The Ramsey Show - App - Everyone Seems To Be Winning Except Me (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thanks for hanging out with us, America. We're glad you're here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Number one best-selling author of the book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, PhD in Counseling, and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show.

Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jump in and we'll talk to you about your life and your money. Hillary is with us. Hillary is in Salt Lake City. Hi, Hillary. How are you? I'm good.

Thanks. I appreciate the chance to be able to talk to you. Honored to speak with you. How can we help? So I just see a lot of people my age or younger bragging and boasting about their nice cars, houses, and vacations. And I just feel like I'm losing at life. I live a pretty humble lifestyle, but what am I doing wrong? How do I afford this? You said people your age. What is your age? I'm 33. Okay. You're single? Yes. Okay. What do you make? I make $60,000 before taxes. Good for you. What do you do? I'm a health educator. Cool. Fun. All right. Do you have a

lot of debt? I actually have no debt except for my mortgage, which I only owe $140,000. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. Well, this is the problem that the millennial, your generation, was one of the first ones to really, really struggle with it. Rachel Cruz, my daughter, wrote a number one bestselling book talking about this whole thing of the power of social media and the power of – it used to be that we would say, don't keep up with the Joneses. Have you ever heard that old saying?

Of course. Yeah. But the problem was in those days, it wasn't as hard to keep up with the Joneses. Have you ever heard that old saying? Of course. Yeah. But the problem was in those days, you know, it wasn't as hard to keep up with the Joneses because they lived next door and you saw them drive in their car, but you also saw them have big fight. And you also knew that their kids were messed up and you knew this and you knew that. So, you know, when they got a car, it wasn't as big a deal because you kind of knew some of the dirt too, right? But on social media, your only thing you're looking at is the highlight reel

you're only looking because nobody posts on there how my husband just got me a 1992 honda hashtag blessed you know nobody does that right and nobody posts the three weeks after the beach vacation and the fight around the credit card bill and we can't buy groceries and diapers yeah they don't post that and so what you're seeing what you're seeing and really our whole culture uh even old people like me that look at social media we all can fall prey to this because we're not seeing reality what we're seeing is only what you know have you ever seen these pictures of these little like all the little children in the little like they're five and four and six and they're all like wearing little white suits and they're on a picnic blanket and they're at the park and it's

like oh we're at the park when i went to the park with three kids it looked like freaking wrinkling brothers and barnum and bailey circus one of them's in the mud the other one's pulling the other one's hair we wouldn't have had a picture like that a million years can you imagine taking rachel cruz at four years old to the park and expecting her to behave not a chance i don't know how these people get those are those mannequins how do they get them to sit like that take that picture and that's what you're comparing to they push a button now and it takes a thousand pictures at once and it catches one and it's like that's it right hey so photoshop their own kids hillary where are you seeing this are you seeing on social media you

getting your friends texting you about it where are you seeing it just kind of everywhere i mean social media is a big part of it, obviously, with TikTok and Instagram and Facebook. But also just, you know, at work someone says, oh, I'm going to the Bahamas for two weeks, or oh, look at my new Escalade, and it's just like. Have you ever been to the Bahamas? No, but I'm like, your Escalade costs more than my.

Let me just tell you, there's a couple places there that are nice, but there's a whole lot of dumpy crap with a one good picture on the website too i mean it looks like like 1960s holiday inn down there a lot of times be careful with that one uh i love the bahamas i just love it but anyway yeah but i mean even atlantis is getting really old i'm just saying here's uh hillary here's the i i think it's a both and. Yeah. That Escalade is actually really an amazing car. They're very nice. And 99% chance that's not real money that bought that.

And so if you just called into the show and said, I'm a 33-year-old single female. I make 60 grand. I only have 120 grand left on a house i bought myself we would be going touchdown celebrate you as like the model like i i i'm looking and saying i hope my daughter josephine is in that kind of situation if she finds herself 33 making 60 grand in utah and she's unmarried i hope she's exactly in the situation you're in that'd be amazing you're amazing you've done a great job you're doing doing it right. I guess. You're the indie filmmaker, and all you have is a camera, and you're telling real stories,

and you can't compete with the Godzilla movies that are made in computer labs. That's what you're doing. Well, that makes me feel better because I just, you know, and I also recently just paid cash for my master's degree, and so all that money that I have saved, I'm just like, that could have been a vacation or a car. I shouldn't have done that. Did you just put an investment in yourself for the next 50 years of your life? You traded a master's degree for Bahamas.

This is a good trade. I hope so. Oh, man. But, yeah, I guess it's nice to have some reassurance. Yeah, and here's the other thing. I had to go through the thing when I was a little bit younger than you when I went broke. I was 28. And I was driving younger than you when I went broke. I was 28.

And I was driving a Jaguar when I went broke. And it broke my heart to drive a hoopty after that. And I drove this horrible old vehicle. But I, by then, had become so disgusted with me and how I was behaving with the people, like the people you're talking about. I was buying stuff that for other people look at. And I got all that completely fried out of my soul when I went broke. And I don't buy anything now for anybody except for sharing to me. I don't even care if my kids like it. As a matter of fact, I kind of like it if they don't like it so I just buy I

buy stuff a hundred percent I drove a really nice car today because I really like that car I don't even care if anybody sees it I like the car and I had a good time driving it here and that's the only reason I buy it so but I used to have to pull up in those hoopties i drove a car that was loaned to me that was at 90 bondo and it the vinyl roof was torn loose across the front so when you drove it it filled up with air looked like a parachute on top and so i would pull up at a stoplight after having drive it driven a jaguar and the top would settle deflate it would deflate come back down at the stoplight meanwhile i'm sitting next to people in nice cars that just got home from the bahamas and i'm looking at them going what am i doing wrong

and uh what i finally realized that today if you did that if you pulled up next to somebody the average car payment at that stoplight is 750 dollars see i like what you said. Yes. Your verbal comment was perfect. You're winning, Hillary. Okay, Hillary, can I poke at one quick thing before we go to break? Sure, sure. How much of these videos you're seeing,

these pictures you're seeing of these trips, are reinforcing a sense of loneliness? Probably a lot, because I feel like they just can go do whatever, you know. Okay. I want that to be where your emphasis is, not on trying to get the vacation. Should I get a master's degree and pay for it with cash or go on vacation? Of course get the master's.

I want you to start creating opportunities to have friends and community and connection and laughter right where you live. Start cultivating that and it's going to make the other shiny stuff. It's just going to not be that big a deal. You're right where you need to be. A couple of books to tell you about or remind you of. For one thing, many of you are looking for the simple, straightforward plan to get out of debt work the baby steps well the book that taught everybody the baby steps is called the total money makeover we're celebrating that book because uh wow now it's actually what is it 20 years 25 years old 20 years old whatever it is we're celebrating the anniversary of the book and it's um just came out with a new version of

it updated it and for twenty dollars you get the total money makeover and three months of every dollar premium for free so for less than a movie ticket or a few drinks at starbuck you can invest in changing your life go to ramsey solutions.com get the new anniversary edition of the total money makeover it is it includes three months of the premium version of every dollar also uh one of my best friends in the world is a guy named dr henry cloud that wrote a book called boundaries and he's a good friend of john's as well uh well-known psychologist boundaries is what made henry a household name for some of you he's also written plenty of other books um necessary endings integrity or two that come to mind and um always about relationships and and uh business and uh you know he's a psychologist and so he's always writing in those veins and he did something

uh a little risky for him and uh he sent me the manuscript, and I read it about six months ago when he was in the middle of it, and I had tears running down my face. It is, I read everything that Henry writes. Number one, he's a world-class thinker and author, but number two, he's a good friend. And this is a book completely different than anything he's ever done.

It's called Why I Believe, A Psychologist's Thoughts on Suffering, Miracles, Science, and Faith. So it's my good friend Henry explaining why he believes in God. Because he runs in an intellectual world, a bunch of nerds, and he said, I've always wanted to tell my friends these things but i sometimes lose the courage to do it in person and it can't find the right venue and it's uncomfortable and they always wonder these things about me because they know i'm a person of faith but they didn't know why and they couldn't couldn't juxtaposition that with their

science knowledge you know yeah henry and i were talking a few weeks ago and i haven't couldn't juxtaposition that with their science knowledge you know yeah henry and i were talking a few weeks ago and i haven't seen him this clear-eyed and excited about getting a book out i mean this one's sitting on his chest and it's it sounds pretty remarkable i can't wait to dig into it yeah his last book was the number one number best or number one or a national bestseller as well trust it just came out about a year ago, I guess, and all about how to build trust and how to regain trust after it's broken and those kinds of things. We had him on the show talking about that. But this is completely, it's a departure for him.

And I highly recommend it. Why? I believe. It's very well done. If you ever wondered, oh, there it is. You ever wondered why bad things happen? How can a God exist if bad things happen? Oh, yeah, that's classic doctrinal juxtaposition there, right? So how is it that we could have little children suffering and there be an all

loving God? How is that possible? How can you figure that out and work that through from a philosopher's viewpoint or a theologian's viewpoint? Yeah, it's very interesting. So Henry, as a psychologist, tackles all this. Why? I believe. It's a brand-new book. It comes out today, but I recommend it highly. Christy is with us.

No, I'm sorry. Chassidy. Chassidy is with us. I'm sorry. I got half looked at. In San Francisco. Hi, Chassidy. How are you?

I'm so good. How are you guys today? Better than we deserve. What's up? So I kind of had an awakening moment today. I kind of threw my hands up in the air, and I'm totally at a loss. So I'm calling in to get some advice on a credit card, of course. I have a $13,000 credit card.

Actually, it was $15,500. And I started the Baby Steps and I got it down to $13,700. But it's a credit card with interest rate of $26,900, I think. I got it when I was younger. But I've had it for like 10 years and it's gotten this way, way up there. And now I'm starting to be like, uh, how do I get this down? Um, the interest rate is so high every, every month that goes up to 300, I think it's $330 interest alone. Minimum payment of $450. So I'm just kind of really upset with myself. I have a lot of anxiety, and it's kind of just gotten out of control.

I've tried thinking about doing the balance transfer, but then you were like, no, it's just, you know, I just don't know what to do what do you make what's your income so it kind of differs because i'm a flight attendant and my hours are kind of all over the place but this month i'm making probably five thousand without taxes taken out, so probably $60,000 a year. And I don't have a lot of other things. It's just the credit card. My car is paid off.

I do pay $1,600 in rent because of San Francisco. But I really don't have anything else other than this stupid credit card. How did you end up in San Francisco as a flight attendant? Well, I was kind of lost because I don't have a college degree, and I was like, how am I going to be able to make it in the world? And I love traveling, so I just jumped into it. How did you end up in San Francisco, though? Being a flight attendant in san francisco is unusual so we have huge bases in these big cities new york san francisco

those kind of places so i just got stuck with san francisco kind of oh they assigned it where they put me could you transfer to a much much cheaper place to live no a lot and i've been i have a transfer in right now to houston okay yeah that would be like half yeah yeah but um i'm kind of stuck here at least for a year because i am in a leaf okay do you is your schedule so inflexible that you don't know or let me assist do you find days i know how much okay i know a month in advance yeah so like next month i'm only making 39 000 so what are you doing what are you doing in your off on your off days yeah so um the fa has regulations on how much we can work we can only like work six days in a row so on on my off days, I'm at home.

So the thing I know about anxiety is the more you think about it, the more powerful it becomes. And the only way I've seen anybody be successful, myself included, dealing with anxiety is to head directly through the middle of it with action. And so my challenge to you would be, if you already know, I'm going to have $3,900 next month, which is about $1,100 less money than I normally bring home. You could already be lining up Uber jobs, Uber Eats jobs. Is that sexy? No. Does anybody want to be doing that? No. But you could drive from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., stuck in that car, making a chunk of money, and you could have this debt knocked out like in three or four months, and it'd be gone from your life. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's just... I know. And this is where my anxiety comes into play, because I was paying $1,000 on it before when I started the baby step. Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I want you to stop right there. I want to stop right there.

Anything that happened yesterday, I want to wipe it off because it's just bleeding all over today. Let's simply make a plan moving forward and act on that plan. What you know is you're going to have fewer days to work next month. You're going to be at home just sitting at home. Why not take one of those mobile jobs that came out of your area and just get after it? It will be uncomfortable. Yes. Annoying. Yes. All those things. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And we're playing a 120-day game. Four months down the road, we're going to not owe this debt anymore because we worked really hard for four months. You what i'm saying your anxiety will go down when you're working all the time your anxiety will go down when you're paying off the debt that's giving you anxiety and see dave um my family's kind of like you they're like

you just need to go to work you need to get over it so what's wrong no no no no no i didn't say get over it no i said go to work go through it don't get over it you can't get over it. So what's wrong with it? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, I didn't say get over it. No, not get over it. I said go to work. Go through it. Don't get over it. You can't just get over it. Go through it. Go through it. But why not go? What's wrong with going to work? No, nothing.

Okay, good. And that's the market. Good, because that's what you got to do, kiddo. That's the answer to your question. Because otherwise, you're just sitting on the couch worrying. And you're worried about this interest rate. You're a pile of anxiety on the couch. A race.

Who cares about the interest rate? Just go straight through it. $13,000, you can knock this out. If you pay it off in three months, interest rates are irrelevant mathematically. Doesn't matter. That's right. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today.

Steve's with us in Boston. Hi, Steve. How are you? Good. How are you doing? Better than better than i deserve sir what's up so a couple years ago my wife passed away unexpectedly after having her second child um so i'm finally mentally i think in a place where i can go back to the finances and try to tackle what we had begun. My question becomes, it's student loan based. Should I withdraw funds from my TSP to pay off my student loans and just move forward with everything from that point starting fresh or maintain my TSP and just make larger payments into student loans.

Wow. How old are you? 40. How old was she? Same age. When she passed, she was 38. Yeah. What was her name?

I'd rather not. Oh, okay. Good call. Good call. Okay. And What was her name? I'd rather not. Oh, okay. Good call. Good call. Okay. And it was childbirth? Yeah. He was born substantially premature, so he had probably five months in a NICU.

And he still has some medical issues. But she passed during childbirthbirth is what you're saying yeah shortly after within within a day or two okay i'm so sorry steve what do you do man uh so i work i work for the government actually and um tsp yeah and um so uh what's your income salary 105 105 000 and then uh i collect va disability on top of that and that's about 30 a year okay so you got 145 000 to work with. And what savings you had, the co-pays and the out-of-pocket portion that the insurance didn't cover wiped it out? Yeah. Yep.

Okay. All right. Were these student loans, any of them hers or are they all yours? No, they were all mine. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. and how much debt is the student loan uh about 115 give or take 32 federal and then the remainder I think it's 85,000 private okay but 115 total okay all right yeah and um you I think you said you have two children. Is that right?

Yes, that's correct. Okay. So you have a two-year-old, and how old's the other one? Four. Okay. Wow, man. You got your plate full, brother. You're amazing.

I'm so proud of you for just, just getting up every morning. Wow. Um, well, in the middle of all this, uh, uh, strain raising two little ones, one of them, a preemie and going through the tragedy that you've been through. Um, uh, I think you've done really well to just be where you are uh because a lot of people the they could or you could have really done some really dumb things in the last two years and had good reason to have not had your brain working well you know what i'm saying yeah so i think you've done a really really good job of holding this together way to go um the um the the mathematical answer and the correct answer

is no don't take money out of your tsp to clear the 115 although what you're trying to say what i'm hearing in this story is enough pain already i don't want any more pain i've had enough pain i've got pain i don't need any more i don't want to sacrifice to pay off this student loan debt uh i just want this crap to go away uh but the problem is when you pull the money out of the tsp you're gonna get the 10 penalty plus your tax rate which is 35 so you're going to pay 45 cents on the dollar to pull this money out 45 interest you're borrowing money at to get rid of your student loan no don't do that okay that's the answer it's um it would it would temporarily feel really good to to have a win you know and uh and and so that's that's what motivates you

to think this way and i'm really glad you called I'm going to beg you not to do that, even though I completely understand the pain threshold that you're dealing with. And so I, you know, what I'm going to do is tighten down the budget, and it's going to take you, you know, if you said $145,000 and we live on $110,000, then it's going to take you three years to clean this up, right? Yeah. Yeah, and that's what I'm going to do. You're going to be 43, and you'll be debt-free, and you'll be continuing to rebuild your life and have this new version of what tomorrow looks like that you're leaning into, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines i think i just needed somebody to validate it yeah yeah well uh listen have you been through uh financial peace university ever uh no actually i haven't okay i'm going to give that to you as our gift i want to come alongside you and let you because that'll give you some a safe place to learn and even a group of people to be with while they're learning the same things uh while you're processing because you've been processing a lot in the last 24 months agreed 100 yeah can you hear us when we tell you that we're proud of you yes Yes, yes. It's nice to hear. Believe me.

Because I know you've had a lot of long days and long nights and really dark nights, and there's nobody there cheering you on when you're changing diapers and you're changing out, you know, like pick lines or whatever you're having to do, and we just want you to know we see you, and we're grateful for you, man man yeah yeah my son's got a four-year-old and none of the other problems and the four-year-old's enough yeah he shows up kind of haggard sometimes yeah he ain't got none of the other stuff he just got the four-year-old and that's enough i'm just saying just throw in a two-year-old for the heck of it and mix in some of this other stuff. Man, wow. Wow.

You're a stud, man. Hey, we're here for you. If you need us, you call us anytime. We love you. And you hang on. Christian will pick up, and we'll get you guys signed up for financial peace, and we'll walk with you while you move into this next phase of life the way you didn't think it was going to look.

Ouch. That's one of the few things dave i cannot wrap my head around i can't wrap my head around going home and having the house be quiet and having my wife not be there and then think i'm going to make good choices the following minute i just can't wrap my head around it it's tough yeah my heart goes out for people we've designed our whole estate plan that i die first and there's a reason it's because sharon has a plan but i can imagine your estate attorney being like uh what happens if dave what happens if you die sharon and she's like that's not gonna happen the estate attorney was like yeah have

you seen the way he eats no there's no way i'm not she walks eight miles every morning there's no chance he's gonna outlive me oh i can't i can't oh i can joke about it because it keep me from crying but the um i'm with you i can't i can't get my head around that and um the the the sad thing is on this money stuff is that when tragedy happens and you can give tragedy a bunch of different names but uh death of a loved one is certainly tragedy um the math on this stuff doesn't stop no that's the hardest part man and so the negative math of the debt just keeps piling up and the positive math of the investments just keeps piling up right money doesn't care right

it doesn't have a soul it doesn't give you a day off because you're having a bad day it doesn't give you um it doesn't take a day off because you're not working hard it's the hardest working when you get working for you but what you said was that what you said to this this this good guy was it was so true i just dude i just want to stop hurting i just want to stop hurting and sometimes at 11 o'clock at night when the kids are asleep but i'm just scrolling by myself i'll take the 45 percent hit i just want this to go away and i'll be able to breathe again i need a win and you just need a friend to say hey please don't do that please don't do that yeah we'll be your friend yeah we'll walk with you man that's that. Please don't do that. We'll be your friend.

Yeah. We'll walk with you, man. That's what we do. And we're honored to be your friend for just a moment here. That's what we do for America. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America.

Today's question comes from Christian in Tennessee. My wife and I went to college and racked up significant student loans. The crux of our problem is that part of it was on a Parent PLUS loan that's under her father's name. Her father and mother would like to get rid of that loan. They want us to take it on. We're in no way, shape, or form in a position to take on what has now turned into a sixty thousand dollar loan we feel bad want to help out but don't know what to do i hate parent plus loan i do too i do too thanks for thanks for picking me up there my headphones got all tangled up and uh

i was stumbling and bumbling um okay dave tell me if this rings true with you i'm 18 years old mom and dad have it in their heart that they want to make me happy so they co-sign for this loan for this thing that's not a co-sign it's a parent plus loan they just borrowed it they borrow the money on a thing that we can't afford assuming there was not an agreement around the kitchen table that we're going to take this parent plus loan but you're going to be responsible for it now they're realizing oh this is a sixty thousand dollar loan and uh they're not in shape to pick it up and we can't keep carrying this thing so we each other take it on at the end of the day mom and dad signed the loan they signed the loan they signed the loan yeah you know there's right legally just from a legal perspective obviously christian does not owe the money his mom and dad owe the money period end of story okay so if you just say no they gotta pay it legally now morally

did you promise them when uh did she promise them her father and mother um did she promise them that she would take on the loan after she graduated? And they just took the loan out on her behalf on a handshake morally. If that's the case, then you have a different kind of a contract, although it is a contract. It's not a legal contract, but it's a morally binding. She gave her word, in which case you guys have a loan. Now, you can't just take on the loan you can take on the payments you can pay off the loan you're not in a position to do that but you could pay extra

payments and pay off the loan you can treat it like it's your loan but legally it never comes out of their name until it's paid off you can't just decide i'm going to move this to somebody else's name they don't let you do that okay and there's not a consolidation that consolidates your loan into my name there's no such thing okay so it's gonna stay there in their name if you pay payments and you pay extra payments to get it paid off until it is paid off but i'm with john i i think the the thing that is not in your question not in your email here christian is did your wife promise her mom and dad at the time they took out the loans that she would take it on after graduation if she did then the two of you need to take it on 100 you

need to take it on if she didn't then i'm sorry that they are inconvenienced by their former decisions her mom and dad took on a loan i'm not really sorry that was sarcasm but yeah um big girl big big big daddy big mama done signed up for this thing and then they're gonna dump it on the kids because i don't like it now yeah and to get a parent plus loan that means you've taken out a whole bunch of other loans too that is your wife's probably carrying, right? And if you met at college, you probably got student loans too. So I can see this whole thing being a big mess. Dave, and this is why we say this over and over and over and over.

The number of times this turns into a rift in the relationship between parents and their kids is so high. Yeah, it's approaching 100 100 just don't do it because you're gonna you're gonna pay for it relationally down the road it's just not worth it don't borrow money for other people and don't co-sign for anything ever under any circumstances a hundred percent of the time this goes sideways boys and girls so my little brother needed a car so i borrowed the money a hundred percent of the. My boyfriend wanted a car, so I borrowed the money 100% of the time. You end up being a caller on this show and entertain the rest of America with your foolishness.

If your little brother needs a car and you can give him one, give it to him, but don't borrow money and say, okay, we're going to have a payment plan. If your kid wants to go to college, you want to make them happy, teach them to work. Don't pick a college they can afford or don't go to college, you want to make them happy? Teach them to work. Tell them to pick a college they can afford. Or don't go to college. Go be a welder. I don't care, but don't go in debt. Go spend $10,000 and go to code school and make $150,000 of coding. Okay, but don't go in debt.

This student loan stuff is absolutely stupid. It's so out of control. People are putting off having children and buying homes because of student loans. We must forgive them, but we continue to make them. This is so intellectually dishonest. On one side of these politicians' mouth, they whine and cry about the poor little people who have gotten themselves destroyed by these student loans, and it is horrible. And on the other side of their mouth, they keep making the stupid loans.

Congress, hello. If you have screwed up the culture with these loans, stop making them. Hello. What other time in history could an 18-year-old go down to the bank and convince a banker to loan them $145,000 to go play beer pong? What other time in history could this happen? Every time in other in history, a banker would have looked at you and said, you're a dadgum fool, son.

There's a great comedian. He said, it's basically a small business loan, and I'm the business. You shouldn't loan me money. it's it just doesn't make any sense it's the dumbest program ever but it was all predicated on the idea that education solves everything and education doesn't solve stupidity turns out it exasperates it so especially when you add with education the idea i need to go to a famous school i need to go to a school that's well known so now i'm really going to go deeply in debt and get a degree in left-handed puppetry so i can owe 260 000 bucks and be a barista this is what this crap has created

and you and i boys and girls the taxpayers are paying for that. Christian, I'm so sorry you're in the middle of this mess. I'm sorry. You just got me riled up. But I just hurt for you folks. It hurts. And it's just that it angers you when you look at $1.7 trillion of this stupidity floating around. And Christian and his father-in-law are now at odds. Think about that.

Oh, yeah. Thanksgiving dinner does not. They're not going be able to go to to the holidays thanksgiving dinner tastes different and when he buys a car his father-in-law is gonna say he's gonna look give him a stink eye bought a car but you didn't you didn't take you can take care of the loan i took out what kind of man are you kind of integrity what do you mean it's like and then you're gonna say well you ain't gonna see your grandkids you know this is where this is going i mean this it doesn't go well this doesn't end this story is not a pretty story and bless his heart he's writing on behalf of his wife it's her parents and let's say christian um we talked about this earlier well let's say your wife did shook She shook her parents' hands and said, Mom, I just have to go to this college so bad,

and all they'll let me take out is $100,000. If y'all take out the other $60,000, I'll pay you back when I get a job. Then you and your wife need to sit down and map out a plan. To pay this. And it's going to cost you your, quote, unquote, following your passion.

It's going to cost you your right now dream. Y'all got to go get a whole bunch of jobs, and you're going to have to probably get roommates. Y'all are going to have to live a different kind of life than you thought because y'all set this stuff up years ago. And unfortunately, the world let y'all do this. Before the world let you buy alcohol, they let you borrow $150,000. Before the world let you get tattoos.

You can't buy a firearm, but you can buy a firearm. You can't buy a gun or get a tattoo or buy cigarettes but man you can sign this paper right here and unfortunately that's the world you're in. Math doesn't care how you feel. Y'all got to figure out a way to get this thing paid off and just scratch and claw and get it done. Your relationship with your in-laws

and tension in your family tree is not worth it. It's just not. It's not. If she said she would pay it, if she didn't say that she would pay it, then you've got a different kind of difficult conversation, which is mom and dad, she didn't make you a promise to pay this. We're in no more of a position to pay it than you are. I'm really sorry. We can't take this on.

We love you, but we can't take this on. And maybe in five years, if y'all are having some success, maybe you can start chipping in or something. But right now you can't do it. You can't take this on and maybe in five years if y'all are successful like having some success maybe you can start chipping in or something but right now you can't do it you can't do it but not as an obligation that's an act of charity it's an act of gift yeah it's a gift it's a gift it's not an obligation there's a different thing here and so but this all gets twisted up so parents stop it Stop it. Stop it. Look at your 18-year-old, you wuss, and say no. Parents who are wusses are causing this. Grow a backbone. Run down to Walmart.

You can buy one on aisle three. Get you a backbone and look at your little 17 year old and say no no it's a powerful word it'll set the next decade free this is the ramsey show Thank you.