The Ramsey Show - App - Establishing Money Boundaries With Family (Hour 2)

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss:   EveryDollar, budget for the life you want today for free: Click Here  Get John's new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, Establishing money boundaries with siblings, "Should I pay off my house early?" from the blog: How to Pay Off Your Mortgage Early, "How do I hold onto hope paying off debt?" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Enter The Ramsey Cash Giveaway for a chance to win $3,000! https://bit.ly/TRSCashGiveaway Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: Click Here Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: Click Here Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? Click Here Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving and storage studios. It's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thanks for joining us, America. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. He's a number one best-selling author of the book Own Your Past, Change Your Future, host of The Dr. John Deloney Show.

And today we are launching his latest book on presale. It comes out on October 3rd. You can buy it today, today on pre-sale thousands of you already have thank you pretty amazing the new book is building a non-anxious life now we did a quick read a chapter book we call them they're like 37 pages in other words uh on called redefining anxiety 150 000 of you bought that so far uh that you know it's a ten dollar quick thing on on the way anxiety really works because anxiety is everywhere john it's a real issue that's right and we have a culture that's

designed to try to stop anxiety and that's as smart as going into your house and taking all the smoke detectors off the wall and the ceiling and putting them in a drawer and thinking your house is somehow now safer and better off than it was before. Anxiety is almost never the problem. It's always that alarm. It's the alarm that lets you know, hey, something in your house is on fire. And so actually, Dr. Wendy Suzuki, who's a researcher at NYU, she calls anxiety. She says, anxiety is your friend. It's there to help you out.

I may not go that far because I've been beat up with it pretty bad. But it is something trying to get your attention. It's telling you something's wrong. That's right. So if you want to have a not stressed out, not over anxious, not burned out life, you got to change some things in your home. You got to change some things in your home you got to change some things in your life and the alarms will quit ringing man when there's no fire no smoke the alarms go off yeah and there's six daily choices you talk about in the book to do that one of those is connection

where we've lost relationships in this country and in this world a lot of them have been lost to this cell phone um i actually was making fun of some of our friends at lunch today. Four ladies that have lunch today, gather every day down here. I sat down at their table, and all four of them are sitting there on their phone. And I'm like, y'all are awful. I mean, they said, well, we're talking, and I'm like, you're texting across the table? How are you talking? I'm looking.

All four of you have your nose in your phone. And they, well, we were talking a few minutes ago. But we've lost the ability to have relationships because of dadgum phones. There's actually some research that suggests just having the phone on the table within an ability to see it, right? I'm not touching it.

It's just sitting on the table actually causes the interaction to decrease. Somebody knows somebody else could come at any moment right and it just diverts interruption we're just an interruption away that's right um one of the things you'd also talk about is health yeah health and healing yeah sometimes as a choice yeah sometimes uh you know let me let me be honest it's not a popular conversation to have um but we've reached a point in our culture where we're sick. We're sick. We're sick.

We're not well. We're struggling with our weight. We're struggling with our cardiovascular health. We're just not well, and we're wondering why our anxiety alarms are going off all the time, or we have seven Red Bulls and four cups of coffee for breakfast. What's wrong with that? We're wondering why our hearts are beating out coffee for breakfast. Is something wrong with that? We're wondering why our hearts are beating out of our chest.

What's wrong with that, John? I have one person that I care about who went to see a counselor about anxiety, and the counselor said, hey, just take 30 days off of, just drop caffeine for 30 days. And there was about a week of awful headaches, and the anxiety kind of magically went away. And so they just found out they were super uh tall they were super mainlining coffee they lacked tolerance to uh to caffeine so all to say is

we gotta take control of our health we gotta take control of dealing with our old traumas and so that we can sit in our present life and deal with the chaos that is real um we can deal with it peacefully not as adding chaos to chaos. Yeah, so two of the choices are relationships and health. That's two of the six choices. And as you make better choices in these daily choices, in these six areas that cause anxiety, then the anxiety has no reason, the alarm has no reason to go off because there's nothing there to be afraid of.

Yeah, one of the things that modern science has convinced us of is that our bodies are stupid and that our theories are better and our medicine is better and our super atomic routines are better and there's something about letting your body talk to you and say hey we're not safe right now hey we have a hundred thousand dollars on that student loan. If we make one wrong move at work, we're going to get let go and we lose the house and we lose these cars. Your body's trying to get your attention, man. So if you're- Financial stress. Yeah. If you're financial stress, if you're not well, if you don't have any friends,

your body's like, hey, we're not safe. We're not safe. And so instead of shutting that up, instead of climbing up in your kitchen and taking the batteries out of the alarm, this book is all about, man, how can we reclaim our homes? Put the fire out. How can we reclaim our families, reclaim our bodies? Put the fire out, man, once and for all. Financial peace, relational peace, peace, peace, peace is the opposite of anxious, anxious, anxious. So there it is.

And similar to the financial peace message, we have an emergency fund, not if, because things will come, right? And so we build the non-anxious life so that when our cousin passes away, when dad gets sick, when mom gets cancer, that we have the capacity to go sit and be a part of those life things that happen all the time. Because you're thankful. Because we got, that's exactly right. Yeah. Hey, all month long, we're giving away cash. You could win $500 a week and a grand prize of $3,000. Check that out at the RamseySolutions.com slash giveaway. The Total Money Makeover from Paycheck to Purpose, Own Your Past, Change Your Future. John's book before this one is now $12 this month. And guess what?

The brand new book is $20. If you preorder it, you get $75 in free bonus items. The new book is building a non anxious life. If you want the $75 of free bonus items, all you get is go to Ramsey solutions.com and get the book while it's on presale. We'll ship the book to you the e-book to you the audio book to you and in the meantime we will send you a one of john's talks and you want to check all of that out as well and that's all just for 20 bucks also all questions for human conversation cards are on sale right now 12 that's a bargain too big sale going on right here in the middle of summer ramsey solutions.com

slash store be sure you check every bit of that out and guys if you want to help if you're a john deloney fan like i am and you want to help us and help john in the process pre-purchasing pre-ordering the book helps our marketing push big time because it pretty much ensures that he's going to be a number one bestseller on the day that the book actually launches the pre-sales all count towards that and so you're helping us by by going ahead and getting it and we're bribing you to do it we're giving you extra good stuff not above it yeah not above it no we're not proud hey kids if you just call it ice cream if you'll just 75 dollars worth of stuff for 20 stuff for $20. Sit here and be quiet. And it helps us. That's right, yeah.

So thank you. Thank you for that. It's a big help. Oh, and by the way, the book's awesome, just as an aside. The comments folks are sending on social media are just, like, they're putting wind in my sails, man. People are sending a lot of really great, wonderful stuff. It's awesome. That's very cool.

Well, I mean, you guys told us with the little quick read, you know, redefining anxiety being so popular that this was a subject that John needed to go further on. And so now he has. This is a major book launch, a major book, a full book, not a 37-pager. This is a real one. And so it treats the subject beautifully in a way that everyone can understand and actually do it. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys.

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Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Amy's in Dallas. Hi, Amy, welcome to the Ramsey Show. What's up? Hi, so I have a question. I'm the second to youngest

of seven siblings, and typically, due to my financial situation, I've noticed that whenever we're out with family events or vacations, it's kind of expected that I pay for things. Oh no. And, and by all means, most of the time, I don't mind, but when it's expected, I kind of get less joy out of the giving. Cause I don't feel like it's really giving. Um, and this could be like, you know, we're out in the city because I don't feel like it's really giving um and this could be like you know we're out in the city and I everyone leaves the cab and now I'm just the last one in the car and so of course I pay for it or they leave the restaurant and like thanks for lunch Amy like I didn't say I was gonna pay for this one but I guess I will I don't know it so you you make more you make more than your siblings yes sir by by far and they decided that means you have to pay for their stuff i i get what a pain in the butt i hate that for you

i hate that for you i just don't know how to say you know like like do i have to preface it by saying like hey we're gonna split the i don't And granted, this all started, I mean, I'm 34 years old, so it's not like, you know, it's been the case forever. But this all started, I think, about three years ago, about two years after COVID, I guess, I don't know. I paid for a trip to Disney World for my whole family. That's something that I've been wanting to do since a kid, and I was able to do it because I was financially ready to.

But ever since then, it's been this – you know what I mean. Here's the magic word, and you're going to hate this. You've got to make peace as you're the person, which I don't recommend, or it's usually going to take one or two times that you say, hey, everybody's picking up their own check on this one. And I would not pull a fast one at a restaurant. If you've paid for the last four or five checks, I wouldn't just wait until the waiter comes by and says, uh, everybody's on a separate check. I would tell people as you're heading out and you're going to get one or two people who are like, Oh, are you serious? Yeah, I'm serious. And at some point you just have to draw that line. And I would draw it with a smile on my face um and let that be and you'll find out there's going to be one or two of your siblings that wants nothing to do with you because you're not their breadwinner anymore or they think you're

oh you're too fancy or you don't care about it that's that's on them to do that but I I would draw that boundary with a smile and as gently but as directly as possible up front in advance clearly and and it's like you have this 30 seconds of awkwardness and then it's over and so i do that we do that with friends you know like um and so you know we're going somewhere and we go okay guys we're picking this part up and we're splitting the rest of it or you know like i had a whole bunch of my buddies golfing buddies uh went to one of my houses to live to stay and play golf and i'm furnishing the house uh so they're buying dinner i mean that's fair that's fair i mean i got a lot more in it than they got in it right at the end of the day right so they came out pretty dead gum good so yeah i'm like okay guys y'all figure out

when we go out to dinner night who's paying because you're treating me and can i say this and i just laugh about it and it's over and they're cool they don't mind not only are they cool they didn't mind they didn't mind at all. Nobody, I don't say nobody, very few people love 100% free ride. And so even if Dave is paying for the hotel and he says, Delano, will you grab my bags? Yes, I get to do something, right? Like I get some skin in the game here. Or if Dave's covering this and this and this, hey, y'all covering dinner,

thank God, yes, I'm all in. I want to be able to help. They jumped on it, these guys. Yes, of course. And you know what? But all it is, you just sit said up front you don't wait till you get over at the restaurant and go hey guys i'm gonna do an announcement here in the restaurant you know that's just weird and so no we'll just talk about it you know on the car ride over go hey by the way guys here's how we're doing this this week or even before we go on the trip this is how we're doing it i'm gonna

cover the houses on me you know you know and y'all don't have any rent, and so you're buying my food. If everybody's coming to the city, I'll pick up all the cabs. Everybody's going to pick up their own check for dinner. Y'all figure it out, but I'm not in.

And so I am not here to take care. I mean... Amy, what do you do for a living? I'm an engineer, and my husband's an engineer as well. So yes, we're part of the standard. I love it. I was going to say, you're also

super gifted at hard conversations, huh? They don't have that class in the engineering curriculum, right? In fairness, I shifted more to the business side, so now I am in that role now. So I don't mind having it. It's the fact that I would

love to pay for it when it's not expected because I like to do that. I would love to pay for it when it's not expected because I like to do that. I would love to pay for it when I want to pay for it. Exactly. Otherwise, the love is gone. Hey, can I tell you another thing? One time I had a pretty significant accomplishment. It was an academic thing, and one of my advisors took me and my wife out.

Her and her husband took me and my wife out. This is one of my big faux pas. I was young and I was kind of brash and an idiot. And she took us out as a celebration for an accomplishment. And I snuck around and gave the waiter my debit card. And my advisor's face and it was one of sadness i had taken her opportunity to give me a gift away and i tell you that to tell you sometimes people just get in this rut of i'm just going to do it this way i'm going to do it this way i'm going to do it this way let let people carry their own weight so letting people carry their own weight sometimes is a gift

to them yeah and just all you gotta do is say it it's 30 seconds of awkward it's over now we've got clarity yeah it's easy and we move on and five out of the seven of them will be like that's cool and two of them will be like six out of seven and then the rest of them will smack the one that's whining that's right you know shut up she bought it she took us to disney shut up we're buying dinner that's right shut up that's fair you know that She took us to Disney. Shut up. We're buying dinner. That's right. Shut up. That's fair. That's cool. And so that is fair. And when the joy comes back once a year, you might want to pick up the whole tab. It's great.

It's okay. But you say, hey, I want to take everybody to dinner in advance. We book the dinner. And it's preset that I'm doing this as a gift. This is not the normal rhythm of things. Right. We're discussing the difference ahead of time. And the normal rhythm of things is you pay discussing the difference ahead of time and the normal rhythm

of things is you pay your own way we go you know we we split the bill you know and so forth so uh you know that you don't know well it takes when you run around with people whether it's family or friends that start having an expectation that you're paying for everything it uh damages the relationship every time 100 of the time so that you're going to end up with damaged relationships if you don't deal with this tiny little thing and the other side of that is if you have a family member or a friend that picks up the tab always offer and always make sure you got money in your pocket to cover yours yeah and don't ever get in that entitlement syndrome like oh they're paying they're paying, they're paying, they're paying, they're paying.

Always be ready to carry your load, man. Yeah, exactly. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Colton is in Dallas. Hi, Colton, how are you? Good, how are you guys? Better than I deserve. What's up?

So I just have a question for you. It's, should I pay my house off sooner than i you know early is my question and so earlier than the mortgage sure okay how much do you owe on your house i owe 420 000 How much do you have in the bank? About $650,000. Paid off today. Congratulations, you're a homeowner. Why did you not pay it off to start with?

You know, because I hear from people, they're like, hang on to your cash, cash is king, yada, yada. But I don't really want to feel like everybody else. People are broke. right yeah you don't want to listen to people if you listen to the masses you'll soon find out that the m is silent okay and i mean i'm 24 so like i'm young and i'm like geez i don't know what i should do yada yada so yeah i appreciate it yeah if you let me tell you as we studied millionaires the data tells us two primary things cause the cause the typical person to get their first $1 to $5 million in net worth. One is steadily investing in their 401k and Roth IRA and good growth stock mutual funds retirement plan.

And two is a paid off home. And those are people that have a million dollars or more that we interviewed they're not broke people so hey by the way that's what you want you're gonna have a paid off house and two hundred thousand dollars in the bank you're fine you've won awesome you've you're amazing touchdown congratulations spike the ball do the Super Bowl end zone dance right now. This is the Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. His new book on sale, pre-sale today. It comes out October 3rd.

The new book is Building a Non-Anxious Life. Check it out at RamseySolutions.com. Sarah is in Nashville. Hey, Sarah. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you for having me. Sure. How are you? Better than I deserve.

How can we help today? I'm kind of in a financial crisis, and I'm not really sure what to do. My house is in the process of being foreclosed on. Oh, my. And I don't know if I should just throw in the towel or fight. I lost my husband four years ago, and we've been surviving off the Social Security and insurance payments. And the insurance company filed an appeal and froze the payment at the beginning of the year

and it just threw my finances in a whirlwind and I went back to work. How old was your husband? He was 36. What happened? He was working for a roofing company in Hendersonville, and he fell through a skylight working on a roof 30 feet. Oh, my. I'm so sorry.

And he suffered a cerebral hemorrhage. And the insurance company that was workers' comp or liability insurance for the employer says they're not liable. Yeah, they filed an appeal. You have an attorney? I have one through workman's comp and they have denied the appeal and restarted my payment. But that put me in a place where i got behind really behind and then by the time i got a job i was i was drowning yeah so do they have they set a date on your foreclosure um september the 17th okay all right so we get a little time a little action here we got a little time, a little action here. We got 45 days to work on this.

That's good news. What is your home worth? $375. And what do you owe on it? $64. Okay. You are not getting foreclosed on. Breathe.

I know how to stop this. I mean, I know this is my fault. It's not your fault. Nope. It's not your fault. Life has happened to you. You've had a tragedy honey and i wasn't taught the best discipline to start with i want you to breathe this in 100 i've been doing this for 30 years you are not getting foreclosed on okay we're not gonna allow you to lose that much equity we have our ways okay we're not going

to do this okay so you're you're you're okay now do we have some problems that we need to address yes okay we do but you're not going to lose this house i I'm 100% sure of it. Okay. Do you believe me? Do you believe me? I do. Okay. It's my job to do this. It's all I know how to do. And I'm the best in the world at it. Okay. You're not going to lose this house now. So you've been living for three or four years off of insurance payments. You were not working before he passed. Is that right? No, that's correct. So how old are you? I'm 40.

And what is your new job? I work for Lowe's Corporate Office. It's a remote position. Okay, and what do you make? $20 an hour. Okay, good. Good, and you're getting 40 or more hours yes correct good so can you do a budget and eat on that and pay your house payment if you were

current absolutely okay all right how much is your house payment? $600. Okay. And how many house payments behind are you? Five. Five. Okay. So you need $3,000 to get current plus some fees, right? Right. Okay. That's correct. Okay. All right. Do you own anything? Two cars? You still got his car? No. My car got repoed last month. Okay. Do you have a car at all? No. Okay. And so you don't have anybody around you and family and things, do you? I lost my father six months before I lost my husband.

Okay. How many kids you got? Four. Okay. How old are they? Twenty-seventeen, eight, and six. Good. Good.

Okay. All right. Are you involved in a church locally no okay all right so here's what we're gonna do okay we're gonna wrap our arms around you and make sure you're okay and we're gonna put a bunch of people in your life and um you're gonna follow the instructions of these people and we're gonna save your house and we're gonna get you back up on your feet and get you a car and get you going again, okay? Okay.

All right. Thank you. We've got Ramsey counselors right here in your town. We're in your town, and we'll use one of our on-staff people to take care of you. Okay. Her name is Lisa, and Austin's going to hook you up with her, and she's going to get in touch with a mortgage company, and this is taken care of.

We're going to take care of it, okay? And we're also going to get you touch with a mortgage company, and this is taken care of. We're going to take care of it, okay? And we're also going to get you connected to a local church and get you some help and get some people around you, because you need some community loving you well. You've been doing all this by yourself, and it's terrifying. It is. Yeah. You're going to be okay. I just want to do it the right way and teach my kids the right way.

Yeah. Well, honey, it's hard. I don't know if there's a right way to lose your husband when he's 36. I don't think there's a right way to do that. It just hurts and it's messy. And then everything gets discombobulated. Can I tell you one of the greatest gifts you can give your kid right now all four of them you can let them know that they're not crazy and that you miss their dad too oh i do every day when they get to see mom cry and they get to see

mom go get a job and they get to see mom do the unthinkable, which is reach out for help, which is something that Sarah does not like to do. When they get to see that, they get to see what it looks like when a grownup gets hit with everything and they get to see a community rally around and they begin to regain their faith in humanity. The light comes back on a little bit and they get to regain their faith in humanity. The light comes back on a little bit. And they get to see that by watching their mom go through it. And so you feel like you're failing them.

You feel like you're failing everybody. It's all coming down on you. I want you to know you're changing your family tree because they're getting to see a strong mom say, enough, I can't do anymore. Can somebody help me? They get to see that in real time. And you're going to have to follow these say, enough, I can't do anymore. Can somebody help me? They get to see that in real time and you're going to have to follow these steps. The hard work is just beginning, right?

But they're going to get to watch their mom reach out. They're going to watch their mom walk back in the doors of a church and say, I can't do this by myself anymore. They're going to watch their mom say, hey kids, I got to go to work. They're going to get to watch their mom do all that. And they're going to take those lessons into their families.

Okay? I just want to make them proud. Yeah. Oh, you are. Trust me, you are. The fact that you're standing and breathing, you're making them proud. On top of what Dave just said, I'm going to throw in our friends at BetterHelp. I'm going to throw in three months or six months of free counseling for you, okay? Thank you. And hang on the line here. Austin will get you connected with our friends at BetterHelp, and they have been great, great partners with me and the Ramsey Show here,

and they're going to take care of you for the next six months, okay? Thank you so much, Scott. I really appreciate it. You can do that from your phone. You can do that from your computer. We got you. What kind of mortgage is this? FHA, VA, or conventional? I think it's, I know it's an arm, but I think it's a conventional because when we bought it. Who has the mortgage? Who's the mortgage company? Ameris. Oh, okay.

Good. Good. Good, good, good. Okay. That's wonderful. They're just giving me a hard time about everything because I'm not on the mortgage, but I'm authorized on it. Yeah, they don't have any choices here. Okay. There are laws and regulations and things that are, they think they're in control of this.

They're not. Sarah, I wish you could watch this. Dave just gave the smile. When Dave gives the smile, crap's about to get done. Hang on. I'll just going to pick up. We'll get you taken care of, kiddo. This is The Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Our question today comes from Neighborly, your hub for home services. When you need to make repairs, schedule routine maintenance, or find local help for home improvement projects, Neighborly is your source for reliable home service providers in your area. Go to Neighborly.com to start your search. All right, today's question comes from Anthony in North Carolina. Anthony writes,

Just started listening to your show. I'm 42 and divorced and have $73,500 in consumer debt. After making minimum payments, rent, and child support, I have about $900 left over. It seems like it will take me six plus years to get this mess cleaned up. Another one plus years to build an emergency fund and then two to three more years to save for a house. At that point, I'll be 53 years old. I have zero savings for retirement. It's overwhelming and I feel hopeless. My question is, how do I hold on to hope as I work through this debt?

Hmm. is how do I hold on to hope as I work through this debt hmm well I mean in six years you'll be done that's a lot of hope I mean if you don't do this in six years you're going to still be screwed so that's hope number one uh hope number two is uh sell a car because it's probably 40,000 of the 70,000 and you're strutting around as a divorcee in a car you don't need uh i'm guessing but i could not there's a possibility i've done this before maybe sell the house or maybe or maybe work all the time take three jobs instead of watching netflix yeah and brooding um redefine yourself as a person who works all the time because you ain't got nothing else to do and it's kind of good for you when you're uh when you got the blues and you've been through heartbreak and heartache and anger and rage and all the things that go with divorce and

uh just go work like a maniac and let's turn the six years into two or sell the car and turn it into one or something like that that That's how you do it. What are the variables? Henry Cloud talks about your desired future. What must be true? Okay, what must be true for this six years to turn into two? We sell some stuff and we work more. Right, you can only make more money or spend less money.

That's it, right? Yep, and I'm not sure we've done this budget properly either. We'll keep working on the budget too. But, you know, what else is going on? You got a big tax refund because you got too much coming out of your check. And so we change your check. And, oh, now there's $2,000 a month coming in because we used to get a $10,000 tax refund. We change another $800 a month when we do that i don't know when we get down

into your deal but uh there's never one set of facts there's never a singular path is the only path and you've laid this out as if this is a in a fatalistic way as if as if this is the only method your method and it takes six years, and that terrifies me. Or let this be the slowest method. You laid it all out. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. Then in 10 years, I'll be ready to buy a house. Yeah.

Then let's say, okay, cool. Game on. How can I cut this 10 years down to three? How can I cut this 10 years down to five, 10 years down to four? Two, one. Get after it, yeah. Yeah, so I'm telling you300, $500 consumer debt, there's a car in there. I might be wrong. I might be wrong.

But it could be just stuff that's all left over from the divorce. It could be a bunch of medical and old student loan and old IRS debt or something like that. I don't know what it is. But, yeah. This sounds like somebody who yeah I mean the this question is somebody sitting in a pile of what could have been and what I thought was gonna happen and it's not and it it does feel defeatist and you're looking at the math you're like this just this is my life on top of the divorce on top of the losing my kids on

top of all this stuff and there's something about getting a couple people around you standing up adjusting the ash off yourself and then getting after it man yeah what's the other option right what's the other option netflix and booze like right what's the other option yeah and and i if i don't like what the deal is change the change the deal change the deal i don't like the secure change it by changing something else change change your income. Change your outgo. Change where you're renting. You know, do something bizarre and outrageous. If you want outrageous results, you have to do outrageous things.

And if you want normal results, do normal things. That's right. And that's true in almost anything. You have to, you know, you have to go at it, baby. I mean, at it. It's game on. But the truth is that you've been through one of the most devastating events that a human can go through, a divorce. It emotionally guts you. It is a form of trauma.

Agreed? Absolutely. And your heart's broken. The wind is out of your sails. You don't have the swagger you had what you thought for your life is now different it's over right you have to change the whole story and it feels like since that sucks then i have to so if i had to suffer there i got to suffer over here too it's just like it starts to kind of this uh it becomes not what happened

to me becomes i am this exactly exactly like i you Exactly. Like, you know, this is, you know, this has redefined my life as a disaster. I didn't experience a failure. I'm a failure, right? Yeah. And that's where hopelessness comes from. So Proverbs says hope deferred, hope put off, makes the heart sick. And that's what hopelessness is. And then it goes on to say but when desire comes

ah there we go when what is your desired future when desire comes when i start to see a light at the end of the tunnel that's not an oncoming train yeah when desire comes it is the tree of life and uh it'll light you up man it is the it is the power it is the truly the power of hope and some people do that's not cheesy that's just factual some people do hope with vision boards and what what it took for me and my wife or really for me she just went along with it man was just making one of those uh construction paper chains that little kids use before they go on the ski trip and just writing the numbers down. But I got to see it on the wall.

And every day I got to say, okay, I'm headed towards that. I'm headed towards that. And we tore off a link every time we paid a debt off. We tore another link. We tore another link. And, man, we got there real, real quick. And we got to see it. It wasn't this idea.

It was right there. If you lean in and you do a detailed budget and you agree with yourself, I'm going to do whatever it takes. A hundred percent of the time I see people do that. The math quits working in a good way. It's wild. You move faster than the math told you you were going to move every single time. It just,

uh, there's something about the power of momentum and when people decide when they make a decision, but it also works the other way that if you make a decision i'm going to sit in a hole and play in the mud and whine about it i mean that we can all we can all do the compound interest for your life it escalates this way but also de-escalates that way exactly there's you can't just kind of sit there in the middle it doesn't work you either game on or you're either happening to it or it's happening to you right so victor or victim you are not a victim of this situation and you rise up above

it you pounce on it you beat the snot out of it and you change its direction and that's what you can do it's doable we see people do it all the time we know you can too i know you can open phones here at 888-825-5225 thank you for joining us we're so glad you're here this whole money thing does revolve around uh in a in a very strange way belief it's something as logical as math as arithmetic doesn't change until you change. And when you change your belief and you go, huh, I can be a millionaire. That's what upsets me so much about people telling people there's no hope in America to build wealth anymore, that all the opportunity is gone and the little man can't get ahead and people that came from the neighborhood I came from can't do it.

And whatever that neighborhood that is, everyone says that for some reason. And that's the hope stealers that are out there telling people it can't be done and that's why i did baby steps millionaires not because i wanted to show a factual uh although i did show a factual uh debate on hey it is possible and i've got all this data to prove it's possible but i also did that to prove to the hope stealer to the people who've had their hope stolen by the hope stealers, that it's not so. It's possible. Because believing it is necessary to taking the action. That's right.

You will not take the action unless you believe it. And so that's a big deal. It's a big deal. That's why we do the math we do here on the air with you. It's very, very possible. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, my co-host today. His new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, is on pre-sale right now at ramseysolutions.com. Jump over there and get a copy.

Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey, we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the Ramsey way. Just go to RamseySolutions.com today to sign up for our newsletter. Again, that's RamseySolutions.com to sign up for our weekly newsletter.