The Ramsey Show - App - Finance Is a Reflection of What You Value (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

Rachel Cruze & Dr. John Delony discuss: Achieving financial peace after a divorce. Why you should share a bank account with your spouse. What you need to do to get out of debt. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Ramsey personality, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney. It's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. We're talking about your relationships, your money, your career, your life, anything and everything. So give us a call. Next is Rebecca out of Portland.

Hey, Rebecca, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? I'm about to be engaged and I need advice if I should stay with my boyfriend. You have called the right place. It's a lot of pressure. We got you, Rebecca. So, oh my gosh, give us the story, Rebecca. What is happening? So you're about to be engaged. You know this. Rachel has never missed an episode. I know this because it was during last week.

Rachel has never missed an episode of The Bachelor. We have got you. Okay, go for it. Go for it. So we've been dating for a year and a half. My boyfriend is a recovering addict. He's four years sober. A month ago, he lapsed back into youth.

Fast forward to last night, and I found out that he still has $10,000 in medical debt that I thought he had paid off. Anytime we've talked about those two situations, he's ended the conversation by saying, I knew I shouldn't have told you about it. I love this man fiercely, but I'm really scared right now and I need some advice. Yeah. So a couple of things. Let me like, so he struggles with addiction.

Okay. That for me, isn't a reason to say I'm out. Right. And for your sobriety and having a rough day or, you know, taking some steps back, that's something that if you choose to engage in a marriage, you know what you're getting into and you've probably got addictive tendencies of your own and we're going to work through this together. The part that has given me some significant pause that I think is the killer of relationships is secrets. This idea that I'm going to have an alternative life underneath my marriage and I'm going to have things that I keep in my drawers that she doesn't know about or he doesn't know about and secrets there's a biology to secrets secrets kill you and they kill relationships and so there's a deception and dishonesty here I'm hiding stuff

from you right that's the part that man I think your instincts not saying you need to call this thing off but um i think there needs to be a um truth telling time like no more secrets no more i don't like that impulse i knew i shouldn't have told you yeah because rebecca though and why anybody says that is it because you if you can like be self aware enough to know are you defensive about like, like, are you coming at him? Do you fly off the handle, get mad at him? Yeah. Is it like that? Or is it you're just asking questions and trying to care for him and he still has that reaction? Like, what are those conversations like? I'm a pragmatist. So when we have those kinds of conversations, I listen and then I try to find a solution. So that conversation last night ended because he said, you know, this debt is old.

It's not affecting my credit score anymore. I don't have to deal with it. The collectors aren't calling me anymore. And I said, it's still debt. You need to pay it off. You said when you were talking to us that you thought it was gone did you think it was gone because the story you told yourself or did he lie to you? That's a great question I remember correctly I'm pretty sure he told me he paid it off, or at least that's how it came across that he wasn't in debt anymore.

So the language you're using right now suggests y'all might be in a pretty common relational pattern as people often marry or get into a relationship with people who struggle with addiction because they are fixers, or in your words, you're pragmatists. And I want you to be very careful about seeing him as somebody to fix instead of somebody to be with. And often he may come to you with, I need you just to listen to me. I want you to hear me. I'm struggling. I'm hurting.

And he's not asking for what do I do next? He's probably a really smart guy that's had to be pretty self-reflective to have gone through four years of sobriety. He really needs his fiance, his girlfriend, his wife, his partner, his best friend to sit with him and just say, this sucks. Can I hold your hand? Does that make sense? All this is saying, y'all need to have a couple of hard, no more secrets, truth-telling

conversations. And he may have more secrets like, here's what I need. I need you to not try to fix me. And you may have secrets like, I need you to not try to fix me. And you may have secrets like, I need you to never lie to me, never withhold from me, or this relationship's not going to work. You're going to run into a brick wall at some point, right?

What's the probability of him relapsing? I mean, I think that would be, anybody's going to give you that kind of, I don't know him, I don't know what he's struggling with. There's no way to say that, right? And I think your pragmatist wants a percentage, right? Like, is it a 42% or a 17.7%?

But also for her sake though, walking into a lifelong committed relationship with someone, what is that? How do you walk down that path knowing I'm going to choose someone? Which everyone's broken, right? Like, I mean, it obviously comes out in different ways. But cocaine is different than heroin.

It's different than alcohol. It's different than pornography. It's different from smoking, right? And trauma is different than people who work 140 hours a week. So it's going into a relationship with knowing this, though, for her sake. What are the questions you would be asking? What are the things that you dig into for her to her? Because what I'm hearing from you, Rebecca, because I'm not a trained therapist.

This is why I have John next to me is I'm like okay if if he's been four years that's amazing and i'm going to celebrate that but he's he's gone down once is he going to go down now every single week for the rest of our marriage like do you know what i mean like you kind of go down that road and what do you do what what is and that's it's an anxiety it's trying to grab control i want to figure out the next thing for the rest of exactly so here's what we're going to do we're going to focus on a set of core agreements that we're going to all be a part of and towards a life that we want to build, right? So when you sit down with a builder and you say, I want to use the top of the top cabinets, I want the top of the top, then they're going to go shop and get them, right? So y'all are going

to create a series of relational boundaries and actions and agree to them. This is who we are. We are always going to tell the truth. Even if you who we are. We are always going to tell the truth. Even if you have a relapse, you're going to tell the truth. You will never hide things from me. And that means when you need something different from the way I'm treating you, you got to tell me because that's a secret. That's a lie if you don't tell me.

And I promised, right? So y'all are going to create a series of behaviors that you will commit to and that you will double down on. And then you will deal with life as it comes right and that that i think we focus so much on the goals and the outcomes if you have one more cigarette i'm out of here why does that person have to smoke maybe we've created a home that's so tense and so toxic and so hard and not dealing with all stuff right so let's create an ecosystem where we can both survive and live right and so let's start there so let's start there. But I think it starts with everybody sitting down in a room and looking at each other and saying, it's time to be honest. Time to turn the lights on. Let's be honest.

So good. Thanks for the call, Rebecca. This is The Ramsey Show. People all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs through Christian Christian Healthcare Ministries. Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, is a nonprofit organization that helps members carry one another's burdens with healthcare expenses. And they have successfully shared each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years. See if CHM is right for you by visiting chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. So one of the fun new things that I feel like we've launched in a long time, John. Well, we launched it. I say we.

I'm adding myself into the project. You're an owner of the company. We launched them, and then they kept selling out, and then selling out, and then selling out. And so then people said, well, can you make new ones? Can you make different ones? And so here we are. Here we are.

Okay. With the questions for humans. Yes. It's the cards. Sorry. It's the conversation cards. So what's fun is that it's like you have a deck for parents and kids. You got-

Friends and workplace. Friends and workplace. And then what's this one? Oh yeah. Yeah. So all these options. So anyways, they picked some out for us,

but they did girls night for me and you too. Well, let me do them then. I'll ask the girls night question. No, I'm asking you. I'm not going girls night. You're going to have to because we're doing it

just a few. Girls night. Me and Rach. Me and Rach. Man, this could get dicey. This could get dicey. People may get offended.

Let's get some cancel on you ready you ready what are three important skills every woman should know oh gosh how could i i know karate coming from a guy karate like how to fight that's a good one um how to uh change a tire. Okay. It's hard. I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. I have no idea.

Okay. Let me just think about my daughter, right? Budget. You would. It's ridiculous. So I'm looking at Josephine. I want her to be strong and brilliant and compassionate. Yes. So strength would be, can she fix stuff?

Can she get out of a situation that's dicey? Can she reach out and make a call? I want her to be compassionate and think about other people. And I want her to be brilliant, right? Yeah. There's a problem solving aspect that I would want, yes, my girls to have. Yeah. Whether you're in whatever the situation's in.

What else is it? And axe throwing that would be a good good skill not really golly i don't know because you could go super domestic oh figures figures figures rachel woman uh yeah i don't know i mean i move on to the next one okay uh celebrity crush growing up and what about now oh jennifer love hewitt well great throwback yeah great throwback yeah freddie prince jr really yeah yeah yeah i'm not gonna lie winston's kind of a dead ringer kind of made that one come true. Oh, he does kind of look like Freddie Prinze Jr. Your husband has got Freddie Prinze Jr. vibes in a major way.

I can see that. Okay, what about now? Oh, gosh. My wife probably is the only thing I can say. Who's my celebrity crush? Who's yours? Yeah. Do you know who I just love so much?

But he's old, so I don't know what that says about me. A lot. Hugh Jackman. Oh but he's old. So I don't know what that says about me. A lot. Hugh Jackman. Oh, he's phenomenal. I mean, the man can sing, can dance, attack people. Yeah. I mean, like, he does everything. My wife went and saw him.

And kind, and kind. People talk about him. Lovely. Yes. My wife went and saw him on Broadway. Broadway, no. She went to the show by herself, and she came back, and she's like, just so you know.

And I was like, yeah, I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine. I know how Darwinism works. I think Hugh Jackman is, yeah. I can see that. But he's so old,

so you know. No, he's not. He's 48. He is not 48, John. Okay, real quick, let's do one more. It's fun, it's fun, it's fun. Oh, this is a great one.

Know how to cook. Would you rather have a, would you rather have a personal trainer Um, it's fun. It's fun. It's fun. Oh, this is a great one. Know how to cook. Would you rather have a, would you rather have a personal trainer, chef or hairstylist? Chef, hands down. Thousand percent chef all day long. All day. Yes. What if you had a personal chef and they just cooked your meals?

Then you wouldn't need that skill as a woman, you know? Oh, here. Because it's all done. No, a chef would be. Chef would, no question about it. It would be incredible. Amazing, okay. So good.

Well, anyways, the cards, y'all, they really are fun. And the girls' night, these are funny. These are funny. Especially when you have a friend like I do who basically wants to bring women back to the 1400s. That's pretty cool. Rachel. Okay, whatever. Call me 1950s. But's pretty cool. Rachel. Okay, whatever. Call me 1950s.

But I love, we have a garden right now. And on Sunday night, I got tomatoes out of the garden. I got basil out of the garden. I mean, I'm like living off the land. Made sauce. Made this pasta with Parmesan cheese.

I mean, this whole thing. And I just felt like a bad A. So there is something in me when I cook and I'm like, and I made Wednesday. I was like, I'm going to make your plate because i want you to like see how beautiful and delicious that's not about cooking that's about i'll show you i did this like it's you just feel great call me 1950s that's not 1950s that's very modern i felt awesome that's a very much of a flex congratulations

yeah you're welcome rachel cruz living off the land you're welcome living everyone. Rachel Cruz, living off the land. You're welcome. Living off the land. I am. Okay, up next, we got Madison out of Tampa. Hey, Madison, welcome to the show. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Dr. John. How are y'all today? We're doing great.

Doing great. How can we help? Well, I am in my first big girl job outside of college, and I just got my first bonus, and I wanted to know what y'all think I should do with it. Nice. Congratulations, Madison. What do you do? I'm an accounts receivable. Okay, that's great. What kind of bonus are we talking?

$1,100. Way to go! Nice. So great. So financially, Madison, where are you at? Do you have debt? Do you have any savings? Kind of what's your financial picture? I have no debt. I was able to get scholarships to cover all of my schooling.

Nice. Yeah. And then I have a $10,000 emergency fund and then about $4,000 that I'm putting towards a future car. Good for you. And does that $10,000, that'll probably cover you in that three to six months of expenses, that fully funded emergency fund? Yeah, about six months. Okay. Dang, Madison. Six months if I was frugal and keeping myself accountable. Sure, sure. How old are you?

I'm 23. Good for you, Madison. You're doing really well for a 23 year old I just want you to know that like you're you're killing it you're killing it uh so for the next for the upgrade in the car you saved four thousand dollars for that will that be coming soon are you doing that just kind of as a precaution just a precaution my family has a family curse where every eight years our cars go out and my car's at four years right now. So I'm just getting ahead of the curve. That's so great. It's a family curse. I love it. Well, I mean, Madison, at this point you're on, you know,

baby steps four, five and six. So really there's three things you do with money. You can give it, you can save it, you can spend it. So with this bonus, I mean, I would give some of it. I would, you could put a little bit away for bonus i mean i would give some of it i would you could put a little bit away for for a car you could enjoy some of it because honestly i mean eleven hundred dollars it's amazing it's not going to completely you know change your whole financial future you know um in this moment so i would say to kind of just do both i would give some of it i'd put some more of it in that car fund if you kind of want to give a little bit more cushion then i would enjoy some of it because you've worked hard for it. Or you can spend it on four gallons of gas. That's about what it'll buy you.

Yeah, definitely here in Tampa. Exactly. For sure. Congratulations. Yeah. Does that help, Madison? I think so. I'm looking forward to figuring out what fun thing I could do with it. Yeah. I want you to spend a little bit. I'll say that. You've worked hard. You have your head on straight. I'm not worried about you going off the ranch, Madison. Well, and this is one of those cool things where

you do all this work so that when you get your first bonus, the question is, what do I do with this money? Not what do I have to, what do I get to do with this money versus what I have to do with this money. Totally different proposition. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. That's awesome. So let me ask you a question. When you think of a millionaire, what kind of job do you picture having? Is it some kind of high powered executive, like a VP or CEO? Well, here's the thing. Only 15% of millionaires actually have jobs like that. And the reality is that the top five careers for millionaires in America are engineer, accountant, teacher, manager, and attorney. It's just one of the surprising things my team found out when we conducted the largest study of millionaires ever done. Our study made it clear that if you want to become

a millionaire, you've got to invest wisely. And a big part of that is getting good investing advice. You need to work with an investing pro who can walk with you and teach you about the options that are right for you. I use a smart investor pro. Rachel uses a smart investor pro. These aren't things we're just trying to sell. These are things that we actually do in our own lives and trust with our family's resources. My team recommends trustworthy vetted investing pros from all over the country. We call them smart investor pros. To get in touch with a smart investor pro in your area, go to ramsaysolutions.com slash SmartVestor and start building wealth today. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash SmartVestor. ស្រូវនប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. Up next is Malne.

Did I pronounce that right? Out of Seattle. Did I butcher it? Monay. Monay, I'm sorry. I apologize. They had it phonetically next to the name, so I was really trying. I was really trying. I apologize. How it phonetically next to the name so I was really trying I was really

trying I apologize how can we help well well I'm glad to talk to both of you um my question is in the context of a recent divorce like how to set myself up financially for best security on my own um I'm on baby step three, and I own my house. Well, I don't own my house. I have a mortgage, but I have a house. But yeah, just kind of looking at the long picture. I'm so sorry. When was it settled?

When was it finalized? In March? Yeah. Yeah, in March. What's your financial situation? I'm doing okay. I have a day job. I'm working two jobs right now.

I have a day job, and that earns $50,000 a year, and that's remote, location dependent. I am starting private practice. That's just in the early phases. But that has the potential to grow to about 93 to 100 gross. And then I have $26,000 retirement. I owe $186,000 on my house. Can you afford the payments?

I can, yes. They're about $1,000 a month. Okay. Did you have to write your ex-husband a check to buy out the equity of the house? No, that's one good thing about the divorce i think because of the situation yeah okay uh let me just say this there's no good coming out of this i can hear it on you yeah this is hard huh you still with us really hard yeah yeah really hard. Yeah. Yeah, sorry.

No, don't apologize at all. The guy that, one of my great mentors working in mental health said this, after a major life change, after a breakup, a miscarriage, a divorce,

a loss, don't make any major moves for six months to a year. And what you need right now, we talked about in another segment, is you need some time to grieve and to sit and be sad. Because you had plans, right? You had pictures in your mind. Oh, yeah. I mean, we were going to hold hands at 90. Exactly. And so there's a season of grieving that loss of those pictures. And then the light slowly starts coming back on. Not that you're never going to not be sad when you think about your first marriage,

but the light comes back on and the air is a little bit different. And you keep plugging away at your jobs because you've got to stay busy and you've got to eat and you've got to pay rent. But enter into a season of there's not a lot next right now there is simply just grieving right yeah is that fair oh that's very fair yeah grieving and keeping myself functional at work yeah that's right that's right and that's you're gonna have to get a couple of people around you that can walk alongside you that you can text at 2am and they'll come over and they'll bring nachos and y'all could just sit and weep together or somebody who will get you off the couch and

take you to go, uh, um, go for a walk or go for a hike or do whatever you need to go to arcade. I don't know what y'all do, but, um, a group of people who are going to walk alongside you. Okay. Stay on the line. Cause I want to send you a copy of own your past change your future and that's really the crux of the book is regardless of how well we're put together our lives at some point um have the bombs that go off in them and then the question we have to ask ourselves is what's next like what do we do next and that's the whole book and there's a whole section on grief so I'll hang on the line here, and Austin will get it sent to you. Yeah, and the positive thing, just on a more tactical level, is with the financial situation, you're in a really good spot.

As good as you can be, right? Yeah, you have no payments. You have an emergency fund in place. You have a great paying job, and then another one that's going to even make you more. In a house that's really then a another one that's going to even make you more in a house that's really low payment on it yep so so in that just just hear me say that the resting that that is a possibility just to like like there's some people it's like okay we gotta kind of keep this

we gotta keep the ship afloat even though there's grief and all this but you have like secured everything so you're good you're good if you did nothing financially for the next six months you're going to be okay so just breathe more in that loss of that marriage and what you thought was and like john said get a good community around you um but financially you really are you're doing um you're doing a fantastic job and i would just keep kind of plugging away but there's no rush on anything anything does it make sense to pile up cash here? Like just to put cash into a savings account or a mutual fund and just sit through it?

Yeah, you could. I would still be okay with funding, investing during that. Yeah, I mean, I think there's still some. If there was something you guys were working towards, but since she has a house, all the big stuff I feel like is pretty much covered. But I would not make any major decisions,

though I would not- Up and sell the house? Yeah, don't do that. Or quit your or spit you know take all your money and just blow it and spend it because because of the grief you know like you really do what you want to you want to stay the course and what you've been doing but there's no need just to like sprint ahead on anything crazy so when i am so sorry but thank you thank you so much for the call um next is phil in lancaster pennsylvania hey phil welcome to the show Thank you. Thank you so much for the call. Next is Phil in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Hey, Phil, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. So grateful to be with you. Thank you. Absolutely. Thanks for

calling. How can we help? So my wife and I are trying to make a wise decision and we're kind of stuck. We're trying to figure out whether or not we should do 3B next or if we should jump into 4, 5, and 6. We recently paid off all our debt, thank God. We're projecting to have a fully funded emergency account by the end of December. Nice. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Yeah, a lot of hard work, but so glad we found your program. Very, very helpful. Thank you. So we're going to have another eight-month season where I'm going to be away from the home. My wife's going to be playing single mom. So we're approaching that season, a lot of emotions, and so we're just not sure where to go from here. The home we currently live in, we're planning on using the equity from selling that house to buy a new house. And the reason we're moving is because I accepted a job in a new location. And so that equity will go into the purchase of a new house.

But we weren't sure if once the fully funded emergency fund is in place, if we should start piling up money for a down payment on the house via 3B, or if we should just be doing four, five, and six to increase the equity in the current home for when we're prepared to make that move? Yeah, that's a great question. I would save up 3B. I would save up a good down payment during that time. Do you guys have, have you run any numbers, Phil, on when you guys guys move when you plan on moving roughly how much equity you'll have to put towards the new house yes so in our primary residence we'll have $190,000 equity once we close the sale and then we also have a shore house

which we purchased before we found the program. But thankfully, that was part of the debt we paid off. And so there's $140,000 equity in that house. But if we don't have to sell it, that's a great vacation home for our family. We prefer not to. Yeah, for sure. So the $190,000, you'll have an equity. What do you think the price of the new house will be when you guys move?

Do you have a ballpark? We put a ceiling on it at $400,000 just because we're not comfortable taking out a mortgage of more than $200,000. Yeah. Okay, then that's great. Then, I mean, I think kind of actually with those numbers, you have a ton of equity to go in. So I'm going to kind of rewind my answer, Phil, now after hearing all those numbers. Then I would start plugging away at four, five, and six

and be paying down the principal of your house. You'll have more equity. And then when, yeah, when the time comes to sell, you'll be able to roll it right into the new house. Awesome.

Thank you so much. Appreciate the clarity. Yep, absolutely. I'm really grateful for you, ma'am. Thanks for calling. A lot of house discussions recently. Yeah. Still moving. It's a mess out there, man. Thanks for calling. A lot of house discussions recently. Yeah. Still moving.

It's a mess out there, man. The market is still a little all over the place. But, man, you guys, it all goes back to math. Look at math and numbers. That's going to be your friend during all these decisions. This is The Ramsey Show. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Welcome back. welcome back to the ramsey show it's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225 find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings you get free samples free shipping and with the new promo codes that run every month,

you'll save even more. Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Sabrina in New Jersey. Sabrina writes, I listen to Dave and agree with most of his views. Oh, this is going to be awesome. I love these. Me too, Sabrina. Me too, Sabrina.

Me too. I listen to Dave and agree with most of his views, but not on sharing bank accounts with your spouse. I like Steve Harvey's advice to share a bank account for the bills and then have one for yourself and one for

the other spouse. I see couples fighting all the time about what the other spends money on. My sister and her husband argue about the way she buys her coffee. I'm engaged to be married to my fiance and I don't want the same things when it comes to finances. How can we avoid that? I think your sister's married to a jerk. He gets mad about how she buys her coffee. What does that even mean?

Unless they are broke and she's ordering $9 double latte espresso thing, right? I guess that's fair. I literally had in my head that they're at the coffee shop and she's ordering and he's like, why would you do that? Why would you put almond milk in? I went to the order,

not specifically the price. So that's fair. Here's the thing. To answer this question, I like went to like the order not specifically the price so that's fair. So here's the thing to answer this question I'm engaged to be married to my fiance and I don't want the same things we don't want the

same things when it comes to finances how can we avoid that? Don't get married. Really? Right? Or does they not

want the same things like her sister has? No. She is engaged to be married and her and her fiance and I don't want the same things like her sister has no she is engaged to be married and her fiance and i don't want the same things when it comes to finance right um either don't get married or have some hard conversations to get on the same page because yeah i'll let you rachel what do you think you're always telling people to share bank accounts yeah always because in my head yeah you see couples fighting all the time about the way the other spends their money and to me that's not just a money issue it's not a money issue at all

like we go back to i mean it's it's a it's a marriage thing like are you guys on the same team are you working towards the same goals yeah to your point are y'all trying to get out of debt and one's spending money over here when they shouldn't be well that's less about again the dollars and cents in my head and that's more about respecting each other and the plan that you're on and working as a team together. Like that's a whole other conversation. It's coming out that way. And then my other thing, too, is when people avoid, because I hear this a lot, well, people fight a lot about money. So it's just not worth it.

It's easier to have separate accounts because if we had the same accounts, then we would fight about money. I'm like, well, then the fights that you would have are the fights you should be having. Those are the conversations you gotta have. Yeah, then you gotta have those conversations. You can't just avoid hard topics in marriage by putting a Band-Aid and having separate accounts. Like, it just doesn't, it doesn't work.

And to Steve Harvey, I've heard, I've seen the clips of him, and I'm like, in my head, having the same account where you each still have your own spending money. There's a Rachel line item in our budget. There's a Winston line item. Even our kids, they each have their own line item because it just makes things easier. Like, where are we at with you guys and spending in the month?

And so I still have the freedom. I'm like, I still have my idea. I'm still Rachel. And I still am going to enjoy spending things on things that Winston could care less about. Winston spends money on stuff that I don't really care about. But I'm like, hey, we both agree this is the amount of money. So to me, regardless of whether it's in a separate checking account or not, to me that or the same, you still have the idea that you still have money to spend individually. Right.

And the idea that if you put it together, then you lose any of the things that you would ever want, any of your autonomy. It's nonsense. Right. And the idea that if you put it together, then you lose any of the things that you would ever want, any of your autonomy. It's nonsense. It means you have to have a shared conversation about shared goals, right? Roommates have separate accounts. Couples who are together for the long haul, they talk through things, man. They work together. So if you're married, have one account. And if conflict comes up because of it, good. Then you're going to work through it. So let's pull this apart for a second. Sabrina, when you say that you and your fiance don't want the same things when it comes to finances,

as a guy who works with couples, this is a big red flag, not because of the money, but because somebody wants to have a lot of cars to work on in the driveway. Somebody wants a home. Somebody wants to retire someday. Somebody wants fill in the blank. These are questions about how we're going to live our lives, what we're going to do together, and more importantly, what we value. And that what finances is just the math part of the, what do we value question? And so y'all have to get in a room and say, do we want to value peace? And do we want to value laughing deeply and going on vacations and enjoying our lives? Or do we want to value a suburban we can't afford and, um,

sending our kids to colleges that they've got to mortgage their souls for whatever the question, whatever values y'all come up with, that's the question. And that's, I mean, your finances align after the values question. Yeah, absolutely. Up next is Andrew in Knoxville, Tennessee. Hey, Andrew, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call.

Absolutely. How can we help? I'm new at this, and I'm just trying to figure out how to get out of debt and everything. That's great. You called the right spot. Okay, so you're just trying to figure out.

What's your situation? I'm $70,000 in debt. Okay. What kind of debt is it? That's my home. Just your mortgage, okay. Yeah, just my mortgage. Do you have any consumer debt, car loans, credit cards, student loans?

No, I have no other debts. Well, that's great, Andrew. How much money do you make a year? What's your take-home pay? Household, yeah. My wife's household would be $72,000. Okay. A year, that's Okay. A year.

That's awesome. Do you guys have kids? Yes. How old are they? Five and six and three. Okay. That's great. And do you guys have any money saved?

Yes, I got $7,000 saved. Okay. That's great, Andrew. Well, what we teach here on the show is really this step-by-step plan on how to get in control of your money, get out of debts, have an emergency fund, all of that. And, Andrew, you're far down the line, which is awesome because You're doing great. Yeah, the first step is a $1,000 emergency fund, so check.

The second is pay off all consumer debt, but your mortgage, check. The third is to get a fully funded emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. So you're getting there with that $7,000 emergency fund. How much, and again, you don't have to answer right now, but I want you and your wife tonight to sit down and figure out, okay, with

all of our expenses, how much do we need? And for you guys, you know, you have little kids. So I would lean closer to the six month just for some security purposes of having that, that just extra, extra cushion. And so figuring out, okay, how much more do we want to add to that $7,000? You may be close to it depending on your, your expenses. But what do we want to add to that $7,000? You may be close to it depending on your expenses, but what do we have to live off of for six months to be okay if we had no income coming in? And that's what your fully funded emergency fund. And so you're going to put that aside just in a traditional savings account

or a money market account and do not invest that money. This is not an investment. This money really is insurance. If something happens, a pandemic hits, someone loses their job. Your air conditioner goes out. Your air conditioner goes out. If a medical emergency and you need cash,

all of that, it's your rainy day funds. And then from there, Andrew, you're going to start, after that's complete, you're going to do baby steps four, five, and six together. So you're going to start funding retirement. Do you guys have anything in retirement right now? Yes. Yeah. We may not both have retirement. Okay. That's awesome. So you want to be funding 15% of your income into retirement. And then the next step is looking at kids college. So for these, this five,

five-year-old, three-year-old looking to say okay how we need to start putting some money away for them to have money for school and then that last that that baby step six is paying off the home early so doing all those three steps together is really what you're looking at so um i would i would do a couple things andrew are you guys budgeting do you guys have a written budget uh no no written written budget. I just, you know, just do like every typical people do just, you know, not go out to eat here and do that. Yep, absolutely. Okay, so I want you to hold on the line, Andrew. Austin's going to pick up and we're going to give you a year's subscription to Ramsey Plus, which is going to include our

EveryDollar budgeting app and Financial Peace University, which is going to be the full nine course lessons that you need to really get all of this in place. I know I can't answer it quickly on a phone call this short, but I want you guys to go through that, you and your wife together, and follow exactly what we say. And you guys are going to be doing great. You're doing great already, Andrew. Thanks for the call. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio

stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to ramseysolutions.com slash show.