The Ramsey Show - App - Don't Participate in Your Family Drama! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour, I don't know why I keep stumbling on that, is Dr. John Deloney. Very excited to have him here with me. Are you ready to rock? I'm ready to rock. Because evidently, good folks, during the break, Chris and I also turned into the Rolling Stones, and so we're going to rock out today. We're going to make it happen. It's going to be awesome. Well, listen, we are excited to take your call. So if you're out there and you've got a question about life, relationships, or money, call us. The number to call is 888-825-5225.

Again, that's 888-825-5225. We'd love to hear from you. So let's get to the phone lines. We've got James up in Akron, Ohio. James, how are you? Hi. Do I pay a $3,200 fee to get out of my lease early or ride it out and save up in the meantime?

Very good. How long was this lease you signed up for, buddy? I have about a year and a half. A year and a half? James? Yes, I have a year and a half left. You have a year and a half left. And if you, okay, and how much is the payment right now?

$400. So it's eight months of payments to turn it in early. Okay. Is that what they told you it would require? Yes. Okay. Do you have $3,200? I do.

Okay. How much do you have in savings right now? I have $6,000 set aside for a car. Okay. Currently. All right. So you got $6,000 set aside for a car currently. All right. So you've got $6,000 set aside for a car. So if you paid this off early, would that come from that $6,000 you've got saved?

I do have about $10,000 in my checking account as well. Okay. All right. It's separate from the car savings. All right. So outside of this lease, what else do you owe on? A mortgage. Okay.

So is that it? That's it. Yeah, James, pay this thing off. James, today you're free, brother. Yeah, get out of this lease and then go find a car to buy. A $5,000 car. Sounds easy enough. Yeah.

Why are you hesitant? You're not going to do it. Why are you nervous, man? I've had bad luck with cars in the past. All right. So what year is the car you're driving right now? 2020. Okay.

You had bad luck in the past. What happened with the cars in the past? They always gave me issues and just broke down a lot, and I never got a good used car. Okay. Well, here's what I want you to do. I always caution people, and I always get worried when I hear always and forever, right?

Always did or I've never been able to hear always and forever, right? Always did or I've never been able to do X, Y, or Z. Those sound like really, really grabby, inclusive statements. It sounds like there's no reason or opportunity for anything to ever be any different. Hogwash, okay? Here's the deal. You probably had some lemons. You probably dealt with some.

It doesn't mean you can't find a quality used car and have a mechanic take a look at it. It's a $5,000 car that gets you out of this lease. You keep making this $400 a month payment to your savings instead of to that company, and you upgrade car in a year and a half. So what we're doing is breaking a cycle, James. And I'm going to tell you, when you break a cycle, you got to change the way you're thinking and you got to be open to new results. Otherwise, what will happen is you'll be a life leaser. You will always lease a new car and it'll go from four to six to a thousand dollars and you'll always be in and you'll never own a vehicle. So it's just going to require a new way of thinking and taking some new chances. Some of the quickest ways you can change your mindset is by acting. Some of the quickest ways you can change your mindset is by acting. Some of the quickest ways you can change your mindset is by changing the way you talk to

yourself. Chris, how many people do we know, myself included, sometimes we talk to ourselves in ways that if we heard somebody talking to a lady at a cash register, we'd knock their teeth out. I'd go to jail over it and I'd we'd we'd knock their teeth out i'd go to jail over it and i'd call my wife and i'd laugh and i'd say honey i'm in jail but i protected some old woman at the right and my wife would high five me that's right but we talk to ourselves in ways that are disgusting and awful and you called it out james if you go to a lot and you think

well here i am i'm just gonna pick between one turd and a piece of crap and a pile of doo-doo that's my three options here and uh that's just gonna be the kind of the way man you can walk into it that way or you can walk into it and say i'm debt-free punks i got five thousand bucks to spend i'm gonna get a car it's already been fully depreciated out so when i trade it back in in a year and a half with four with 400 a month that i paid to myself you're gonna get 4 800 for it or you're gonna find somebody who'll high five you 5200 bucks and you're gonna trade up and trade up man and so decide to talk to yourself positively yeah i had some crappy cars in the past not this time that's right that's not gonna guarantee it either by the way it's not like we're pollyanna and i don't know some other disney

character it's not like the car's not gonna to have maybe some issues right but but the bottom line is is what you'll have you'll have money for repairs you'll have money to be able to upgrade and it's just a difference in thinking james one of my favorite quotes of all time is uh by one of the the preeminent research psychologists of our times, Amos Tversky, and I'll butcher it a little bit, but he said, being pessimistic is stupid because if it comes true, you've experienced it twice. Once when you worried about it and cast it out into the universe, and then when it actually happened.

He said, what if I just decided I'm going to project optimism in the world, and then if a crappy thing happens, I'll deal with it then. That's good. That's good. That's good. I choose to experience crappy things once. Once. I'm going to use that. That's my new goal starting today. No, it is.

Because I'm going to tell you, I agree with you about the words we can tell ourselves. It's the most powerful voice we have, and that's that internal one. It just pipes in there 24-7. No one hears it, and you can pick it up and start telling yourself these negative things as many times as you want. And I would tell people, if you have one of those negative voices going on in your head, I want you to mute it and change the track. Like I want you to play something that's encouraging to you. And that can be a learned skill and it can be difficult, but you have to try. It's a learned behavior that we practice.

Yeah. difficult but you have to try it's a learned behavior that we practice yeah that to me is one of the the foundational um tenets of psychology i picked up over the last decade was optimism is a learned behavior it's a decision it's a choice and it's something that you practice like lifting weights like throwing a football like sewing it's something you practice and that's different than just being um being a slave to whatever thought pops in your head and you're like well that's just going to be the way that is because that's the thought I've got to admit it. No, man, we can decide to move that one back out and pick up another one.

Pick up something. Have something to replace it. That's right. Now, learn behaviors. This is important because we all have an opportunity to learn. Well, speaking of, if you ever get to the end of the month, you have no idea where all your money went, and it feels like as soon as money's coming in, it's going right back out. Well, here's the thing.

You can learn to be able to take control of your money. You have to be the one to tell it where to go. That means getting on a budget. And every dollar is a job. Every dollar has, every single month has a location and something to do. So give money a job and give it a location. The best thing you can do is join Ramsey Plus, our new membership. It gives you all the best money products, a premium version of every dollar, and it gives you an opportunity to budget track as well as see and understand where you are. So all you have to do to begin this trial is text BEGIN to 33789. Text the word BEGIN, B-E-G is text BEGIN to 33789.

Text the word BEGIN, B-E-G-I-N, to 33789. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new baby boy. Shortly after, they had another expensive medical issue come up. They could have faced a huge financial setback. But thanks to Christian Health Care Ministries, the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills. As members of CHM, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the longest serving health cost sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau

accredited charity. It's Christians helping other Christians, and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. All right, we are back. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan and co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. We have asked you guys to send us questions in on social, and guess what? You did it.

You've been firing them in, and we appreciate it. You can find John at John Deloney. You can find me at ChrisHogan360. But I'm going to take a question. I had one for John. And here's the deal. Someone asked, Andrea from Instagram asked me, I have $103,147 in my 401K, but I owe $83,657 in student loans.

Should I borrow from my 401k to pay off these loans? Andrea, I know you are hearing about the CARES Act. I know you're hearing that the 10% penalty has gone and you don't have to worry about it anymore, but I want you to understand something. I do not want you to steal from your future to clean up your present. I do not want you to pull money out of your 401k. There are only two reasons I would ever suggest that you would consider touching 401k money. That's to prevent a bankruptcy or to prevent a foreclosure. Neither one of those things are things that you're dealing with. You're dealing with something that's impacting almost 53 million people out there right now with student loan debt. And so now what you want to do is develop a game plan on how to attack it. If you're still contributing to the 401k, I would pause it. So now you can send every extra dime toward attacking the student loan debt. Now, $83,000 is not a small dollar amount, but it is something that you can handle. You can attack it. You need to get more serious. So Andrea,

don't touch the 401k money. Leave the 401k alone. But let's get intentional on evicting this student loan debt out of your life. I love it, Chris. And that's hard. I remember those days. I would just have one envelope with my retirement money and then one envelope that said, you owe us. And it just made sense in my front part of my brain to take this and just put it in that envelope. But that's not the way to handle it.

No, it really isn't. Actually, no, it wasn't my front part of my brain. It was my fear part of my brain way in the back saying, oh, you could solve this problem with that problem. And then my front part of my brain, the math part that says, don't do that. Don't do it. Just get it out. Don't do that. And a lot of people, they'll struggle too.

They'll tell me, Chris, you don't understand. I'm getting a match at the job. Right? They're matching me. Don't do that. And a lot of people, they'll struggle, too. They'll tell me, Chris, you don't understand. I'm getting a match at the job. Right? They're matching me. It's free money. And I go, I understand, but I want you to understand you're getting penalized with the credit card. You're getting penalized with the student loan because it's interest that you earn.

There's interest that you pay. Right? Think about that. Earned interest is on your savings and your investments. You're earning it. You're being rewarded. Interest that you get penalized and you have to pay is credit cards or anything, car loans, anything where you make a payment. So let's not penalize ourselves.

Let's get some bonuses, some profits, some good things with interest. So get serious. Get it out of the life. All right. Next up, we're going over to Columbus, Ohio. And we've got Jesse on the line. Jesse, what can Dr. Donnelly and I do for you? Hi, Dr. D and Chris.

Thank you so much for taking my call. So my question is how to best handle difficult family dynamics between my younger brother and his fiance and then my parents who don't really approve of their relationship oh do they are you in a relationship i'm married um yes do they approve of your relationship yes that makes it worse huh oh man she is the star child I try really hard not to be that, but I do feel like sometimes it comes across that way. You know, I grew up in a very conservative Christian family. My parents are wonderful. My brother and I are also really close.

But ever since he was in high school, you know, he's made choices that my parents haven't really agreed with. And now this decision, my parents are just completely devastated. My mom cries every single day. Okay, so paint me a picture. What's the devastating result here? I mean, what is your brother doing relationally that's so bad? So his new fiance does not share the same, like, faith as my parents. And that, for them, is just really devastating.

They just feel completely brokenhearted. and so I do understand their hurt, but I also do feel at the same time like my brother is an adult, and I know he's really hurt that they don't support him and his future wife, and they're both kind of coming to me, and I feel a little bit put in the middle. They're not really talking to each other right now. Hold on a second. Real quick, Jessie. How old is your brother?

He is 21. Oh, right yeah so so if i'm you i would get out of the middle of this as quickly as possible yep and i would talk to mom and dad and say mom and dad here's the deal i love my brother and let's just call her suzy i love suzy and Susie has this area of her life or two areas or three areas or six areas where she believes differently than we do. She's still a person of value. We still love her. And the one surefire way to make sure she never comes around to the way you see the world is to make sure she knows she doesn't belong. I love the old quote, nobody's ever come around to my side of believing because they lost an argument. That's not how the world works. People are loved

into community and relationship. So I would tell my mom, hey, I'm not going between you two anymore. I love you, mom, but that's my brother and I don't want to hear negative stuff about him. And I would tell my brother, I'm not your go-between. I'll love you, but we're not going to talk bad about mom and dad because I love them too. And they are probably doing the best they can with the tools that they got. And then you step out, right? You step out of that middle ground. You love your mom and dad for who they are. You love your brother and your soon to be sister-in-law for who they are. And you can walk through that as lightly as possible. And I would just, I would implore you to not be triangulated in these relationships because you end up going down first on the bottom of that ship.

Tell me if this sounds familiar. Mom will have once a year a conversation with brother and say, well, you know what your sister says. And then you're like, well, that was out of context. Or your brother will think or will say, well, she's with me, right? And then suddenly you're sitting on an island and there's a spotlight on well, she's with me, right? And then suddenly you're sitting on an island and there's a spotlight on you going, uh, uh, right? So just get out of the middle. Does that sound fair?

Yeah, that's definitely my worst. Yeah, what you just described is like my worst fear, what I don't want to happen. So there's a 100% chance it happens. 100% chance. So just get out of the middle of it. Tell everybody I love you. And, um, and I know that sounds trite and easy, but it will, it will stop when you stop allowing it, when you draw that boundary. So the first time your brother calls and says, can you believe that mom? That's when you go, Whoa, hold on. I don't want to talk bad about mom today. I know

she's frustrating, drives you crazy. Let's just be that. How's your, how are you and your fiance doing? How's work going? And you just cut the conversation off and he'll get frustrated and he'll get but you used it's over i'm not doing that anymore yeah and even if jesse in the past you have done that if you have taken aside i agree stop participating um all the roads lead to you being the bad person all the roads in this scenario hundred percent of them yeah you're going to be. And so allow them to be the adults that they are. And again, who knows if he ends up marrying this girl or not? I can tell you this, the parents acting a fool the way they are and throwing the hissy fit, that's one surefire way for her to stick around longer than maybe she typically would have.

Because you've said they've not been happy with some of the choices he's made. So who knows? But I'm just saying them being this adamant and this absolutely line in the sand and this dramatic, right, needs me. Rides me to say a couple of things. A, they raised him. He's 21. They need to go get a life. Go find a hobby.

Go do some stuff because this is a way that you end up not seeing a grandbaby. This is a way that 10 or 12 years go by and you've missed out on some stuff. So stop majoring in minors. Don't participate in drama. I don't watch drama on TV because I don't want to spend pretend emotion, you know, seriously. Right. And so, you know, you stop participating. You be the star child that you have have been but being who you are and let them have drama it's okay they need to go talk to some people you need to get on the phone with her parents i'm hey if they want to call into the show i'll give them free advice times two hey you know what also call your future sister-in-law and just see how she's doing develop a relationship with her tell that you appreciate her um see what she's interested in find out when her birthday is would you really

do those little why not right why wouldn't you want to have relationship with someone who's about to be your family especially if you love your brother that much that's right no that's a good point i trust my brother i love my brother if he says she's worthy of spending the rest of his life with her, then... His life. Why am I going to choose to be obstinate about that? Right. I could choose to be in a relationship with her.

Let's go. Even if she is a village idiot. We all got some of those. They're worthy of love, too. Hey, I agree. I'm sitting by one... I'm just kidding. There'll be one of us coming back after the break.

Just wait, America, and figure out who it is. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and I make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays. When you're looking for sunglasses, it feels like your options are limited. Name brand sunglasses cost too much, and the cheap knockoffs are ugly, and they don't really protect your eyes.

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I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour is John Deloney. We are having a blast. We have asked you all to send us in questions from social media. We've asked you to send them in. You've done it all over the place. And we've got another one in for Dr. D. And it says, this is from Austin from Facebook. He goes, how do I teach my kids to value money and hard work when their mother gives them money on a regular basis just because.

We are divorced. Two things. Kids do not listen to you. They watch you. That's number one. So you want to teach your kids about how to value money, how to work hard. Then you value money, and you work hard. Number two, on the back end, after your action, you explain what you're doing.

So you involve them in your monthly budget. You involve them when you go to the grocery store or go to the academy or whatever store you're shopping at, and you show them what things cost, how you save up for things. You demonstrate it, and you walk it through on the back end. But if you live on the front end, and they're going to get a mixed message. There's no question here, Austin. So they're going to get one set of instructions from mom. They're going to get one set of instructions from you.

If they watch how you live, and you then on the back end after they're watching you you explain why you're doing what you're doing and you show them peace you smile you have a joyful life they will they will internalize that at the mitochondrial level right it'll become a part of them i completely agree with you and in this scenario and i'm not saying it this one, but if you've got one that's throwing money at them and you've got another one that's giving them time, care, and attention, well, there's one that will lose. They're throwing money at it that has no emotion, no concern, or love attached to it. So, Austin, you teach them. Help them to understand it, but at the same time, spend time with them. And as John was just saying, walk them through, help them to set some goals, see some things

and do it, and they'll learn it. It'll become obvious who's spending time with them and who's not. So thank you for your question, my friend. Great question, Austin. You all keep sending it in. We'd love to be able to hear your questions at all times. All right, we're getting back to the phones. We're going to Kansas.

I got Emily on the line. Emily, how can we help you? Hi, Dr. Dean Chris. I'm so excited to talk to you. Well, good. I have a question. We're losing your phone signal there. There you go. Oh, can you hear me? There we go. Stand still and talk. I have a question about an inheritance we're coming into, and we just want to make sure we're doing the right thing with it. All right. We're going to be getting, the big question, I guess,

is we will get about $175,000 between a 401k and a pension, and we know that that's going to be taxed. So we're trying to decide, do we take the lump sum, or do we split it between five years? Okay. And so it's around $175,000? That's just from that, and then there's going to be about an additional $140,000 from the sell the house and the estate.

Okay. Now, let me ask you this. What is your household income before any of this stuff? About $120,000. Okay, $120,000. And do you have debt? Yes. Oh, you chuckled.

That scares me. How much debt do you have? In total, we have about $165,000. That's split between $130,000 in student loans and $36,000 in cars. My goodness. Okay. So are you ready to get serious about turning a corner or you just want a quick we want it to be gone um 100 we're on the same page with that we just don't know about taking

that big right what what where did this inheritance come from my father-in-law just passed away last week i'm sorry to hear that i'm'm so sorry. I am very sorry. But John's right. If you guys aren't serious, the last thing I want you to do is waste this money. And I've seen people do it. I've seen people try to medicate with some stuff, and they end up just doing things out of habit. They're not declaring intentional. And, you know, this money that was left to be a blessing can actually end up being a curse.

And he told us before he passed exactly what he wanted us to do with it. What did he say to do? He wants us to pay off our student loans. Okay. Well, you got student loans and you got cars. Right. Yeah. And we plan to do both, but yeah.

But what? I don't like that conjunction. You plan to do both, but yeah. But what? I don't like that conjunction. You plan to do it. No, nothing. It's just that additional and that tax is just scary to think about that $50,000 tax. Well, here's the reality. I want you to connect with one of our tax EOPs to be able to run the scenario based on your tax bracket, based on where you are, the amount that you would pull out and what that's going to look like from a tax implication,

the same to be said from the sale of a property. And so this is going to get a little bit bigger. So you guys have had thoughts on what you might do with the money. Now what I want you to do is to get information so you can make a decision and have a plan. So you're not buying any more cars. We're paying off stuff, okay? That's the mindset you have to plan. So you're not buying any more cars. We're paying off stuff. Okay. Like that's the mindset you have to have. And I know I've talked to, oh my gosh, hundreds of people in this scenario where they go, well, we were going to do X, Y, and Z. No, no, no, no, no. Slow down. Really start

to think it through and let this money be a blessing. And so go to Dave Ramsey.com, click on the Tax ELP so you can go in, sit down, bring the documents with you of the accounts that you're looking to inherit. Let them be able to see this, run the numbers so you can know what you're dealing with from a tax benefit. This is how you'll be able to make the right decision on the timing. Now, I'm going to tell you this. If you're serious about getting things paid off, you run through the numbers, you get the dollar amount, you pay things off immediately and shut down any credit card you might have. And you got to play defense because more stupid is coming your way. Once you start to process these dollar amounts, don't think you're not going to get more mailers and calls for opportunities. So you got to have your guard up and keep your head up.

All right. I want to add this. Emily and her husband find themselves in what I would call a strangely fortuitous situation. They had an opportunity to talk with their father-in-law before he passed. And he was able to look them in the eye and say, this is what I want you to do with this gift. And most people who don't get that opportunity, which is why people who don't leave a will. My buddy John King says, the only reason to not have a will is because you hate your wife and kids.

That's it. That's the only reason not to have one. So what a gift it is to have had somebody be able, number one, to have the time to walk somebody through their last moments of their life. But number two, them to say, I've got a gift for you, and here's how I want you to use this. And so, Emily, man, you've got it laid out for you. Good for you. You just got to decide if you want to get serious about it, man. And I wasn't hearing some serious in your voice, but I also know Christopher Hogan can be an intimidating guy to talk to on the radio.

Oh, stop it. No, I just want people. I've talked to people that have gotten an inheritance, weren't clear on what they wanted to do, and they frittered away 100 grand. Oh, man. So now they not only have the money and the missed opportunity. The guilt and the shame. They have the guilt of not using the money from the family member in the right way. And so I vowed when I met with someone, and this was back in 2007, 2008, and I talked with them about having a plan, I wasn't firm enough. I didn't give them the flip side.

I love it. And so I don't want that to happen anymore. I love it. And so you make a decision so you can make a choice about what you want for yourself as well as your family. All right, getting back to the phones, we've got Kevin in Orlando. Kevin, how are you? I'm very good.

How is Dr. Maloney and Dr. Hogan today? We are doing well, my friend. How can we help you? Well, it's great to talk to the intimidating Dr. Hogan like Dr. Maloney just said. Hey, listen, Christopher Hogan is not intimidating. He is just kind. He plays intimidating on the tubes. He is a kind, lovely man.

What's on your mind, buddy? Okay, sort of a piggyback of the last caller. I'm the youngest of five, and my mother is 81. My grandfather on my mother's side was full-blooded German. It's come to my attention that since my grandfather died and I saw how he handled the things of value in their house, he left everything to the oldest son, and he kind of distributed everything after my grandfather passed.

My mother is kind of of the same mindset, and she just sees that as being the easiest way. And for her home home which is really the only thing of value that she has for that to be left in the hands of my oldest brother hey kevin this is gonna hey kevin this is gonna be an important call i'm gonna put you on hold and we're gonna we're gonna answer this right after the break yeah we'll have to come back to this because we got to get more into the details so we can give you the right information so you can take the right course of action.

Love it. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. hello everyone you are listening to the dave ramsey show chris hogan john deloney here and before we went to break we were talking to kevin kevin has got a situation where there's an inheritance at stake his family has a way of handling things and right now he's saying that it's looking like his mother is choosing to take a different course of action. So, Kevin, what's going on? How's your mom planning to handle the inheritance?

Okay, she's planning to leave the house and the property, which is the only thing of monetary value that she has. She's planning to leave that all to my oldest brother, who doesn't have the history of making the best financial decisions. And I don't know how to get through to her that we don't want to have anything. You know, our family is um i'm the youngest of five and you know we're not the closest but we're you know we all get along pretty good um i i just don't trust that my oldest brother would make the the decisions that my mom would necessarily be happy with. So have you sat down and talked to your mom? Have you had that hard conversation?

Just briefly. How'd it go? She just says, well, you know, that's what Grandpa did. And I was talking to another German guy, and I found out that that's kind of a German custom. Just a cultural thing, yeah. So here's the deal. Have you sat down and talked to your brother?

No. Okay. So you're going to stress over this, and you're going to worry about it, and it's a big deal. And it makes sense that the inheritance is spread among kids. But at the end of the day, it's hard to hear, that's your mom's money. Yep. And she gets to decide what she wants to do with that money. And your brother should split it up among the family.

That'd be cool if he did that. The only way you're going to know if he's going to actually do that is to sit down and have a hard conversation with him. And do it in a loving way, in a kind way, in a respectful way. And that's it. And I know this sounds harsh. And I've heard about families suing each other and trying to get this, and I wanted that car. Man, that just nukes the family system. So, yes, the money would be nice.

It would be great. It's not yours. Yeah. And if it gets close to your brother, it goes to your brother. Yeah. I mean, that's the reality of it. And you can pre-stress all you want. We were talking earlier.

There's no sense having to deal with something twice. You already got the scenario in your head. It is what it is. And he's going to make the decision. You've talked to your mom. If you want to have another conversation with her, you can. But ultimately, it's her call. I think the right conversation is with your brother.

Yeah, you know. And do both. And see. And then go from there. But the most important thing is with your brother. Yeah, you know, and do both and see and then go from there. But the most important thing is enjoy your mom while she's here. You know, the family dynamic, I'm going to tell you, it's going to get weirder if you guys aren't clear and everyone is on

the same page right now. Alright, next up we got Jessica calling in from Lubbock. Jessica, how are you? Hey, how are you? I'm focused and not finished, young lady. What's your question for Dr. John and I? Well, my ultimate question is if

my fear is running our financial decisions. Both my husband and I work in the healthcare profession. Okay. I was able to get out of being on the floor and found a job working from home, but I took a 50% pay cut to do that because the facility I was working for

did not provide the proper PPE for the patients. So I was able to do that. Now, my husband, he works at a different facility, and they just now have their own COVID unit and they don't have the proper PPE there either. And he is contemplating quitting, but we have no idea where he would go if he quit. We're in baby step three.

We have about 10,000 saved up. And so that will probably last us about three months if he did that. So the fear is kind of rolling our heads a little bit here, I think, because he wants to quit because, you know, he doesn't want to get infected, obviously. And we have his parents are elderly, and I've got a 90-year-old grandmother. So what would you do in this situation? That sounds like a value question between you and your husband. And you look at your finances, and you look at, because that sounds like, let me finish my thought.

You look at your finances, you look at your set of values, and your unique circumstances. You've got a 90-year-old that may or may not be living with you. You've got elderly parents on your husband's side. You'll have to make those decisions. It sounds to me like there's something deeper here, which is a lack of trust or a lack of respect for where he works. Is that fair? Yeah.

He feels pretty betrayed by them because he's been there for about six years, and they've already given him a 10% pay cut and lowered his hours. He's only getting four to five hours a day. Right. So, Jessica, here's the thing. Having that lack of distrust and feeling like he's not being treated fairly, what's next? Like, that's my thing is I'm looking around going, how do I proactively make a move to the next thing?

But I'm not going to be emotional and irrational and just make a stomp out just because. I think you've got to keep your family in mind as far as that goes. And so financially, what can you all do? And how serious is he about finding this next thing? And that means getting resume updated, dusted off. I'm letting coworkers know, family, friends, everyone know that I'm looking for employment. Yeah, I mean, he's talked to other coworkers.

Some of them, you know, that are single, they's talked to other coworkers, some of them that are single. They're deciding to stick it out. Right. Some of them don't have family close. Well, I'd be careful on talking to too many of the coworkers there. No, I meant other coworkers or other people that he knows that's in that line of work. I'd be careful inside of there talking about it. But I'm going to tell you this.

One of the most important things you guys can do is to sit down and get on the same page. But Jessica, he needs you more as a cheerleader now. I mean, I'm telling you, encouraging him to be able to think that he can because he's going to go from being mad and how they're treating him to fearful that he can't leave, which makes it look like and feel like a hostage situation. And hostages don't have power, right? And so they feel powerless.

So you really need to encourage him and help him boost his self-esteem. And here's the deal. It doesn't matter what his coworkers think. The question on the table right now is the shared values that you and him share. That's right. And that's it. So it's going to be tempting to run around. I've been guilty of this in my career.

Hey, what do you think? I heard so and so. Are you going to be it? None of that matters. None of that matters. You all two get in a room and you talk to one another about what your plans are, what your health needs are. You guys are both healthcare professionals. You know if this is a

safe situation or is a safe situation or a not safe situation that's right um you know the medical um material that you're reading and paying attention to that's all you can do right and then y'all make a good decision i i'm like chris i i never want to recommend somebody jump off um jump off the dock until you know a boat is there yeah i also understand moments when you just say, I can't work at a place where the values so are out of alignment with how I live my life and what I think is fair and right. That's a y'all-too decision. Thanks for the call. I love it.

I love it. And you're right. They do need to sit down. They need to talk. Get on the same page. Let me share with you today the scripture of the day. This is 1 Timothy 4.12. Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.

And this quote comes from Tim Fargo. Your friends will believe in your potential. Your enemies will make you live up to it. Wow. That's powerful. That is powerful. We got an opportunity as we look at things and really start to think about what we're doing as we move forward. We got tough times, but I'll tell you what, man, getting connected with the right people will keep you focused and centered.

Dr. John, you have down, you've got an anxiety relief checklist that's available at johndeloney.com. Anxiety is a real thing right now that's impacting a lot of people, whether it's loss of job, whether it's fear of illness, income situations, whatever it is. Anxiety will impact relationships. That's right. And so I want you to get on here, check out the anxiety relief checklist just to see where you fall. And go to JohnDeloney.com. Well, listen, I want to thank Dr. D for being with me this hour. I want to thank our producer, Zach Bennett, and thank associate producer Kelly Daniel. And I want to thank all the callers for taking the time to call in.

And I want to thank all you listeners for tuning in. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.