The Ramsey Show - App - Don't Let Debt Be A Wedge In Your Relationship (Hour 3)

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show where we help people with their money, their work, and their relationships. I'm John Deloney, joined by my great friend Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls on just about everything. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Charlotte, North Carolina, and talk to Hannah.

What's up, Hannah? Where are you here? Right there. What's up, Hannah? Hi. Thanks for taking my call. Of course. Thanks for calling.

What's up? Yeah. Hi, thanks for taking my call. Of course. Thanks for calling. What's up? Yeah, my question is about our house and whether it's okay to sell it or if we should sell it. It's a little bit of a complex situation. We bought the house two and a half years ago, and it's a 1940s home that needs a lot more work than what we had anticipated. So it's going to take us longer to more work than what we had anticipated. So it's going to take us longer to update it than what we had anticipated. But along with that, we have a lot of really great neighbors, but we also have one really awful neighbor that is really making me want to move. But we want to make a good financial decision and not just an emotional decision.

Okay. But sometimes emotional decisions aren't bad. Are you unsafe in your home? I don't know. So I think we're okay, but... I can hear in your voice. Tell me what makes you think you might not be safe. It's with a neighbor? What's going on? Yeah, they're just really hostile and aggressive and a little bit unpredictable in how

they behave towards us. Particularly around one situation where they really want to control where we park or our delivery drivers park or anybody who comes to our house parks on the public street between our homes. So much so that they've called the police on us twice for parking where they don't want us to park. What did the police say? The police, the first time they went, he came over and talked to us after talking to them and said, hey, you're not doing anything wrong.

They just make sure that you're being neighborly, which we have been up until about the day when I ignored the neighbor because he comes outside and is very chipper and's like, hi, how are you? But after having a run-in with them this weekend over parking during our garage sale, anyways, they just feel very imperceptible. Here's the deal. I want, when I turn onto my street to head up my driveway, I want my heart rate to start to go down. And that means my marriage has to be healthy. That means my relationship with my kids has to be healthy. That means I have to have mowed the yard when I said I was going to, taking the trash, like all the stuff. That also means I have to be at peace with my neighbors.

And so that's a part of the homeowner experience now if you say hey there's no chance that we can sit down at a table and say hey we're neighbors like like can we talk this out if that's not possible it's not possible then have a hard conversation but i wouldn't go into debt i wouldn't do anything stupid with my money but if I'm tired of coming home to an unpeaceful neighborhood or unpeaceful home, yeah, I might consider moving. Yeah. Okay. So the home, Hannah, what's the money situation? How much do you guys, what equity do you have in it? Do you have money saved? Where would you go? I mean, what's the numbers around that? I think that's part of the tension of it. I think we would have to rent.

So I think the home is worth between $550,000 and $600,000. Our mortgage is about $420,000 on it. We do have a little bit of, well, not a little bit. We are on baby steps, too. And we have a $90,000 HELOC and then a little bit of credit card debt for our business. How long have y'all been married? Almost 15 years. Okay.

What's your husband say about the neighbors? He's overly optimistic. There's been a couple of things, like he wants me to still be friendly with them. Today, when I told him, I just waved just out of kind of politeness that wasn't real friendly with him. His first reaction was awe, like, and it was disappointing, but I told him, I just think that they're manipulating us, and I don't even want to talk to them anymore. Yeah. That's a fair boundary to draw. It's a fair boundary. And also I'm not going to give up my dignity for somebody

else. You know what I mean? I'm not going to give you that. Yeah. And that's where I'm having a really hard time because when I had an interaction with her this weekend, um, I was physically shaking because I didn't know how far she would escalate. Um, so it's just, um, I don't want to live near them,

but it's like to have to move for just that reason alone. And so, um, and it's not just that reason. I mean, I dream of something different, but, um,

if this is the case, if you were my wife and you came to me with this challenge, I would sell the house this weekend and we would rent for a while. Because here's the deal. This transition is going to come at a cost, some shape, form, or fashion. And can I use you as an example, not to kick you while you're down, but just to kind of paint a picture? Sure.

This is one of those exact reasons why we tell people don't take out a heloc because you never know when you're gonna have a neighbor that wants to burn your house down right and it's like you know what i'm gonna that's why we tell people do things at the speed of cash and yada yada yada we sound like a broken record but what we're doing is we're giving people margin in case something happens which something does happen happen. And so, but if you sit down with your husband and say, I don't feel safe here anymore, either he's going to go next door and say, hey, can we just talk about this like adults and come to some sort of understanding here? My wife's scared. Y'all hate us as neighbors. Can we just solve this? Or, all right, we're going

to put the house on the market and we're going to go gonna go and we're gonna rent for a couple of years we're gonna save some money up we thought we were gonna do the cool old house with lots of quirks but we're gonna fix it up and we're not those people yeah because is there more to be done hannah more than this 90 000 heloc would you guys have to put more money into the house oh yeah yeah so it's i mean like so it kind of feels like a lose-lose, bad purchase, bad neighbor situation, right? Yeah. So you guys have some credit card debt. Do you have any money saved? Just the $1,000 emergency fund.

Okay. So if you sold this house, you could use equity and clean up everything, look at each other and go, we are not those people. We're not HGTV people. We thought we were, but we're not. So cool. We're going to rent for two years, save up some money. You'll walk around with around $50,000 in equity.

That'll go down some with realtor stuff and fees and commissions, but you'll walk away with some. And I think you guys rent for a while, and there may be a start over process for you, you know? But again, the peace of mind is really big, Hannah. And I mean, you were like shaking, talking to us. And I mean, I don't know if it was because you're nervous because it's me and John

or the situation brings so much emotion, but I heard it in your voice. And so there is a peace of mind there. And the fact that this is a money pit of a house, it just wasn't a wise purchase, right? So, yeah, looking at other options, it might be the case. And knowing that you'll be renting for a bit. But if that brings peace of mind, that brings peace of mind.

Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Hey, we'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. 888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, check this out. A brand new event, Dave Ramsey's Investing Essentials.

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Tickets are $199. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash events. Let's go out to Indianapolis and talk to Allie. Hey, Allie, what's up? Hi, guys. How are you doing? We're partying. What are you up to?

Oh, just waiting on the line to talk to you guys. So I just have a quick question for you. All right, bring it. My husband and I, we have about $38,000 left on our debt snowball. And recently, last week, we had a hailstorm at our house, and our cars are considered a total loss by the insurance. It's all cosmetic damage, though. Insurance is going to give us a check for about $10,600. So we were wondering if we should put this money on our debt snowball. Wait, they totaled both cars

and all you get is 10,000 bucks? Yes, but we drive 2011, you know. Oh, Allie, I would high five you. Yeah. And it is all cosmetic. Like, it's running fine. Yes, they run fine. Yeah, I'm throwing it at the debt.

I would. I mean, they're old cars. You know what's funny, Allie? My husband's from Knoxville and there was a terrible hailstorm in Knoxville. Like, it's probably, I don't know. This was years ago. And we came in for a weekend, and every car that was driven down the road had hail. I mean, like, literally, almost every car had hail damage.

And we were laughing. We're like, people just, they just cashed in. Well, in West Texas, where I'm from, there's one every month. There's a wild hit that's just you live there and your car is gonna be all dinged up so y'all won't be the only one people treated it like a tax refund like we got money and i was like no it's not like a gift but but yeah hey i i would ally yeah if it was a 2022 lexus i might i might go get it fixed. But your cars are depreciated all the way out to the very bottom anyway. And so, yeah.

Get out of debt. Okay. Yeah. That's what we thought. So we just wanted to talk with you guys, though. Awesome. Yeah. Good on you. Well done. Thanks. Congratulations from the hail gods. All right. Let's go out to philadelphia and talk to m a double t what's up matt hey john and rachel how you doing we're doing

fantastic man what's up awesome um so i have a question this is also vehicle related um i had a a truck that i've owned for about 12 years, a 2000 Toyota Tundra. And I had gotten a newer truck and was looking to get rid of that truck. And my 16-year-old son was interested. So I told him, hey, it'd be awesome if you get dad's truck. He didn't have the money to pay for it all, obviously, up front. But I told him, you can make payments to me as you can he had a side job while he's in school and he's been paying you know a couple

hundred dollars a month for a little while anyway he's paid probably fourteen hundred dollars and yesterday he totaled the truck he, he is perfectly fine. Um, but the truck is, is done for, and I only carry liability insurance on it. Um, so it's going to be, it's going to be a, you know, a loss straight up loss. And my, my question is as a dad, what, what should I do to, to help him to learn a lesson in responsibility and reality and yet not overburden him financially? How old is he? I can absorb this loss, but is there anything I should do? Yeah, he's 16 years old.

All right, Rachel, I want you to disagree with me, but I'm going to give you my from my gut answer. I don't know. I know. They're just so young. And Matt, my son is 14, so I'm right to give you my, from my gut answer. I don't know. I know. They're just so young. And Matt, my son is 14. So I'm right there with you. Okay. Okay.

I would take my son out for lunch. Just us two and say, we're going to talk about the truck. And I would tell my son, if I had done what you did son i screwed up i put you in a position to borrow money on a vehicle and i never should have put you in that position and that's on me as your dad yep you've lost this truck i i put a an object i put debt between our relationship and that will never happen again. And I'm the old man here. That's I'm the dad that's on me. Now you are out of a truck. You're going to have to earn your money back.

And if you, like you say, if you're in a financial position, the deal I've made with Mike, Mike, both of my kids is I'll do half. You save up and earn it. I'll,

I'll, I'll double whatever you got. And so maybe you make him a deal like that or whatever you can do. I like that. But he's got to have some skin in the game because he wrecked it. Yeah. But I think the relationship stuff, the healing there, it's got to come from you. The debt part, you got to say, dude, I did this to us.

To us. I did that. I should even give you this truck or whatever but here here we are and what you're going to do is his shoulders are going to he's going to say i'm sorry dad i'm sorry and you say no no it's not your job to make me feel better i'm the dad i did this i'm glad you're okay the thought of losing you just kills me and yeah take this lesson you and i are never going to borrow money again. That's what I would do if it was my kid.

And there's probably thousands of people listening, millions of people going, oh, that guy's weak. You should crush him. I think you put him in a position where he's going to borrow money from his dad. Yes, he's 16. How much did he give you, Matt, in payments? So far, $1,400.

$1,400, $1,400. Okay. And was the wreck his fault? What was the situation? Yeah, it was. It was a one-vehicle accident, and he was driving on a gravel road and lost control. Okay. Was he, like, on his phone?

I don't even know if you want to go into all that. Wait, that's another. Yeah, was he on his phone? Was he texting and driving? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think he was being extremely irresponsible because i'll tell you this matt rachel at 15 and i had my own car at that point because i had saved up and paid cash i paid half of it we did that we did the 401 dave thing and i got in a wreck outside of my high school with a permit so my mom's in the passenger seat.

And it ends up being a five-car pileup. The last car was some guy who, I mean, it was probably a $1,000 car. It ended up catching on fire. The engine caught on fire. And they had to call the fire department. Can I just say, at 15, the lesson was learned. Like, it was learned. I was so, it was horrible. horrible it was horrible the whole thing i learned and now i don't get close to cars that are stopping at stop like i'm

like i'm very aware of the distance so all that to say does he need to quote unquote learn his lesson i bet he's learned his lesson at 16 like that sucks you know you you total car like he knows he knows and i just i don't know And then there's a part of me again. I just think about my, my son, such a mom with a son. I almost would say that 1400 is a credit to the future car. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I'm not, I'm not quite as soft as Rachel, but I don't know because I just, I don't know

because he's going to have to work hard. It's going to take him a while to save up money at this point to pay for another car or half of a car or however you choose to do it, Matt. But here's what's not broken. Your finances aren't broken. What's in flux right now is your relationship. Let's fix that. Let's let him know it was on me. I love that.

It was on me. It will never happen again. You and me are making a pledge from this point forward. We're never borrowing money again. And that puts weight on the subject of debt heavier than ever before. If my dad is telling me I did this and I will never, and you're like, oh, it is a bad thing, right? Like you're learning that lesson in real time too. Good on you, Matt.

He's lucky to have you as an old man. We'll be right back. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. And we have somebody cool on the debt-free stage. We have Josh. What's up, man? Good to be here.

Thank you. Where are you here from? I'm Greenville, South Carolina in the upstate. Greenville, South Carolina. And I'm assuming since you're on the stage, you've paid off everything. Talk us through it. How much have you paid off? I paid off $96,000 in three years and five months. Wow. Nice.

96K, three years and five months. Making what kind of income? From 62 to about 70 or so with a bunch of side hustles in there. So that's the base roughly. Amazing. So great. All right. So tell us, how did you get connected with this wild crew of people? Well, about five or six years ago, I was approaching halfway in my career and really wanted to prepare myself for retirement. So I'm a planner, like way ahead planner. And I put my spreadsheets together and calculators and everything and realized I was

in pretty good shape. But I looked over and I had a truck and a mortgage that I really didn't want to have in retirement. So you paid off your house. Your house. I did. That includes the house. Way to go, dude. Congratulations.

Yeah, 3,000 of it was a truck and 93 was the house. Oh my gosh. It was left in the house anyway. So you're done completely. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. But I was wanting to pay everything off. And so I looked at the math because I just like the math part.

And I paid extra on the mortgage because that higher interest rate than the truck was. Did that for a couple of years and it was okay. But then 2020 happened. We got sent home. So I found a podcast and found y'all's. And y'all said pay off everything except the house first. So I looked at it and realized that if I really went after it, I could pay off the truck and pretty quick. So about four months into it, I paid the truck off. It was just quick.

And then what felt really good. So I said, I'm going to go ahead and see if I can do the house also. So I put money to retirement. I still did that. But I kept paying extra and extra and more and more side hustles to get the house paid off. And originally I had it paid off in January of 2025. But the more I kept paying on it, the more side hustles I picked up. I kept pushing that payoff date up a little bit. Ended up paying it off in September of last year, actually. Oh, my gosh. So like a year and a half or close to a year and a half.

More than a year of your life. Right. Unbelievable. That's incredible. So what kind of side hustles did you do? Actually, I had to write that down because I had so many. I'm a teacher by trade, so most of it was through that. But I tutored after school.

I still do that nowadays. What got me the most money is I sell um tickets to sport events at school after school oh yeah so i do that once or twice a week get paid anywhere from 30 to 100 bucks a night depending on how many games there were a couple times a week that's that adds up real fast a teacher paid off his house yeah debt free completely and hey let's not i used to do that i used to teach all day and then i would go work a volleyball game or sell tickets where it's miserable when you get there at 6 a.m you don't go home till 10 30 p.m night after night I used to teach all day, and then I would go work a volleyball game or sell tickets. It's miserable when you get there at 6 a.m. You don't go home until 10.30 p.m. night after night after night, right?

That happens quite a few times. And those same kids are like, oh, my gosh, Mr. Josh, why? And their parent, and you kept doing it, and you kept doing it, and you kept doing it. What a sacrifice, man. I got to know a lot of the parents because I saw them every night anyway for the game. So they said, you're here again. Okay, so how much is your house worth? $280 right now.

Okay, and how much do you have in retirement? Oh, $350. Oh my gosh, on your way. Easily to be a millionaire. All right, so what are some of these other jobs? Because everyone tells us we can't do it. You can't do this anymore in modern day USA. Let's see, I did, I grade AP chemistry exams.

I do it every summer. Oh, that's the worst. Do you go out on the beach to do it though? Well, it was in Salt Lake City the past few years. This year's in Tampa. So yeah, there's- There you go. All right.

I'll do that. Okay. I did summer school last year for the first time ever. And my favorite thing though is my district owns a planetarium and part of a science center. And out of the blue, a couple years ago, the planetarium director called me up and said, I see you teach astronomy. Do you want to do a public program once a month,

like one Friday night a month for the public? And I said, I would love to. So I get paid the least for that because it's once a month. That's more fun than anything else I do, though. You're an astronomy professor? I'm a chemistry and astronomy teacher, not a professor. A teacher. All right, hey,

we're going to pause this debt-free scream real quick. Rachel and I have an ongoing. Stop, stop, stop. Did we land on the moon or not? Absolutely we did. I knew it. I knew it.

Solved. And Earth looks like this too. I do think it's round. I don't think the Earth is flat. I'm not that good. Josh, you made my whole week, man. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Golly. Okay that golly okay so time back in Jeffrey scream back here's what I love about you in this whole situation that you're right number one about the moon is that you took what you're already great at

what you're already doing and you just expanded right you're the environment the school right doing sporting events you took what you're good, the knowledge you have, and that's where you plugged in. And that's where you end up making so much money. Our friend Jade Warshaw, I mean, her and her husband, Sam, musicians, and they did private music lessons. Like you find the thing you're good at and see how you can make money, right? You can drive for Uber and do all of this, but there's something about what you're saying that I think is so brilliant and so great and and causes people to be creative oh yeah when they have to go find a side hustle how many of your students would ask you ahead and like seriously what are you doing well how many kids did you get to share this this journey you're on with well i don't i don't really talk about it at school very much because i want

to yeah i talk about i try to get my students not to get off topic and i could talk about this forever so i try to stay on topic for that. I needed you as a teacher growing up because I get off topic quite a bit. But my astronomy students, though, we talk about everything anyway because it's such a fun class. They'll say,

did you see this movie the other day? And we'll talk about how bad the science in it was. Oh, that's good, yeah. Or if they're talking to a friend who just is so clueless on actual science. Right. Oh my gosh. And you can help them

how to discern friendships. Yeah, there we go. Dude, that's awesome, Josh. Back to you, Josh. Yeah, so hey, what's something you would tell somebody who is, did you do this all by yourself?

I did. Okay. So you're all by yourself. Teachers don't make a jillion dollars. And you said enough is enough is enough. I'm going to do this. What do you tell that person sitting at home saying, I don't make enough money.

I'm all by myself. I don't have a spouse making $500,000 a year. What do you tell that person? Well, there are ways to do it. Again, there's side hustles, whether it's through school or not, there's things you can do for most schools anyway. And one thing I did when I was selling tickets,

we have to grade papers all the time and do planning and all that stuff, which is a pain in the butt sometimes. But when I was selling tickets, it's a big rush the first, like, half an hour before the game starts or right after the game starts. But most of the rest of the time,

I'm sitting there just twiddling my thumbs. So I brought my work with me and just graded papers then. So I got paid extra for doing something I would do normally anyway. But how do you breathe if you're not scrolling social media in all of your spare seconds yeah stay away from that as much as I possibly can so good grief I don't even make guys like you anymore Josh you're amazing I'm on like Facebook that's I mean that's ancient now but yeah my students now laugh at me because they're on whatever's not even on right now but they're on other stuff so great I bet they love

you uh so someone listening or watching is thinking, okay, I'm going to do this. I'm going to try this. What would you say the key of getting out of debt is? For me, it's have a goal. I wanted to pay my truck off quick. I wanted to have my house paid off by January of next year, but I had it paid off early. I want to retire, be able to retire by the time I'm 55. I'm 43 so I'm I should be able to but I'll probably still work anyways it's still still fun yeah so it's just have a goal um just not have to pay anybody any other here's what I like about you Josh you don't seem like the dramatic type which someone next to me may have a level of that in his life but but there

is something about you just do it you know and like talking to you like there's so much you know drama that can be associated with this where it's like just cut stuff out and just do it like and that's and that's that's the vibe as the kids would say that I'm getting from you Josh what are you gonna go do what's the thing you're gonna go do well two things one thing I've got a cruise this summer yeah that's good for you man also one thing I did last month my favorite band in the world Journey was coming through Greenville. Don't stop believing, Josh. Exactly right. So last, I was looking for tickets a few months ago, and I was going to usually buy the mid-level or up-level tickets just to get in the show, but I realized I don't have a mortgage payment

anymore. Ah, so good. So I bought, I splurged, but I sat third row center at that concert. Yes, you did. And had a blast at it. It was so much fun. So good. It was a great time.

Somewhere, there's a YouTube video of Josh, no shirt, jumping off the stage. Absolutely not. All right, let's get to it. $96,000 paid off in three years and five months, serving your community. You did it, housing everything. My brother, teacher Josh,

let's hear your debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I am debt-free scream. Three, two, one, I am debt free! Hey, Rachel, you said something so important. If we could all just strip the drama away and just

go do the thing. Just do it. Just do the thing. So good. Josh, you're my hero, my brother. Well done, Josh, and thanks for being a great teacher. We so, so appreciate., my brother. Well done, Josh. And thanks for being a great teacher. We so, so appreciate amazing teachers. So thank you, Josh. You can too, America. You can too. We'll see you soon. Today's scripture of the day is Psalms 39, 14. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful.

I know that full well. The great Maya Angelou says, if you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. That's how we know how amazing Rachel Cruz is because she never even tries to be normal. Oh my gosh. you know what conspiracies just make the world go around you know we ask the question crash it not everybody

they just destroy the world let's go out to charleston south carolina and talk to john what's up john hey guys how are you all today We are rocking on to the break of dawn, brother. What are you doing? Oh, I'm still working. I listen to you guys all the time, and I think you are the only ones that could probably give me some good advice on this. You need better friends, number one, but we could probably help. What's up? I don't have too many intelligent ones. No, I'm just kidding.

So my father passed away last year um and mom got you know mom's doing okay so mom had her will written up and i told her i didn't want to be a part of anything that she was writing you know do it on your own uh we recommend a good attorney to her to go to when i did get to it, when it was all finished, I feel very uncomfortable with what she did. I don't know how to handle it. Um, 50% of myself, 25 to my sister and 25 to my daughter and the house has to be sold. And I, and I know why she did that, but why did she do that? My sister was a homeless drug addict and, um, I found her, she was homeless for about three years before I found her again. Um, she since got her life back on track and everything is

great with her. I mean, I give her nothing but huge praise for what she's done, but she's the type of person that she's not, um, she's all there, but like she doesn't have a driver's license, and she doesn't care to get one. She doesn't have any friends, which whatever you want is fine. But she does go to work every day, and her job means a lot to her. She takes public transportation to and from. And she's living on the premise that the day that my mom is gone, that the house is just going to be hers.

And your mom probably is wise enough and is grieved. The county would get it in a year because the taxes wouldn't get paid off. Well, and what I'm saying is your mom knows the whole, she is wise enough to know that the worst thing I could do for my daughter is to give her a home.

The worst thing I could do to my daughter is to give her a home. The worst thing I could do to my daughter is give her half of everything I have. But I could give it to my son, who I trust, and if he sees best fit to take care of his sister, and however he's going to do that, I trust him.

And so what I don't want you to do is I don't want you to pass that responsibility back to your mom correct it's going to be hard it's going to be tough but you know as well as I do that house is gone in 365 days

and then what do you do do you just gift it to her I mean I so you sell the house and you take the money and I would probably sit down with my sister and say No, you sell the house. You sell the house, and you take the money, and I would probably sit down with my sister and say, here is X number of, I mean, how much money are we talking, $100,000?

She would go to her? There's probably six figures in the bank. The house is worth $300-ish. Okay. And the money doesn't even, whatever I would inherit wouldn't change any day to day in my life I mean I've worked very hard I've made everything on my own but I'm not wealthy

I know but listen you know as hard as the conversations will be handing your sister a check for $100,000 might kill her correct I'm scared that would send her down a bad road right and so it almost sounds like the conversation is one more step which is hey mom i will take

care of my sister to the best i can yeah but let's not leave 25 to sister well to the point where i wanted to get her an apartment and you know i was gonna front it all and then my you know my wife's like no if your name is on that lease no just be prepared to pay for everything and you know whatever she said you know i agree with her yeah i agree with her so i didn't go down that route but i I don't know. It's going to put me in a tough spot one day. Here's the deal with Dave. And your mom, how old's your mom? So she's 67, 68, but she's in really good health. She's a really active go-getter type person.

Yeah, so you never know what life could bring you, but there could be a chance for 20. Yeah, yes, but also she could be living 20 more years. Easy. You know, in all of this and the way life shakes out. Correct. But I think... If it was anything drastic, that would probably be safe to say.

Right, right. So there is a part of me that, you know, worrying about something that isn't imminent, you know, is one thing. But also, I think it is always wise, and it would be your mom's choice to do this, but we always say that once you make a will to communicate that to everybody involved. now a situation like this i don't know if that's more of a gift or more of a you know turns everyone inside out it gets to be a mess yeah yeah so i you know depending on how

your mom wants to communicate it or if she does but again i know you're planning for what if but thankfully it hasn't happened yet well and correct john there's this is going to be hard there's not going to be an easy path forward you're going to be dealing with a sister she older than you or younger than you so she's six years younger than me okay and um hold on that was the one that brought her out for where she was and we have a good relationship no i know you do but you have a sister who's six years younger than you that probably has no retirement has no um or limited insurance health insurance life insurance etc so you are being wise to look down the road whether it's 10 years 15 years 20 years 30 years there may come a day when you're going to be charged with the

care of your sister. And so I think there's some wisdom in putting your cards on the table, having that conversation with your wife. Like, I think your wife is smart for you to not put your name on a lease. I also think you need to be honest about telling your wife, I can't just let my sister go back under a bridge. If that's going to be your, if that's going to be your thought process. So what do you have to do now? Planning wise to make this thing happen. But I think in some weird way, you were hoping that your mom's will would kind of, ah,

it's not on me feeling. Yeah. And it's, it's just, that's not who you are. You're a man of responsibility. You're a man who loves his family. You're a man who went and got his sister,

dude. And I could get choked up and hug you. We need more men like you and there's not going to be an easy path forward. There is a path that you can plan for. And don't violate you and your wife's marriage covenant, but

dude, I think it's just being wise about what's coming down the road, however hard those conversations are going to be. I sure do. I appreciate the insight on that. I really do. Yeah, you betcha. And also, I love what Rachel said.

Keep this in mind. If you come from a tough home, growing up was tough, sometimes we solve tough childhoods by overplanning. Correct. We try to grab variables out in the ether before they're even issues and solve them before they're problems, and you're reaching way into the future, hopefully.

Yes, yes, correct, 100% on that. I mean, that's, yes. I mean, everything, like I said, anything can happen tomorrow, but I was just wanting to try to wrap my mind around it and get my duck somewhat in a rush down the road. Yeah, for sure. Which is totally fair. You're a good, you're a good guy, man. That's, yeah. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Thanks for calling. I know. Cause that conversation between even with him and his sister, even down the road, right? You look 10 years, 20 years, and it's still like what is the what is

a gift to someone what is enabling someone when is it my responsibility when is it not and we've had a lot of calls on this show of people of adult children that are like i have to take care of my parents uh there was a call you know i don't know if it was recent but the parent was making like three hundred thousand dollars a year. Just burning through it. Yeah. And it's like, where is it your responsibility to quote unquote honor, right? Your parents and all of that. You look at brother-sister relationships, you look at friends, but I feel like you do a good job of just knowing what's the healthy boundary here? Because there is a boundary.

There is a boundary. And it might be, I think where people may misconstrue it. I'll just say me. If my parents have burned through all their money, I'm not going to not take care of my parents, but I'm going to take care of them in the way that I can do it. And if I can only afford X place, then that's where they're going to have to go. I'm not going to mortgage my future and my soul for some big fancy. Right. Taking care of your immediate family first. And that's the same with John taking care of his immediate family first. And that's the same with John, taking care of his immediate family first.

So that he can take care of them. And then beyond, yes. Well, hey, that's the third hour here on The Ramsey Show. Thanks for being with us. Thanks for all the gang out in the booth, especially Taylor and Emily and the Mighty Joe. We'll see you soon, America. Thank you.