The Ramsey Show - App - Don't Loan Your Family Members Money! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Lindsey starts off this hour in Lynchburg, Virginia.

Hi, Lindsey. How are you? Hey, Dave. I'm great. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, my husband and I are just getting started on Baby Step 2.

Mm-hmm. I are just getting started on Baby Step 2, and we have an agreement to pay my mother, who owns the house that we're living in, $70,000. It's not written up. It's an unofficial agreement, but my husband is kind of feeling like the slave to the lender, and I wanted to see if we should work this into our babysit, too. Okay. So let me understand. The house is in your name.

It's my mother's house. It's your mother's house. It's in your mother's name. Yes. Okay. So you don't own the house you're living in, and there's $70,000 that you owe her in order to buy the house?

That's correct. Okay. We're basically doing a rent-to-own, but she has been accepting a very small amount of money from us each month that we need to increase. Gotcha. And I don't know if I... So we continue to take advantage of... So what is the house worth?

About $120,000. Okay. And $70,000 makes you the owner of the house? Correct. And your household income is what? $90,000. Go get a mortgage. I don't know if we would be in the position to do that right now why

um just bad credit okay and we owe we have other debt total debt would be about 170 000 including what we owe her. Okay. All right. What is the other $100,000 on? About $75,000 is student loans combined, mine and his. We have two car loans. We have... What do you owe on the cars? About $7,000 each.

And how long have you been on our plan paying everyone on time? I'm sorry, say that again? You said you had bad credit, but I assume at some point you started paying everyone on time on our plan, right? We're just getting started with the plan. i do have some when was your last late when was your last late payment are you still behind with some people yes i'm behind on the student loans okay all right all right yeah you're not going to get a mortgage you're right okay um well you have two or three options today, okay? Okay.

Number one, you can move and rent somewhere else and just walk away from the deal. Tell her to sell the house. She just can't stand it, okay? That's probably not the best option, but that is an option. It solves the problem, right? Number two, we can, and this is the one I would suggest, we can write up an agreement that you guys both sign, your mom and you and your husband. And it states very clearly what the terms of this agreement are. Okay.

We are renting the property for X number of dollars. Put a set amount on there. And then always pay that amount every month, like you were going to be evicted if you didn't pay it whatever that amount is and we have the right the option to purchase the property for seventy thousand dollars for five years whatever make it up okay so you're you're renting with an option to purchase and you draw that up you write it up as a written agreement. And you might even run by a real estate office, pick up a lease, sign a lease for this amount and an option to purchase. And your mom signs that, you guys sign that.

Then if something happens to her, you have a document that the estate would be liable to uphold. Okay. You're not stuck not you're not stuck and so that puts a more of a business a properly done business transaction which is how you should have done this in the first place in place until you can get some of these debts paid down and get some distance between today and your and have you know a, two years of good payments. You're paying on time or early while you're getting out of debt in the next two years. You should be debt-free in two years. Okay.

Not counting the house, okay? And if you do that, then during that time, your credit is going to heal enough to get a mortgage, and you will have been paying rent. Okay. So when you say we should be able to be debt-free, you mean aside from? Aside from the mortgage. Aside from what you owe your mom. Okay.

Okay. But handshake deals are more likely to blow up and cause problems, obviously, than any other deal. And the paper is written up not because we think you're a crook, not because we think your mom's a crook, but contracts are not for dishonest people. They don't make dishonest people honest. Contracts are for communication between honest people.

Okay. And you're going to follow through, and she's going to follow through. And then that'll take some of the pressure off your husband, because I don't blame him for feeling that way. But we can't really get rid of it today, other than just to move out and go rent. And I don't really think that's a good answer. Okay. Because you've got a great buy on this house. Your mom fully intends to sell it to you at a great buy.

It's, you know, everything in this sounds smart, except I don't want you owing your mom long-term, and your husband doesn't want to owe your mom long-term. So you're going to go get a mortgage as soon as you can as you get out of debt, and she's going to get her money. Pretty cool. Hey, thanks for the call. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in, and we'll talk about your life and your money.

It is a free call. Jose is on YouTube and says, I'm 28 years old. I contribute 3% to my 401K. Is that good for me or not? Not. You should be either contributing nothing to your 401K because you're in Baby Step 2 getting out of debt, and you've temporarily stopped all investing, or you're up at baby step five or four, and you're putting 15% of your income into retirement.

3% is going to get you minimal results, even if it's got a match to it. It's better than nothing, but we're not trying to end up mediocre here. We're trying to end up rich so that you can go anywhere you want to go in your retirement you can take care of your kids you can help poor people you can be a blessing and serve charities you can do you can do all of that when you have some money and so we're trying to do everything we can to get money in your pocket and three percent doesn't get you there that's the whole thing so we work right up the baby steps jose it's how we do it and baby step one is thousand dollars two is you're out of debt everything but the house three is using the

debt snowball three is you finish your emergency fund of three to six months of expenses baby steps four five and six we do simultaneously four starts the line with 15 of your income going into retirement not three percent and then you go to kids' college. With any more money you can get above that, more money above that, we throw it at the house, maybe step six and pay off the house early. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Folks, let's cut through the bull. Interest rates are exceptionally low, so you're missing out if you have not called Churchill Mortgage to see if you can save money on your home loan. Lots of other companies are out there claiming great deals, but don't get lured by slick advertisements.

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NMLSconsumeraccess.org. Equal housing lender. 761 Old Hickory Boulevard, Brentwood, Tennessee 37027. Juan is with us in San Diego. Hi, Juan. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. How are you doing? Better than I deserve, sir. How can I help? Okay, so me and my wife recently just won a settlement of $180,000,

and we're not really agreeing on where this money should go. Oh, my goodness. What happened? Where'd you get a settlement that large from? I got in a pretty bad motorcycle accident. How are you doing? I am blessed to be here, honestly, yes. I'm doing okay. You're physically coming back?

Yes. My body recovered great, so I'm happy I can do just a little bit of movement issues in my shoulder. But besides that, I'm fine. You got any future surgeries coming up? No. Okay. Well, good. Well, I'm glad you're doing so good.

That's awesome. Okay. Thank you. So what are you thinking of putting the money on? So me and my wife have agreed that we want to use this money to buy a house. But what we're not agreeing on is that she wants to put the majority of the money all as a down payment and save about $20,000 for emergencies. And I think this is the perfect time to get rid of all our debt and we'll still have a good amount for a down payment on the house and still have some left over. But she's not agreeing with me with that.

And I just wanted your opinion on what you think would be the better move. Well, she's not agreeing with you. I don't know why she would agree with me. But anyway, we tell people not to buy a home unless you're debt-free. How much debt do you have? Together we have about $45,000 in debt. I would pay that off, and I would hold $20,000 back for an emergency and put the rest as your down payment if I were in your shoes.

I would not buy a house with debt still laying around. I think that's dangerous. You're asking for trouble. And so my vote is going on your side of this argument, I'm afraid. But I don't know. Honestly, I don't know why she would listen to me. Now, let me tell you this. I will tell you that I would not do any of this unless you guys get on a budget

and you agree to never borrow money again. Okay. Yes. I have tried to talk to her about that. I'm actually a new listener. I'm trying to get her on board, but she's not really too convinced about it. I'm also having trouble getting her on board with your plan as well. Yeah, I can imagine.

I highly recommend you don't do anything until you can come into agreement. Okay. Because you're going to make a mistake. Sharon and I, when we have an argument like this we we have to we have a rule we have to do nothing until we can come into agreement on large purchases large gifts large decisions we decide nothing is the only thing we can do until we're in agreement and uh so i recommend you do nothing until the two of you can get on the same page. Do you think that she would go to Financial Peace University if I gave you a one-year membership?

I honestly do think. I've been talking to her mother, trying to help me out, just because she's so stubborn about this, and her mother is on my side as well. That wasn't what I asked. What I asked was, can you get your wife to go to Financial Peace University to the nine lessons if I give you the one-year membership? Yes, sir. You think so?

Why? She's pretty stubborn. I think that me and her mother would sit down with her and explain to her. Go to the class. It's free. Okay. I'm going to give it to you, but I'm only going to give it to you on the condition that she attends with you.

Okay. Because if you go by yourself, it'll cause a divorce because you're going to get more and more and more and more excited about getting out of debt and living with a plan. And it's going to drive a wedge further between you all, and I don't want to do that. So if you can talk her into just attending one or two classes with you, I think she'll go on and go to the others.

I'm pretty persuasive, but don't go by yourself, dude. It'll cause problems. Hold on. I'll have Kelly pick up. I'll give you the Financial Peace University membership for a year, and that includes the nine lessons that you can attend, and you can watch them online and everything else. But do not do this without her.

It's contingent upon that. My gift is. All right, Dave is with us in Stockton, California. Hi, Dave. How are you? Well, good afternoon, Dave. How are you doing today? Better than I deserve.

What's up? Well, that's good. Say, both my wife and I are FPU coordinators, and we're debt-free, and we need your wisdom and guidance on something where we also have a little disagreement. Last year, soon after our son got married, we loaned him some money to help him out. Really? Knowing that we would never probably see the money again, okay? Why would you do that?

You're a Financial Peace University coordinator. You know what? That's a good question. That's a good question. Maybe it's because I haven't taught it for about a year that I lost touch with that aspect of it. But we volunteered

to pay for the materials, to take a class, which they did. But in the end, they didn't discipline themselves to follow any of the principles or build an emergency fund at all. Well, after six months, we decided since they weren't trying to pay us back anything, we kind of let them know we weren't going to loan them any more money because they had made no effort to reimburse anything of it. And there was no communication from them indicating they were paying this back. Well, you know, as life goes, several months later, their only vehicle broke down and it could not be repaired and my son had no way to get to work.

This is where it gets sticky. Knowing that my wife, as executive of her parents' trust, would be dispersing funds to all the beneficiaries, including him, we both agreed to front about 90% of what they would receive with the understanding they would immediately pay us back when the checks were written. So the logic was that they were borrowing from us funds they were already keeping to them by her parents' trust. As of today, we have not distributed that money, but it's getting a little stickier here. It's going to be distributed in the next couple of weeks, and we wonder what you'd do.

In the meantime, they've took out a $8,000 loan to pay off four months of overdue rent. Otherwise, they'd be evicted, and our daughter-in-law just does not want to work to help out. So my angle is since our son lives near us, and because they have not demonstrated responsibility in paying back our loan, I have strongly suggested, and that's about as far as I can go since this is my wife's side, that my wife write the check to them, have them come over and sign it over to us,

and we would write them a check for the balance of what they didn't borrow from us. We didn't front them. And it seems simple, and we know if we approach it that way, that would be successful, and it would eliminate the temptation of them using the funds unnecessarily, not paying us back as agreed, and in my opinion, be more proactive to solving this situation. So how much? $9,000, right? Yeah, $8,800. You're right. Now, what's your net worth?

What's that? What's your net worth? I don't know. $500, $600. What's your household income? $130, $600. What's your household income? $130, maybe. Okay. Well, let me just tell you. Here's my opinion.

This is all your fault. My fault? Yeah. Okay. You loaned people money that were broke and don't handle money well, and you went against everything that you were supposed to have been taught by us, which was you loaned family money. Right.

You're the one who made this mess. Okay, I take your job. Now I'm trying to be proactive in not making it worse. Yeah. And so... Well, one thing you could do is just say, forget it. Don't pay me back. Forget it.

I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have given you money. I'm never giving you any more ever under any circumstances. Right, right. She believes that we should just be trusting, mail the check to them, and then hope they'll reimburse us. They're not going to reimburse you. Well, that's my angle. A hundred percent they're not going to.

That's a completely ridiculous assumption. they're not going to. That's a completely ridiculous assumption. That is not going to happen. You mail that check to them, you're never going to see this money, and then you're going to have to decide if you're going to speak to your own children over money or not. This is the crap you get into when you loan family members money. It's all your fault.

If she wants to walk you through that, that's fine. But don't ever do this again. This is absolutely ludicrous. You're asking for LinkedIn Jobs, you are missing out. Our Ramsey Solutions Company page on LinkedIn has over 100,000 followers. That's over 100,000 potential like-minded people our team communicates our current openings to. We also post on LinkedIn Jobs because we know the right person will have an impact on our company for years to come. And LinkedIn Jobs matches the right person with the right job. It's no wonder a hire is made every eight seconds on LinkedIn and over 600 million members

visit LinkedIn to make connections, learn and grow as professionals and discover new job opportunities. In fact, LinkedIn members add 15 new skills to their profiles and apply to 35 job posts every two seconds. Get started today with LinkedIn jobs and get $50 off your first job post. Visit linkedin.com slash Ramsey. Terms and conditions apply. Thank you for joining us, America. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, Steve and Cindy are with us.

Hey, guys. Hi, Dave. Hi, Dave. Welcome, welcome. Where are you from? Bellevue, Colorado. Which is near? Just north of Denver.

Denver. Okay, cool. And you're headed to free scream in Tennessee. Yes. How much have you paid off? We have paid off $363,691. How long did it take? Dave, that took us six years, one month, and 11 days.

I love it. And your range of income during that time? It was fluctuating during that time. 69 to 89. Whoa. Okay. And what do you all do for a living? I'm an administrative assistant for the Kroger Company. And I'm a culinary manager.

Very cool. Good stuff. Fun. So $464,000 over six years. I'm guessing that might include your mortgage. It does. I'm looking at weird people. You paid off your house.

We did. Woo-hoo. What's this house worth? Steve? $550,000, give or take. I love it. How old are you two? I am 51 today.

Perfect. I'm 52, Dave. Well, happy birthday. Thank you. Yeah, touchdown. And you have paid for a house. Yes. I'm 52, Dave. Well, happy birthday. Thank you. Touchdown. And you have paid for a house. Yes. How does that feel? Phenomenal. Did you ever think you'd have no mortgage payments? Never in a million years. Well, six years ago, you did. You started working on it then. What happened six years ago? Well, I'll tell tell you it started a little bit before that dave um i heard about you probably i want to say back in 2005 possibly when our youngest granddaughter

was born um you were on pbs at that time is when i first heard of you and i called to get your kit and i was told that they didn't take credit cards um So I was a little taken back by that because I didn't understand the concept of the whole thing at that time. And then 2012, we had heard about it in church again, and I just told Steve we had to make some changes. And I was all in. It took Steve a little while longer, though.

Okay, so you signed him up for the class, and he said, you did what? Yeah, yeah, that's exactly how it went. Eventually I went kicking and screaming. Okay, so what stopped the kicking and screaming when you got to class? Why did it change you? Well, I took the first week that I did not go. I knew that she was signed up to the class. She asked if it was okay to sign up. I said, yeah, that's fine. So then it came the evening of the class, and she said she's getting ready to go. I said, okay, have a good night. She goes, yeah, but we're going together.

I said, well, no, you signed up for the class. I didn't sign up for the class. I was reloading ammunition. I went ahead and did my thing. I was stubborn. Next week, I went with her, and eventually we became coordinators oh wow you ended up coordinating the class yeah probably a half a dozen times i think that's the great revenge right there yes yeah you reloaded ammunition she took off and loaded hers

love it very fun very fun well congratulations you guys thank you very proud for you very proud of you guys. Thank you. Very proud for you. Very proud of you. And then you've been coordinating. So you've got cheerleaders all around you, people going, yay, way to go, watching the video. They're going to love this right here. You've got people all around you screaming for you, right? Absolutely. I love it.

Very cool. Does anybody think you're crazy along the way? Oh, we have probably more of those. Ah, okay. They're out there. Yes. Everybody's got an eye roll ready, don't they? Like, oh, you people.

Right, right. You joined that Ramsey cult. We definitely made your name a cuss word. It's happened before. That's so great. All right, you've gotten out of debt. You're 50 years old. You paid off your house and everything.

You're coordinating classes that guy who stayed home during the first class shows up at the second class he's you but now he's coming to your class you know who i'm talking about right what do you tell him the secret to getting out of debt is why did this this work? We had to be on the same page. And obviously, the first week, we weren't on the same page. Went to the class, started to hear what it was about. And eventually, she got me on the same page. Okay.

But I mean, what do you, you tell them the key to getting out of debt is be on the same page. What else? And follow the baby steps. Yeah. Okay. Very cool. Yeah, work together. Yeah, you got to tell your classes your story if you don't. out of debt is be on the same page what else and follow the baby steps yeah okay very cool yeah work together yeah you got to tell your classes your story if you don't i mean you should this is great i mean the whole the whole story the loading the ammunition stay at home that's

that's real that's people being real and there's so many people out there trying to act like they got all their crap together and they don't we all stay home and load ammunition at least once that's awesome man i mean we do that's just so cool that's neat what a great deal very very very fun so you don't have any payments in the world does that feel weird feels great i was gonna say it feels great you know in the last few months since we've paid off the house we've done a lot we've been home to visit family um i think some of the pictures that we showed, Dave, if I can share just a little something. We thought we were going to come here in June was our intention.

And then when we didn't get the phone call, we thought, what the heck, let's just go home to Chicago. We'll go visit family. So we did that. And I'll tell you, Steve and I got married 34 years ago. We were a very young couple, 16 and 17 years old. Um, so there was a lot surrounding that circumstance at that time. And my family was not at our wedding. It has always been a missing chapter in my life. And my sister, knowing that we were coming out because we didn't get to come to Nashville in June, had planned a whole surprise vow renewal for us. Oh, my gosh.

My dad gave me away. Oh, my gosh. Which I never thought would happen. How fun. That's awesome. How old is he? My dad is 76. What a redemption story.

That's a lot better than coming to Nashville. It was, and it just shows how God's plan works. I was just so adamant that I was coming here. We were coming to Nashville, and my sister just kept saying, well, why don't you come home? And I said, if I don't go to Nashville, we'll come home. And up to a week, up to the time before we thought we were coming here, she's just like, well, are you coming home now? So in a week's time, my sister Chris had put, and family and friends had put that together for us.

And just finished out that chapter for me that I thought I might be missing all my life. Touchdown. That's awesome. Yeah. Very cool. Very cool. Great redemption story. Absolutely. Way to go, Dad.

Way to go, sister. We'll blame her for the whole thing. That's good. Very, very cool. Resolution. Yes. It's good. That's fun. Well, I'm glad you delayed. I'm glad you got here, but I'm glad you delayed. I'm glad I got to hear your story. Good stuff. We're very proud of you here. Well, I'm glad you delayed. Yes. I'm glad you got here, but I'm glad you delayed. I'm glad I got to hear your story. Yeah.

Good stuff. We're very proud of you here. Thanks, Dave. All us Ramses, we like people like you around here. All these people that work in this building, this is why we're here, is people just like you. You're our heroes. Well, thank you, Dave. You're doing great work.

Well, you are, too. Well done. Very well done. All right. We have a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you, Retire Inspired. That is the next chapter in your story. Now you're to be millionaires. You're already halfway there on the house alone.

So well done. That is the chapter that's coming, the live like no one else now and give like no one else now. So you'll be in a position to do all of that. Very well done. Steve and Cindy, Denver, Colorado, $364,000 paid off in six years and one month, making $69,000 to $89,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

Praise God, we're debt-free. We're debt free! And the crowd goes wild! I love it. That is pretty serious right there. Isn't it amazing the way things work out? Resolution comes to things. When you start healing and controlling the variables

in one area of your life, it is amazing that the natural flow of things in God's universe is that the other areas of your life start being under your control and healing as well. Wow. A great, great story.

I think I got the best job in the world, don't you guys? I get to watch these heroes. You guys are heroes. I'm proud of you. You can do this. You got this. I believe in you. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. blake is in fayetteville north carolina welcome to the dave ramsey show blake

how you doing dave better than i deserve man what's up in your world uh not so much uh i had a question for you so uh me and my wife are looking at trying to get out of debt and uh we're trying to looking at trying to get out of debt, and we're trying to decide whether we should get rid of one of our cars or both of our cars. Okay. How much do you owe on car number one? On car number one, we owe $17,000. And what is it worth?

And it's worth private sale anywhere from $22,000 to $26,000. Okay. And car number two, you owe what on? Car number two, we owe $13,800 on, and it's worth anywhere from around $15,000. Around $15,000? Yeah, private sale. Okay, so you're right side up on both of them. That's good news. Okay, and what's your household income?

I make $66,000 a year. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, your car values total more than half your annual income, and your debt does not, but we go by value. I don't want more than half your annual income tied up in things that are going down in value. What's the trajectory on your income? If you're making $66,000 this year, what do you think you're going to make next year? Probably about $70,000 to $72,000, somewhere around there.

Okay, then that gets us there, right? Because you've got $37,000 in values today. So you're right on the bubble. You've got the max possible invested in things that are going down in value. Never do this again, even if you keep these. Even if you keep these, okay? Because, I mean, let's say you're making $100,000 and you've got $50,000 tied up in cars. As long as you perpetuate this, those cars go down.

You know, they lose about 60% of their value in five years, four years, right in there. And so, you know, you really do lose your butt on them, and you can't. I mean, I don't mind having a nice car, but I want it to be a small percentage of my income or a smaller percentage than you have. How much other debt do you guys have? We have a mortgage, which we owe $234,000 on. That's it? Yes, sir.

So your only debt other than your house is your cars? Yes, sir. No student loans, no credit cards, no medical bills? No student loans, no credit cards, no medical bills? No student loans, no credit cards, no medical bills. Okay. Do you like these cars? Probably the one that we owe the most on we're probably looking at getting rid of. Okay.

And then we've gone back and forth. Okay. So there's things obviously that... What is it? What's the $22,000 car? A 2016 Honda Odyssey. Nice car. Very nice car. Okay. So there's things, obviously. What is it? What's the $22,000 car? A 2016 Honda Odyssey. Okay. Nice car.

Very nice car. Okay. Well, here's the thing. Here's what I would do. Number one, don't let the purchase of vehicles, even with cash, things with motors and wheels, total of all things you own with motors and wheels, ever approach half your income again after this because it's going to cause you to struggle to build wealth. You understand the concept, right? Yes, sir. okay but so if you choose to keep these that's fine

can you pay them both off in two years thirty one thousand dollars in two years the answer is yes that's fifteen thousand a year if you can't pay off fifteen thousand dollars a year making 60 70 grand something's wrong with you so set it on a two-year schedule, and, you know, that's like $1,500 a month. I mean, you know, you can do this, and you'll be debt-free in two years or less. You ought to do it quicker than two years, really. But if you're going to keep them, get them paid off in under two years, preferably 18 months, and never let the purchase of vehicles, even with cash, approach half your annual income again, if you want to keep them.

Then you hit the guidelines, but you hit them barely. And the fact that your income trajectory is shooting up, too. That gives us a little bit of leeway here. But it doesn't say we want to repeat this or cause this to be a pattern. But if the pattern breaks here, and this is the last time, and then you're going to drive these cars out a while, and you're going to drive these cars out a while and you're going to pay cash for whatever you do from this point forward and be a little bit more conservative in your purchases in the future then you'll be right on track is that logical to you

yes sir okay so if you want to keep them i would but under those circumstances schuyler's in spokane washington hi schuyler how are you hey i'm good d. How are you? Hey, I'm good, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I recently got introduced to you around June, July of this year, and I've started my debt snowball and been paying off my student loans. And how are you it. How old are you? My mom, I'm 28. Good for you. Okay. Yeah. And my mom, she's noticed that I've been paying off my student loans, and I have one private loan that is on the bottom of my debt snowball,

and she disagrees with how I'm going about paying off my debt. I'm confused. You're a 28-year-old man, and you pay your own bills, right? Yeah, I do. Okay, so what business is this of your mother's? None besides that she has access to my bank account because when i opened it up after i opened it up and when i was in high school and change that today you're a man right your mommy doesn't need to be in your business anymore you're a 28 year old man

right go down there and change it right now okay okay and then just mom i appreciate your concern i love you but this is what i'm doing right and and she's helped me out in the past before when when things been tight and they're not gonna be tight anymore now you're getting out of debt right if she's if she supports you and you live in her household, then that's one thing. But if you're a free moral agent, a 28-year-old stand-alone independent man, then this is just mom who's concerned, who is overstepping her boundaries. That's all it is. That's all it is.

And she loves you. She means well, but she's just nosier than crap. Right. Right? Yeah. I mean, she's not a bad person she loves her little boy but to you to her she's the little boy that used to do whatever when you were eight right but now you're 28 and she missed that point right and this is normal for mommies by the way sometimes i have to remind my wife that my son is a grown man 26 and he's married and this is what's known as none of your business you know i have to remind my wife of that son is a grown man, 26, and he's married. And this is what's known as none of your business.

You know, I have to remind my wife of that sometimes. I don't do it very often, but she's pretty good about it. But mommies love their boys. And sometimes it's hard for them to grow up, hard to let them grow up. But it's your stance as a man to handle this. And you just lovingly put a boundary up. And, Mom, I'm going to pay off my debts. And I've got a plan, and I'm working it hard.

I think you're going to be proud of it someday, Mom. And you just move on, just like a friend who disagrees with the way you vote. Right. You got any friends that vote different than you? I'm sure I do. I try to stay out of it, too, because it's a dadgum minefield. But, I mean, you know, point being that I love them anyway, and they're going to vote how they're going to vote,

and I'm going to vote how I'm going to vote, and I still like them. I don't disqualify you from friendship due to the way you vote, right? Right. I mean, I'm not that narrow-minded. I've got a little more intellect than that. So, anyway, that's the way I would look at it, is just look at it that way. She just doesn't agree with, you know, what if you bought a blue car and she didn't like blue cars? I mean, it's the same thing okay it's that you know

you get to decide you bought the car it's your money your life you're 28 and you know that kind of stuff so i'm glad she loves you i'm glad she's concerned i'm not being mean to her but she just you know she's poking around with stuff that she doesn't need to be poking around and you need to stop her from doing it so you can have a life. Gently and kindly. I'm not suggesting you be rude to your mother. That's against the rules around here. Never be rude to mom.

But we can put boundaries up and gently, kindly, firmly remind her how things work. And that's what you do here. Hey, thanks for the call. Open phones at 888-825-5225. I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Meg Meeker about that one. That's an interesting thing that just popped into my head. I don't know.

I wonder if there is. I think I'll go ahead and stir some of you up on Twitter. Are you ready? I kind of think, I'm not positive, I'm not really going to take a stand on this. I'm going to her, that it's harder for moms to let go of their sons than it is dads to let go of their daughters. I kind of think that. Because, well, I've just observed that with some of my buddies, too. They marry off their daughters, and they still love their daughters, and they're a special place in our heart. The little girl's always got you wrapped around their little finger. But the need for me to go interrupt

my daughter's life is very minimal. Except to the extent she works for me. But I mean, in terms of her personal life, to go over trodding around in my muddy boots through her house, so to speak, is very minimal. I think, maybe it's a southern thing. I don't know.

I'll have to ask Meg Meeker about that. She's the parenting expert and she can tell us how that works. She's wrote Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons, and all that kind of stuff. So, interesting. Interesting stuff. Well, that puts this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books. Our thanks to James Childs, our producer, and Kelly Daniel, our associate producer and phone screener. I am Dave Ramsey, your host, and we'll be back.

This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. Did you know you can now listen to The Dave Ramsey Show on Pandora and Spotify? For all the ways to watch and listen, check out our show page at DaveRamsey.com slash show.