The Ramsey Show - App - Don't Answer a Question That Hasn't Been Asked (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

Dr. John Delony, Relationships Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us, America. Open phones at 888-825-5225 Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Your questions about life and about money. My co-host this hour, Ramsey personality Dr. John Deloney,

here to answer your questions about relational IQ, how to treat and work with other folks, including the person in your mirror. Starting off this hour, John is in Texas. Hi, John. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Good afternoon, gentlemen. How are you today? Better than we deserve.

What's up? I like talking to a Texan. Yes, sir, you are. Dallas, Texas. One John from Texas to another John from Texas. I'm a Houstonian, which is a little bit better than Dallas, but we'll let this one slide. What's up, man? How can we help?

I got family in Houston, so I can relate. There you go. I recently decided to abort dropping a bomb on the Mother's Day Zoom call, but I want your opinion. We've got a number of family members that are receiving their paychecks just like normal, but they've also received the stimulus money. And it's my opinion that if you're getting a paycheck, the stimulus money is meant to help those that are in financial distress. And I'm tempted to suggest to family members that it be donated to a charity or someone in need

rather than keeping it like a quick lottery win what's your opinion i got 40 different opinions on what you just said what do you think dave well um the stimulus check was not uh for people that were hurting it was um issued to every family in America, every individual taxpayer in America under a certain income range. And the purpose of it was to, I disagree with it, I'm with you, but the purpose of it was for people to spend it and stimulate the economy. In some cases, spending it on necessities if they were hurting, but otherwise. So, no, I don't think there's a moral obligation. Is it a good thing on a family Zoom call for a senior member of the family to encourage generosity? Always, always, always good to encourage generosity. To demand it on the

basis of that receiving the check is immoral, that's probably not your job. It's my opinion. But what do you think, John? That's where I was going to land. Mother's Day is not the place for that. Maybe on Father's Day. Maybe on your day. Gentlemen, I aborted the idea of doing it on the Zoom call, but I'm afterwards in future conversation.

Yeah. So what I would say is I've grown up. Ninety-nine percent of my life was spent in Texas, and so I'm going to speak to you as a Texan male myself who's currently Nashvilleian, and that is this. We, for some reason, we did it at the Alamo. We've done it when the Oilers lost all the time. When you built Planet Jerry World there in Arlington. We have this notion that we are always right and that we have to tell everyone around us what they should be doing with their world. That's not just Texas. I know I was being a smart aleck. So, John, here's what i would

tell you the same thing that i have to tell myself in the mirror when i get really passionate about stuff i get obnoxious about mental health i get obnoxious about diets i get obnoxious about people what cars they should be i feel like i got an opinion on everything and so what i got to do is number one take care of myself in my heart number two if somebody invites me into that conversation i'm going to give it to you if you you say, hey, what are you doing with your check? I'm thinking about buying a boat. That's when you're invited into a conversation to give your opinion. And the rest of it, you just carry on.

I'm thinking about buying a boat. What do you think? There you go. Don't ask me what I think unless you want to know. Right. And I don't mind setting up somebody to ask that question, but I'm not going to just insert myself artificially into their decision making because you know why if you ask my opinion i can give you that

yes because i i take this attitude to to conversations almost like waiting for you to ask and then i never connect with you i never truly listen to you i'm never fully present with you because i've got something i want to get out there and so i get john's heart man i man there's some social issues right now i'm so frustrated on about all this corona all of it but i haven't been invited in those conversations the more i carry me around i'm weighing down one guy and that's myself i'm making myself sick and making myself crazy with my anger my frustration and man it's mother's day go love your mom so it took me a while doing this show to say when the microphone is off, my job is to insert myself. You called me and invited me into the conversation by calling here.

So my job is here to do that on the microphone. But in a social setting or with family or whatever, I just don't answer questions unless they're asked. How hard is that to write? Really hard. Because I'm looking at them going, you're an idiot. Or if they're in your nice home, and they've had to walk up your nice driveway past your nice cars that you paid cash, and they're talking about this new lease they got. Yeah.

All I can do is just go, I love your car. It's beautiful. That's all I can do because they didn't ask. As a matter of fact, in that case, they probably know. Of course. They probably know, all I can do is just go, I love your car. It's beautiful. That's all I can do because they didn't ask. As a matter of fact, in that case, they probably know. Of course. They probably know I think they're stupid. So I don't even have to say it. But, yeah, I just don't answer questions that aren't asked.

What a gift. No, it's hard. It's so hard. It's so hard. But that's the thing here. You're answering a question that hasn't been asked. Now, what you can do is you can always talk about you say you know i got my example i got my stimulus check and here's you know the government senate and you know i didn't

feel right about it because i'm not hurting and and so i found a family that was hurting and i gave it to them to help them you know and you know it really was a good feeling and uh and then if they pipe up and go yeah that's kind of cool you know maybe you ought to do, you know, it really was a good feeling. And then if they pipe up and go, yeah, that's kind of cool. Maybe you ought to do it. People learn by watching you way more than you talk to them. Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. My grandmother always told us. All right, Ava is on the line.

Ava's in. That's not Ava. There's Ava. She's in New Jersey. Hi, Ava. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Ava. Hi, Ava. She's in New Jersey. Hi, Ava. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Ava. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Dr. Deloney. Thanks for taking my call. You bet. How can we help? So I am 33 years old. I live with my mother. I pay rent, bills, food. And there's just a lot of negative pressure living at home as an adult child.

Over the past three months, I've paid off about $10,000 to $11,000 in credit card debt, thanks to Dave and your teachings. I'm currently tackling $200,000 in law school debt. What do you make? Oh, yes. I make $150,000. Oh, good. Okay. Yes. I make $150,000. Oh, good. So right now I'm trying to decide, do I continue to live with her for cheaper rents and put more towards my loans? Or do I move out and pay more for rent, less on the loans, but kind of save my mental health and sanity?

What does negative pressure mean? Give me some examples of that. So not a lot of support. Everything I do is bad, not good enough. There's just a lot of like... Oh, from her? From her, yes. You didn't do this right.

You should have done this. You know, stuff like that. You're moving. It's just a matter of when. Move out. How quick can you be gone? Okay. A couple months. I have like 10, like 10 000 saved yeah let's do it bye felicia move out you're gone this is the dave ramsey show For most of us, health care costs seem to increase every year,

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and it's shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olszewskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. chministries.org. All right, John, from a mental health professional's viewpoint, something, you know, Papa Dave's viewpoint, just years of observing humans, not mental health professional, something happens when an adult leaves their parents home in their development in their the sense of they have to do it now or it's not going to get done uh they they go out the the

safety net has been removed you got to walk the tightrope. Just buying your own groceries, paying your own electric bill. I observed, particularly in their early 20s, mid-20s, the number of times they were staying at home because it was cheaper and they could pay off their debt faster. And they called me, expected me to say, no, stay home and pay off your debt faster. And I go, no, pay off your debt slower because your income is going to go up because you're going to become like a whole person because there's a piece of you missing that hasn't experienced life yet when you leave mommy and daddy's home. There's something that happens there.

You stand taller, you walk taller, and you gain a confidence that you didn't have before. We've seen that, the arc on the self-esteem movement that has just gone up in smoke where everybody gets a trophy. And the science tells us that you get confidence by being successful, not by somebody telling you you're great. Those are two different things. And so somebody walks you all the way through and they help you get that degree. And then they say, come on home and move in and we'll help you pay off the debt and yeah you still walk a little bit lower and you stand taller you feel more confident with your boss you get better you do work better and yeah it snowballs on you my contention is and i can't prove this with research

because i've not done any but it's just anecdotally looking at it my contention is is that they will make more money. I don't see any reason to think otherwise. Because of that. Because they're walking with square shoulders, a little more poise. They're, you know, have entered the last step of adulthood. You just begin, your confidence goes, it goes everywhere with you. And so that last lady they call, 33 years old, still at home. So this is not us saying if you have hard times that you are a baby child if you move back home.

I'm not against safety nets. I'm against hammocks. Mom and dad, don't provide a hammock. Provide a safety net. But as quickly as you can, for their own good, push the little eaglet out so they can fly because they can't fly and an eagle who doesn't leave the nest quickly enough eventually becomes a turkey and i see parents who feel guilt i've seen this for years at university they feel guilt that they didn't pay for college they didn't have the cash to pay for college our kids now settle with student loan debt

and oh yeah so they say well come on home and that's their way of saving the kid $500 a month in rent. I get the heart of that. It's a good intention. Absolutely. It's well-intentioned, but you're having an unintended consequence in that they don't finish their emotional development. And it messes up this transition from kid to peer. This kid, the relationship changes, right?

When you get out of school, when you get out of graduate school, get out of law school get out of graduate school get out of law school there's just a different relationship with your children should be and it messes it up right it just it stunts it so your kid's going to be a professional here with professional expectations and they're still a high schooler here and it just the toggle back and forth messes everything up yeah you're still living in your childhood bedroom right which is just emotionally weird it's, you can't, the environment's rough. So what we're telling you is if you're listening to us and you're 24 or 25 years old and you're living at home in a toxic environment or a loving environment, I would go ahead and plan to get out.

Make an exit strategy. You don't have to leave in the next 30 days, but you don't need to be there because it's mathematically palatable, because probably you'll make more money and get out of debt faster where you'd leave and finish your growing up. And let's put the money, like put the money over. I think you're right. I think put the money over here, your relationship with your parents long-term, with your family long-term, with your work compadres long term, is going to be better. And there has to be a financial ROI on that.

I can't imagine it not being. If you intend to get married, you're more eligible when you're adulting than when you're living in your childhood bedroom. There's been very few romances started with, hey, my name is John and I live with my parents. Not a good line. At least it wasn't when I was dating years and years ago. Well, I mean, it is. I mean, and if the only time that the young lady has ever made an adult,

she leaves her father's house and into her husband's house and was never on her own in any stretch, it's a different dynamic in the marriage. Even if going away to college and you're living on your own is the thing, at least you're on your own. There's something about figuring out that you can figure it out. Yeah, there's a, I got a flat tire, what do I do now? That's a gift.

You know, instead of, oh, dad, the tire's flat. You know, it's just like, right, and that's the, whatever it is, that stuff comes up. So there's something to that. And this is an act of love. It is not some kind of, you know, Spartan transition to warrior or something. This is just like, you know, what is well intended, if it goes on too long, a few months is fine, but if it goes on too long, a few months is fine, but if it goes on too long, stunts your economic growth and your emotional development. Absolutely 100%.

Okay. I just want to see what you thought about that. And parents parenting out of a sense of guilt, of I should have had money, or if they are gone for good, I'm going to have to look at this guy that I've been married to for a long time. We're going to have to reconnect. So there's this guilt. There's this fear. Parents, everybody's in on it together.

Heath is with us. Heath's in Indiana. Hi, Heath. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, guys. Thanks for taking my call. Sure, man. What's up?

So my wife and I are about a month from having our six-month emergency fund in place. Great. Other than our house. My next question, well, I guess my question is we've kind of done some things out of order. So we're already contributing to 529 for my daughter, and I've been doing that for a few years now. We both put about 10% total into our retirement funds, which I know we need to up to the 15. Good.

So then my question is, once we do that on our house that we are in right now, we know we don't want to be in any longer than probably five to seven years. Do we set the money aside into an investment fund rather than pay down this mortgage? No. Okay. Just pay it down. You're saving the interest rate on your mortgage. That's how much you're making as your return on investment.

You're trapping the money so it doesn't accidentally get redirected to something other than real estate. And it's not spending the money. You get the money back when you sell the house. So it's like a forced savings plan at a 4% interest rate or whatever your mortgage rate is. And if you just decided one morning to go get a bass boat, you can't do it because you have to go get a mortgage because you paid it all into the mortgage. But if the money's all just sitting somewhere in an investment,

you could just call up the investment company and go buy a bass boat. Oop, I just got off my plan. Not against you getting a bass boat, but I am against you getting a bass boat with the money you are trying to save for the next house. That would be not what you plan to do. So I'm trying to keep your mem pulsing. But yeah,

pay off the house. Pay off the house. Even if you're not going to stay. Because you've got it there for sure. You're locked into that. Our question of the day is from blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Even if you mismeasure, you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your window blinds for free. Free samples, free shipping. Always use the promo code Ramsey. Leslie is in Arizona. I'm responsible for a minor. She's receiving money from a trust. I was thinking about setting up a transfer to minor act. She's receiving money from a trust. I was thinking about setting up a transfer to minor act.

She's now 14. I'd like the money to grow for her. But if something should arise and she need it, I would need to be able to access it. What are your thoughts? Or do you have any suggestions of going a different route? I mean, you don't have to set it up in a trust. You can just put it into a mutual fund in your name, for that matter. And because you're the guardian, you're in charge charge of these funds you're taking care of this child you're

not going to embezzle this and misuse it uh and if the child needs it and you need to pull it out for the child that's fine if the child doesn't need it and you give it to them when they turn 21 or 24 when they graduate or 22 when they graduate from college whatever you're just fine you're not doing anything wrong. You're not required to set this morally or legally into a trust, and I wouldn't. You're creating problems for yourself. Just do the right thing, and you don't need to worry about all this.

Take care of this child with this money. That's what the money's for. It's not for your new car. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. You may feel like there's not a lot you can control these days, but I'm here to tell you, you can control your budget and you can control what you feed your family. My longtime friends at eMeals are here to help. They have simplified meal plans and created new recipe collections such as easy pantry meals and freezer meals utilizing basic ingredients.

It has never been easier to shop smarter and stay on a budget. Try it free for two full weeks at eMeals.com. thanks for joining us america dr john deloney joins us as my co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show. Ramsey, personality and answering your questions on the mental health side of the equation, the relational IQ, which when it comes right down to it, nobody thinks they need mental health things fixed, but we all know we have a relational IQ problem. Every one of us could do better on how we treat each other, right? And our employees and our friends and ourselves, everybody.

And your boss. I treat you pretty well, Dave. I think I treat you pretty well. Well, it's working so far. So far. All right. Hey, we promised you guys tools and resources this month that would bring you some hope, and we decided to kick off our famous $10 sale a little early this year.

All of our 40 best-selling books and audio books, e-books, envelopes, $10 each. The audio books are $3.99, and so the best-selling books by all the Ramsey personalities, all of them, including Debt-Free Degree from Anthony O'Neill, number one bestseller, proximity principle, number one bestseller by Ken Coleman, all $10 at DaveRamsey.com slash hope. You can also learn about the 14-day free trial for Financial Peace University there. I want you to go to DaveRamsey.com too there dr john is uh starting to post some things there got a great article there featured at dave ramsey.com dealing with the disappointment of canceled plans you and i talked about this um in a different light about four or five weeks ago, it's, when people have real problems, like losing their job,

and they're, you know, they're struggling literally to put food on the table, it is hard for some people, and I'll just say me, to grieve not getting to go on that vacation i was promised you know i was supposed to be in turks and cacos and i was pretty pissed about not getting to go to turks and cacos okay stuck sickness to this you know but you know but it's it's it's really feels inside of me uncool to be whining about that when there's people that got real problems you know it's like first world problem right shut up no that's like a one percenter problem so really shut up you little whiner and that's what goes through my head and yet it is really good what you're suggesting is with this disappointment this article on disappointment of canceled plans is it's actually valid for me to to grieve not getting to go on that trip I was excited about. One of the worst things we've done as a society is to set up grief comparisons that my grief is more important than yours.

And we use it two ways. Shaming each other. And ourselves. Yeah. I'm talking about shaming myself, but other people would shame me. I'll get hate mail for what I just did right here. That's right. And someone else is going to send you hate mail because they think it's going to make themselves feel better, and it's not.

And so when I think, man, for the first time, Easter means so much to my wife. It's their big family vacation. It's when people come all in. We celebrated Easter by ourselves this year alone as a family. We've never done that. And so when we're setting up this weird Zoom-y thing and we're hiding Easter eggs for just us, I think, yeah, but somebody's sick right now. Here's the thing.

That doesn't make them any better. There's not a sum zero of grief that I took from them, right? It's not going to make them better. And it's not going to make my loss go away. So the only thing you can do with grief, no matter how big, small, whatever, don't compare it. It's to acknowledge it. Acknowledge it. Don't compare it. And don't compare it. It doesn't solve anything. And if you have somebody pass away in your life and somebody else is only sick, it's not going to make your loss any better to shame them for being upset too. All pain is, is a signal for something you loved loved all pain is something for a symbol is a

symbol that you had something that mattered to you let that be okay and just acknowledge your grief however big small well it doesn't matter yeah it just sounds it feels lacking in humility to grieve something like i totaled my maserati you know it's like that hurts you know i mean no but i mean it's like you know that happened a few years ago i actually did do that but um you know i mean the uh uh you know but that's like how what a pompous butt so you know thanks to themselves what other people would have been just happy to have a nice car and you know and but i'm and i like that car i was upset about it getting totaled that's that's a lot of money that's right that's so it's okay to

grieve it's a it's not okay to rub your own nose in it or to somebody else's nose in it yeah it doesn't solve anything yeah and don't expect everybody else to understand your thing right and maybe don't put it out there right maybe don't put it out there have a community that's the third and that's super important thing about grief is you have to work it out with other people and you cannot grieve by yourself it's got to be done with other people and so maybe you've got some other guys in your life that have maseratis that will hurt with you if you call me i'm probably i'm gonna get so much hate for this i'm just gonna twitter's gonna wear me out for four days for this but because you it really is the ultimate in whining.

But I get that. I understand it's pompous and kind of pompous. But the point is I really like drawing that out that it's – Everybody grieves differently and it's okay. It's not okay to compare your grief to somebody else's for yourself or somebody else. It's a useless exercise. I can't look over there and go, well, you shouldn't be worried about that. I mean, other people got real problems.

I don't need to do that to somebody else, and then I don't need to do that inside my own head. Right. And that's part of what this article is about, dealing with the disappointment of canceled plans. So we may have just read the article to him. I don't know. But there's other good stuff in there? Okay. All right.

Good stuff. Good stuff. And John's put some uh videos out on youtube this youtube channel has lost its mind yeah yeah it's it's uh it's john john deloney at john deloney it's dr john deloney or john it's john deloney okay i couldn't believe how many people are just tuning in yeah well i mean they need the help. School and oil. How much media consumption is too much? Any? All of it. All of it. Allie is with us in Minnesota.

Allie, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it. Sure. Your question for Dr. John. So, yeah. I have had basically a food addiction for 14 years since my early teens.

I know it's an addictive pattern where I overeat or I'm at work and I think about this fast food place I'm going to drive by on my way home or I'm at the grocery store and I pass by candy and it's all I can think about and I try to be strong and then I go to leave and I just grab bags and I hide it from my husband. I've had periods of success with it where I feel better and I just grab, you know, bags and I hide it from my husband. Um, I've had periods of success with it where I feel better and I'm eating healthy and I've lost weight. And my spouse has always been so supportive of me and encouraging. Um, and I'm the nerd in the family,

you know, I make the budget and we have a pretty tight budget. Um, but, uh, I, I just justify it in the moment or I just ignore it. Like this ruining our budget because it happens so many times a week or grocery trips or whatever. And I kind of just ignore it. I'm like, I'll fix it later. But it obviously sabotages it. So I'm just wondering if you have any tips for long term how I can overcome this, that it's sabotaging our budget. I feel just guilt all the time. So just wondering if you had any advice on that.

Where does this come from? Does this run in your family? Did you have a traumatic event in your childhood? No, no. I mean, my family was kind of snackers. And I mean, I was kind of made fun of growing up just because I was a little bit heavier. But nothing really traumatic from my childhood. Okay. So you can – there's a couple of different things here.

So number one, I want to – if you were with me, I would hug you for a couple different reasons. Number one, I love you and I'm glad that you called. And I know this is a hard phone call to make. Number two, I have a regular shame session with my wife when she is doing the laundry and I've got candy wrappers shoved in my pockets. I do health for a living, right? How about this? I'm going to put you on hold and then we're going to catch you after the break um because this is a this is an important question i know many many people across the country have um thank you so much yeah we'll be right back with you hang with us dr john deloney ramsey personality co-hosting with me today on the dave ramsey show ¶¶ Please hear me loud and clear. The government is not going to bail you out of your student loans,

at least not completely and not without a catch. What they're talking about only impacts federal, not private loans, and you need to take responsibility for what you owe and pay your debt down quicker. Right now, Splash Financial is offering their lowest rates ever. With lower rates and extra payments, you could just find yourself debt-free in the next five years. Visit splashfinancial.com slash Ramsey to see if you qualify. all right we're talking with ali in minnesota uh john give us a quick summary what we know so far so ali you've been struggling ever since you were in high school. You had some folks that kind of got on to you a little bit,

always felt like you were a little bit heavier than the rest, and you've just struggled to wrestle with your eating ever since then. And then you get caught in the shame cycle, you get caught in the financial cycle, and you wreck the budget, and it just piles and piles and piles. Is that about right? Yeah, that's right. Okay. So here's a, here's a couple of things that was talking about. Number one, I just wanted to high five you cause I'm in this with you. Um, and I've got experiences in my family and my whole life. And so I'm speaking from my own as though we're on the same side of the booth here. Um, food is comfortable, right?

It just feels all right. And I want everyone listening to this to know that it's the same chemistry that you can hide or, um, deal with uncertainty, deal with lack of, um, love for what you see in the mirror. It's all the same pathology. Addiction is addiction is addiction. And so people do the same thing with sex. They do it with drinking.

They do it with food. It's this comfort. It's it's this i'm not enough i'm in a situation i'm uncomfortable and i can make this feel better right this second and i'm gonna deal with it again and some people get obsessed about food the other way right they that's their way of that's their way of finding control is they get obsessive about not eating certain things or you can go on the internet blogs and find those who are having the keto wars and whatever it may be. But it all comes back to this idea of comfort and this idea of I'm not valuable. And so here's the the I'd love to hear about Dave's personal experience, too. But, Ali, here's what I'm going to tell you.

Number one, this is a good first step of really surrendering to it. The reality is there's going to be a shame spin cycle that you're going to wrestle with the rest of your life until you get a community around you, whether that's a traditional plan like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or I think it's Noom that's out, has a lot of success to it, but getting with a group of people and saying, this is bigger than me and I need help. Number two, I often find people, myself included, who run from shame instead of towards who and what they want to be. And so they're tired of feeling gross. They're tired of feeling embarrassed versus I'm worth being healthy and I'm worth showing up for my family whole. And when I eat well, my head's clear and I sleep better and I'm a better wife. I'm a better mom. I'm a better brother. I'm a better husband. And so you are worth going towards something, not just always running away from something.

What's your experience been with this, Dave? You know, we were talking about this with some of our team last night. A lady asked me, we have a thing after being here 90 days, you sit and ask me questions for a couple hours, and I just tell stories. And one of the ladies was asking why we use personalities, Ramsey personalities, why don't we just put out the content? And I was telling her, content doesn't change people's lives. People change people's lives. And so anytime I have successfully transformed something inside Dave Ramsey that needed to transform,

it was with human beings around me helping me to do that. And knowledge. Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, Romans 12 says. So the renewing of your mind is more than just content. It's more than just content. It's more than just facts. Raw facts you already know. You already know the facts.

But you need humans around your group for encouragement, for accountability, to bust you, to call you out. To hold your arms up in the desert. All of it. And to give you the hug when you're hurting. And you also need someone that's speaking, speaking this truth over you, lifting you up. And I think that's true anytime. That's what we do so well in the money space with Financial

Peace University. Financial Peace University is, you know, we found out personal finance is 80% behavior. It's only 20% head knowledge. So the reason that we have gotten people out of debt where other people talk about it is the power of the Chris Hogan personality or the Rachel Cruz personality or the Dave Ramsey personality. And you know I'm going to bust you because I love you. And you know I'm going to make you do it. And, yeah, I'm going to tell you when it's stupid. You're going to get the truth because nothing else will set you free and so you got to have some people like that around you to do

any kind of transformation that's just um you know uh and that's why church works you know full of imperfect people there's hypocrites over there there's people over there that are toxic but there's people over there that are toxic but there's people over there that are good people and people that love people and they mean well even if sometimes they're dumb about how they do church but church works because that pastor stands up there and speaks and it you know it's different than just reading that's it i've i've never seen somebody do something on their own without treating one pathology for another. Right?

So I've seen people by themselves say, I'm going to kick this, and they get P90X or whatever the thing is, and they start working out, and they get crazy, and all they've done is trade one insecurity for another. Now it's all about healing. Right. They're not healed. They're just training one that might be temporarily healthier. Right? And then they move to the next one, the next one, the next one. You've got to surrender.

And that's what this is. It's just a humility saying this is bigger than me, man. I'm surrendering the fact that I cannot do this by myself. Twelve steppers. I'm not God. He is. You know, I'm powerless. I'm powerless. This is the first step. That's right. So Ali made her first step today. I want to high-five you that's a hard phone call to make um and now it's setting up a ring of people around her um that's going to support her and walk alongside her she she gets to the bottom of this is there uh one of the uh is there an eaters anonymous or uh I don't know what you would call I don't know I again I know the pay plans um okay I'm hearing this noom as an electronic it

sounds like an electronic weight watchers of sorts but okay um like an app right okay but food food is our i mean you're talking we could do a whole show on that but we are tapping into a part of our brain overeaters anonymous okay overage knobs okay um we are tapping into a part of our brain that is designed to seek these comforts, and goodness gracious, goodness gracious, it is tough when there's a fast food joint in every corner. That's hacking our biology right there. Got to get people in your corner. Kinnear is with us in Delaware.

Hi, Kinnear, how are you? Hi, how are you doing? Great. How can we help? So I just have a question. I live at home still, and I'm in a single-parent family household, and I'm trying to work out balancing helping and supporting my mother, but not financially. However, at the same time, support myself and get myself to a point where I'm debt free. So my question is, right now, I believe like my mother, she's not doing, I guess, the best financially. I think it's really like an income problem, but I'm supporting her in a lot of different ways with certain bills,

and it's very hard for me to be able to become debt-free because I'm helping my mother. How old is she? She is in her early 60s. Okay. And how old are you? I'm in my mid-20s, 26. How did you end up in this arrangement? Did you go to college and come home and just move in? No, I mean, I grew up with my mother in a single-parent home,

so I did go to college and don't have any college debt, which is great, but I've always been here, so never had a chance to move out the other way or anything like that. Just been in a single-parent family household. So you have a child? No, he's the single parent. Oh, she is the single parent. Oh.

Yeah, I'm of the single parent. So if you moved out today, what would she do for groceries and rent? Well, the good thing is the house is paid off. Does she work? Yeah, she works. Okay. Sounds like you guys need to sit down and make a plan and let her know that, hey, I'm interested in moving and getting my own place.

Is there cultural pressure to stay home, or is this just a choice you were choosing to make? It's just a choice just to help my mother out. I don't think she needs your help. I'm not taking... Well, it's... I don't think you're helping her. Yeah. A while back, there was some sort of...

Yeah, back there, but now there's not. She works. She has a paid-for house. She can buy her lights and water. She's a grown lady. Yeah, I'm with John. You need to make a plan to be out of there within six months. And don't leave her high and dry, right?

Write it down. Six months, yeah. Let's have a plan. Let's talk about it. But let's identify the exit ramp. We're getting off at that exit. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. In the middle of these uncertain times, Ramsey Solutions wants to give you some hope.

For the very first time ever, we're giving you Financial Peace University free for 14 days. Go to DaveRamsey.com slash hope so you can watch from home.