want you to have that conversation with your kids that they get to walk away from somebody who is a sociopath. Okay? And that's okay. Because I keep telling them, like, he's your dad. Hold on. They don't know everything, obviously. How old are they?

19 and 21. Okay. There is a way to tell the truth without telling them that their father is evil. Okay? There's a way let me even let me rephrase that even more there's a way to tell them that their father their father has is is very dishonest has had a pattern of dishonesty has not told the truth put you at extreme risk without saying your dad sucks and he's a terrible person right one of that is one of those is just running somebody down.

The other is just telling the truth about what happened. Okay? That's okay. We're not going to disparage, but we're going to tell the truth. Okay? All that to say, you've got to get some people in your life. Hang on the line, and we're going to give you three free months of better help. I want you talking to a counselor before tomorrow is over.

Thank you for the call. Thank you, Jamie. Thanks to everyone in the booth. Thank you, John, you for the call. Thank you, Jamie. Thanks to everyone in the booth. Thank you, John, for a great hour. Thank you, America, for listening. This is The Ramsey Show.