The Ramsey Show - App - Getting Clarity Around Your Money Changes Everything

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

🤔 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Think you’re good with money? Take our Money in America quiz!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ While we are out for Christmas break, we've compiled some of our favorite Rachel and George calls from the past two years. We'll be back with a live show in the new year! George Kamel & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss: Was I right to break off my engagement because of bad money habits? Should I apply for my first credit card? Wait to get married to graduate debt-free? My mother expects my brother and me to take care of her financially in her old age. I'm $90,000 in debt and I'm struggling to cut back my expenses. How do I get out of foreclosure? Is it moral to ask my wife to pay off my debt? Next Steps:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ✔️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Help us make the show better. Please take this short survey.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 weekdays from 2–5 p.m. ET or⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠send us an email⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🏠 ⁠Find a Ramsey Trusted Real Estate Agent⁠ 💵 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Start your free budget today by downloading the EveryDollar app⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📘 ⁠Preorder What No One Tells You About Money today now and get $100+ in bonus items ⁠ Connect With Our Sponsors: Stop paying more and start shopping smarter at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ALDI⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Amazon is making it easier than ever to find top gifts at amazing prices this season in the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Holiday Shop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Get 10% off your first month of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ BetterHelp⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Boost Mobile⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to switch today! Go to⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Casper Sleep⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and use promo code RAMSEY to learn more. Learn more about⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Christian Healthcare Ministries⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Get started today with⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Churchill Mortgage⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Get 20% off when you join ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠DeleteMe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Go to⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FAIRWINDS Credit Union⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for an exclusive account bundle! Debt collectors hassling you? Take back control of your life at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Guardian Litigation Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find top health insurance plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Health Trust Financial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Use code RAMSEY to save 20% at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mama Bear Legal Forms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ NetSuite⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ today to learn more. For more information, go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SimpliSafe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Get started with ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YRefy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or call 844-2-RAMSEY. Visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Zander Insurance⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for your free instant quote today! Explore more from Ramsey Network: 💸 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Ramsey Show Highlights⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🧠 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Dr. John Delony Show⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🍸 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Smart Money Happy Hour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💡 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Rachel Cruze Show⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💰 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠George Kamel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🪑 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 📈 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠EntreLeadership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy⁠

Hey, before we get rolling, listen up, if you want to win with money in 2026, you can't keep living normal. Normal's broke. You need a plan. Get a personalized plan and start living like no one else by downloading our every dollar app today. Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fairwinds Credit Union studio, this is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, joined by Jade Warshaw this hour.

The number to call is AAA8-825-2-2-25. It's your show. We're here to help you take the right next step for your life and your money. Brianna is with us in Minneapolis. Brianna, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for having me today. yeah absolutely how can we help um so i just have a question for you guys um so was i right to break off my engagement because of long-term money issues and bad spending habits i've always been

disciplined with saving and planning for money but he struggled with over spending and staying employed now that he's moved out i've taken on full financial responsibilities myself how can i stay on top of my bills while saving and protecting my future ooh that was like 20 20 things in one okay we'll tackle the first part first so um were you right to break this off because of red flags that were not attended to that he clearly this was a value you had and this is a value every woman has is if I'm going to marry some guy he's got to be able to do at least two things provide and protect right that's the reason why we find a mate primally speaking and you're saying he can't provide for the future this was red

flags that this guy can't hold a job he's going to continually go into debt put us in a financial bind therefore I'm out. And essentially he opted out of this engagement by continuing these habits that you made clear. Am I hearing that right? Yes, that's correct. Wow. I mean, that's your choice. That's your prerogative. I say bullet dodged because it's either this or a divorce later on. I'd rather, you know, nip it in the bud while we can. Yeah, so many people, I would really, I mean, I wasn't there. I'm just going by what you said. But based on what you said, I would applaud you for it because so many people ignore red flags because you get so far down the line, it's like, can't turn back now and it's kind of like a sunk cost thing or scarier they go well he'll change once

we're married well never going to happen okay now if he called into the show briana what would he say if he were to defend his honor you know i i would say that he's always tried to maintain a job but it's just never worked out before i previously knew him he was employed for seven years doing software sales and now he just can't ever since i got together with him he can't hold a job just because the market's been so unsteady. And how long was the entire thing? How long was the dating and then the engagement? Total everything was about two and a half years.

Listen, I think that's long enough to get a read on the situation. It's not like this was super fast. I think that, again, I wasn't there, but you made the choice. You had enough time to see a track record. And you seem like your thoughts are composed. So I'm going to ride with you on this because you are the one telling us your side of it, and it makes sense to me. Now, he could call in and say something different, but still at the end of the day, it's your choice.

Yeah, thank you. So what's the second part of the question? Yeah, so I would like to be able to better, now that I've taken on, I've asked him to move out. I've taken on full financial responsibility of like paying our rent. And then while we were together, I purchased a car because I was able to make up that payment with having him here. Now that I have taken on, Brioni, you went into debt. during the engagement?

Yes, and that was primarily because he kept telling me that I needed a new car. What were you driving before? I was driving a Nissan Ultima that needed quite a bit of maintenance. Got you. And what did you get? What did you? I got a 2025 Mazda CX70. What do you owe?

I owe about 50 on that. Shoot. What do you make? I make about $100,000 a year. That's a lot. lot of car even for your income. Is that your only debt or you have more? I have about 15 grand in student loans and then I have like two grand in credit card debt, but that's it. Okay, here's my thing, Brianna. I was really team Brianna and now the more I hear you, the more I go, I'm not sure

you believe in your own principles because you wanted this guy to clean up his act financially while you were an accomplice to the crimes. So it's like, how am I supposed to take you seriously if I'm the fiance, going, you really need to get better with your spending habits. And then I'm over here financing a $50,000 car. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's difficult because he drives a BMW X-4-M competition. So it was just like it's terrible to get a nice car.

So you're trying to keep up with him and it's his fault. Yeah. But wait, wait. It does seem like though it was more. Can I, I'm a ride on the fence on this. I hear what George is saying and he is not wrong. But the other part is I feel like you were more on the, why doesn't he have a job regularly side of things? Is that? The fact that it, will this guy be employed

or will he be sitting on my couch all day when I come home? Is that, did I get that right? Yeah. And that's kind of what it had been before, too. So that's why it asked him to move out. Because to your, I am playing devil's advocate here. I'm just, I'm just letting you know. She got me riled up. That's all I'm saying. She got a plank in her eye and she's looking at the spec and his. Because here's the thing. There are plenty of people in the world who are fine with debt. We know that. We don't agree with that. But plenty of people are like, yeah, I got my card note, my credit card. For a lot of people, that's not the problem. The problem is when you have somebody who's not working and seems like they might not be able to hold a job

and seems like they might be a tad bit lazy, I could see how that's a bigger red flag to you in the grand scheme of things. That being said, you can't be the, what is it, the pot call in the kettle black? Black. Yeah. No, I see both sides. I think you are right to break off the engagement. and I think we need to accept a little more responsibility that we weren't quite the angel that we maybe made ourselves out to be. And he's the devil here. I think both of you had bad money habits. Both of you struggled with money moves. And you were looking to him to be a leader and guide you, and he couldn't do that. He was in a place of weakness too. And so it's hard to fault him for that as much as I went back, well, this guy's trash and you should. I think you both have some things to work on. Can we agree? Yes. No, I completely agree. And I hope that if this is a value you have, I want someone who can provide for me. I don't think that means I want someone who can float my lifestyle no matter what and afford a payment. I want you to reframe this and go, how can I put myself in such a good financial position?

Then when I do meet the right guy, we are building wealth together instead of just making stupid decisions together. And there's part of this where if, let's say you, you know, you've broken it off. You guys have gone your separate ways. If it's meant to be, you could go get back together. Like you could give him a, that could have been the kick in the butt that he needed to go out and really show and prove who he's going to be because the truth is you've just never seen it. And it's hard to, like you want to see. You don't want all the talking. You want somebody to be about it. I love that Jade is not giving up on love here. Is there a shot this could still work, Brian? Or is this like long gone? You know, we've tried to make it work. We still like, right, sometimes see each other and stuff. But it's just, I don't see any motivation from him to want to be better. He's, determined to get a job that's been in the process of about six weeks now, and he still hasn't been doing any kind of work? No.

What's he doing all day? I mean, you live with the guy. I think you better cut it loose. Aye, aye, aye. Well, the writing was on the wall, Brianna. And the good news is you're going to be real busy cleaning up this mess of your own for a while. And I think you also, we need to own up to the fact that we made a lot of decisions that were co-dependent and hinging on someone

we weren't married to. I can make the rent as long as he pays. I can make the payment as long as he's in my life. And I think all of that is why we tell people never combine financial lives or, for that matter, physical lives living together before you're married. It just gets too messy because this could be on the

other side. And yeah, now you're going to feel that being the only one covering that rent. Yeah, I'm wishing you the best as you clean this up. Personally, I would sell that car as soon as possible. I wouldn't even work on paying it off. I would get rid of it. There's no reason you need to be driving a $50,000 car walking out of this mess. So best of luck to you, Brianna. Hey, it's Dave Ramsey.

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control in today's online world it's not a matter of if but when zander's plan is comprehensive affordable and you can even give it as a gift so protect your family and support a powerful mission this christmas go to zander dot com or call 800 356 4282 that's zander dot com Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, joined by Jade Warshaw. The number to call is AAA 825-5-2-25. Don't be scared. You can't DM.

You got to call in. It's the only way, my Gen Z friends. I know. It's uncomfortable to call on a phone, but they still do that. You can't text in. One day, we'll get there. That'll be like our Patreon edition. That'll be fun.

All right, Gabrielle is on the line in Detroit. Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you. My question is, should I apply for my first credit card so I don't have to continue paying for everything in cash? No. Where is this coming from? So right now you're paying for everything with actual physical dollars?

Cash, I mean, as in, we'll get that in just money in my bank account. Like your own money. Okay. And so what is your fear with using your own money from your own bank account with a debit card? I guess, I mean, I know that a credit card can help me build my credit. I do have other lines of credit open, just not a credit card. And also, I guess sometimes it's going to sound silly, but it's kind of hard to let go of some cash all at once. So the idea of paying it in increments by the due date is somewhat appealing.

What if I told you that that is, that's your body saying, Don't make a stupid decision. When you say letting go of a lot of money at once, what would be the purchase here? I don't have anything in particular, just my day-to-day transaction. So things like groceries, gas, maybe like a leisurely item here and there. So you'd rather lump it all into one giant mountain, and then 30 days later have that come out of your account if you're lucky? I guess not. That's even scarier to me because I've been there.

I was that guy who opened the credit card to build the credit, who racked up a bunch of debt on there and the balance carried. So I'm telling you, as a guy who did this, you don't want to do this. How old are you? I'm 24. Okay. Have you ever had a credit card? No.

Wow. And you've survived to tell the tale. I just think it's interesting. Okay, our screen says, I don't want to pay for everything in cash, which kind of feels a little bit like it doesn't feel. feel like it's as much of a credit card and building, is it for building credit or is there something else behind this? Like, are you, I'm just trying to understand because this might sound simple, but in my mind, I'm thinking if I want to buy something, I should use my money to

buy it. That's the whole purpose of working is so that you have money to purchase the things that you want and need and you feel purpose in doing that. And so I, there's part of me that kind of feels like credit cards take away that feeling of satisfaction. I've worked. The money I've earned is good enough for me and I can use that money to make my purchases. Where does that bother you? I'm trying to understand kind of your take on this. Like I said, I guess just, you know, people always tell me that you should have a credit card to build your credit. I don't know if I should need that just my friends and family are your friends outstandingly wealthy that you look up to them and go i want to be them when i grow up um not exactly so there's one reason to not listen to them

there's there's a there's a foundational difference here and so where george and i are coming from is we're i mean you might be new to this show but everyone here is kind of of the mind not kind of we are of the mind that we don't need or rely on credit at all for our lives because like i said before we have jobs, our jobs earn money, and we've learned to live on the money that we earn. And when we do that, we keep ourselves out of debt and we keep ourselves out of risk in general in life because we're just using and spending the money that we have. We're using that money to pay for our day-to-day needs. We're using that money to save up emergency funds so that we don't need to rely on credit cards. And so that's where George and I are approaching this. And it

sounds like some of the people that you've been talking to have a different view of life. And their view of life is your money is not enough. And so you have to get credit because they can give you the money you need to have the lifestyle you want. And the only way to get credit is if you can have debt. And so it's this, it's this ping pong between debt and building credit and more debt and building credit. And when you do your life like that, you're just constantly caught in that limbo. You're never debt free and you're never actually living on the money that you earn and you're in this constant state of risk to play that game when you don't have to. that's understandable i appreciate you're sharing that you know and i want to take it a step further

and george can help me with this because i think gabriel what happens it's truly and i don't say this to be ugly to anybody i truly think a lot of people don't know and don't have the the education to understand you can buy cars without a credit score and you can get apartments without a credit score and you can buy homes without a credit score that's not taught in our culture i mean we're really the only one's talking about it over here at Ramsey Solutions. It's become controversial over time just to pay cash for things. Because when you pay cash for things, no one's really making any additional money off of you. So a lot of companies don't like that. They don't like that. We say this. And I kind of want you to hear that. Like, we're teaching you something that you can

live and be self-sustainable. And no one's constantly making money off you. Right? They're not making money off you on interest and payments and late fees. That's, that's really what this argument is about. You don't have to play that game. So I hope you hear that with a clear, you know, what is it, clear minds, clear hearts. Yes. Clear eyes, clear, clear eyes full hearts can't lose. Thank you, James. Thank you, James. Texas forever. I'm curious. You said you wanted this to build credit. Why do you feel like you need to build credit? I guess in case I ever needed a take like another loan out in the future because right now like I said I do have three other lines of credit open what are those lines of credit I have a mortgage a car loan in some student loans

okay and so your path is let's get more lines of credit to get more lines of credit to get more debt to get more lines of credit that seems to be the path I guess that's what I thought I should be doing well I'm trying to what I'm trying to do is unravel this to show you the the insanity that America has fallen into. And so when you really look at what credit scores are for, it's a magic number that was given to us by the credit gods to get us into more debt. And so when you decide, I'm done with debt, I don't want a car loan anymore. I don't want the student loan anymore. You no longer have a need for credit. And even when it comes to buying a house, I bought a house with no credit score. And we teach people, save up and pay for a car you can afford in cash.

And then you don't need credit because they don't check your credit score. when you pay cash. Because let's just play this out down the line, Gabriel. What happens if you do what you called in to do what you just say, you know what? I don't want to use my own money anymore. I'm going to use credit cards. What happens is each month you have a revolving balance. And if you're lucky, you pay it off. If you're not, you keep some of it there. And so you end up now with a card note, a student loan, and then credit cards. And my question for you was, what does that get you? If you do that, what are you getting out of this deal, besides debt? I guess the material item of whatever it was I purchased.

Which was probably not a wise purchase. And here's what I found. When you use someone else's money, you look at it differently. When you use your own money, you start to go, oh, crap, that's money leaving my bank account right now. Well, that's science, George. Like, that's actual, there's actual psychological studies on what happens when you use credit card that's plastic versus is credit card. That's your debit card versus cold hard cash. Your body becomes more and more removed from the process, the more and more it's removed from being actual money in your hand.

Even something like Apple pay, even though it's your money. But their tagline is cashless made effortless. They want to make spending so effortless. And here's what I found Gabrielle now for 10 years living with a debit card. When it hurts less, it costs more. You spend more. You're hoping you can make the payment. You're lucky to make the payment. I found when I use my debit card, I don't need hope or luck. I shouldn't actually pay attention to my money. And when I run out, I can't spend anymore. And to me, that is a great way to build wealth. And it adds really healthy guardrails. So that's why I'm recommending all of this to you. And I unpack all of this in the credit cards chapter of my new book, Breaking Free from Broke. I'm telling you,

you will want to take a shower after reading that chapter. I unpack the studies. I go through every objection that's in your mind. I'll show you how to live life outside of the credit card and credit score system. So hang on the line. Our team's going to pick up, and we will gift you breaking free from broke. You can choose audiobook, e-book, the hardcover copy, however you like to read. We want to make sure we get it into your ears or in your hands. Thank you so much for the call. Great question. Love your heart around this. And I hope we've convinced you to stay away from these gross companies. Because listen, Capital One's out here sponsoring the Taylor Swift Tour. We can't afford tickets to the Taylor Swift Tour. Who is winning here? It's not us. It's the

companies with the big buildings downtown. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Rachel Cruz. The holidays are here, which means family time and giving back and remembering what the season is all about. And let's be real. It also means shopping. Y'all, if you're anything like me, December gets really busy and really expensive. It's harder to stay in with your spending. And that's why I love shopping on Amazon, especially this time of year. Named the lowest priced U.S. online retailer for nine years running by Profitero, a third-party analytics and research firm. Amazon's prices are up to 14% lower across top categories and beat competitors by up to 5% in key gift categories. Between amazing deals, stress-free shopping,

and fast shipping, Amazon makes gift giving simpler, the holiday season a little brighter, and helps me keep my budget in check. That allows me to get back to enjoying the season. What more can a busy mom ask for? So for more information about Amazon's low prices and easy, affordable holiday shopping, head to Amazon today. You're listening to The Ramsey Show. Thanks for being here. I'm Jade Warshaw next to me as bestselling author, George Camel. Today's question of the day is brought to you by YREFI. If you're in over your head with private student loans and tired of getting calls from collection agencies, I know how that feels. You need YREFI. Why Refineases defaulted private student loans that other places won't touch. And they give you a low. fixed rate loan that's built for you. So go to yrefi.com slash Ramsey today. That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey. It may not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Peter in Wisconsin. My son let his home get to within 10 days of foreclosure before telling my

wife and me that they were in trouble. He has $350,000 in equity. I could not let this happen, so I paid the $35,000 that was owed, which made them current on their loan. I've explained to him and his wife they need to sell the house and get the equity out and start using the Ramsey plan to manage their money. Now they won't talk to me or my wife. Did I do the right thing and helping them out? Well, clearly not if it destroyed the relationship. I think it was well intended and a very sweet thing to do.

But the problem is they didn't seem to ever ask for your help or your opinion in these matters. And it all has to do with how you explained it. Were you like, look at what you did. You guys never should have been. You know, like that's different than explaining it in a better way. No, he seems like a wonderful person. I think it's, I think it's on them that, you know, they reacted this way because he said before telling my wife that they were in trouble.

So he came to him. Yeah. 10 days before foreclosing. This had clearly been going on for months. This foreclosure doesn't happen after one month of missing a payment. And he goes, hey, we're in trouble. So clearly he was looking for help by going to the parents letting them know about this problem. And so I think, truthfully, there's a lot of shame.

and guilt here. I think you're right. And now it's, it makes the relationship kind of like a business transaction where you, you come across like a lender. And now it's awkward because I need a daddy to swoop in and fix my mess. Well, they don't say that there is an interesting piece missing from this on whether or not the kids owe the 35,000 back to mom and dad. It doesn't sound like he wants or needs the money. So yeah, if he said, well, when I ask for the money, they stop talking to me. That would make more sense. Yeah. Versus a gift of like, hey, listen, I'm going to get you guys out of this bind, but you kind of please follow this plan. I bet it was a well-intended situation. But my worry is, if you didn't save

them, like, they're going to be right back in this mess. And so while I would love for them to follow the plan, I think they couldn't, they clearly could not afford the mortgage. Even getting them current on the loan doesn't solve their problem. That's why he's saying you guys need to sell the house, get the equity out, do this the right way. So my fear is, they end up right back here and go, Dad, I'm in a bind again. We're behind three months on payments because they didn't actually change their habits. Yeah. I agree with you, George.

Matter of fact, James, I think we need to add a segment where we show up at the people's door who did the question of the day and we can ask them more questions about their question. Call into the show and maybe we can talk more through it. It's a very interesting situation. It is. But did I do the right thing in helping them out? I think it was a noble thing to do. It's what, you know, personally, I love my daughter.

If she was in a bind, I would do anything for her. 100% yeah but again if she didn't ask for it I don't know but they asked he came to him with the problem my daughter knocks on my door and says hey we're on the brink of foreclosure I'm gonna do whatever I can to help them out yeah and then steer them to the plan so I don't know that I could have done anything differently yeah I mean it's different there's one thing it's kind of like you don't want to be an enabler like if it was a situation where this has been going on for a long time and helping them would be in a sense giving a drunk a drink or it's very possible that they just had a slurry of really tough things happen and it just resulted in this, you know,

foreclosure situation. And mom and dad were like, listen, we can help. You know, so more details are needed, but George, I think you're exactly right. I would have been like, hey, I'll give you the 35, but you guys are going to go through Financial Peace University tomorrow. Yeah. Matter fact, if you're going to go through every lesson. If we can send that to Peter to, to send to the son and daughter, that'd be great. We probably have his email, right, producer James? Okay, we'll try to. We'll give that to them as a gift and see if we can get them on track because I want to help them for the rest of their life, not one time in a bind. Yeah, that's good.

All right, we've got Ann in St. Cloud, Minnesota. What's going on, Ann? Hi, this is Ann. Thanks for taking a call today. Sure. You bet. What's up? So my question for you is basically should I quit my job?

So a little bit of background. My husband and I got married, had a baby, and bought a house all in my year. I hear that baby. Hooten and hollering. Yeah. He is going to be a little bit whining in the background, so my apologies. Did you say you got married, bought a house, and had a baby all in how long? One year.

Ooh, Mama. Okay. And what's your current job? Yeah. So I work as an administrator for a ministry. And the problem is there is morally corrupt stuff going on with the leadership. Ugh. Yeah.

it's so unfortunate. It was like a dream job when I took it. And so good for our family. But now it's like, I kind of have no choice but to leave. Yeah. So what's next? We know you're leaving. We need to line something up. I don't want you just quitting and going, well, I'll just figure it out over the next four months. Yeah. What's the income you need to try to make up here? Well, bare bones budget. My husband and I will be able to make it by without even dipping into our emergency fund. So that's the good thing. So living off of his income? Yes. He can take overtime, which is super, super helpful, but it's not a way to live. Yeah. So what were you making? I was making about 3,800 a month. Okay. So we need to make up that income, or at least most of it. Mm-hmm. And that's kind of the thing. My husband's really supportive.

I don't know what my next step is. And I don't want to put my child in daycare. So I might look for some at-home admin work, but I'm really just not even sure where to start. Well, let's kind of start by looking at the financial picture so we can know what needs to be done. What baby step are you guys in? Do you have debt?

Luckily, we're on babysits four, five, and six. Good. Okay. How much is in the emergency fund? We have about $36,000. Wow, that's a big old emergency fund. Is that too much? Well, it sounds like it's a lot more than six months based on what you've told me.

Yeah, both of our take-home pay is about $7,500 a month. Okay, all together. Okay, good. So you're looking more for help on the career side of what to do next for a job? I'm looking for that and just if I can afford to stay home with him too. So could I afford to be? told us on a bare bones budget you can get by, but that's if he works overtime. So it's not super sustainable. And you said that's no way to live. Right. So we need to get his income up or you

need to work part time in order for this to make sense. So what would it look like? You know, you were doing the job in the ministry. Is that something that you would want to do again at another ministry? Tell us more about what you feel like you're qualified to do and the work that you would want to do. I put her on hold with the baby yelling. You can get her back, Jade. Let's see. Where sheet line two. Sorry about that, Ann. There is. That baby's got pipes. Can I just say? She's rolling in. Here's what I think. I'll just kind of give you the synopsis of what I think.

I think you guys need to get onto every dollar. Do you have every dollar? We do. Okay. Then I think you guys need to get on there and figure out, okay, what amount of money, because it may not be a full $3,800, but what amount of money would take you out of that unsustainable place to where it's like, okay, we're not on bare bones. Husband's not having to work overtime. all the time and we can kind of live a life like this. And maybe it is 3,800. But then after that,

it's all about you sitting down and going, okay, what can I do? What would I like to do? And then I'm getting on all the sites. I'm getting on glass door. I'm looking to see what's available. I'm looking for work from home options. I'm looking for part time options. And I think at this point, you're just kind of pounding the pavement, as they say, and knocking on doors to get another job. And we can help you with that. Ken Coleman has a great book called Find the Work Your Wire to Do, because maybe this is the career path in the administrative space? Maybe it's not. So we're going to send you this resource. With that, you're going to get clear career assessment. Take that and then start talking to your friends and say, hey, does this line up, all of this assessment stuff, what I'm right, does this

line up with who you know me to be, my personality, what I'm wired to do? And that might be a work from home admin job. It might be something else. And, you know, maybe you go makes some crazy money and you go, I want to get a full-time nanny in house. Yeah, that's right. You have the options, but we do have to figure out the financial piece. Yeah, but the good news in this is, is because you guys did the right thing, it frees you up to now for you to be able to do the right thing with this job. You don't have to stay in a job where, you know, morality is being questioned or, you know, negative things are happening or even illegal things. I don't know what's going on over there. But you've got the emergency fund and you can get out and you can get

another job. Hopefully that pays more. This is The Ramsey Show. If you missed open enrollment, don't panic. Most health plans lock you out for the year if you didn't sign up by December. But Christian Healthcare Ministries lets you join anytime. CHM offers a simple, flexible, and budget-friendly alternative to health insurance, and you can join anytime. That's right. No open enrollment deadlines.

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and members say that they often save hundreds of dollars a month compared to traditional insurance. So make a change that fits your budget and your values. Check out CHministries.org slash budget to learn more. That's CHministries.org slash budget. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warshaw. If you didn't know, we've got a Ramsey Network app where you can tune in to all of the shows, distraction-free, including this show. All three hours are in the app. And we also have a place where you can ask questions, and we'll occasionally answer those on air.

So this one is from Dylan from the Ramsey Network app. What does he have to say, Jade? Yeah, he says, my fiancé has college grants and scholarships, which she won't qualify for both our incomes. okay should we wait to get married so she can graduate debt free wow that's very interesting what an intersection of love and money more i want to know more i want to know what the time frame is like are we talking um six months you know are we talking four years i want to know more about this um my thought can we cash flow if we don't get the grants and scholarships can we still cash flow yes and avoid debt i mean there's part of this where I go, okay, I'm thinking traditional college student, so maybe she's what 18, 19 going in.

I don't know. George, I feel like we need more information. I'm going to say if it's a year to postpone it, maybe, and I want to know how much school is. When did you plan on getting married? Were you going to wait for her to graduate anyways? Yeah, yeah. So many questions, so little answers. So little answers. I can't answer this in good faith and really know what's going on. And how much would we be, is we talking $100,000? Right. Or are we talking $40,000? I don't know. Can you even go to school for $40,000? It's an interesting one though. I don't think there's a straight answer here. Absolutely you should wait or absolutely don't wait and just cash flow it. But Dylan, call it. I want to know more about this. I know. And does it have to be for the entire four years or

are we talking semester by semester? Maybe you take it semester by semester and go, okay, you know, she starts okay it's about to be november so the new semester comes up here after christmas break maybe she does that one and you guys reassess and go can we cash flow the rest yeah and just combine incomes and get married and we've got it from here so that that would kind of be my thing is how can we put ourselves into position to not need the grants and scholarships if we're itching to get that wedding and get married yeah well either way either way we don't go into debt i think that's the key point coming out of here um debt's not not on the table, and if that, if it means you have to wait a little bit, that might be the

question, the solution. All right, we got some. That was good. Good question, though. All right. It was all right. We need more details. Let's go to Todd in Phoenix, who we can actually talk to. That's nice. Todd, what is happening with you? Hi, my wife and I, we've been kind of going back and forth on selling our home to pay off debt I've been kind of an idiot the last few years and we can all say that

at some point in our lives thank you for having the self-awareness hold money out and you know to build a pool and these things we probably didn't need to do and you know we I guess the issue we pay our bills

we eat we we live you know pretty normal lives but it's gotten tighter and tighter, and it feels like we're not really moving at all, kind of just spinning our wheels. And so, what's your household income? About 170. And how much consumer debt do you have? Everything but the mortgage.

About 182. Okay. Yeah, you're feeling it. What kind of, so you tell us, can you break down that 182? And by the way, does that include the mortgage? Yeah. No. It doesn't. Okay. Can you break it down for us? So we did a helock for 60 and built a pool and actually paid off some debt with that, which we then kind of racked up again. Another personal loan for about 57. I've got a car loan that's got 17 on it. What was the personal loan for? What did you spend the 50? Is it 57,000 or 5700?

57,000. Okay, what was that for? Really stupid. I'd outsmart myself from time to time, and I thought, okay, I'm going to do this personal loan and we're going to pay off debt, like we paid off both of our cars and used it what I thought was

kind of the right way, but then have since just kind of racked up money in other areas. Okay. So you took on debt to pay off other debt while changing zero habits, and you were right back to where you were. That's a cautionary tale for anybody. listening. We talk about that all the time. So you're teaching a lot of people. Thank you, Todd,

for being transparent. What else do you have? So the 57,000 personal loan, what's next? Well, I've got the, now I have another car loan now for 17, about 20 grand in credit card debt, and then 28 in like I did a debt consolidation kind of thing to get rid of, it's kind of same thing, get rid of credit cards. Man, okay. transferred to zero, you know, zero percent, like, transfer money. Are we done playing the game, you think? Like, are you, you're like, all right. Yeah. I'm not going to move debt around to other debt. I want a way out. So what are you thinking about doing? Well, so it was debating selling

out, like, my wife is not, not on board. You wanted to sell the house? Possibly selling our house to pay off, pay off debt, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't pay off everything. But do you want to know why I don't like that for you? Do you want to know why I don't like that for you? Because it's the same thing you've been doing. It's a quick fix. Todd's schemes. Todd shortcuts. And I think, and don't get me wrong,

when people get a great opportunity, maybe they get a large sum of money, they get an inheritance, they get a large bonus, or they were going to move anyway and it ends up clearing their debt, I'm happy for them. But you have laid out a very long pattern

of the same behavior. And I'm not getting on to you for it. I'm just telling you what I see based on what you said. And I'm worried because the worst thing ever, Todd, would be that you sell your house, even when your wife didn't want to and you wind up in debt again. So for you walking through the, because I always tell people when you walk through your baby steps, right, George,

that is the opportunity for you to change your habits because it's built in. You can't get out of the baby steps without changing your habits. It's automatic almost. And so I, as painful and as tough as it can, be, I would prescribe if I were the person writing the prescription that you walk through the baby steps and you do this the old-fashioned way. Okay. And we've done that before. I mean, we have, we have been relatively debt, like I said, rather, minus a car payment or something, you know. Sure. We've paid off credit cards before. We've paid, you know. But you've never been

completely debt free while you've been married. No. No. I mean, when we first bought our house, The only thing we had was the house and a car loan. Is your wife on, is she on board to do the baby steps? Because I think what you're going to have to go back to her and say is, all right, fine. We won't sell the house, but we're going to have to sacrifice like crazy. No, she's much, she's much more responsible than I am. Okay. I was going to ask who's the spender.

It's going, like, it's me. And she doesn't insist on anything. She doesn't ask her, you know, to do. any of the things that I come up with. It's mostly like... So she's been a passive passenger for all of your schemes. Yeah, she never tells me now. Not even a disdainful look?

I don't think my wife would allow me to do all this and not like have a blow-up argument yelling at me. How has she been totally cool with all of this? I mean, we pay our bill. Like you wouldn't, you know... She doesn't feel it. Outside looking in, we pay our bills. We, you know,

I don't get the payment on anything and, you know, 20 years. So everything is comfortable, but it's less comfortable. And that's what I want to warn you about Todd going into this. It's George and I see both sides of this all the time. When people call in and their income is low and they've got to go out and hustle and grind to get the money, it's almost easier for them to do what we teach than a person like you who has a great income and you're going to have to downsize. And kind of what you just said before, like the debt didn't really show we were able to cover it up and make the payments on time. Da-da-da-da. When you get out of debt. I'm just letting you know right now it shows and it's going to show. And that same part of you

that kind of liked being able to show off with the money and the pool and doing all those things. I'm talking to you because I recognize myself in what you're saying. That same part of you that liked showing that, that's going to be the part that hurts the most when you show the opposite, which is we're downsizing our cars and we're downsizing and we're selling things and we don't go out as much. And I don't buy the things that I used to buy. Your family's going to see it. Your friends are going to see it. You're going to feel it.

And that's just part of the process. Don't let that deter you. That's how you know it's working. That's how you know the medicine's getting in. That's right. So let's get to work. I mean, 60K a year thrown at this debt, three years, it's all gone. Making $170.

How do we find that margin? We need to make more. We need to spend less. Let's get to it. Thanks for the call, Todd. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you to Jade Warshaw. All the folks in the booth and you, America.

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before they become problems. So you can trust the data, stop wasting time, and make the right decisions faster. Take a free product tour today at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. That's netsuite.com slash Ramsey. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. I'm George Camel, joined by bestselling author Jade Warshaw. Open phones at AAA 825-5-225. Joseph is in Pittsburgh up next. What's going on, Joseph?

Yes. What's happening? What's going on? How are you? Good. What's your question today? My girlfriend going to be fiancé and I are going to be building a house costing around $700,000 and we want to know if we're way over our heads or if this is actually feasible.

Numbers aside, you're in way over your heads. There's not even a ring on the finger and you're going to sign up for a mortgage and put your names on a deed together? No, by the time of the deed is there, there would be a ring on the finger. So this is going to be a new build, and you're just hoping that all the plans work out perfectly? Yes. We do have the ability to live with either of our parents rent-free. Obviously, that's not ideal, but we're going to have to do that. While the house is being built?

Why do we have to do any of this? Let me lay out a different path to you tell me why it doesn't work for you guys. why not get engaged get married rent together save up on your own and then purchase a house or build when you're financially ready yeah what's the rush so we would like to start a family early um around 2028 2027 and our initial thoughts are renting is putting money into a place that doesn't build us wealth so we might as well put it towards a house that's going to be building us wealth. And if we have to live with our parents for a year or two, we're perfectly fine with that because we do have stable jobs that we're able to...

How much money do you guys have right now? Right now, we have about $60,000 in savings and then a little bit more in checking. How much do you plan on putting down on this $700,000 house? We are looking to put down around between $100,000 and $130,000 down the house. And then her parents are extremely wealthy, and they were planning on matching whatever we've ended up putting down. So 260? Yes. Yes.

Okay. And why do you need a $700,000 home as newlyweds in Pittsburgh? We are looking to have kids, so it's in the suburbs and we're going to be building so that we don't have as many maintenance house issues. is simply put, we're trying to set ourselves up for the future where we don't have to move. We don't have to do all these other things. We're just on that path of get a house and live there. What's your incomes? It's not a custom billed.

Our income, we are both around 32,000 to 35,000 a month. A month? Yes, and that is not including commission. so you both are not a thousand three two hundred good gracious i was about to say holy smokes so i was like well yeah you guys are making a million dollars okay so you're making like 70 grand and you're how are you going to afford a five thousand dollar a month mortgage yeah that's what i'm doing because i just we both did the math that's funny george so we also so we also she has commission that she is an insurance agent so she has commission coming back for her

i also own my own company that brings in two to three thousand as well On top of that a month. So you're at 10,000 a month? About that, yeah. So we're already setting ourselves up where half of our take-home pay goes toward the mortgage. Yeah. You're still at half. Before you were even worse, but even with the 10,000, what I'm seeing on here, $4,500,

for the mortgage, if you put down $2.60,000 on a $700,000, your house poor. Right. Right. And you're fine with that. no we're not fine with that at all we're obviously going to be expanding our our income we're trying to see if this is feasible now because we do have career projections going forward that it won't be anywhere close to that as well as so my business and her commission are projected to a double everything you're saying joseph i'm with you i love dreams like i love a good

dream i love to plan i love goals but you're setting yourself up um a situation where everything must go as planned for this to work out. And even if it does go as planned, you're still setting yourself up for several years of a situation where your house is 50% where your house poor for several years. So even if everything is perfect, you're still setting that up, which is not good. I truly, truly would love for you to slow down a little bit on this and say, okay, let's do all of this, but let's just do it in the right order. And at the right time. Let's get married. Then if you want to live with your parents, that's your prerogative. I wouldn't do it. But if you want to live with the parents to save more money faster,

like that's y'all's choice if you want to do that. And then save up, make sure when you do buy a house, when it's time that it's the right percentage of your take home, make it to where you're not house poor. You have this amazing deal where your in-laws are going to match that amount. That's awesome. Milk it for all it's worth. And make sure you get to a point where you can get this thing 25% okay then you're in a situation i'm fine with you guys doing this thing believing that this is going to be the only house you ever buy for the next 20 years if you want to believe that that's okay but let's can we just do it right can we pump the brakes just a little so it's all done in the right time yeah is this a thing where to increase our incomes first or a savings an emergency

plant kind of deal i think it's both and you said that there's a there's a path where both of you guys earn more and it's it's as you do that you're saving up more too right because i'm also looking at this on a 15 year fixed my guess is that you were looking at it on a 30 year am i right um i i have both in front of me but yes i was looking at a 30 year fixed and again all that you're doing that because you're trying to go fast i want to go fast why you have your whole life together i get it i know i how old are you to it so i we are both 21 Who told you it's too late? Who told you you have to rush into this or else and you've got to do this by this time and we're going to make this much?

I just think there's something else going on here where you're wanting to rush the process and leapfrog into a lifestyle that you just can't afford yet. No, we've been dating for about four years and going to be graduating this upcoming May from college. I'm working around 50 to 60 hours a week. She's working 30, going to be 40, this upcoming semester. it was just one of those things where we were looking at it. Yes, we were dreaming big and we saw that we could afford it and we would still have extra income coming up. You can't afford it. It's already artificially propped up with the in-laws money. And so I would go with what you guys can afford. And if you can get a $400,000 three bedroom, I would do that and have a small mortgage

that you can knock out quickly and you can upgrade over time. Because the truth is, you're going to hate your house five years from now for whatever reason and you're going to move. It's okay to move six years from now as your life changes. But we don't need to plan for, well, one day we're going to have five kids, so we might as well get the five bedroom now and just get ahead of it. We don't even have a ring on the finger. So I would just do things in order and I love how excited you are. You're a planner. You're futuristic. I have a lot of that in me. But I know I fall flat on my face when I make too many plans and one domino doesn't work out. What if she stays home once you guys have kids and you go, oh my gosh, well, we projected that her income would be 100,000 by

now. This totally screws up our plan. So I would move real slow and realize you don't need the lifestyle that her parents have today at 21 years old. It's okay for it to take a while. That's actually healthy. After the holidays, a lot of people start feeling budget pressure, and it's a wake-up call to get intentional. So listen, don't fall for buy now, pay later, cell phone plans that drag you back into debt. Boost Mobile keeps it simple with no contracts and no nonsense. Keep the phone you already own and pay just 25 bucks a month forever for unlimited data, talk, and text. That's real long-term value and real peace of mind.

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So start every dollar for free today. Get it in the App Store or Google Play. Tiffany is up next to New York City. What's going on, Tiffany? Hi, George and Jake. Can you hear me well? Yes. What's going on? Okay, perfect. So my mother-in-law, she is currently six years old. She has nothing safe for retirement. She's pretty much banking on the idea that my husband and I would take care of her when she's physically unable to work anymore. Is she, what's her, what's her health like now at 60?

So she is blind in one eye. So she used to work at a nail salon, but because after losing spite in one eye, she is unable to work there. Okay. She is currently working as, ironically, as a caregiver. Okay. What does she earn? Do you know?

I don't know the exact amount, but I do know it covers basically her necessities, rent, utilities, food, and transportation. So has she, how long has she been single? How long has your father-in-law been out of the picture? So father-in-law is still in the picture, but they're separated. They're a divorce. Okay. And how long, but how long has that been? I would say over 20 years

Okay, so she's had My point is she's had time to adjust to life on her own And you're just saying she just does the beer minimum Is that what you're Yeah, so pretty much She was good up until she couldn't work as a nail technician anymore And then with her current job now She can only take on so many hours

Because she says physically she can't work full time So basically she's just doing what she can, but I'm just worried because she has, she really has nothing saved up for retirement. She did have a, I think she had like 20K saved up, but then when she was out of the job, after she lost her job working at the nail tech, she kind of went through all that. So she's basically at nothing now. What's your husband say about all this? What's he think? So their relationship is a little bit of interesting one. She's, recently got back into my husband's life. I would say since 2020, their relationship was a little

bit strained because when his parents did divorce, she left the picture. And my husband was, I believe he was a teen when this had happened. So she only recently got back into the picture around the time my husband and I were dating. Wow. Interesting. So is he wanting to help her at all in any way or is he just, are you guys wanting to set up a boundary to say, hey, we can't support you in any way? I think he's at a situation where, of course, he doesn't want his mother out on the street, you know, if something, God forbid, something hard to happen, but he also would, we both kind of agree that there would be a lot of resentment towards her if we have to bear all the

financial responsibilities. What's her living situation? Is she a renter? Does she have a house? How does she live? she, yes, so she is renting, but she's renting with two other roommates. Great. So it's like Golden Girls over there or what? Pretty much. Sounds awesome. That is awesome.

Her rent is $1,000, so she's explicit the way it is New York City, so it rent's expensive. So she has $1,000 for rent. What's your financial situation, Tiffany? How are you and your husband doing? I think we're doing pretty well. we do have our first child that was born May of last year. So the only thing is, of course, with rent that we're paying and then there's daycare costs, unless we want to give up the, I guess, our retirement, I feel like, I don't know,

the selfish of us, we're not wanting to give her money on the side for her retirement. It's not. It's not. But let's even see if it's necessary. So the questions that I would have, if I were in your shoes, I'd want to get more facts. So first off, I'd want to make sure I'm not assuming that she wants, you know, me to take care of her. I want a point in blank. And so I'd probably sit down and ask the question.

Oh, no. Yeah. So when the situation happened when she had lost her job earlier and she had to get surgery, eye surgery, around that time when she was out of the job she did come to my husband to ask for money just on a one-time thing or say hey you're going to be the one taking care of me during retirement I hope you know those are two different things my husband set a boundary he said I was going to only give her money for three months and he had expected her to give back her feet after you know she recovered um and he said that was it I'm only going to give me money for three months

and then you're sort of on your own. But of course, if he's a soft fee in the sense that if she was, you know, out of money and he may end up on the street, he wouldn't let that happen. Sure. Because here's what I'm, I'm just tell you where my mind is. What you said is different from taking care of me in retirement. Those are two different things. It's one thing to have had surgery, be going through a tough time trying to figure out

where you can work because you lost your job because of your vision, right? There's that. And then there's, you're taking care of me in retirement, which is going to happen maybe 20 years from now. So I'd want to get clarity on that. I don't think you have clarity there. I think you kind of are making an assumption. And I can see why you're jumping to that. I can see why you're doing that.

But I'd want to know that. And then if it does seem like, hey, no, this really is the expectation. I've gotten clarity on that. Then I'd want to know, okay, since you're expecting that, then that gives me a right to look into your finances. Right, George? Like, you better be telling me what's your Social Security going to be. What do you pay?

Show me your bills, right? If I'm paying your bills, I'm going to be in charge of how much you're paying for those bills. and what you're spending is. So that's part of this deal. But I would really push to have her live an independent life. And that's going to take some coaching. And I don't think you should get in the middle of it if it's his mom, right? Yeah.

Okay. So it's going to sound like, you know, we love you. We want to make sure that you're taking care of. We also need to have a plan for you to live independently. And right now we can't financially support you. We've got a lot going on. We live in a high cost living area. We have a baby.

We're paying for daycare. So here's what we can do. We want to help you, help yourself. whatever resources we can to get you into a sustainable place. But we cannot and will not just support you for the rest of your life and cover all of your bills. We can't do that. And then it's on her to figure it out. Yeah, because there's still time. There's time here for her to create something for herself. And if you guys play a part and helping her do that, I think that's a wonderful thing because financial literacy and financial illiteracy is a very real thing. So if you can help her

understand, okay, you're 60, you've still got 10 years to really make something happen for yourself. Here's how you do it. I think that's a wonderful thing. But all that is going to start with you getting clarity on really what the expectation is from her. And then you clearly setting expectations on your end and setting those boundaries on your end. That's what I would do. And if it gets to the point where she is truly disabled, then she can get on disability. And eventually maybe she'll get some social security if she decides to take that at 62 or three or whatever. And so we need to show her the options that are at her disposal versus her relying on you and you becoming Bank of Tiffany is going to be a bad plan because you're right. It's going to create resentment and it's going to

create entitlement on her part to where now she goes, well, why even work full time? I can work part time or maybe not work at all if they're just going to float my life. So that's this scary, slippery slope that we're headed towards. Yeah, that's true. So that's going to be you and your husband and coming together, making a plan, sticking to it, spitshake, saying, I know you're a softie, you can't give in when she goes, yeah, but everything I've done for you, it's like, hey, yes, I'm grateful for what you've done, and we can't take care of you for the next 20 years. I'm just glad that you're talking about it, Tiffany, because the truth is a lot of us experience these, we start to see these cracks financially expose themselves in family members or in our

aging parents, and it's kind of like we just watch it happen from afar, and you have the opportunity to jump in there and set those expectations. You have the opportunity to jump in there and get the facts and hopefully try to set them on the right path because a lot can happen in 10 years financially. You can either dig a deeper hole or you can actually get yourself on track and create some form of a nest egg, something that's sustainable. So if you're listening and you're seeing this play out in your life like so many of us are, don't just sit back idly, go be about some business and get some information. And if you are that older parent, please don't do this to your kids. Don't be a burden. I want them to, like when my parents pass away, I want to

grieve how much I love them. Right. Goodness gracious, at least they're off my payroll. And that's what, that's the resentment it creates when you put this on your kids. by Better Help. The holidays are full of traditions. Some of these traditions we love, some we just survive. And in addition to the traditions, let's be honest, this time of year can also be a time of noise and pressure and loneliness. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to ask yourself what really matters to you this year. And therapy can give you a space to do just that, to think, to breathe, to ask yourself, what do you want this year, and to make room for peace. That's why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp has over 30,000 licensed therapists that have helped

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This is The Ramsey Show. George Camel is my host. I'm Jade Warshall. We're taking your calls. Triple-8-8-25-2-2-25 is the number to call. Hey, George, I saw this sitting on our desk, and I think it's worth talking about because we hear so much doom and gloom about Americans not ready to retire

or it's American dream is dying, you know, here in America when it comes to money. And this is really cool from CNN. number of 401k millionaire reaches new high. Yes, I actually just talked about this this morning on Good Day Orlando. We did a media hit with the nice people over there, and this is exactly what we talked about because there's so much hope stealing going on out there. All you hear is there's a retirement crisis, and the next president's going to screw this up

and cause us to all be broke, and here's Fidelity saying, actually, we're at record highs and across our 401K accounts. They have half a million people who have balances of a million dollars or more in that one account. Wow. Wow. In just one 401k account, which is very encouraging. Average balance hit 1.6 million. That's great. That's excellent. So that's encouraging. So the question is good for them, George. What about me and my 401k? I don't have a million. Well, that's true. The average 401k out there is more like $126,000. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a 10th. So how do you get there, Jade? Well, it takes consistent investing over a long period of time. So if you sporadically put

3% to get the employer match. Yeah, it's going to take a bazillion years to get a million. But if you follow the Ramsey plan, you get out of debt as soon as you can, two years or less, you get the emergency fund in place. You begin investing 15% of your household income into that retirement account. You will see that it doesn't take long for compound growth to work its magic. That's right. And all the time around here, we're talking about 10% returns. And anytime I talk about 10% returns, especially if it goes on social media, there's always somebody popping into the comments saying something like, well, where are you going to get that? Or how could you get that? Or that's impossible. And I always have to explain the idea that this is an annualized term. Number one,

it's not to say that every single year you're going to get 10%. But over the lifetime of your investing, that is what you're getting. That's the average of all the years you've been investing. So it was up 30, down 12%, up 20%, down 6%. If you're taking into account all of those years, you're looking at 10 to 12% on average in the stock market. That's right. And when you look at them by year, most of the years are up years. You know, you have those years that tank because something catastrophic has happened, whether in politics or, you know, international, but it always recovers, and it always recovers really in our favor. I just looked at the S&P 500, which represents the total U.S. stock market. I looked at the numbers, Jade, this morning, and in 2004, so 20 years ago,

we have 5xed since then. Yes. So if you had 10 grand, now you're talking 50 grand. And even if you started investing 10 years ago, your money would have went two and a half X. That's right. And so it's not a rocket science analogy here. You just need savings rate, how much money you're putting in plus time. That's right. That's the formula to become a 401k millionaire. Yeah, that's what we're looking at here. So your 401k is a great place to start. We say all the time, you know, sometimes here we talk about baby step four and we kind of push past it. But it's worth talking about George, because a lot of people have questions. A lot of people don't realize, okay, when I invest in my 401k at work, what does that mean? And what does that get me? So let's take a moment and kind of

explain that because I posted a video on Instagram last week about Baby Step 4 and I was overloaded with questions on, okay, what does that mean? Where do I go? What if it's Roth? What if I get a match? So let's take a moment and teach the people when we say Baby Step 4, what are we talking about? I'll start with the first part. So here we teach that you're not ready to invest until after you've paid off your debt, which is Baby Step 2. And after you've invested three, and after you've saved three to six months of expenses, that's baby step three. From there, we then teach, okay, now you take 15% of the gross that you're making every single month. This is before insurance comes out, before taxes comes out.

You take that money and you're investing it, and we say, let's start with an employer-sponsored account if there's a match. Yes. So if you make 100 grand a year, you should see $15,000 in contributions in that retirement account. That's 15%. Yes. And the strategy here is simple. Match beats Roth, beats traditional. We go for the match first because it's a 100% return on our investment. I put in 4%.

The employer puts in 4%. Great. Next, we can move to all of the Roth options available. All of that means is that the money is put in after tax and grows tax-free. So you're not going to be able to deduct it from your taxable income for the year like it's traditional, but you never have to pay taxes again. If you have $2 million in a Roth 401k at retirement, Uncle Sam doesn't touch it. That's like $2 million of net income, take-home pay. So I love that.

then beyond the Roth options, like a Roth IRA or Roth 401K, you can move to any traditional options you have. That's right. And one of the other things I love about investing is if I can set it and forget it, like if you're doing the 401K right now and you can go to HR and set it up

and it happens like clockworth, that's wonderful because you don't even have to think about it. It's just happening monthly. It's money. You can almost pretend like it's never happened, right? You're not thinking about it. And same thing, if you have a Roth IRA, you could probably set it up

to where that's coming out automatically to. on payday because here's a thing once if you don't do it on payday good luck to you it's not happening it's not happening if you see that money in your bank account it's hard to go you know what I should do invest for the future you're going to go ooh I'm going to buy me some stuff yeah that's right so I love the idea of picturing like you never had that money and then future you it's going to feel like you found like a $20 bill in your coat pocket except it's going to be like a $2 million bill in your coat pocket so let's talk about George briefly because we got some time let's talk about for the people who say, well, I make too much to invest in a Roth IRA.

Well, the IRA does have limits, but there's ways around it with the Roth where you can do a backdoor Roth. Yeah. And all this means is you're going to use after-tax money to fund an IRA, and then you can immediately convert it to a Roth. Yeah. And it's a legal loophole. Totally legal.

This is not like a life hack that's going to get you in trouble. And I would recommend working with a pro on all of this. You can connect with one of Ramsey Solutions.com to help. That's what I did when I came to Ramsey. I had an old 401K. I rolled it over to the IRA from my Apple career. My short one year and three-month Apple career, I had some 401k money in there.

That's great. So whether you're rolling over or you want to do a backdoor Roth, there's a lot of options for high-income earners on top of that. There's a mega backdoor Roth. Yes. There's a lot.

It feels like a seven-year-old named this. The mega. Mega backdoor. And then for the people who are like, okay, Jay, George, great. I'm maxing out my 401K. I'm doing well. I'm maxing out a Roth IRA.

What else can I do? We love the HSA, health savings account if you have a high deductible insurance plan that's a great way to go i mean obviously when you put the money in at first you're thinking this is for my health savings but beyond a thousand dollars you're able to invest that money and uh by the time you turn 65 it doesn't have to just go to medical costs you can use that for it acts like a 401k essentially which is really cool what if you're really doing well george and you're like i did it all i did the hsa the roth the rha the 401k what am i going to do next I would just invest in a general investing brokerage account.

This is not connected to retirement, but you don't get tax advantages. Well, let's run it back a little simpler because some people are going, when you say brokerage account, George, what do you mean? What is that? What is a brokerage account? What's a brokerage? Well, it's simply an account for investing that you work with a firm. Like we've all heard of Vanguard or Fidelity or Schwab. So you can work with a pro in this. You can open these yourself and you just simply invest in, you know, this is what Dave does. He gets a big check that's not non-retirement. He goes, I'm going to, going to put an index fund inside of one of these accounts. It's not connected to your employer. It's

not connected to your retirement. It's simply. And you pay taxes on the money on the growth of that money and you don't get any tax deductions when you put it in. So there's no tax benefit, but the benefit is you don't have to wait till 60 to tap into it. I like that. And you can use it for anything at any time. Okay. So let's take it a step further. When we talk about investing that money, what are we talking about? We're talking about because a lot of people go, oh, I'm investing in single stocks, Apple, invidia, right? And we're saying, no, no, no, that's super risky. Let's invest in mutual funds, right? So this is like betting on a single horse versus betting on the race track. Yeah. I'd rather just enjoy the game and go, we're all going to be winners if we put money into

the race track itself. That's right. We're going to get all the horses in that race. And that's what you're doing when you invest in a mutual fund, which is like 90 to 200 plus. Sometimes more, yeah. And so that's what you're betting on. And you can see the return is a lot less rocking. than a single stock of one company. Instead, we're going, here's the top 500 companies we're all rooting for, the top 500 horses in the race,

and that way you get the benefit of all of that growth. And there's different types of funds that he's talking about. We talk about growth funds, growth and income funds, aggressive growth funds, international. Those are the four that we teach.

You're spreading your eggs out. You're not putting them in one basket. So if your international fund is not doing very well, probably your growth and income fund is trucking along and doing just fine as it should. And so that's how this works. That is Baby Step 4 in a nutshell, George, you're a genius.

I wouldn't go that far. I would. But you know what? You don't have to be an genius investor to make money in the stock market. You just got to ride it out. Don't jump off the coaster, man. Stay put. Stay put.

All right. Keep tuning into the Ramsey show to learn more about how to manage your personal finances. Hey y'all, you know I'm all about keeping your budget and check, especially during the holidays. And that's why I always start my grocery shopping during the holidays at Aldi. From fresh produce to holiday favorites and charcutory boards for parties, Aldi has it all. And at prices that will help your family save big, up to $4,000 a year for a family of four. So, do what I do for my family. Shop at Aldi first to save on groceries without sacrificing quality or holiday joy. Find a store near you at Aldi.us. That's a L-D-I-U-S. Savings based on regional

analysis of Aldi versus select competitors. Prices may vary by location, product availability, and the market. You are listening to The Ramsey Show on the Ramsey Network. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me is George Camel. We're taking your calls all hour long. Triple-8-8-25-5-2-25. And if you didn't know it, you know, maybe you just watch the show

and you just think we're two folks in a studio. Actually, it's two very large buildings that we work from. And it's a lot of people in here. I think there's like over a thousand of us. That's right. working in here day in and day out, lots of different resources that we offer here. Ramsey Education, Ramsey trusted services, just to name a few, then there's all the stuff like every dollar and everything like that. And one of our favorite Ramsey trusted,

they're here to help you guys, okay? You need help with things like real estate and we're here to help. So selling a house, the Ramsey way, it's really what makes homeownership a blessing instead of a burden. And we've got the right tools for you. Our Ramsey trusted program is really the only way for you to find an agent that you can trust. This person is going to keep you on track with the things that we teach here at Ramsey, which is so important. You're going to get the best offer on your house and you're going to find the right house for you if you're looking to purchase a house. This is so important, George, because it's a jungle out there, right? And people will do anything, especially with this market. If you're trying to buy a house, people are doing

bridge loans. People are doing zero down loans. For sale by owner trying to save a buck. Oh, gosh. Now's not the time to do amateur hour. I know. And you don't want an agent who's so desperate to make a dollar that they'll kind of suggest things to you that are not good for you. Oh, well, if you need to get your loan approved, just do this. You don't want that. You want somebody. What if you did a helock? And that way you could, no, our Ramsey trusted pros, they're not going to steer you wrong. They're not going to give you advice that goes against the Ramsey principles, which are meant to help you live with more peace, less stress, and get the house paid off. Remember, that's the goal. That's what you want. So we're going to

send you some of the top agents in your area. These are people that we trust. You're going to get to review their stats. You're going to get to interview them yourself and decide which one of them that you want to work with because you're going to choose one of them. And these Ramsey trusted agents, they've got years of experience. Okay, they're going to help you make the wise decisions when it comes to pricing, when it comes to marketing, and they're going to help you choose the right offer. So find a Ramsey trusted real estate agent for free. Did I mention that it's free at Ramsey Solutions.com slash agent. So that's what we're looking for. I love my Ramsey trusted pro that has helped us with our houses. She's great. You come like lifelong friends with some of these

folks. They're amazing. Mandy Lindfesti, shout out. Shout out. In the, in the Middle Tennessee area, Williamson County. She'll appreciate that. I know she will. All right, let's go to the phone lines. We got Elizabeth in Austin, Texas. What's going on, Elizabeth? Hi. How are you? Doing good. How are you? Good. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you can hear me at first. Yeah, definitely. So just to kind of get to the point, my stepmom and I don't have a really good relationship. I recently found out that she has absolutely no retirement, funds or plans,

and there's just no way my husband or I could even think about helping her. And so I just, I'm not quite sure what to do in this situation or, like, how to avoid feeling guilty that I can't help. Is she asking for help? No, not yet. But her and my dad aren't very financially responsible. So it's... How old are they?

I'm worried that if some... She's 56. Okay. Okay, how old is your dad? Same age? Um, he's 53. Okay. Are they both working?

Um, they are right now. Okay. And what, where does your dad come into play? Because you're talking a lot about stepmom here. Um, he's, he doesn't work. He has a, he works, but he doesn't work at home. So he has, um, he has a job as a truck driver. Mm-hmm.

And, um, he, he has like a pension that he's vested. into but that's only like $500 a month for when he retires um have they told you about their financial situation my dad has he's been very um local about that is he worried about it when he tells you a little bit yeah um just because that's not a lot of money to live off of sure what's your financial situation um so my husband and i are currently in baby step two Okay. We make $90,000 a year, and we're scheduled to have, if everything goes perfectly, we're scheduled to have $50,000 paid off by March of 2026.

And that's the full amount? That's the full amount, minus our mortgage. Okay, great. Yeah, that's excellent. Okay, so I sympathize with what you're saying because I, you know, they're your parents, you love them, you see them drowning and you want to save them, right? Right. But at the same time, you've got to get yourself into the raft first and save yourself so that you can pull him into somewhere safe. So there's there's all of that there. It sounds like your dad, at the very least it sounds like he's willing to talk to you somewhat about this. One thing that you can try is to say, hey, you know, dad, some of the things that you're saying, I have felt that too. You know, we've been worried about the future for ourselves. And I found this plan. You know, it's called Financial Peace University. We've started. working it and it's working for us it's a lot of work but it's helping us you know I'll send I'll send you

a copy of it and maybe you do it like that um as opposed to because you're not here's the thing you can't save them and you're not responsible for their life and their decisions yeah as much as you might have empathy for their situation and we know that you can't change people we've tried I wish I could you know you can't your personal trainer can't care more about you losing weight than you yeah It just, it doesn't work. You can hold up the oxygen. They don't have to inhale. And so part of this is having the hard conversation and saying, listen, I can't take care

of you guys if you don't take care of yourselves. We're not going to be able to have you, you know, move in with us and have us float you if you didn't prepare. Now, the good thing is they're not that old. No, they're not. They're probably, you know, if they work really hard for the next 10, 15 years, they can have a decent little nest egg and retire with some peace. Would you agree?

why are they why is there no hope for them at this point well it's not so much that there's no hope for my dad it's just my stepmom really loves to shock and so and is she going into debt for this uh yeah she has in the past um it's caused them to go through bankruptcy twice now this is even more so this is becoming an issue you can't solve because these are marital issues. There are financial issues that you're seeing, you're seeing the symptoms on the outside, financially speaking, but these are marital

issues that you, I mean, you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg on this. And with any kind of misbehavior, if you throw money at it, you're just going to be enabling more of the same misbehavior. She's not just going to change her habits because you gave her $5,000.

She's going to go, woo, shopping spree. How long have they been married? How long has she been your stepmom? Um, 16 years now. Okay. So this is locked in. What's your relationship with her? Um, it's really terrible.

Um, she was physically and verbally abusive when I was little. Oh, my. I'm sorry. So, yeah. So I'm not trying to put words in your mouth. You're looking at this and you're going, this woman is dragging my dad down. A little bit, yeah. And so, yeah, you're mad.

have you brought this to your dad have you shared your honest feelings with your dad about how she's treated you and her financial situation and how it affects him his retirement yeah i i have um for father's day i got him a total money makeover and he he um he started reading it and he like wants to get on the right track now but it's just it's on him to get her on board. And you're going to have a much harder time in doing that with your position. And so I think the more you can encourage him, get him on the plane, get him fired up, that will then hopefully be contagious to her. Or at least he gets some boundaries and goes, listen, you can't spend like this anymore. I'm taking away access to this card because you're

putting our family in danger. And the way that you motivate him is by sharing your journey. Like share when you're winning, when you guys do your debt-free scream, share that, share how it feels to have this piece. the conversations that you're having with your spouse, hey, you know, we've been, it was tough at first, but we keep opening up the lines of communication. Just be open and share. You can't make them do anything. All you can do is tell them about it. And then you kind of just have to step away and really just leave it in God's hands at that point, which is tough to do, George. It is not easy. We want to control the people that we love. Let's just be honest about that. But we can't.

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because every baby saved is more than a life preserved. It's a life changed. That's preborn.com slash Ramsey. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. I'm George Camel, joined by Jade Warshaw this hour. AAA 825-5-225 is the number to call if you want to join the conversation. Brian is in Topeka, Kansas up next. Brian, how can we help today?

Hey, so I have about $90,000. tied up, $90,000 in debt tied up in a truck and a camper since I travel for work. And I always want to, I'm always like I'm tired of being broke. I want to get this paid off in the next year. How do you get into that mentality of like whenever it comes to payday, I'm just, I don't want to do it, but whenever it's time to pay the bill, I want to get rid of this. how do you get getting the mentality of making it happen? I need to get this done.

Yeah, making it happen. Well, I mean, I think for you right now, it's just logic. I think you're seeing, okay, I have debt. Yeah, it makes sense to pay it off. Maybe you heard somebody say a good reason, right? But right now it still feels very external. And I think there's got to be something internally in you that is a real reason why and that you're feeling to where that's the motivator for you to actually make this happen

and move the needle. And a lot of times that's tied to our goals, like what our goals are in life. So if your goal is to get married or if your goal is to buy a house or your goal is to be the first person in your family to retire and it not be a burden, right? Whatever that thing is, I think that maybe you haven't connected it to that yet. Okay. Because I've set goals for, I want to get the debt paid off in the next year and then buy the land to be financially free and so I can continue on my other financial goals of buying land building a house and then but also whatever I'm asking deeper questions because money it can't just be for more gain like it can't be money for money sake I want to get out of debt so I can have more money why so I can buy

more things why so I can have more things you know there's got to be like you got to pinpoint it to something it's you know so when you said hey I want to buy land why is land important to you if you said hey I want to build a house why is building a house important to you what does it represent so I think getting to that deeper level is really helpful otherwise it's pretty surface and a lot of times what we find George is people call in and they're just looking for the next thing they can do and it's not really it's not satisfying them in the way that they thought it was yeah you'll get there and go, okay, I did it, but now what? And we want you to have some deeper purpose here. And I think you're getting there the way you're talking. And what do you make?

Make about 110,000 before, or after taxes. After taxes, you make 110. Great income. Okay. So when you say I want to pay this off in 12 months, how are you planning on doing that? So my checks are about 2,100 to 2,500, depending on overtime and how my hours are Is that twice a month? No, it's every week. Okay, good. I was like, man, this math is not mathing for me. Okay.

Yeah, that's great. That's weekly. And just, I did the math and right around 1,500 bucks a week, get to a point to where I have a, I'm thinking like a $10,000 safety net since I am traveling for work. How much do you have saved now? Nothing. Okay.

So you're just paycheck. to paycheck, spending everything you get. All right. Yeah. Do they cover your expenses or is that on you? Do they reimburse you? So they pay incentives to come out here and then the travel expenses are on me. Okay.

What's left on the truck and what's left on the camper? There's 60 on the truck and 30 on the camper. Okay. Do you need a $60,000 truck to do your job? I don't. Okay, because that's over half of your take-home pay. It's a lot of truck. And it sounds like you're a young guy.

How old are you? 20. Okay. A 20-year-old does not need a $60,000 truck to do any job. Can we agree on that? Yeah. A 50-year-old doesn't need a $60,000 truck to do a job. So if I'm in your shoes, I'm going to see what I can do to lighten my load, literally,

and sell this truck and get a new-to-me truck for $15,000. Okay. So what is the truck? worth if you sold it private party how much could you get for it probably 55 to 60 i haven't really done the blue book on it cool there's your there's some homework and if you are underwater on it by a little bit you need to come up with that in savings which you could do within a month if you're underwater by five grand could you save five grand to save your life in the next month yeah great so now you can clear the title now we still need another truck right you still need that yeah so you're a need to come up with

another 10 grand, 15 grand to get a beater truck is what this is going to amount to in the truck world. Yeah. Because you just need to get from A to B, right? Well, it just depends. The camper is taking you. You're just hauling the truck along with the camper? No.

It's a pull behind camper, so I'm hauling the camper. Okay. I need something reliable enough to get across the country if I need to. if the next job is in Nevada to pack myself up and... Yeah, but they make reliable trucks that are 20 grand instead of 60, right? You know the truck world. So here's the problem. That $60,000 truck is depreciating like a rock the way you're driving it across the country,

which is even more reason to not drive a super nice truck all the time across the country because the more mileage you're putting on it, the more wear and tear, that thing is plummeting in value. So that's what scares me is you could be underwater 20 grand and not know. it right now. Yeah. So I would do some homework on that part. And man, if you can get this done in six months instead of 12, wouldn't you want that? Yeah. I'd rather you eat rice and beans for six months instead of a whole year. So I would be looking at what makes sense to sell and get something cheaper. And the way your income is, you could save up and buy something used pretty quickly. And the

good news is lots of people are selling used campers out there. Lots of people selling used trucks out there. Yeah, for sure. And so just know, it's a short season of rice and beans for you. Some people, like Jade, it's over seven years for her and her husband to pay off their debt. So for you to be able to do this in six months, you're going to blink. You won't even be able to drink yet on your 21st birthday by the time you're debt free. Yeah. And just, yeah, and just know, you know, going back to what I was saying earlier, part of that why is why is it a good idea to do this now? And it's because you're unattached, man. Like, you got all the time in the world. You can do what you want with your money there's no lady in your life that you have to share decisions with

you don't have kids like there's so many reasons to do this now versus later so just spend some time with that mentally and let that soak in okay I'm proudy man you're a very successful 20 year old with a good head on your shoulders we made some mistakes the good news you know anything that's vehicle related at least we can sell those right you go into 100,000 a student loan debt you can't go sell the degree man I wish you could nobody's interested I would have sold I would have sold mine off. If anyone's interested in a communications degree, I have one available. And then it's like men in black, they do the thing and you forget everything you learned as well. Trust me, I don't remember anything I learned. I think that, you know, I'm sorry, but who remembers

things that, like specific things they learned in college? Unless you were in like a, a medical field, like, you know, law, like something like that where you kind of need to know some things. Where the funny bone is located. Couldn't tell you what happened in small group communication theory. Oh, I don't even know what that is. Exactly. There you go. I just, as much as I don't like going into debt for vehicles, it's nice when we get a call and I go, hey, you could sell the truck.

That's a great. You could sell the horse. Both are assets, technically. You said it, not me. Hey, do you ever feel like you're doing everything right with money, but still stuck? I was you. In debt, running hard, but taking three steps forward and two steps back. Turns out, it's not the numbers.

It's the fact that changing our ways with money is emotional. That's why I wrote my brand new book, what no one tells you about money, to help you push past what's really been sabotaging your purpose. progress so you can finally win. You can pre-order now and score over $100 in free bonus items, but only if you order by January 5th, go to ramsysolutions.com slash store today. Michael's up next in San Jose. What's going on, Michael? very well how are you great how can we help today so my father passed a few months ago and the thing is thank you and the thing is he left everything to me his house his

investment his business um he he didn't give anything to my sisters who who are estranged and with our mother ever since my parents divorced and my sisters are like you They have asked me to help pay their student loans because my father left them with nothing. How much was it? Combined, I believe they went to both undergrad and grad. It was combined. It's about 300,000. No, how much was the, yes, thank you for telling me that, but how much was the inheritance?

It's a couple million. It's basically his house, his investment, and his business. When you say a couple million, is that like 2 million or is that like 6 million? it's in the age figures okay so we're talking 10 million plus yes okay wow okay so he purposefully did not leave any money to your sisters

because he had no relationship with them and that was his call to make are they misbehavors no they basically he basically cut them off because they sided with our mother during their divorce okay so their team You're a team dad, and he goes, hey, I'm going to leave it all to my son, who's been loyal to me? Yes.

Okay. And now they're resentful because they feel like they deserve a portion of this money. It seems like it, yes. Okay. I think this is more relational, emotional than it is financial. You could write them a check and pay off the loans, but I don't know that you agree with the principle behind it or that that would have been your father's heart. Well, yeah, what do you want to do? what's what's your heart lean towards

I don't want to disrespect my father in any way okay do you have a relationship with your sisters or is it estranged as well it's estranged okay so they've only come to me only for very unique cases or like or when they were going to college or grad they came to both my father and I for money my father I know I was

there. My father refused to pay for them. And that's why they have the debt to begin with. So it's been transactional, this entire relationship. But can I ask? Because here, where I'm sitting and you've given us, thank you for sharing what you've shared so far, what I'm trying to weigh, and George, I don't know how you're looking at this either, but I'm trying to weigh if this was a decision that was made out of dysfunction, which is I'm forcing you to choose sides and you guys are children. So you're choosing whatever, I don't know, the parent you like the most. that day, you know, that sort of thing. And is this your father, you know, having kind of just an immature moment, right? Or is this really a reason that is with good reasoning behind it of,

hey, I cut them off because they were misbehaving in this way and they made these poor choices? Or is it literally just simply, I don't like your mother anymore and they like her, you're dead to me? so my mother had an affair that's why they divorced my sister said it with my mother because they like the affair partner more and i said it with my father because he was my father got you okay so you can't see how they would stand by someone who would do such a thing basically yes i understand okay i think you're going to be resentful if you give this money and i'd rather than be resentful towards you then you be resentful towards them.

Okay. There's no easy answer here. They're going to hate you, but it sounds like they didn't like you to begin with. They just used you for transactional moments. And so I don't think this is going to change anything. If you say, if that wasn't my father's wishes, I'm sorry.

Listen, I got more to, I feel more to it than that. How old were you guys when this happened? I was 17. My sisters were 15. 13. That's interesting to me. I, listen, I don't think there's a wrong or right to this. I really don't. It feels very extreme to me that I'm just, I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just telling you my thoughts. It feels extreme to me that a parent would put children in a situation where they have to choose. And because something about the situation made you guys feel like you had to choose, right?

Not really. I mean, the thing is, I did not know about my parents' affair. Apparently, my sisters did. And they said nothing. Yeah, they said nothing. Which is not on your, that's not on your, the daughters. It's on the parent to not put them in the position to keep that secret. Like, kids are kids. Teenagers, they're kids. A 15-year-old doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to navigate that. Yeah. And probably thinks, oh, I'm going to be disloyal. Like, they, kids don't understand what role to play that now looking back on adults we can look back and go maybe i should have done this maybe i shouldn't who knows if they've done the right therapy to work through those things i i just feel that on a surface level um to punish the children for a spousal misbehavior because the children didn't

react in the way that the adults felt should have happened i i do struggle with that i'm not saying you're wrong i'm just telling you called in so i'm saying i do have a little bit of a struggle with that it's not an error on your part it feels like an error on the dad for saying, I'll show you and kind of putting a lot of that sting and unforgiveness for what mom did on the kids. That's, I'm no, I'm no therapist, so that's just my two cents. This is tough. I'm not going to want to. Yeah, so, yeah, so my father, he suffered very greatly from the divorce fear emotionally. I know because I was there. Sure, yeah, rightfully so. He dipped into alcohol, he dipped into alcohol for a while, but he

build himself back up, you know, and he showered me with love and attention because I was the only one that he had. And I don't want to, in any way, disrespect his wishes. I think he had a purpose to when he wrote his will and he never changed it. I think he had a purpose to when he refused my sisters for the college. And that's only a drop in the bucket. There have been numerous instances where I know that my father has tried to reach out, especially when my sisters had their kids. And they didn't want anything to do with him. So can I ask this question?

Did they, okay, he wrote them off because they followed mom. Did they then write him off because he wrote them off? Was it, do you say I'm saying, who wrote whom off first? My sisters, definitely. And what was their reason for writing him off if he was completely an innocent party in all of this? I don't know. That's the part I'm trying to understand. It's one thing for them to be like, we still like mom.

Like we don't want this, you know, and for whatever their reasons were, they continue to have a relationship with it. But what would make them completely disassociate from dear old innocent dad who did nothing wrong but love them? It was basically, from what I understand, the affair partner was very charismatic. He bought them a lot of stuff. was back when my father's business wasn't successful. Okay. Okay. So much to say he probably bought their love and affection. Got it.

Got it. So it was a materialistic relationship. Here's my final take on this. Again, not trying to play armchair therapist, but I think this, you're not ready to forgive your sisters and cause reconciliation and giving them this money feels like you're taking that next step. Is that accurate? it? I know that the thing is that I want the old grudges to die. At the same time, I want to respect my father's wishes. And because my father was a God-fearing man, he was very devout. And I know that forgiveness is in the Bible, but I don't know, like, you're right, I have not ready to forgive them for the pain that it caused my father.

Neither my mother and neither my sisters. That's it. You just said it out loud. You're not ready to forgive. Don't forgive yet, but I think you should eventually. And my final take is I do think that him cutting them off was a little bit of dysfunction on his part. And I don't think that they necessarily deserved that.

It doesn't sound like I wasn't there. But based on what you said, I don't know if I'd want to keep that dysfunction going. Yeah. And I want you to be giving out of joy. That's how giving should be done, not out of, oh, I just hate to be doing. doing this with a clenched fist. So I'd read that Bible again and see if all that grace and mercy talk might eventually heal some of this relational dysfunction. So sorry, man. Don't buy into it.

Yes, there's a lot of noise and chaos and confusion out there. But there's also hope. The truth is you have more control than you think. This year, it's time to take back your hard-earned money and your life. And it starts by joining our free live stream. On January 8th, me and Jade Warshot will show you how to go from chaos to clarity with your money. Help you break free from debt and change your family tree, all by using the all-neutral. new Every Dollar app, plus 10 people who sign up will win $2,000 cash.

Don't let this be another year of I Can't. Sign up for free at every dollar.com slash live stream. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warsaw. Hey, if you're listening to the show, I assume you enjoy it. And if you do, do us a quick favor. It's completely free. And share the show. Hit the subscribe button, the follow button, leave us a kind review. Let us know what you think. It all helps us so much. It is the best marketing tool we have because humans are the best way to share the show with other humans. That's the goal. So do that and we'll keep the show afloat. That's how it goes. That's how it goes. I know no better way to keep the show going than you guys all sharing it.

and keeping it. You're the plan. Keep it alive. Yvette is in Houston, Texas up next. What's going on? Hello. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. I'm actually having a lot of issues. I'm in a foreclosure. Oh, my goodness. And I, yeah, I initially did everything to get out of it, and I thought everything was taken care of as far as a modification. I don't know how important this is, but I'm divorced. and my ex-husband is on the deed, even though he's never had any connection to the house.

We happened to be in the middle of the divorce when I purchased the house. So I was told that he had to be on the deed. I didn't even realize I could take him off. I'm just trying that out. Yeah, but, I mean, he's cooperative with, you know, like when I needed paperwork and all that stuff done. So he lives in another state, though. So when I was sent the final documents for the modification, they sent a copy to him and a copy to me and I called to follow up to make sure his copy was actually received by them the first time it wasn't but the second time they said yes it's here you know what came in on this day signed in but it hasn't been reviewed yet so that was a worry that was out of my mind but my documents they sent them back to me and said that the notary is incorrectly and I needed to have them re-notarized okay so anyway

Anyway, by the time I did that and sent it in, and I had already made two payments, not the trial payments, the actual new modification payments. I had already, so, yeah, I'm into it. So then when I called to follow up, they said that the deadline had passed by two days, and I no longer was, yeah, I was no longer eligible for the modification. patients. And I talk to these people constantly on a regular basis, and I have to say that my assistant there, he was very stressful. He stressed me out every time I talk to him, but he never really answered any questions as far as, you know, what happens, you know, by this date, give me dates, never. What's the current status? How many payments have you missed? Well, like I said, I was making the two that was supposed to happen, and then they stopped and they

wouldn't take anymore. So right now, I think... So what's their last communication to you? Where are you at in the foreclosure process? Well, now it's on hold only because I'm a victim of a hurricane. And I didn't ask for anything. They, you know, they just said, were you affected about a hurricane? And I said, yeah. And then the person said... What hurricane? When? Is this recent? Hurricane. Yeah, Texas has hurricanes anytime it's summer so yeah i mean like but i'm saying that happened this summer yeah it just happened like i don't know three three weeks ago but even before that we had a we had a tornado before that and i was so they're putting it they put it on hold because of the that inclement weather situation yeah and and on hold is what i thought it was but it's a for

it's a forbearance okay until when until um the end of october can i ask a couple can i ask a Can I ask a couple of questions just to get my head around this? What took place for you to miss the initial payments? What was going down that was causing you to miss however many payments that you missed and got behind? And is that situation over? No. And I'm willing at this point to sell my house. And that's something I fought against for so long.

But no, I have a disability and I haven't been able to work in over 10 years. but I'm not receiving disability. It's been very hard in this last time. I haven't even filed the appeal. I just was in a state of depression and just... So what has your income been for the last 10 years? Where is it coming from? Well, it was coming from child support for the most part,

but now my daughter is an adult. So where do you get money now? Well, now I have a part-time job that makes things even worse. So that's what I have. But my daughter has her income now. And so the two, I mean, it's still very low because she only works part-time as well. Both of you working part-time, both of you living in the house, and you can't make the mortgage payment. No, no, we can make it now.

But what actually stopped me from making it, I ended up being sued by my homeowners association, which that totally just wrecked everything. I had to pay them $6,000. And that's what really caused me to get behind. because has the HOA payments been resolved? Did you pay that? Yeah, that's over and done with it. I'm going to have to figure out some way to get that back because that's the whole other story.

I have been on a payment plan with them since I, even before I stopped working. But we have different people in charge of that. Let me just. There's a few pieces here a bit. We're going to walk you through it. Yeah, I don't think that, have you ever attempted to sell this house?

Here's, I'm going to give you my 50,000 foot view. This is a home that you can't afford. This has been nothing, this has been a burden on burden on burden. I don't want you to foreclose, but I want to know, is there a way, have you attempted to sell the house at any point to go, hey, I can't afford this piece of property? I got to get out of it. Have you tried that? No, and there's a reason for that. And like I was saying, I have no problem with doing that now going forward.

But I've been affected by these hurricanes. What does that mean? When you say you've been affected, tell us what that means. Was the house damaged? I have property, yes, and I have property damage, not just from the hurricane I just told you about, from the Texas freeze a couple of years ago when we were out of power. But the issue is the insurance companies. I don't know if you know what's going on with Texas insurance company.

I don't. Even before that freeze, we had insurance companies that were just not doing what they were supposed to do. Are they denying your claims? No, no, they didn't do that. My insurance company gave me $1,800. I probably had, I don't know, I'm just going to say $30,000 worth of damage. And then we hit a wall. And then they pulled out the state of Texas and filed for bankruptcy.

Okay, so you have a bunch of work that needs to be done on your home that insurance wouldn't pay for. What type of work is it? Is it something that no one would buy the home in this condition? Is that what we're talking about? Is your roof half gone? Or is it more cosmetic? No, I think people would buy the house. But my thing is, I don't know.

know how much value that I have lost so that I may not have the equity that I thought I have um it's like right at a hundred thousand and you're saying you don't know that you could sell it for a hundred no no that's not what I'm saying I probably can't sell it for that my situation I'm 60 years old my situation is I would not if I can I would prefer not to sell a house that I paid for for 22 years and have nothing. Yes. I understand it's frustrating because you didn't build the equity you wanted to, but this is not, you can't have the sunk cost fallacy. You're in a bind where you're going to either sell this home or it's going to be sold

for you at auction in a foreclosure. You need to figure out, you need to get an appraiser in there, figure out what the house is worth. I'd be talking with the bank and asking them, listen, I know I'm behind. At this point, I don't know how many payments you are behind. I know they tried to do a modification. It's on hold now. I think the fact right now that it's on hold is a blessing for you to go. in one more time and say, can we just sell the property? If it's at a loss, maybe you ask for

a short sale. Figure out a way to go in there and don't let this be a foreclosure. I think that that's going to be even more painful. It needs to be on your terms, which means you tell the lender, hey, sit tight. I'm going to sell this house and we're going to make sure that I'm ahead and we're going to get this thing done. And so I would get in touch with a real estate pro. You can get in touch with one at Ramsey Solutions.com slash trusted event and have them figure out the comps and what the house is worth. Let them do that homework for you. Because you've got a lot going on. You need to get to some financial stability right now and build a new financial foundation.

And that means we're getting out of this house. Yeah, I think you've been hit with, hit after hit, whether it was the freeze and then the hurricane and then you're missing payments. And I realize that you've been in this house for a long, a lot of years. But this is not a place of peace anymore. And your home should be a place that you walk in and you feel peace. And we want that for you. We want you to get the place that you can afford. And we want you to get the help that you need from the right real estate agents.

on the Titanic going down with the ship. You can definitely avoid all of this and sell and move on with your life and get a fresh start. That's our hope for you. So get in touch with an agent and have them start to do the homework. You get in touch with the lender, figure out what it's going to take to allow this process to happen. This is The Ramsey Show. When you're tired of feeling stuck with money, there's just one solution. To get different results, you have to do something different.

No one accidentally wins with money. You have to have a game plan, and that begins with our get started assessment. Go to ramsysolutions.com slash start, answer some questions, and we'll show you what steps to take next. Don't stay stuck. Take control of your money starting today. Go with ramsysolutions.com slash start. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show, our scripture of the day, Matthew 6, 20, and 21. Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and vermin do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Rebecca Johnson said, money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it. Here we go. I can't hear the word vermin without thinking that's funny. It's a funny word. It's an old-timey word.

Very Yosemite Sam. And biblical, somehow. There's the Venn diagram. What do they have in common? They both use vermin. Love it. Let's get to the phone. Samuel is in Austin, Texas up next.

What's going on, Samuel? Hey, how's he's gone? Can you guys hear me okay? You could do better, but we can hear you. So I went into debt with a car, and this was two years ago. The question for you guys today, is it morally okay to ask my wife to pay for this car with her saving? When did you get married? Two years ago.

I got the car in April. We got married in May. That's convenient. Was the plan for you guys to combine your finances when you got married? Yes, and the reason I got the car was I was in an accident, and so we were left with nothing to drive around. They didn't write you a check? No, it was my fault. Okay.

So you've been married two years. Have you guys combined your money up to this point? Or has it been kind of just separate without you guys realizing it? We combined. She doesn't work as much as I do. I think in total, we're probably at like 50, 40, 50 each year. Okay, but what you're telling me and your question would denote two separate answers, you're telling me that your money is combined, but then you're telling me,

should my wife use her savings to pay this off? So that lets me know it's not combined. We're combined as in, like, we pay the bills together. Her savings is apart because she's been savings and she was like 18, 17 that she started working. And so I think I feel wrong to ask her, and I did ask her, I think maybe about a month ago, and it became an argument because I don't have anything safe. The only bet that we have is this car. What's left on the car?

20,000? And she has a car too that's paid off? Well, she works with her mom, so her mom picks her up every day. So you have one car in the family? Yeah. How much savings does she have? She has 16, 17? 16 or 17,000. So it's really not even enough to pay off the car if she wanted to? Yeah. Okay, so there's the glaring issue, and I know George sees it too, the glaring issue is that, you guys are really separate. And it's really hard to build trust when I'm over here and you're over there and I've got this thing that I've been working for my whole life and it doesn't really

include you. You know what I'm saying? And I kind of wish she was on this call because I don't want to talk bad about her. She probably feels really great about that savings. But the truth is when you become married, two become one. And until the two become one, it gets really weird and very transactional, right, George? Yeah. This is, I think it's the wrong question to ask. Because it moral to ask my wife to pay off my debt? There's not a moral issue here. It's what does the conversation need to look like for us to combine our money to where we go, all right, the next best move is to pay off our debt with our money. That's where I'd love for you guys to get to. Otherwise, this is going to just be another checkbox on her resentment scorecard for you.

I've gone, remember, you blew my savings on that car and then you went and still did stupid money mistakes. You always do this, right? That's what it's going to turn into because you never change your habits. So when we talked about it, the reason that she doesn't want to do it, because she said I'd be 100% on board, but we do have a daughter who she kind of like, she feels like if I ever have an emergency,

I have this money instead of having bills and giving loans to pay off if anything happened. So you guys need to go counseling. Here's why, because she's in a just-in-case mode. She's like, I want to make sure I have this. shoot here just in case I got to pull the lever and so that points to either something that's happened in the past that she's not dealt with fully or there's current trust issues that are actually going on between you and her that maybe you don't know about but it's something that

she's been ruminating on so something's going on deeper here and I don't say that to be negative that's just what money does money shows you what's really in your heart and what's really what's going on and so this is good it's good that you guys are seeing this you're two years in it's good that you're going, okay, there's something wrong here. I'm feeling like this. I'm feeling I have to ask you for money. There's a lack of trust. Now is the time for you guys to dig in that with counseling.

Because going forward, you're not going to be able to accomplish much if you don't deal with this. Because most goals, when you're married, most goals are kind of underpinned by finances, right? Because it takes money to do stuff. Yeah, it takes money to do stuff. And if you guys aren't aligned on your money, then there's no way you're going to be able to be aligned on the goals because let's just pretend your goal is I don't know our goal is we want to get to the point that we take a nice vacation every year all right then the way you guys are going you've got to save for your half and she's got to save for her half and what happens if somebody doesn't make it

well I guess we can't go on the vacation like it gets very weird very quickly you see what I'm saying well I think it's just the cold car thing because we've gone on vacations and no you don't see what I'm saying. You're taking it for face value. I'm talking about as a whole. This is something you've got to deal with because the car, her not wanting to do that or whatever, that's a symptom of a bigger problem is what I'm saying. What is this car worth? It's worth like seven to eight. Did you roll negative equity into it? What happened? Well, I got the car two years ago. I just recently crashed. Again? It was honestly just stupid. Stupid mistake.

You crashed again? No, no, no. When I crashed our only car, I went in and I got this car, and it was supposed to be like a good thing, but it ended up just not being a good thing. No, I'm saying why is this new car that you got after the crash only worth of seven, but you owe 20? It's only been two years. It was bad investment.

I wasn't supposed to get the car because it was a bad investment at the time I, like I said, I made a stupid decision and I thought I was on top of the world But, no, I'm confused as to how the value went down Because when you bought the car, it was worth at least 20, right? Yeah What kind of car is it?

Well, no, no, no, it's a 2013 Cadillac. Samuel, I'm confused. How much should you pay for the car? So I originally got it for 20 Okay, so you put nothing down and you got this car I actually put $4,000 down That's wild I'm so confused my man

You're not track I'm not tracking with you How is the car only worth seven today How did it drop $13,000 in value in two years I'm not sure I carried blue book at the other day And it was out It was from seven to nine Okay. Something ain't adding up here, because I'm trying to figure out how much you're underwater in. I think you need to get rid of this car to show your wife that you're serious about changing. Because right now, you're using her like a bank to bail you out. Bank of wife. Guess what? She's not your mom. She doesn't want to be your mom. She married you to have a partner in life, and right now we're still making childish decisions.

And that's probably what's contributing to her having her safety harness ready to go at a moment's notice. I think that we need to address this conversation in a different way, not is it moral to ask my wife to pay off my debt? It's you going, hey, babe, I've really messed up. For the last two years, I have not been the man in this marriage that you need me to be. I've been making child decisions, and I'm ready to change. Part of that is, I want to get rid of this car and get something more affordable that isn't taken up a lot of our world. Will you help me on this journey to live debt-free, to have an emergency fund, and to build for the future? Because that's the future you deserve.

that's a different conversation, isn't it? Right. Yeah, for sure. So I think that's the next conversation to have. And I think part of that is the counseling. We need to get to the bottom of what is holding her back from combining finances. But I think we both have a part to play in this. That's marriage and we need to own up for the part that we played.

And please, please, no more decisions that involve debt. No more decisions that aren't fully have her involved, too. That's another piece of this. She hasn't been involved in any of this. Bring her into the conversation and your marriage will be better for it. That's it for this hour of the Ramsey show. We'll be back before you know it.