The Ramsey Show - App - Help! My Husband Needs Ideas To Make More Money! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality No. 1, best-selling author of the book Business Boutique. Her new book on pre-sale, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. It's on sale now for $20 at Ramsey Solutions. Includes $100 worth of goodies to go with it, including a live stream event that she and I will be doing on September the 16th.
Starting point is 00:01:10 She'll be doing, and I'll be doing a little bit of it. But I'll be there, and I'll let you guys in on some life hacks when it comes to balance. She's going to walk you through the process. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Melody is with us in Dallas. Hi, Melody. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, guys. Hey, what's up? Hi, thank you so much for talking to me. Sure. How can we help? So, my husband and I, we have four kids. We make about 50 grand a year, and that's just him. I stay at home with the kids. And we kind of got in over our heads with our mortgage.
Starting point is 00:01:49 It's a little bit tight. At the end of all of our bills, we have about less than 200 that's able to go to savings. And we're just wondering if we need – sorry, I'm nervous. You're doing great. Take your time. We're just wondering what we need to do because we're stuck here. And he kind of, he's open to working a second job and, you know, saving money until he can go back to school or something. But he doesn't want it to be like, you know, he lives his life working two jobs. So he's kind of like, I don't know what to do here.
Starting point is 00:02:29 If I should try to work up in my company, cause he likes his company, but he's just not making enough right now. When you said, I'm curious about one part of your question, Melody, you said we're stuck here. Uh, what do you mean by that? I just want to question that before we dig into all this. Oh, yeah. Well, we really like it here and everything. We feel great about the area, but it's
Starting point is 00:02:50 a new developed neighborhood, and they said that they don't want anybody to sell for at least a year from buying. I don't care what they want. Can they determine that? I don't think so. I don't know. I was wondering, so. Can they? I don't know. I was wondering, is that even legal?
Starting point is 00:03:06 I don't know. No, it's not. But that's what they told us. It's not. There's not a, you don't have a deed restriction that prohibits you from selling for a year. That's just. Okay. So how much is your house?
Starting point is 00:03:18 How much is your house payment? We don't want to. It's only at $1,000 right now, but they said that because of, for tax purposes, it'll be more like $14,000 next year. Okay. And then we have mud taxes for water, and it just adds up so fast. Yeah, and with four kids. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:42 After taxes and with four kids yeah yeah realistically we have to have a path for his income to go up or you need to sell the house one of the two so you're asking right you're asking the right questions and it doesn't matter how much you like it it's whether you can afford it and you can't prosper with what you've got there your house payment is probably about 40 percent of your take-home pay and to your husband's what we figured at this point yeah to your husband's point melody he doesn't want to work two jobs forever as the path to keep this house that he never gets to see so that's not a good plan either you know what i mean like short term if that could change something that's fine
Starting point is 00:04:18 but not long term let me direct you to ken cole.com. Ken is our Ramsey personality that teaches people how to find what they're good at, what they love, and what gives them some passion. And then start, and only then, start asking the questions, what do I have to do to be one of those? What do I have to do to get, he calls it get clear on what you want to do and why you want to do it what's your talent your passion um what is it that that um you'd love doing and what you're good at um and then from that you go okay i don't i don't necessarily have that degree or i don't have that certification or i would need to go be an apprentice to do that. From there you say, all right, I've got to get qualified and then I've got to get connected.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Those are the first three of his steps, of his path, stages, to getting the work, the dream job that you love. So moving up inside of his company might be the answer, but only if it's moving towards something that he loves doing and that he's good at and that he's passionate about. And he sees himself jazzed on Sunday morning on Monday morning. He's not there right now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:38 So we need to say, okay, five years from today, three years from today, two years from today, what could I be doing if I could be doing anything I wanted to do and I had all the necessary degrees and there was nothing holding me back? What's my favorite thing in the world?
Starting point is 00:05:54 And I could make $80,000 a year, maybe. Okay? Start asking yourself that. And then you don't take something just for money, for sure. That's a bad idea. But you also don't take something just for money for sure that's a bad idea but you also don't take something just because it's in front of you and you didn't see anything else lately which is how he got here he just took a job yeah yeah and that's what most people do it's not a bad thing but the good news is the house has kind of given you the wake-up call so i think
Starting point is 00:06:24 you guys sit down together with the kids in bed and you do some soul searching about what he's going to do with his career and is that then going to manifest itself into more money fast enough to keep our family from being broke due to this house and i think you i think when you run those scenarios melody you start looking at the numbers and go what does he need to make in order for you guys to stay in this house and feel good about it and afford it and then you know and is that possible with this track that he's on but then you look at the other option it may actually be both it may be changing careers and you still realize this isn't the house we need to stay in in this season.
Starting point is 00:07:05 And that's okay. When you start to lay out all the options you have, change careers, second job, sell the house, some combination of that, you just start to feel more in control because you realize you're not painted in a corner with two bad options. You have more options than you think. So just spend some time, just like Dave said, when the kids are down, where you can just lay out all the options on the table, and that will immediately reduce your
Starting point is 00:07:28 stress because you can see all of the paths to get you to where you want to go, and then you can make the best decision. Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. I also did want to ask you if you thought it would be realistic for me to try to do something from home having four kids they're five and under be tough but it can be done it it would it would require you to give up any time that you have by yourself right now so it would be before they wake up or after they go to bed that would be when that would happen realistically yeah and so it's just i don't even know where to start i don't have any kind of yeah Yeah, I'll tell you what. We'll send you a couple of things.
Starting point is 00:08:06 I'm going to send you a copy of Christy's book, Business Boutique, which will help with your ideas of where you might start. And I'm going to send you a copy of Ken's book, The Proximity Principle. And I want your husband to get on KenColeman.com tonight because we need a track towards making $80,000. And I don't care how what the track is or if it's three months three years two years one year five years whatever i need a track if you're not gonna put that track in place you need to put this house up for sale
Starting point is 00:08:36 this is the ramsey shout Hey, I'm Christi Wright. Do you struggle to find time to connect with God? Well, I have great news for you. Glorify is an app that makes it easy for you to have a quiet time practice that works for you. In fact, it's the number one daily worship and well-being app trusted by over 1 million Christians. And the great news is the app is free to download. Just search for Glorify in your app store. You could also access their entire content library at half price by using the promo code Christy.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Download the Glorify app today. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Christy Wright, number one best-selling author and Ramsey personality, is my co-host today, answering your questions about your life and your money. If it feels like no matter what you try to do or how hard you work you cannot get ahead, I know the feeling. It's exhausting, it's stressful and sometimes even terrifying. You do not have to live like that. If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, decide that you're ready to do something different so that you get different results. It's time to commit to a plan that actually works.
Starting point is 00:10:25 Financial Peace University is the step-by-step plan that's helped millions and millions of people pay off debt and take control of their money. Combine that with a premium version of the EveryDollar budgeting tool, and you'll make progress right away. It's only available with a membership to Ramsey Plus. Decide today to break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck. This month only, we're taking $30 off the price of a 12-month month ramsey plus membership and it's got tons of stuff in it financial peace university and every dollar are just part of it start with a free trial of ramsey plus today by texting trial to 33 789 text trial to 33 789 michael is with us in Las Vegas. Hey, Michael, what's up?
Starting point is 00:11:08 Hey, how are you doing, Dave? Better than I deserve. How can I help? Hey, so I've never had any, like, financial teaching except for, like, YouTube, and that's where I found you. I owe $280,000 on my house, and I had 50 grand in the bank and I was wondering should I just put that 50 right toward the principal or put it in the market and once it reaches my house payoff then pull it out and pay off my house. Do you have any other debt? No. Do you have any other savings? I have
Starting point is 00:11:41 I have 50,000 in my deferred comp retirement thing but I can't pull that out until I'm retired. Well, first of all, way to go on being debt-free. That's awesome. You're in a great position. You do want to have an emergency fund. You want to have a fully funded emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. So I don't know what that would be for you, but you want to make sure you set that aside. And that's going to be in cash in a savings account that you can access anytime. It doesn't
Starting point is 00:12:08 need to be invested. It doesn't need to be complicated. And you don't want to put that towards the house because you need to access it if something goes wrong. But then the rest, what you're going to do is if you're not already investing on baby step number four, you want to invest 15% on baby step number four four and then you want to take the rest and just put it towards uh put it towards your house and uh and drop that down you shouldn't have any type of fees or penalties for paying a larger sum at one time and that will drop your uh drop your balance down and you're just making progress at the same time well maybe step six so michael the deal is this um i i'm honored that you found us on youtube um it uh scares me that that's your only source of information um and i don't think we we lack credibility we do we do
Starting point is 00:12:58 this for a living but you probably need to get some books and uh some other things i'll send you a copy of our best-selling book, The Total Money Makeover, which will walk you through the whole process of building wealth. And Christy's exactly on track there. We teach a process that literally tens of millions of people have done called the baby steps, which is the shortest distance between where you are in wealth, which was the underlying question you asked.
Starting point is 00:13:24 What's the fastest way for me to get wealthy? Meaning pay off my house, have some money. Is it put the money in the stock market or is it pay off my house with the money? So you need an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses, as she outlined, and you put the rest of it on the mortgage. The reason we say to do that rather than invest the difference is that um the data that we have having studied 10 000 millionaires among those that became millionaires uh north of 80 percent of them did so by two primary things which is most of them in other words they got a they got
Starting point is 00:14:04 their home paid off and that was a big chunk of their net worth, and they steadily invested into their retirement accounts, whether it's deferred comp, 401K, Roth IRAs, something along those lines. But usually it was 401Ks and Roth IRAs, deferred comps usually down the list. So, you know, that's what I would have you do. Let's work to get the house paid off. usually down the list. So, you know, that's what I would have you do. Let's work to get the house paid off. And then when that's paid off, not having a house payment enables you to invest a lot of money per month.
Starting point is 00:14:37 And the advantage is that you're able to build wealth very, very quickly then. Selah's with us in Vancouver, Washington. Hi, Selah. How are you? Hi, Dave. Thanks for answering my call. Sure. What's up? Hey, so I am 24 years old. I'm married. We just had our first baby. He's 10 months old now.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Congratulations. Thank you. It's been fun and expensive. So my question is, here in Vancouver, Washington, as you guys probably know, the cost of living here is astronomical. A decent house in a decent neighborhood is anywhere from, and this is a minimum of $325,000, $350,000. But, you know, if you're going to get a sizable house, if we want to have another baby and have a three-bedroom, it'd be like $400,000. And so the 20% down payment is a very large amount. And I'm just wondering, for people my age, especially the millennial and Gen Z generation, the option of zero down. So we have $16,000 in our savings account. We've got $2,000 in stocks. We're going to have $40,000 by August of this next year. but we're just wondering if we should just do the zero
Starting point is 00:15:45 down versus wiping it out, if that makes sense. Well, zero down, I would not buy a house. It means if you don't have any money, you shouldn't buy a house. That's a bad plan. You're going to get yourself in a pinch. So you need an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses and you're debt free before you start talking about buying um on a first time home buy i don't think we don't tell people you have to put down 20 it's just preferable because if you don't you're going to have pmi
Starting point is 00:16:18 private mortgage insurance which is going to run you about 7575 to $100 per $100,000 borrowed per month. So it turns out to be a lot of money going to an insurance program that pays them, the mortgage company, in the event you get foreclosed on. That also applies to first-time homebuyers and homebuyer programs. So there are no first-time homebuyer programs that don't have some kind of mortgage insurance backing on them. And so it gets to be very, very expensive. And the whole premise of a first-time homebuyer program is that first-time homebuyers do not have any money,
Starting point is 00:16:55 and they need to buy a house anyway. Well, that's a dumb-butt idea. And so I'd stay away from those programs. They're really not a big blessing, and if you don't put down 20%, I'm okay with that, but put it on a 15-year fixed where the payment's no more than a fourth of your take-home pay. And let me tell you what. If you think Vancouver, Washington is an area you cannot afford to live in
Starting point is 00:17:19 under those guidelines, then that means Vancouver, Washington is an area you can't afford to live in. You may not be able to afford to live in Silicon Valley either or on Manhattan Island. Very, very expensive real estate. There's a lot of areas people cannot afford to live in because they don't make enough money to live there. I don't think that's true in your case. I think you're out there looking around at houses and you just saw some you liked and
Starting point is 00:17:44 then you start crafting this narrative in your mind that you can't afford, that the only houses that you can afford are the only ones you like are the ones that all they have, and that's just not true. So I think you take your time, you continue to learn the real estate market, you get a good down payment in place. It does not have to be 20% down, but it does need to be a 15-year fixed and where the payment is no more than a fourth of your take-home pay. If you don't do that, you're going to slow your wealth building dramatically because you used the wrong set of assumptions to handle your money.
Starting point is 00:18:21 It's going to put you in a pinch. Yeah, the other thing I would just encourage you to think about is even if you want to have more children in the future, you can look at getting a larger home when you have more cash in the future. You don't have to have your first home be the house with all the bedrooms and the location you want. Start a little bit further out of town, maybe smaller, less bedrooms, and then in a few years, that home value has gone up.
Starting point is 00:18:43 If you want to sell and you've got more cash saved, you'll have more options. You don't have to do it all right now. You don't have to rush it. Absolutely. This is The Ramsey Show. People always say, when I get this promotion, I'll be able to make a real impact. Wrong. When you make a solid plan on how you need to grow,
Starting point is 00:19:27 you can become the leader you want to be. And that's why Ken Coleman, America's career coach and national best-selling author, wrote his new book, From Paycheck to Purpose, The Clear Path to Doing Work You Love. And it's available for pre-order right now. If you want to grow or create a legacy in your career, you need this book. It's not just a concept. It's a proven, clear path that will walk anyone in any industry through a step-by-step plan
Starting point is 00:19:54 to take their career to the next level. Plus, if you pre-order From Paycheck to Purpose today, you'll receive our Get Promoted bonus pack for free, which includes the audio book, e-book, disc assessment, an exclusive talk from Ken, and access to our live event and more. Pre-order from Paycheck to Purpose at Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage. Bill and Stephanie are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Doing great. How about you?
Starting point is 00:20:45 Better than I deserve. Welcome. Where do you all live? Jacksonville, us. Hey, guys. How are you? Doing great. How about you? Better than I deserve. Welcome. Where do you all live? Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, fun. Welcome to Nashville. And I hear all the way up here to do a debt-free scream. How much did you pay off?
Starting point is 00:20:55 $365,000. Whoa. Nice. And how long did this take you? 37 months. Oh, wow. Kicking it. And your range of income during that time?
Starting point is 00:21:05 $280,000 to $450,000. Oh, wow. Whaticking it. And your range of income during that time? $280,000 to $450,000. Oh, wow. What do you guys do for a living? I'm membership sales with Freedom Boat Club. Okay. And I'm a pharmacist with managed care. Very good. Good for you guys.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Well done. So $365,000. What kind of debt was that? My student loan, auto loan, and a lease, cell phones, furniture, and 401k loan, and our mortgage. Oh, look at it work, people. That's awesome. House and everything. Wow.
Starting point is 00:21:44 So, how much of the $365,000 was mortgage and how much was the pharmacy student loan? The student loan, when we committed to the plan, was about $35,000, but it was $78,800 at the beginning. Oh, okay. So I was thinking it was $200,000. And our mortgage was about $265,000. Oh, okay. So that was the lion's share. Excellent.
Starting point is 00:22:02 So you guys just got 37 months. Boom. Boom. Once you decide to do it, it's gone, huh? lion's share. Excellent. So you guys just got 37 months. Boom. Boom. Once you decide to do it, it's gone, huh? That's right. Yeah, just like that. All right. So I got to hear this story.
Starting point is 00:22:12 What in the world got you so fired up? Well, we have to go back. So about six years ago, you know, looking at our marriage was not in the best of shape and a mountain of debt. And so I began my own plan, looked at my student loans, and in nine years had paid off $13,000 towards the principal and $45,000 in payments. And that was my i'd had a moment moment um and so i began tackling the debt in secret um without my husband's um awareness to alleviate some of the marital stress and so um fast forward to the fall of 2017 we got planted into a local church through our children
Starting point is 00:23:01 and family who had been praying for us for years. And our son was saved that winter, and him and I were baptized that spring. Yes. And so we entered into a fast and a tithing challenge. And so that's when I had to basically confess to Bill that I had been paying off debt without him knowing. And that didn't go over well. So we had to get through that and essentially, you know, had to ask for forgiveness. And once I got him kind of on board, it was on our way over to Nashville, driving over from my grandpa's funeral, that we were listening to your show. And he agreed to do it with me.
Starting point is 00:23:57 And so then we began. And a year later, had paid off all of our consumer debt and established our emergency fund and then began the mortgage. And so, let me see here. What's the church? Celebration Church. Oh, yeah. In Jacksonville.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Great. Yes. It's a great church. Yeah. Wonderful. Very cool. They've been a great family for us. She drug me into that, kicking and screaming, and into the Dave Ramsey program, kicking and screaming.
Starting point is 00:24:28 I'm forever grateful for it. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So you both met God as adults in this process? Yes. We did. Wow.
Starting point is 00:24:36 That's impressive. That's amazing. Very, very cool. Okay. So in 2017, she comes in and goes, I've been secretly paying off debt. So what was it that pissed you off about that? The fact that it was a secret and you had been deceived? Because, like, I have less debt doesn't make anybody mad, usually.
Starting point is 00:24:57 Yeah, I think the big thing was, kind of like everybody else, I always think, you know, you can put that money into some kind of investment and make more money than what we were paying off on our student loans. I think that was the big thing. I used to always talk about it at work with a few people. That and nobody likes secrets. Yeah. That's not cool at all.
Starting point is 00:25:15 Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Okay. Interesting. So you're making the trip into Nashville. The radio's on. You guys are listening.
Starting point is 00:25:22 And you're like trapped. You can't get out, Bill, in this car. And she's got the radio dial on. You guys are listening. And you're like trapped. You can't get out, Bill, in this car. And she's got the radio dial on there. But something you heard started clicking. What was it? I think the biggest aha moment for me was she said, I want to get rid of my Infiniti lease and go buy a used car. I think that's what ultimately made me say okay who's this dave
Starting point is 00:25:45 ramsay guy what the heck yeah yeah this is he's got way too much influence here i need to learn about this character for sure it was a huge turning point for me yep it was cars were a big thing ah okay and he knew that yes made him pay attention so for you to say that, Bill's like, whoa, this just got real. It did. Yes. Yeah, okay. Which for my wife, the car that she drives, I'm a lot more concerned about it than she is. I'm like, you need a better car.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I don't get a cat. It's not her. Cars are not her thing. But you've got to know the hot button, though. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. Very cool, you guys. Very cool.
Starting point is 00:26:24 So your son was how old when all this happened? Eighth grade. He was in the eighth grade. So he just went with a friend to church? So there was a friend that he knew went to Celebration and had been talking to him about it. And so they woke up one Sunday morning, 8 a.m., dressed and ready to go. And we had tried to take him to church a couple of years prior, and it was a train wreck. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:49 But God was in this, and he was leading the way. And the moment we walked in the doors, we felt like we were home. Also, he got up and got dressed and talked you all into taking him. He didn't go with his friend. No. The friend just had invited him. The whole family went. Both our son and daughter were like,
Starting point is 00:27:07 we're going to church. These are the hours. This is the youth program. And it was all based on their friend. They hadn't been to the youth program at all. They hadn't. And when they were on spring break with my dad and stepmom,
Starting point is 00:27:21 they actually picked out a church, got online, picked out a church because they always went to church with them when they went down south and found a church that was similar and got us plugged in. Wow. That is cool. That's amazing. That's so powerful.
Starting point is 00:27:34 I love this story. Yeah. And now no debt, house or anything. What's this house worth? Well, according to Zillow and the current market, it's around $500,000. Wow. It's crazy. And it's paid for.
Starting point is 00:27:48 It is. It's yours. How does that feel? It's awesome. Amazing. Our neighbors directly across the street just paid theirs. Yes. Wow.
Starting point is 00:27:56 And so we come out and cheer each other on. I love it. That's awesome. Well, what's the secret? What's the one takeaway that you're like, you got to do this if you're going to get here? I think the biggest thing is really doing it together and getting God involved in it. That's good. And just being obedient.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Yeah. And being determined. Yeah. And not giving up when it gets hard because it does get hard. Yeah. It gets hard and it's so worth it. Look at you guys now. It is. On this side of it it is
Starting point is 00:28:26 there's a peace and a contentment that is indescribable how's this affected your marriage uh it's totally brought us back together yeah we're doing things as a as a couple doing things as a family now yes yeah that's really cool it's been amazing you guys are impressive yes i love it man what a three-year journey. Powerful testimony. I almost dropped on the place. It's not even the same people living in that house. No.
Starting point is 00:28:50 It's completely changed. Very, very cool. Very cool. And I see our own Kim Little sitting out here. So you're plugged into the official Baby Steps community? Oh, absolutely. Very active. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:02 So you're a big deal in that community then, huh? Well, I think I am. If Kim's sitting, so you're a big deal in that community then, huh? Well, I think I am. If Kim's sitting here, you're a big deal. Because there's 200,000, 300,000 people in there. If she came out here, then you're a big deal. That's fun. I love Kim. That's cool.
Starting point is 00:29:16 All right, 365,000. Get the kids in. What are their names and ages? Bill is 17, and our daughter, Olivia, is 14. All right. $365,000 paid off in 37 months, making $280,000 to $450,000, killing it on the income, too. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.
Starting point is 00:29:35 Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo! Man, I love that story. That is cool. That is really cool. This is The Ramsey Show. Our scripture of the day, Romans 5, 4, and 5,
Starting point is 00:30:24 patience produces character, and character produces hope, and this hope will never disappoint us. Thomas Edison said, What a man's mind can create, man's character should control. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, and is my co-host today, Ramsey personality. Deanna is with us in Jacksonville, Florida. Hi, Deanna.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you, sir. I'm actually a truck driver. I'm 49. My husband will be 60 in a couple months. He was my co-driver, but he went out on medical issues two years ago and has been deemed totally disabled. We were fortunate enough to have a long-term disability,
Starting point is 00:31:13 but we have to fight for that each month for him to get that checked. But he is getting his 1,200-month social security disability, and I make $837 a week bring home and I am on salary and that is after all the insurances um and uh life insurance comes out of my check all that comes out ahead of that number okay so um my husband is not on board with me um downsizing all the credit and getting rid of the car. I've been discovered here about a month ago, and I had a conversation with him this morning. His mainly focus is his every day. I'm only home six times a year, so I don't get to go home.
Starting point is 00:32:03 He's at the house, and he mainly focuses on him and what he's feeling. And we also have two joint accounts. His check goes into his account. The rest of the stuff goes into my account, and I pay the majority of the bills. And his check takes care of his medications and his food and all that kind of thing. So you're over the road. Yes, yes. And I'm in a job that I like.
Starting point is 00:32:33 They take care of us. They took care of my husband when he had a problem. They worked everything out and helped us get his long-term disability initiated because he's getting SSI and long-term disability while he meets the quote-unquote criteria. Okay. You guys are hard-working people. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:32:57 I'm fortunate to have my brother as my co-driver now. But my credit card debt is $20,077. We've got a $7,600 motorcycle that my husband really can't drive anymore, but we still owe the debt on. And if I turn that back in, I would owe $1,500 on it to the credit union just to get rid of it. I did check on that. And we, because I married a widower, we have been constantly paying off stuff from his late wife's situation.
Starting point is 00:33:33 She died of medical issues. It was probably 10 or 12 years ago. Yeah. Because we were married for eight. And we still were paying on a truck that he thought that they paid for that they didn't. All right, let's pull up here for a second. Christy? Yeah, the first thing that stands out to me is the fact that y'all are operating in separate lanes.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I know there's a lot of variables. There's a lot of debts. There's a lot of debts. There's a lot of bills. You got checks coming from different places. But the fact that y'all have separate accounts and you are responsible for these things and he's responsible for these things, that's a piece of it that's influencing
Starting point is 00:34:15 how you view your approach to money more than you realize. It's not just the account that the money sits in. It's the way that you approach it. And so putting your money together into one joint account where all the income goes in and then you guys sit down and do a budget maybe for the first time together. Starting these conversations and putting money all in the same place will give you something different to work from. Whereas right now when it's like, well, this is mine and this is yours, it almost implicitly. You all have.
Starting point is 00:34:48 But when he came off the road, the thing that you had in common was gone. He sits at home. You're not home ever. Yeah. And he has a set of problems and a set of money. You have a set of problems and a set of money. And they're completely separated as if you aren't married is what you described so even when you talk to him about being on board with the plan the framework that you're operating in isn't even conducive to that
Starting point is 00:35:19 plan i guess is what i'm saying so i i'm not saying he'll be super excited about the plan if you were to combine your accounts but I think that's an important first step. You're like the ideal roommate. You're never there. Well, I mean, we're very fortunate to find each other, and we wouldn't trade each other for anybody else. I'm not suggesting you divorce. I'm telling you that on a practical level, your day-to-day lives are so separated that it's very difficult for you all to have a common goal and so what you need to do is step
Starting point is 00:35:53 back from this and set a common goal for the two of you and the common goal would include you being taken care of and him being taken care of so he he's got this he's dealing with the emotions of not being able to work and he was a hard-working dude and he's not able to do that now and that's emotional for a guy uh it's emotional for most people and um and then you're looking he's looking at a bike over here he can't ride anymore and you know you come home from the road and go your best idea is sell his bike and that that's that's not going to fly real good you know and i'm sure i'm sure it was not a good conversation so but the reason for that is i know that the reason you're not wrong to tell him to sell the
Starting point is 00:36:35 bike the bike needs to go i agree but the the point is is that he's got this set of needs and wants over here and you've got a completely different set so we you need to dial back from that and you guys need to get on the phone get on the zoom call get get back in town and reset and say okay you're 65 when you're 75 and i am 59 where are we going to be where do we want to be what do we want our lives to look like are we still going to be operating the way we're operating now with careers with you gone all the time at 59 is that what you want to do it's not a bad thing you just have to decide to do that on purpose and where do we want to be with our money and then what is the steps that we need to take with our money to cause that future out there to occur.
Starting point is 00:37:27 Well, and I think you bring up a good point because with her husband going out on disability, and I don't know how recently that happened, but the effects of that you're still dealing with. And so I wonder when you start to have a conversation about a common goal, even asking him some questions like in this transition, what is something he could get excited about? And I don't know what that is, how he spends his time, is there something he could do, a hobby, something that within his abilities in this new reality that he could get excited about, and that will then flow into the conversation about money and goals.
Starting point is 00:38:00 But in this transition, I'm sure it's been incredibly hard but when you start talking about values and dreams and the future like you're saying dave then then you know what to do with the money but but just to zoom out a little bit because you're right they've got they're they're running in completely separate lanes and you've got to come together on what that desired future looks like what is something you're both looking forward to and working toward and that brings you together to work toward it in your individual ways yeah and and you know the thing is the umbrella can of what we want our lives to look like should be big enough to have both of you under yes you know and you say okay Sharon Dave where y'all want to be in 10 years okay we're 60 when we're 70 where
Starting point is 00:38:39 do we want to be what do we want our lives to look like oh crap we need to make some moves to cause that to happen to cause that desired future as henry cloud calls it that that view of the future that vision to occur and if you don't make those moves because what's happening now is you're making all your decisions based on what happens by friday and what happens by friday for you is distinctly different than it is for him. Yeah. Very distinctly different. But what you want together for 10 years is probably a lot more similar than what happens by Friday. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:17 But then you can both give up something that happens by Friday to get to the long-term goal. That's a good point. Because the motorcycle's not in the 10-year plan. Yeah. You know, it's not. But you can come up with a new 10-year plan. And something else could be in the 10-year plan. Right. Something else that gets 10-year plan. And something else could be in the 10-year plan. Right. Something else that gets you excited.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Should be. Yeah. Should be in the 10-year plan. So that's the way to aim at it and get it going in that direction. Hang on. I'll tell you what we're going to do, Deanna. We're going to put you into Ramsey Plus for a year and let you and your husband work on that. That's something you can both do and discuss while you're on the road.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Both of you can be taking the class at the same time. And that'll help give you a way to talk through these issues. Hold on. both do and discuss while you're on the road. Both of you can be taking the class at the same time, and that'll help give you a way to talk through these issues. Hold on. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace,
Starting point is 00:39:56 Christ Jesus. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.

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