The Ramsey Show - App - Follow a Proven Plan, Quit Making It Up As You Go

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

✍️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Help us make the show better! Take this 6-question survey.⁠⁠⁠⁠ Jade Warshaw and Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss: “How do I pay off my debt?” “Do we need to be 'gazelle intense' with our investing?” “Should I help my sister out financially in order for her to come visit for Thanksgiving?” “I am struggling to balance paying off debt and spending time with family. How do I work through this?” “How do my fiancé and I plan to protect both his family business and my security?” “How do I start investing?” “I don’t make enough to cover my expenses every month. Can I consolidate my debt before I fall behind?” “How do I stop struggling with personal fulfillment after my divorce?” “I have $140,000 in credit card debt. Should I go into default and use debt relief programs?” Next Steps:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2–5 p.m. ET or⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠send us an email⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. 📱 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get episodes early in the free Ramsey Network app! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🎁 ⁠24 Hours Only! Grab life-changing gifts for just $11⁠ 💵 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start your free budget today. Download the EveryDollar app!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🛡️⁠⁠⁠⁠Protect yourself with trusted insurance coverage that fits your budget ⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📘 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Preorder What No One Tells You About Money today now and get $100+ in bonus items.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Connect With Our Sponsors: Stop paying more and start shopping smarter at ⁠ALDI⁠ Get 10% off your first month of⁠ BetterHelp⁠ Go to ⁠Boost Mobile⁠ to switch today Go to⁠ ⁠⁠Casper Sleep⁠ and use promo code RAMSEY to learn more Learn more about⁠ Christian Healthcare Ministries⁠. Get started today with⁠ Churchill Mortgage⁠ Get 20% off when you join ⁠DeleteMe⁠ Go to⁠ FAIRWINDS Credit Union⁠ for an exclusive account bundle Debt collectors hassling you? Take back control of your life at ⁠Guardian Litigation Group⁠ Find top health insurance plans at ⁠Health Trust Financial⁠ Use code RAMSEY to save 20% at ⁠Mama Bear Legal Forms⁠ Visit⁠ NetSuite⁠ today to learn more For more information, go to ⁠SimpliSafe⁠ Get started with ⁠YRefy⁠ or call 844-2-RAMSEY Visit⁠ Zander Insurance⁠ for your free instant quote today Explore more from Ramsey Network: 💸 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Ramsey Show Highlights⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🧠 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Dr. John Delony Show⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🍸 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Smart Money Happy Hour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💡 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Rachel Cruze Show⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💰 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠George Kamel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🪑 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📈 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠EntreLeadership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network here in the Fair Ones Credit Union studio. This is the Ramsey show. All right, let's get it on and pop and talking about your life and your money. The number's easy. Triple-8-8-25-5-2-25 gets you on the line. with Dr. John Deloney. My name's Jade Warshaw. Let's get into it. William is in Atlanta, Georgia.

What's up, William? Will I am? Hey, how are y'all? Doing good. How can we help today? So, I've got, I am 22 years old, and I am engaged recently. She has two children of her own that I've inherited, and we have one on the way. So I, with her, we've kind of, you know, plan, we're getting married. We are one, as Dave likes to say. We're kind of thinking of the ballpark of what our debt would be together, and it's around $15,000 to $16,000. Okay.

And we're really trying to figure out what the best way to pay that off is with the income that we currently make. Right now or after you get married? after we get married we'll be getting married at the end of this year okay first thing I want you to do is not ballpark anything okay get an exact dollar amount

it's uh 15,668 okay so you got that way to go all right and you're you're 22 and you're about to have three kids yeah all I got to say is dang Gina it's a lot of kids

yeah what kind of money are you guys making Yeah. So right now I'm making right at $52,000. Mm-hmm. What about her? And she is making, I'm sorry. Yeah, what will your soon-to-be-earning? 42,000. Okay, good. Okay. And is she going to continue to work after this baby, or what's the plan? Yeah, so she's actually got a really unique opportunity.

My mom does Medicare insurance policies and everything. she was a cop before this i was a cop before i started doing what i'm doing now um so she has gotten a really new opportunity to work for my mom my mom only makes her come in three days a week for five hours at a time and she pays her $1,100 every two weeks all right sweet so the main question then is how do we is it how do we combine our money to pay off this debt or just we know how to combine the money jade how do we pay off this debt yeah essentially how do we pay off this debt yeah essentially how do we pay it off. What I'm really struggling with is, you know,

as you said, 22 with three kids and I was just kind of thrown into the other two and obviously that's not their fault and I love them to death but I've never really had to budget around kids. I've always just kind of budgeted around myself. Absolutely. So just

kind of jumping into things it's kind of weird for me to be able to just jump into it and be like, okay, well I have to spend this much on groceries now and we have to pay this much in rent and everything and then even with some of the money we have left over at the end of the month we're still kind of paycheck to paycheck as it is now. Are you already sharing money or is this just hypotheticals?

Like are you hypothetically? I'm sorry. When you said that we're kind of our, you said, well, we're doing this but we're already kind of running out of money. Is that hypothetical or have you guys already combined money? Because what I was going to suggest is you guys do a mock budget of what it will be like once you're married and you have her income there, you have his or yours? We've already combined everything at this point. Okay. So you all make $100,000 and you're already paycheck to paycheck?

Yeah. Okay. Is it daycare? Yes. Daycare is a very big extent. How much is daycare? Because your wife's making $1,100 a week, $4,400. How much is daycare?

Every two weeks. Oh, every two weeks. So she's making $22. 200. How much is daycare? A daycare is not far off. It's about 1,200. Okay. Okay. So there's still something to be said for her paycheck or yours. Yeah. And when it comes to food, whatever you think the number is going to be,

multiplied by probably like 3,000 percent. Yeah. That's been the biggest one for me is groceries. I never knew that they could cost so much. Bro, you don't, how old are these two kids you're inheriting? four and two just wait till they're 12 and 14 and how much is rent what are you guys paying for are you renting or what is it yeah so we're renting uh we live in a two-bed one-bath house uh outside of Atlanta uh-huh I pay 1050 a month 1050 50 a month okay uh and then bill wise we try to keep our power bill low but power bill rates here in Georgia have been skyrocketing

okay um so like last month our bill was two hundred dollars and then we got it this month and it was almost four hundred dollars what about cars what about your cars uh so my car is paid off i don't like new cars i have a 99 pahoe that i drive around and she has a 2021 traverse that she is upside down in what she owe and i'm 25 000 oh and what's it worth 15 my my my what's the payment on it 535 my gosh okay um your interest rate is 6.7% yeah um yeah you know talking about paying off this debt that's gonna that's if you guys can get out of that that's free a lot of margin for you um yeah now that 15,000 is that private sale or is that what a dealer would give you uh that yeah that's probably

sell. We've gone to a dealer and just seen like, you know, trading wise could you getting something older and just kind of the rest of it roll over or how we could work it out. But they would offer way less than we could get in private sale. They sell a lot more in private. So what I would be looking at here is, so you owe 25. I mean, if you wanted to get out of it, you could try to possibly get a loan for the difference. But you'd still have to get something cash, which you'd probably spend about $8,000 on. So you'd be at 18 instead of 25. Whether or not that's worth it, eh, probably not. I think you guys can just bear this out by doing the two things we always teach, which is there's really only two ways to do this, John.

I mean, he's either going to work more and she's going to work more, or you're going to cut things out of your budget, or you're going to do a combination of both. That's the way this works. So listening to you run this out, I mean, I'm estimating you're taking home, about $5,800 a month. Does that sound about right? Yeah, but roundabout. And the good thing about my job is I work a union job as well, and I just started. So in four years, I'll be making about $93,000.

Which I love that, but today you've got a debt problem of $16,000. Now, let me be clear. I truly don't think you guys need to be combining money until after you're married. That's where I am on this, but you're already there now. I doubt you're going to go backwards since you're getting married at the end of the year. Yeah. But the key here is we've got to find margin. 10.50 on rent's not bad.

The $1,200 on the daycare is not bad. 400 on utilities. I think there's margin there that you can find by trimming back some of the expenses you guys have. Because your big areas, daycare, unless your insurance is through the roof. But the big three areas seem to be okay. I think it's a lifestyle thing. Y'all go to restaurants a lot? No.

You don't eat out at all? Y'all cook at home? Yeah, she cooks at home every night. Or maybe you have some dogs or like some cats or something that you're spending a lot of money on pets. That's a big one. You got to take the sucker down to bone, man, on your expenses. That's what I would do. That's the answer.

And if you have to get a second job on top of it, yeah, you got to work extra. But y'all got to grind it out. This is hard, man. All right, Alan is in St. Louis, Missouri. What's going on, Alan? Hey, thank you for taking my call. I'm in a good predicament. My wife and I have recently went debt-free, paid off her house about a year ago. Way to go. The situation is we, I pastor church and by vocational and been doing that for 26 years now. made a choice when we got married and started having kids for my wife to stay at home. So I've been working a full-time job plus extra jobs all these years just to make ends meet.

So we're in a position right now where we're both 58 years old a year ago when we paid off our house, we just started investing for retirement. my question is I feel like I've been gazelle intense for the last 26 years but I feel like I still need to keep up that intensity to have enough in retirement and how did you be how did you be gazelle intense but just started saving last year for retirement because I was the only income working two and three jobs just to make sure that our bills were paid and we had six kids and keeping food on the table. But you guys also, you paid off the house, so you paid off the house before you started investing. Yes. Got it.

And we, we've, our house got torn down by a tornado, taken down by a tornado in 2019. Shoot. And that, that actually helped us. Insurance allowed us to buy another house. And we ended up owing less on that house than we owed on the one that we were living in. So that helps us to pay off that house quicker. You know, so, but we're in a position right now where we've got, right now I've got about $20,000 in Roth IRAs and mutual funds, and we've got about $40,000 in savings. And what's the income, what's your household income now as it stands?

Well, yeah, right now my wife has started working since all of our kids are out. So now we're making $120,000 a year. Okay. We've been putting between $15 and $1,800 a month into our retirement. Okay. And we have like $500 that we set out each month for the next vehicle that we may end up having to buy. We've got $200 a month that we've set aside for car expenses. And then, you know, the rest is.

insurance and things like that. You know, I don't know if we're saving out too much money for the next vehicle or, you know, I could throw more into the retirement. I just don't know what the best options would be. I think at this point, your best option is to put as much into retirement as you can, simply because, I mean, you said it yourself, you've only got 20,000 plus the 40,000 you have just in regular savings. And so, of course, you know, replacing vehicles is important, but I am worried about you having something there because you, as a pastor, you're not, you don't have Social Security taken out of your check, right?

Well, I've had Social Security taken out because I've been working a regular job for the last 30 years. Okay, okay. And I'm still working that regular job. Okay. And do you know, I mean, I'm just trying to get all your numbers. Do you know what that will be if you wait and do late distribution on? that? I do not know what my social security will be. My pension's going to be right around $1,800 a month. Okay. Well, that's helpful. Yeah, I mean, that would be my biggest thing. You do have the pension,

which is nice. You do have a little bit of Social Security. Hopefully your wife will have that too. But yeah, my goal would be like, how much can I build up this $20,000? You said you were putting $1,800 a month in right now? Yes. Okay. So, I mean, if I run that math as, it is. If you start now, or last year, like you said, and you do this until you're 72, I mean, that's $735,000 you'll have there. And I feel pretty good about that, considering you'll have a paid-for house. But obviously, if we can bump that up, you know, that's going to, every bit that you can bump that up is going to give you a little bit more peace, right? Right, right. Yeah, I guess I've just had a point where I feel like, you know, I've been

working two or three jobs plus pastoring for the last 30 years. I'm like, okay. I'd like to spend some time with my wife. Yeah, sure. But at the same time, this was, I get what you're saying, but they were, yes. Everything was a choice, man. I totally get it, dude. I totally get it. And it's, it's, it's a tough pill to swallow it.

58, is that what you said? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that's a tough pill to swallow. But it's like, we chose six kids. We chose to pastor a church. We chose to pay the house and not put any money in retirement. We made all those choices.

And then here we are. And really, at 58, like, I'm looking. at a guy who has given his whole life to serving people, and y'all have a math problem. It's just a math problem. Like, are we going to have enough money when we are 82 years old to be able to get groceries and pay the ever-escalating energy bills, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Right. So, I mean, that's what I would do. I think the 1800 you're doing is great. And that, like I said, it's going to get you to 700, you know, between 7 and 750. If you can get to 2000, that's even better. But John is exactly right. But John, I want to take a moment and talk about

what he just said because I hear that a lot on this show. I've experienced it myself, which is I'm just tired. Well, yes, but it's going back to the thing about being gazelle intense. If you say to yourself, hey, I hear what the folks at Ramsey are saying and I want to start working that plan. I want to do this baby steps thing. I just have to remind you guys, it's a system is a plan. And a plan is a plan because, you do things in a step-by-step order to achieve the desired result. If you don't do it in that order, it's no longer a plan. It's just some things I heard that I might try some of them. And so run it back the difference between a guy who put a hundred grand in 20 years ago

into retirement that's just grown and grown and grown and grown and grown. And would be 58 and have $100,000 left on his mortgage. Now we can get gazelle intense or have a very simple focus goal to get this sucker paid off while we're still Nicol and Diamond our way, that 15% right? Now, I mean, are there, let me say this. It's not like Alan was out there, you know, running the streets or something. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah, totally.

There are worse things you can do with your money versus. And you got a paid off house. So that's a huge liability off, off your plate. Right. The fact that he chose to pay off his house versus invest, like I said, there's a lot of, there's crazier things he could have done. But if you say, I'm working the Ramsey plan, then it doesn't work for you like that if you work our plan.

And I just want to call that out because that's what keeps people very frustrated is when you look at this and go, this one works for me, that one doesn't. This one works for me, that one doesn't. And you say the whole plan doesn't work. Yes. And you will. And I'm just saying, if you don't do the plan the way the plan's written, John, you're going to end up chasing your tail. Then you're going to be looking at us saying, but I was gazelle intense.

And I'm like, no, you weren't. That wasn't our plan. That was your plan. Or I think people forget about the, and again, we get this a lot like people want pull apart like the nuance here of yeah but you can put this money in this account and this over here and whatever a huge part of that plan is and you write about this in your new book it's psychological it's emotional and there's something about like when i've talked to dave privately about being gazelle intense i want to spend this many years and just pay off my house he said you're going to be a shell

of yourself in those many years do it the way we set it up so that when you turn 58 you're not looking around going i've got nothing left to give and i'm exhausted and i just want to hug my wife like and I, which, dude, I, I'm like that. I totally get that. But it's like, it's, it's largely psychological and emotional. And the money, the money always works, right? It's less, living less than you make. But there's a huge, this is a perfect example of a guy who is dedicated, his life, taking care of people, and paid off his house. He hasn't been out gambling as well. It's amazing. And I'm 58. I'm just burned out. I'm tired. I mean, Sam and I did that. I've been guilty of it. That's why I'm calling it out. I'm not telling you

something that I haven't done myself, Alan and anybody else listening. I mean, I was the one who it's clear, the baby steps clearly say pay minimum payments on everything and take the extra money and put it on the smallest debt. That's what it says. But I had a big idea and said, we don't need to do that. We just need to put all the money. Like forget about the credit card minimum payments. Just put everything on the smallest debt. Then yeah, you're going to get frustrated because now you got bill collectors calling your phone. I had the big idea at one point that we didn't need the $1,000 saved. Right. Right. And then you're, you're, You're stressed out because something comes up and it's just you've got to walk the plan the way the plan states.

Millions of people have done this. And so there's a reason that it's called a proven plan, not just a plan, because if you do it, the proofs in the pudding, it actually works for you. That's all I'm going to say, not to get on to Allen. We love Allen. But if you're listening and you're kind of hanging out around the water cooler on this, just do it the right way. It works. All right. You may not know this, but Singles Day is 1111, November 11th, and we'll have our best-selling books and products on sale for just $11. If you don't know, now you know. It includes bestsellers like the total money makeover, baby steps millionaires, building a non-anxious life by my guy, Dr. John Deloney sitting right next to me, get clear career assessment by Ken Coleman, questions for human decks, and many more. Don't wait, these deals are only here on 11-11. Singles day that's it so go to ramsysolutions.com slash store or if you happen to be watching on

youtube or podcast podcast you can click the link in the description all righty then let's go to thomas who's in new york city new york new york what's up hi yes i'm trying to figure out whether or not to bless my sister um with some money to help fix her car or see my siblings and with my mom for Thanksgiving. They promised to come up for Thanksgiving, but this wrinkle has put an issue in it. Interesting. So what's going on with your sister?

What's causing her to have problems with fixing her car and getting to see the family on Thanksgiving? I mean, she just doesn't have a ton of money and not really good with money. I was going to say, like, the fact that your calling tells me this is not a one-time event. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely not.

And if you cover the cost of this car, is it just going to be one thing after that? I mean, I want to say this is it, but I mean, I'm going to take care of my family and my people. What's the nature of what's causing her to fall on hard times over and over again? I think lack of discipline. She's kind of a flighty person. Yeah.

So over the years, I mean, what's this looked like for you? I mean, give us some hard numbers. How much have you spent to bill her out? Not a ton. But I think more than anything, I just really want to see them. But you already answered your own question, brother. You said, I'm always going to take care of my family. You've already made that choice, dude.

So if that's the choice you want to make, then make peace with your choice and make peace with the consequences of that choice, which is, are you married right now? Yeah, yeah. Okay, then you and your wife got to have to figure out, like, what that looks like financially. And you have to decide if I'm going to give money every time she calls, I'm not going to get mad when she calls. What's your wife think about it, though? She's good with it. I mean, I'm not mad.

I just want to see them and appear for Thanksgiving. I mean, you've already made that choice, brother. So make peace with it. Do you have the money to help? What's your financial situation? I'm just wondering practically. Yeah, we're good. We're getting ready to buy a house.

We're, yeah, we're doing well. Work the baby steps. What's the question beneath this question? I'm struggling with your question. I don't want to, I want to see them more than I want to give her money to fix her car. So it's more about what you want, not what she needs? Yeah. Huh.

Does she want to see you? Yeah, but they aren't going to come up if I don't give the money to them. Because they can't or because they don't want to? Because they can't. Okay, because they can't. Yeah. Okay. And they didn't ask.

No, she didn't ask me to help her fix her car. She just asked me, hey, we can't pay for the rental. car to get up there. So how old are you guys? I'm 40 and my wife is 36. Here's, I agree with what John said. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. And I'm just thinking, okay, if my sister was like, hey, are you coming to Memphis?

And I was like, no, you know, the car's in the shop. If she was like, oh, I'll pay for the car to get fixed, that might make me feel a little weird. I might be like, oh, no, we're good. Like, you know, Sam and I, we're good. And if she kept insisting, I don't know that I would have, would like that. But just because now it feels like, okay, well, I've got to give her this money back. I'm on the hook.

You know, it does change relationships when you borrow and give money to your family, especially if it's not, if there's kind of this underlying of she's kind of flighty. She just doesn't really, you know, handle her business. That's my only thought. I, like I said, what John said is true. If you have already made up in your mind, if my family's struggling, I step in, then that's your bag. And the way I, if this is my house, the way I would frame it is, hey, guys, I happen, my wife and I happen to be in a season of blessing right now. And we would love to get y'all at Rural Car to come up here.

And they can say, they can say no. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. that doesn't bother. I mean, none of it bothers me. I'm just trying to play it from both ways. Oh, totally, totally, totally. And you know your sister better than Jaden, I will. And if you know that really what she's telling you is, I don't want to come, then you're going to have to sit in that for a little bit and not just throw money at a problem, right? Yeah, yeah. They definitely want to come. I just, I feel like the responsible one and want to take care of them. Is she married? Is she married? Yeah. Yeah, she's married.

Okay. So tell us about him because you told us about her. She's a little flighty. What about him? Because it takes two to tango. Why don't? Yeah. What's the problem? Yeah. They, I think it's just a lack of discipline. I don't want to. Okay. That's not my home, so I don't want to talk on them. But that's what it seems like to me. They've got some hard times. And are you concerned that you're enabling them? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 100%. How many times have you bailed them out in the past? A couple. Nothing crazy. Just a couple hundred dollars here or there. I'm going to be honest with you, Thomas. That's the only thing that bothers me about it. I 100% understood what you said earlier because I've been in that situation. We were like, hey, it benefits them. And I realize that. But I'm really doing this because it's what I want.

I want the whole family to be together. I understand that very well. I'm in a season of right now. However, the enabling part did bother me a little bit because this is a cycle. And at that point, it's one thing if it's like no harm, no foul, but if you're enabling somebody, you are doing them harm. And so that's the only part that I, I mean, John can speak more to that. That's your bag, but. Yeah. And I've given them like the total money makeover book. I've tried to help them with budget management. Yeah, but they just haven't asked you for that. Yeah, they haven't. Yeah, and that's just tough, man. When our loved ones and our friends and family,

when we literally have a tool in our toolkit that can help them and they're not asking for that tool. Yeah, that's tough. Right, and that's always just hard. And I will say this, you would have a very extraordinary wife. And I'm not just saying wife. You'd have a very extraordinary spouse. If they're okay with you indiscriminately bailing out your siblings,

bad financial decisions over a long period of time. So I think it's worth you sitting down with your wife and saying, hey, I don't want this to get out of control and be a forever thing. What is our number? Do we have a line? What are you seeing in me? And maybe give her permission to say, you are so desperately trying to get this family together to fulfill a fantasy in your head. And we maybe need to exhale and let this thing go. And that's going to be hard, right? But dude, if you got the money and your family is just literally a rental car away from coming to see you, they just fell in hard times, that's an easy decision. But I think

think the fact that your calling says there's different layers to this thing, man. And that just makes a challenge. I agree with that. Hey, yeah, what do you think you're going to do? Just based on a snapshot of what you heard John and I do, what do you think you'll do? Yeah, I think I'll... He's going to do it. Yeah, I'm not giving the money to fix the car. And I'm going to say, we'll see you at another time. There you go. I like that. Do it, have a good holiday. Bring it up later when you're not in the heat of the moment. So, Jade, I want to say this if it is, we're recording this show at the very beginning of November, if you haven't already, and you're listening to this, if you're married, sit with your spouse and y'all talk through exactly what you want the holidays to look

like. Now, what they have to be. What do you all want them to look like? And then communicate that to your family. Like, do it the next day or two. Right? Let everybody in your family know, let all the temper tantrums happen, let all the plans happen, let all the exhale happen. But make those plans while you are still in control of them before you get dragged behind somebody else's vision of Thanksgiving and Christmas. I agree. I would take a step further too and just think back on last year's holiday and kind of audit that and say here's what went well and here's what didn't and use that as the template. And this year will not be the year. Finally all works out. It'll be just like last year. All right. Anthony is in Providence Road Island. Hey Anthony, how can we help out today?

Hi, how you doing? Thanks for taking the call. Yeah, you bet. What's up? So I'm currently torn right now. My wife and I, I'll start off with this. My wife and I, we both take home around, and I'm saying, like, net. We take around $80,000 a year, maybe with bonuses closer to $85. Okay. Right now, we are both currently $20,000.

in debt between our car loans and um credit card debt okay um the main concern i have now uh i just started following the baby steps i just got introduced to babe rancid by my friend um and everything's you know everything is great the math is mapping uh the only concern i have right now is that i've been working her between her and i we've been working very very very very hard. Long, long hours, trying to figure out babysitting. So it's been pretty tough trying to manage time because I know you can't get time back. That's the one thing I've always been told. That's true. So the $85,000 net, that's with side hustles? The $85,000, that's with both of our primary incomes. Right. But you were saying, like,

we're navigating, you made it seem like you were doing a lot of extra. So, uh, at our, so we, we both have a job, um, a full-time job. Uh-huh. I'm working about 60 hours a week. Got it. Uh-huh. And then she's working about maybe 30, 35 hours a week. Okay.

How old are your kids? So I have one kid. He's one years old. He just turned one. Um, and trying to find a babysitter is the main issue for us. Got it. Okay. Um, we're able to make it work.

her grandma's always there for us and stuff okay that's a blessing dude so how much margin do you have every month you've done the budget and by the way welcome to the cult brother hope you like took a bath in the Kool-Aid man all right so you're here in our crazy little gang

like how much margin do you have you all done a budget what do you got left at the end of every month that you're thrown at this $20,000 debt so for me alone just because we're not factoring both more incomes together as much Why? You're married.

You're made a human together. You can share a checking account. So the main issue has been trying to get her on board with the Dave Ramsey thing. Okay, so halt everything. Hold everything, homie. Halt it all. You can't do this by yourself, man. Right.

You can't. Like, you've got a bigger issue than debt right now, and then it's a spouse that doesn't share the same values as you. Right. You got to get there. What does she want to do? Yeah. Tell us her side. Yeah, so she definitely believes in, you know, working very hard and trying to stack the money. But the issue is that she's not, in her mind, she wants to save the money, but she's not actually putting it on pet and paper.

And then she's not having any, you know, margin at the end of every month. But she shouldn't have margin. Y'all should have margin. So is the problem that she doesn't feel good about combining. money like plan aside like getting out of debt aside just you guys going through let's pretend that there was no debt to pay off just you guys being in a world where both your paychecks go into the same account and as you spend you let you know there's transparency and what's yours is mine what you want to do that she would be willing to do it I think I just have to kind of engrave the importance of it more often to her or just have that one good conversation

about how serious I am about it and see if she, I like to see how she feels too. So go ahead, John. I was going to say, it's not about engraving, dude. It's the opposite. Like, I want you to sit down with your wife tonight and say, we've got a one-year-old, we created a human together, and I don't feel like I am, like, that we're united in this marriage,

and I want to be all in with you. And the way I want to start being all in with you is I'm going to put all of our money in one account, and we're going to have to talk about it and we're going to share stuff because I don't feel safe with our money situation right now. Right, okay.

And so instead of trying to engrave it in her, like, I've got to force this plan. I want you to do the opposite. I want you to take a knee in front of your wife and open your hands and say, I'm scared to death with how we handle money. And if it happened in your house in a negative way,

I want you to say, I live through this. Right. And I don't want our one-year-old growing up like this. And you all make almost 90 grand. you're 85 grand and you owe 20,000 bucks y'all can have this done in like six to eight months right right and then i don't care about like i'm gonna you're gonna miss a couple of miss six months of a one-year-old's life so that you can have the rest of the life that y'all want to build okay you get what i'm saying absolutely but if you go at a spouse who's kind of on

the fence or doesn't really care with a bunch of spreadsheets and a middle-aged man who like yells get out of debt they're just going to blow you off if you go to them and say i'm scared to death that i'm going to repeat the same mistakes my family made and i don't want to do this will you be all in with me and if you are i've got a plan that millions of people have used and it will work every time and can i add something to that i would also if i were in your position i would seek to understand what's giving her uh pause like why is she feeling that trepidation against yeah do you do you always have a scheme is this like scheme number 50 50? Like you were selling essential oils last week and Avon the week before that and like hot yoga the week before? Or is she just like pretty much immature? Kind of does what she wants to do.

I want to say it's a little bit of immaturity. She's just not as responsible with money. Do you Venmo her for babysitters? So thankfully her grandmother is not charging us. I was being sarcastic, but like, do you, do you? Do y'all have been met with each other for like, dude, you got Wendy's last week, so I got Arby's this week. Do y'all really? Yes. Okay, that ends today. That ends today.

Okay. That's how roommates in college handle stuff. Right. But there's something, the truth is some of it might be immaturity, but there's something behind that. There's something behind that. Totally. There's something of she wants to protect herself or it's a way, yeah, it's a way, yeah, embarrassment, it's a way for her to reward herself.

something there that it'll be hard for you to get to the bottom of changing that without understanding her perspective wrong or right it's still her perspective the more you can understand it the more you guys can can get on the same page so I okay I think that the plan of you know work in the baby steps is secondary to understanding why there's not a trust to combine finances so that's thing number one and then as you unravel that you can start to do these things. Dave talks about, and Rachel talk about there's a nerd and a free spirit in every relationship. And so tell her you'll take the role of the nerd. And what that means is you'll create the draft of the budget when you'll sit down on Sunday nights just to run through it.

And she gets to change one thing, at least. And you'll go, but you'll create the framework, you'll create the draft, but you'll sit down and you're all going to go over this thing. But all the money's going to go into one account. We're never been moving in. each other again because it's our money this isn't yours and this isn't mine and when you get a big bonus it's going to be y'alls and when she gets a big bonus it's going to be y'alls

and when y'all have babysitting when y'all have food costs go up like crazy because of inflation it's going to be y'all's problems that y'all handle together you're what I'm saying? Right absolutely yeah this this conversation could transform your marriage

or it will remain It'll reveal your marriage, right? Yeah, exactly. I've been trying to figure out a way to, like, manage it without, I guess, poke of the bear per se. How long have you been married? So we actually got together two years ago.

But how long have you been married? So I want to say about a year now. Okay. Okay. I want you to know how long you've been married. Yeah, that's a number you need to know, homie. You need to dial that one in. I'm sorry, Anthony.

That was funny to me. If you ever have to refer to your wife as a bear, and I know you're playing, but like, when you say, I don't want to poke the bear, that tension is the doorway. Conflict is connection. You've got to go through that. If you keep working around it,

if it's unsafe, you've got to go somewhere else. But if it's just immaturity, I'm going to do what I want to do. You've got to go right through that. Otherwise, you're going to just recreate the same trauma that's been in your family for generations. Ooh, good question. It's a next right call, man. Yeah.

All right, welcome back. We're here in the Fair Wins Credit Union studio, taking calls about your life and your money. I love this show. I love that you guys call in. I love that you trust this with your situations. It means a lot. That's what Allison's doing from Omaha, Nebraska.

Allison, you're on the line. How can we help today? Heck, yes, I am. Ms. J. Dr. Deloney. Thank you guys so much. This is, like, weird and really exciting at the same time. So it's our honor. It's our honor.

What's up? Yeah, so my fiancé and I are at a crossroads on how to handle finances, and there is a difference in economic status and a family business involved, but because that's not complicated enough, we decided to try for a child and instantly succeeded, which is great. but once that happened, his tone has now changed regarding combining finances and even getting married legally at all. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah.

A little marching band of red flags, but. Yeah, man. Okay. So how long have you been together? Oh, man. I'm not laughing at you. I'm just like past the pitcher and I'll pour another one. Jeez.

So is this guy just done a 180 on you? Yes. I would like to dance around it and pretend that it's anything. But it is dressed up in a really nice package. But when it gets down to it, it's a little hoodwinky. Okay. Sorry, Jake. We've been together four years.

Four years. So what's your question? How can we help? There's like 50 questions here I got, but what's your question? Is there a way? around structuring things that I can, we can make him and his family business and all that feels secure while also providing security for me as a stay-at-home mom. Oh, so, okay, I see. So tell us the economic, uh, unbalanced there. Tell us what his family

business is, what it's worth, what you think he's worth, and then tell us about you. Yeah. To the best of my understanding, he, he was in finance. Before, he's coming in with about $4 million, and then the family business is about 15 to 20. However, they do leverage a lot of debt, so at least to me a lot of debt. It's like $1 to $5 million a year they can take and go through. For myself, I have no debt. I've got a little under $600,000. Own a home in Nashville.

Had a great business that I shut down in order to come and be a part of this. making like 110 work in only 10 hours a week. So you work in his business, his family's business? I help out probably more than I should and don't get paid. But I had my own business prior that I shut down in order to move and be a part of this. So did you say, let me make sure I understood, did you say that you help out and don't get paid at all or you get paid for something, but then you go above and beyond that and don't get paid for the above and beyond?

well the um i don't have an official role in this business and i've been given a credit card which he thinks i should be happy with that that a credit card should be security enough got it okay so there's problems here there's problems everywhere let me ask you this question the most perplexing thing to me is why aren't you running for the hills because i have the most beautiful baby and i um i know but there's just that there's a piece of me and i'm so sorry to cut you off there's a piece of me that um i want i just want to make sure that i've unturned every rock you you have oh you have oh how behaviors of language this man has said I do not want you a part of my life

unless it is as an unpaid employee who does whatever I want, whenever I want it, however I want, period. Right? I'm so mad and so happy I called. Right? Yeah.

Behaviors of language. You are desperately trying to hold on to a picture that is right and is good. And you have sacrificed. sacrificed a whole bunch to get here. And as you have sacrificed, he has continued to pull back because he'll take everything you got. Including your dignity and your respect and your work

and your job and your time. He'll take all of it because you keep putting it on the table. Did he even offer a pre-up? In the discussion leading into this, it was always, I don't believe in pre-nuffed. I would never get married with a pre-nup. pre-up, it was all that kind of discussion. He just changed it, too, and I'll never get married either.

I think that's the thing. If you had told me something like he offered a pre-up and I didn't want to sign it, that would have been weird. But I'll be honest, the fact that he didn't even say it, let me know from the beginning. He was planning all along not for this to go through. That's kind of the way I see it. Because a guy like this, he would be planning to protect his assets upon marriage, right? I mean, you're right.

There's a big difference. There's a family business. It would be totally fine for him to offer that and say, hey, with my family business, here's what I have to do. And you'd be like, sure, fine. But the fact that he didn't even say it or mention it like that makes me know, oh, he wasn't even intending to get married at any point. Yeah, things got even more squarely when there was like this push because I do have this credit.

card, which, by the way, I spend less than I ever have before when I was supporting myself. The credit cards for you to use for yourself, not for the business. It's for you to just live on. Is that what it's for? It's what I pay for our child. Yeah, Jade, and she should be happy. Exactly. But when he was pushing for a budget, I said, perfect, I can live within a budget. I mean, I made my first million before I was 20 and lost all and don't want to do that again. but I was like, how much do we make and have never even been able to get an answer of what that number actually is?

Can I ask you a question beneath the question? Oh, I guess. You're real smart and you're real accomplished. How much of you're trying to force this fantasy into reality, even against the wishes of the person that you created a human with? how much of this is I don't have another word off top of my head right now but is embarrassment

sunk cost fallacy I'm too smart and too accomplished I've done too much to have fallen for this so I've got to make this work otherwise it's going to be tough to look myself in the mirror probably more than I want to acknowledge I want to let you off the hook for that man

we've all made mistakes with money we've all made mistakes in love we've all like gone all in on something how to burn us that's just that's a human experience what i don't want you to do is like you're an amazing woman and you've got a little kit now and i don't want you to end up in ash over trying to make something happen that this your your partner is being very clear i do not want to be in relationship with you unless it's a hundred percent on my terms which means it's not a relationship Is that fair? That's fair.

I'm heartbroken for you. I appreciate the directness more than you know. Yeah, I'm heartbroken for you. We'll be thinking about you in the next right move you've got to make. But these are hard conversations moving forward. And by the way, you're about to find out how much he makes when you file for custody. You're about to, all those documents are about to be laid out on the table, so there we go. So sorry.

All right, all right. So I just want to tell you guys right now, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for listening to the show, for liking the show, for subscribing to it. You guys even go so far as to share it with your friends, which is even better. If you're doing that, please keep doing it. It helps us out so, so much, and we're grateful.

It's a small gesture that makes a huge, huge impact. So again, if you've ever liked the show, you know, hit the little heart, if you've ever subscribed by smashing the button or if you've ever shared it by sending the links sending the paper airplane dropping it in a DM we truly truly truly appreciate it thank you so much keep doing it all right let's go to mac who's in chicago illinois chitone what's up mac hey how you guys doing i'm a big fan of the show thanks for having me on yeah you bet what's up my question is around investing i'm not sure what to do with my cash and my extra money at the end of the month. I am investing fully in my Roth 401k. I'm doing

15% there and kind of maxing it out. But I have a lot of extra cash left over just sitting in my savings account and I feel like I should be investing. I don't know how to start. I don't know what to buy and there's there's definitely a little bit of fear behind it too because i i don't want to make the wrong choices and i don't want to lose it so i'm calling for some financial guidance cool i like this question you're awesome man yeah appreciate the call way to go so you're already maxing out a roth 401k now are you just maxing it out or is it 15% of your income well it actually comes out to 14.5% of my income is maxing out the legal limit. So it's kind of yes to both. Okay, good. And you're at the right stage of investing, right? There's no debt. You have three to six

months saved? That's correct. I've got about 25K emergency fund. I don't have any debt. It's so funny. I called the show about four years ago when I did have debt. And now I'm totally debt free. Awesome. Ah, I love it. So good. Okay. So you got 25,000 emergency fund. How much did you set? You said there's extra sitting in your checking that's just above and beyond. You need to invest it. How much is that? Yes. It's currently $110,000. And though it feels good, I know that probably shouldn't be sitting in cash. And so that was really the genesis for my call. And then on top of that, I'm able to save $2,500 a month. And I don't want to continue doing that. That's correct. Yeah. So what's your?

before I tell you about the investing, I want to get a snapshot of your life. Tell me about your living situation. Are you renting? Do you own a house? Yes, I'm currently renting. And though I would like to follow the baby steps and buy a house, I'm not in a position to do so right now. I am financially in a position to do so. But the way my life currently is, I don't know where I want to live long term. I don't know where my next job is going to be within the company I'm in. I'm open to relocating to advance my career. So I really don't, I'm not in a position to buy a house right now. What's the time frame on all that? Is it in the next two to three years? Probably, yeah. Well, I will say, so I'm going to pair your living situation with your

investing question. I will say, you've got the 110,000. I think that's a great start for a down payment. But you know, like I know, wherever you end up in the United States, States, real estate-wise, it's going to cost you a pretty penny of a down payment to even get into the world. I'm looking over here at our, you know, on our Ramsey trusted site where you can see the housing market trends. And I'm just seeing that the national median price for a home is 424,000, right? So even with something like that, if you want to get that to 25% of your take home, you're likely putting down around 60%, right? Like you're putting down a lot, even if you, you know, make 100,000 a year. So that's a lot of money. So part of me says what I would do if I were in your shoes is I would

keep investing the 15%. But as far as this 2,500 and margin goes, and as far as 110, I might keep it in a high yield savings account and just keep plugging away until I know that when the time comes and I'm going to buy a house that's likely $400,000, that I can easily plop down a big enough down payment that that thing is not too big of a piece of my world. Does that make sense? it does make sense and that's what i'm currently doing like all the cash i have is in a high-yield savings account however i think um is that the one 10 or you have something above that okay that's the 110 um about your previous question on timeline i thought you meant like when do you think i would relocate and that would be in two to three years in terms of when i think i'm going to buy a house

I really don't know. That's something I just haven't decided yet. Well, I still like the idea of when the time comes, you having like $250,000 or $200,000. I don't know, but it sounds like the type of work you do might cause you to be in an area that has higher real estate prices. Am I wrong? That's correct.

Okay. So for that reason, that's why I'm saying I like that plan because you're getting the best of both worlds. What's your income, by the way, right now? Um, about $170 to $180,000 a year. Yeah, exactly. So you have a really great income. That would be my plan.

Now, let's say you stack that up to $250,000. You're like, Jade, I really feel good with this. I'm going to keep that in a high yield. I'm still not ready to buy. Then, yeah, I would look over and I'd probably, in your case, it'd be easy for you to max out a Roth IRA every year. You know, you throw $7,000 in there and let that grow. Now, as far as what to invest in, because I think I heard you ask that question.

Correct. Yeah. Four types of mutual funds. And by the way, hopefully your 401k is spread out like this too. But four different types of mutual funds is what I would suggest. We're looking for growth funds. We're looking for growth and income. We're looking for aggressive growth and we're looking for international. You might hear that stated as, you know, mega cap, large cap, small cap and, you know, mixed markets or emerging markets. So that's kind of how we do it. It's just, it's just, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, just a way to make sure that you're very diverse, everything's spread around. Some of them are higher risk profile than others, and it all balances each other out. And that's the way my money is invested. And that's the way John's money is invested. So that's how I do it. But you also asked a question at the beginning, and your question was, I want to make sure I don't lose this money. Yeah. Part of investment is a risk. Of course, yeah. So you could put all of that in there, and the Q4 Navidia number comes in lower, and since the stock market's been propped up by 10 stocks the last year,

or maybe even longer, like, it can be volatile, right? And so that might go down. And the day it goes down, I'm still going to make my same contribution because I'm playing a long game with it, right? That's correct. And I'm definitely going to continue to do my 401K. That's something I don't think about.

It's definitely a long-term thing, every check, you know. But in terms of my current cash is where I'm concerned. Yeah, I guess I want to double-click on what Jade was saying. Part of investing, or let me ask you this, what are you going to do with a big pile of money? I don't know. I guess that's why I was calling. I'm just saying like in 10 years, or 15 years. You're going to buy a place to live.

That's correct, yeah. Right? And so I just want to double-click on what Jade said. I think it's so right. if you have a quarter million dollars in a high-yield savings account, number one, some bros somewhere are going to come after you. Who cares? Because here's what you'll have that they don't.

$250,000 to do whatever you want whenever you want. Yeah. And if you want to go put 25% down on a million-dollar house, you can just write a check. You know who else can do in this country? Not very many people. And if you want to pay, put 50% down on a $500,000 house, great. Like, you'll be able to just chip up.

away at it and chip away at it. I love the idea of you having cash for like like real estate as part of your investment portfolio over time. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I understand. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. What I don't want you to do, you're going to get itchy. Go ahead. Is to get into like speculative stuff and crypto and oh maybe if I like that's where I think you're going to get yourself in trouble. Yeah. And that's definitely something I don't plan on participating in. I think it's like I even have an initial fear of investing in the stock market with funds and I know I probably should be on top of my 401k. Just remember it's the same it's the same that's in your 401k so if you're looking if you log in and check out your 401k and you feel

good about it you feel good about the growth you feel good about what you've seen that it's the same it's the same stocks and if you're still unsure you can check out a smart vester pro to help you learn a little bit more, and we'll make sure you get that information from Christian when he picks up. All righty, Hannah in West Virginia, Virginia's for lovers. That's the saying. What's going on? Hi, guys.

Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm a big fan. I appreciate it. We're happy to have you. So, thank you. So my question is, how do I eliminate or consolidate my debt as a single mom? My monthly expenses are higher than my take home pay. Ooh, well, you know, I can tell you all of the tools all day, but that's a math problem right there, Hannah.

Yes, I know. I moved up to West Virginia from Mississippi in the hopes that I would. would be making a little bit more money in the career path that I'm in. And I don't know that I did the math the correct way before I moved up here. What's your career? I am in property management for student housing. What's your income? I make $77,500 a year before taxes and insurance and everything.

Before taxes. So after, I mean, what do you, $4,600? I bring home about $2,300 every two weeks. Yeah, of course. Okay. And then what does it cost to make your life? Is it your rent that's too high? What's going on?

It is rent. It is daycare, car note. I had zero credit card debt moving up here, but since I have moved here, I have accrued about $6,000 in credit card debt. And that's just closing the gap on your budget, right? I don't think you're going out living LaVita Loka. I am not at all.

Tell me what you pay for daycare every month. It is $1,400 a month. Ooh, Mama. Tell me what you pay in rent every month? $15.90. Okay, that's not that bad. That could be worse. Is that a two-bedroom or a one?

It could be. It's two-bedrooms. Okay. How young is the child? I mean, they're daycare age, but how young? My son is 18 months old. I think you've got to get a one-bedroom. Oh, man. Is there a chance you can move?

I've spent my career working with these adjacent campus villages at universities. Is there a chance you could get into a campus apartment for a while? Where I work is not directly affiliated with the school. I know, but with the adjacent campus community, would they give you a place? I've never heard of that. I would ask. with you. I had never heard of it either until I asked. And then because I was in charge, I created it for myself. But my wife and I and our infant, I mean, our two-year-old toddler,

moved into a campus living environment for a year. Okay. And it changed our whole life. And it wasn't the best thing in the world. And it was not how I drew it up, but it ended up, dude, my two-year-old son had like 175 college students. They're just fawning over him all the time. It was a dream come true for him. Yes, that's awesome. I will definitely look into that. Thank you. You know why? Because it's going to, quote, unquote, help you with a student experience and help you with marketing, blah, blah, blah. You know all the right words you've got to say. Agreed. Yes, that is correct. Which they, the university technically considers any off-campus housing to be in, you know, like direct competition. I know.

With the university. And we're actually not even allowed to market on campus. But anyway. Well, if you could live in, do you live on your property? I do not, no. That's what I'm talking about. Is there a possibility you can move on to the property? Oh, yes. I would have to reach out to my supervisor and all the things just to see if we had like a dis like a concession. Of course.

Reach out today. Yes, we'll do. Yeah, reach out today. We'll do. I love that idea. I know that there's, it's a great idea. I know that they, there's like a list, like a company-wide list for however much they can allot per property and all of my current staff lives on site. So I feel like, I'm just kidding, but maybe.

I did two weeks ago. Oh, there you go. You got to find a place to live. But there's a bigger issue here and that is do you need to reconsider going back to Mississippi? I relocated up here because I was not going. going to make even this much money doing what I, doing what I do in Mississippi. Is it time to find a new career path? I've been doing this for four years.

I know, but you can't afford to live. That's right. If you were in another situation and you told me that you made $78,000 a year, I'd be like, okay, great, that's a fine, that's a, that's a, that's a fine income. You didn't call me telling me that you're making 40 or even 52. two. I think the problem is twofold. Number one, you're in a season of higher expense. Whenever you're in a daycare season, I mean, John, you know, I know daycare is expensive and it's not forever, but it is the most expensive four to five years of your life. So that's thing number one.

Thing number two is this car. Tell me about your car payment. My car note is $600 a month. That's the bit, yeah. How different would, your life be if you had that $600 back? It would be much better. Yeah, you wouldn't be putting it on a credit card every month, right? Yes, I wouldn't have to put daycare on a credit card every month. Right. So tell me this situation.

What do you owe on your car currently? I owe $24,000. Uh-huh. And what is it worth? Last time I looked, I believe it was worth about $13,000. Oh, boy. And you're positive. That's private sales.

that it's been a minute since I've looked so don't quote me on that it could be completely different but around about 13,000 do a little homework on that tonight it sounds like you might have rolled some negative equity in there at some point but just do a little homework what other debt is there anything else besides the car and the credit card no I don't have any other debt other than the car loan and my credit card debt so I go back to what I said before do you know anybody where you are or are you just new no friends no community yet no community yet i'm working on it i'm trying to get involved with the church in the area um i packed myself and my son up and we just this was my better opportunity where is where is this child's father not has never been involved um i told him i was

you know pregnant he told me to get an abortion and i haven't heard from him since Okay. But he still has a financial responsibility for this kid. He does, yes. And I am working on that. Okay. That would help you significantly as well. Yes, it would.

So if you were to look up in 90 days and you're getting at least some money from Deadbeat and you're living on campus at a free or reduced rate, or not on campus, but on your property. And you go trade this car in and you go to a lot of, local credit union and take out a $5,000 loan because you found some way to sell it and you're going to owe $5,000 to a credit union and you've got a cheap, just crummy car. Your whole life is different then, right? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Those are, I mean, those are your three homeworks. Number one is check out the campus thing. If the campus thing doesn't work, then you at least have to go down to a one

bedroom to save some money you're going to save you know 300 bucks by going down to a one bedroom thing number two like john said yeah we need to look into this car do some due diligence on that yeah see if you can get a loan for the difference and you're buying like a three thousand dollar beater um which is you know that's what you're getting the loan for to cover the difference plus a little bit to get a car um yeah that's that's what this is looking like and then number three is, like John said, tracking down deadbeat dad and getting what you can get from him because you need the money. Listen, I hear you. I know just bringing up the man's existence is hurting you on the inside because you're probably like, I don't want anything to do with him. And I don't want

to need his money, but you could use it, right? That is exactly how I am feeling, yes. And I always said that no amount of money, you know, was worth, you know, putting my kid in the hands of someone that I don't trust. Well, you're not going to put him in his hands, but on behalf of the dads, who the greatest thing in our life is the privilege of taking care of our kids, this guy's got a responsibility. And hopefully the courts will step up and do the right thing, and he needs to participate. The only other thing you can do is try to figure out something you can do at night

once the baby is home that you can do from home that's online. Maybe you edit papers or you do, you know, copy editing or something that you can do on your own time to make money. All right, you guys, the all new every dollar, it's here. And it's now way more than just our world class budgeting app. As a matter of fact, there are tons of new and advanced features. that are there to help you make faster progress with your money. As a matter of fact, the average person finds thousands of dollars in margin in just the first 15 minutes.

So if you want to get into it, if you want to get involved, you can start every dollar today for free. All you have to do is get it in the app store or in Google Play. All right. Mark is in Detroit, Michigan. Mark, what's up? Hey, how you doing, guys? Doing great.

How can we help? So I kind of have a weird question for you. quick history. I was married 17 years. I've been divorced about a year and a half. And my ex-wife and I, we followed the Dave Ramsey financial model. Okay? We did it right. Like, I feel like our story is unique in a divorce in that we didn't walk away like ruined financially. Good. But, yeah, but I feel very, I guess disillusioned with it, I guess a little bit in that I feel like we put our entire thought and everything into making sure we did everything right financially. And we didn't fix anything else. And I feel like now we're sitting here 17 years later,

a couple of kids in high school, lives destroyed. And I don't know what to do. It's like I have a stack of money. I have retirement. So does she. Our kids are fine. They're going to go to college, no matter what happens. Do you feel like you used this in place? of dealing with your real issues is that what you're saying you kind of both just focused on this instead of yeah i think it was like all i cared about was the money side of it and i was so focused on making sure that the balance sheet was right that i i i lost everything else and and i'm in a spot now where i really don't know what i want to do i mean it's it's like work doesn't really feel like it has a lot of meaning anymore even though i do it and i go every day when was you how soon is

your divorce over brother a year and a half ago okay exhale man you still haven't even started the grieving process yet like you're still mad yeah well i i feel like i failed um like i feel like neither one of us did anything like i feel like it wasn't like some some neither one of us like did some terrible thing or anything else like it was just we just got to a point where it was like after 17 years we just didn't even know who was who. And you know what I mean? We just both walked away.

And I don't know how to recover from that. I don't know what to do next. Like I have a condo now. My kids are like, well, why don't we get a house? Why don't we build a house? I can build any house we want it. But I don't want, I already had that. I don't want it again.

You know what I mean? I'm just really struggling with what now. I'm going to tell you, I'm just going to be honest with you. You're not going to like my answer, dude. because you've built a really powerful, like, wall between you and feeling something. And it's probably been there for a while. And you're going to keep spinning your wheels until you open the door and let yourself feel this. And that feeling is probably going to be overwhelming because it's been there since you were a kid.

because somebody said if you go get good grades and make a bunch of money then you're going to feel worth being loved and then you got married to somebody who you loved and cared about and you all created an amazing family

but you were still trying to prove yourself to the guy in the mirror for all these years man and until you acknowledge I'm worth being loved and I'm worth more than the spreadsheet and the balance sheet until you grieve that man you're going to continue to chase it yeah I just I just don't know like all like all I care about is my kids and like I hate I only get to be a dad half the time I mean there's nothing I wouldn't do or give them or or give their mom or any like there's there's nothing you know I mean I just want them to be good and I hate that you know hey I get my week and then all of a sudden there's a week where I get I sit in my living I sit in my living room and I can't go stay good night to my kids it's called grief I don't I wouldn't wish I wouldn't wish I wouldn't

what you're experiencing on my worst enemy what like circle me back do you and your ex are you all in good terms we co-parent great to be honest we get along better after the divorce than we did

for the five years leading up to it okay then why not go sit in a coffee shop and say what have we done why not go sit in a coffee shop why not go sit in a coffee shop and say hey look we chose especially the last five years a miserable marriage what if we chose something different because we both can and we chose to walk away there's no rule in the books that say two people who built a pretty amazing life but got so disconnected emotionally and relationally and spiritually that we

just thought the next right move was just we bought into the one of the most insidious cultural lies which is relationships just quote unquote run their course it's bull crap it's a lie it's not true at some point people say i quit and when you quit things fine but you can also start things why why wouldn't you do that i i don't know i think it's a lot of years of of hurt a lot of years of things that that's you can't you cannot edit that story at all there's a period after the end of that sentence why not today write a new one can I ask a question mark I mean was was there a moment like was there infidelity was there one of those big bombs dropped it was just we just drifted apart it was just after a couple years of of sleeping in different rooms and

just basically just neither being they just basically not caring about each other at all in either way and just getting to a point where it was just like, you know what, neither one of us can live like this. Okay, but you have to go back all the way up. You're too smart with the spreadsheet to not get what I'm trying to say here. At some point, you chose to stop caring. And that means you can choose to start caring.

It's a choice. It is not a feeling. I don't care how much Hollywood says it is. I just spent an entire weekend with 1,400 people, 600 plus couples up here in Nashville leading a marriage retreat where we taught people how to rebuild your marriage from the floor up. Now, I'm not trying to push you into getting remarried to her. What I want to tell you is the next choice you make is a choice. The next thing you don't do is a choice to not do something.

And I'm trying to empower you as I'm trying to do. but you know and I know that 18 months later sitting on the couch and just with your face in your hands wanting to see your kids isn't the next right step right going to see a therapist and saying I've not like the guy see in the mirror since I was second grade I want to deal with this is maybe calling your ex and saying what have I done is maybe calling your ex and saying what have I done is maybe calling and saying, I miss the kids. Can I come by and see them in the evening because we're good co-parents? Maybe that, I don't know what the next right one is, but you have to regain your autonomy here amidst this black hole of grief. And at some point, dude, you have to feel it. Or your body will shut you down.

And it feels like that's what it's doing to you right now. It's starting to spiral and spiral and spiral. Yeah, there doesn't seem to be a lot of light at the end of the tunnel. That's right. And there can't be in any light when every day you go home and sit on the couch in a dark room. And here's what I'm trying to give you. I'm trying to give you your power back. That yes, like the feelings you have are real and you're now a partner in this misery.

Which means, I'm trying to give you a good side of this. That means you can be a partner in walking towards a light somewhere. Do you get what I'm saying? Yes, sir. Do you believe you're worth even taking that step? Are you just sitting at home thinking, I failed my kids, I failed my wife, I failed everything, I filled myself? Well, there's a lot of that. I'm not going to lie to you. Okay, then here's the path.

Because I'm a guy that your job is to make it work, no matter what. Then good, then we're going to make this one work. You're going to write yourself a letter tonight. Two years ago, you're going to write that guy a letter who's sitting at the time. the divorce table and you're going to write a letter to yourself in five years about who the guy you're going to become because of the choice you started making today. Go make it happen, brother. Welcome back to the show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. I'm here hosting with Dr. John Deloney.

I'm Jade Warshaw. Thanks for listening to The Ramsey Show. We've got Dave, who's in Los Angeles, California. at hey Dave how can we hope thank you so much I just found you guys this weekend for the first time so forgive me if what I'm asking is something you've covered through the years Dave we're just glad you're with us man

we're glad you're with us I'm excited yeah dude no apologies no apologies needed man everybody's showing up new and pulling in at their own pace so I'm glad you're here excellent excellent I'm a single father and I went through a major family crisis three years ago, the type of family crisis that is, you know, life or death, as a result to deal with the expenses of that, I went into $140,000 of credit card debt. And I have no regrets. I would do that

again every day because at the end of the day, the crisis was resolved and that money was well spent. However, the credit card debt is crazy. I mean, some cards are $22,000. Others are $32,000. And the interest on that ranges between 25% to about 32%. So it's killing me, obviously. I'm treading water, no disposable income, no backup money whatsoever. If I had another crisis, the type of real crisis. The type of real crisis, I would drown because it's, you know, just enough to do just every bare minimum for the cards and just enough to put gas in the car and just enough for decent meals, but nothing crazy, no vacations, et cetera. What do you make?

What do you make every month? I make a decent income. I'm in California, so, you know, it may seem like a lot here, but it's not when you have a mortgage and all of the things and luckily hit me with the number oh um i'll give you a yearly because oh no okay no monthly monthly it's about um 4200 no sorry that's the paycheck so okay 84 we're looking at 80 84 sorry math was never my strength that's all right we're we're walking with you so you've got the 8400 and like you said you are in california so i got to assume that your real estate is higher You own a house?

I do, and I unfortunately have a 30-year fixed rate with a really good interests, like really good. Okay, okay. What do you pay every month for that mortgage? Like, okay, so one paycheck goes to the mortgage. That's one of the paychecks and the other paycheck goes for the bills. So half of your mortgage is 50% of the problem, is 50% of your take-home pay? Is that what you're saying? Yes. Okay. Yes. So almost. Yeah, your house is not a blessing, brother. You got to change your mindset on it. It's not. It's killing you. The mortgage is a bigger problem than the credit card debt almost. It's killing you. I hate to tell you that. We're telling you that we love you, dude. There's a little twist. The mortgage normally won't be that high coming in March. When I went through the crisis, I couldn't pay my property taxes and I couldn't pay my, I couldn't pay my property taxes. So you're doubling up right now? Is that what's happening?

Yeah, my mortgage company basically did an escrow and to pay for the back taxes. My mortgage went up, but it's going to come down about $1,500 in March. So I'll have a little breeding, I'll have, you know, $1,500 of breathing space. Okay. Which would put it in some of those kind of cards, but, you know, not as much as I need because some of the interest is obviously going to gobble that up a lot. Here's the thing. Here's what you're going to have to do. You're going to have to either, and this is me just being a direct because I care about you, okay?

Either, man, you are a smart guy, you make a good salary, and your heart is bigger than the moon. Dude, you're an amazing guy. And you're going to have to figure this out, or if you get with this crazy crew over here in Nashville, Tennessee, and we've got millions of people who've gone through this and it's work, you're going to have to say, I'm going to surrender all of the old ideas I had about things like a good mortgage rate is always a blessing or the interest rate here and that. But we have a process and I promise you it will work if you'll follow it. But you've got to go all in, okay?

And no other little influencery person can get away with what we say, which is it works 100% of the time if you'll run the plan. Okay? Jade's going to walk you through it, but you've got to be all in. how old's your kid by the way I have two things that were offered to me which is the purpose of my call so I just want to make sure we

get to those but my child is five years old five okay good to know okay um so I was just trying to attack the first question that you had which was seemed like the credit card debt was an issue I wanted to know what your time was like and what your ability is to earn more money knowing the age of your kid helps with that

you know if you have a toddler at home it's a lot different than if you have a 14 year old at home but get your what were the other two parts of your question that you had so the reason for my call is because I got two offers to deal with this and not knowing what you've said previously on this topic I am because I'm really tempted to go with either of these two because I don't have any more income because I'm spending as a single dad that every minute of my life with my baby maybe. I mean, she's the world and I'm all alone. But get into your question because we don't want to hit the clock on you. Okay. Got it. Okay. One agency hit me up and said, look, we will help you. We will

negotiate all of the years. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't do it. It's total scam. Total scam. Promise. It's not that consolidation, but they said they would, you know, if I go, you know, don't pay them for 60 days. No. No. No. All that's going to do. ask yourself two questions. If you don't pay them, what's going to happen? Your credit's going to be destroyed. And during that time, all they're doing is setting you up for negotiations. If you really wanted to go that route, couldn't you do that yourself?

If you wanted to say, you know what, I'm just not going to pay them. I'm going to default everything and then I'm going to settle everything. Couldn't you do that yourself if you wanted to? Yeah, sure. You don't need anybody to do that for you. Okay, good. But you don't do that. But you don't have to do that.

You don't have to do that. I was trying to set. you up for a world where you can say, okay, right now I'm making minimums. There's not much breathing room. What can I do to get more money in the door? And that would be my biggest question is, what can I do to get more money in the door? You're right. It's going to be very tight for you until March or April. And there's part of you that if you want to, you know, take that horse to the Old Town Road, that's fine. Because once you do, you're going to be well within, not well within, but you're going to be way closer to being able to keep this house about 600 bucks off. I don't

think I'm going to make you sell the house over that just yet. But in the meantime, you've got to be doing everything under the sun to get money. We can't just do nothing for the next four months. You've really got to make sure that you are exhausting every single effort to get more money in. And what I would do if I were in your shoes is I'd say, okay, what do I need? What would make me feel like I'm making a dent in this? Is it $2,000 a month to put at the smallest credit card? Is it at $1,500 a month. And I would work backwards from there. Can you take your kid with you to do some door dash and to do some Uber Eats? I think you can. I've seen it. And to do some grocery runs for folks. That's what you've got to do because that's the only way you're paying this off. And I can tell you right now,

there's not going to be anything comfortable about it. There's not going to be anything easy about it. There's not going to be anything about this that makes you look forward to it, except knowing that at one point you're finally going to pay it off and it's going to be behind you for good. That's it. All right, all right. Hey, do you ever feel like

you're doing everything with your money but you're just not getting anywhere? You ever feel like you're taking two steps forward, one step back? Do you ever feel like Alan who called in a couple hours back and said, I'm gazelle intense, but still not where you want to be with your money. Man, I know all about that.

Maybe you've made the changes. Maybe you've had a few wins, but something still feels off. It's not because you failed. It's because money is not just about math. And John, I've been saying that over and over across the airwaves that money is not just about math. Money is so completely emotional. I mean, you've probably heard us say it for years here that money touches every area of your life, right? It touches your relationships with your spouse, your relationship with

your kids, it touches your spirituality, it touches your career. Your relationship with yourself, the shame, the embarrassment, the everything. And so when you listen to a show like this, and you have a situation like earlier when the guy called in and he said his wife didn't want to combine the money, remember, and we were trying to get to the bottom of that. Guaranteed is something emotional that happened. Whether something she observed as a kid in her parents' household, something that happened with the boyfriends. There's always something behind it. So when we say, hey, combine your finances,

it's never as easy as just one, two, three, right? When we tell somebody, hey, you're going to have to sell that car and they say, well, wait a minute, that was my gift to myself when I finally finished med school and that was huge accomplishment that's attached to a feeling of achievement for me. It's not always easy, right? Or always.

I don't think we talk about right now. Everybody knows, like we were just talking off air, how unfathomably expensive things. are it's wild right and we're getting more calls than ever about people making 70 grand 80 grand 100 grand that are just duct taping things together right now well nobody talks about and I'm so glad that you do now nobody talks about that sitting at the table feeling with your face in your hands like you have failed your kids like you have failed your spouse like you're just going to be just like everybody else in your family that sense of

like it's easy like i quote unquote know what to do next right spend less and go make more but if it was that simple everybody would be doing everybody would be there is a wheelbarrel full of like emotions in there and nobody talks about that moment when the lights are dim in your kitchen by yourself with your hands in your face going i don't know how this is going to work and man that's i'm glad you put that down yeah yeah john's talking about my new book that just came out it's called what no one tells you about money so good and it is it is It's the real key to getting unstuck from someone who's been there, which is me. I've been there.

I've been in your situation. Just what John was talking about, that moment where you look up and you go, my life is not what I thought it was going to be. And I thought I would be X, Y, Z by now. I thought I should have this by now. I thought I would have that by now. And you do. There's a lot of things that hit us.

You feel frustrated and you feel scared and you feel angry and you have shame and guilt. All of these things. I talk about it all in the book. And it's not just me pontificating. It's me giving you practical steps. on how to get out. John, that's what we do here. We tell you, we tell you the problem, but then we tell you step by step how to give out, get out. And it's the same thing with this. If you walk through the frameworks in this book, you are going to go, oh, oh, Jade, now I know

what it is. I just needed you to give me words for it. I didn't know what it was. And now I see it. Now I can see how that's been holding me back. Yes, I will do it. So please, guys, this is the book. It's on pre-order now. It's 2499. And if you order it now, you'll get $100 in free bonus items. You'll get the audio book. You'll get early access to the e-book. You'll also get, I do a video where I go through and do a financial checkup with you, like one-on-one. We'll walk through your numbers, and it's really helpful. And guys, I'm going to do a book club of this book. It's going to be a three-week book club where we're going to really unpack this thing together. So if you've just felt like you needed something, you need somebody to grab your

hand, I'm the one grabbing your hand. I'm reaching out. Grab it. And I'm helping you. Come on. Let's do this together. This is your year, man. Pre-order today at Ramsey Solutions.com slash store, or if you're watching on YouTube or podcast, of course, you already know, click the link in the description to get your copy. Guys, please don't wait on this. I know we sell you a lot of books,

but this one is completely different. I'm telling you, man, you can look at me, you can already tell it's going to be different. All right. Keaton is in Denver, Colorado. Keaton, how can we help, man? Hey, guys, thanks for taking my call. You bet. How can we help?

So my question is, how do I start a business as the sole provider to my family? You don't sleep very much for the first couple of years. Yeah, I kind of thought the same. I just want to know, I'm kind of a newer listener to the show, and luckily I don't have any debt, and I know that's what you guys talk about a lot, which is awesome. And I'm lucky enough where somehow, without the Ramsey plan, I got there, but I'm here.

Oh, you have common sense? You know how to do elementary school math? Congratulations, man. That's awesome, dude. Well, I'm here, and I just want to know, like, what would the baby steps for me look like, the different set of baby steps for starting a business and potentially walking away from my current career

because I've worked really hard to get to the position where I'm at, and I'm making over six figures now, which is awesome. What six figures? Six figures can be a lot. It can be 101,000 or it can be 900 and 1,000. So how many figures? Tell me the real figures. Okay. The real figures is I'm making just over 100 grand a year. I'm in sales. So half of that is commission. Half of it is salary. What business do you want to go start? So that's another part is the business I would want to start. I'm a sales rep for a manufacturing company. And I would essentially want to go into direct competition. And the issue with that is I feel like I can't start it unless I walk away from my current position. I think that's fair. I think that's right.

And that's an integrous way to do that. So if you were to walk away from the job, what could you do in the meantime as a full-time job that makes money while you start building up your book of business doing the business you want to do? Hmm. Well, I could, I mean, I've done a lot of things in the past. I was a bartender for a while. I worked. I've done a bunch of different jobs. So I'm sure I could figure something out. But in my industry, without going into competition, I could probably make about $25 to $30 an hour while I'm building this business. Okay. Well, that's just get a, here's the deal. I want you to focus on the math problem. are you married I am yeah and we have two kids okay so you and your spouse

are going to sit down and just go up but here's how much money we need to survive for 24 months okay and then I'm gonna commit to making this much or if she wants to be

a part of this dream too then I mean she's got to be a part of the dream but like contribute like then I'm gonna take on she's gonna take on a second job or she's gonna stop doing X white you like here's how much it costs

to run this house here's what we can cut for 24 months here's my investment in this thing and here's how we're going to know dollar amount is this being successful or not now you have no debt but do you have any money saved I do

and I guess I guess the other wrench to throw is I'm renting right now we don't own a home but I'm debt free besides not owning a home that's not a wrench it's fine so I rent but I have about 70 grand in savings right now okay yeah I think that's

I think that's the homework number one is make a list of what can I do in the meantime to bring in money, whether it's, like you said, in your field, you can, you know, make however many dollars an hour, but you need customers first, right? So that's not like you can start that necessarily tomorrow. So we need to make a list of what we're going to do in the meantime until your business gets off the ground. And we need to figure out exactly what that number is. What does it take to make our household run? Is it $5,000 a month that we need? It's $6,250 a month that we need. And whatever that number is, now we work backwards in order to accomplish it using that list of skills and jobs that we said we were going to get.

So that's what I would do. And then just on the more practical side, you know, this is, I don't say this in the way that I don't believe in you because I actually really do. I think you'll do this and you'll kill it. But maybe possibly for your wife and just for fairness, set boundaries around this and say, here's, like, create a plan and say, here's what the plan is. Here's how long I think it's going to take to actually get this thing off the ground. Here's how long I'm willing to be in this amount of income bracket. Here's where, and here's also the point that we turn it off if for some reason it's not making money, right? Go ahead and put those boundaries around it because that's going to, A, light a fire for you to go quickly and really make stuff happen. And number two,

it's going to make your wife go, okay, I can get behind this. There's a starting point. There's a succession point and there's a turnoff button if it doesn't work out. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney joined by Jade Orshaw. Let's get into that Ramsey Show question of the day, shall we? We shall. All right. You already know it.

The Ramsey Show question of the day is brought to you by why refi. When your private student loans are in default, it's easy to feel ashamed or stuck. But don't worry, why refi will not judge you. They'll help you rebuild. refinance and regain control. So just visit yrefi.com slash Ramsey. Remember, that's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y.com slash Ramsey, and it's not available in all states. This question comes from Page in Missouri.

Page writes, my husband and I are struggling to balance everything right now. We are $25,000 in debt, which will be paid off next year. Combined, we earn around $100,000 a year, and between rent, home expenses, and our one-year-old, it feels like we can never get ahead. I've thought about getting a second part-time job, but I feel guilty leaving my baby longer than I do now. Man, that keeps coming up over and over and over, man. Should we put everything on a hold,

including parenting time, church obligations, and personal commitments to focus on paying off debt faster? Or is there a better way to balance faith, family, and finances without burning out? You know what? I really, I love this question, John, because it's so real. You just wrote a book about this question. It's such a real thing.

And it's a question of priorities. And I think it's a very difficult question because everything wants to be the priority. Everything does. And I've said this before. I think with you, you know, it's very easy to say, I want to prioritize getting out of debt.

And then we also say, well, I also want to prioritize being a parent. And then she's got another laundry list. Well, what about my faith? What about my family? What about my church? All right. Let's pretend that you have said the number one thing for me to do is I want to get out of debt. That's the number one thing. That's top priority. It's going to butt up against other things that are saying, but no, I want to be the top priority. So you're feeling that now. You're feeling saying, well, wait a minute. I have a one year old. Is it a one year old? I have a one year old. What about them?

If I pay off this debt, I'm not prioritizing them. But that's simply not true. There's different ways to show priority. You could say, well, I'm not prioritizing my baby if I'm not spending time with them. But that's not true. There's ways to prioritize your family, like providing a roof over their head, like taking care of them, making sure there's food on the table, making sure you can be there for them in the long run, making sure that you don't make your retirement their burden, right? Let's stop saying that the only way that we make our family a priority is to be there every waking moment of the day. That's just not true. And that's something that we have to like square up with in the mirror if we ever want to get this thing done. You're right, John,

this has popped up a couple of times today. And I just want to say that it's a harsh reality, but it's a true reality. And I can say that as a mom, it doesn't feel good to leave your kid. Period. As a dad, I don't like leaving my kids. I like hanging out with my kids. It doesn't feel good, but remembering what's true. And this is what I talk about in the book. The things that we tell you to do, I get it. It sounds good in the moment. Yeah, just pick up a side hustle. No problem. 700 bucks a month, bam. But then when you actually go home and start thinking about it, you develop these fears of, well, what if I do, what's your biggest fear?

Oh my gosh, if I do that, my child is going to forget about me. I'm going to be the worst parent ever. They're going to end up in therapy. No. And I found, John, with fears, there are, they can be rational or irrational. We know that. And a lot of times when I find that there's an irrational fear, it tends to be on the vague side. It's kind of like, oh, if I do this is going to ruin everything.

Be specific. That's right. Well, what do you mean by that? ruin everything? You know, if I do this, it's just, you know, my church obligations, my personal commitment. No, no, no. What do you mean? Because if we can dial it down to something true that's actually rational, then we can figure it out. If you said to me, Paige, well, here's the thing. If I work extra, we have this thing on Wednesday nights at my church and I'm the one that's responsible for bringing the meal. And if I don't bring the meal, then 70 people don't have,

you know, food for Bible study. Right. If that's a very specific problem, then I will say, well, can't you just call Natalie and ask her to bring the food? Right? Now we can solve the problem. So you have to ask yourself, do you even really want to solve the problem? So if you do, let's get specific. Number one, let's figure out and let's accept, hey, there's more than one way that I can prioritize my family. And in this season, the way I prioritize is I make sure this debt is paid off and that they

have a life financially. And then number two, whatever it is I'm afraid of, can I please drill it down to something that's real and rational so that I can actually solve the problem and see if it's even true that this you know what I'm saying what it is that I'm spinning out in my brain so that's what you need to do here um you're going to have to let these other things church um family balance I put that in quotes personal commitments let those be number two number three number four number five number six on personal commitment and in this season for this short period of time let yourself prioritize putting your family first by getting your financials right and that's all

I can say about that, John. I mean. Yeah, it's, it's, it's short-term pain for a long-term game, man. Every time. It's like, I'm going to, this is going to be awful right now for the next five months, getting, we have $2,000 of margin, or we have $200, we're going to, we're going to scratch and claw, we're going to sell some stuff, and we're going to look at, do we have to have, I mean, I'm talking about getting radical in people's homes, like, with the, the way we live, get radical about it. Please, please do. And I love that you said, that because you're going to have to say I feel like I'm saying this all the time you're going to have to sacrifice there may be a season when you got to move your your thermostat down

and you got to wear jackets and get under blankets or you sell your furniture and you sleep on an air mattress or you go down to one right and thank you for saying that john because i want you guys to know i'm never going to tell you something that i've not done myself but you're talking to somebody who sold all the furniture in their house and i sold my house and moved into a dorm okay you just do what you got and i thank you I drove a $3,000 truck It's like you do what you got to do what you got to do We were a one car household for 10 years

The people on this show are not just We're not just making it up We're telling you the things that we would do And that's what this is going to take The things that we have done Yeah the things that we've done exactly This is what it takes And change requires change

That's all I can say And it's rarely easy It's never comfortable that's just part of it. And I feel like that's the drum that I'm beating today because I want people to understand that when you're in a marathon, you will feel pain. Like, that's just part of it. John, again, this is in the book. When you're running a marathon, some days you go out and it's sunny and it's 70 and the birds are chirping and it's great. Same thing with your money. Some days you wake up, you're like, man, today feels like great day to pay some bills

and you're paying the bills. You feel good. You're not mad about paying a little bit extra on your spouse's student loan. You feel good about it. You know, the check. came in today, everything's good. But then other days on the marathon, you wake up, it's stormy outside, it's cold, it's rainy, it's the big rain drops that hit you in the eye when you run, that you just, they soak your clothes immediately. And the same thing with your money.

Some days you wake up and you're like, really, this is what I get, I've been working 10 years at a job I hate that I barely make, and this is what I get a crappy car where the AC barely works, right? And you wanna throw up your hands and you wanna quit, but you can't. You can't quit, you have to keep going,

You have to keep going. It's not easy. And that's fine. It's good that it's not easy because then at the end, what it produces in you, John, is somebody who can go the distance, who can sacrifice to win, somebody who can look at things as what they are

and go, you know what, that makes sense, that doesn't. I can take some of the emotion out of it. I can control the emotion. It's not just, well, this doesn't feel good. It rarely does. I was, last night I was in Chicago and I was sitting with a great comedian

named Matt Taylor. We were talking, and he was talking about, about first starting comedy and having to scratch enough nickels together to either eat or have a place to sleep. But he talked about where he is now. And he says the strength he has now is rest on the I had to figure it out. And so now I know what I'm made of. And so things don't scare me in the now. And it was that sense of if you don't know what you're made of, I don't think I could go without the house being at 76 degrees, but I promise you you can. Right. I don't know

how we could make it without if we sold these two recliners and I promise you, I promise you, you'll be fine. Well, people are adaptive and that's the thing you have to remember. People, I don't know, I always like likening it to COVID, but there was a time of life where we wore masks over our faces. Right. And we got used to it. Everywhere. Everywhere. And you get used. That's just how the humans are. We will adapt to anything and be like, okay, this is what a it is, I'll make it work. And yeah, that's how it is with your money. There for a minute. Yeah, my grandmother didn't have chick flay. She had chickens in the backyard. All right. That's how they did it. You'll go to sit where the recliner once was and the first time you'll

fall back thinking it was there. And then after that, you'll learn, oh, it's not there anymore. And you get used to sitting someplace else because that's what you'll do and you'll be fine. Guys, keep going. Do not give up. Do not give up. Do not give up. All right, our scripture and quote of the day, he has shown you, oh, mortal, what is good? And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. That's Micah 6.8. James Clear said, every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

Love it. That's such a great line. It is such a great line. It's so true. It's your choice. every single one of them. All right, Rex and Providence, Rhode Island. Hi, Rex. Hey, how's it going?

Great. First of all, me and my friends, big fans. But I graduated college back in May. I have a little over $75,000 in debt, but I was blessed to promptly get a well-paying job in my major, and currently my expenses are,

I mean, effectively zero. I was wondering how to best capitalize on the situation and get those to have paid off as quick as possible. How are your expenses zero? Yeah, so, I mean, after college, moved back home. And I'm pretty blessed in my job. I'm constantly traveling, and those travel expenses get paid for it by my company.

So I'm effectively besides having a girlfriend and, you know, doing stuff here in airplane golf, effectively, my, you know, mandatory expenses are zero currently. Gotcha. What are you earning? So right now, currently around. 6,200 a month. 6,200 a month. Love that for you.

Okay, so, thank you. Listen, you, you told me you have nothing else to pay for. You called the wrong show, brother. You're not going to like what we say. I'll tell you right now. Right. Hit them with it, John.

Okay, you got, you said you got a grown-up job. So now you have to start in grown-up stuff. And that means you make $6,200 bucks a month. That means in Halloween of next year, you're going to be writing your last check. for your student loans. So my, the loans do get deferred. So this is the first month that I was going to say. So I've been saving, I've been saving since starting a job.

I've currently have, I have about $25,000 saved. And I was wondering, do I just go right at it? You know, the biggest loan. Your balance is now $50,000. Congratulations. You keep a thousand aside. Keep a thousand aside. That's baby step one.

You just need that there just in case something to fall back on. It's not much. but yeah now you're now you're at 51,000 and then you can cash flow the rest it what could you I'm just guessing can you put $5,000 a month on this uh I'm that's currently what I what I am doing it's amazing brother that's all you got to do that yeah get it done and listen every I was just there's so much conflicting information I know I know people you know tell people to invest and you know let the money work for you before I get into it I'm going to tell you like here's a deal everybody's going to consider investing like building a house everybody's going to be telling you you want your house to look like this no you want a house look like this

you can't build a house in a hole and you're in a hole right now right and every single person around you is one word broke right every adult next to you at church broke the people you work with their lives are owned by car companies and mortgage companies and credit card companies they're owned and you just have to choose brother i'm gonna simply do life a different way and this is me desperately you can hear it in my voice i'm desperately talking to 21 year old me who got out of college got my first big boy job made a whole bunch of money and i ended that first year out of college in more debt than i started and you're not you're not me i'm just telling you like dude you have a chance to change the entire trajectory of your life can i tell you something else crazy? Yes.

When I was your age, the job I have right now did not exist. There was no such thing as a podcast, YouTube, social media. Why do I tell you that? The thing you have right now

is not going to last forever. Right. And so if it goes way up or if it goes sideways or heaven forbid even goes down, put yourself in a position where you don't owe anybody, anything in the world.

And you've got your own place, you've got some money in the bank. So when whatever happens happens, you can it will be a rocket ship for you not a pushback even further you get what I'm saying right you're right absolutely bro you got it you got it right in front of you got like a you got like a path you just jade and I are sitting you're like you just got to walk that path 10 months just walk to path 10 months and you're done or be even crazier do it more do it more put 6 000 in a buck and do it in eight months like just get it done man absolutely all right bro you can be done dude done

done, done, done, done. Do you think he's going to do it? No, I know he's not. Bro. Listen, Rex, if you buy crypto, whatever, dude. No, I think Rex might do it because he did tell me that he could spend $5,000 on it. I think he might go on ahead and do it. All right.

I think everyone's going to give him so much smoke. Like, I thought you were making money. Why are you broke all the time? He's trying to get out dead. He doesn't have to tell him. All right. Ben is in Des Moines, Iowa. Don't tell him, Rex.

Hey, what's up, Ben? How are you? Good. How are you guys doing? Good. can we help? That's good. I'm in college and I'm a young 20-year-old and just trying to figure out some ways, some practical tips to really be frugal with my money. How can I stay motivated with that instead of spending more? So how do you say motivated to be grueled?

Yeah, motivation is dumb. I rely on motivation for almost nothing because it's fleeting. Yeah. What are you asking for? yeah i mean honestly it's just trying to just trying to save money um in the long run to for what uh have more in the end well it can't just be for nothing what's the money going to be for it's too big a morephous of a goal i mean i'd say for college mainly so i can pay that off okay so what are you doing currently tell us about your life currently and what you're trying to get to because if you're trying to save up to pay off later student loans then I would say, well, let's talk about paying cash for college now.

Okay. What are you trying to do? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would say just saving up trying to pay for college. And then, like, also, I'm really not working anywhere. So, like, how can I really be frugal with that? So I don't, like, go spend it on other stuff that I maybe don't actually really need. Don't spend it on other stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. How much money do you have? What do you, how much do you make? I mean I have like 200 with me okay so you got 200 bucks yeah okay and how often do you make the 200 is it once a month once a week uh it's I make it once every two weeks okay so you got 400 bucks a month and it's like what's the best way if I were you I'd throw this in a high yield savings account

when to school start when did it start in August okay he's in class right now and how much how much is it a semester let's work backwards. I think it's... Yeah, you don't even know. Right? Yeah, no, I don't. Yeah.

Okay. Let's get some real information, some facts in front of us. You're asking us to do something for you, brother. With all due respect, you're asking us to do something for you that we can't do, which is, if you've got $200 in your pocket and you know you're going to spend it, then you have to have the discipline to put $200 in the bank or to give $200 to your friend. Like you've got to make choices for what you want to do. So, yeah, it's perfect.

That's what I need, yeah. Let's give you some homework. Number one, you're going to find out how much your tuition is so that you know, here's something for me to aim at. Then once you know the tuition, then it's like, okay, what do I need to do to pull in, you know, $1,500 a month so I can start to tackle some of this tuition, right? So now you can reverse engineer it and say, what is that per month, what is it per week, and start working on that.

Um, that's what I would do. Um, right now is not the time to focus on investing or focus on anything. Uh, yeah, it's to save up to be able to pay cash because when next semester comes, you want to be able to pay cash for it. So that, that would be my biggest goal. And if you can work some extra hours, it's okay to work part time while you're in school. Studies show that you do better. You're better manager of your time. So I would do that. Um, how many hours are you working so far? Um, like six usually. Yeah. I try to get like 15 hours a week under my belt. That'd be my goal. Or more. Okay. You know, start, start with that. If your grades aren't suffering, up it a little bit, right? Or double it. Mm-hmm. But if your grades start suffering,

you need to pull back because that's the whole point. No point in pain for something that you're failing at, right? Yep. Yeah. So balance that accordingly. But that's, that's exactly what I would do if I woke up in your shoes. And like John said, use that why, use that goal as your, I'll use your word motivation to do this. But it can't just be for the moment. You have to think about what life is going to feel like four years from now if you don't do it, right? Do you want to wake up in a pile of $20,000, $25,000 of debt when this is all set and done? 40,000? I don't think so. So that's your motivation right there is the future. All right, guys, thanks for hanging out with us. Remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace,

Christ Jesus. Thank you.