The Ramsey Show - App - Don’t Live in Fear, Take Control of Your Debt! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

Kristina Ellis & Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss:   "Do I need to move to save money?"  "I'm drowning in debt and worried I'll lose my car" from the blog: How Does Car Repossession Work? The high cost of counseling, "Should I pay off my ex to avoid giving her a share of my pension?" "I'm being sued by Wells Fargo" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pod's moving and storage studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm your host, Christina Ellis, joined today by my co-host and good friend, Dr. John Deloney. We're taking your calls at 888-825-5225. Hey, there's a lot going on in

the world this week. A lot of drama. We've got spy balloons. We've got UFOs. We've got China. We've got money stress, inflation, and it's a lot to process. If you need a friend today to just talk to, if you've got personal things going on in your life and you just need someone to connect with, we are here for you. So give us a call, 888-825-5225. Let's go to the phones. First up, we have Kathy calling from Naples, Florida. Hey, Kathy, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much. Thanks for calling.

Yeah, my question is, I moved to Florida about a year ago and kind of following a dream. I'm a registered nurse, 63-year-old divorcee, and I came down with an incentive, like an $18,000 incentive from the hospital. And so I kind of made that as an excuse to pay like $2,700 in rent, I figured, for a year to figure out what I'm doing. And it turns out that the year is up and kind of the incentives are spent. And now I have a choice to make whether I'm going to spend half of my paycheck, which is the take-home pay, about $2,700 on rent, or purchase a home, which I'm trying to do. But I'm finding that the homes in the town that I'm in, just outside Naples,

is more than what I sold my home back in Illinois for. What was this dream you were following? I don't know. You know, my kids came to school down here, and when I visited, I kind of fell in love with the area, and I just felt like I want to get out of the cold. Um, you know, I'm having to work for at least a few or several more years and I thought the traveling will be easier. Um, and anyway, so I find myself here and, um, now a year is up and I'm kind of looking at getting a mortgage if I stay in the town that I really like, or I could go home, which is not

really against, I'm not totally against that, but, you know, I'd be with my family and friends up there. But anyway, I'm just, I'm feeling kind of torn. Well, here's where that question about your dream is important. If you want to change the weather, great. That's awesome. I totally get that. I grew up in Texas and it's a thousand degrees most of the year. And so I wanted to go to a place where I was going to have seasons. Or maybe you had a divorce and you just took off because you needed to be away for a season. And that makes sense too. You want to be around your kids or you saw them having fun and you thought it'd make you feel 20 years younger and you want to go,

like whatever it is, what I don't want to tell you is you should go back home and be with your family or you should stay here. I want you to make decisions that are best for the plans you have, but often when we start chasing dreams,

that's when we make dumb decisions financially. We get ourselves in a mess if we don't know why we're chasing this dream. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. It certainly does. Yeah, and Kathy, I think there's a lot of middle ground here. So you want to stay longer, correct?

You're not done with the dream. You want to be there. Is that a correct assessment? Yeah. You know, it's funny because I feel kind of torn. You know, I've got six children and like half are there. And, you know, anyway, yeah, I feel kind of torn. I guess I haven't really made that.

Hey, what if I, Kathy, what if I said, I don't, who cares about your kids? What do you want to do? I know, thank you. I'm just like, I'm your friend. We're having nachos. I don't care what your kids are doing. They're busy. They've got their own lives. What do you want to do?

Do you want to go back to Chicago? If you do, you had a fun year paid for by some hospital in Florida as a good control-alt-delete, and we're going to go back to Chicago. Awesome. Or do you want to stay in Florida and rock it on until the break of dawn? You get to pick. Are you going to move to Nebraska? Forget everybody. What is it that you want to stay in Florida and rock it on to the break of dawn? Like you get to pick. Are you going to move to Nebraska? Forget everybody. Like what is it that you want to do?

Yeah, I guess if I would decide for myself, I probably would stay. Well, then if you stay, I think right now there's kind of like two big buckets you're seeing it as. $2,700 in rent, which is super expensive, or buying a house. But I think there's a pretty big middle ground. $2,700 in rent, which is super expensive or buying a house. But I think there's a pretty big middle ground. $2,700 is a lot. Have you looked around the area to see what other rent prices are? Yes, you know what I did? And you know, because I'm kind of stuck on this little town I'm in, it's, yeah, I'm pretty much, I'm part of the lowest rent around here. Is it just you?

It's really, things are super inflamed. Yeah, is it just you or do you have a spouse? It's just me. I mean, I know it's not necessarily traditional whenever you're older, but have you considered maybe even living with a roommate? Especially if this is like an adventure, it's a season of life. This is not something that you are for sure you want to settle into for years to come. Maybe you could have somebody else who's in a similar season, you know, live with you for a period.

Are you comfortable with that? You know what, that's a good idea. You know what, I've been told that, but I've not wrapped my head around it. But that would make sense since I'm kind of indecisive and that would buy me more time. I actually, this incentive actually is going to end a year from now. So I'm a year in and so, you know, anyway, the right money they gave me is basically gone, but I would have to pay back a little bit if I left. What are you making as your nurse job? Like besides the incentive? I'm sorry, would you repeat that?

What is your salary outside of this incentive? It's about 82. Okay. So do you ever get those things in the mail that it's like, hey, buy one window, get one free, we're going to be in your area, or come down to Golden Corral and we got to buy one, get one free. You ever get those kind of coupony things?

Yeah, yeah. Do you feel like you have to use them all? Yeah, uh-huh. Do you? Do I feel it? Do you feel like you have to go to golden corral and spin that thing or you have to go get new windows in your house every time you get one of those things no no personally not no okay so i want you to be really grateful i mean this this company must really value you and

your skill set you must be incredible what you do because they offered you this cool incentive. And you don't have to take it. It doesn't have to be part of your life if you don't want it to be. You don't have to. You're not beholden to this gift somebody gave you because suddenly it becomes really comfortable handcuffs, right? Well, and I think that there's just, yeah, there's a lot of pressure. I think right now there's kind of like extremes. And I think that can often lead to indecisiveness because it feels like I have to go all in on this decision or all in on that decision. But I think right now you have a lot of options.

And whether it's, you know, getting a roommate or going back home, like see this season of life as an adventure. Like you said, it was a dream when you started it. And it still can be a dream. But I think if you start putting that pressure on, I have to buy a house immediately, that's when it can start feeling like kind of stressful. So thanks for the call, Kathy. We were cheering for you. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys, health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved

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Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budgets at chministries.org slash budgets. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. We're taking your calls at 888-825-5225. With debt payments and now inflation stealing more and more from your paycheck. We know a lot of you feel like you're drowning and you're scared to death that you won't have enough to take care of your family.

You shouldn't have to live with that kind of stress. But if you want things to change, you need to say I've had it and decide to try new things with your money. That means it's time to try Financial Peace University. This is our nine lesson course that will teach you how to beat debt and build wealth. It's everything you wish you learned about how to handle money. Nearly 10 million people have taken FPU and they'll tell you that you don't have to worry about money like you used to. They're in control and you can be in control too. Decide you're done stressing out about money and take control. Start Financial Peace University at ramseysolutions.com slash FPU. That's ramseysolutions.com slash FPU. All right, John, this is an exciting day. It is our first time co-hosting together.

This is our first time? Yeah, this is our first time. Oh man, look at that. We sit 10 feet away from each other, but it is our first time oning together. This is our first time? Yeah, this is our first time. Oh, man, look at that. We sit 10 feet away from each other, but it is our first time on air together. That's awesome, man. It's an exciting day. I can't think of a more exciting thing. That's incredible. So awesome.

All right, next up, we have Roger calling from Bethesda, Maryland. Hey, Roger, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you for taking my call. I really appreciate it. I've been watching the show on YouTube and highlights and got a lot of informative information and, you know, trying to fix my life. And I was wondering if you guys can help me out in this situation I'm in. Yeah,

well, shoot, shoot. Let's hear what's going on. So I'm about like total 45k in debt right now. I've already started saving, you know, my emergency fund and all and everything. But the thing that's bothering me right now is what one of my credit unions, um, I went ahead and paid off my car loan with them, but with the same credit union, I have a debt consolidation loan and a credit card that defaulted. The credit card is about 25 K. The debt consolidation is about 16 K. And what I fear is that they did try to reach out back before COVID, but I haven't heard from

them. And now I'm hearing nothing. And when I paid off the car from the credit union, I didn't receive my title. So I called the bank and they told me that I should call the, the, the folks that took on the debt. And my question to you guys is, is this something I should be proactive and reach out? Because I don't have enough saved up for this yet. And pretty much, you know, I'm not ready to negotiate. And I'm worried that could they come after my car? That's my first question for you guys. They can't hold your car. They can't hold your car title hostage. You paid that loan off, okay? Did you pay the loan off?

Yeah, I paid the loan off in December. So whatever money I have saving up for that is what I'm saving up on the side. And I'm just afraid. Roger, sorry to interrupt. I want you to change. You've got to change your language here, okay? And there's a reason why I'm adam to interrupt. I want you to change, you got to change your language here, okay? And there's a reason why I'm adamant about it. Your credit card didn't default itself.

You didn't pay your bills, right? Yes, correct. What has kept you from working two jobs, three jobs, five jobs, seven jobs to make sure that you, you signed on a piece of paper. Hey, if you let me have this money, I'll pay you back. What's keeping you from doing that, man? Uh, nothing really. I mean, I am working two jobs. I have my day job and then I do drive for Uber right now. Um, I, I, I recently just, um, started my sobriety. I'm about a hundred days into that. Awesome. Fixing my life and, you know, I went through a lot years ago. I'm about 100 days into that. Awesome. Fixing my life. Fixing my life. And, you know, I went through a lot years ago, and I finally, you know, faced it and trying to fix it.

So I'm working these two jobs. It's just, you know, a matter of I'm afraid because prior to this, trying to fix this mess, I was sued by Discovered. And they also came after me. They actually garnished my check and I had to plead and beg with them on a deal where I'm pretty much forking over a lot of money to them almost on a monthly basis, you know, but you know what, paying them down and saving up money. How much do you owe in total? Uh, I don't have the exact number, but I think it's up around 45,000.

Okay. When you, so when you feel this sense of fear take over, it feels like, kind of feels like you're drowning, right? Like everybody wants a piece of you. Everybody's calling you. But there's a great power in sitting down with a pen and a piece of paper and going through all of the accounts that you owe money to and writing them all down in order of smallest to largest. And you may find out you owe 60 instead of 45. And I'm telling you, you're going to have more peace knowing facts, knowing the data, than just wondering who's going to hit you next.

If you can walk into a room and know those wondering who's going to hit you next. If you can walk into a room and know those two guys are going to hit me, then you can defend yourself, you can leave, you can avoid those guys or whatever you got to do. But if you just walk into a room and think anybody can hit me at any time, your body's going to sound those alarms 24-7, 365. So get some real data. The second thing is, and again, I'm asking these questions, not as judgments or anything, but I want to inspire you. Why haven't you gotten in your car and driven down to the credit union and demanded to speak to somebody, not demand like a jerk, but like demand with respect and dignity, like sit down and talk to somebody and say,

I'm over my head. I'm really sober. I know I made a mess. How bad is it? And how do we build a plan moving out? Like what's kept you from doing that? So I actually did call the bank. No, no, no. Go down there in person. Okay. Yeah, because they're just giving me the phone number of the folks that are holding the debt.

And I'm like, I really want to be adamant about fixing this. You need to go talk to somebody and look them in the eye and say, my name is Roger and I'm back. Okay. And I've scratched and clawed my way back from hell. And Dan, I just want to tell you, I'm proud of you. 100 Days Sober is a huge accomplishment. I'm proud of you.

I appreciate it. Yeah, that's huge. I think you need to really, like you're saying, dig deep and find, it feels like there's fear in there. There's a little bit of intimidation. I think before you said you had discover, come after you and garnish your wages and, and you're a little bit afraid you've kind of sulked back, but we want you to charge forward charge at them, make the people at the bank start to feel like they're dreading you come in, like, bring $2 in if that's all you have to pay that day, like show them that you are showing up and you're not going to deal with it. Like you're, you are going to deal with it, but you're not going to deal with their crap. So I would really get proactive about it. Like you said, you know, you're asking, should I be proactive? Absolutely. What are you doing for work right now? Besides Uber, you say you had a full-time job? Yeah. So I'm a facilities supervisor. So I mean, I'm thankful that I do make enough to provide for myself.

I have, you know, good fortune and, you know, my living conditions and all, and I've cut down and cut back a lot of my expenses and what I was doing. What do you make of your salary? So, I'm at a total, my W-2 from last year showed us 63. Okay. So, at 63, are you renting a place? You got an apartment or something? No, I'm actually renting a room from a family member.

Oh, fantastic. So your living expenses are pretty low, huh? Yeah, they are very low. So I've been able to save up the emergency fund, and I'm going on saving up a little by little to try to attack this debt. But like I was trying to say, when I did try to talk to the bank, they're like, Hey, both accounts are already, you know, to another credit,

another creditor or they sold it off to someone else. And I'm like, okay, well, when I try to talk to discover folks, they were so adamant about me paying the right amount and this and that. And I didn't build it. Like you guys are you guys are saying, it built up a fear. That's right. I don't want to call those people. And like you're saying, going to the bank and talk to them directly, I don't know,

they're going to direct me to that same number and say, hey, you have to call them. Okay, so you just changed the story a little bit. If they've already sold your loans, they've already sold your loans. They need to provide you with who they sold them to and a contact info there. And listen, just think of it this way.

Like, you do owe them money, right? So I'm not going to be mad at somebody who they sold them to and a contact info there. And listen, just think of it this way. Like you do owe them money, right? So I'm not going to be mad at somebody calling me to get my money. If they act like a jerk or treat you less than you can just hang up the phone and you could say, Hey, I'm not, I'm not interested in you being disrespectful. I'll pay you when I can, or when you're ready to work up a plan with me, that's fantastic. Um, but they are going to come after your stuff. They are going to call you and call you and call you because they want to get their money back. And I am okay with that. What I really don't want you doing anymore is trying to save and save and do this. Just start throwing every extra penny you have on the debt. Throw it all on there. Get very clear about what

you owe. Put all of your debts in order from smallest to largest and start knocking them off one by one. What you need is a bunch of little wins, my brother, a bunch of little wins. Pay off the 35 bucks, the $75 loan, the a hundred bucks here, the $200 credit card, start working your way up, man, and throw every penny you have outside of that thousand bucks on this debt. Get it done with, man. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. We're taking your calls at 888-825-5225. All right, Deloney, I want to talk about something. It's a little bit sensitive. I feel like a lot of people don't want to talk about this, but it's a struggle that kind of crosses our worlds together. Are you going to talk about how fast i'm aging please don't not on air i'm sensitive i'll make fun of

you in private yeah so what's up so we've talked a lot you have suggested especially internally here with the personalities we should all see a counselor right and and a lot of team members here talk about counseling so i finally decided i I'm going to get a counselor. You made the call. I made the call. Okay. Which is great. I'm excited about it.

But then I asked for a quote. Deloney. I literally got quoted $165 for a 50-minute counseling session. Yeah. I, okay. Hey, I literally, right before the show started, I could pull my phone up and show you, right before the phone, like this show started,

I just set up another appointment with mine. So yes, I'm in that boat with you. It's expensive. Yeah, and we just did no spend month. I literally spent $100 a week on groceries for a family of four. And now I'm going to spend $165 to talk to someone that's $3 a minute and I know it's good I hope they're going to change my life yeah but we do know mental health is important and I feel

like we're constantly saying on air get a counselor take care of your mental health but the costs that's a real struggle for a lot of people so yeah and there's oh man you're gonna get me in trouble with this so with everybody so across the country there are shortages everywhere so there's calls all the way up in washington at all the way down to the local level we need more counselors need more counselors need more counselors and i coming from that world, that's my community, that's my gang. I agree. I think I called one today. I find great value. And anytime it's just basic economics when there's as much of a scarcity as there is, like in Nashville where we live, it's hard to find somebody that will take insurance.

They just go to cash pay because their books are completely full with people who can write $150 checks an hour. And that's awesome. Dave pays you and I real well, 150 bucks, 165 bucks hurts, right? It's a lot of money. And so beneath that is a whole swath of people that could no more write a check for 150 bucks than they can write a check for $1,500, right? Yeah. I'm like, if it's hurting me, like this, this is an issue for a lot of people. That's exactly right. So, um, so I want to point out and I want to do this carefully and with respect, more people are in counseling right now that have ever been in professional counseling in the history of the world. Right. And what I mean by that is a licensed mental health

profession, which is a relatively new thing, whether it's an LMFD or a social worker or whatever. And the anxiety and depression rates continue to skyrocket. And so I want to say, I go talk to a counselor to help me navigate problems. When I was doubled over with anxiety, I couldn't move and I was radioactive. A counselor was instrumental in getting me from point A to point B. But what I'm seeing more and more is, or hearing more and more is, I've had this counselor for seven years and I always stop somebody and go, why? Why are you seeing the same therapist for seven years without stopping every week? See what I'm saying? So I also, while I want people to get in line and go see counselors, I also want them to get a close set of two or three or four friends they can be super open and super vulnerable with because we have professionalized human interaction in many ways.

We have a very, very lonely generation. I've talked about that all the time. of going to ask a group of people, like, hey, you want to come over? Or you want to go get drinks and nachos or whatever? We just call a therapist and we'd rather pay the 150 bucks than deal with the discomfort. And so I'm challenging folks to also seek out human connection in other places. So when it comes down to like

actually making these payments, there's a couple of options. I did my entire counseling practicum with an extraordinary group that was specifically designed for low-income or students or folks who just couldn't make it work financially. And also, the university I worked at had multiple different programs that had clinics for people who were not students to come in and it was 10 bucks or 30 bucks or it was free. Right. And so I want people to get creative about looking at the local universities

in their area and see if they've got a clinics that they have for the general public. Right. Is there a sliding scale with your counselor and just say, Hey, I know you're the rate on your brochure is 165 bucks. I make $9 an hour. Many, many hour many many many therapists in fact i would say most um have a sliding scale that would say okay we'll see you for 45 bucks an hour or we can do it for 50 bucks an hour or whatever that looks like and make sure you're calling your um insurance company to see if they can help out with the copay right and then the other big one is we're blessed here at ramsey we have a program that that dave the company will pick up x dot number of dollars per session right for x number of sessions a year and so ask your employer do they have any programs for someone seeking mental

health counseling if you feel safe doing that right not everybody does but but um yeah that's huge especially in a great place to reach out first responder world so my husband is retired police and they had an entire mental health department but a lot of cops didn't utilize it you know they're out there seeing death every day they're seeing all these dramatic circumstances and ending up having ptsd and all these different symptoms and yet still not wanting to go in and see a counselor that's right and the resource was free so make sure especially if you're in that situation where in your job, you're seeing a lot on a daily basis, nurses, so many nurses work through COVID and saw horrors and atrocities. And, you know, there's cops in the field, there's firefighters, like use those resources that are available that are literally

included as part of your job. That's exactly right. And it's real easy that your job becomes your entire network. It becomes your entire network. It becomes your friend network. It becomes your work colleague network. And I was always recommending people to get connected with people outside of your work environment. It just changes the dynamic, right? You might be a little bit less honest if this person next to you might want your job someday. Or you might be a little uncomfortable to tell your friend who also has a reporting obligation that you're struggling with an addiction of some sort, right? So that's when you might want to reach out to a counselor,

go to a local group, go to a local group counseling is another way that's really so incredible. But there's a lot of options if you want to get creative. The main message I want to pass along is if you need to get counseling, figure out a way to make it work. Okay. That may mean that y'all aren't eating out. Right.

And that means that you're not buying clothes. And people often say like, or we're not going to sign up for soccer the next few months. And that sounds like the end of times. I promise that your kids will want a regulated dad, a dad that feels healthy more so than playing a soccer game. I promise you, right? That's so good. Figure out a way to make it happen and talk about sliding scale, be open, be vulnerable, and then get some guys and some men and women in your life that you can be friends with and be vulnerable with.

So how do you know if you have the ability to spend money on a counselor and let's say your baby step, you know, four through seven, like, how do you know that it's time to prioritize? I would say, I would say even if you're in baby step one, if you're a baby step, like you would not go to a doctor and get your medicine. If you need to go see a counselor, if you're struggling with depression, struggling with anxiety, go see somebody. Well, I think a lot of people are frugal, right? They're like, I don't want to spend like, are my problems worth 165? Okay. Yes. And it's not so much your problems as much as you're going to learn some new tools that are going to affect every relationship you have, including the relationship with yourself. Well, that's somebody said that the other day,

they're like, this will ROI like you being a better person, like this money you're spending on this counseling session is going to pay off. Like you will be able to show up to work better. You will be able to help other people better because you are well. And you'll show up with your kids better. You'll show up with your spouse better. You'll show up with your person you're dating. You'll show up everywhere in the world well, right? And I don't say better as though you're worse off. Like you just show up well. You show up in that elusive magic word that now feels like a fairy tale. You up with peace right and so the the art of counseling the counseling relationship what you're doing is you're practicing being in relationship with somebody and as a mid-40s guy played texas high school football like i know how to do all the crush it and kill it and drag it

i didn't have the skills to sit down and be in a relationship with somebody and say i'm not all right i don't i don't i didn't know how to even do that without sounding ridiculous to myself. A counselor helped me practice being in relationship and that made me a way better husband. It makes me a way better dad. It makes me a way better work colleague, right? Yes. And I think it's so important to take the stigma away because I grew up with an immigrant mom where it was like muscle through it. You're tough. And for a while it was like counseling, that's not something you do. And I just love that. It's for weak and broken people. Yeah. Right. And I love that we're talking about it now and that you're talking about it and just making it something

that's normal. Yeah. No, I wouldn't be here without it. And I don't go every day for seven years. Right. It's both and. But make the call, figure it out. ramsaysolutions.com and click the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for your financial journey based on exactly where you are today. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash get started. All right, next we have Jose calling from Long Beach, California. Hey, Jose, welcome to the show. Well, thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. How can we help? My question is, I'm thinking about paying out or buying out my ex-wife for my pension. I just retired a year and a half ago, and the buyout would be $65,000 cash. If I didn't pay her out, basically she'd get $1,000 out of my pension every month.

Do you have $65,000? Yes. I would write that check today and be done with that relationship forever. Oh, okay. That's what my brother said. And listen, I don't even know if that works mathematically, and I don't care. Oh, okay. Like, the longer y'all are braided together, man, it's just more room for mess, dude.

All right. You know what? That's exactly what I was told. But I said, you know what? Let me look on YouTube. And I looked up Ramsey, and he has all these different talks about money, financial decisions, and stuff like that. And I said, let me call these guys and see what direction they can guide me. Now, hold on.

Listen, Jose, I'm impulsive, and I also am relational. Christina, am I wrong? You're not wrong. Okay. All right. All right. Christina is an infinitely wiser and more measured human being than I am. If somebody breaks up with me and we're done, then I'm going to be completely done.

That's just my way of doing life. Right. Like I was sitting here about to math it out and then you said that. And I'm like, I'm with you in that boat. Because, yes, maybe the numbers will add up in a certain way. But if you have the cash, this would be a different conversation if you didn't have the cash. But if you have the cash, I'd be out. I'm done.

I might. I did the numbers, and it shows I make up the difference in like seven to seven and a half years. How old are you? 52. I just retired about a month and a half years. When, how old are you? 52. I just retired about a month and a half ago. So do you, I was going to be mean, man. Do you miss her, Jose? Do you like having to pay her every month

just to stay connected? Well, I haven't started paying her yet. That's what I'm saying. Like I haven't got my first pension check yet, but that's why I got to do this like today or tomorrow. I got to decide. Dude. Because once I get the pension check, I can't

go back. Do y'all still talk? Do y'all still communicate? Well, we have two kids together, so it's like we have to talk. Okay. So, have you broached the idea with... Is it written into your divorce decree that this is an option? Yes.

Basically, she has to just sign a waiver form and it basically eliminates all her community rights to the pension. Will she sign that form? Yeah, she already pretty much done. I just got to push that button to send that money. It's just hard to send a lot of money like that as well. Bye, Felicia.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Pay it off right now. Right now. Be free. Be free.

Well, it's kind of that, like, pick your heart. Like, it's going to be real hard to send that check every month or allow that money to go every month for years. Or six years from now, you're going to meet somebody amazing, and she's going to love the fact you're still paying $1,000 to your ex-wife. She's going to love it. No, that's what I'm trying to find. You know, look at all the finances and say,

okay, I'll get this for my pension. These are my bills for the month. How much do I have left? It's just like all these numbers are loaded to places just trying to make the best decision possible. To me, this is almost entirely a psychological decision, not a math problem. I want

to be done with that as soon as I can. I'm going to continue to honor her and treat her with dignity and respect as the mother of my kids and my kid's mom. I'm going to honor her, but I'm going to move on with my life. I'm going to write her the check and I'm going to be done. Well, and I think it's like big pain up front, right? Like it's a huge hit up front, but then you don't, if you go the other route, it's kind of like a slow burn of resentment. You still have kids together. So it's like's like you're gonna feel that thousand dollars missing from your budget and going man like every month it's like if i didn't have this situation if she wasn't you know in my

life right now in this way i wouldn't have i would have a thousand dollars back and i think that's gonna breed resentment and you don't want that like you you're ready to move on y'all you know you can move on you have the money to do it. So yeah, I'm with you, Deloney. Good for you, man. All right. Up next, we have Victoria calling from Phoenix, Arizona. Hey, Victoria, welcome to the show. Hey, how are you? Hey, we're doing well.

What's up? So I'm in a little bit of a predicament. I went ahead and I had $17,000 in total on a few cards, and I wasn't able to pay it, and so I decided to do debt consolidation. Oh, no. Yeah, and now I'm learning why people don't do that. Why weren't you able to pay your $17,000? At the time, I was a full-time student, and I just moved to Phoenix from Kansas City and the cost of like

my rent was already $1,400 and I have like medical debt. I also owe my car, my auto loan, and I was just very overwhelmed. So I was kind of like, okay, how can I get out of this? And so I was like, just made an impulse decision and thought it would fix things and it made things so much worse. How much total do you have in debt? Total, so on the credit card debt, I owed $17,000. I have about $10,000 in medical bills. And then I have, I think I only owe about $4,000 left on my auto loan. And then obviously life costs. And then did you consolidate all of this or the $17,000 is the consolidation and the rest are separate? No, so the $17,000 is the original amount that I owed.

I now, after the consolidation, according to people that I consolidated with, I now only owe a little over $7,000. Since September, I've paid them $1,700 cause that's when this all started. So I'm a little bit lesser than that now. Do you have, who do you owe the original debt to? Um, I, well, the 17 is dispersed between people. So I have Wells Fargo, American Express, um, the city cards. Do you have anything in writing from them about these settlements or have they started suing you I just got sued

that's why I'm calling so it sounds like you're getting run around from this debt consolidation company I would end all relationship with them immediately and I would call each one of these cards and say I was young and I got scared I did something stupid and will you help me?

I messed up. I would plead with them. And I'm going to say this with all due respect. Is that cool? We're friends. Is that awesome? Let's do it. Be blunt.

I need the honest truth. Okay. I got two PhDs working full time with a wife and kids all the way through. Like school's hard and I'm not, hey, listen, I'm not that smart and I'm not that hard of a school's hard and I'm not, Hey, listen, I'm not that smart and I'm not that hard of a worker. So what I'm telling you is you can figure it out,

but I know you got overwhelmed. You learned a good, expensive, hard lesson, right? You got to go get a job and probably two and probably three. And I think you can still do that and keep up your school stuff. Okay.

I want you, you need a bunch of little wins right now psychologically as much as you need some money. Yeah. Are you working at all right now? I am. Yeah. I have a full-time job. What is your income? Um, I just started at the beginning of last month and if I'm honest, I haven't calculated it out because I didn't officially start to like the middle of January, but my guess is probably under $3,000. Are you getting paid hourly? I make tips and I also get paid hourly. My hourly wage is $10.68 and then it's whatever tips I get because I'm a waitress. Okay. And what did you study? You said you were in school. I studied writing, songwriting and worship. Hey, listen, listen, my degree was

in humanities. We've all been there. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. You need another job besides waitressing. Okay. Another full-time job and the waitress on top of that. And then on Saturdays and Sundays, pick up every shift you possibly can I really want you to work like a maniac for the next 12 to 24 months and just be free for once and for all you know what I mean yeah I would really like to be free that sounds great I know and there's no hacks or secrets I'm so sorry I wish there was like a group of folks who were super bent on helping people they're not they just want to take your money. And then you're the one that gets sued,

not them. Well, and it's like, as you work and as you have that money available, you do have more negotiating power, right? Like if you go out and work like crazy this weekend, you just work 18 hours and you get a big chunk of cash,

then you can go to one of those guys and say, Hey, I've got this much money. Will you accept it to wipe out things? Like, can we be done now? It just gives you a little bit more power. So, girl, that's a lot. That's a lot. That's heavy. But you can do this. You can get through this. It feels like a mountain now, but you'll be out of it before you know it. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back. Hey, it's Christina Ellis. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started on the Ramsey Baby Steps,

go to ramseysolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramseysolutions.com and click Get Started.