The Ramsey Show - App - Gift-Giving in My Family Is Giving Me Anxiety (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill. Co-hosting today with me this hour is my dear friend, good friend, Dr. John Deloney. 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. If you have any questions about your life, anxiety, your mind, your mental state, what can you do to really help you elevate in your life, or just about your money.

If you're a millennial, you have a question about any of that type of stuff, give us a call. The one and only Dr. D is in the building. I'm in the building, and we would love to have a conversation with you. How was of stuff, give us a call. The one and only Dr. D is in the building. I'm in the building. And we would love to have a conversation with you. How was your weekend, man? It was all right. How about yours?

It was good. I played a lot of golf and just enjoyed getting better at this golf game. It's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous game. And let the Internet light me up on that one. Yeah. I read some books. Twitter world.

Get him. He just said golf is not a good sport. Went hiking. You went hiking? I did. That's good. It was good, man. Took my little boy hiking.

It was good. That's good. Spent some time out in the heat. It's hot. It is, man. Nashville, Tennessee, it's hot. It really is. It really is.

And I can't afford to get any darker, so. I can afford a lot. I'm embarrassingly pale, so I definitely need to get outside some. It was beautiful, beautiful, man. Hey, I want to shout out the YouTube family. Every time I get on the show, I like to personally thank our YouTube tribe for watching us. We got about 2,200 amazing people watching us on YouTube live right now. Thank you all so much for tuning in.

If you're ever one day just sitting at the house, you should log on to youtube check out the dave ramsey show live it's to see john's and i and christy and hogan's and ken's and dave's facial expressions and the comment section are just amazing so uh shout out to the youtube family but 888-825-5225 we have a whole hour we want to talk to you answer your questions and let's start it off with Kelly out in Houston. Kelly, how can Dr. D and I help? Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call today. So I've been dreaming and working on an e-commerce business for a few years.

And I'm to the point where I need to make a decision on how to fund the business. And I've researched a couple of options to do so and wanted to get your input on which option makes the most financial sense or if either of these options are not good financial sense. So the two options I've researched are either using my existing IRA to roll money over and set up an owner K or use existing IRA money to set up a business IRA? I wanted to see which one you would recommend. I don't like neither one of them, Kelly. They're both IRAs.

They're both going into the future. We do everything straight up cash here. We don't borrow against our future. We don't take out from our future. Only thing that we are going to suggest that you do is move slowly and move with cash. You're going to move at the speed of your

cash. What's your business? Okay. Well, the first phase of it is going to be a gift slash care package business. What kind of gifts? What kind of care package business. What kind of gifts? What kind of care package?

Different. So the idea being, and I do want to start off slow and hopefully grow it over time, but in the beginning, do, you know, gifts for new moms, gifts for like spa packages, kind of have a little something for male and female. Yeah. So let me ask you this question. How much do you think you, you need to successfully start off? So I've done, um, I've reached out to a marketing agency and, um, they've given me, actually I've reached out to several and, um and the one that I like the most, and they're willing to work with me.

So your input on starting off slow, they are willing to work with me on that. But if I wanted to go all in and do everything up front, which they would help me develop my website, help me develop my brand, logo, et cetera, it would be about $ five thousand dollars yes that's a lot of money for a logo that's a lot of money for a website that's a lot of money that for someone starting off slow okay you can you can build a website at your level right now for about six hundred to a thousand dollars you can build a logo for your level right now for about 600 to a thousand dollars. You can build a logo for your level right now for about $500. And so I think oftentimes a lot of people get excited. Oh,

I'm about to go into business. I'm about to jump out there and they jump way out there. And when honestly one step at a time. So this is what I'm going to recommend, Kelly. I am going to, I want you to send a lot. I'm going to have Kelly. I am going to, I want you to stay on the line. I'm going to have Kelly give you, our phone producer,

give you a copy of Christy Wright's book, Business Boutique. And I want you to read that book. She's really going to walk you through the process on how to do certain things. I want you to go online. I want you to look up some affordable websites because you do need a website. I do believe that it is important. You do need a decent logo for right now. But what I love about moving at the speed of cash, Dr. D,

is I don't have to come out with a $10,000 logo because a $10,000 logo is not going to make someone else want to buy into my products even more. It's my product and it's my service of how I treat them and it's a product quality. And that's what I love about Christie's book is it's my service of how I treat them and it's a product quality. And that's what I love about Christy's book is it's going to reinforce that idea. When I get a basket from somebody that, you know, like this business in Houston is going to be a great idea. It's going to be a great business.

But when I get my basket from somebody who cares and loves about me, that's me giving you a hint there, Anthony. You're going to send me a basket. You're not a new mom. I'm going to look at it. It was for men and women, too. But you're not a new daddy, neither. That's true.

Come on, man. But I would get it, and I would look at it, and I'd say, this is awesome. I'm going to look at the card, and then I'm going to get somebody out of that one, right? So it's going to be word of mouth. It's going to be slow grass build. It's going to be incredible. Grassroots building. And that way you're not trying to dig out of a

$75,000 hole that you barred against your future just to get out the door. Absolutely. And then marketing too. You can market yourself right now. With the power of social media today, you can get out there and do some ad spins with Instagram, with Facebook,

with MySpace if they're still around. Is MySpace? MySpace is not around anymore. I'm giving them a shout out. I like MySpace. You know, you can get creative with how you do it. You know, right now, set a goal. Set a goal. And this is for anybody who wants to start a business.

Use your warm market. If you start a business, use your warm market. The warm market is, hey, who business, use your warm market. Warm market is, hey, who are the people who are already known? And then when you get them buying into your product, hey, can you refer me to your social media page? Can you tag me in a picture? And then now your warm market is reaching out to their warm market to send you customers, send you clients. You don't have to go out there and drop a large check. You don't have to go out there and have this big old business. No.

Baby steps. Baby steps along the journey. And then as you're building your cash, then you're elevating, then you're stepping up. But never ever, you guys, borrow against your IRA. Never ever, ever, ever, ever borrow money. Never ever, ever

trust the government to give you money as a grant. No, ever, ever, ever borrow money. Never, ever, ever trust a government to give you money as a grant. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Don't do it. Don't do it. And it's hard when you want to start a business and you get that Tia Cref letter every month or every quarter that says, hey, you got $75,000 here. Yeah.

You can just borrow from it and we'll make it easy for you. I get the temptation. Don't do it. Don't the temptation. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. And YouTube, I did say MySpace. I know they're not around. I just had to make it. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. In today's world, technology and innovation are crucial for any company's success. But the primary focus should always be on you and meeting your needs. That's why you get the best of both

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Dr. D and myself are here answering your questions some of you all on YouTube have said it's been busy we have about one or two phone lines open we would love to have you call in and ask us a question because we love just talking you know this is an open show give us a question because we love just talking. You know, this is an open show.

Give us a call and we can answer any question about your money, about your life, if you're struggling about anything. Give us a call, 888-825-5225. We're going to go out to Des Moines and have a conversation with Alisa. Alisa, how can Dr. D and I help? Hi, guys. How are you doing today? So good, Alisa. Howisa, how can Dr. D and I help? Hi guys. How are you doing today? So good, Alisa. How are you? I'm doing well. Um, so I am currently on baby step two and I just

want to say absolutely kicking butt and I'm like taking names. Like I'm loving this. I feel like I'm doing fantastic. And so I just wanted to say like, it's been amazing so far. Um, that's incredible. Good for you. Thanks. Uh, and so with all that excitement, I also have some anxiety I've been kind of dealing with. So I have a big family, five siblings, um, and none of them are doing the same process, which, you know, they do their own thing. I do my own thing. And when it comes to, like, holidays and birthdays, we all come together and get my parents really big gifts. So I, like, so for my dad's birthday is coming up, and we just bought him a $3,000 mower. It means his 60th birthday. So, like, it's supposed to be a bigger gift but when my brother texted me saying it was going to be 400 at like i don't know my stomach just dropped yeah there's a lot of yeah so it was

like i have a couple part-time jobs and so that was almost a full two-week part-time like paycheck and so i'm just trying to figure out like how to handle it, how to say no without feeling judged. Cause I definitely have some close-minded siblings. And I even like, I even lie to my dad when he's like, I'm like, Hey dad, I just paid off a loan. He's like, that's awesome. Are you saving for retirement though? Like make sure. And I'm like, yeah, even though I'm not right now. Cause I just, I don't have that confidence, and I just kind of start feeling that anxiety when I'm not doing what they are used to doing. You bet. You know, they love loans, they love debt, and they love credit cards.

So I'm just trying to get some advice on how to communicate with them, I guess, and live life differently than they do without having that stress during holiday season. Sure. So I want to back out a few things first, and then I'll get to your question. I'd love to hear Anthony's expertise too. One, I want you to make a conscious effort to not use the word anxiety in this situation. I want you to reserve anxiety for moments when your fight or flight response has spun out of control and you've got intrusive thoughts and your heart is racing and you're not sleeping

and you find yourself wanting to be alone, which is leading you towards a path towards depression. And that's a personal thing with me, and it's this idea that we have over over pathologized everything in the world. So the second part of that is this sucks for you, right? And instead of saying, I've got anxiety about it, say, it's really stressing me out because I've got a family who doesn't understand that I'm trying to change my family tree and live differently. And it's real frustrating and annoying. Does that, is that, does that sound fair? Are we good there? Yeah. Okay. Awesome. So the second thing is a hundred percent chance you're going to be judged. And so if you choose to live differently or walk differently or not have debt or to do anything, Dave calls it, just be weird. You're going to be judged. And I'm just going to tell you to

set that brick down and not carry that around for some, for other people in your life. That's just going to be part of it. Um, and then the third thing in, in Anthony hop in here, I think you've got to set a budget for yourself on what you can afford and not. And then you've got to call your brother back and say, this is what I can do this year. And I'm not putting dad's gift on a credit card. And I don't even think you have to go down that road. Quite honestly, you tell them, Hey, I can pitch in a hundred dollars this year. That's what my financial situation is going to allow me to do. And so if y'all still want to get a three or four or $5,000 gift for old man, then feel free to do that. This is as much as I can contribute. And if they want to drink to haterade and get all over you and wine and moan, that's their bricks to carry. And that's their

problems, not yours. Um, and so I just want to give you full permission to say, that's their bricks to carry and that's their problems, not yours. And so I just want to give you full permission to say, here's what I can do. Here's what I can't do. And then just be done with it. You know, I totally agree with that. You know, Shannon from hearing says she says something on here that I like from YouTube. She says, communicate respectfully, but there are your boundaries. And I think that's absolutely true. So Shannon from YouTube, awesome, awesome advice.

Like, you know, if you just respectfully say, hey, this is where I am. This is what I can do. This is what I can't do in a respectful, loving, and honoring way. Those are your boundaries. And there's nothing wrong with having boundaries. You worked hard for your money, so you have the right to say what you can or can't say. So that's my two cents on that. And said des moans what was i thinking it was des moines right you're gonna get there anthony ladies and gentlemen if you do have a spare geography book

feel free to send it to ramsey solutions and we'll make sure that anthony gets it you know what i'm gonna get this next one right you know we're looking at this computer screen about a mile away you know they're so good but yeah we're gonna We're looking at this computer screen about a mile away. That's so good. But, yeah, we're going to go out to Atlanta and have a conversation with Drew. Drew, how can Dr. D and I help? Hey, guys. So I'm 23 years old, and I recently gained control of about $450,000. Most of it's in mutual funds and some in stocks,

and then about $60 in an ira this is all through um inheritance um and so i just wanted to know like what is the best way for me to go about having this money along with my job and what i'm contributing to a 401k to have you financially in the next 20 years if so or like if and that's if i choose uh not to work but i probably would still want to work at that time man that's a good question you know what are you doing right now for a living drew uh i'm an auditor okay and how much money do you make a year right now about 54 000 54k in atlanta that's good money and then how much debt do you have right now zero debt zero debt drew drew i mean 23 years old bro come on here's what i'm going to do i'm going to touch bases with a financial advisor and i am going to say hey listen this is what this

is what i have. And this is one thing that I love that both of our co-workers and one of my dear friends, good brothers, Chris Hogan says, retirement is not age, it is a financial number. So with you having $450,000 that you're inheriting right now, I'm specifically going to get with this financial advisor and he's going to sit down or she's going to sit down and tell you, hey, here's the best way to invest it. I'm not withdrawing any of that money right now if I'm in your shoes, Drew. Okay? Because I want that to grow.

You have $450,000. By the time you turn 33, that $450,000 could be worth anywhere from $750,000 to about a million dollars depending on how you invest it. So immediately I am connecting uh with a financial advisor and you know you know what let's do this i want you to hold on the phone

i want you to get with kelly because when they set you up with one of our financial coaches and they're going to walk you through that the first one's going to be on me because i want to sow into your life at the age of 23 years old to get some financial advice from one of our coaches, and we're going to connect with one of our smart dollar, not smart dollar, one of our ELPs, endorsed local providers, or smart investors, and we're going to help you out with that because I really want you to win with this $450,000. What he's doing, if he is a good steward and smart right now, John, it's a wrap. He's got 23 years old. He's all the way down the road, right? Yes. And what now he can do is he can really double down,

get that six-month emergency fund laid out, and then immediately start saving for a house. And he doesn't even have to worry about his retirement for the next minute because he's just got a gift. Yeah. The way he's rolling right now, he could be retired actually by 43 if he's smart. Well, and, Drew, I also want to pass this along. Everyone in your life that you know well is going to have an opinion on what you need to be doing with this money,

where you should put it, what you should be buying. Why are you driving that car? You got all this money. You should be doing this. Or why aren't you living in this neighborhood because you got all that money? Trust your SmartVestor Pro. Get a path. Get a vision.

As Chris Hogan says, plan it in 3D. Know exactly what it's going to look like. And then follow that plan and let everybody else fall by the wayside. Exactly. Don't listen to broke people to get millionaire advice. Listen to a professional. Y'all, I'm really excited. Coming up next, we've got a young couple over here with the kids on the Debt Free Scream stage.

I can't wait. We'll see you on the Debt Free Scream stage. I can't wait. We'll see Solutions on the debt-free stage, Joshua and Erica are with us. Hey, you guys. How are you all doing this afternoon? Hello. Nervous. Yes. Nervous for what? You have the two coolest people here with you today Hey, you guys. How are you all doing this afternoon? Hello. Nervous. Yes.

Nervous for what? You have the two coolest people here with you today. This is true. And one of us is a Texan, so it's good to be with you. Awesome. Man, so where do you all currently live? Burleson, Texas. Where is that? Just south of Dallas-Fort Worth.

South of Dallas? Yeah. South of Fort Worth. Fort Worth. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is it hot out there? Yes. Very. Very? South of Fort Worth. Fort Worth. Okay, okay, okay. Is it hot out there?

Yes, very. Very? Is it hotter than Tennessee? Yes. I'm glad. I'm going to say it right here. All right, you guys. So how much have you guys paid off?

It's $107,755. $755? Yes. How long did it take you? 32 months. 32 months. 32 months. All right. So y'all ground it down, huh?

Y'all were in it. Yes, he did. That's about two and a half years. So during that time frame, what was your range of income during that time? We started off at about $125 average, and then we went up to about $155. $125 to $155. What do you all do for a living? I'm an aircraft painter.

You paint airplanes? Yes. Oh, you a cool brother for real. Man. Okay then. What do you do, Mal? I work for a non-profit children's hospital in Fort Worth. Okay, so he's a cool one. You just have a real heart. Okay. I like this combination. Sounds about right. I would give

her, because since she saves children's lives and all, she's cool. You're cool, too. Well, I wouldn't go that far. I mean, she's cool, but I'm just saying she has a real heart. That's right. You know? But he paints airplanes. Which is dope.

That's incredible, man. They balance each other out. That's incredible. All right. So what type of debt was this $107,000? We had everything. So we were pretty normal. We had two vehicle loans, tons of

credit cards. Tons. Tons. Like. Tons. Pictures. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Those were just mine. That wasn't even including his. Was that 10 credit cards? Yes. Just yours? Just mine. How many did you have? I don't even think he counted. 14. 14.

24 credit cards between the two of you. Yes. Oh, yeah. Y'all were real normal. American normal. Cell phones, you know, finance cell phones, a flute. We had two vehicles. Flute.

A flute. Instrument. Because why not, right? Yeah. Because why not? Well, when you're living paycheck to paycheck, I mean, you got to. That's right. Gotcha.

Okay. So any student loans in there? I had one, very small. Very small. So a lot of this was really like just consumer. What kind of cars did you all have financed? Well, I had my 2013 Chevy Malibu. And I had a 2016 Ford F-150.

That's a beautiful truck. Yep. We sold that. You's a beautiful truck. Yeah. Boy. But we sold that, so. You sold that? Yes. Okay. Towards the end of our journey, we, it was just, I guess we were tired.

It was, we felt like it was taking too long and kind of just decided to buckle down and get rid of it. It was worth it. I think it was like, what did we have left on it? Like $24,000. $24,000. We traded it in and got $3 to take home. Wow. So I got to ask what happened that got you to on this journey? Yes. So, um, we actually took Dave Ramsey's financial peace university in Houston, Texas,

where we were living. Um, and we took that back in 2010 and we just didn't do it. We didn't believe we could didn't believe it. And so we didn't do anything. We didn't believe we could, didn't believe it. And so we didn't do anything. And so fast forward, 2017, we were living paycheck to paycheck, had all this debt, were in a house. And we actually had three things that happened to me that was kind of like my I had it moment. So the first one was, I have a large family. I'm the oldest of eight. And my younger brothers and sisters, they were having a hard time. And they needed help with maintenance in their house. And so I'm a giver. I love to help people, love to help my brothers and sisters.

I wasn't able to do that. So I had to start a GoFundMe page for them. And that hurt my pride. I don't like asking for help or asking for money. And so that hurt. So that was the first time I had to kind of buckle up and say I don't like asking for help or asking for money, and so that hurt. So that was the first time I had to kind of buckle up and say I didn't have money. The second time was our fence blew down. We had a storm come.

And I'd tell my neighbor I didn't have like $1,500, $2,000 to pay for the fence. And so we had to pay him in payments. So that was embarrassing and another hurt to my pride. And then the third thing is I backed out with my truck in the parking garage and I hit Alexis. And so I'd tell my coworker that I didn't have $1,500 to pay for that. So three times my pride was hit and it was a matter of months. And so the big early 2017, I just, I was done. I had it. I was Googling and trying to figure out how to get out of debt, how to stop living paycheck to paycheck. And of course, Dave Ramsey shows up. And I was like, hey, of course.

We took the course back in 2010. Why didn't I think about this before? So from that point forward, it was I'm done, no more. Had to get him on board. That was kind of a challenge in the beginning. And then just, you know, picking up a second job, a second job delivering pizzas, listening to the Dave Ramsey show while I was driving,

delivering pizzas. That was my motivation, listening to all the debt-free screams. So, Joshua, I've got to ask you a question. Your wife said it was hard to get you on board. You bold enough to tell us live on the air why was it hard to get on board? I'm a free spirit. I like to just do your thing. Yes.

When you want to do it, how you want to do it. Yes. I'm not a planner. You're not a planner. No, I'm on the go. You're on the go. I get it. I get it.

And you're the planner. I'm the nerd. I'm the spreadsheet girl. Yes. Yeah, that's totally me. Okay. What would you all say was the key thing throughout these 32 months? What was the key thing of getting out of debt?

For me, I think it was one, believing that you can do it. Because once I believed I could and I knew I was done, that's kind of what turned it around. My mindset changed. The second thing was kind of communication, opening up, talking to him. Like we had to confront our debts. We had separate bank accounts, separate money. His paycheck was his paycheck. My paycheck was mine. And so getting on the same page, being on board together, kind of talking about our debts, looking at it, facing that big number, that big scary number, and just trusting each other that we're going to be able to take care of each other and join our bank accounts. And I mean, just all those little things that we didn't have in the beginning. So you're looking at a bunch of macho dudes across the country whose wives are scared and terrified

and frustrated and exhausted, and she comes home and says, now's the moment. What do you tell those dudes? It's worth it. Wow. It's really worth it because I got tired of living paycheck to paycheck also. So it's just working overtime just to pay the extra credit cards. And it just took too much of my time, my weekends away from the kids. Wow. So I had to suck it up and do it.

Now you two are free. Yes. So now since you're free, what's next? What's the next move for the family? Well, I mean, it's so crazy that it happened this way, but what's next is for us, you know, God truly does have a plan. And for us, we didn't know this back then. We have two teenage boys, so we kind of thought we were done. And so we are actually expecting our third child now.

Oh, so, yes, congratulations. we are actually expecting our third child now so we can you know we can raise this child and not have all that stress and and debt changes literally changes our family tree well i know what's next for you you two are going to be everyday millionaires and you will be passing down millions and wealth to your children so we're going to give you a copy of chris hogan's book uh everyday millionaire because we already know that would be your next chapter in your life and so we see here that you have andrew and adam with you they're going to join you on stage oh sharp young man too okay are those jordans i see it but hey before you scream i want you to not lose this moment.

Those two boys walked with you through this whole thing. Yes. And they are going to have different family trees because of the sacrifice you two made over the last two and a half years. And, guys, I don't want you to miss this. Your mom and dad are modern-day rock stars, right? And your buddies have flashier cars that their parents don't own, and they probably got fancier clothes that they don't really own. Your mom and dad is what's up.

And I'm proud of you two, representing Texas, I'm proud of you two for saying no more. We're changing everything from this point forward, and you did it. Congratulations, guys. All right, you guys. We have Joshua and Erica. $107,000 paid off in 32,000 months. Let's hear a debt-free scream.

All right. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Woo-hoo! Yes, yes, yes, yes. You know, here's the thing, man. When you are a family and you sit here and you say, you know what, I want to be debt-free. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I want to take care of my young people.

You got to start. You got to make a decision to just start. And that's exactly what they did. It's incredible. They're debt-free. They changed their family tree. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. So before the break we had joshua and eric uh erica in the building doing their debt free scream and uh man uh i don't know what i'm doing with my words today i slipped up again you know i said

and i said they paid off their debt in 32,000 months. It's 32 months, America. It's 32 months. YouTube is like, Anthony, it's hilarious. So I just had to clean that up. I think, Anthony, if you keep working on it, you're going to get there, man. You're going to get there. Blinds.com 100% satisfaction guarantee

means if you miss, measure, or pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use promo code ramsey to get the best deal rules and restrictions do apply today's question comes from greg in georgia he visits dayramsey.com to. I have gone through the baby steps and gotten to step five. And then I got a parent plus loan to help my son who was already college age. And when I started the program, we owe about twenty seven thousand dollars in a parent plus loan with deferred payments. should I start back over at step two and stop everything,

tithing, investing, et cetera, and dump all money to knocking this out? I am investing 15% of my income, and I have a three-month fully funded emergency fund. So, yeah, first and foremost, you knew better, and we're not going to beat you up over the $27,000 Parent PLUS loan, but you knew better. You're already on the plan, but here we are. So you took out another loan.

Go back to step two. Keep tithing, but go ahead and go back to step two, and you've got to dump everything in and pay this thing off. You've got your fully funded emergency fund. I want to get this thing knocked out. I don't know what your take-home pay is, but let's get this thing wrapped up. A-S-A-P.

Not bad, Dr. D. I agree with you. I'm learning my money. If I sit by Dave long enough, it eventually just seeps in there. And me. Thank you. That was a good answer. No, I agree with everything he's saying to you, Greg. Absolutely. We want you to stop everything. Here's the only thing

I want you to Absolutely. We want you to stop everything. Here's the only thing I want you to do is I want you to do not stop tithing. Do not stop tithing. That's a heart issue. Character issue. I want you to pause everything.

Pause your 401k. Pause your investments. Pause your savings and go back to baby step number two. And I want you going ahead and attack that debt. But we never tell anyone to stop, to stop tithing. My personal spiritual beliefs, that's the very first thing with my money. If you're not a believer, if you don't practice a Christian faith, totally respect that. But we're very, very big on giving.

We're going to go out to Midland, Texas and have a conversation here with Joe. Joe, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and myself help? How are you doing, guys? Pleasure to speak with you all. Yeah. Yes, I work in the oil fields out here in Midland. And last year I made $93,000.

Oh, wow. fields out here in london and last year i made uh 93 000 oh wow because of the downturn in the oil industry um my income is right now it was set to look like about 32 000 so that was already making me nervous as it was uh so i looked for a job back home i i i lived four hours from where i work i found a job so i came came to turn in like two weeks, and they offered me more hours here at work. So now I'm kind of torn. I don't know what to do, you know, because I already had my heart to go home with my daughter and my wife. And I just don't know what to do or stay here with the money.

You know where the money is at. The money is not going to be what it was last year. If anything, the increase in hours is probably going to be about $50,000, maybe a little bit less because it's already been six months that I've been short on hours. How old is your daughter, man? My daughter is 16. 16, okay.

You probably already said this, I just want to make sure I'm hearing it correctly. How much would you make if you moved back home, if you stayed home and worked in that area? If I moved back home, I'll make $30,000. $30,000? Yeah, to me, I was willing to lose the $2,000 to be at home with my family. Yeah.

But the thing is, I'm also about $90,000 in debt. I have two vehicles. I have student loans, a few personal loans and some medical debt. Um, so I know I would have to get rid of my vehicles, um, which I, I really don't care. I just don't want to use my house. Um, but I just don't have the money to purchase a cash vehicle. Okay. All right. All right. Well, here's the thing, uh, Joe, and I'm gonna let,'m gonna let dr d even step in here a little bit as well um okay my number one priority as a father if i am a father is my is my daughter okay i'm losing two thousand dollars i'll lose twenty thousand dollars uh to be near my daughter because my number one priority in life is to be a father is to train this child up in a way that she should go um your your your daughter's mother should not be doing it by

herself or the majority of the work your your parents her parents should be doing it should be the mother and father together raising so for me that priority. I'm getting back to my daughter. After that, I am going to be starting to figure out, okay, how can I be a good steward with the season that I'm in? So how can I make more money? How can I be a good steward of my gifts to bring in more money? Okay, if I'm making $30,000 over here, can I maybe start a part-time business on the side? Can I pick up some extra shifts? Can I do this? What else can I do to get my income income coming up so I can attack my debt? But I don't want you to say, you know what, I'm going to pay off my debt, then take care of my daughter, then get back to my daughter. No, I want you to be like, I'm gonna get closer to my daughter.

She's 16 years old. She needs her father in her life and I'm going to pay off my debt. That's my main focus. So right now we can give you the practical stuff on how to really get out of debt but I really want you to be a father. That's the thing right now is being a father and then if you follow our principles of

seven baby steps, that's going to walk you through getting the debt. The only practical thing you want to do is figure out how can you make a little bit more income? How can you use your gifts and your talents to get your income up? Okay. Dr. D? And I'll just follow up with this.

Man, I've got a lot of my friends and community are in West Texas, and you guys have taken a bath this year. It's been rough, right? Yes, it has. Yeah, it's been tough, and I know that's super scary, and I know that the oil fields go up and down like a roller coaster. The farming goes up and down like a roller coaster. I know that's terrifying, but it's been pretty good for the last few years,

and then it just got gnarly. Here's what I do know. What do you do out in the field? I work at the bulk plant. I don't actually go out to the field. What I do is I load the cement truck, mix the chemicals with the cement, and they take it out to the wild to cement the holes so they don't cave in. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know what I know about you, Joe? I know that you can outwork most people in the United States of America two to one. And I know that you don't mind working when it's hot. You don't mind working when things are heavy. And you don't mind working when things get hard. And I know this, number three, about you is that you have to use not only your muscle, but you've got to use your head because you've got to be safe doing that stuff.

Am I right on all three of those? Yes, sir. Especially on the heat. That's right. Oh, man, it's been brutal. You guys got smoked the last week or two. Yeah, we did. Here's the thing.

I think you can find a job more than $30,000. Yeah. I think you can find a job more than $50,000. And I don't even know which direction you're talking about moving to, but I know with your work ethic, with your work mind, and your love for your family, you can put it together. I don't have a crystal ball. I can't tell you what the oil prices and the gas prices are going to be.

I do want to see you get a plan to get that $90,000 taken care of, sell one of those trucks, figure that part out, get with your wife and y'all come up with a plan together. I'm going to give you a year of Ramsey plus because I know you're a guy who works his butt off. And I also know you're a guy that found himself on the wrong end of an industry that dumped you guys out on your heads in the middle of a hot desert there in Midland, Texas. And I want to help you get off your feet. But like Anthony said, I want you to do what you can to get back around your daughter.

Okay? You're a good man. Go get it. You're a hard worker, and we're rooting for you, brother. You know, Joe, I'm going to read this from YouTube. Shelby Ho says, Joe, I hope you can see this. My husband is in an oil field, too, in Midland. We have sold our vehicles and saved for months to get cash cars.

God made a way for us and i know he can make a way for you too i strongly believe that ah dr d thank you so much i want to thank our producer james chiles and kelly daniel our social producer on the phone lines remember you guys the caliber of our future will be determined by decisions we made today and i want you to make the right one for you and your family. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes

or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.