The Ramsey Show - App - Don’t Get Sucked Into the Negative News Cycle! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Dr. John Delony & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss:   "Should I pull from my retirement and pay off my vehicles?", Americans are feeling worse about their money, "Leaving a pension to make more money elsewhere", from the blog: Why a 401(k) Is Better Than a Pension Plan, "I don't feel comfortable combining finances" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do the work they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Give us a buzz at 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Jade Warshaw, and we have set this place on fire, and we are taking your calls on money, life, your mental health, your marriage,

whatever's going on, we got you. 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Eric in Long Island, New York. What's up, Eric? Hey, John. How are you? Hey, Jade. Happy Valentine's Day.

What's going on? How you doing? We're doing great, my man. What's happening? So I have a question, okay? I'm retired. I'm 53 years old. My wife is 55.

She still works. I make about $100,000 being retired, and she makes about close to the same, about $80,000, $85,000. So my whole life I've always saved, put money into my 401s and everything like that. Right now I've got like $ 1.5 million in there. She's got about a million, maybe a little bit more in hers. So between the two of us, we got close to $3 million in retirement funds. We have two kids. Our kids' colleges are,

you know, we saved up enough money for that. I got about $100,000 in the bank right now. I have two houses with mortgages, and I have three cars with car payment. Fortunately for me, I can withdraw from my 401. It's really not a 401, but similar. What is it? It's a 457 without penalty. So you don't have to be a certain age? Nope. I had to be 50 when I retired. You are the poorest wealthy man I've spoken to in a long time.

Okay. Yes. I love that statement. to in a long time. Okay. Yes. So, uh, my problem is that I got three car payments that are kind of killing me, you know? Why? Why would you do this to yourself? You're too smart. You're a multi-millionaire. Yeah, the problem is not your car

payments. The problem is you keep choosing debt when you don't have to. Why do you have two houses? Well, one's a rental. It's a positive thing. No, no, it's not. It's taking your soul from you.

Well, I mean, it does pay for itself and then some. So I do make something off of it. It's not like it's costing me any money i just manage it uh so it but it makes me about 1500 a month i mean after all said and done you're saying it's not costing you anything but you're calling in this show i promise it's costing you something something okay let's talk let's talk we we beat you up enough. Let's talk a little bit. No, I love you, Eric, because you're so good.

You know what you are, Eric? You're America in all the best ways. You have made it. You've done so great. Clearly you're excellent at your trade. You're excellent at managing money. And then you do the dumbest stuff

right on top of it and it's like oh man oh man okay you you have too much bottom line i'm just gonna shoot you straight you make too much money you have too much of a net worth to to have this much debt and to to be treating your money this way so let's change it it. Let's change it. You guys have got, like you said, almost $3 million in your retirement. I heard you say you had $100,000 saved, just liquid? Yes, we got $100,000 saved. Well, it's probably more than that right now. Probably like $130,000 or something like that. And I got and i got another 300 saved for just my two kids college okay and that's the college okay they're they're in college so that's that's kind of going quickly both of them are in college right now and that's kind of going quickly but let's talk about these

three cars how much are go through each of them and tell me what you owe on each of the three. I owe, well, one we just bought was my wife's car, and I owe about $48 on it. I'm curtailing my feelings right now, big time. I need you to know it. Keep going. $48, you just bought it this year. Keep going. The other one is my daughter's, but they both use it. I only have one car, and I owe about 20 on that. And then my truck that I drive, I owe about 35.

I'm sorry. Can you go back to the daughters? Are they paid for? You said they both use it? They both use it. Yeah, they both use it. I only got one car for them, and they switch on and off. Is that the $20,000 one?

Yes. Got it. Okay, that's for the girls. Okay. So you have cash right now to pay all these off today. Why would you not? Well, that was my question. I wanted to just take...

I didn't want to touch my... That, to me, is like my emergency fund and that $100,000. I didn't want to touch my, that to me is like my emergency fund and that $100,000. I didn't want to touch that. Well, you do need an emergency fund, but you only need three to six months. No, no, I get it. But being that, so my question to you guys is, being that I can withdraw from my retirement fund, would it be easier just to take the $100,000 out, pay the cars off, be done with them,

I have no credit card bills, and just live my life that way? Leave your retirement... If you cash out your retirement right now, you are locking in... Losses. A crazy down market. Oh, God.

Why would you do that? You'd have to take out $100,000. I know, but when am I going to be able to use that money? I mean, when I'm 70 years old and sitting in a wheelchair and stalking cars through a store? You know what? I actually think that's a great question that we need to spend more time on. I think there is an absolute conversation to be had around waiting until we have all this money at the end.

I get you. But you have $120,000 in cash. Here's the thing. Here's what I truly, truly think that you need to do, Eric. I want you to pay these cars off, and I want you to i want you to pay these cars off and i want you to feel it and when you pull it from your savings you are going to feel it if you pull it from a a million dollar fund that you have you're not going to feel it and you're going to go whoop that was easy and then i'm going to see you at the dealership again next year buying a 2024 car and i'm going

to be angry with you like i am right now. I want you to feel the pain of this and go, dang it. I am never going to do that again. That was so stupid. Because here's the thing. You got to feel it. And I want you to stop this behavior. And I want you to stop it right now. Now that 48K vehicle, I know it was a brand new car. Pay it off. Keep it and pay it off. You got a million dollar net worth. I'm not telling you to sell anything. Keep three to six months of savings, pay off the cars and get out of debt for good.

For good. And yes, have the conversation about, hey, what do we want to do with this money? As like, we want to go on vacations. We want to pay off this rental home that we're one weird policy in New York now that y'all have ever had weird government policies in New York from not being able to have renters or we have to kick them out or they can't charge we can't charge rent anymore whatever it's coming pay your thing

off man pay your house off you have too much net worth to have this much debt pay it off man pay and be free this is the Ramsey show we'll be right back hey we got this article um gosh it's just a couple days ago off of Yahoo Finance. Inflation's taken quite a toll. We know that half of Americans say their personal financial situations are worse now than they were a year ago, more than any time since the Great Recession. But there's something deeper. According to a Gallup survey released Wednesday, which asked a thousand adults across the U.S. about their past and future finances, not only is this the first time since 2008, 2009, that at least 50% of Americans report feeling worse off financially than they were a year ago. It's the only time aside from those two years that that many have responded negatively since they started asking questions in 1976.

Wow. And while economists are still torn on whether we're heading towards a recession and the unemployment rate stands at a 53-year low, I just want to put that in context. When you're having a debate, when academics, and I don't say that pejoratively, that's my background. When thinkers are saying, well, is it a recession or is it not? That means things haven't fallen off a cliff. That means things are tough. Things are messy. Things are not as we want them to be. But it's not 2008 and 2009. And it doesn't take a financial expert. We've got rising interest rates, right? Then we've got the fed jacking with things and prospective home buyers

have been driven from the market credit card debt is more expensive public layoffs at high profile companies like so here's what i'm hearing jade there's a ton of media messages screaming at everybody telling them that this is the end of time yep and it's just not the end of time in fact if you keep saying it enough you will run this sucker into the ditch and make not the end of time. In fact, if you keep saying it enough, we will run this sucker into the ditch and make it the end of time. You're reading my mind right now. Gotta stop.

I'm gonna take a page out of your playbook. Turn the news off. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off because my guy, John, is exactly right. It's playing into your mindset. If you hear that over and over and over, doom and gloom, doom and gloom, we can't get ahead, inflation, it's driving up our grocery prices, da-da-da-da.

And I'm not saying that people aren't feeling a pinch and that people aren't struggling. I'm not saying that, but there's a difference between just wallowing in that daily because you start to succumb to to fearful practice and you start doing things like taking out helocs and and thinking oh the only way i'm gonna get a car is to to get a you know i have to pay this 17 you know 717 a month it's the only way because car prices are you know and you start doing the dumb stuff that goes along with all of that when it's like okay let me just let me take a break here yeah and like pull back and go okay i can't solve inflation i can't solve what's going on at the white house i can't solve the job market but me is a problem i can solve yep right you was a problem you can solve that's right and no amount hear me say this no amount

of watching the news is going to bring down the price of eggs no amount of watching the news in doom scrolling is going to bring down the prices of gas and so i can go to the grocery store and listen you know we had to cut out my house i hate to even say it bacon you know what I love more than most things in the world bacon but it's 111 dollars a package now so I stopped and the moment we like my wife said hey bacon's so expensive I was like let's just cut it out man and what's wrong with that but but here's the deal once I made that choice any second I spend thinking about it whining about it complaining about it watching the news about it is a choice to be miserable. It's a choice to be.

I love that. I just said, hey, let's just cut it out. It's too expensive right now. I'm then going on about my day. I'm not going to give some media company the opportunity to make me miserable. Does that make sense? I'm giving you a slow clap. I'm done with it.

Because I said the same thing the other day. You go into the grocery store, you see the price eggs and and you want to go on social media you want to tell everybody you know oh my gosh the price of eggs was you want to freak out about it buy a bagel can you just buy a bagel yes can you get some cereal yes that's all i'm saying and please don't mishear me i've got 10 chickens get chickens don't mishear me there is there's a single mom that is crying every night that's right she can't breathe but the majority there is a vast majority of us we just like to get on the bandwagon of crazy town like whatever the news is talking about you're just texting your buddy you're sending fox news links i love

fox news by the way but you're sending fox news links i love fox news by the way but you're sending fox news links to everyone you know the worst possible stories and they found another china balloon they found another you know what does that mean go buy gold you're like going bananas yeah and all you're doing is disconnecting yourself from your family your community your friends and here's the worst part we're not solving the problems what if you just opened up your budget and went okay deep breath we're we're over 300 where can we find it okay maybe you know suzy is is taking piano lessons bass guitar lessons jujitsu lesson maybe we can cut out one of those for now okay we're spending this much on groceries what can we do maybe we can cut out one of those for now. Okay, we're spending this much on groceries. What can we do? Maybe we can start buying some bagels.

Maybe we can cool it out. Or maybe I can pick up a little bit of extra hours. That's right. We had this plan for 2023. We were going to spend more time together. Life threw us a curveball. And so I'm going to have to go pick up another Uber shift for a season. That's right.

We're going to have to stop buying this thing that we love. We're going to have to punt that vacation. Let's go ahead and tell our parents now that we're not coming into the summer for that trip because we can't afford it. We're going to have to, we were going to buy a house. We wanted to buy a house this August so bad. It hurts. It's not going to happen. Let's just sit in that sadness. Let's be brokenhearted together. Let's go for a long walk together. Let's figure it out. And then we're going to see what it looks like around Christmas and next year. That's right. Any choice other than those choices is a choice to be miserable. Stop doing that to ourselves.

So good, John. Key word that you said, it's a season. Yeah. And it's a season. If anybody listening is like, maybe you're not the one that's like, just loves, some people just love drama. Can we just say that? Maybe you're not the one that loves drama.

If you're really going through it, just hear us say, it's a season. It's a season and you'll get through this. I promise you, if you just take a clear head, sit down and look at the controllables and control your controllables, you will get through this. I promise you that. And reach out to folks when you need the help. Reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out. That's the other thing I got and we'll move on because i can talk about this all day i could too the more that we are pumping this into our heads into our eyes and our ears about how awful everything is it's a natural psychological tendency i start to my gaze goes to my own belly button how can i protect me and mine and when your body feels like it's scared it quickly it's instantly

it's a protective measure but it divides the world up between us's and them's and I miss that single mom who can't breathe who's trying to figure out how to buy groceries because I'm too busy thinking it's all coming down instead of keeping my eyes up and looking at people in my neighborhood in my community in my grocery line that I can reach in there and say, I got you, ma'am. I got you. And that's what neighbors do. That's what communities do. And the more we're like, everything's on fire, it takes a very special person to override your psychology and look around for others in the midst of a fire, right? So turn the news off, turn the mess off, get the news you need and get out. Right. Get in. Get out.

John, what you said is so good. If you're listening to this, because some people are kind of flying above the storm right now. And if that's you, that's a great place to be. We all should aspire to that. When 2008 comes, when COVID comes, man, I hear Dave say it all the time. What a great place to be when you're just a spectator. Right. And if you're listening to this show and you're a spectator, buy somebody's groceries tonight.

Yeah. On the way home, look at somebody who's trying to fill up with gas and they're looking through their purse for coins and just put your debit card in and get it. And ask no questions. And don't look at them all weird. Just put your card in and walk away. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. That's right. Stop looking at your own belly button and start looking up around at your neighbors, man. And you're going to find a whole different take on this.

It's all coming down. You know, I was reading a book the other day and it said, history doesn't repeat itself. People do. So history is this other thing that's operating? I mean, we're the ones that drives it, right? So in a time like this, I'm like, people, what does it say? Americans are feeling worse about their money since the Great Recession.

Okay. Stop doing the dumb things that people did during the Great Recession. Don't do it again. Don't be the people who repeat themselves. That makes history repeat itself. You know what I'm saying? Yep. Do something different. Hey, you know what? That's the magic mental health moment. If it's not working, stop doing that thing. Do something different. Do something different. We see how this has played out before. Let's just do something different. Let's stop choosing misery. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Teksting av Nicolai Winther This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Ian in Columbus, Ohio. What's up, Ian? Hi, Jake and John. How are you guys doing? We're partying, Ohio. What's up, Ian? Hi, Jake and John. How are you guys doing there?

We're partying, dude. What's up? So I'm a firefighter right now. Have a pension, 22 years so I can retire. I just kind of got going. It's pension. I still pay Social Security. And then I have TSP as my investing option in that. And I

also have the opportunity that it presented itself to make a lot more income also as a firefighter, but no pension of my option there. It'd be just a 401k only. Okay. So there's a pretty substantial difference in the pay and the hours. So currently I work 144 hours of pay period. So 48 hours one week to 96 hours the second week. And I do not get overtime until 53 hours a week. Okay. And I make about $17 an hour. Okay.

So I bring home, I've been putting about $400 a check into my Roth. So I bring home about $2,000 of pay. You make $17 an hour as a fireman? Yes, sir. And that's just with the raise. I do it part-time elsewhere. I make about $12. Oh, gosh.

Okay. Okay. Hold on. I know John has mad questions. Come on, John. I just was driving this morning. Every Tuesday morning, me and my son go eat at Waffle House for breakfast together. And there was a sign at McDonald's that said like 20 bucks an hour.

Yeah. I used to work private transport. I was an EMT. I made about in the mid-20s. About five years ago when I started, I only made about 11. So for whatever this is there's been a big increase with COVID and the demand for that job. So you are really your this is your heart your heart is just to serve your community. So I also get a good bit

of money from the military as well I am a service-connected veteran so I get about 46,000 a year from that so I don't really need to work this is just what I enjoy doing so what about job two so you just kind of gave me the layout on job one with the pension you know the job job two is 36 hours a week I have the option to work 48 every other week 48 hours with an extra shift but it's not mandatory and it starts out at 45 an hour yes wow yeah do it for many reasons you get your life back brother for multiple reasons yeah it's about 110 000 a year base salary bye felicia bye easy and and let's for the people listening let's explain why a you're making more money for less hours so there's that that's easy easy math easy

money um it's still in a field that you love i mean you're still being a firefighter right yes okay do you have to move or anything it's it's actually closer to home hey come on so that's reason number two and reason number three i like you in a 401k better than i like you in a pension yeah i think the pension may be eighteen hundred dollars a month by the time i get to use it are you able to transfer the current pension funds into your 401k can you do like a direct transfer to move that over uh i don't know i so i'm federal right now and the job the alternative job is federal contractor so it's it's different i know i can

i can access the money i'm putting into the pension i just don't know what i'm allowed to do with it i would just check around and find out if you're able to move that over only just because pension money you know a 401k is more stable i've only been full-time with a pension since October. Okay, so there's not much in it. Yeah, I was part-time for a year beforehand trying to get full-time. And Ian, let me give you, here's my matrix for this type of job. I've done the exact thing. I went from working for a government position to a private position to now,

I'm a YouTuber for God's sake. So I've made that move. But let me tell you the matrix I use and actually learned it by running around with policemen and firefighters doing crisis response. Okay. It's I hold in one hand, this could go sideways in a, in a wild, crazy way. And you above all people would know that. Right i hold in my other hand but it probably won't and so i always want to have a if it does and this is just me right this is just my dad's a homicide detective it can all go down any moment i know that and so i want to make sure i've got

something you will not have a problem finding another 12 an hour job for God's sakes. And on behalf of taxpayers who are not first responders, I'm embarrassed for all of us and I'm sorry that we have told you that's what you're worth. It's a shameful moment in our history. With the owls, I make about $80,000. Well, that's because

you're working yourself to death. You're killing yourself. I work two days on, three days off. The schedule's not as terrible as it sounds, but I have a young child. It's still not fair that that's all you're getting paid. I love that you're a hard worker, but yeah. So here's another kind of wrench out of this. So the alternative job that I'm considering, they're a plant.

I don't want to say what they do exactly, but they're a big plant and they have numerous jobs. I took an entry level job there a couple of years ago and worked there trying to get on at the fire department because it is union. So my goal was to transition and they told me no spots would be open for several years. So I took that job for the job I'm at currently. So I'm going back. So I've worked there before, and the environment is a little toxic, to say the least, especially in that part of the fire department. I've heard, I haven't witnessed it, but I've heard it's a risk environment for mental health.

Okay, so here's what I want you to ask. You're fine financially. You're fine, unless you go do a bunch of dumb stuff and borrow a bunch of money that you can't pay back. And please don't be like my buddies who get out of the military and go buy jacked up Jeeps. Like if you take care of your money, um,

do you have a jacked up Jeep? Please tell me now. No, I got a big truck. I know you would. Okay. So, so unless you're just make a bunch of goofball decisions with your money,

you're going to be fine. You got money coming in from a couple of places. And you're young, you can work. I want you to ask the question with you and your wife about the quality of your life and what kind of life do you want to live moving forward. You've put your neck on the line for me and my family for long enough, and it's time for you and your wife to sit down and say, what kind of life do we want to build for ourselves and our little one and let's craft the job on the back end of that does that make sense and so if you want to make great money work 36 hours a week you've been in the military you know how to deal with a boss that's running his mouth

like that may not be toxic for you like you can you can brush your shoulders off and move on. I can be unhappy for 12 hours a day. Well, I mean, what's unhappy to some might not be, you might get there and be like, this is not bad guys. We're working in the air conditioning. For that money, I can put up with a lot. I can put up with more in the military for a lot less. That's what I mean. And you might say,

you know what, I like my schedule. I like being with the guys. I like two on like my schedule. I like being with the guys. I like two on, four off. I like that life. And it's wild. I got to work a lot. They're not paying me anything,

but I'm going to stay with it. Like that's, and you might quit all this and go work at a coffee shop for $17 an hour. But I want you and your wife to sit down and plan your life out. What kind of life

y'all want to have together? And then let's backfill it because you got a couple of opportunities professionally and you've got that fallback money from your military service. Well, I have a question for you, Ian. Where do you see yourself in the next five to 10 years? Like what's in game for you career wise? Or like what's like that big, you know, shiny beacon that's like, man, if I could get there or like, that's, this is what I'm gunning for.

I mean, right now it's just the pension was kind of just my thing was I just want to make sure that when my daughter is grown that I can make sure she's taken care of. I mean, I'm paying down my consumer debt. I don't have a whole lot relatively. Yeah. I just want to get that taken care of and take plenty of vacations and make memories. I love that. I love when the why is the child and the family. I love that. I just don't want you to work to make money, though. And I don't necessarily want you to work for other people. I want you to make sure that what you're doing is something that you, Ian, enjoys, that you get joy out of, that you get a sense of purpose from as well.

I think that it's all star that you're like, yes, my daughter, you know, but I would like John, I would challenge you to search a little bit deeper because I don't want you just hopping from thing to thing that makes this money and then this makes that money and that'll make me a little bit more money. I want you doing work that matters

because you enjoy it for a multiple array of reasons. Does that make sense? And I'll say this, Jade, that somewhere along the way, we were told a lie that a pension is the safest way to have money when you're older. And that's not true. And let me tell you this one more, one thing, Ian, you want your daughter to have security moving forward. That's awesome. The greatest sense of security she will ever have is knowing that her daddy loves her and is there for her. Start there, my brother. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Today's scripture of the day is Romansans 12 9 love should be shown without pretending hate evil and hold on to what is good the great and powerful jimmy hendrix says when the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. God, that guy's the best.

All right, let's go to Alexandra in San Diego. What's up, Alexandra? Hi, Dr. John. How's Jay? Thank you guys so much for what you do. Thank you so much for calling. What's up? Hi, so I just have a question about kind of like the mindset issue I'm having with combining

finances. So my husband and I have actually been together for a long time. We've been together for 12 years, married for seven, but we never joined our finances. You know, we were young and we just thought it was smarter to just keep it separate, to avoid any sort of issues. Everything was great for a while, but you know, the way I was raised is no matter how little you make, you always save, even if it's five, 10, $20 a paycheck. And the way he was raised was pretty much opposite. They had a lot of money. They blew through it. He didn't learn how to save. He just learned how to get into debt. So here we are, um, you know, uh, 11 years into being together, uh, we started having some issues with our marriage where he was just drinking a lot, spending a lot of money,

even behind my back, racked up credit cards, things like that. So then we came to a point about, um, a couple, maybe like seven, eight months ago to where we had a separation for a little bit. We thought we were done, but we're getting divorced. But you know, I guess God brought us back together. We talked it through. He decided to get sober on his own. Thank God. So it wasn't me telling him like an ultimatum or anything. So now we're at a point where I found Dave Ramsey and I've been watched everything. And I want to get to the point where we can kind of start fresh and kind of like almost like renew our vows and what we're going to, you know, have our finances be combined. But my biggest struggle is I've been trying to I don't have too much money saved. I only have about twenty five thousand dollars saved, but it's taken me a long time to get it to this point.

And I just feel like when I take on his debt, I feel like he committed a crime and I am having to serve the sentence for it. And I don't know how to get out of that mindset. So that's what I'm calling you for. So number one, thank you for being honest and brave. Okay. I'm grateful for you. Okay. It's been, y'all been through it-hmm. I know y'all are technically still married. You are not ready to be fully committed to doing this thing again yet. Here's why. Yeah, maybe. I'm telling you, you're not.

You want to go, you want to get back in the boat, but you want to keep one foot on shore because you're not fully trusting that he's all in. Or maybe you know that he's all in or it feels like he's all in, but your body is reminding you on a daily basis, hey, we've been through hell before. Why are you getting back in that boat? And the scary thing about loving somebody who struggles with any sort of addiction is that's the one time I might tell you to have your own account is if somebody is struggling with an addiction and they're draining your money.

And right. So that's a terrifying moment. And at the same time, I'm telling you, you cannot have a marriage that works longterm unless you go all in, unless you risk getting hurt again that's the only way marriage works and you look at that's what that's what the word vulnerability means i am giving you permission to hurt me please don't yeah and i think that's why we kept it separate for so long

because he could make all the mess he can want and it never affected me financially but it did it affected you in so many ways. It took your soul from you. It's true. It took everything from you. And by the way, if y'all are married and he dies, you can't be like, no, no, no, no, that's his side of the house. Take that half the couch. That's just how it works.

So you were living in a fantasy. You wanted the best part of being married. You loved being around that guy, but you didn't want to deal with the worst part is, this guy's not trustworthy and he's not safe. Right. And so here you are, you've got a moment, the deck is clear. You've got to decide, am I going to go all in? And if I do go all in, what are my parameters for going all in? And that is, I will not be in a situation where I'm ever scared again. And one of the things that scares me is not knowing how our money works, what you're spending

stuff on, where we're going to end up financially. Am I going to have to work when I'm 92 years old because my husband drank our money away or spent our money away, right? So it's a matter of, I won't be in a situation where I don't feel safe anymore. And if I don't know where the money is, I don't feel safe. Right. Yeah. And I guess I'm just scared of the future because who knows? I mean, as far as the last six months have been, he's been completely sober and doing so good. He's, you know,

he finally got on board with me with the whole Ramsey thing. And we're about to start that together, but you never know when, you know, if in a year he might do something behind my back or like start drinking again. Yeah, but that's all marriages. The great Esther Perel says the worst part about a marriage is every day is a risk. Every day. You've been married 70 years. You wake up and you're both 90 and I wake up and say, I love you.

Will you love me today? That's marriage. My wife can do something crazy in a year. I can do something crazy. Like that's life. That's it. I've got a close buddy of mine that was driving his family home from a family weekend, and their car rolled over a bunch of times.

They got out. He didn't. That's marriage. That's life. Yeah. I think I'm also emotionally attached to my money to where, like, I feel like I'm about to, you know, I've been saving for, like, almost 10 years to get to these, like, lousy $25,000.

I'm about to drain it to $1,000 just so he can pay off all of his stupid decisions. It's yours. It's yours. It's not his. As long as you use that language, then stay separated. When you're ready to say this is our money, because you can't expect him to join accounts with you,

but you're not joining with him on the other side of this thing. If you're in, you've got to be in. If you're in, it's his debt, and of this thing if you're in you got to be him then if you're in it's his debt and it's your debt it's y'all's debt okay well i think i'm gonna i think i'm i really want to be all in um but i guess you're right yeah i just have to just take the risk otherwise there's no other way jay tell me if i'm wrong here i can't think of another way of going all in than going all in. You've got $25,000. Call your own bluff. Yeah.

How much does he owe? Not too much, actually. About $11,000 on his car, $2,000 in credit cards left, and about $15,000 in student loans. Is he still actively creating debt? Like, is he in the face of you paying these things off? Is he going to go spend more on a credit card? He's been really good. Since he got sober and we had this whole conversation, he started doing Uber. So we both go to school, we both work full time,

but he also started doing the Uber and Lyft at the same time. So he's working 14-hour days, and he got his credit cards down from like $ 000 down to two and you know so he's helping he's busting it he's helping you're just afraid isn't the the drinking you're afraid he's going to go back to fall back into that or actually surprisingly not worried about him relapse relapsing i'm more this is about your money time this is alexander this hard time. This is about your money. It is. I'm just so attached to it because I worked so hard to earn it that I don't want to pretty much see it all go. Is it worth your marriage?

No, absolutely not. I got to say, I feel like we're talking a lot about him, but I feel like now it's you. Alexander, it's you. I feel like now you're, I hate to say it like this, but I feel like now it's you alexander it's you i feel like now you're i hate to say it like this but i feel like now the problem has shifted over to maybe now you're the problem y'all both are the problem but you both the solution you you've got to decide is this is holding your secret holding your little pacifier blankie that you feel like keeps you safe is worth your merit and if it is have the courage to look him in the eye and say, you're not worth $24,000. And be done with it.

Let him go. And otherwise say, I'm all in. I've been asking you to be all in. I'm looking at a changed man. You changed your entire life. He changed his friend circle. He changed the way his body copes with stress and rejection and fear.

He's working 17 jobs to pay his debts off why don't you join him and be all in because he sounds like he is now yeah i know it's totally worth it i'm definitely leaning towards that way it just it just sucks out the don't lean hey you can't lean you can't lean at the altar you jump you jump i go all in no one and no one no one here is saying it's easy here no no one here is saying it's easy hey you could call us back in three weeks and this could have ended terribly that's the risk that's what love is that's what marriage is that's what friendship is that's what work is it's all a risk you just gotta ask yourself is he worth that risk and more importantly are you worth that risk and I think the answer is yes

I do too I do too I think the answer is yes alright I want to thank Jade and all the guys in the booth whoop whoop Jade it's a good time

I feel like we're best friends now I was about to say I got a new best friend and I only have I have zero best friends so I've got one now perfect

that's fantastic and America I want to thank you for listening. Thanks for being with us. Be kind to one another. Take care of your money. Take care of your neighbors. We'll see you soon.

Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started on the Ramsey Baby Steps, go to ramsaysolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramsaysolutions.com and click Get Started.