The Ramsey Show - App - Family Drama: My Sister Wasn't In Dad's Will (Hour 2)

Episode Date: November 3, 2021

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Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, host of the Dr. John Deloney podcast, which is unbelievably popular these days. I guess it actually is believable, but it's not unbelievable.

I don't believe it. I've got like 11 friends and my mom. Well, that started your base. And it has exceeded that. And they have all told six people each, and so we've got to 11 friends and my mom. Well, that started your base. And it has exceeded that. And they have all told six people each, and so we got it going. My mom hits refresh a lot, and I thought that was just it. No, it's actually a thing. It's more than that.

You've become a thing, dude. It's happened right here at Ramsey. We watched it happen. A weird thing. So check it out if you want to hear about life and mental health and boundaries and relationships. It's all Dr. John Deloney Show, and you will leave a lot of things, but bored will not be one of them. And so check it out.

We'd love to have you there. And his best-selling book, Redefining Anxiety, as well. So we're here to help you with your life, your money, your mental health questions, your relationship questions, your life, your money. All of that is woven in there together. Kim is with us to start off this particular hour in Roanoke, West Virginia. Hi, Kim. How are you?

That'd be Virginia. Hey, Kim, how are you? Virginia, I'm good. Thank you so much for taking my call. I need some education and some advice. Okay. I am 51 years old. My husband's 57.

We're debt-free except for the house. We finally got our emergency fund fully funded, which means we were able to start our Roth this week, which brought us up to 15%. We owe $170,000 on the house. And my question, and because I don't know a lot about whole life policies, we have two. One is worth $26,000 cash value and one's $14,000. And I want to know if we should take those and put them against the principle of that $170,000 and how that works. Okay. Well, life insurance is a crummy place

to invest money. It is not for an investment. It's for replacing one of your incomes if one of you dies to help the other one get along. We have term. You have enough term insurance in place? My husband's dad is a State Farm agent. He got him his whole life policies a long, long, long, long time ago.

We have term insurance, $600,000 on him, $300,000 on me. From State Farm? No, that's a different company through our financial advisor. Oh, okay. Good. Well, okay. Good. Well, your husband's dad is still living? Yes, he is. Okay.

He may not understand, but I would cancel those. Okay. He likely won't understand, but that's not relevant to the conversation. This stuff, it's crap. It's absolute crap. And so you're better off to have your money going into things that are going up in value and that have a good rate of return and um you know and get the you know get the cash value out while you can because if you die whatever

cash value is in there stays with the insurance company state farm keeps it they only pay the face amount of a policy that That's how whole life works. That's one of the reasons it's such a ripoff. So you do want to go ahead and get rid of that. You may have some relationship issues in the midst of doing that, but you need to get rid of it. So, folks, here's the way this works. Whole life life insurance is roughly 20 times more expensive

for the same amount of insurance nationally. That's the averages. So what you can buy for $5 a month in term costs you $100 a month in whole life. But, Dave, it's such a great investment. And the other $95 that is not going to insurance then goes into an investment. All right. And so let's learn the rules of the investment. The first thing that happens is the first three years of a whole life policy,

your cash value is zero. So you invested $95 a month in our example for three years, and you have nothing. That's called a front-loaded financial product. If you're being kind, it's called getting screwed if you're not. Then once you do get money in there and it starts building up, the average whole life policy in this nation today pays 1.2% interest. And this is a long-term retirement plan investment,

which, by the way, the Consumer Price Index was 4.2 for the last 74 years, meaning inflation. So if you're not making at least 4% on your money, you're not keeping up with inflation. So you're losing money when you save money long term at one percent that's after you lost all your money for the first three years but after all of that if you do it for years and years and years and years and you finally have twenty thousand dollars in this forty or fifty thousand dollar whole life policy is a cash value build-up that you paid an extra $95 a month for all these years and

then you die. Your $50,000 policy with a $20,000 savings in it that you've paid 20 times extra per month to get pays $50,000. What happened to your 20? Oh, they keep it. We gifted it to the insurance company. Yeah, because we're just those kind of people. We wanted a bigger, shinier building in our downtown.

We needed another tower. You know, Dave, when you first told me this several months ago, I even got over the dismal return. What I didn't get over, it's just driven me crazy and I'm driving home by myself. They keep your money. Is that they go invest it at 12%, and they keep the 11% gap? Oh, yeah, because most of your shopping malls and so forth are financed.

The mortgage company on major commercial projects is life insurance companies. They loan money back out into real estate as a mortgage company and make, you know, 8, 10, 12 on it, wherever in there. But aside from that, so you have a banking system where you bought term insurance for $5, you put $95 into a savings program that for the first three years they keep your money. After that, they pay you 1.2%, and when you die, they keep your savings account. Now, what kind of idiot would have a savings account like that? None.

But, of course, it's never explained to you that way by those people because they sell this crap. So there's only two people that sell whole life life insurance, ignorant people that don't understand it, who are actually good, kind, sweet people. They're just ignorant. Because that's exactly how it works. Or crooks. Because if you understood that and you sell it anyway, you're a crook by definition. And so that means that sweet little lady, sweet little father-in-law i just called him a crook but oh well or or ignorant he's more than likely just ignorant though

most of those guys i know in that world they're just make sure they see that money they'll make sure they mainly sell they mainly sell homeowners and car insurance and so then that you know their company has whole life and they get them tied up into this and they make good money because you get paid in the insurance world you get paid on premium and so if the premium is 20 times more your commission is 20 times more so of course they're going to go oh i think that's really good stuff you know but no one in the entire financial community not a single person anywhere in the financial world today recommends cash value life insurance except people that sell it none of the rest of us none of us that have you know that are independent

people in the investment world you know they tell you get you do need life insurance but you need to get term insurance people anywhere else any kind of study you do any kind of formal academic study you do anything unless it's from the whole life world unless it's from from the people who sell it, they don't tell you to buy it. Because it's absolutely the payday lender of the middle class. Is there any data that shows that people buy that more than term? Oh, yeah. They buy a lot more than term. I feel like everyone I know has whole life policies.

And the reason you know why they buy it more than term? Because it's sold more than term. It's pushed more than term. Yeah. I mean, until 15, 20 years ago, term insurance, nobody talked about it hardly. This was like, this was the,

you know, but if you go into every major city in America, in the skyline is banks and life insurance companies. I wonder how that happened. Santa Claus didn't build those buildings.

You did, people. This is The important than ever. While some circumstances can't be controlled, there are items within your budget you can take charge of, such as your health care costs. For nearly 40 years, Christian Health Care Ministries, or CHM, has provided a budget-friendly means of sharing for medical bills when our members need it. Learn more by visiting chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget.

Christian Health Care Ministries is a Ramsey-trusted provider. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Alex is in Cleveland. Hi, Alex. How are you? I'm good, guys. Good to talk to you.

You too. What's up? So I am 22 years old. I just graduated from Michigan State with a mechanical engineering degree. I am a contract engineer right now. So I, I, I travel a lot. Um, my question for you guys is, uh, I've got a girlfriend back at home and she's still in school, but, uh, um, I'm, I'm trying to save up for a house for us and a marriage. Um, and I'm wondering how to balance my relationship with her while also always traveling and always trying to save up for the next goal.

And I feel like I'm at some points doing one more than I'm focusing on the other one. And so I guess how do I put my life into balance where I'm enjoying my time with her and seeing her, and should I move home? Where's home? Find a closer job. My home is technically out of Grand Rapids, Michigan. And you're in Cleveland, Ohio, and you travel? What kind of range do you travel? So I'm on my way to York.

Stopped at a service station to talk to you guys uh but uh i i i traveled to pennsylvania i've traveled to kansas city um so three or four hundred mile radius all over three or four hundred mile radius yeah all right and you make what i make 160 000 a year and how long have you been out of school doing this? Since January. Okay. Wow. That's not bad.

So, man, you're 22 years old, and what I would tell most 22-year-olds who are not married or untethered is to hit the gas on their career. This is a time you can stack up and do really great and there's so much technology that you can stay connected to each other right now that even i didn't have when i was young and trying to figure this thing out the question is whether is this going to be seasonal for you is this going to be the rest of your life and that's the hard question you have to ask and then the other question is it sounds like you took this job and you were making unbelievable money for a 22 year old and you're starting to not like it am i am i hearing that right yeah i i i love the money um but i i i sometimes i want to be close to being on the road sucks. That's right.

Yeah. Here's what I don't want you to do. I don't want you to use your girlfriend or your relationship to your girlfriend as the reason to cash out on this job. If you realize I'm on the road all the time and it's not good for me, it's not the life I want to live, then I want you to own that decision because you're going to run into money challenges down the road. You're going to run into relationship issues down the road, and then you're going to start resenting her for something that really isn't her fault. You don't like the job.

You don't like the job, right? And it's a million billion dollars for a 22-year-old. But, yeah, if the road sucks and it's killing you, the road sucks and it's killing you. You've got to do something else. Sure, sure. So how old is she? Is she in school? Yeah, she's studying to be an elementary teacher.

When graduate when? Yeah, she's got a year left, and then she has to do an unpaid year through internships at a job site. Okay, does this job you're in, you said said it's contractor does it have an end you're you cut out you cut out try again it's contract do you have an end on your job um no they keep extending the contract which is fine by me um how long does the contracts run contract usually How long does a contract run? Contract usually about as good as your cell phone service. Okay. All right.

So what I would say is for $160,000 a year, if you want to see her, you can buy a lot of airline tickets. And, you know, you can fly over there and see her on weekends or whatever and you work this out you're making plenty of money spend some money on travel spend some money on connectivity and then just set a date certain because you're not going to do this for 10 years right and set a date certain are you going to do this until she graduates and gets through her one year or just until she graduates when are we getting married and you start setting in your mind anyway and you start going okay i can endure this for two years and pile up a huge pile of cash or i can do endure this until christmas or

i can endure this until whatever i think the uns i think the idea that it projects indefinitely into the future is part of what's driving you nuts but um and the road is hard right the road is hard it is not travel is only glamorous for people that don't do it and it's just not it's just you know it's just hotels oh god and uh yeah and if he's flying it's even worse because you got to deal with the dadgum airport people so i like the idea of coming up with a dollar amount here's what i'd like to have yeah that's not bad and here i also like this idea a date certain or a dollar certain and then i'm out and i'm going to use this as an opportunity to learn from all these different bosses and all these different cities use this as graduate school man and if you approach it with that heart and spirit i'm going to work my butt off i'm going to make this kind of money and i'm going to learn

what i like about this guy what i like then you can set yourself up to what you want to do but if you just look at it as misery or if you blame her slash no you can't encourage her uh then man you're just setting yourself up i had to quit this because of balance with my girlfriend oh bullcrap you quit it because you hated your job you don't like the job i own that man that's what he's saying but don't blame your girlfriend so yeah but yeah. But I think you've got a two-year window, something like that. And I like to see 22, 23-year-olds grinding. I really do. Yeah, it's awesome.

And making that kind of bank for a short period of time. And, again, so get a date or a dollar certain. Figure out what you're going to do when you leave this job and uh thirdly allocate some money for travel for uh to see her or her to see you and uh buy some airline tickets or whatever it is and um you can land this plane no pun intended with a hundred thousand dollars in cash in a bank or more 125 000 right when she finishes up her internship and then y'all can pretty much do what you want to do more because they're probably covering the road cost too greg's in raleigh north

carolina hey greg welcome to the ramsey show hey how are you sir better than i deserve how can i help um i've got a question for you uh my mother is 93 years old. Uh, just had to put her into assisted living a few months ago. She had a little bit of dementia and we tried the home care option and it got to the point where she was needing 24 hour care. Yeah. Um, she's in a good place. My father was, you know, he's passed, but he was very smart with money. He did the long term care insurance and it's helped a lot.

Wow. Um, my question is, aside from, you know, visiting her and trying to make the best quality of life for her, what to do with her home? She's bought a paid, she got a paid for home about three miles away from me. It's probably worth around 300. In a way, I wanted to sit back and just, you know, process this. She's only been assisted living for maybe two months. On the other hand, I've got people around me saying, if you're going to do it, sell it now.

Don't wait. And I want to do what honors her. How cognizant is she of this decision? How much is she able to process it with you? Not. I would say would say no it's not okay so this is just your decision it's not gonna it's not gonna bother her because she's not gonna understand no no okay so what do you want to do i don't know i want to do i want to honor her and that's my biggest problem i don't want to be a landlord i know that i don't know that keeping the house is a method of honoring her or selling the house is a method of honoring her.

Yeah, you've backed yourself into a corner that's not real. That's not a real. Honor has nothing to do with this house. Unless you were hurting her by selling it, okay, or keeping it. And you're not. So not emotionally, not financially, not anything. And so I don't want to be a landlord. And you're not. So not emotionally, not financially, not anything. And so I don't want to be a landlord.

I think it's just letting go of the past to sell it emotionally, and that's very hard. But I would sell it. I would, too. All right, and now is the time to do that, am I right? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. For sure. Get it dolled up. Go to DaveRamsey.com or RamseySolutions.com and click on ELP for endorsed local provider for a real estate agent in the area.

They'll help you max it out. This is not a time to play amateur hour. You need a pro in your corner, and they'll help you from this. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Dead Free Stage. Sarah and Adam are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Good. Welcome, welcome. Where do you guys live? Chattanooga. Oh, just down the road. Not a bad run to Nashville. Well, good to have you. Up here to do a debt-free scream, how much have you paid off?

We paid off $70,000 in 17 months. Good for you. And what was your range of income during those 17 months? We started at $120,000 and ended at $130,000. Good for you guys. What do you all do for a living? I'm an assistant project manager at a general contractor, and she's in the audit CPA at a firm. Oh, very cool.

Good, good. So what kind of debt was this $70,000? All student loans, all mine. All student loans, all mine. He owned it. He owned it all the way. She gave him a quick glance with their eyes when you asked that question. There was a little bit of an elbow went across there, but not much.

It's good. All right, good. Very good. So how long have you guys been married? Two years last week, actually. Okay. So first order of business, we get married. You marry the girl in the audit department.

She says we're getting out of debt, I'm guessing. Pretty much. Yeah, we had to cash flow a car for him, and then we had to cash flow my last semester of grad school, but then we got on it. Okay. So lean in and knock it out. Yes. And you did it fast. That's pretty impressive.

I mean, y'all were dialed in, didn't you? We did. Okay. So tell me the story. How'd all this happen? I was guessing, but I wasn't far off, huh? So basically, she had gone on, I think it's pinterest and found a debt chain yeah and uh we tracked it thousand dollar increments and that was a good visual aspect of it and we just

basically kept living since we had just graduated college we kept living like we were in college and just every extra dime we put towards the debt very cool good good and how did y'all connect to us um so i actually had a friend that got your Total Money Makeover book for high school graduation, and she didn't read it, I don't think, but she let me take it to the beach on vacation. There you go. And so I read it, and I lived on a budget in college and paid cash for mine. Oh. What?

Anyway, so I was following the plan, and then we were dating, and then I figured out how much student loan debt he had. So we knew we were going to tackle it when we got married. So just kind of a condition of marriage. So how long had you been dating before you disclosed this, Adam? Then we broke up. Then we got back together. It was only a couple months before she knew about it.

Okay. All right. And so what was couple months before she knew about it. Okay. All right. And so what was it like when she told you, we're doing this, but we're doing it the analyst way? I was kind of scared to ask her to help me almost. I offered. I was like, we can wait until I have it paid off. But that would have been several years down the road. She was like, no, we're going to do it as a team, do it together.

I didn't want to wait that long. Y'all are fun. This is great. Because it's good to have these discussions with you because you're the other side of it and have won now. But there's couples out there listening that are dating and, like, he doesn't want to tell her he's got $70,000 in debt because he figures he's dead right there. Or they're married and she feels like they're drowning and he's like looking at another truck to trade up in and she doesn't know how to have this conversation so i'm how did you do it like put take all the audience back to that moment when you looked

across whatever table and you said this is what we're gonna do i got seventy thousand dollars in debt i don't know i just i it It was always... We weren't going to get married if he wasn't willing to do it, honestly. We would have waited. If he wasn't on the same page, that could have possibly been a deal breaker. Yeah, Financial Peace University was actually

one of the things that we did in pre-mantle counseling. Oh, you did? Okay. That was really the big step, and whenever we decided we were going to lock down and really do it. Brother, you married? Okay. So that was really the big step. And whenever we decided we were going to lock down and really do it. Brother, you married so well. Man. Wow. This is so good, you guys.

What a great way to do pre-marriage counseling, too. I'm sure you learned a lot, both of you. Oh, yeah. And about working together and pushing the whole thing through. Almost as much as being on a beach vacation and looking over and seeing your face on the cover of a borrowed book. The book she's reading. It's like, oh, man, don't you really? You're not supposed to be on vacation here.

But, I mean, like, yeah. Wow, very cool, you guys. So now that you've done it, congratulations. You're incredible. Proud of you. What advice do you have to somebody that's facing that? They're brand new married. They got a pile of debt.

What's the key to getting out of debt? What did you all do that you think made the big difference? Just keep that gazelle intensity. You know, you might have to sacrifice knocking out to eat with your friends, just cooking at home, you know, rice, chicken, and hot sauce, you know, cheap meals. That doesn't sound bad. Keep on doing it. Better than beans and rice exactly yeah um i would say a lot of people have asked we did share when we became debt free um on social media and a lot of people message me and they want there to be the secret and there's really no secret it's sacrificing and discipline and then obviously the budget and then

being on the same page with your spouse if you're married it's just you have to be there yeah definitely the communication aspect of it you know once a week two or three times a month just talking about it laying out the land like how are you going to do it for the next few weeks taking those links off that chain yeah one at a time here we go that's so fun very cool so how would you rate your marriage compared to your buddies right now? You have no debt. Y'all have worked together on a long-term project.

Y'all both smiled, so tell me about it. I mean, we have friends that have great marriages, and then obviously there are friends that we can see it's a little rocky, but we think we're up there with the strongest of them. Yeah, I think this has really strengthened our communication, not just about money but everything. I feel like we really communicate really well yeah how old are you guys i'm 25 i'm 24 all right wow man making 130 and no debt in the freaking world they're gonna be so rich oh my goodness it's gonna be amazing i mean we're

talking tens of millions here they don't even they don't understand what the compound interest is gonna do that's awesome you can see it on his face, though. He's slowly figuring it out. He knew he married well when he met her, and he's like, hey, guys, she's going to actually go out with me. And then when he told his buddies that she was going to marry him, and now he's realizing,

oh, we're going to have lots of commas and zeros, too. Man, well played, dude. Well done. So, who are your biggest cheerleaders uh family and friends uh my in-laws are here today all right they're here and we have pretty much all of our friends were supportive we have some that like to make fun of us but well that's good mostly they're supportive if your broke friends are making fun of your financial plan you're right

on track i've said that to you before. That's it. That's it. That's a classic right there. Well, that's cool. Mom and Dad came up to support you. That means they were supporting you and cheering you on all the way through, and they're proud of you. We're proud of you.

Congratulations. Thank you. Very, very well done. We've got a copy of The Legacy Journey, which is the next step for you guys as you move into completely changing your future family tree. That'll make Mom and dad real happy and uh and i'm going to give you an extra copy of total money makeover since you borrowed one at the beach okay and uh i want you to pay it forward figure out somebody to uh loan it to on their beach vacation or give it to okay and uh let's see if we can change another life or

two so well done you guys very well done sar Sarah and Adam from Chattanooga, $70,000 paid off in 17 months. Been married 24. Did it $120,000 to $130,000 worth of income. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free. Yeah.

Woo. Woo, woo, woo, woo. We're debt free I love it There's a handbook there for a bunch of singles That are thinking about who to marry There was a whole bunch in that call Oh man They're going to have a whole new marriage now Where they can go out to dinner together Go to a movie

Chicken rice and hot sauce I know they're going to get an entree now It's going to be incredible Maybe a dessert go out to dinner together. They can go to a movie. Chicken rice and hot sauce. Yeah. I know they're going to get an entree now. It's going to be incredible. Maybe a dessert. And I don't know what was more amazing, their journey or the fact that you're on Pinterest. I didn't know that. Well, I probably have somebody that works here.

No, I'm going with you. I think Dave Ramsey's on Pinterest. Yeah, I spend a lot of time every night. My mind is blown in ten different ways. I actually printed off, personally, those little chains. It was a little-known secret of my other side there, John. You're so full of crap. I love it.

You know I'm not on it. I can't even spell Pinterest. Yes, you can. You're on it. You're on it. Sarah and Adam. It's a secret, Dave. Incredible.

It's a secret, Dave. Yeah, the secret Dave is out. But hey, I do. I want to go back. Sarah said, this meant something to me. This wedding wasn't going to happen. If he wasn't going to be a person. Well, and he said, I'll pay it all off before we get married.

They both were like, they were addressing the issue. People don't address the issues when it messes up their marriage. And then they did it together. They accelerated it. Boom. Touchdown. What a cool couple. They're heroes, man. You guys are heroes. Well done. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today.

This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jessica is in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Hi, Jessica. How are you? I'm doing great, Dave. Thank you for taking my call.

It's an honor to speak to you. You too. How are you? I'm doing great, Dave. Thank you for taking my call. It's an honor to speak to you. You too. What's up? So I have a question about some inheritance that I received when my dad passed away. My sister was purposefully written out of the will. And I have always wanted to, I think it's the right thing to share something with her, but I don't agree with the way she's financially lived her life and the decisions she's made. So I do not want to give her cash. The decision I made was to have some money set aside for wedding whenever she gets married and to make a one-time principal payment on her student loan that she's been carrying.

And she now thinks it's a waste for me to make that payment and she thinks you'll agree with her which i know you won't um why was she why was she cut out of the will um the relationship between her and my dad fell apart years ago and i believe my dad's stubbornness led it to not getting repaired okay so That's so sad. Yes, I know it is. How long has he been gone? Five years. How old are you and how old is she?

I'm 46 and she's 43. And obviously you guys have a pretty good relationship. Yes, we do. How much money are you talking about? I want to make a $20,000 payment towards her student loan. And out of how much money did you receive? Let me see. I think about $150,000 total.

Okay. All right. There's a part of you that feels somewhat maternal towards her, that you don't trust her to make good decisions. Maybe a little bit in some ways. And so you're going to give her a gift because it's the right thing to do, but you're going to direct how it... It feels like a weird relational dynamic between sisters.

Well, she's irresponsible with money. Right. Is there a discomfort there between the two of you? You said she was going to say that was a waste of a gift. Well, yes, because the direction she's going is she's not doing anything to pay it off with any urgency. She's just riding it out until it gets to 25 years, thinking the balance will be forgiven because of an income-based repayment plan, and what I'm offering to give her and what she would pay over the next 13 years until that happens would not total the total balance of the loan.

Okay. Well, there's a lot of things going on here. First, let's just talk about the Public Service Student Loan Forgiveness Program. As of today, the last night... I'm sorry? She's not even Public Service Loan Forgiveness. Why does she feel... Oh, she just feels like in general it's going to be forgiven.

Yes, she found something online that says the income-based repayment plan, when the loan is at 25 years, the balance will be forgiven. It hasn't been so far. 227,000 people have applied for student loan forgiveness under these programs. 3,700 out of 200,000 have gotten it. That's less than 1%. And so she believes a lie about getting out of the student loan debt. So that's one piece of information. So in that sense, you know, we've got other problems with her student loan other than whether you give her money or whether she pays it

off because that student loan's not going away unless the biden administration and the democratic congress decides to forgive student loan debt which is possible uh for the first time in our history um and uh uh you know there's obviously a lot of rhetoric in the last four or five months since the inauguration about that. So and there's no way to predict what they will actually do or if they will do anything other than just talk about it. You know, their Congress. So normally. normally in a situation like this, I want to give because it's something that I think is the right thing to do. And it always is hard when you come up against this moment when you think, by giving the right thing to do, I'm going to enable somebody to hurt themselves further. Is that where you're at, Jessica, or you just don't like how she's spending it? Yes, I don't want to enable her bad behavior

because she's obviously not going to put it towards the loan. It will most likely get at least somewhat wasted and spent. And I really want to help her. Yeah. If we could take the student loan out of the thing, it would change the equation for me. I mean, does she have a car loan or something you can just pay off? No, she doesn't. This is her only debt.

This is her only debt. Is this her only debt? As far as I know, yes. Okay. And the interesting thing is, is you all have talked about it to where the language has changed to where now she feels entitled to it. Like entitled to tell you what to do with the money you're giving her. That was an interesting part of the thing, too. Yeah.

So, wow, I don't know what to tell you. I think I, you know, here's an idea. When in doubt, don't. And just say, you know what, I want to do something to honor you out of this inheritance because I think you got a raw deal, but I also don't want to participate in a delusional situation and your student loan's not, I don't think your student loan's going away. And so, how much does she owe? I think $92,000. And what does she make?

She makes now about $60,000. Okay. You know, I might offer to match her for every $5,000 she puts on it. You'll put $5,000 on it. Oh, I like that idea. But, you know, and it's just you and her talking, and you're just saying, you know, you're an adult. You have the right to do what you want to do, sister.

But I also have that, and I cannot give you money for it. I agree with you that giving you money for this is going to end up being wasted because you're not going to get it paid off, and then it's going to be a bigger problem because you think it's going to go away. I don't think it's going to go away, so I really don't want to put the 20 on that. And so I don't know how to give you money because I think what you're doing with this is irresponsible. And so I love you, and I want you to win. And so what we're going to do right now is nothing.

I'm just going to sit back and watch a little bit. And if you decide you want to get after the student loan, and I'll put some money towards it with you, and I'll help you. But until you do, right now I'm just going to watch, because I want to do something, but I don't know how to do it right now. And so what I'm going to do is wait. Okay. something but i don't know how to do it right now and so what i'm gonna do is wait okay and in the meantime should i do something different with it other than it just sitting in my face with a can of bank yeah well you can do whatever you want i mean it's not you can put in a mutual fund if you

want then you can pull it out and give it to her but um later on but it's just the the biggest thing here is it's just all tied back to this heartbreaking relationship between her and your dad. Yeah, that's the part I don't like about it, Dave, is because dad did what he did, now she's holding this, and she's got to make one of two choices. Either I'm going to become dad, and I'm going to use my relational position and my money to keep you to and i share it with you because of your decisions your choices so i'm replaying what just happened oh that's true or i'm going to give you money knowing that i'm just throwing this is a no win i'm throwing in the wind that's right and so my impulse um there's always wisdom and they just just it's just do nothing that's all i said yeah and then my thought is you know

what i'm just gonna i'm gonna free myself from this and so i it's the same impulse just the other side which if you feel in your heart the right thing the dad did a raw deal and the right thing is to give money the right thing to do is to give money and forget it don't worry yeah and that's what i wanted that's not on you well it drills down to if someone's doing drugs, someone's hurting themselves versus they're going to go buy a dumb car, right? Mm-hmm. But, man, especially when you're holding that money and you could really help them with their student loan, it's hard. It's just a messy situation. This is a 41-year-old.

Yeah. So it might be down to what you're saying. I'd give $25,000. I don't disagree with your change in direction on that. I'd just give them the money or I wouldn't. And I'd just call it. Call it. Yeah.

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