The Ramsey Show - App - Gratitude Turns What You Have Into Enough (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality is my co-host on the air today.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Casey is with us in Ohio. Hi, Casey. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you guys for taking my call. Sure, what's up? Me and my fiance are trying to figure out what to do about, uh, my vehicle, which is a truck. Um, I'd hate to admit that I took a, uh, loan out because

I couldn't pay with cash. We're kind of, we are starting to do, uh, the baby steps and pay off our debt. Um, currently, um, and I bought a $7000 truck, and it turned out to be a bit of a lemon. And I owe $5,000 left on the truck, and I've already paid around $3,000 in repairs. With right now everything, I'm just so worried about keeping it and keep paying it off or try and sell it. And possibly we would have to take a loan out for another car, but I believe I would qualify for a 0% loan anyway for right now. I'm sorry, what kind of a 0% loan are you talking about? For like a six-month or a five-year 0%.

Oh, you're talking about a brand-new car? Yeah, yeah. So you would move from a $5,000 car to a $25,000 car? Yeah, $25,000. Yeah, that'd be real stupid. Yeah, when are're getting married uh next may next may a year from now okay yeah we're what do you okay so there's not there's not a we until may you don't you don't combine your finances with someone you're not married to that'll get both of you in trouble and cause you to hate each other don't do that so uh what do you make uh sixty thousand a year okay what other debts do you have other than your truck i just owe a three thousand on my credit card good well

you've done a really good job other than you picked out a bad truck right yeah if you don't have that much debt. You got $8,000 worth of debt. You make $60,000. We can clean this up. So I don't mind you selling the truck because you think it's a piece of crap, and I don't doubt it is. I kind of think you're probably right.

But I would buy something equal or less, and let's just get it paid off. Don't fall for the I'm going to go deeper in debt because it's 0%, because even with 0% there are payments. You know that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You do not need to move up in car.

You need to dump the truck and get something about the same price range and then say, I make 60,000 and way before next May, the $3,000 credit card and the $5,000 car note are paid off and you're debt-free coming into marriage. I like that. Yeah, I like that, too. That's what I want you to do, brother, okay? And she's already said she'll marry you, so it doesn't matter how cool your truck is. Yeah, you don't have to have a cool truck anymore because you already got her.

You're done, man. You're done. Very cool. Hey, man, thanks for the call. That's how I knew my wife loved me, man. My car cost $1,000 that I bought from some guy that my dad knew at the church. And, man, there was never a question. $1,000.

$1,000. What kind of car was it? It was an 88 Toyota Tercel EZ hatchback, not that I remember it. And my buddies call it the roller skate because I'm a big dude. And I could barely, it was like a Flintstones car. A Toyota T tercell hatchback yes with how many miles i think the odometer kind of stopped at some point it just got somewhere around 300 000 laid down and died it called it and uh what color was this wonderful vehicle it was a

it couldn't have been a more manly tex blue color. Yeah. It was, man, it just screamed, that guy's, he's a Texan all through and through. He's just expected to got to get out with a big belt buckle. All day long. And a knot and cowboy boots. But that's how I knew she loved me for me, Dave. She wasn't marrying me for the cool ride. There's always that test. Oh, man.

The Tercel test. The Terc, man. The Tercel test. The Tercel test. The Tercel test. So I was even worse. So Sharon and I are dating, and she didn't have a car. My little sister put her car up for sale, and I bought it for $750. That a boy. It was a straight shift Pinto.

Dude, my Tercel would have smoked your Pinto, dude. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It would have been awesome. This would have been a contest to ugly. And slow. We're not sure which one would have won. Straight ship. I mean, this thing, it had a motorcycle engine under the hood.

You start it with a rope. Yeah, it's like a lawnmower. That's so good. Hold on. Scoot over, Sharon. I've got to start this with a broom. And it was straight ship. And you're not old enough to remember this, but there was a whole thing on 60 minutes right about that time where

uh they had a defect in the gas tank and anytime they got hit from behind they blew up the blow-up mobile you can so then my buddies are like you really don't like her you got her this car and so yeah we got engaged and i i got her a big time car and and she stuck it out she's doing a little better in cars now my wife hasn't moved up much from her cell we're getting there honey i promise i promise we're gonna get there man but yeah here truth is, though, you should have a story of a car that needs a name from the time when you were broke. And when you're $8,000 in debt and you don't have any money and you make $60,000 and you're getting ready to get married, that's the time when you were broke. And if you don't have that story, it means you tried to circumvent that by going and get a $20,000 car with a 0% loan.

And he's trying to solve a $5,000 debt with a $20,000 debt, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, he's trying to – what are you sick and tired of? A truck breaking down. Fair enough. Frustration from that's what's driving it. but you should, and sometimes if you have to take a penalty step back to the car that needs a name to get on solid ground and to get out,

drive like no one else so that later you can drive like no one else. For years I've been trying to teach people, quit saying the junk car is your Dave car. That's insulting. I look out in the parking lot in your parking spot. That's not a Dave car. That's insulting. I look out in the parking lot in your parking spot. Yeah, there's... That's not a Dave car. That's a Dave car out there.

My parking spot. Now, that's what you get afterwards. Right. You know, if you drive like no one else, later you get to drive your Dave car, which is the dream car, right? It's the stupid tax car, not the Dave car. It's the cool car. Yeah, you drive the piece of crap. You know, I drove one that the predominant color on it was Bondo.

It's like 478,000 actual miles. And police followed me around just to make sure I went out of the neighborhood. And at some point, the odometer just says, I was being profiled. I was being profiled. Rightfully so. Yeah. It was racism or carism. It was carism.

It was carism. That's right. It was carism. I was being profiled for driving a junky crappy car in a nice area this guy doesn't pull up the spotlight stoplight and they go he doesn't fit in around here i'm i will i do fit in but i'm just not driving like it right now yeah all these other people got payments and this one's borrowed uh dr johnoney, my co-host this hour here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family

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and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com, the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you can save even more. Always use the magic word, the promo code Ramsey. John, our question. Today's question comes from Jesse in Texas.

He visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, I'm 24 years old and our family had three cars for the four of us. Last week I blew the transmission taking a corner too fast, so the car is totaled. I am paying my parents the deductible and insurance will cover the rest of the value of the car. My mom's been hounding me that wrecking the car will lead them to having to buy a car with payments. But to me it feels like they're blaming me for them buying a $20,000 car when the car I wrecked was worth around $10,000. I'm just trying to decide how responsible I should feel or what I should be okay paying them and what sort of boundaries I should create with them about this. Should I buy my own car? Answer to the last question first, yes. Yes. Answer to the other question, yes yes answer to the other question you should feel a

hundred percent of the blame because you took the car too fast you took the corner too fast and blew the car out the cost of the car that your parents are driving isn't the point here the point here is i broke somebody something and i've got a i've got to as a part of being forgiven, is restoration. I've got to make this right. I don't know, Dave. This question, I don't like the heart of this question, if that makes sense. You're reading the. Am I reading into it wrong? No, you're reading the sentence structure and seeing stuff in there more than just the detail.

Yeah. Yeah. So this question, my mom's hounding me that wrecking the car, it should have only been worth $10,000. They had a $20,000 car. No, no, no, no, no, no. All that doesn't matter. I don't know. The car he wrecked was worth around $10,000.

They're wanting to buy a $20,000. Okay, okay, okay. The difference is on them. There you go. That's right. There you go. The difference is on mom and dad. You don't have to feel any blame or shame for that portion.

No. But, and so she can't say you forced her to buy a $20,000 car when she was formerly had a $10,000 car. That's right. Go buy a car that replaces this. I'm still trying to figure out how taking a corner blows the transmission and totals a $10,000 car. It sounded like he rolled it too maybe i don't know but either okay so there's insurance right and mom and dad have a ten thousand dollar car and they need to get a ten thousand dollar car is what i'd recommend for them they're gonna get a ten thousand dollar check and and they should just use that to buy that car however that's not on him

there's a there's a deductible right and uh whatever the deductibles are you should be responsible for that and you should go get a separate car of your own which will probably cause a couple of things uh one is it'll cause you to drive differently um and the second thing maybe maybe uh and the second thing is maybe, uh, and the second thing is, uh, that, that then you don't have all this, uh, interwoven stuff with your parents with blaming and shaming and, and you being responsible and not feeling responsible and all those kinds of things. You are responsible for causing a disruption in the family with your recklessness. And you are responsible for any out-of-pocket money that that costs them to replace the car equivalent to what you were driving.

And this points to a broader conversation. I had a conversation with an extraordinary minister last night. We just spent some time together hanging out. And we were talking about the foundations of forgiveness, and he said something profound that I think all of us can listen to, but this idea of forgiveness is if you do something that hurts somebody and you come and say, hey, I'm sorry, I want to make this right, you have to let the person who was hurt speak into, here's how we're going

to make this right. And I can't come to you and say, hey, I messed up. And my expectation is I'm going to tell you how I'm going to, how I can fix this. Because there's a, there's a bigger picture there. Now you're, you're exactly right, Dave. And I missed this sentence here. If mom and dad say, well, I need to get a $50,000 car here. So you're going to cost us 40 grand.

And that's not true. That's not true. That's not true. And that's not, if that's necessary for them to be forgiving, then you have a toxic situation with them. That's right. That's a different thing. But you should make whole any damage you have caused. And sometimes wholeness hurts. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And so, I mean, if you, we had a caller the other day that the friend wasn't speaking to her because she borrowed a bicycle that disappeared. It was stolen. Remember that? Right. It was you and me, wasn't it? That's right. Yeah.

And we never heard how much the bicycle cost. Right. She gave her $500, but was it a $1,200, you know, advanced whatever, mountain bike or whatever, you know? And so we don't know. Did she leave her stuff? So you need to make them whole. Right. bike or whatever you know and so we don't know did she leave herself so you need to make them whole right um and beyond that you know a little bit maybe here or there but beyond that if they start to try to do oh i need double hole to feel okay then that starts to be a problem on their

side of the equation and you know the whole forgiveness thing starts to uh to to unfold and sometimes it's unclear what hole is but but in this case, it's very clear. Well, and that goes all the way down to that bottom question, which I love the way you answer that order. If you have your own car as a 24-year-old, this isn't an issue. Yeah. Not a thing. Changes everything.

Yeah. I accuse you of driving better. However, that has never been the case for me. So just because I got my own car, it never once did it make me drive better. No, me neither. I'm working on it. Thanks for the question, Jesse. Yeah, absolutely.

Very cool. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Devin is in Washington. Hi, Devin. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. I really appreciate it. Sure. What's up? So I got kind of a typical what do I do question.

I kind of have a moral issue with my job. I've been working in banking for the past five plus years since I graduated college. And I've been a long time listening to your show since when I was back in college and I know how you feel about lots of careers in banking, lots of bankers and you know I really I couldn't agree more. It's hard now with a family when the money is good and health benefits are good and the vacation pay is good and so I'm kind of just wanting some some advice on maybe what should I do should I make a career change um should I stick it out what is it in your day-to-day job that you feel you are being asked to do that does not align with your morals yes yeah so I'm a I'm a solutions manager

and so my job is to kind of help relationship expansion um so people that already have a relationship with us i'm supposed to come up with new solutions and and product offerings for them so i'm basically you know advising people and trying to get people to take on more debt and that just feels you know sticky to me okay all right would you and so you when you're looking at it you say i wouldn't do this for my little brother or my dad, and so I'd feel weird doing it for a customer. That's correct. You would tell your little brother, don't do this.

And instead you're having it as a part of your job. Okay. So anytime you're doing that anywhere with any situation, you can't feel good about what you're being asked to provide to the customer, good enough to do it for your best friend or your family, then it is time to start looking for a transition. Is it a panic? No, this is not a highly toxic situation. It's a values strain that's been going on for five years. And so it may take you two or three years to make a transition to something else once you identify what that is and figure out what the steps are to make that transition using Ken Coleman's steps to make a transition.

So but I think you've identified and Rabbi Lappin, our friend, Orthodox Jewish rabbi, wrote the book Thou Shall Prosper is a good friend of ours. And he has, of course, a lot of rabbinical wisdom. And he says it's very, very difficult to become world class at something that you inherently believe is wrong. And so if you believe playing football is wrong or playing a guitar on the stage is wrong, you're never going to be world class at it. If you believe what you're doing as a banker in this situation, you're never going to be the best of the best at it. And Devin, how old are you?

I'm 29. So you're learning a 29-year-old lesson, and this is going to carry with you the rest of your life. When you make a moral stand, when you make a value stand, it often costs you something. And that's why it's hard. And that's why most people, I don't say most people, that's why many people don't have the courage and the strength to make the hard decision. What it's going to cost you here is discomfort if you do it gradually. It's going to cost you

money if you do it quickly. And it's going to cost you your soul if you don't do it at all. Whoa! Bada boom! There it is. is mic drop this is the dave ramsey show so Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and I make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays. When you're looking for sunglasses, it feels like your options are limited. Name brand sunglasses cost too much. Shady Rays the best overall value in sunglasses. They also replace your shades with a brand new pair

if you lose or break them from day one of your purchase. Plus, they offer an exclusive for Ramsey Show listeners. Right now, you can grab most polarized pairs for just $28 at ShadyRays.com with the promo code DAVE to get $20 off your first pair of Shady Rays. My co-host this hour, Dr. John Deloney, in the studio spreading hate and dissension. Joy and love, America. Joy and love.

Joy and love. Joy and love. Love and joy. Open phones at 888-8255. You love to spread hate and dissension. I just... 888-8255. 888-8255.

On the debt-free stage, in the Ramsey Lobby, John and Tamala are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? We're great. Great. Welcome. Good to have you guys. It's Tamala, right? It's Tamala.

Tamala. Tamala. I said it wrong. I'm sorry. It's okay. And where do you guys live? We live in MacArthur, Ohio, which is about 70 miles southeast of Columbus. Awesomeness. Very cool. And how much debt have you paid off? $143,783.09. Not that we're counting. 38 months.

38 months. Wow. And your range of income during that time? $150,000 to $160,000. Cool. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a registered nurse. And I'm a high school math teacher and coach. Wow. Very fun. Good for you guys. Congratulations. What kind of debt was the $144,000?

Go ahead. Lots of stuff. Lots of stupid stuff. A HELOC, a truck, an SUV, a zero-turn mower, recreational hunting property. She just stared at you on that one. Yeah, I got the look. A credit card, a student loan, and a bank reserve line of credit. Wow.

I mean, you signed up for all of it. We did. You were just like normal and then some. Yes. Wow. So you guys don't look like those people that's pretty amazing no well you're not those people anymore so we're not what happened uh three years ago and some change that lit the fuse on this because you went kaboom yeah believe it or not dave i'm a long time i guess uh guru of finance management, we just kind of stunk at doing it.

I got trained in Larry Burkett's stuff in the 90s. I even became one of his coaches at one point. But we kept falling off the cart. I was even working extra jobs, and we kept doing Dave-ish. Or Larry-ish. Larry-ish, right? Yes, yes. But in the mid-2000s, I really got in touch with you because I loved your motivational style.

I'm a teacher and a coach, and I like to motivate people, and I just want people to tell me how it is. And you did that. Yeah, Larry was a very, very nice man. Yes. Larry was very nice, and you would just tell people you need to sell the stinking car. And I needed that. We got on board in 2013 and really kind of got intense. We led FPU twice.

Oh, wow. Yeah, and we paid off $50,000 in two years. But then we got tired. We got exhausted. And we got discontent um that's why your message of being gazelle intense is so important because if you don't get after this thing with everything you got i mean it's real easy to get frustrated that year in 2015 we had murphy strike like crazy and um the fall of 2015 we we jumped off the cart i mean i hate to say it but we jumped off bought a truck bought a piece of hunting property bought a stupid zero turn mower went on a five thousand dollar trip out west and it took really me about nine to ten months to snap out of it and in july of 2016 we said never again yeah and that time you meant it

and we meant it and we got after it and we sold the hunting property which was hard yeah we were going to put a cabin there someday we sold it we got rid of it we let fpu three more times this time as winners and um you got to overcome stuff is winners. And you've got to overcome stuff. This thing's hard, but you've got to overcome it. So that's – and, you know, in the middle of those things, life happens. And there's obstacles about halfway through. Tamela was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia, which is thankfully gone. Yay.

But, you know, that was six months of just hard, and we're in the middle of the journey trying to pay stuff off. And that's just we had $12,000 of house and vehicle repairs during this that we cash flowed. Awesome. Yeah. of house and vehicle repairs during this that we cash flowed. Awesome. So when you talked about when you fell off the wagon and went and bought all the junk, and then again when you talked about when you said never again, both times the emotion came up in your throat. Yeah. What is that?

What's going on? Well, I think we've been married 27 years, 28 years in November, and we fought it for 24. I mean, and the frustrating part was we knew what to do. And we made a very good income, but we were still living paycheck to paycheck, and we finally just really got sick and tired and and we'd learned this the message of our shirt that you know gratitude turns what we have into enough it's a great that's a great message it's a great message be grateful yeah it turns it into contentment yes and so you know those things this this journey is hard've, you've used the quote

before, be the hero, not the victim. You know, the longer you mull around and you're whining, crying, you know, I can't do this. The more you're going to lose, you got to get over it and you got to go win. And, um, and when we really got that mindset, correct, um, boy, we got after and we got her done. So never again is really never again this time. That's right. Absolutely. Yeah, because I don't think you'll live through it. I think she'll kill you.

You're probably right. Spot on. She will zero turn that mower right over you. There is a special spot in the corner of that hunting property that you will never find. He's the spender. I'm the saver. Spender, saver. We gathered that.

But there's a part of this, too, though, that's important to note. You're a math teacher. I am. You're a Larry Burkett guy. Yes. You're a Dave Ramsey guy. You had all the information you needed. All the tools.

This is a hard issue. It is. Absolutely. Wow. As we say, the guy that I coach with, we tell kids you have to make a decision until you decide to do this. It's not going to happen. That's right. There's no ish.

No. It doesn't work. Just ishing doesn't work. It does not work. Wow. Congratulations. You guys are amazing. Thank you.

I'm so proud of you. You are heroes. We're excited. Wow. Congratulations. You guys are amazing. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. You are heroes. We're excited. You did it. You conquered the most difficult thing to conquer in the world, which is a person in the mirror. Yes. It's a difficult thing. Yes.

Twice. Right. Wow. Very, very good. How's it feel now that you're done? Amazing. Yes. Freedom.

As you say in Financial Peace, the two words that don't go together, financial peace. Yes. They're there. They're there. And you brought the kiddos with you. What are their names and ages? This is Caleb and Carter. All right.

And how old are these guys? Caleb, come over here. Caleb is 15, soon to be 16. All right. Carter is 12. All right. Very cool. We also have, have i will say a 31 year old and a 26 year old oh wow very good yes all right well that this is perfect so these two young men

have watched this transition yeah this transformation and uh it's impacted them yes so very very cool dave i wasn't going to say, I have to say this. Most men, when they try to do something, they try to go up the mountain and they fall off, they quit. Yeah. And you didn't quit. And I need you to hear me say, as a guy who trains other young men for a living, other young men and women for a living, you walked it and you lived it and I'm proud of you.

Thank you. Very well done. Most guys quit and you got back up and you had a backpack full of shame at that point because you knew better. Yes. And you put that crap down and you went and got it done. Congratulations, man. Thank you.

That you're the kind of guy I want raising my daughter and my son at school. Yeah, thank you. It's, you know, the more that you can get over yourself and your weaknesses and realize that this thing is hard and you just got to suck it up and you got to go, even when it gets hard, the more that we can win. And I want these two boys to learn that. Our two older kids, Megan and Curtis, both have seen that and have seen us overcome. We're excited.

All right, count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. $144,000 paid off in 38 months, making $150,000 to $160,000. Here we go. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Well done, you guys. Absolutely amazing.

What a great couple. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Well, we've gone through some tough times recently, and John Maxwell says, Personality is my co-host today here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Well, we've gone through some tough times recently, and John Maxwell says, change is inevitable, growth is optional. If you said to yourself during COVID, like our last debt-free scream, Dad, never again, I'll never be caught in a situation with no money and a bunch of debt again. I'm going to have a bunch of money and no debt. If you want the next step so you can sleep easy,

join the group of Americans who aren't haunted by their money. We're launching something new, and it's huge, something that's going to change the whole trajectory of your life. It's called Ramsey Plus. It's an all-access membership that gives you our best money products. You learn with all nine lessons of Financial Peace University and several other curriculums. You budget with the premium features of every dollar, and you track your progress with the new Baby Steps app. You can take a free trial on Ramsey Plus and see how the

Learn Budget track works with Financial Peace, with EveryDollar, and with the Baby Steps tracker app. So check it out. Start your free trial right now. Never again. Now here's how you do it. You text the word TRIAL for Ramsey Plus. Text the word TRIAL to 33789. TRIAL to 33789. Benita is with us in Illinois. Hi, Benita. How are you? Hi, Dave. Thank you.

I am the beneficiary of my brother's life insurance policy. He has a 36-year-old son who's on social security disability due to a motorcycle or car accident years ago. Am I under any, or what are my obligations to my nephew with the insurance policy, if any, and where do I put it? Trust, just in a money market account? How much money is on the insurance policy? $150,000. And has your brother passed? Yes.

I'm sorry. When did he pass away? Pardon? When did he pass away? Pardon? When did he pass away? February. And you are named the beneficiary, so the check is made out to you. Yes. Okay.

Did he have other assets, anything left other than that to take care of his son? Whatever was left in his checking and savings account, my nephew received as well as his vehicle. That was it. Not much? No. Okay. savings account my nephew received as well as his vehicle that was it not much no okay and how was how was your nephew being taken care of prior to your brother's death uh he was taking care of himself okay and so he still can yes he can okay um legally you have zero obligation. Okay? The money was not left to him, the nephew.

It was not left to a trust for him. It was not left in any way. It was just simply left to you. Now, I would expand that and say, relationally or morally, if you promised your brother you would use the money to take care of his son, then I would want you to keep that promise. you i we never even had that discussion we yeah did this was a sudden death so it wasn't did you know you were the beneficiary on the policy i did yes so there was never any discussion that this money was to be used for anything except he was leaving it to you correct did he intentionally not leave it to his son um my nephew has cognitive issues so there was no way he would be able to

manage it right but i mean if he he could have easily left it into a trust for his son and asked you to manage that trust right right that would have been a very normal thing to do in this situation why do you think he did not do that um i don't know is there any kind of will or any kind of instructions that you have that indicate that you're supposed to use this money for the nephew other than your heart is just breaking no there isn't okay okay in your situation where i'd wake up in your situation my obligation would simply be that i have a nephew who is disabled uh and i would want to love him well uh but i don't have any financial obligation to do that uh if i'm in your shoes i'm probably going to do some things for him but it's not out of guilt it's just because he's my nephew and he needs some help.

Right. And now I'm $150,000 more able to help. And so check in on him and love him. And if there's anything you can do to assist him without, you know, but we're not doing any of that out of guilt or confusion about this because you gave me zero indication because you had zero indication that this money was for him yes do you take care of him in any other way and here's here's what i'm asking me i sense something else with this call i sent something else in your voice what is what's grabbing at you um morally i do want to help him out if he needs that help um he's never you know reached out beforehand he's not reaching out now but is there another relative telling you you're

supposed to no would you have helped him out take the 150 grand off the table yes your brother passes away and you've got a nephew now that's got some additional challenges that he struggles with would you help him anyway if i was able to yes yeah okay okay well i think that's exactly where you sit right in that chair okay and that you, you just are a little bit more able to now, but, but you've got to make good, careful decisions when you're helping someone in those situations so that you don't, uh, create some kind of codependency. You don't create some kind of entitlement in their minds or something like that. And, um, but I don't hear any reason that, uh, again, nothing you told me said you're supposed to do something else

with this other than this is your money. Now, which means that I would take it in your situation, and I would use it for wherever you are on your baby steps. So if you're in baby step two and you're paying off some debt, you should do that. If you don't have an emergency fund, you should use some of it for that. If you don't have retirement started, you should use some of it for that. If you still got a home mortgage mortgage you would walk right up the baby steps one through seven and each time you do that you're more able to help yourself and someone else like your nephew but you're not obligated to set this money aside in a separate account in any way and not use it for your normal wealth plan which if you're doing what we're talking about you're doing the baby. And that would be your normal wealth plan.

So interesting question. Well, and also sometimes you find yourself, you know, her brother passed away suddenly in February. And here you are five or six months later. There's a natural part of that grief cycle that this is getting real and this is getting heavy. And now I've got this check. And sometimes it feels like I can subvert, I can do away with some of this pain,

I can alternately pass through the, take an alternate route through the grief cycle by doing the quote-unquote right thing with this money, and there's just not a way through it. It's just five months, six months after your brother suddenly dies, it's heavy and it sucks. It feels like that she would have really liked to have had more instruction. Absolutely. And that's the case in almost every situation with an estate plan. Very few people even do a will. 78% of Americans don't even have a will. It's unbelievable to me. It's just ridiculous. And, you know, in addition to that, there's no instructions

and no discussion while you're alive. And so we tell folks, you know, go to mamabearlegalforms.com, get your will. Go to Zander Insurance, get your insurance. You know, have your plan laid out. Build out one little file drawer somewhere in your home called a legacy drawer where all the paperwork of your life is in there, including that will, including instructions. And you show someone where all that is. And to the extent there's some money involved, like here, this wasn't a will. It was a beneficiary on a life insurance. But you just have a reading of the will while you're alive. You say, this is what I want you to do right she would have loved

to have known that right the heaviness she's haunted the heaviness in her voice would have been gone because she this is what my brother wanted and she would have just done it because that lady right there is honorable she's full of honor that's exactly right and she misses her brother and she would have done whatever he wanted and now she doesn't know because unclear right that ambivalence is just folks do a will and tell everybody. Go ahead. If you're going to make people mad with the will, go ahead and do it while you're alive. That puts this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books.

We'll be back with you before you know it. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.