The Ramsey Show - App - Free School Is NOT Worth Emotional Abuse From a Parent (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. My co-host today, Ramsey personality Dr. John Deloney is with us to talk about relational IQ, working with the person in your mirror or people in your life that have some kind of an issue and you're trying to work through the relationship stuff. And a lot of that stuff has been, I'll take your questions as well, money, and we'll just jump in here together and do this. That's what we're going to do. It's called the Dave Ram ramsey show the phone number 888-825-5225

in tennessee we've opened up and there's a sense that it's calming down a little bit that all the stress in the air is starting to with a lot of people dissipate a lot of people are still completely in freak out mode uh the hysteria continues but what happens is is that little things between people become big things with this added stress it grows right and the weird thing that i'm hearing from nationally and from my neighbors is the people are the weapon in this deal right it's who's where's this going to come from and is there going to be a spike and is that guy going to make me sick and that lady in the store just coughed and so it's this weird it's kind of like being on the moon it's just where all the

stores are back open and we're all back in the stores but everyone's kind of looking around and so you got a default to be an extra kind and going out of your way to waving especially people got masks on you can't see if someone's smiling. It's just different. It's unique. Yeah. Everybody looks like a bank robber. I think that's the way some of our brains are responding. Yeah, it is.

We've been trained our whole life that a mask means something. And so now it means something different. Yeah, we get to put on our grown-up pairs of pants these days and decide I'm going to be kind to this person because my brain is telling me, look out. My brain is telling me my heart rate to get up a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. And that makes it hard to make those decisions.

Have you been out and about? Oh, of course. I've been to work every day. I mean, we were in skeleton crew here before we brought the team back Monday. And I've been out to restaurants and everything else. I really haven't changed a whole lot except i'm not allowed to travel and i'm not allowed to come to some places aren't open that i would normally go to but um but and you know and some things are adapted but i'm

not um you know even down to uh you know i do a two and a half mile hike almost every morning over in a park in our area and there's people coming up the path towards you, and some of them are just like, hey, you know, whatever, and others go off and head off into the woods and stand there and look at you as you go by. As though you're a deer walking on the path. Yeah, and I'm like, or a tiger, worse. A deer you wouldn't bother with.

But, I mean, I always just yell hey to them too, you know, but it's just I, and I try to, you know but it's just i and i try to you know if they're trapped i try to give them room because i know they're concerned about it so just be kind to somebody else that's where they are where i am as i'm going for a walk so how do you how do you balance hospitality versus what i would say reality and because i'm wrestling with that too do i look at the data and the science and what the scientists are saying which is one thing or which set do i right um which coin they're flipping or do i just wear a mask and move out of the way because it's going to make this person who's walking towards me right well i'm just

judging where they are i mean like you know i had some folks at the house the other night and you know one lady you know was elbow bumping and another lady's like full-on hugs. So whatever. I mean, I'll meet you where you are is what I'm doing. And I'm going to respect where you are. And just give you permission to be where you are. And you get to give me permission to be where I am. I think we call that tolerance. If the country will all do that, we're going to be all right.

If we will all open up this country with that attitude. I mean, if you don't want to going to be all right. Yeah. If we will all open up this country with that attitude. Yeah. I mean, if you don't want to come to a place, I understand. Yeah. And if I do, you need to understand. Fair enough. You know, that's... And if you come at me elbow first, I'm going to elbow you.

Yeah. And if you come at me hug and I don't want to hug you... Then I'm just going to go, no, I'm not doing that. And that's cool. That's all the... She wasn't mean or angry. She just said, I'm not doing that. I got grandbabies and wasn't mean or angry. She just said, I'm not doing that. I got grandbabies, and I'm trying to stay where I can see them and all that.

Cool. I understand. I understand. What a gift. I love that. I love that. I love that balance of hospitality and then moving forward. It's just good.

It's actually just respecting other people. That's all it is. What a novel idea. And I don't need to look across the street and see what my neighbor's doing and bother him. He can do what he wants. He's over there. I don't need to call the police on him. I don't need to not call the police on him.

I don't need to even worry about him. It's his deal. I can just, I got a full-time job taking care of this one little bald guy. It's a big job. So one of the things you say a lot around here is we're just um we're we're giving grandma's wisdom to the masses and how many times did my grandma say john you take care of you when i'd go tattle when i was four right or when i was nine john you go take care of you i got some grand babies i got one that's a tattletale right now she's in that tattletale zone she's like you don't

come in here tell me that why not papa davidson it's right you're you're not the judge you're not the jury you're not in charge of justice and you're not gonna get me to be in charge of justice just go deal with it it's all right so you may go back to the playroom and hit them i don't know but yeah but but the crazy wisdom of be respectful be hospitable and uh you take care of you and it's okay and i don't have to i don't have to make fun of you or be mad at you for where you are no it's tempting that's my baggage to carry it's tempting but i don't have to do that and so but you know so i you know we we the state of tennessee has opened and our um office opened on monday we opened voluntarily the week before for

our team our team was asked to come back unless they've got special circumstances now. And, you know, by and large, we've had a wonderful week around here in terms of the way people have treated each other. And they're happy to be out of their nuclear caves and back at work. And nuclear winter is out here, you know. It's weird not it took it took a day or two for folks to even just get used to being around other people again you know it was kind of it was kind of a weird vibe for the first hour or two back in the building so to speak and uh and but you know i tweet that and then i get hate stuff all over social media i'm trying to kill my employees and some of you people are just idiots.

I mean, really. It's just, good Lord. Did your parents raise one smart one? But it wasn't you. But, I mean, golly. You know, so. But obviously, if somebody's ill here, they don't need to be here. Or if they're immune deficient, they don't need to be here.

We're fine with that. Those are special circumstances. Right now, they've got a lot of child care. I've got more people out for child care problems well and just the fact that y'all that us this company is having that conversation if you're stuck in a child care situation irony of ironies while i'm trying to kill my employees we win best place to work in the nation one inks magazine what an incredible company our size on Inc. Magazine's ratings. And so, you know, I guess some of you are wrong. It's pleasant until you kill us, D.

Yeah, that's it. It was a great place to work before I died. But it's just, you know, I understand. And there's some real, you know, real things you learn about the human spirit through this process. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, co-hosting with me today on The Dave Ramsey Show. Your questions about behavior, boundaries, money. We're going to get there, baby. We're going to do it all.

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Grip 6 is determined to help build and modernize American manufacturing. To learn more and get this month's Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIP6.com. That's GRIP6.com. Samantha's in Texas. Hi, Samantha. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thank you for answering my call. Sure.

How can John and I help? I'm calling because I'm getting married in October, hopefully. Yay! Congratulations. Thank you. I'm calling because I have about $37,000 in my savings, and I don't really have any bills. I still live at home.

I just have my car note. That would be a bill. Oh, yeah, but. How much do you owe on your car? Well, it's a three-year lease, and I only pay $300 a month. Mm-hmm. Okay, so you got fleeced. All right.

That fleece. Yeah. I was planning on purchasing after my lease is over. Mm-hmm. And I'm going to school. I have about two years left, so I wanted to know what to do with my savings if I should. Are you paying for school? I was going to use the cash that i have

okay i'm so thinking about saving about 15 leave aside to leave for school and then the rest i'm not sure if i should put that towards our future home he has school debt as well okay well you don't pay his debt until the ring is on the finger and you're back from the honeymoon. You don't pay people's debt you're not married to yet. So $15,000 gets you through school. Who's paying for the wedding? He is, and our family is helping. And he's got debt.

He does have school debt that he hasn't touched in a couple years how much 40 grand what does he make and we both i mean yeah he makes maybe about 35 to 40 depending and what do you make the same okay so you're gonna have an eighty thousand dollar household income when you get married you will have twenty two thousand dollars in the bank that is left over from the 37 after you pull 15 out for your school and you have a car lease and he has a forty thousand dollar debt right yeah this is what it looks like when you get married in October if you don't do anything between now and then. Are you going to pay cash for the wedding? Yes.

Yeah. Good point. Okay. So we've got to get you out of the car lease, and we've got to get his loan paid off. That's our next thing as soon as – and you both can start working on those now. Once he's got wedding funded, anything above that, he can start working on his debt. And you, once you've got school funded, anything above that, we need to use to get out of this car lease and get you a car that you own instead of a three-year rental.

You are renting your car. Bad idea. And so you said it's $300 a month, and you've got two and a half years left on it, three years left on it? I have a year and a half left. Oh, a year and a half. Yes. Okay.

Yeah, the numbers aren't going to work very well with that much left on it. It's not much left. So it's $3,600. It's $4,000 gets you through the end of the lease. Okay. So here's got to be your plan then um at the end of the lease you're either going to pay cash and buy that car because there's a buyout clause at the end of the lease if you want to buy it uh do you think that's what you'll do or do you think you'll

turn it in my plan in the beginning was to purchase after the lease was over. I did the lease because the interest was going to be extremely high for me since I didn't have any credit, so that's why I started out that way. In the future, you pay cash for cars or you don't buy them? No, yes. Car payments will always keep you from being wealthy. They're the largest thing we buy that goes down in value. So we've got to get you to that point. So do you know what the residual value of the car is yet,

what the buyout at the end of the lease is? It's stated in the contract. Do you have to know what it is? It is $13,000. Okay. So if you're going to buy that car, you need $13,000 left over, right? Yes. And you need $15,000 for your school.

That got me to $28,000 out of $37,000, which means you've got $9, nine left to put on his student loans after you get back from the honeymoon so something about like that is probably going to be your plan is that making sense to you it is yes all i'm doing is making every one of these dollars giving every one of them an assignment that both of you have and so if you throw 10 at his 40 he's got 30 and you pay you pay cash to buy the car out at $13,000 at the end of a year and a half, which is going to put you a year into your marriage before the car is gone, then you guys are just attacking his student loan like crazy when you get back from the honeymoon.

And very, very cool stuff. All right, Sydney's with us in Nevada. Hi, Sydney. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Your question for Dr. John. Hi, how are you guys? Great. How can we help?

Okay, so I'm in a little bit of a sticky situation. So I'm in my mid-20s. I live in Nevada. I go to a four-year public university in Reno, and I still live with my parents. So my parents' biggest goal for me is to not to worry about any bills, just pay through school as much as you can, and they'll take care of the rest. So my dad and I, we've been bunting hands since I was a teenager. I've noticed that it's been getting progressively worse. You know, whenever he gets angry at me, he cusses me out.

He's always, you know, threatening me to kick out, you know, you know, I need to find, you know, another place to stay. He's always said I'm ungrateful. He even called me the B word before. And I'm just getting really tired of it. You know, it's, you know, I've been listening to Dave Ramsey for a few years now. I know he is a big advocate for not taking student loan debts or anything like that. But it's to the point now, it's like, I'd rather just take out a loan and just get on my own instead of constantly being verbally abusive. I'm nothing. So I'm just tired. I don't know what to do. I, you know, I talk to my grandparents and they're just saying, you know, just basically suck it up.

You know, like you can't afford to live on your own you know I'm just I'm in a catch-22 I really need help so that's my question for the day is what should I do? So you you number one I want to thank you for your bravery and calling and I know that that's that's a hard thing to do and you have to look in the mirror and say, the one guy on planet Earth who was assigned to treat me right is not. Right? And so... I mean, I'm sorry. No, go ahead, go ahead.

It's mixed emotions, too, you know. You cuss at me, yell at me, and then the next day he pretends like nothing happened. Yeah, that's what a bully does. It's mixed emotions. That's what a jerk does, and that's what a bully does. And so what I want you to hear me say is you're going to create a boundary and you're going to create a plan to walk away from that because no one gets to talk to you that way

because you're worth more than that. And so here's what we're going to do. You gave me two plans, which is either go to school and take out a loan or to stay at home and be treated this way and have your school paid for. What I want to tell you, there's a third option, which is you may have to take a minute, whether it's a semester or whether it's a semester and a summer term, and save up some money and get a job where you can earn some cash and then get a small apartment. And it may be that you're going to transfer schools. There's all kinds of alternative plans.

When you're in your mid-20s that every semester feels like a hundred years and so as an old guy here i want you to know i have started and stopped more semesters i think i started four or five different graduate degrees and switched and changed so when you're old and you're married and you got two wackity little kids running around and you're laughing and smiling, which is going to be the trajectory for you. I want you to also not get, not lose sight of the future here over a semester, over nine months. Is that fair? Right. Yeah, that's fair. You do have to put some paper, a pen to a paper and make a plan, make a decision and make a plan and put an exit strategy for yourself.

What year of school are you in? I'm a sophomore. The major that I'm trying to pursue, they were saying that it takes about five years. And you're studying bull crap. And you're studying what? Supply chain management. It's not a five-year degree. It's a four-year degree.

That's just everybody takes five because they're lazy and they don't have a plan. But I got to tell you, I got lots of supply chain guys on our team they got their degrees in four years as a matter of fact if you're studying supply chain you ought to be able to execute a plan that kind of part of it so it's good practice but anyway it's just good practice but anyway aside from that you're halfway through and so here's what you do Your first money goal is to create an income that you can live on. Your second money goal, and you need to map that out exactly like John said so you can leave. Your second money goal is to create additional income on top of living that allows you to go to school. The second goal might mean you take a semester off. What John's saying.

And that's better. Quitting school and never going back is better than what you're doing right now. That's right. No school, preschool is worth what you're going through. Absolutely. There's no abuse scholarship out there. Nope. And you've got to.

Yeah. Business leaders make your life easier with FreshBooks. Whether you're starting a business or you've been at it a long time, FreshBooks is one of the smartest decisions you'll make this year. FreshBooks is an accounting software designed for people like you that lets you do the things like automate your invoicing and your online payments so you get more time to work on your business. Try FreshBooks for 30 days free at freshbooks.com slash Dave Ramsey. co-hosting with me today dr john deloney dr john's here to answer your questions about

relationships and mental health issues especially during these trying times. And we're here to talk about your money as well. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We always talk about life and money, and that's what we do here. So thanks for joining us. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Rafael is with us in Pennsylvania. Hi, Rafael.

How are you? Hello, Dave. How are you today? Better than I deserve. What's up? I have a question. I'm on baby step two right now. We've kind of done the Ramsey-ish in the past, and after everything that's been going on,

we've really been trying to buckle on to our finances because there was no worse feeling than, you know, the day that things were shutting down and I'm watching the market crash and I'm just in total panic about all the debt that I had. So me being, um, I'm, I'm a disabled veteran. Um, you know, my, my, my money comes from the government and I have a bunch of debt that I'm trying to get rid of. And I feel like I can achieve it with the Ramsey program. But more importantly, if I can get rid of, I have these, I have a truck, a van, and a camper that are out in my driveway. And they've all been recently purchased with all within the last two years or so. And I'm wondering, is there a way that I can sell my vehicles and get the title even though I'm upside down on it?

Like, how can I achieve that? I mean, that's my main question for you. You have to cover the difference okay so let's talk let's talk for instance about the truck okay the truck the truck is worth what probably 25 i have 34 on it okay so you're nine in the hole in in this example, right? And who did you borrow the money from? Capital One. Okay. On a local branch or just national and it was set up through the dealer?

It was set up through the dealer. Okay. All right. You're probably going to have trouble getting any help from them. Sometimes the lender you borrowed it from will let you sign a note for the $9,000 difference, give you the title for the other $25,000 that you get from the buyer,

and you hand the title to the buyer. And that's how a typical deal works. If Capital One won't do that, then you've got to cover that $9,000 with borrowed money or saved money. Okay. But I'd rather you be $9,000 in debt than $34,000 in debt. Okay. So you think taking out be $9,000 in debt than $34,000 in debt. Okay. So you think taking out a personal loan would cover the difference?

Yep. Really? Oh, yeah, really. Wouldn't you rather be $9,000 in debt than $34,000? I wouldn't. Same thing on the camper. I just didn't expect that answer from you. Well, I mean, you're not borrowing money.

You're already $34,000 in debt. We're just borrowing. I mean, we're borrowing. We're moving some $9,000 of it into a different kind of debt and reducing it by $25,000 in our example. So that's an answer that's very consistent with what we teach. Same thing with the camper. Same thing with the other car. What's the other car worth? Probably $9,000, and I owe $14,000 on it.

Okay. What about the camper? The camper I just bought last year. I bought it for $20,000. I don't know how they depreciate it. I bought it a 2020 year, so I don't know what that matters. They depreciate fast. Really fast.

The only year I can only get rid of it and be able to get the most out of it. Yeah, you need to get rid of it fast. You may want to keep the other car. What's your household income? $64,000, which is me. get the most out of it yeah you need to get rid of it fast you may want to keep the other car what's your household income uh 64 000 yeah that's me yeah this is what she doesn't work um she she wasn't she's been a nurse for 14 years and does she work or not no she doesn't she's in school right now okay that's cool i'm just trying to figure out what your income is because you said just me and i didn't not allowing you to keep your finances separate either. Yeah, so here's the deal, dude.

You have stupid piled up in your driveway. A lot of it. I mean, look at these numbers. $34,000 and $20,000 is $54,000, and you make 64,000. Unless you're going to live in this camper, this was really dumb. It's got to go. I'll probably keep in her car. But your truck and your camper are insanity.

And so you said you were doing ish? No, you weren't. You weren't even close to ish. You were all the way on the other side of the field. And we're going to reel you over here because you don't like the feeling and i'm with you brother i'll help you but part of me helping you is we have to go okay i'm not doing that crap anymore because it's destroyed my life you've been doing this for 30 years is there anything that gets people to move from a to b without a so everything falling apart around them?

Yeah, sometimes they just get disgusted. You don't have to have a heart attack to decide to lose weight. You can just get tired of your pants not fitting. Right. I want everybody to hear that one call and just go, yeah, you're right. That's really ridiculous. We have $100,000 or $70,000 worth of toys in the driveway, and I only make $65,000. Here's what's interesting, okay? Just stop.

Think about this and do this as an exercise, folks. Because I noticed this the other day. We were going to some friend's house, and we drove into this neighborhood, and these are nice houses, but they're middle-class houses. And the cars in the driveway down through this neighborhood were worth almost as much as the houses as you know i'm adding up there's okay there sits a mastercraft boat that's 110 000 sits a rain rover and there sits a lexus and you add those three things together compared to their house and then the weird thing is you go into a a home an area where the homes are maybe

worth twice that and you see a used Lexus sitting there. Or you see a Ford Explorer or a Camry. Yeah, because they don't care what you think about what they drive. You know, and it's like, this is what we talk about. You do rich people stuff, so watch what rich people do. They drive used cars until they're uber wealthy. You know, if you've got $10 million or more and you want to buy something super fancy, that's fine. But drive like no one else so later you can drive like no one else.

And make sure the ratio of the car that's in your driveway to your income, the ratio of the cars that are in your driveway to your home, doesn't make you look like a poor person with payments. Because when I drove through that neighborhood, that first neighborhood I'm talking about, I saw payments. When I drove through other neighborhood there were i didn't see payments and i want i want folks to know that when you cannot cover up what you see in the mirror with a range rover that you drive about 45 minutes a day right yeah 30 minutes this way and 15 minutes on the way back or whatever the If you have friends or a date or people that are impressed by,

that are close to you, what you drive, you have the wrong date, the wrong friends, and the wrong people. Hey, I knew my wife loved me for me because my 88 Tercel EZ hatchback that both of us could barely fit in. No one was questioning that. Tina's with us in D.C. Hi, Tina. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show.

Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call sure your question for dr john okay i have a brother who's 49 years old he's on dialysis which takes three to four hours about four times a week he used to live with my mom until a month ago when she passed away. And when he lived with her, I would occasionally help them out financially. He is on disability. He gets well over $600 a month. He is married. His wife works inconsistently. They're a one-car family, and they have an 18-year-old who lives with them. So when they had to move out of my mom's apartment because the lease was done and it was in her name,

I actually paid for a week for them at a hotel, like a real cheapo kind of place. And I told them I was done. I wasn't helping anymore because I felt like they didn't try to help themselves when they had a free place to stay for years. But at the same time, you know, I miss my mom. I am financially okay. I can help. But to me, that kind of help is like, okay, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, and your car breaks down, and you need your car to get to work.

So I help you get it repaired. And you go back on with your life. But they just can't keep it together. And it's just heart-wrenching because he really doesn't, he's probably not going to live a long life. I mean, he's probably got another year or two. Tina, I'm sorry about your mom. Thank you. And I know that's heavy.

Let's hold over to the break, and we'll talk through this when we get back. Yeah, we're coming into a commercial break here, And we want to make sure we give you a good answer Not a 15 second one There's too much going on here So, hey, God bless you, kiddo Hang with us, we'll be right back This is Dr. John and Dave Ramsey On The Dave Ramsey Show Thank you. Business leaders now more than ever, we need people with the right skills to support our communities,

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slash ramsey linkedin.com slash ramsey terms and conditions apply Dr. John Deloney co-hosting with me today on The Dave Ramsey Show. We're talking with Tina in D.C. And her brother, her mom just passed away and her brother's on dialysis. And his family with his 18-year-old son and his wife not working much, are struggling financially and continually coming to her, and she occasionally helps. Is that a fair summary of what you told us, Tina? Yes. Okay.

Tina, does your brother have any other kids? Is it just the one 18-year-old? He has two others, and they have found a way to make life work. They're better adults at adulting than he and his wife are. So a couple of things Dave and I were talking about through the break. I think first and foremost for you is to make sure that your grieving process, the way you find meaning in this grief, is not going to be floating somebody else's bad decisions or somebody else's bad behavior, which is different from being sick.

And I hope that you catch the nuance there. Does that make sense? Yes, because he had financial problems before he was sick. I do. And the temptation for all of us is when we are reeling from grief, you just left your mom. You mentioned that your brother may have 12 months, may have 18 months. The temptation is going to try to swoop in and try to save this thing and try to be the hero here. And, man, if we don't have some clear boundaries on our end, we can find ourselves so overextended and then just in a big mess.

And so Dave mentioned some great things off the year thinking about, we'll give you a financial peace university and you sit down with them and say, hey, here's, I'll be able to help you this much money at this time when you finish this plan. We're going to give you a carrot here and then we're going to support you here. But it all comes back to you creating really healthy boundaries for yourself, knowing that you're not in a good place right now because your mom just passed away and you're looking at grieving the loss of your brother communicate that in a loving way like i want to maintain the relationships i have with him and his children yeah that's a choice that they have to make too what what i what i have done in these situations

is i just sit down and i lead with um i love you and your you know mom's loss is breaking my heart, and your health is breaking my heart. And also, your choices with money are something I can't support. So here's the thing. I can help you guys financially only if you are taking steps that are going to heal your finances. I cannot be giving a drunk a drink because that's not me loving you well. I love you too much to participate in your misbehavior with money by giving you money so you can misbehave. But if you'll do some things and start to make some steps through healing this, go to this class, I'll pay for it. And I'll, you know, as soon as you complete that,

you know, I'm going to give you $1,000. But I'm not going to just randomly give you money. Oh, and by the way, you guys, the 18 year old and the wife have got to get a job immediately. And if you're unwilling to do those things, I still love you. But you need to know I can't give you money if you're unwilling to work and you're unwilling to work on your money management skills because that's enabling. And, Tina, you've got to be prepared for them to not be able to hear that. Yeah. There's a high probability they're only going to get angry.

All you care about is money. You don't care about us. Now that mom's gone, you're not a good Christian. All that stuff. Yeah. So connection goes two ways. I always feel like my brother, he won't say that. He'll just emotionally kind of shut down.

And he's not emotionally strong enough and never has been to get his wife to do the things she needs to be doing. And so they've never had to. They've never had to. They lived rent free. You help step in and help. They've never had to do that. Pouting is not going to work but you can't carry that pain you can't carry that burden what you have to come to the table with is a clear plan for yourself and your heart and say here's who i'm going to be and i'm going to love you the problem is and i say this all the time but it's something

i personally have walked through the problem is when people that are grown-ups are doing stupid things you have to admit stupid is not illegal you can't make them stop and it just it's hard it's hard but uh we'll i'll tell you what hold on kelly will pick up we'll pay for financial peace university but every time charity is i am participating in someone's healing enabling is i'm giving them money in spite of their bad behavior, and they're buying drugs with it. They're buying alcohol with it. I'm financing their misbehavior and their inability to face their things. So his wife needs to get a job.

The 18-year-old needs to get a job tomorrow, and they need to be on a written budget and be on a plan and be willing to show you all of that and by the way if they do all that they won't need you they won't need you they won't have they won't need you financially and tina's got to get a community get a friend get a pastor get somebody to work through the passing of her mom the slow you start to feel crazy when you're dealing with crazy. Yeah. If you don't have somebody out there going,

because we're sitting here saying, your assessment of the situation is accurate, and you need someone to tell you that after you have sit down with them because you're going to come away going, well, I'm just a mean person. You're just mean. I had somebody tell me that one. You're just mean. And I'm like, no, I'm not. But it's hard not to get in the car and think, did I handle that right?

Did I say the right thing? Am I mean? No, I'm not mean. And you set that on the death of your mom. That gets heavy. It gets heavy. It really does. Jimmy's with us in California.

Hi, Jimmy. How are you? Pretty good. Thank you for taking my call, Dave. Sure. What's up? Hey, so I have a fleece that is in the exactly final 12 months of that contract, of course. It's a pretty big one.

I actually rolled over a previously existing lease into that one, so made a mistake there when I was younger. My question to you is I have no other existing debt. I have my $1,000 emergency fund saved up. How much is the payment? $7,1801. A month? Yeah, a month. It's a big one.

$7,8001. Is it a chance? So what is the – have you got the early buyout on it yet? I did. It was a while back. I mean, I've just been watching my um i get my statement so overall i owe as of this month uh eight thousand three hundred that's just your remaining payments dude i'm talking about the early buyout to buy the car well it was today

i was in a pretty yeah i don't have that i was in a bad accident uh probably like a year after I got it. Call them. It's upside down. Well, no kidding. Call them and find out what the early buyout is. If I wanted to pay off the car and get the title today. Okay? Okay.

And here's the thing. You're going to hear, I don't know, this was a $60,000 vehicle or $70,000 vehicle? Exactly, $50,000. Yeah. okay. So you're going to hear the early buyout is $40,000. All right, I'm just making this up, okay? But something like that, okay? And if it's $40,000 or $45,000, let's call it $45,000.

That's probably closer. And so if it's $45,000 and then you look up the value of the car and the value of the car is $35,000, that leaves you $10,000 upside down. So if you sold the car today, you'd have to write a check for $10,000 to get away from it. Okay? You see how I did that analysis? Yeah. However, if you keep the car through the end of the lease and turn it in,

if you're not over on the miles, it only costs you the payments of $8,400 between now and the time you turn it in. And so if the difference in the buyout, if the amount you're upside down today, when you call and get the buyout and you go to Kelley Blue Book and get the actual value, and you look at that, if that difference is greater than $8,400, then you keep the car through the end through the lease and turn it in. Okay. Because if you're going to pay $8,000, you're going to pay $10,000 to get rid of it.

You might as well pay $8,000 and drive it. Even if I check out, let's say, a personal loan of $10,000? Yeah, because you're $10,000 in the hole one way. The other way, you're $8,000 in the hole. I see. And if I'm going to give up $8,000 or $10,000, and one way I get to drive the car for free, in a sense, for a year. Yeah.

Might as well. Might as well. And it's a nice car, obviously, but stupid. Yeah, you have to, for the last eight payments, you have to write, because I didn't have a brain. You've got to write yourself a note. In the four columns. Stupid.

Stupid tax in the four column on the check. So Dr. John Deloney is with us. Be sure and check him out at DaveRamsey.com. He's got an article posted there dealing with the disappointment of canceled plans. And he's got great videos popping up on YouTube. How much media consumption is too much. How to communicate well? And are you giving other people permission to hurt you?

This is all showing up at Dr. John Deloney on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram. You can follow him there. This is the Dave Ramsey Solutions wants to give you some hope. For the very first time ever, we're giving you Financial Peace University free for 14 days. Go to DaveRamsey.com slash hope so you can watch from home.