The Ramsey Show - App - Don't Let Other People Sway Your Money Decisions

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

What up? What's going on, America? This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by my great friend, number one bestselling author, Rachel Cruz. And we're talking about your wealth, and we're talking about relationships, talking about work that you love. We're talking about everything. And today's a big day. It's the first day of a long weekend retreat here we have at Ramsey called Money and Marriage.

And the studio's packed. What an audience. This is awesome. Good to see everybody. So fun. I think we have a total of, is it 800 couples coming this weekend? I don't remember. There's a bajillion people here.

Yeah, so it'll be. It sold out a year ago, and I'm excited about it. And you. I don't remember. There's a bajillion people here. It sold out a year ago, and I'm excited about it. And you and I have been off the road for a while, except doing private stuff. And so I'm excited to be back on stage and having a good time. It's going to be so fun. Dude, I'm so, so excited. Okay, let's go out to Fayetteville, North Carolina, and talk to Mara. Hey, what's up, Mara?

Hi. How we doing? How are you guys doing? We're doing great. We're running a scam. It's called a podcast YouTube show. It's amazing. You should get this job. It's awesome. What's up? I was calling to get some advice on my financial situation. So basically, I'm going to try to keep it short. I'm an over-the-road truck driver. I'm an owner-operator. When I got into trucking as an owner, you know, back in, like, 21, everything was good as far as that was concerned. I was just living and spending and not living on a budget, and just the money was kind of just rolling in, and everything was great. I thought I was doing good. And then things shifted. I got, I had to have like three surgeries in a little over a year and that had me taking

time off work and blowing through my savings. And when I, I, I did the, the very, what I'm finding is a very popular thing of thinking, Oh, if I pay off all my credit cards in the same month, that's a good thing. Um, so that, uh, quickly went into me not being able to pay off the balances and, you know, accumulating more credit card debt and things like that. Um, so anyway, so the, um, I got into a really tough spot. I used to work at a bankruptcy law firm and, um, I reached out to the girls that I know that still work there and they were telling me that, yes, they looked at my situation. They like yeah you can absolutely file um but they're they're requiring um I guess a trustee is requiring that anybody with a uh with a car note over I think she said six or seven

hundred dollars they were going to require you to surrender your car they wouldn't let you keep it if you had if it's higher than that number so So hold on. Why are you thinking about declaring bankruptcy? How bad is it? Well, because I was overwhelmed, and I thought I couldn't get out of this hole, but that's the funny, well, it's not funny, but that's the thing. You guys just started showing up on my Facebook feed.

I never even searched you, but somehow, here you guys come. We're a cult, dude. We'll find you. We'll find you. Or Jesus will. Or Jesus will. Yeah, we've got Kool-A find you we'll find jesus will or jesus will yeah we'll we've got kool-aid that we pass out to the internet real quick so we can help you because we got a few minutes okay what what give me give me a list of your debts because now you're you're thinking oh

gosh the only way i can get out of this is bankruptcy but now you're thinking maybe you can do it down okay go medical bills like 50 grand okay um. Credit card, 15,000. Okay. No mortgage. And then the car, I owe like 36 on the car. Okay. And that's it? And because I've seen the show, my take-home income is like 60,000.

Okay. And trucking slowed way, way, way down, right? Very, very much. Yes. And I, I,

um, yeah, I made the mistake of living how, like adjusting my life for how it was then instead of thinking how it could go. Good. We're going to, you found us on the internets and we're going to change it.

Um, do you, so you have no savings. You blew through your savings just to keep in Smee. Is that right? Pretty much, yeah. Are you behind on anything right now? Yeah.

Like, I got to a place where I just stopped. I was like, I'm going to just file bankruptcy. Okay. Has it gone into collections, the credit cards? Some of them, yeah. Okay. How many credit cards is the $15,000? Let's just say maybe eight.

Okay. And some of them have gone into collections, not all. How's the medical debt? What's the status on that? They had me on a payment arrangement. Are you current on that or are you behind on that one? No, I'm current on the medical bill. Okay. Are you current on that or are you behind on that one? No, I'm current on the medical bill. Okay. And then last question for your car, you owe 36. Do you know how much it's

worth? Have you Kelly blue booked it? Yeah. My Kelly blue book said it's between 25 and 29. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Perfect. Okay. So I mean, I would first thing is get rid of the car. It's too much car for your income. Um, you can't yeah you can't afford this car bankruptcy i would not i would take off the table for sure more you're not even close so i would um you'll probably have to take a loan for the difference and add a add a couple thousand more on that loan so you can get just a beater car for like five grand four grand uh to get you around. And that'll help. And do a private sale because hopefully maybe you can even get 30 out of it, right?

So maybe you're looking at like a 10 grand car note or 10 grand loan versus a 36. And then these credit cards, I would call each of the collection, the ones that are in collections, and I would talk to them and be honest about your situation. Just say, hey, I don't have a ton,

but I'm working extra I'm trying to get x amount and as you do your own math about you're probably getting an extra you're going to get an extra job uh to help get some of this cleared up tell them like hey I think I can get you you know if one of the cards has three grand on it just say I can get you one thousand seven hundred and twenty eight dollars by this date like try to get like a very specific number to them. Cause I mean, some of them will settle for, you know, pennies on the dollar,

some of these and get that in writing. But I would work that credit. I would work that 15,000 down if you can, just through negotiations, get rid of the car. And then that 50 grand that's left, that's going to be the mountain to climb. But I would stay current on it. But again, you're making 60 right now. And I mean, I would try to, man, I try to make the mountain to climb. But I would stay current on it. But again, you're making $60,000 right now.

And I mean, I would try to, man, I try to make $2,000 extra a month. I mean, I would do... Are you on the road a lot with trucking though? What's that? What's your lifestyle situation? Yeah, like I'm literally on the road right now. I had to pull over.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you over the road? Are you in town? No, I'm over the road. you um are you you in town no i'm over the road like i'm i'm doing a load to michigan right now okay carolina and when you get back do you turn around and flip it and head out again or do you have some downtime well that's i'm an owner operator so i can do how i want everyone okay so yeah exactly i heard you mention this a few times rachel laid out a plan. We're not doing bankruptcy here. Okay. We're not trying to hack our way through this, but you're going to have to change

the way you live. Yeah. And you're going to have to change the way you see the world. And right now you're going to have two years of this sucks. Okay. Okay. If you'll commit right now, how old are you? I'm 39. All all right i want you to write a letter today to 41 year old you and tell 41 year old you what you're what you decided to do today as a 39 year old so that 41 year old you could breathe okay and i'm going to give you um uh financial peace university i'm gonna give you all the classes for free i'm gonna give you every dollar app for a year so you can start tracking every freaking penny and this is this is gonna be listen it's gonna be how you spend money on the road

it's gonna be how you get take an extra job you're gonna work when you're tired you're gonna go and you're gonna go you're gonna go you're gonna go okay and you're gonna you're not gonna pretend these stupid credit cards don't exist because they do. You're going to call the companies like Rachel said. You're going to stare down this dragon piece by piece by piece. Okay? Yeah. Is that cool?

I got it. You guys answered my question. You can do it, Mara. It's going to be hard. I mean, this is a totally, you know, from a 39-year-old shifting the way you viewed and handled money. And it's not going to be fun, Mara. We always say you can wander your way into debt, but you cannot wander your way out. So it's going to be an intense probably two years.

Oh, but on the other side of this, I'm like, it's going to be so hopeful for you. So we're excited. You're going to be 41 whether you want to or not. The question is, do you want to be 41 and not owe anybody anything? Or do you want to be 41 and still chasing ghosts? This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. What does the future hold for business?

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Weekend. Let's go out to New Orleans, Louisiana and talk to Carrie. What's up, Carrie? How are we doing? Hello. Excuse me. I'm a little nervous. Hey nervous hey i'm nervous too i'm not very good at this so we'll just be nervous together what's up so let me tell you what's going on my mother who's 80 years old she lost her husband three years ago which is my stepdad and they were not ever in a financial great place um he tried to get on disability a few times and never wanted to hold down a job and my mom worked underneath the table a lot and she took care of elderly people. Well, he passed away, left her nothing and their house is reverse mortgage, which is the worst. So fast forward, my sister moves in with her and pays it for all the utilities and everything,

her and her husband, and they moved down where my mom was to be close to their grandkids. So now her husband found a job far away in South Carolina, and now my mom is left with all the utilities and stuff again. And originally when my stepdad passed away, she was going to move in with my sister in San Antonio, my brother close to her, or she can even move in with me. I'm moving closer to her in about five months. So this was always an option. This is what she was going to do because we knew she couldn't afford the house.

A few weeks ago, I had both of my sisters on FaceTime, and they asked me if I was able to pitch in for my mom to live in her home because she really didn't want to leave her house. Me and my husband have been on your baby steps. We stopped investing. We paid off our credit card. We will pay off his car in April and then his student loans. We are so focused. We don't go out to eat and we are so excited about it. And then we got this call. So I liberated with my husband. He's like, Carrie, it's a reverse mortgage. Why would we throw in money into it when your mom has options? And this was the plan anyway, because she cannot make it by

herself. My mom is 80. She's in great shape. She works out twice a day. She's on no meds. She will live probably a long life. However, you know, when I went back with my sisters with the reverse mortgage and throwing money away, they were like, okay, well, what if you do it for five or six months? Like, and my husband was still like, we can do whatever you want, Carrie, but you know, I don't think it's a good idea. She has ways of, you know, being living, but just not in her home. The home isn't falling apart. So I feel bad because I'm the daughter that said no. And now I feel a rift. Yeah. The rift is going to brother who's 60 and my brother is 60. Didn't get asked to pay some of the money every month because he is not great himself,

but he does have a home that's paid for that. He could, that he was inherited that she can stay, but it's just small. So of course he's never a part of the equation cause he's never had the money to help. So I said no. And my husband makes great money. You're having your heart broken is real.

Okay? Yes. And trying to search about this fault and this person should have and I can't believe that all of that is a distraction from just how much it hurts to find your mom in this situation, to find you and your husband in your own personal situation, the fact that your

sisters are trying to clamor and change the plan to lessen. All this is just, ugh. And you got permission to feel bad. My rule of thumb in these situations is always, always, always choose guilt over resentment every time. If you start paying money against the plan you'll already have established and like I said if it was five months and it was going to clear my mom and my mom was going to be okay I'd be all in if it's five months and we're having this conversation again in five months and again in five months then right I'm making the problem worse long term right and there's no guarantee

there I don't know what happened to three or five months. Well, none of us do, but I'm less worried about that. Here's the deal. If you pay this money, every time your sister calls you and you see her name come up on your phone, you're going to get pissed. Every time your mom texts you, you're going to get mad and they don't deserve that. And that would be because you didn't hold your boundary, not because they exist. That's resentment. That's not fair to them. And my mom would never, she doesn't even bring it up. She's never asked me for anything exist that's resentment that's not fair to them and my mom my mom would never she doesn't even bring it up she's never asked me for anything she's not that type she's letting my sisters do it she's very sweet gentle lady yeah but she sounds like she's also she's parenting from the one down position that's the nerd word in counseling where there's there's the one up position which is when you beat your chest like dads do. And they're like, hey, it's in my house. There's that.

But then there's the one down, which is like, oh, okay. I guess I just won't eat. There's some pine cones in the backyard. I'll just eat those. And it's like, all right, mom, where do you want to eat? Right? It's that. Or even worse.

I mean, she is sweet and kind. And the sisters are feeling they have to either she's not doing anything in the situation. So the sisters are like, we have to be the parents in it. Or she's like, I don't want to call. I don't want to call Carrie. Can you just call her for me? And so anyway, you set your boundary. Right.

And I have to stick with my husband and our plan. Like this is my house. I have, you know, two kids and we're never going out. We're just trying to be honing in on our. Well, you can't. Yeah. And you can't save somebody else when you're drowning so like that like there is a there is a a realness and reality to making sure that your

household is taken care of right i mean if we're yeah if right if this was all reversed and you had three million dollars in the bank and you're like golly should we help mom out you know what i mean like yes help your mom out we're totally like you like you have consumer debt you guys are shifting the way that you're doing it you're making progress within your own family totally to be able then to help people but right now it doesn't make sense do you have carrie do you have numbers on the house situation i'm just curious and well it's only it's only going to be 350 a piece from each one of us well i mean like her like the more i'm asking like the more like no but, there is no mortgage because it's a reverse mortgage.

So how much does she take out? Yes. It's her insurance and her utilities and so forth. And my mom has little bitty credit card bills that I told her

she needs to get out of like JCP, like small, small things. Yeah, but with the reverse mortgage, she took money out on the equity. Like, do you know

like when they, when they applied for their... I don't because my step... No, because my stepfather took care of all that and my mom is just one of the people who just signs the papers. She just goes along with it. Because something is probably owed

at some level of all of this. Oh, for sure. Because if she leaves the house, she's going to have to just leave the house and let them get it back. That's right. It's going to be their house. She's already signed it away.

Right. She's already signed it away. It's been done. And the house and let them get it back. That's right. It's going to be their house. She's already signed it away. Right. She's already signed it away. It's been done. And the house is falling apart. Well, listen, literally, Carrie,

it's, it's heartbreaking when you and your husband turn a corner and y'all start making plans. Yes. And someone in your family is hurting and they don't care about what you think. Yeah. They just want your money.

They just want your time. It's more like my sister's been feeling sorry for my mom. Yeah, the sister's coming in and rescuing. And they see my husband graduated from college. He just got his master's, and he's getting a promotion, and they see us doing well, and they think because my husband makes a certain amount and we're doing well, I think they think,

okay, well, they got it. Well, we blew money for the longest, and we're just now getting our stuff together and now we're honing in. Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, listen, you don't owe anyone an explanation, period. You're right. You don't. The person I think you're wrestling with is you. Yes. And if you've drawn a line that you don't believe in, listen, if you drew a line that you don't believe in, address that. But if you believe in this, it's okay to feel guilty.

It's okay to feel upset. It's okay for it to all be hard. I get that. But you don't owe anybody an explanation. A simple, hey, guys, we're not in a place to do it right now. We just aren't. We're digging out of a huge hole. End of story.

Conversation's over. Yes. And I asked my sister. She was mad at me, and she was like, well, I have some resentment, but, you know, I'm not going to go backwards, and I haven't heard from other sisters. I know, but Carrie, she's been mad at you your whole life, right? True that.

Yes. She's been mad at you forever. This isn't any different. She's been mad at you since you took her Michael Jackson record when you were kids. I don't know. That's just who she is. Yes. So you can't live your life trying to make her happy.

You know why? Because that finish line will always move. You're right right your mom has never asked for your financial help she's never going to that's yeah right she's going to be the way that is going to ask do what and my mom will love me unconditionally you know if your mom does she have any money like is she really truly surviving truly from paycheck to paycheck yes i. But paycheck to paycheck, yes. But does she have money? She's not working. No, she's not working. Did her husband leave? She's getting some Social Security.

He just drained her down even more. Okay, so the only income she's getting apart from family is Social Security. Is that correct? That's it. He didn't leave a life insurance policy or anything? and do you know and i'm curious do you know the numbers of what the social security check is and what she needs to live off of i literally think it's like she makes like 13 or 1400 a month okay and i would be curious for bills and i wonder too carrie if some of this i don't know if this would be helpful maybe this is how i kind of function um it's like a lot of the

details aren't there knowing exactly what is she getting in, what bills actually need to be paid, how much are the exact amounts. Some of that may help you in all of this because you could get through it, Carrie, and think like, oh. It's $50. Yeah, it really is not as big of a deal as my sisters are even making it out to be, right? So I think the drama is there because of the family dynamics too. So I would get some hard numbers just for your own peace of mind, if that helps at all. Hey, you guys, health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system

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Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. Today's question of the day is brought to you by YRefi. Private student loans are different than federal student loans like Sally Mae, but they hurt just the same. YRefi refinances defaulted private student loans and builds a custom loan based on your ability to pay. So stop feeling the pain of defaulted private student loan debt. Go to whyrefi.com slash Ramsey. That's Y, the letter Y, R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey. And this may not be available in all states.

Today's question comes from Toby in Wisconsin. He said, I have a question about tough conversations. I'm about to propose and I would like to be sure that we have covered all the tough money conversations when it comes to money. What are some topics to make sure I should cover or good questions to ask?

Well, I would just say right off the bat, you're not going to cover all of anything before you're married. I thought I had it all figured out. We went to premarital counseling. We're like, check, we did it and now we're married. I know. I thought I had it all figured out. We went to premarital counseling. We're like, check. Done. We did it and now we're ready.

And then it's like, wah, wah. I'm a quarter century in. And my wife said something the other day and I looked at her and just got quiet. And I said, who are you? Like, I don't know you, right? But great question. Yes.

And I love the optimism that you're going to get all the questions done before you get married. Okay, so on the money side, going tactical, But great question. Yes. And I love the optimism that you're going to get all the questions done before you get married. Okay. So on the money side, going tactical, and this is for all of you listening and watching that maybe you're in a similar situation. When you're going into especially a marriage, knowing all the money information that you can ahead of time is like required, right? So how much you make, how much your future fiance makes, debt level, investments, if there are, you know, other accounts, credit card retirement, I mean,

anything that's out there money wise, it should be, you know, free reign to be able to talk and know everything because when you get married, ideally, it all comes together as one, right? So that's on the more tactical numbers side knowing just that basic information which a lot of couples don't run a credit report because the number of times people call and they're like he didn't know he had this other thirty thousand dollars in student loans or whatever make you run a credit report and compare them yeah yeah that's everything on the table yes and then there's more of the emotional kind of bigger questions, right? The value system conversation. We get a question a lot of, you know, should I marry someone that has debt?

And I'm like, yes. Of course. Yes. As long as you both are in agreement on how you want to live life with money, right? So it's not if they have debt or not. It's, hey, do you guys want to be on the same page when it comes to the subject of debts? Talk about that. I would talk about goals in life. What are things that you want to do? One of them may be you want to travel the world. The other one, he wants to own a home in

the next four years or whatever it is. So some of these more goal-oriented questions, just talk about that, which hopefully those kind of things are in the middle of other conversations that you're having about life because that is's, that is money, right? Money is a tool in life that you use to do the things that you want to do. So hopefully you guys know most of that going in of kind of what you want your life to look like. And I think, um, underneath those things are right next to them. I think creating a rhythm that you don't have one conversation and forget it.

Right. So I think the, I'm always talking to parents, like you don't have one conversation and forget it, right? So I think the, I'm always talking to parents, like you don't have a sex conversation. It's an ethos in your house where your kids know they can ask you any question anytime and their bodies aren't weird. It's kind of like that. You don't have a money conversation.

Let this begin setting up a rhythm where maybe when you're engaged once a month, you're like, hey, let's talk about our month, our week, right? And then you get married, you want to do that every two weeks or every week. So let's start a rhythm where we're constantly coming back to the table to have this conversation

and commit to being very open-handed. And what I mean by that is this. My wife knew when we got married, I always wanted to end up in the woods i want to buy a place in the woods where nobody can see us so that when the world catches fire we're gonna be okay right that's prepper kind of we're john and i kind of yeah we we know we know what's gonna but here's the thing um after four years of being in the woods my wife was like she wanted this whatever she wanted cell signal, right?

And she wanted it to take less than an hour to get to the grocery store. Sheila, unbelievable. It's ridiculous, right? And I wanted water all the time, not just when it rained, right? And so we recently, we kept our place, but we moved to the city where we, right? I had to grieve that. our place but we moved to the city where we were right i'd agree with that and but had it been locked down um it would have been a fight but we are very open-handed about i really want this i'm going to try this one experiment with this and if it doesn't work out it's okay in our house to say we changed our mind right yes this is a fun experiment that i think all engaged couples

should do i want you it's i call it the friends experiment. There was some old articles about the show friends. Yeah. When they actually went through and said, okay, this apartment in Manhattan would cost this, this couch that like they went and ran the numbers. Monica technically got it from her grandmother. So it was under like rent control.

There's reasons, but they had reasons. Yeah. But then Rachel would go work retail, right? And then they'd go to a coffee shop at 2 p.m. and they're all hanging out. They're all hanging out.

So here's the thing. I think it'd be fun to get on a Pinterest board. And if you're like me, you don't know what that is, just ask the person you're going to marry. Create a fantasy. Like if we could have any house anywhere and then actually run what that actually cost in real life. And I think it'll be both depressing,

but it will also level you back to reality. And then y'all can be happy with the world you have now and maybe have this thing out there you want to go chase one day. But it keeps everybody from being like, I thought we're going to be a Tahoe family. We're a Corolla family right now. We might be a used Tahoe family one day, but we're not there yet. And it helps level everything back. Yeah, that's good. And then I would also say, Toby, with the money specifically, since you asked about that, I think it can be so easy,

especially if you're getting married later in life and you kind of have like your rhythm and the way you do money to feel like the way I do it is right. And if something is different than that, then that's wrong. And learning that, you know, when you get married,

there is strengths and weaknesses your spouse brings to the relationship, right? And so we all have this ability when you get married to actually learn. So have the curiosity mindset too, because I would say if Toby's writing into the Ramsey show, Toby's probably the one that's hardcore with money, I'm going to say. So again, don't, you know, have your values, but just know, okay, if my my if my fiance is different when it comes to money that doesn't mean she's wrong she actually can bring something to my life that's great on my honeymoon i looked over and um it's not that kind of story james it's okay on my honeymoon i looked over and my wife was brushing her teeth and i said these exact words is that how you brush your teeth

hey you're doing that wrong stop it oh my gosh because here's why here's why uh my wife is part time serial killer she took her toothbrush and put toothpaste on it and then just jabbed it directly into her mouth oh she didn't put water she didn't put water on it like a person who loves jesus and babies and puppies right and so i looked at her and I was like, Hey, you're doing this wrong. And she said something along the lines of, Oh God, this is going to be a long forever. Right.

Like, um, but here it was like, okay, there's multiple ways to brush your teeth. Right. And there's multiple ways to, to do things in life.

And I think what you're saying is so, so perfect, Rachel, you have a way and your spouse is going to have a way. And what matters is what y'all agree on moving forward yeah um hey and all this and more um this turned into a pitch i didn't even mean for it to but here we are there is a money and marriage date night is it it's next week right next tuesday yes next tuesday there's a live event hosted by me and rachel cruz specific

date is october 29th 29th yes yes yes if you're listening to this in any day, that's not right this second. We're going to be talking about real topics like goal setting, budgeting, working through every season of life as a team, your marriage. It is a live stream event. So we have an entire second floor here full of people who are here for an in-person retreat this weekend. This will be a money marriage event that you can have in the comfort of your own house. It's also going to be a live Q&A and Rachel and I will answer your questions. October 29th, get your tickets at ramsaysolutions.com slash events. The total is 49 bucks and you can click the link in the description if you're listening to this on the YouTube or the podcast. This is a great option for all of you listening that again, you're not here in Nashville. We have

another money in marriage. In February. Yeah that, again, you're not here in Nashville. We have another Money in Marriage. In February. Yeah, weekend, the Valentine's weekend in February that we're going to do this same type of event. But if you are, you know, early on in the baby steps, if you guys don't have the ability to get away for two or three nights to Nashville, like this is the next best thing because John and I, as we set up content and stuff for this event, want to set you guys up as a couple when you watch this to continue these conversations, right? So even a one night events can be the starting point of like, hey, we want to work towards something better when it comes to our money and our marriage. So make sure to check it out, you guys. Again, October 29th, a live event

via the internet. John and myself, tickets are $49. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash events and hang out with us next Tuesday night. And as always, we'll give you some questions to ask each other, and we will commit to making it weird for everybody. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. There's a time in your life and at the baby steps for renting, but you don't want to do it forever. Because when you rent, you're still paying for a mortgage, just somebody else's.

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This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLS consumeraccess.org. Equal housing lender. 1749 Mallory Lane, Suite 100. Brentwood, Tennessee 37027. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz. Let's go out to Edmonton and talk to Alberta, Edmonton, Alberta, where they play hockey instead of the footballs and talk to Nick. What's up, Nick? Hey, Nick. How's it going? Hey, what's up, man? Not too much. I just don't know what to do in this situation. I'm 18 years old.

I'm turning 19 in February. I have a $5,000 car payment, and I work at a light-duty mechanic shop. My mom and dad don't want me to live with them anymore. They'd like me to kind of move out of the nest. I was just wondering, would it be worth putting down payment on a home and just rent no bedrooms while living in it? Or should I get a rental area and rent with a friend or something?

I just don't want to screw myself over in the future with loans and stuff. I don't know how to pay for my schooling. When you said a $5,000 car loan, do you owe $5,000 on the note or you said a $5,000 car loan, do you owe five grand on the note, or are you paying $5,000 a month? Surely you're not.

It's $224 every month that I'm paying. But the total is five grand? But I took the loan. Pardon me? The total is five grand? Yeah, that's what I have left to pay. I had it out for $15,000, and I paid $10,000 down within an entire year. Okay.

Good for you, Nick. How much do you make a year? How much are you making working? That's the struggle. I don't know because while I've only been at the shop for three months and I just passed my probation and also I get a flat rate, so I don't get paid per hour. I get paid per job. So I could have an oil change takes 20 minutes. So I only get paid for 20. But if it takes me 30, I'm not getting paid for the other 10. So it kind of depends on how fast I am and how efficient I am at my job. Okay. So the last month, what did you make? What did you bring home last month? Just over two grand. I think it was $2,200. Okay. And do you see that being consistent month over month? Or do you think now, since you've passed the probation period, all of that,

do you foresee it going up another good amount? It should go up, I'm hoping, for sure. Yeah. Because I know they're going to raise it up. But I don't really know how fabric works too much. I'm kind of just learning how to do it still. I don't want to move out. I'd like to live at home and save up my money.

Yeah, why are they kicking you out? What's the conversation with your parents like? Well, they're not fully kicking me out, but they're kind of just mentioning it that I should probably think about leaving sooner or later. They're kicking you out, bro. They're kicking you out. They're doing it slow and kind, but they're kicking you out.

How come? They just want their house back? They want you to fly? They want you to get out of the nest? Or are you drinking too much? Why do they want you out of there? I don't have any habits. I don't spend my money.

I just kind of save it up. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't do any of that. I think they're just kind of wanting me to be on my own probably for, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, that's great. Yeah, I'm one.

My 14-year-old rolls his eyes at me too, man. It's just kind of part of it. So what I would do, Nick, is I would first sit down and kind of get a timeline of what their expectations are and what's reality for you, right? You've turned 18. You have a job. You're not making a lot. I mean, it'll come out to like, you know, 20 grand, you know, a year at your current rate after taxes and stuff. So you're not

making a lot to sustain a lifestyle. So I would be curious for them, like it's what we're October, just to say, hey, mom and dad, I want to have more of a clear conversation with you on your expectations, because I want to be respectful. I'm adult now and I understand you know I'm 18 and I can move out but I want to know what you all are thinking because that'll at least give you a timeline if they're like because if it's this weird period of like oh no Nick as long as it's next summer or something then you're like okay we kind of have a date so I would get a date with your parents of like here is when they want you to move out and then I mean that's I mean they get to set it I guess it's their house but what you're gonna have to realize Nick is that

yeah you're gonna probably have to up this income so whether it's that you're making more in the job that you currently have or maybe getting a second job after because I do not want you buying a house but renting is obviously the best option after moving out and if you can get friends yeah and get a rental house and get a couple bedrooms filled and you guys can like split the rent you know three or four different ways that's ideal uh just to lower that expense but i mean as of now that you're not making a ton to live on your own so i mean i would have that conversation with them too and part of turning 18, man, is not the most fun, but you need to also have this direct conversation with your employer too.

And there's a mindset shift that happens when you're 17 and you get hired on and they put you on probation and you get to work. The whole thing is set up as you should count your lucky stars that they picked you. But I want you to flip that around now. If you've been pulling your weight and doing good work and you're certified now, you're 18 years old, you come to the table and say, I'm happy to be here. I need some structure, meaning I need to know how much money I'm going to make. I need to know what the comp schedule is, what the comp plan is. If it's just me working 20 minutes by 20 minutes and I don't have any input on marketing, it's not like even like a barber who does a great job and they get to bring clients back. It's just you're wholly dependent. I'm not going to live that life. That's a tough life to

live 20 minutes by 20 minutes depending on what car just rolls into the garage, right? And so you should sit down and say, hey, I've passed my stuff. I want to talk about what a long-term plan is because I want to be here and I appreciate the risk you took on me. I just need some guarantee on what this thing's going to look like. And then you have to make a big boy, grown up, grown man decision now. Do I want to stay here? But Rachel's point, dude, 20 grand a year, you can't live in Canada with that kind of money.

You can't live anywhere, right? Yeah. And Rachel's right on. Sit down with your parents and say, hey, I'm getting the hints. Do you want me out right now? Is this three months? Can I have six months to save up so that I can put a six, you know, six months down on a lease or something like that. But yeah, you're in a hundred percent, no place to buy a house yet, man. Not until you are way more subtle than you can put down 10, 15, 20% down on a home in cash. And that's after you've

paid off your car. You don't owe anybody any, and you've got an emergency fund so that when the cars stop coming in the bay, you can still pay your bills every month. So you're just getting rolling, brother. But have those hard conversations with your parents and with your employer and be good to go there. And by the way, don't hate on your parents. They want to see you fly. And that conversation is a hard one to have. And they're probably trying to soft play it and be nice and if you don't have the direct conversation now rachel there's going to come a day when they snap and they're like you're out this weekend and that will be too it'll be you know too quick for you it'll just be a mess so just take be the be the adult here and go sit down and say let's let's map out a nexus strategy i love that, for sure. And to bring, I don't know,

I think I would be impressed if my son came and was like, hey, can I know what the average, like what you're paying for lights and water, like even knowing what it takes to run a household and ask those questions and build out a mock budget and be like, okay, here's what I'm short a month. If I were to go rent somewhere and let's say I got three roommates,

on average, I'm looking around this uh with utilities car payment food like this is probably what i need to live off of a month like you can kind of start making a plan and ask your parents those questions about what they pay you know for utilities and that kind of thing i mean i feel like that would be a very mature type planning and i think they probably would appreciate it maybe buy you an extra week or two to live at home well and here's the thing if if i if let's say my son graduates and he just starts working at a local shop and all of a sudden at six months after high school graduation he's not going to college and he's still home he's just going to work every day and sitting at the dinner table um i'm more of a direct guy right so we would have more of a direct conversation but if

he came and sat down and said hey i've got a seven month plan and here's how much I'm making. I want to contribute 200 bucks, not a lot, but I want to contribute some to the water and electricity now. And I need seven months. And by seven months, I'll have this much money. Dude, I would be so proud of him. I would want to support him in every way possible

and help him get launched out great. Yeah, in situations like this, it's the lack of communication is where the messiness I feel like always always comes into play and and to know that you know we are we are more on this or I'll say I am I'm more on the side of fly and be free like I think that you know we you you can stay somewhere and save money and mathematically financially that's really wise but for you as a person when you're being taken care of by mom and dad for too long into your 20s, you know what I mean? Like in all of that, like there's just something to be said about being on your own.

There's a character thing there that happens. There's a grown, you know, you grow up faster when you do that. So I'm more on that side. But again, under the circumstances of there are seasons for different things. People go through different events at different times. And parents can be there to help their grown children in different ways. But it's the communication. That's right. That's always going to be the

number one. So Nick, I would tighten that up with your parents and that'll give you more of security of knowing. And there's going to be a woman that drives in to get her oil changed and she's going to say, can I come pick you up? And you'll be like, yeah, from my mom's house. You're going to want to get your own place. You're going to want to get your own place. You're going to want to get your own place.

That's the first hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back shortly right here on The Ramsey Show. Welcome, welcome. It's The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney joined by Rachel Cruz. And we are taking your calls live on your relationships, your money, building, wealth, work that you love. Rachel, we've been doing this for how long? I say we. Dave's been doing this for 30 years. The great and powerful Dave Ramsey

and the rest of us have joined. Dave and the Daveettes, we have joined. Yeah, I'd say the last seven. Yeah, for a while. Five, seven years. Taking your calls on everything going on in your life. Your money, your relationships, your work, all of it. And we're taking your calls live. No net. 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. And again, I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. Call us from all over the planet. Let's go out to Oklahoma City and talk to Violet. Violet, Violet, what's up, Oklahoma?

Hi, thanks for taking my call, guys. Of course. What's going on? So I just found Dave Ramsey and you guys about two weeks ago. I'm excited to get into it. But how do I even begin, start working the baby steps when my husband has a cognitive decline and will continue to decline with no cure. Tell me about it. My husband has Huntington's disease. So for people who don't know, yeah, he's stage two right now. So he still can drive and I have guardianship over him right now.

We he's 55 actually late onset. Yeah. I'm sorry um so yeah for people who don't know that's like having alzheimer's als parkinson's and some doctors say schizophrenia as well all together yeah it's tough so sorry is um yeah so have you all said i'm assuming you've set up all the necessary power of attorneys and you've got the accounts in your name and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. I have an account in my name. We didn't do power of attorney. He was conserved when we lived in California. And then when I moved to Oklahoma, we just got guardianship. So I didn't know, should I be having power of attorney as well as guardianship? I would sit down with an attorney yesterday okay and and map it out um and an estate planning attorney

um and i think the the thing that i hear catches most people off guard that i've sat with over the years is especially on any kind of stage and you got cancer you got this kind of challenge you've got any sort of thing that is progressive is and they say it's progressive and maybe you got five years progressive maybe you got five years. Progressive, maybe you got 10 years. Progressive, maybe you have 18 months. The challenge is one month, two months, three months goes by. And it's easy to drop your shoulders and to settle in.

Okay, I've got 36 months left like this. And what's not taken to an account is there comes a moment when everything falls off a cliff. And if you don't have that stuff set up now, trying to deal with it, when this thing starts sliding, right? When he needs in-home care, when he is unsafe, like these things as they progress, who knows, right? How it's going to unwind, right? And so getting these things in writing, I would sit with an attorney and a state planning attorney and map out everything, whether you need a, I don't even go through all the legal stuff right now, but sit down with an attorney today or tomorrow and get that stuff squared up. And you have to stare the sunshine in the face on this one. It will feel surreal

that you're having this conversation because this man's been a part of your life for a long time, right? Yeah. 13 years. Okay. What's the ongoing medical care like money wise? Are you guys, do you have good insurance or what is that looking like for you? Nope. Nope. We were living in California below poverty level. And I said, I don't want to live here anymore. We got to go somewhere else. We sold everything we owned, packed up two cars with two kids, and moved to Oklahoma. How long ago was that? It was stressful, but now I'm in a job where I'm making $40,000 a year. I can only go up from there. He's not working right now.

Sure. Has he filed for SSI? He actually doesn't qualify for SSI anymore because I make too much money. So they cut him off after a certain point. I've tried talking to him. Maybe we should do legal separation, but he doesn't want to do that, which I completely understand. Yeah, I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal again and again and again and again. And your attorney can help you with that.

Yeah, well, he has to have so much work credits, and he just doesn't have them. So I have him set up right now. He's going through a program here. He's seeking employment for disabled adults. So that's going to help him and us. How old are your kids, Violet? Twelve and nine.

Okay. Okay, so financially, real quick, because we have a couple of minutes with you. Where are you guys at? So tell me, I know you're income. And then debt-wise, how much do you guys have in debt? Debt-wise, we're only $12,000. Okay. We own our cars.

Good. And that's just credit cards. Okay, okay. And you're using the credit cards to basically live above poverty line in California? Was it to sustain a level of living? Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Are you guys in a place with your income and living in Oklahoma that you're able to,

are you able to live paycheck to paycheck, or are you dipping into the credit cards monthly to keep afloat? No, we're living paycheck to paycheck. We're making minimum payments on everything, so we're not behind on anything. But there's extra spending with somebody who, you know, he has to have this, this and this. Oh, for sure. That money that can be going to this, you know, I need money for this. And I'm like, we really don't't so he's kind of excited he's like okay i want to get out of debt so do i just keep doing like having the separate bank accounts he

there's one with mine in his name and then one with his name so that i i can funnel money when he needs it every everybody's got to be above board on this um Is he able to be a co-manager of the money of the household right now? From his mental capacity state? Yes and no. I mean, he'll see something and go, oh, I want that. Okay. Listen, the most important thing is that he has a safe place to live and that you and his kids are safe. And so if he has, golly, if he is unable to- We have our four walls. Yeah, I know, but it's a couple of expenses away if you'll share an account and he just, he has an impulse purchase, not blaming him, but he's not well. He makes an impulse purchase.

It's not his fault. Huh? Yeah. an impulse purchase. It's not his fault. Huh? Yes. Right, right. It's not his fault. So at some point you have to protect yourselves. And if he can hear that conversation, amazing. If he can't, then maybe you put $25 in, quote unquote, his account and you are managing

on the side. Okay? That's what I'm wondering to do. Yeah, I think that's great. That's what I want to do and I think that's best. I'm never about division. We're always about about sharing money but this is a very special situation if you've just come on to us you know the last two weeks and you've binged and looked up any videos about married couples i mean 99 percent of time we say combine accounts combine accounts combine

accounts we have a you know a whole marriage weekend we're going to talk about combine accounts be on the same page but there are reasons not to and if there's addiction involved if there is abuse uh and in this case violet i would say you know if if the other spouse mentally cannot handle that then for sure i mean there's common sense that plays into all of this right and so um i think yeah for you to be the one that is really uh it's and i even hate to say that but it's terrible but the adults in the situation. Because sadly, with what he has, it's going to continue to progress the opposite way. And so just to put you guys in a great

position, if you hold on the line, Violet, Christian's going to pick up and we want to gift you Financial Peace University and every dollar for a year and also get signed up with a financial coach and have an hour session on me and John will pay for it. But to sit down with actually someone to look over some of your numbers, because I also think that there's, from a medical standpoint, things I want to make sure are covered within the trust, because there's some complications there. So we'll get you an hour with a financial coach to go over some of that. We'll be thinking about you.

Call us anytime, Viola. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys. I'm not a fan of the big banks, and you probably already know which ones I mean. But I do like credit unions because they're nonprofit organizations that focus on their members. And I'm proud to endorse Fairwinds Credit Union because they share the Ramsey mission of helping people get out of debt and live generously in fact they design products to help keep you from going into debt in the first place fair winds has been in business for over 75 years and they serve hundreds of thousands of members

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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. Let's go out to Albany, New York, and talk to Jessica. Hey, Jessica, what's going on? Hi. How's going on? Hi. How's it going? So I'm calling because I have a whole life insurance policy that I've been holding on to since 2012. And now I'm thinking, hearing Dave and you guys and hearing that the whole is garbage and that I should switch the term.

But I'm not sure about the tax implications and stuff like that. I just don't really know what to do with the life insurance policy from here on out. Okay. Have you looked into what the payout will be if you dissolve it? So since the cash value is eight grand. Okay. Of your money back to you? That drives me crazy.

Yeah. And have you looked into term at all to make sure that you, I mean, are you healthy, Jessica? Like you could probably get another insurance. I'm going to be 39. I'm 39 now. I'm going to be 40 next year. So I'm kind of like, do I hold on to it? I have two little ones. My husband's the primary beneficiary, but my oldest daughter is the contingent. And I'm like, do I hold on to this? I already called the company and asked them if I should, you know, if I could switch it from hold a term. And of course they said, no,

you could cash it out and then get a term insurance policy with us. And I'm like, I don't know what the tax implications are, anything or could be worth it to do that. Or if I should just hold on to, because it looks like it is it's gotten like $1,500 in the last year. Yeah, but it's your money. According to the statements that, right. So the way, yeah, they take your money,

you overpay them, they invest that money, they take a piece of the investment return and then they call you and they're like, look what you have. And it's a crappy return anyways. So yeah, so no, I would cancel it regardless of what the, whatever the fees and tax implication is.

I don't know what taxes are when you cash it out. may be income it may be like a like a it's eight thousand bucks it's not very much money yeah so i would i would pay the taxes on it five dollars a month so i've been ignoring it for all this time how much how much i'm listening to you guys i'm like all right i need to do something about this yeah how much are you paying a month for it? 55. 55? Yeah, I'm a state worker. I make around 15 a year, so I wasn't really missing it, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, 55 bucks. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, yeah, so what I would do... I don't want to be robbed slowly by the insurance company either. Yeah, and that's what... Totally, and that's what it ends up being when you're pairing an investment

and insurance together. You're always going to get a crappy product, usually on both sides, but for sure on the investment side. So yeah, I would cancel it for sure today. But before, well, before you cancel it, I should say, make sure you have term in place because I do want you to have life insurance. You guys have two little kids. So I would still have life insurance. And so you do work. Is that what you said outside the home yeah okay so i would get a policy 10 to 12 times your annual income and that's about that's around the policy that you would need and i would go to zander you can go to zander.com or give them a call

zander insurance and they're great because they're a more they're they're an insurance broker so they're going to shop all different companies to get you the best deal versus like this one you call i don't have state farm and it's just state farm or whatever you know like you'll be able to get um all different kinds of of quotes and that so that's what i would do and then i would go ahead and apply and get that coverage going first and the day that goes into place the pot the term policy then i would call whole life cancel it get your eight grand to move on. Gotcha. All right. And then, okay. So you said 10 to 12 months for my life insurance policy. 10 to 12 times your annual income.

If you make 50 grand, yeah, I would get a policy at a minimum of 500 grand, which should not cost you very much money a year. Okay. It won't be, it won't be a huge cost. And by the way, this isn't just us pitching a product. When I was 40, maybe 40 or 41, I did the exact thing you're doing. I called Xander and got my insurance moved over to them with term and it's, it's fantastic.

Gotcha. Okay. Awesome. Yeah. I just want to say also, God bless you guys and thank you for the work that you do. Oh, thank you so much. Thanks, Jessica. You're super kind.

And yeah, like Rachel, I hear that a lot on like, what's the tax is going to be? It's eight grand. Let's pay the taxes and move on with your life. For whatever it is. Yeah. If you have $8 million, well, let's start worrying about the tax implications. Totally. Yeah.

Yeah. When you start looking at, you know, $55 a month and it may feel like oh that's you know no big deal but over time what it adds up and then what you end up paying for terms a fraction of that anyways um and always again the rule of thumb is your insurance and your investments should never be mixed right um because you're not going to get the rate of return that you could if you put it you know even in an index fund or vanguard or the or the market, right? Yeah, in any other place, you're going to get a better rate of return. And a lot of these, too, I'm like, they just, it's that slow leak

that they just continue just to, like, take and take. And if it goes up, it just goes up. And you know what I mean? It doesn't feel clean the whole life. There's some entanglements there that are not great. There's mixed priorities there, right. Let's go out to Spokane, Washington, and talk to Elizabeth. Hey, Elizabeth, what's happening?

Hi, guys. How are you? Awesome. We're running a scam called a YouTube show and a podcast. What are you up to? I love it. I watch you guys all the time. Very cool. What's up? Not much. I was just hoping to get your guys' advice. We are pretty good, but we're not as good as we could be. I feel like we're still struggling month to month, kind of like paycheck to paycheck.

How do we get ahead? How we start like invest saving like we have three kids i homeschool there's we're a one income household um and the economy is kind of killing us yeah so here's here's the hard the hard truth you and me and your spouse and my wife and Rachel and Winston all of us go home as a family and we make choices and that's not how it was set up for us we all grew up and they're like dude if you just go to college or just do this and you can do this and this and this and this and this and sometimes like the dream of we want we want mom to stay at home awesome we want to not get into the schools we want to homeschool kids cool but we can't eat or we're just floating month to month to month and it's you guys as a family having to back out of that situation and say okay

the price of milk is bananas right now the price of bananas is bananas right now right and so it is um my two youngest are not school age so if i went back to work we'd have to pay for daycare well yeah i don't think you say i don't think you're saying go back to work i'm not saying you go back to work everybody makes choices so elizabeth i want to know you got um financially where are you guys at do you guys have consumer debt uh no we have credit cards we don't use them they are zero balance um we own our cars okay all our vehicles how much does your husband make a year about 65 okay and are you guys on a written plan like a very detailed budget every single month that you know exactly here's the amount we have to spend okay i think no okay so I think the budget is probably I need to do that yeah yeah no no it's fine um I mean I think that's gonna help a lot

and if you stay on the line after this call Christian will pick up and we'll give you every dollar premium for a year because I think the budget it's one of those places Elizabeth that once you do it and you actually have boundaries around certain categories in your life and you force yourself to live within them then suddenly you're like oh there's our margin there's our margin it's not getting eaten up by that extra you know fast food run that we're gonna go do or out to eat or whatever like it's it is amazing when you do plan out and stick to that plan it's gonna take about three months for you guys to get it to work so remember that 90 days give yourself a lot of grace between now and Christmas but I want that to be your homework to say okay we're gonna're going to we're going to sit down and do this.

And then out of that and finding some margin and you'll look back on your accounts and your checking account last month and be like, oh, my gosh, we're paying for two subscriptions. We never use when you actually start getting in the weeds of it. It is amazing what comes to the surface. And even if it's 30, 40 bucks here or there, that that adds up. I mean, that will get you some margin, and so do you guys have an emergency fund? Oh, I just, hold on one second. There you go.

Oh, that's fine. Okay, so Elizabeth, I would, yeah. Mess up the phones here. There you go, there you go, there you go. Do you guys have an emergency fund, Elizabeth? Do you have any savings? We do not have a specific emergency fund. We've got a decent amount

in our checking account. Okay. So what I would do is open up a high yield savings and I would move three to six months of expenses out of your checking out to that. And then that's not touched. So that's your emergency fund. If you have to have a few months to add to that savings to get that three to six months, do it. And then from there, I would start investing 15% of your income into retirement and start that going. That can be through his 401k or Roth IRA. You guys can open up. Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the Ramsey show. We have two amazing people staring at us on the debt-free stage. Jared and Caitlin. And Caitlin and I are twins.

Did y'all call each other and plan this? Yeah, look at this. The exact same jumpsuit. Marshalls? No, maybe it's not. Lofty. $30. Rachel.

Whoa, you just got out-purchased. Out-purchased. Out-purchased. Rachel's like, mine was probably 75% off. Mine was $750. No, it was not. No, it was not. Okay, we're here for you guys. Y'all, you're on the debt-free scream stage because...

We're debt-free. You're debt-free. Congratulations. Where are you guys from? Dripping Springs, Texas, about 30 minutes west of Austin. By Austin. I know where Dripping Springs, 512. I know where that is.

It's beautiful. There we go. That's awesome. Okay. How much did you guys pay off? $158,244 in 34 months. Oh my gosh. In 34 months. Making what kind of money during that time? $120,000 to $170,000. Okay. Well done, you guys. Okay. So what happened 34 months ago where you were like, okay, over two years ago, you said something's got to change. What happened? Well, we got married, and we were thinking that we have no business trying to, and this is a personal conviction for me, but no business trying to start a family taking care of our past when we can be investing in our children's future.

And so that was a goal for us, And that was something that we love our parents and all the support we've had, but we wanted to, it's really big for me to make it one step better for my kids, make it a little bit easier for them. So we wanted to start investing before they hit the ground.

Okay. So you guys, were you just married around two years ago then? Yeah, we got married in April of 21. Okay, perfect. And then you're looking at this debt. What was the 150? What kind of debt was it? Just two cars and April of 21. Okay, perfect. And then you're looking at this debt. What was the 150? What kind of debt was it?

Just two cars and some student loans. Okay, the student loans. Hey, Jared, are you from that area? Not originally. I'm from the Fresno, California region originally. Are you really? Yes, sir. Because you have a swoon, a Texas swoon about you.

I'm the Texan. But I mean, I'm just imagining being in in your seat in this tall drink of water comes in and sits down in his cowboy boots and he says I won't invest in our children's future I think I would have married him too we actually met two-stepping yeah of course you know what of course you did. It's great. Golly, man. I feel like I'm getting warm in here. Oh, man. Okay, so now that it's paid off, when you look back, what all did you do that really helped this journey?

Because that's a lot of money to pay off in right at two years. Well, we actually started the journey the Monday after our wedding. So unfortunately, Jared got laid off a few weeks. How many weeks was it? It was about eight weeks before we got married. Okay. Before we got married. Yikes.

Yeah, but he got a new job starting Monday after. So we decided not to go on our honeymoon and put the honeymoon money aside. Wow. Put it towards debt and keep rolling. So now we're debt free and then we're now saving up to go on our honeymoon on a honeymoon however many years later i thought you were rad dude but you got laid off and you just went and found another job well i started uh i got laid off on a friday after that freeze that came through the state and uh so i started work the next monday

when all the texans found out they aren't connected to a grid yeah if you could run a chainsaw you had plenty of work to do so my friends were sending pictures of themselves getting drinking water from snow on their grill I just threw it in four and went back to work and uh landed a job pretty soon there after that and just got after it wow that's amazing you guys dude they don't make this they don't make guys like this anymore okay so for you guys what was the what was the hardest part because it's I keep saying two years it was more like three close to three yeah what was what were the things that were just man that you just hated so much in this process I think for for me personally and I can kind of speak for her although she's gonna say what she wants to say. That's how she rolls.

Good man, right? It's good. You should. I think it was adopting that mindset. And just like this was not in our hand, like you said, Dr. John, but it was in our lap. I mean, for me specifically. I mean, I had a, the government promised me that I was going to have an aviation contract. And two and a half years into that and a year of being on medical review, um, that, that didn't end up happening. And that's how I

went from personally zero debt. I was out of state two semesters. And so I went from a full ride scholarship with the Navy and to 30 grand, and then might as well finish out the degree. So 45 grand. So, um, I think it was just for me though, meeting her, we got to share a lot of this and that's, what's a beautiful part of marriage is like, I got to share some of my tenacity and she got to share some of her patience with me. And so together adhering that to the budget and, uh, just letting God take the wheel and keeping our foots on the gas. I mean, Lord's going to get you where you need to go. Hey, I think I'm going to, we have a, are y'all coming to the Money and Marriage Retreat this weekend?

We are. I think you need to keynote that, brother, because I can't, I mean, you just said it better than I could have said it. That's incredible. Well, I listened to you yesterday in the vineyard, Dr. John, so I appreciate you. You have a vineyard? That's what I do.

I'm a wine grape farmer. You're like a movie character, man. It's like a Hallmark movie character. Good gosh. I'm a vineyard farmer. I'm a vineyard. I'm a glorified farmer. It's a vineyard manager. That is what it is.

Can your wife get any secret magic deals at Marshall's? Yesterday, and I fortunately with some of my Navy training was able to iron this bad boy in the hotel before we got here. Okay, look at that. The only part of your story that rings a little false to me is

when you said that the government made a promise and they didn't come through. They never do that. They always, always keep their promise this year. Precisely. Alright, Caitlin, what was this like for you? What was the biggest like, I imagine honey, I lost my job and you saying, okay, we're going to, well, I'm in this, we're going to do this together.

I got a new job. Yay. And it's Monday. Yeah. Right. Like walk us through that. Well, it's actually a great story. We had our wedding, my wedding dress in tow.

We were dropping his friend off at the San Antonio Airport and the day after our wedding we actually went to his new job site at a new vineyard and my wedding dress was a dress in the back and we're like here we are just a lot of hard work for me what I struggled with the most is the comparison trap that we all fall in yeah so and through the years I mean it's that was one thing that I still held onto that was really hard. Um, but just even getting on this stage is going to be really, it's really freeing for me. So we can't wait to see what happens next. So great. Yeah. Pretty big deal. So how does it feel you guys standing here completely debt free

versus almost three years ago, you're getting married married starting a new job with 150 000 in debt what's the what's the honeymoon yeah what's the contrast of you guys three years ago versus today it's complete freedom liberation so good peace and that's that's the biggest part is like it's the peace it's like okay something happens tomorrow who cares yeah we're good that's it six months you know whatever whatever. So good. And then now, whatever future kids you may be blessed with, we'll never know that struggle, right? Right.

That was the goal. Mission accomplished. I love that. Okay, where's the honeymoon going to be? Where's the honeymoon going to be? Do you know? We're going to try to go to New Zealand and Australia at the end of the year. Yes.

Go drink some Sauvignon Blanc. Oh, vineyard guy. Yeah, that's what he's talking about oh so good you guys we are rooting for you absolutely incredible absolutely incredible so i just thought like movies like the notebook aren't real and then here's these this couple right here jeez louise that's y'all are amazing incredible well it doesn't it says something about you all that you're starting a brand new chapter from a relational standpoint and then you're starting a brand new money chapter i mean doing new things all at once i guess maybe easier i

don't know you just dive right in and go but man not a lot of people can can hold that level of change because i mean shifting your money perspective it's a that's a big that's a big ship to turn right um especially if you had been on one path for so long like you guys had been so and it took me about 20 years of being married before I realized, oh yeah, my wife's different than me and that's a good thing. And you already know I'm fired up and she's patient

and we work together that way. And you can appreciate those differences instead of going to war with them every morning. So good for you guys. Y'all are inspirational and just amazing. So great. I just want to thank y'all for the incredible wise advice and inputs that you put into our lives because we're able to

now lead our life group. We thank you and you've started a generation. You guys did it. Jared and Caitlin from Austin, Texas paid off $150,000 in 34 months making $120,000 to $170,000. Count it down.

Count it down. Let it rip. Glory to God. We're dead free! Yeah! That's how it's done, America. You can do it too. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show.

All right, welcome back to The Ramsey Show. All right, listen, if you listen to The Ramsey Show or if you listen to my other show, The Dr. John Deloney Show, and especially on that show, man, we take a lot of calls, Rachel, about relationships, sex, intimacy, the whole thing. And so after several years of putting out questions for humans more and more and more and more and more and more people asking hey can we have the intimacy deck can we talk about like have those kind of questions those kind of conversations and so

after a couple years finally here we are the questions for humans intimacy deck. These are questions about, yes, about sex and intimacy, but it goes way deeper than that. And, man, everyone who's written back in who's got these things, you're going to learn something unexpected. You're going to laugh. You're going to learn some things maybe aren't so funny, but you're going to learn, and you're going to learn. You're going to build emotional intimacy, have fun. And here's the most important thing, connected quality time together. And I don't know any married people, very, very, actually very, very few who don't need some assistance

asking some of those deeper, harder questions. And it's easy to point to the deck and be like, hey, it's not me, it's the card. Like, what's the answer to the card? That's it, that's it, tell me. You are worth the marriage, it's incredible. So get Questions for Humans Intimacy Edition today. And by the way, we've made third editions,

all brand new questions for couples, for friends, for parents and kids. That's all new questions. So you can get all this at ramsaysolutions.com store. You can click the link in the description if you're listening on YouTube or podcast. And I'll say this. We went to Chick-fil-A

and they kind of have a ripped off version of this, John. They kind of did. Yeah, and it's my kids' favorite part. Of course it is. And I was like,

oh man, I need to get John's card to our family. So for the parenting ones, I'm going to pick up a pack. Okay, but don't. Not that. I got confused. Not the intimacy.

No, no. The question for human intimacy is not good for your kids. No, I don't know. That would make dinner super weird. I'm just saying the concept of the cards. Yes. And asking these questions. Winston and I love doing it together.

I'm saying our kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They love it. They love asking us questions off these Chick-fil-A cards, which yours, I'm sure, hold up better. And I remember leaving. I had a deck of parents and kids I left in the car on accident. I was just getting them from work to the house and

Josephine my daughter pulled them out and still to this day she'll grab one out even if it's the same question what I found is with kids a year later the answer is different and it just makes it fun. It's so great. I love it. RamseySolutions.com Let's go out to Des Moines Des Moines Iowa and talk to Kelly.

What's up, Kelly? Yes. What up? How are you guys? I mean, could not be better. We're doing great. How about you? I'm doing all right.

Thank you. If you were doing great, you wouldn't be calling us. What's up? So I'm calling because my husband and I, I'll give you kind of some details. Happily married for 10 years. We've been together for 18. And his mom has been having some health issues the last couple of years. And a couple years ago, we downsized her to a smaller home, everything all on one level,

and things have been going great until last year. We got a phone call from the bank when we were on vacation that they were concerned about the amount of money exiting her account. When we get back home, we found out that over the course of about nine months, she had given away over $150,000 in scams. And there's no recourse. The money is gone. It's gone. It's not fraudulent. It was all on her own doing. Yikes. And so thankfully the home that we downsized her to is in our name. And thank goodness, because we are pretty confident that the person scamming her would have convinced her to get a second mortgage on the property. So we've had a

lot of conversations over the last year and a half about the amount of times that she has fallen and gotten hurt. And the reason that I think she even fell victim to these scams is that she's very lonely. She has been living on her own for over 30 years. And we just felt, you know, how can we sit back and watch her be lonely and depressed and have these health issues? And we felt it on our hearts to welcome her into our home. The home that we are currently in is very small. It is our pre-marriage home, and we have dramatically outgrown it. So we identified and purchased a new home that we closed on last week.

Part of the financial intention of all of this was that the current home we are in, we own free and clear. And the home that she is in, that is in our name, we also own free and clear. We were getting a bridge loan, able to move into the new home and sell both of those properties. Therefore, then owning the new home completely debt free. Right. Yeah. Since we have closed on the new home completely debt-free. Great. Yeah. Since we have closed on the new home nine days ago, she has started exhibiting some behaviors that I have never seen out of her in 18 years. She has become very angry, very demanding, and I hate to say even almost entitled about the new home. And it has just been giving me all sorts of red flags about, I don't know if I can do this anymore. How old is she Kelly?

She will be 73 in a couple months. Has your husband sat down and laid out the ground rules for moving into your house? So we did sit down with her two nights ago and I was very candid about that. I thought I was ready for this, that we have discussed this for about a year and a half. And all of a sudden I'm feeling a big wave of regret and I feel like I may have over-promised something that I don't know that I can deliver on anymore. And she admitted that part of why she is recently very angry with us is because we have had to take over her finances. Sure. Because she continually was making poor choices. And so she's very, very angry with us that we have not allowed her to obtain a new

credit or debit card. Sure. And are y'all, are y'all have some sort of financial power of attorney? Yes, my husband does. Okay. So does she have some sort of diagnosis that makes that possible or does she sign it over to you? We had the financial power of attorney in place when we purchased the home that she is in, in 2021. I know, but she would have had to sign that over as an adult. Like what keeps her from going to just get her own credit card? So part of what we did as putting the rails on things and she was present with all of this we froze her credit at all three credit bureaus we first she had two credit cards then when we dug into it we found she had four well no she had eight and they were all full of fraudulent charges. So here's how it all distills down.

She's a 73-year-old woman, and she's an adult. And if she's got early-onset dementia or she's got some sort of mental health challenges or cognitive decline challenges, and you'll have to step in to help, then part of stepping in to help is just knowing that no adult likes that kind of help and there's just going to be some pushback very similar to um when you're parenting a young child you're doing the right thing and it just comes with blowback but does she can i ask does she have that kelly or is she just but it sounds like y'all came in and said if you're going to live in my house then here's the rules and And she is really liking that.

Well, she has been without a debit or credit card for coming up on a year now. So do y'all give her an allowance? We're in a small enough community that the vast majority of places that she shops at still take a personal check. So she's still able to get all of her groceries car service okay so my my thing kelly is i don't want you guys to have this level of parenting over a 73 year old who mentally is is stable yeah she doesn't want your help she's falling for scams but she's it's not because of john's point that she has some mental decline um she's a 73 year old who doesn't make wise decisions and there's only to a point that she has some mental decline um she's a 73 year old who doesn't make wise decisions and

there's only to a point that you guys can control that kelly you know like there there's something to be said about um letting her have to experience right to a degree of pain i don't know if you can control your yeah the mother-in-law for so long well and if y'all at the end of the day it sounds like she's going to be with you regardless. And so I think sitting down and having that direct conversation, do you want to take your money back, but you're going to be living with us. You're going to be living under our rules because you don't have a budget and you keep falling for these scams, or we're going to continue to love you. And it's going to be frustrating, but we can get through this together. Thanks for the call. I know that's a mess. Hey, everybody head over to the Ramsey network app.

If you're watching this on YouTube or podcast, to the Ramsey Network app. If you're watching this on YouTube or podcast, the show's about to end. If you were listening to it on radio, just keep plugging in. Go to Ramsey Network app. You can download it now in your app store. Live from Nashville, Tennessee, this is the Ramsey show where we talk about your money, your loves, your relationships, and your life. I'm John Deloney joined by number one bestselling author, Rachel Cruz. We're taking your calls on just about everything. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. If you're joining us in the Ramsey network app, welcome. We are glad you are here. Let's go out to Detroit Rock City and talk to Ken.

What's up, Ken? Hey, how are you guys doing? Dude, we're rocking on to the break of dawn, brother. What's up? All right. I guess my question would be that here in Detroit, we have a pretty good income, one income household, family of three kids married, and it just seems

like living paycheck to paycheck, can't seem to get ahead. It just kind of almost feel like we're struggling here. When you say pretty good income, I found on the show, some people think that means a million bucks and some people may think that means 40,000. What's a pretty good income? We're at about $275,000 to $300,000 a year with my income. Okay. In Detroit, right? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. We classify that as pretty good. Or in the global sense, the top of the top of the top, teeny tiny percent of one. Yeah. So you're crushing. That's great. one. Yeah, so you're crushing. That's great.

So, Ken, so you're saying that you feel like you guys are still living paycheck to paycheck, even with this. Have you guys dug into any numbers? Do you know why that this is happening? Yeah, I'm pretty, I try to stay up on the numbers. And we got a lot of debt. We got a lot of student debt. I went back to school for anesthesia, so I'm a nurse. Okay. So I'm sitting on probably, I'm at right about 181,000 in student loan debt

still. Okay. What other debt is there? So we got that. We owe 200,000 on the house, $203,000 on the house. We at one point took out a 401k loan, which we still owe $45,000 on. I have a HELOC loan, which another $17,000 on that and about $20,000 in credit cards. What about cars? Cars, we have two leases. They were both three-year leases. One we still owe $13,000 on and the other one we owe $10,000. How much a month are you guys paying those leases? How much are the payments? One of the payments is $415 a month and the other other one's about $460. About $1,000. Yeah. All right.

Rachel's going to walk you through this. Can I tell you something? I've spent a lot of my career sitting behind closed doors with medical professionals. And can I tell you you're not crazy? Is that cool? You're not nuts. Yeah. I mean, that helps.

Here's what you've done you've done exactly what they told you to do yeah okay um they gave you some um some some quippy things like cars are depreciating assets you never want to own them so just lease them you're going to buy new ones anyway um you got to buy a house that looks like this because they can't take it away from you if you ever you know get in super trouble and hey if you can make this money but you got to buy a house that looks like this because they can't take it away from you if you ever get in super trouble. And hey, if you can make this money but you've got to go back to school, of course you do. And it just keeps going and going. And you look up and you make a little over a quarter million dollars a year and you can't breathe and it doesn't make any sense.

So hear me say you're not nuts. Also hear me say you can get out of it. The path out of this is not difficult. It'll suck but it're not nuts. Also hear me say you can get out of like the path out of this is not difficult. It'll be, it'll suck, but it's not hard. Okay. But it's going to take two years of you deciding to live a radically different life for just 24 months or so, maybe 36 months, but I think 24 months given you can work extra shifts and do you think you can clean this up and set an entirely new trajectory for your home? Because what your home doesn't have right now,

you've got everything in your house. You don't have any peace. Yeah. Is that fair? Yeah. No, that's correct. Okay. If you and your wife can settle on that being the goal,

not the cars, not the house, if you settle on, I want to walk in from work and I want everyone to be happy that I'm here. I want to walk in from work and i want everyone to be happy that i'm here i want to walk in from work with a smile on my face not with my head slumped over it's going to take about 24 rough months and you can get there yeah okay i just know too many people who are too many people in the medical profession who are dropping their kids off for college and they still have their own student loans that's just madness yeah right it's madness those are my friends by the way bro like it just

it just is so you're not crazy all right yeah and kennan i think y'all's situation too it is the perfect picture of just like this lifestyle creep right i'm like you're just you just a little bit here a little bit there out of car go on vacation go out to like we're just making good money because you're bringing home probably what 28 000 a month or so yeah i mean and it depends too because i can i mean that that's with a little bit of overtime but yeah but it's consistent right sure yeah yeah but you look at that just your monthly take home and you're like man you know i mean like there's there's a lot you can do with it but also like john's saying the normalization of like yeah but we could spend that i mean you know it's it's the classic, like John's saying, the normalization of like, yeah, but we could spend that. I mean, you know, it's the classic idea that your income is not the issue

for most people. It is your money habits and the way that you handle your money. And so that magnification is exactly what you guys are experiencing. So it's like, yeah, we'll get two nice cars, we'll do this, we'll get a little bit more debt. And it's just payment, payment, payment, payment, payment, payment. So a lot of this income is going to these payments. So clearing all of it up i think is key and i think you and your wife sitting down just as an experiment and just say what if we made a hundred grand which again is above the average household income that is 80 grand nobody's starving so even a fun you know even more of a fun exercise just put 80 grand

and say okay if we brought in 80 grand a year what it comes out to per month how how can we live on that like live on that and then extra from that of what you actually bring in is going to be thrown with the debt or whatever it looks like but just you know i think it's always a fun experiment for married couples to sit down and do this like play the income game and just see how much can we actually, if we had to do this, what would our life look like if we had to live on 60 grand a year, on 50 grand a year, on 70 grand a year? And then the great thing about UCAN is that's not what you guys are making.

So the margin is there. It's just the choice of lifestyle. And so getting your lifestyle wrapped and under control is going to be number one. And it is going to feel like a shock because it's not going to be going out to eat. It's going to be shopping at Aldi, not Whole Foods. It's going to be, I mean, you're going to be living, right? Like you're making 70 to 80. And that's how you're going to clean it up.

You're not going to clean it up by just kind of here and there. And we'll just, we'll kind of do it, but we're still going to go. We're going to still go on vacation. We're still going to go out to the nice date nights that we want and drop 200 bucks like you can't do that like if you're gonna do this you have to radically do it and so you and your wife sitting down and saying okay here's our budget for the next two years and mapping that out and mapping out your lifestyle and then from there starting to pay off these debts smallest to largest and what's wild again about that income

coming in i'm like you know you guys could clean up the heloc in two to three months you could clean up all the credit card debt in two to three months i mean like you can make a lot of really big progress ken if you guys decide to do it and then the hope on the other end we always talk about you live like no one else it's not gonna be fun but you guys can do this even the big mountain of the hundred and eighty thousand dollar student student loan, you can get it cleaned up. And if you live like no one else, later you're bringing in 30 grand a month with no payment. Now you get to do whatever you want. But I would say, talk to the car company and look at your leases. Leases are always a little bit more confusing of the buyout and everything, but if you can get out

of those, I mean, just do what you can to dwindle down this debt as fast as possible, Ken. And you guys will see the progress. It's just going to be up to you all if you want to really do this. But the math is there. It's going to work. Math is easy. And you're going to take every shift. You're going to miss Little League games. You're going to do whatever it takes

for 24 months. And make a crap ton of money and pay this off. And y'all are free forever. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Rochester, New York, and talk to Elliot. Hey, Elliot, what's going on, man?

How we doing, sir? Thank you, folks, so much for having me on. I appreciate you calling, dude. What's up? Yeah, so I'm calling in. I feel like I got a bit of a unique situation potentially. I currently work part-time while I'm finishing up some college classes, and my wife works as a school nurse.

We paid off our current house about a year ago and we're currently looking to potentially move and exploring options for that. And we applied for a pre-approval on a mortgage and she was denied. Well, we were denied because she no longer has a credit score. So I was calling in to see kind of what you folks would potentially suggest as a good route for moving. So that same thing happened to me. And I want you to call our friends over at Churchill Mortgage. It's called manual underwriting. And it's the way they used to do it back in the day.

But back in the day, you'd go to a local bank and apply for a mortgage. And you'd have to turn in your light bill. And you'd have to turn in your income and a letter from your boss and all that kind of stuff. Now it's just all done on a computer and they will just, they'll look at your credit score, be a zero. They just deny you and they move on about their day because it's all just done via computer. A manual underwriting process just simply means you turn in some extra paperwork and it is some extra work, but you have this credit score of zero and they actually want to know how much money you have, right? And you and I both know your credit score has zero, none, no reflection of how much wealth you actually have. And if you sit down with a mortgage company

and they do a manual underwriting and they see you've paid off a house before, you have this much ready to put on as a down payment and, and, and, right? You get what I'm saying? But it's the manual underwriting process. That's the whole point. Okay. And so I don't believe Churchill Mortgage does mortgages through the state that I'm in here. Would pretty much any mortgage company do manual underwriting? So Churchill doesn't work in New York? As far as what I could tell, yeah, I was looking into them because I've heard that they would do manual underwriting and, you know, make it easier. Yeah, I would call them, Elliot, and double check that. And if not, they will have, I mean, I bet they would recommend a, you know,

a mortgage company or a bank that does do it. Because not everyone does it. I mean, they don't. So you will have to do some digging to find one that will still do the process of manual underwriting but churchill honestly is going to be your best bet at at least getting a reference to someone that does if they don't and i've never heard of them not we'll check on our end but i've never heard of them not being licensed or working there in new york and and give them a call too because um they're they're they are amazing just people we just i just met with them a few weeks ago and they told me, please encourage your listeners, even if they're not ready to buy a home,

if they want to just talk about it and know what's going on, like they're there to help teach you and guide you and probably the largest financial purchase that you're ever going to make in your lifetime. So yeah, manual underwriting still will be your best bet, Elliot. And yes, places still do it.

Not every bank does it, but I would definitely contact Churchill. And I remember Rachel reaching out when I reached out to them to do a refi. The first thing they told me was, we're going to research this. And his name was David Porter. He said, I refuse to take your money if this isn't in your best interest. So I'm going to research and I'll call you back. And I remember thinking, oh, that's why we do business, right? Because that was the first, that was the, I'm not just going to try to scam you as a customer.

Right, right. I'm not going to do something that's not in your best interest. Totally. Yeah, give them a buzz. But yeah, some companies will not, let's say they don't work out in Rochester. Some companies will not even offer that, especially some of the fly-by-night or some of the online programs. It's all done via calculation.

So you will have to call a- Usually a local credit union, you know, different places will be able to, yeah, help you out. Point you all done via calculation. So you will have to call a local credit union, you know, different places we'll be able to, yeah. Let's go out to Boston, Massachusetts, Boston, uh, with the liner here, talk to Crystal. What's up, Crystal. Hi there, uh, John and Rachel. Thanks for taking my call. Of course. What's going on? Um, I'm in a pretty big financial crisis right now and I'm just basically feeling pretty overwhelmed with it. I basically am living check to check. I make approximately $2,000 less a month than I need, and because of certain disabilities I have, I'm just working to my max.

I am an independent contractor. I do all my work for children, at-risk children. I do counseling, consulting, public speaking, and multiple gigs, and I've been also doing some Uber Eats on the side and it just seems like I work so hard and to the point that I'm depleted and I have no energy and yet I just can't seem to get that extra two grand. I'm just swamped with debt and I I am also dealing with a pretty extreme broken heart. I lost my son and my granddaughter seven years ago. And I just, you know, kind of lost the will to live.

And I just kind of get by at this point. So what ends up happening is I will start to see, I will maybe do a budget for a month. And I see that the budget is impossible. Like I'm $. And the reason I say I'm 2000 less is because I have all of these business expenses that come up either annually or every other year or quarterly that have to do with multiple licenses that I have website hosting. Now, just so you know, I don't have any extras. I don't go to restaurants. I don't do Netflix. I don't even have the internet on my personal phone, nothing. So I live bare bones. I'm like a book person. So I don't care

about any of that stuff. What's the disability that prohibits you from working a full-time job? Because here's the thing. I have a few different things going on with that, but I can... Rachel and I both, obviously on a much bigger scale, right? But Rachel and I both do the job that you're talking about. We travel around. We do speeches. We write. We've got stuff that we put up. I just can't get the gigs, though, John.

That's what it is. No, I know, I know, I know. It's terrible at marketing. But here's what I'm trying to say. It's exhausting. Well, that part's not. What's exhausting is, I mean, I love the public speaking. I want to get out of the counseling field. Like the ROI, it's not happening. From the money you're bringing in minus what it takes to operate what you're doing,

it's not making enough. And so that's why you feel. Yeah, and it's mainly because here's the top issue is because I really struggle with any sort of marketing skills whatsoever. I am a brilliant person when it comes to my craft. I believe you, Crystal. When it comes to marketing, I get an F. Sure.

How old are you, Crystal? I'm 50. Okay. So here's the challenge, is that you're not making enough to flow to business, for the businesses to succeed, and you're not making enough for Crystal to live off of, because you said, I'm living paycheck to paycheck. So what you're doing is not working. And the goal in life, for sure, when it comes to our careers,

and Ken Coleman talks about this some, of letting your passions and what you do intersect with great money. And that's the pinnacle, right? You do what you love. That's the career you want. And I understand this is the field that you love, Crystal, but it's not working. It's not working. For whatever reason, marketing, you name it. But I think what would be best in your best interest, Crystal, and I don't want to squash these dreams, I think you have a gifting in them, but I want you to get your head above water and have a foundation under you so that you can use your giftings. And so I am wondering, is there a career shift to something that you may not even want to do,

but it's going to pay you more and you're not having to run your own business? That's the counseling part of my business. If I were to go all in on that, I could do it. But I just, I am so exhausted. Sure. So I'm saying, is there even, because how much are you making per year, Crystal? What did you bring in last year? Goodness, I'd have to look at my taxes for that.

I don't have that off hand. I make, I pull in about three grand a month variable because if I do get consulting gigs, Okay, so you may be making 40 grand, would you say, a year? Yeah, maybe 42. Okay, 42. Okay, so I'm just wondering crystal and again i'm just throwing this out there because i just i want you to to get some traction from an income standpoint you know is there an admin job is there something that's just totally out of left

that won't pay enough but i mean this is the thing is i've tried all of that everything okay well then as much as i make with counseling. Yeah, but here's the thing. The skill set you have in counseling, the training is used in every field possible. So I guess I'm just respectfully disagreeing with you on this. You can take those skills that teach you how to be empathetic, how to listen, how to communicate, how to sell. You can use those everywhere. And go make 55 somewhere. Make 55. That's exactly right. We believe in you.

Hang on the line. We're going to send you Ken Coleman stuff. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. We are so glad you are here. Let's go out to Anaheim, California and talk to Tiffany. What's up, Tiffany? Hi. How's it going? Helloaheim, California and talk to Tiffany. What's up, Tiffany? Hi.

How's it going? Hello there. Good. How are you? We are having the time of our life. You sound like it sometimes. How can we help? Yeah, I have three kids. They're all married. Almost 12 grandkids. Anyway,

the middle one got remarried. Hold on. Anytime somebody refers to their kid by their place in line and not their name, I know this is going to be an awesome call. Us middle children. Well, the middle one. The middle one.

Yeah, me too. I was there. But anyway, yeah, we enjoyed raising our kids and all. It's just kind of tenuous right now. So they got married and had some kids recently in the last year, and she had had one with a previous. Anyways, they moved in, and now we're trying to figure out, since we saw they were a sinking ship, we said you can move in. It's been six months.

And we're trying to figure out, I like to do it in a way that's got some grace to it, but also that it's not working with my husband having a chronic illness. And it's just more than what we planned to have the whole group. Yeah, what was the sinking ship? What caused you in the first place that they needed to move in?

Me? Yeah, you said they were a sinking ship? What caused you in the first place that they needed to move in? Me? Yeah, yeah, you said they were a sinking ship. What was going on? Well, I think his side of the family thought they could handle this condo price and it was way more than they could with his job. I don't know. It is like their lifestyle. Then they bought a car

and then, you know, just stuff happened. So here's the simplest way forward. Number one, you have to get over the idea that you can figure out a way to do this conflict-free. Okay? Okay. So that's number one. All right, get over that. Expect conflict.

Cool. We made peace with that. The second thing is you and your husband decide two months, three months, six months, and have a very clear exit strategy where you sit down very directly, and I'd recommend writing it down because I know these family discussions can get kind of messy and you get emotional. Right.

Write down, all right, good folks, in six months, y'all are out. In three months, you're out. Sure. And what must be true for that to happen? Because in three months, we're changing the locks, right? And obviously, you could do that with a smile on your face, et cetera um but when they look at you and say oh

you're throwing us to the street no no no no we've been a place to be a safe harbor and and you can smile and laugh and be like old hubby over here too many people in the house right too many people in the house i miss him and y'all can laugh and they'll go oh mom gross and all that but six months it's it or three months it is or four months it is or january one y'all can laugh and they'll go, ooh, mom, gross, and all that, but six months, it's it, or three months, it is, or four months, it is, or January 1, y'all are out. So give them some runway, whatever you and your husband think is fair and right,

and they're going to fight and push back, and we can't find a place to live. I can't believe you're putting your grandkids on the street. All that stuff is coming, and you and your husband make a choice what's best for y'all two. And Tiffany, let me remind you, you brought them in, in the the first place on the sinking ship.

That was not a terminal illness. It was not a death of a spouse. It was because his condo payment was too high. So let's be honest. They are adults. They are adults. And they are not making adult-like financial decisions. So while you can sweep in and definitely help and be encouragement there,

you can't be the hammock, right? Like the safety net becomes a hammock at that point. And again, there is reasons to move home. I am not one of these that are like, you should never move back with your parents, right? There are things in life. There's divorce that happened. I mean, things happen and you are gracious to leave.

But remember why you brought them in the first place. The sinking ship was because of their own choices in the first place. So remember that. Okay, you want to have some fun with them, Tiffany? Yes. Okay. Whatever you and your husband decide. Let's pretend y'all meet tonight out on the back porch,

and he says, I got three months left in me, or I'm going to kill them all. Okay? So I want you to go back to your daughter and say, Hey, um, you have two months or, um, I'm going to give you Tiffany,

a financial peace university, all the videos for free. Okay. If they stay, they can stay, but they have to watch the videos with you one One night in a row for nine straight nights. All nine videos together. One night in a row.

Is that fair? Did you say all nine videos? There's nine lessons. And nobody wants to sit on a couch with their mom and watch finance videos. Nobody. Oh, that is so cool i was thinking the financial piece was told to me that it really helped this one gal's daughter who had 80 000 in debt it's amazing it'll give you all the tips because yeah you want to help that's a great way

to love them right is to teach them and show them how to handle their money so when they are off on their own they're not making these kind of decisions like what caused them to move in with you in the first place. Can we have real talk for 30 seconds? Nobody's listening. It's just me and you and a couple million people. Thank you. Okay. Real talk. Okay. You have to stop carrying around the guilt

of whatever happened in their childhood because you're trying to make it up on the back end and you can't do that. You're going to end up capping them at the knees. No, yeah. Okay. I've been in seven years of, yeah, a class to help me with all that. Right on.

The greatest gift you can give them is to say, hey, here's the boundary. Here's the finish line. I'll extend it a little bit if you guys will watch these videos. And here's the main reason I'm giving them to you. I know you have some guilt in your heart because you think some of their decision making processes are your fault. I should have told them. I should have done this. So we're going to square all that up for you.

They will have the information that they can take into the world and become millionaires. And then you have to let them go. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to stamp this saying. I want you to put it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror in your bathroom. Choose guilt over resentment.

Choose guilt over resentment. Here's what that means. When they start yelling at you, I can't believe you're kicking us out. Your grandkids are going to starve because you're so rude. You're going to feel guilty but if you let them stay every time you see your your wife's husband you're going to get sick to your stomach and be pissed your wife's husband oh oh oh yeah he's really thankful uh she's still right every time you see every time you see your grandkids you're going to get resentful and they don't deserve that grandkids she won't, she will because the grandkids are knuckleheads too.

No. They're beautiful in doses. They're the blessing part of it. That's why there's the grace to hang in there. I want you to feel guilty for a few weeks. Not resentful for the next four years. Not resentful.

Okay, that sounds awesome. And even though there's this baby due coming up they get to meet you i'm not going to tell y'all what the time is that's for y'all to decide yeah y'all i don't know i don't know the ins and outs of this deal thank you yeah yeah but but also it's the clear communication tiffany always when there is a when there is a meshing of two families like this that are living under the same roof whether it's a mother the same roof, whether it's a mother-in-law, whether it's a daughter-in-law, son-in-law, it is clear communication. To be unclear is to be unkind.

So to be kind is to be very, very, very clear. And that's going to help everything, right? Because if it's, and especially if it's written down like John said, there's just facts there and that's what we're going off of. And that helps when all the emotion is triggered in the conversation too.

Because if you don't say anything, it's going to build and build and build. And one day you're going to lose your mind, put all their stuff on the front yard. And they are going to legitimately be like, what happened? And you will have been angry for a year and they won't have known about it. They just thought every kid smears boogers and toothpaste on the wall and it's fine. Grandma, it's fine. And you just snap, say in six months or in one year or right when your new baby is born or whenever the things are it's all good and listen parents you got to teach your kids about money and you got to learn

about money listen as we're heading into fall it's time to get everybody's money in the right place i want you to join jade warshall we will all be working for Jade one day here at Ramsey, and we know this. She's the best there is. Join Jade and the EveryDollar team for free live training Tuesday, October 29th at 1 p.m. Eastern, 12 Central. It's during your lunch hour. You can do it.

You can register for free at RamseySolutions.com slash webinar, or click the link in the description if you're listening on the tubes or on podcasts. Over 100, thousand people have registered for this free live training in the past and now it's your turn you learn how to budget learn how to budget and um oh there's a couple other things you're gonna learn to do learn how to budget and then you're gonna also learn how to budge it tiffany's uh uh daughter and uh son-in-law should yes sign up for that i would i would give it to them but it's for free. It's for free. Tiffany, hang on the line. We're going to hook you up with Financial Peace

University and everybody go to ramsaysolutions.com slash webinar to learn the basic skills of dealing with your money so you can build wealth over time and be madhouse generous. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. Today's scripture of the day is from Deuteronomy 28.12. The Lord will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give you the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand. You shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow.

Warren Buffett says, Rule number one, never lose money. Rule number two, never forget rule number one. Little WB, man. He's the GOAT. The GOAT. Let's go out to Ottawa and talk to Raquel. Hey, Raquel, what's going on? Hi, how are you?

Doing great. How about you? Good, good. Thank you so much for taking my call. Of course. Thanks for Doing great. How about you? Good, good. Thank you so much for taking my call. Of course. Thanks for calling us. What's up? So I'm calling just because I'm in a little bit of a dilemma. Do bear with me. I am a little bit nervous, too. Oh, you're good.

That's all good. Rachel's really nervous, so you're in good company. We're the same. So I'm in a bit of a dilemma whether I should leave my current employer and seek a new job just because of a little bit of all the hassle that it comes with. What does that mean? So I recently went into house cleaning in November of last year. And I started doing house cleaning with someone who just registered their business. And they just weren't sure whether to put me as a subcontractor or employee. Then they decided in the long run to put me as a subcontractor. But they still treat me as an employee.

Like they set my wages. I only work with them. They say I can't like work with like anyone else. Otherwise like they would have to like hire someone else. I pay for the supplies like out of pocket as well. And yeah, it's just, and I didn't't really out of my own ignorance I didn't really think to put that much aside for taxes because they also don't take that out or anything like that. You have no insurance or anything either? No I don't. How much do you bring home in this job? I would say about maybe $2,700.

A month? A month, yes. With no insurance, no matching, no supplies kick in, and no retirement or anything? No. Yeah. I mean, just hearing me say that all back to you, what's your next move? You know the right answer, right? Yes.

Yeah. Why do you feel stuck here? Like, I've talked to you for three minutes, and I already think you're worth more than you think you are. Why is that? I'm not sure. I just feel very stuck. I'm just going from one job to another without really a path

or anything that's really leading me to anything. How old are you? 24. 24. Do you have a degree? Have you studied anything? No, I haven't. I wasn't able to go to college due to my legal status for a bit.

But then once I was able to, I went into it, but it was more because everyone was like, oh, you have it, so go. And it's like, I don't know what I want to study. So I just kind of chose something and COVID happened and it didn't work out. Yeah. Raquel, what's your, from like a month to month situation, like where are you living? Do you have kids? Like what's kind of your life month to month expenses wise? So I don't have any kids. I'm living uh my sister currently okay uh i was i was living with my parents uh but then they moved back home so then um i moved in like with my sister okay okay

where's home uh el salvador okay all right um rachel what do you what do you enjoy you know what about um what are things in life that you're like, man, I one day, if I was 34 and I was doing this 10 years from now, that would be just, that would be a dream. Do you have aspirations like that? I haven't really in a while. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the lack of vision for your life and probably to what John called out, I think a lack of believing in yourself. I think there's something in there and in who you're created to be that is unique. And you bring strengths and you bring a heart and a mind that looks at situations different than the next person.

Right. and you bring a heart and a mind that looks at situations different than the next person, right? So these natural giftings that you have can be played into the marketplace where you can make an incredible career. And not that what you're doing is not. I mean, like, man, you could start your own house cleaning business and have people under you

and make this a whole thing, right? I mean, like it can look all different ways, but I want something that's fulfilling for you long-term, but in the short term, making a wise career decision to at least bring in what you're worth and what you're capable of making is a great first step. So in this type of work that you're doing now, are there other companies out there that you see that you've maybe researched and say, okay, they pay better there, and they give benefits, and that would be a next good step to at least get me in a better place in the present or

do you know of other options out there um they're all kind of um like they're all kind of the same like where i live uh like they there are some who give benefits, but they do pay a lot less. They pay around $18,000. I think they pay around $18,000. You have to pay for the gas and stuff like that.

Can I tell you, Raquel, if you were my sister, you know what I would tell you to do? Here's what you have going for you. Were you born and raised in El Salvador no but that's that's like the culture I grew up in okay are you multilingual sorry are you multilingual do you speak multiple languages yes I speak Spanish and English okay you speak Spanish and English. Okay, you speak Spanish and English. Here's what I'm looking at as a guy who's done a lot of hiring in my life. I'm looking at somebody who is not afraid to get on their hands and knees and scrub toilets. Someone who's not afraid to stay like thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away from their family and their support network and their system.

I'm looking at somebody who can speak multiple languages. So I want you to hear me say, when you don't see it, you have extraordinary gifts that many, many employers would love to have. You know why? Because not because like you yourself are a product, but because you can help a whole bunch of customers and across a whole bunch of different places. If you were my sister in the exact same situation, you know what I would tell you to do? Go find a job at a local university because you're not scared to do anything. And get on the kitchen crew, get on the custodial staff crew, get on any way to get in the door, and they're going to give you a discount to take classes. Okay. I'm also going to give you a copy of Ken Coleman's book, Find Work You're Wired to Do. And inside of that, it comes with his Get Clear

Assessment. It's a long assessment. It takes a while to do, but I want you to dig into it. And it will give you, when it's all said and done, it will direct you to a few different places where, man, you want to look into these fields because it seems like this is where your heart beats and where the world needs you okay okay is that fair yes okay and Raquel I just want to encourage you you're 24 years old and you have an entire life ahead of you. And the fact that you're asking these questions and you're bumping up against this, which I know you just called because it's a money thing right now. But this is a bigger conversation for you, Raquel. And the beautiful thing that I see is like, oh, my gosh, like the sky is the limit. Like there is so much you can do.

And your road is going to look different than the person next to you but but these little steps at a time doing it it's going to feel like a stretch it could be scary right to walk into a university and be like yeah i'm going to be employed like it's going to be intimidating but raquel have the confidence that you can do this you can do it is that fair yes that's fair all right and listen when was 24, podcasting and YouTube did not exist. The job I had before this, my title was associate provost. That job didn't exist on the planet back then. Okay.

So you don't even know what 34 and 44 and 54 hold for you. Who knows these jobs are being created right now. I want you just to light up because you have value and worth too. Hang on the line here. We'll get you hooked up with Ken Coleman stuff for everybody else out there. This has been the Ramsey show. We're so glad you're joining us. Can't wait to hook up next time right here on the Ramsey show. Thank you. We'll see you next time.