The Ramsey Show - App - Excuses Are Limiting Your Success! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

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🎵 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Dr. John Deloney, here with my good friend and co-host, Mr. Anthony O'Neill. We are ready to take your calls about your marriages, about your lives, about your money. Give us a call at 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Let's go straight out to Jackie in St. Louis, Missouri. Jackie, how are we doing? Hey, hey, I'm doing good. Outstanding. How can we help? Yeah, I'm just going to get right to it. So we are debt-free, and we have an emergency fund,

but my husband's car just bit the dust, so now we are going to have to, we're looking at new vehicles, so we're looking at another, having a car payment. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is that, Jackie? Well, because he's looking at trucks, and the sticker prices are about $38,000. Why in the world would you do that to yourself and your heart and your marriage and your home after all y'all went through? I don't know, because he needs a new vehicle.

And, you know, he doesn't want a car because we haul stuff. You're talking about wants and needs, and I get that. That's another conversation. You have an emergency fund for this moment. When your car inevitably craps out, which yours has, why in the world would you not use your emergency fund to deal with a financial emergency? I don't know. In our savings, which is our emergency fund, we have $23,000 in there.

So he was going to put $20,000 down on the truck, and then we were going to finance the rest. Oh, so even better. So you're going to liquidate your emergency fund, and then you're going to go into debt on top of it. That sounds like genius on top of genius. Anthony, bail me out here, man. No, I'm not bailing you out on this one. I'm just playing.

Hey, Jackie, talk to me, okay? What's y'all's annual income right now? Well, back in March, I lost my job after 21 years. They sold the company and did not need me in the office anymore. So we're just right now. Yeah, they gave us a good severance pay. So I'm looking right now. But he, my husband makes around $55,000 a year. $55,000 a year. And you said he needs a truck, correct? Correct. Not for work, but just wants a truck. We do a lot of stuff around the house and my sons

and my husband, they go out on four-wheelers, so he hauls stuff. It's just not feasible with a car. We'd always have to borrow something all the time. So, Jackie, here's my thing. The question is, should I buy a new car? Heck no. If you buy a new car? Heck no.

If you buy a new car, that would be one of the dumbest decisions that you and your husband will make. And here's why. You're just busting your butt to get out of debt, and you're going to go back into debt. No, no, no. You have $23,000 in your savings account. I don't really think you have to spend $20,000. I think you go out there and use, buy you a good quality used old, maybe about three to four years old vehicle. That is still quality. That still gets a job done because what I'm hearing you all say is we want,

we'd want, not that we need, but we want. So since you want a truck, I want you to go get a truck, but I want you to get a truck that's within your budget. Do not work hard to go forward and then you throw yourself backwards. All right. So should you buy a new car? No, ma'am. Okay. Should you buy a car right now? Yes. I have no problem with that that. If you want to get a truck, cool. But I would jump on AutoTrader or CarGurus and see what quality used trucks out there can you find

that's within your budget. Now, here's the thing, Jackie. When you all find that truck and you pay cash for it, you too need to buckle down and get your emergency fund back up. ASAP. So Jackie, can I tell you this as an insider?

I'm about to be vulnerable here on the Dave Ramsey show with my new friend Jackie. Go ahead. I like playing in the woods too. I like fixing stuff up around my house. I live in the woods. You sure do. I have an old truck. Yes, you do. It's an old truck. Yes, you do.

It's an 06, and it runs just fine. I'm a fancy pants personality with Dave Ramsey, but you know what I can't do? I can't afford a brand new truck yet. We haven't budgeted. We haven't set that up as a priority in my house. And playing in the woods and four-wheelers and hunting, as much as we love those things, that is play. Yeah. That's play. Yeah. That's play.

Can I say one thing, though? No, you can't say one thing. Because you're not going to convince us. You're not going to change my mind. Yeah, you're not going to convince us. No, no. I'm interested to hear what this is. Go ahead.

Yeah, no, we have actually went back and forth because we're smart like that. We're smart as far as going back and forth saying, should we get new or used? But the problem is, is in the past we have bought used and we have bought a lemon. Even though we did our homework, not saying it was a lemon at first, it lasted us a couple years, and then we had to start dishing money into it. So we took peace of mind now?

Yeah, but peace of mind is going to be on the other side of the teeter-totter for you're going to lose the peace of mind you have from being debt-free. Here's the thing. Buy an old truck that works and immediately make it a budget priority to start saving for the next one. And here's the thing. When we say old truck, we're not saying go and buy a 2002 truck. I'm saying at least go three years older.

2017 is still a good year in its quality. But here's what I think a lot of people get confused. The moment you buy the car and you put one mile on that car, it becomes a used car. Yes. So any car, brand new or used, can have potential problems in the next two years. So you didn't buy a lemon, Jackie. You bought a used car that unfortunately had issues. I bought a car, used car that had issues three years down the road.

So I definitely want to encourage you to go on ahead and just go ahead, get a quality car, use your emergency fund from your emergency fund, going ahead. And then from there, just get your emergency fund back up and work it that way. Then three years down the road, go and upgrade. And then five years down the road, go and upgrade and get to the kind of car that you want. But we have to stop America. Listen to us. We have to stop trying to make excuses to justify what we want to do.

The greatest enemy to our success, Dr. D, is our excuse. Yes. That is the greatest enemy to achieving our financial goals, to achieving our marriage goals, our life goals. It's our excuse. And what's our excuse? Is to remain comfortable. It is uncomfortable to say, no, Anthony, we're not going to do that. It's uncomfortable to be the dad who wants to take his boys out and says, guys, this is something we can't do this year. Yes.

Because the truck fell apart. Right. My truck fell apart, guys. Right. We're going to have to figure something else out this particular year. Yeah. And we're all going to save up. I'm going to take another job. You want to change your kids' lives?

Taking them into the woods, taking them four-wheeling, that's fun. Good memories. You want to change their life? Tell them no because you had to work really hard to buy a truck for next year. Then you're going to change their future. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. I get asked all the time about what people need to do to improve their family's money situation. Two of the most overlooked things are term life insurance and disability insurance. Both plans make sure that you have income to pay bills and take care of yourself and

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That's why I send you to Zander Insurance. They've been helping my listeners find the right plans at the lowest cost for almost 20 years. Call 800-356-1780 or visit zander.com and compare online. That's 800-356-1780 or zander.com. All right, let's go to Jake in New York City, New York. Jake, you're on the Dave Ramsey Show. How can we help, brother? Hey, how you doing?

Excellent, man. How are you? Hey, I'm doing well. Thank you very much. How can we help? Appreciate you guys. Yeah, I had a question for you. So a lot has changed this year for me with bought a really nice car,

actually had a down payment put down on the house, then started running into some of the Dave Ramsey stuff and kind of went backwards in a sense, actually pulled out of the home just because I didn't want to get into debt before I figured everything else out first. Negative equity on the car, which I traded in to get a car with a much smaller loan to get out of debt. And expecting a little one in the beginning of next year, around February-ish, March. Congratulations, Jake.

Thank you very much. So a lot going on here. I have about $7,000 to $10,000 saved. It paid off a huge chunk of my debt with college. I'm just trying to figure out how I allocate that money with a baby coming on the way and also just trying to overall put down my budget to make sure everything's good to go, and I'm not sure which direction to go. Also, with the significant other that I'm having a baby with, I want to also be proposing and want to get a ring. And I'm

getting advice from my parents. Hey, you need to buy a ring, put it on a card. And I'm like, what the heck, Dave Ramsey says, do not do that. And I don't want to be cheap, but at the same time, I also want to make sure that we're going down the right path and setting ourselves for a good future. Yeah, that's a good question, Jake, man. So let's outline the basics, all right? So what's your income right now, annually? I am at about $100,000, and that should be increasing as I move forward, based on bonus. But I'd say conservatively, $90,000 to $100,000 right now.

Okay, so $90,000 to $100,000. now. So $90,000 to $100,000. How much debt, total amount of debt, are you in right now? I have so getting out of the other loan and eliminating that, I have about $11,000 car loan from student loans, $18,000

and a credit card for $3,000 and a personal loan from some of my online schooling for nine. So about $40,000 to $45,000 total. All right. And you have a baby on the way. How far is your significant other? Due in February, March.

February, March. Okay. And then you guys are not living together? No, but we're planning right now. February, March. February, March. Okay. And then you guys are not living together? No, but we're planning right now. I mean, we've talked through it and planned a lot of it, so she knows that I am going to propose to her soon. You're going to propose?

Okay, cool. I love the fact that you are about to propose. It's serious and that's going to happen. It's just now trying to put in the opportunity to get the ring, and I was going to go a simple route but then talk to parents and be like, I know you need to get something nice. No disrespect to your parents but your parents don't have a say so in your life right now.

We're going to give you some advice and we don't have a say so in your life. We're just going to give you some wisdom. How much money do you have in the savings? I have about $8,000 in my savings right now. Okay, money do you have in the savings? I have about eight grand in my savings right now. Okay. Eight grand in the savings. All right. That's what I have access to. I have a 401k and stuff as well, but I'm not touching that.

And last question from a health perspective, how was your significant other and the baby? I mean, perfect. Everything right now from what we've seen is perfect and it looks all good to go. Cool. Here's what I'm going to recommend. And then Dr. Dale wants to come in and talk about the other stuff. Um, I want you to put two more grand aside for the baby. Okay. That book that put you at $10,000 just to make sure that when a baby comes into play, um, it comes into the life. If anything comes up, you don't have to rack up any more debt from there.

There's here's what I want you to do out of that ten thousand dollars. If you don't use all of it for the baby, I want you to use a little bit of that for the ring. Every woman in this world deserves a ring. But in your place right now, she's not getting a 5,000, 10,000, $15,000 ring right now because you have to live within your budget for your life. And I think the right woman will understand that, Hey, me and my husband moving forward, things will get better. I'll get a better ring years down the road.

But right now we're working on or we're working on freeing up our finances so we can enjoy life together, because I honestly want to see you all get married before you move in. And I just really want to do that just only because of my personal background and beliefs. I think you'll be healthier if you all were married, living together and raising this child in the same house. And so I don't have a problem with you pausing a little bit right now just to stack up this money for the baby. And Dan, whatever you don't use for that baby, you buy a, a very small, very affordable ring for your amazing bride to be.

And then after that, we're attacking this dead man. You feel me, Jake? Okay. Oh yeah. I was going to say, i also agree with that and i think with my beliefs i'm believer in god and just my faith yeah we definitely believe in you know doing it the right way getting married and living together once we're married and stuff so we're going down that path and she's very supportive i had like a promise ring that i had from before

she's like you can just use that one and we don't because she's all the dave ramsey and every time dave says something and you guys say something, she looks at me. Jake, brother, what are you doing? Jake, Jake, why are you calling two idiots on the radio, man? She gave you the pass, brother. She gave you the pass. Listen, do she have a system? Listen, listen today, Jake today, go find a ring and do this the right way.

Do it today. A ring? She just said she's okay with the promise ring. That's what I'm saying. Stop by James Avery. I don't care what you got to do, brother. I don't know who you're listening to, your parents. Use the promise ring.

Get married. Get engaged. Get this nonsense paid off. Spend a few months married, get engaged, get this nonsense paid off, spend a few months married, living together, learning each other before your whole world gets turned upside down with this new kid. And get ready to rock and roll for a wonderful, challenging, hard, beautiful adventure that's going to be the rest of your life as a husband and a father. And let me say this too, Jake. You said something that you didn't say in the beginning. You said that your wife is all

on board. We're on the same page. But my parents. Parents don't have a say-so in this. Don't get a vote. Yes. When you start having your own kids, your parents, they can give you wisdom. They can give you recommendations. They can put a sticky note on your fridge. But they don't get to decide

the size of the rock for your wife. That's not how that works unless they won't pay for it, and then you've got to tell your wife that my parents paid for your ring, and that's another weird conversation you don't want to have either, brother. No. God almighty. She said you can use the promise ring. Let's just do this.

Jake, it sounds like you've got cold feet, man. I think you should just get this done. Don't listen to your folks. Tell them, hey, we love you, but Dave wants us to be free we want to be free we want to do this the right way get it done that's what i'm saying all right let's go to gabriel in washington dc gabriel what is up doing good hey uh so i graduated um back in 2019 with like around $75,000 in debt. And I moved states to be closer to work. But just with COVID, my office moved to 100% work from home.

And I moved back home with my parents just to save money. And I've just been paying back. I've been paying down my debt like twice as fast. But I just want to know like when's the best time to like move back out. How old are you, Gabriel? I'm 22. All right, cool. Are you working right now? Yeah, I'm working right now.

Okay. How long have you been in the house? So I moved back in April. My roommate actually caught COVID and our lease was ending around the same time. So it just like worked out perfectly. Cool. So here's the thing, Gabriel. I want you to get a vision, get a plan, sit down with your parents. You got a year. Okay. You got one year, 22 years old. You'll be 23. I believe every young man should be out on their own as soon as they possibly can. But due to COVID, due to you being younger, I'm okay with you being home. But you're not home to be comfortable.

You're home to get, you know, just a solid foundation, a clear vision, a good job. And then from there, we're going to move forward to really getting out on your own. Because no woman want to be with a man who's living at home with his grown mama and grown daddy. All right. So get a plan. Get a vision. A year down the road, you should be having your own apartment. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. We've got two beautiful folks on the debt-free stage.

We've got a packed house here to watch what looks like another exciting debt-free scream. We've got Jordan and Ashley. How are you, good folks? Good. Outstanding. So where are you here from? Des Moines, Iowa, sort of. That's part of our story, too.

All right. You got my attention. Tell us the geography part of your story. Well, two years ago, we sold everything and we live in a fifth wheel most of the year for my husband's job so that we can be together as a family. And I see how many little kids out there? Two of them are ours. Fantastic. So all of you live in a fifth wheel trailer. You travel the country. Mostly Iowa. Oh, yeah, not the country.

Just Iowa. Mostly Iowa. All right. And so how much have you paid off? We paid off $65,000 in 13 months. $65,000 in 13 months. What was your range of income? 80 to 100.

80 to 100. So what do you do for a living? I'm the CEO of the home. Excellent. I love it. And I'm still an apprentice lineman. Apprentice lineman. So y'all go from job to job throughout Iowa and you run... Thankfully, he's not on storm work right now because he's done a lot of that recently too. Wow. Wow. Fantastic. All right. So what kind of debt was the $65,000?

The $65,000 was part of our fifth wheel. That was what we had left at the point when we said, that's it. We're paying it off. It says five. In 2015, we actually took financial peace and we had $50,000 in debt to pay off then. And we worked hard. I did babysitting. I did selling cakes.

I did math tutoring. Cleaned houses. Cleaned houses. He worked different jobs, did limo chauffeuring, did all kinds of extra stuff. We really knew how to work hard. But when we sold our house in 2018, we should have been debt free then. But I said, if if i'm gonna live in a camper it's gonna be a nice camper oh so we went into debt again and um here we are all right so

jordan you're almost there you're i guess you're debt-free for a moment you just haven't screamed it out loud and she comes to you and says listen buddy we're uh we're going back in the hole. Walk us through that. Well, I'd never really had a job that I loved, and I wanted to be a lineman, and I knew they made decent money. And so to do that and to have my family with me was worth it. All right. So we'll give you – We went back in. You're back here now, so we'll fast forward to the future here. All right. So what happened give you... We went back in. You're back here now. So we'll just... Got that guy. We'll fast forward to the future here.

All right. So what happened that got you on this journey? Well, 13... Well, not 13 months ago now, but from when we paid it off last April or however that worked, whatever the months were. We paid it off in April of this year, but 13 months previous to that, we had $25,000 sitting in our checking account that was like I was holding onto it. Because from when we sold our house, I knew we were doing Dave-ish then because I just really wanted to keep that money.

And I listened to the podcast religiously. And I finally came to him and I said, hey, I think we really have to do it Dave's way. And we need to put this $25,000 towards the camper and really get after it. And so we did. Yeah, we put that chunk on and then we paid the other $40,000 off in that 13 months. Was that easy? No. It was awful.

I totally felt more safe with the $25,000 sitting there for sure. Right. So the awful was less about the work and the paying off. It was the psychological security, right? Yeah. You felt like you were exposed there in your fifth wheel in the middle of Iowa somewhere. Right. With two little kids.

Right. And a lineman husband with an outstanding beard. So what helped you push through that psychological insecurity? That, like, my little blanket of I've got this secret little money over here in a savings account. Just trusting the process. Okay. Knowing that Dave's plan was just the way that we needed to get on it and do it his way and quit doing it our way. Do you have people in your life that think you were crazy through this process?

I mean. Most of them. Yeah? Yeah, everybody. More the camper process than the debt-free process. So who were your biggest cheerleaders in the debt-free process? Our families. Yeah, our families are supportive for sure.

And we actually stay in the winter with my family in their homes too. So that's super helpful and supportive, again, through this process. Because, again, I'm crazy enough to live in a camper but not in Iowa in the winter. So we stay with our families in the winter. So now that this has paid off, what's the next step? Are y'all going back to a home? Are y'all going to stay in the camper? What are we doing? So we probably have another year of the camper for sure. We're on 3B right now. So we're stashing away for a house. So next year, this time we'd like to be seriously looking

for a house, putting down roots again back in the Des Moines area. That's nice. Very cool. So talk the listener through, how does it feel to be debt-free? Amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Huge weight lift. Oh, we paid it off during April of like the pandemic had just hit and everything. Just huge relief.

Relief. Yeah. Huge relief. So you're out on a job. You are doing the Lord's work in the middle of the night, or you're in the snow, you're in the heat. What's it like knowing back behind you that your family's safe, your family's okay? You, as the chief economic provider, not as the home provider, but as the economic provider, you don't have that weight hanging over your head.

Yeah, it feels great. It feels amazing. It feels to, I i mean to go into a different job once i'm 37 years old actually be able to provide for my family and my my kids saying hey we're out of debt we're gonna stay out of debt seeing them say that and just knowing that they're gonna say that the rest of their lives is amazing that's awesome so jordan ashley you got two beautiful little ones here. Let's meet them. They have their own cash envelopes, too.

They're all about it. I think we have pictures of them. She bought a ukulele with her own cash, and he bought a guitar with his own cash. So they're on the plan to be in debt-free and work in the envelopes, too. I like my little man's swag, too, bro. You look sharp, bro. Yeah, they look great. My man Chilli got hands in both pockets. This is what debt-free looks like.

So again, and I know y'all said it, but I don't want to blow past this. You guys worked really hard. You're living an unconventional life to keep your family together. You changed jobs at 37 to start a job that every single person needs out there. You put the work to it, and not only that, you paid off your debt, but you also changed the hearts and minds of these two little ones forever. And I want you two to remember this moment when your mommy and daddy did really hard things. They said no to a lot of stuff that everyone around them says yes to

in order to teach you and to give you peace that you don't even understand yet. Right? So congratulations to everybody. We have a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you, Everyday Millionaires. It will be the next chapter in your story. All right. Jordan and Ashley and Will and Jordan, it's time for a debt-free scream. You paid off $65,000 in 13 months. Making a good chunk of money.

Let's do this. Ready? Three, two, one. We're dead free! Woo! Yeah! Yeah! I love it!

Man, you know what? Dr. D, one thing we've all learned this year is that people need people. We are hardwired for the community. And if you've been struggling with money, you need cheerleaders in your life who support you and motivate you like this young couple who just paid off all their debt with their cheerleaders in the world. There is no better way to get that encouragement than by joining a virtual Financial Peace University class. You'll learn a proven money plan and go through every lesson with folks just like you. And it's all online, you guys. And it's simple. It's fun. But more importantly, you get to connect with people who need your encouragement just as much as you need

theirs. And so right now, Financial Peace University is part of Ramsey Plus, which means you get our number one money course plus the premium futures of our budgeting app, EveryDollar, and our new Baby Step Tracker app. And today you can start the free trial to everything in Ramsey Plus, including the class. To join us and to do your debt-free scream,

eventually one day start the journey now by texting the word join to three, three, seven, eight, nine texts joined three, three, seven, eight, nine. And eventually we will see you on the debt free stage because you took financial peace university like this sharp young couple right here. I'm going to smile for the rest of the this sharp young couple right here. I'm going to smile for the rest of the day from this snapshot right there. That's the picture of freedom. I love it.

This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. Blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee means even if you mis-measure or pick the wrong color, every time I feel like they're talking to me, they'll remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. All right, today's question from blinds.com comes from Christopher in Georgia. He visits daveramsey.com to ask, I've gone through FPU, Financial Peace University, and I'm on baby step one, but college is making it hard to save. I haven't gotten enough scholarships to go without loans so far, but I'm also working. I'm not getting many hours because of my classes, and I'm spending only what I need to. However, at the end of each pay period, I'm down to almost where I was before.

Do you have any tips on how to save money in college? Well, here's the thing. Here's the number one thing, budgeting. And then two, I would honestly step back. If you ever think your first year of college, sounds like you may be at the wrong college. Because the number one thing when it comes to going to school is your school choice. And if your school choice costs you too much money, if you're barely making it, this means you're at a school that you can't afford. So I would step back and one assess, okay, am I at the right school? That's within my budget.

Number two is, am I budgeting? Because right now that's important. So while you're in college, what I recommend, especially 18 to 22 years old, they have $500 in their savings account. That's it. We don't need them to have a thousand dollars. Okay. $500 in your savings account for college students, 18 to 22. Okay. Then after that, we're working where we're working at least 20 to 30 hours a week. Uh, we're trying to get onto the college campus. And as a matter of fact, this is what I recommend you doing. Get my book, Debt-Free Degree, because inside the book, I teach you how to really go in there and negotiate with the financial aid office,

how to really take advantage of some of the opportunities. Prime example, you can run their social media, and they'll give you 50% off of the tuition just for running their social media. And you know you were in school, so you know how there's a lot of different opportunities to get your tuition lowered. But the very first thing is we got to step back paying tuition, studying, and also trying to build savings? Or is it okay for them to focus on those first few things and to start saving money when they get that first job out of college? Well, everyone needs to cover the four walls. And the four walls, you know this already, Dr. D, is it's going to be your housing, it's going to be your utilities, it's going to be your food, and it's going to be your transportation.

Everyone at any stage of life has to cover that because that protects you as a human being. Outside of that, yes, every college student needs to have $500 in the savings. You don't need more than that in the savings. Okay? So college students always ask me, well, I need to have three months. No, you don't. You need to have $500.

Okay? $500 can get you home. $500 can fix a tire. $500 can get you towed. $500 can replace your cell phone. Outside of that, your main focus when you're in school is graduating college debt-free. But even if you work hard, if you're at a school that you cannot afford, you're in the wrong school. That's right.

That's right. All right, let's go to Rachel in Spokane, Washington. Rachel, how are we doing? Hi, I'm good. How are you? So good. How can we help you this evening? So my question is kind of related to marriage. My boyfriend and I are putting together plans and we're we've got uh plans to save up for a wedding but my parents want to help us pay for it and so my question is how do we without hurting their feelings say no we already have a plan we're already going down the avenue that's best for us but we still care about you we still want you to be involved. What about their money do you not want? So I'm about to ask. We don't want them to overextend themselves because they're not rich people,

but it's easy for them to feel like, oh, man, this is our daughter's wedding. We want her to have like a dream wedding or something, when that's really not my priority as much as it's to get married. Is there a possibility where y'all come up with the wedding of your choice and then you let them participate with a designated amount? And here's why. If you're going to tell me that taking their money comes with strings, that they're going

to try to hold that over your head, they're going to want to speak into the food and the drinks and the dancing. And this is going to come back in 10 years and haunt you. I totally get that. If you're worried about your parents' financial situation and their grownup decisions that they're going to make, here's where I want to challenge you. Don't take that from them. Yeah. Don't steal that moment from them. Um, there, that would be a moment of shame for them, a moment of embarrassment for them. What I'd rather see you do is instead of saying, Hey, can y'all help us with the wedding? Say our wedding is going to be small. We want it to look like this. If y'all are able to help, we'd like you to help in this dollar amount. So put me in their shoes, Rachel.

You come up and say that. What's my response going to be? Your response is going to be, we'd like you to have the wedding at X location because it's close to our house. And what I would say is... That's kind of hard. Okay. But that's probably what it would look like. And so what I want you to do is to wrestle with this one hard thing. If you are not ready to put up boundaries for your new marriage relationship, you may not be ready to get married. If you're not ready to say, here's where we're going to get married, we want you to be a part of this with us,

then I would suggest you may not be ready to be married. I think you're ready to have that conversation. I think you know it's going to be one of the first times you're going to have a hard conversation with your folks. Anthony, you don't like that. Tell me why. No, I'm not saying I don't like that. Because I see where you're coming from. I do want to challenge you.

Challenge it. Because if I go to my son and say, hey, son, I think going to this location to get married is a great place and your mom and I are willing to pay for it, I think it may just be a wise move to consider it. Not to do it, but to go back and talk to your significant other and say, listen, what's more important, getting out of this debt free and stacking money and going into our marriage, you know, as far as in with good money and had to pay for nothing or going to our own venue, spending money out of our own pocket. I mean, because to me, a wedding is about the vows and about just the the atmosphere

and i think we got to start teaching younger people and everyone who's getting married now what's the best way to do this cost effectively as as not as cheap but as as less expensive to us so i'm not saying tell mom and dad no what i What I am saying is, okay, thank you, mom and dad. Let me and my spouse go back and talk, future spouse, go back and talk about this, and we'll come back to you. And what I 100% agree with you. Okay, cool. If mom and dad are going to put money on the table, have that. Have the conversation.

Explore that option. Yes. If you come to terms with we want a small wedding in another city where we want to have it, we want to have it how we want to have it even to the point that we don't even want to take their money and ask them what can we do don't say we don't want your help that's right give them where you want them to help how you want them to help and at the end of the day here's the thing it's going to be a hard conversation rachel it sounds like that conversation is a burr in your heart you don't want to hurt their feelings but you also don't want to do it the way they want you to do it. And again, that's what being married is about. And I think sometimes, man, people are just scared

of accepting blessings. They are. And it's like, for me, I've learned when somebody wants to bless me, it's not that they're trying to help me. It's just that they're trying to be a blessing. So one day they can be blessed. And so what I've had to learn is accept the blessing because it's not just about me, but it's also about the other individual who just wants to be generous, who just wants to sow into my life. And you never know, you know, with my Christian faith, I believe that God blesses the giver. And so sometimes you got to take that not just for yourself, but for the other. And that's where I don't want to take that from their parents. But the second piece to that, Anthony, is number one, we do not receive blessings well. But number two, we don't put up boundaries well.

We don't have hard conversations. Come on, brother. Come on, brother. And so, Rachel, if you're ready to be married, you're ready to have hard conversations, you're ready to stick to your guns, you're ready to face your parents like adults and deal with the consequences. All right. This has been the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you, Anthony.

Thank you, John. We will see you soon. Stay tuned. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.