The Ramsey Show - App - Helping a Mother Make Wise Decisions After a Tragic Accident (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

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Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out and has a conversation about your life. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney, and we are here for you this hour. 888-825-5225. It's a free call.

888-825-5225. Thrilled to have you with us. You hear us talk about this all the time on the show. You've heard Dave say it a billion times. Everybody needs a will, and it's true. It's a basic adult responsibility, and there's no excuse not to have one. None. Get a will. There you go.

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I'm trusting my family and my family's future with that will. Yeah, absolutely right. Don't overthink it. If you need to trust, that's a whole different thing. But that's what I needed, that's what I got, and I'm good to go. Yep, absolutely. Okay, 888-825-5225 is the number. Let's go to Kyla now who joins us in Boise, Idaho.

Kyla, how can we help? Hi, I was calling. So my situation, I don't know if you guys have, I just started listening to your guys' show. I'm 33, a single mom, and my daughter passed away back in December. She was in an accident, and we got an estate for her. And I've paid off all my debt. I don't have a car payment.

I don't own a house. I am renting right now. But I have helped out some family members. And I have about $150,000 left. And I just want to be smart with it. I have other children. And I'm just not sure. I've never had this amount of money before. Yeah. And, um, I just started working again. I didn't work for most of the year just from the grief I was going through. Um, but I'm making, sorry, I'm making about $13 an hour full time. And so I just really want to be smart with my daughter's legacy.

You want to honor that baby girl, huh? Yeah. Yeah. How old was she when she passed away? She was four. Four. What was her name? Kayan. Kayan. She was four. Four. What was her name? Kyanne.

Kyanne. Like the pepper. Yeah. Was she spicy like the pepper? Yeah. She was a mess, huh? Isn't that something? Wow.

Yeah, and she was all for God. And she, you know, the last things we ever found of hers was videos of her singing Waymaker. She recorded herself. And it was like little gifts that she left us. And it's just really been weighing on my heart that I need to seek advice. And I need to do what's best for, um, my family's future. And like I said, I've, I've helped out others in my family, um, with the things that they couldn't afford, you know, because I was finally at that point where I could do it and I wanted to.

And, um, but now, you know, things have kind of settled down, and I just want to do something smart with it, but I just feel lost. Sure. Well, Kyla, this is incredibly heavy stuff, and just… My heart's broken for you. Yeah. I was going to say, I've got a five-year-old little girl. Yeah. It's unbelievable. And heart's broken for you. Yeah. Can I just say, I got a five-year-old little girl. Yeah, it's unbelievable.

And her name's Josephine. Yeah. And I don't have a picture of my world without her. And I've sat with another, a number of moms in your situation and I can't wrap my head around it.

So I want to tell you that, yeah, Ken and I are heartbroken with you. And I want to thank you for your bravery for calling today. Kyla. I want to tell you that Ken and I are heartbroken with you. I want to thank you for your bravery for calling today. Kyla, I've got to tell you something. I'm sitting here and you talked about the Waymaker, and I just can't get the lyrics. Waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness. It's on our headstone.

Wow. So here's the deal. Those lyrics. There is a way forward. We'll get to a couple of items here. First and foremost, you're renting right now, a $13 an hour job. Are you doing 40 hours a week? Is that a full-time job or is it part-time? Yeah, I could work more than that. They said if I wanted to, but I just, I get a lot of guilt being away from my kids longer than that because, like I said, I am a single mom.

How old are the other kiddos? Oh, man. So I have a 14-year-old, 13-year-old, 12-year-old, an 8-year-old, 3-year-old, and a 2-year-old. Kyle. Oh, my gosh. We're talking to a real-life Wonder Woman right now. Yeah. Wow my gosh. We're talking to a real-life Wonder Woman right now. Exactly. Wow.

She was the third to youngest. Who's watching the kids? Who watches the kids? What's your support system to watch the kids when you are working part-time? My sister-in-law is a stay-at-home mom, so she keeps my two little ones,

and then my other ones are at school. Yeah. Well, a couple things here, John. I mean, we'll tag-team this really quick. Kyla, I love that you're kind of getting back out there a little bit. You've been through unspeakable grief, and I know there's still probably a lot of healing to do. I want you to get with one of our SmartVestor pros.

I know you're brand new to us. So in just a moment, Kelly's going to really connect you further. We want to make sure you sit down with somebody that's a professional that can say, okay, we've got $150,000, and we want to maximize this, okay? But right now, you're renting. So at some point, I think we need to look at a home. Don't you think? Yeah, that's where I'm stuck because that's really what I want in my next move to be. But with this housing market right now, $150,000 is nothing.

No, no, no. We're not having you jump into it, John. Yeah, it's a solid garage. Hey, Kyla, let's do this. If you've got a few more minutes, we're about to run into a break. And I want to hold you over the break. And there's several things here I want to walk through step by step with you. You've been brave, and you are going to help millions of people who are going through seasons of loss right now across this country.

And we're going to walk you through a few steps financially, interpersonally, relationally with a counselor. And we're going to get you plugged into some of our resources. Hang tight. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. It continues to amaze me how identity thieves keep finding ways to use our own identities against us. Not only do they commit crimes related to financial fraud, medical ID theft, and insurance benefit fraud, but now we have to deal with home title fraud. Thieves are using your own personal info to take ownership of your home so they can take out loans and you end up with a pile of debt and foreclosure notices. Over 4,000 data breaches happened in 2018, exposing 3.6 billion records.

So thieves have plenty of identities to use, and there's a one in five chance it will be yours. That's why Zander Insurance is the only program I use and recommend. Their plan covers all types of identity theft and it takes over all the work if you become a victim visit zander.com or call 800-356-4282 All right, folks, welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. And just before we went to the commercial break, we got a call from Sweet Kyla, a single mom of, I've lost count how many kids, a lot of kids. And she's just an absolute hero and she shared with us that uh a year ago she

lost her four-year-old princess uh cayenne cayenne who had the personality of a cayenne pepper she told us which is so beautiful and she lost cayenne in a accident and so she's received a large chunk of money she helped out some family and now she's received a large chunk of money. She helped out some family. And now she's got $150,000 to invest, to use. And she wants to be careful with it. Obviously, she wants to do the best with it because it is certainly something that has got Kyan's legacy all over it. So it's a pretty heavy deal. And we wanted to hold her over and keep helping her out and help steer her in the right direction so kyla you're back with us dr john deloney's going to take over to start um okay

kyla two quick questions um where's where is dad in all of this um dad is in oklahoma okay um is he out of the picture yeah i respectfully, he knows that he's messed up, you know, because he wasn't involved in her life at all. And so he knows where he stands, and he's just trying to do better himself, you know? Yeah. But he's not in the picture, though. No, he's not in the picture though no he's not okay um the second question i have is is is this is new money you didn't have a lot of money before this am i right so i grew up with a single mom um my dad wasn't around or involved and never paid child support. And so, yeah, we were always pretty on the poor end. And then I became a mom right when I basically became

an adult. And it was kind of the same thing for me. We've always just lived paycheck to paycheck. And so this is the first time ever in any of my family's that are still living the lives that we've ever had an opportunity like this to kind of turn things around, I guess. There you go. How much money have you given out to friends and family? After paying, I had to pay the person who helped with the settlement and everything. So I did about $50,000. So it was a $200,000 settlement. And the person that helped me, I paid about $12,000 too because he paid a lot of things up front for me as well

that I didn't have the money for at the time. Okay. I'm going to give you some wisdom up front here, and then we're going to unpack some things, okay? I don't want you to give any more money to any more friends and family. Yeah, that's my plan. Okay. $50,000 is a lot, almost what I would say taking advantage of a lot, of a hurting mom, a lot. I also know it's got to feel like such a gift to be able to take this settlement and help people for the first time in your whole, whole life.

I know that feels so good, but I don't want you to give any more money out. You can do what you want. You're a grown woman. You're obviously strong and brilliant, but my recommendation is 50,000 is enough and it's a quarter of this money and we're going to move on. The second thing is this, and I'm going to, I want to back out. One of the things that we, when we get money like this, we start thinking of what can I buy right now? What can I spend this on? And it's a, you've been in fight or flight for so long, both from a, that's how you grew up

and then you went right into kid after kid after kid and then a divorce and you've got all these children in your house running around and then you go through

just such a catastrophic loss. Your sweet brain is just trying to solve the next immediate problem. What's the next diaper? The next meal, right? It's everything is immediate. And that is the definition of the cycle of poverty.

I don't have enough money or I don't even have the time to sit down and think because I'm off to my third job or I'm just trying to get the next meal and then the next meal and then the next meal. So what I want you to do for the first time in your life probably, maybe not, maybe you've been taking care of some business somewhere. I want you to back way care of some business somewhere. I want you to back way out of this thing. And I'm going to hand this to Ken. I want him to walk with you through a dream you may have never had, which is, what do I want to do? What would the greatest legacy,

what would it look like if I became a nurse practitioner, I went to med school or I became a graphic designer. Or what are the things that I could do to stick my head up and begin to throw my shoulders back and say, I'm going to take this incredible strength I have and this incredible character I have, and I'm going to change my family tree in a number of ways by showing my kids how to work, by taking them on a journey as I go to school, by trying to figure things out. They're going to have to step up and do laundry. They're going to have to figure some things out on their own. And then they're going to look up and say, oh, my gosh, my mom changed everything. Right?

So sometimes we think of I got this money. I want to make sure I buy the right house or I want to make sure I invest it in the right way. You may be your best investment. Well, amen to that. I think you are. So, Kyla, you don't have to feel pressure here, but I want you to do your best. And I know you've been through so much. I want you to do your best to go back to young Kyla, a time, like John said, where you dreamed, where you wondered about a future that didn't involve kids and just kind of struggling and striving. What would you do if you didn't even have to worry about getting qualified? You didn't have to worry about even getting the job. You just would do it. What do you about what's what's in your heart um you mean like what do i love to do it like kind of work like if i had got to pick a career yeah forget career let's go calling i painted cars really and yeah and i really loved it why'd you love it

well it was i was turning something. They would bring these old vehicles, rusted up vehicles in, and you would turn something from old to looking almost brand new, and you were good at it, and it was satisfying. Yes.

And sharing. I'm a woman, and I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything, but when a woman is in a man's industry, they have to work a lot harder. I don't think you're being sexist. I'm not sexist at all. I think you're being right on. Yeah.

So let's capture something. You are a creative person, true or false? Yes. Yeah. I'm also a choreographer. I choreograph dances for my church. Oh, man. You've got creativity exploding out of you.

God put you on this planet, Kyla, to create. And let's also find another theme in this. What you loved was restoration. You got joy out of restoration. It wasn't just the creative painting. I was involved in transformation and restoration. Is that true? Yeah, it's true.

My favorite part is just seeing the before pictures and the after pictures and going, look what I did. Come on, Kyla. Come on. Listen, listen. And that's what I really loved. And I have this money and I would love to invest in maybe like renting a paint shop or something like that. All right, now we're on the right track. Now listen, Kyla, let's just, I know you got a lot going on right now, so let's just suspend all of that. Let's just be really, really clear on,

if I offered you a job today in Boise in a really great shop and you were making way more than $13 an hour and you were back to painting and restoring cars or being creative, maybe you were choreographing and teaching young girls dance. I don't know, but it's that creative, restorative, or that creative transformative work, right? Because the choreographing is transformative too. I design something, I teach it, I see it performed. If we could transform you into any of that type of work, would you do it tomorrow? Yeah, I would.

Here's the homework assignment. I want you to dream for a little bit over the next few days. I want you to answer the question, would I go into choreography, the music side, the dance side, or would I get back into the cars and restoration? And I want you to let your heart answer what's at the top. And then here's what's next, Kyla. How do I get qualified? I'm not sure you have to get qualified to get back in that car shop, but let's get back in it. You don't.

So here's what I want you to do. I want you to contact some old folks that you used to work with and go, hey, I want to get back in the game a little bit. Stay on the line. I'm going to send you FPU so you can learn how to manage this money. We're going to hook you up with free counseling here. We're going to send you the proximity principle and Ken's career assessment for free. We're going to set you up. Kelly, get her on my show next week too, or this week. Let's get a call in. Let's further this phone call. Let's keep going further on the steps you need to take to do the work you were created

to do. Thank you, Kyla. We love you. Hey, y'all. I'm Christy Wright. When the busyness of life has you feeling overwhelmed, you need to renew your mind and remind yourself of who God created you to be. That's why I'm a huge fan of Glorify, the number one daily worship and well-being app for Christians. With calming meditations, guided prayers, sleep aids, and worship music, Glorify helps you grow closer to God. Download Glorify for free today in your

app store. And if you like it, you can unlock all of the features at half price by using the promo code Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman. I'm joined in studio by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney, and we're taking your calls, 888-825-5225. Come one, come all. You are welcome. This is a safe place for you.

Let's go to Robin now, who joins us in San Antonio, Texas. Robin, how can we help? Oh, boy. I'm really lost right now. I'm a single mom of two girls. I'm 47 years old, and three years ago I crushed my hand at work, and it's not going to get better. I'm not going to be able to go back to my job.

I have a lifting restriction of 25 pounds, and I worked in fire and ems my entire adult life you were good at it too weren't you yes i ran the streets with those those cats y'all amazing but that's wired into your dna because because everything is just crumbling and i don't know what to do all right well let's let's talk about the crumble first what's crumbling hon well um everything i was able to do i also helped take care of my mother who's elderly and everything was going all right and then i COVID, and with all of the medications and everything, even with insurance, it was a big expense.

And then we got a water leak that I didn't know about, and I have a $1,300 water bill, and, I mean, it's just everything, and I'm off, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to let Ken walk through this with you, Robin, but here's a word I want you to take out of your vocabulary effective right now, okay? Do you trust me? Yes. Okay.

I don't want you to say everything anymore. You said it four times in less than a minute. You have some major challenges, okay? But when we say the word everything, our body responds as though we are a meteorite's headed right for us. You do have some major challenges. That's what it feels like sometimes. I know it does.

I know it does. But one of the things that's the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you is to write these things down. Get them out of your head because it feels like everything and suddenly you're going to realize it's four or five things.

They're huge and you don't have the money for them suddenly you're going to realize it's four or five things. They're huge, and you don't have the money for them, and you're going to have to change careers. It's big, but it's not everything. Robin, let's start with the income issue. What is your source of income, and how much is it? It's not much. I'm about to lose the workman's comp payments it's not much. I get, I'm about to lose the workman's comp payments

because according to them I can go back to work. And very, very small child support. Okay, so give me a round number. What are you bringing in right now? About $900 a month. Okay.

All right. So, we have an emergency as it relates to that. And I want to dive into something to get your head and heart aligned really quickly because you're going through it right now. This is really hard. What would you say if you were to pick one word to describe what you loved about being an EMS firefighter. What was it? What would be the word?

Help. Helping people. There it is. There it is. I have given my entire life to service, to help other people that can't help themselves. I get it. Now we're on to something.

So, Robin, do you believe that there are other ways for you to help people who can't help themselves that are not limited by your hand? Do you believe that? I'm sure, yes. All right, so say yes. Say yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes, Robin. Your hand has been damaged. It is limiting you in a very, very clear area of service, but it's not the only area of service. You have experience. You have skills. Give me a skill and experience where you go, I'm top-notch at this, Ken, and it has nothing to do with me using my hand. Take me back to being a firefighter or an EMS. Give me a skill or some experience where you go, Ken, I was a rock star at this, and it actually didn't require me using my hand.

Give it to me. I'm part of a critical incident management team. Yes, I'm certified in that, too. You don't have to use your hand teller, John. No, you take people who have just seen the worst of the worst of the worst, and you bring them peace, and you bring them into the now, and then you point them in the direction of the care they need. And Robin, if it happened right now in the midst of your pain,

if you were driving along and something happened, could you not step out and take over and be world class at it? What we just described. Yes. Yes. I know. So, Robin, those folks who say you can return to work, I know you think they're bad guys for saying it, but they're kind of the push you need right now because you can. You are experienced and you are skillful. Yes or no?

Yes. No, say it better than that. That was pathetic. Robin, you are skillful, and you are experienced. Yes or no? Yes. There we go. Now, Robin.

Listen, a few people that I've run across are more of a gang than Fire EMS. You're missing your gang, aren't you? Yes. Few people that I've run across are more of a gang than fire EMS. You're missing your gang, aren't you? Yes. Yes. You miss your gang. What a tight-knit group of men and women who run the streets at night while the rest of us are sleeping, taking care of stuff that we don't even know is going on.

That's your gang, and you miss them in your soul. But it's also— It's not a reflection of your inability to go make good in the world in another area. All right. So, Robin, we're trying to accomplish a lot. Real quick, I want you and John to brainstorm together. I'm going to facilitate you and John because you and John know this area better than me. No, I'm serious.

I don't have the knowledge. Yeah. So here's the deal. What are some jobs that are related to maybe in that space that she is qualified for right now. You ready, Robin? Go. Nursing, dispatch, counseling, critical care debriefing, social work. What else?

What did we miss, Robin? I don't know. We didn't miss anything. Sorry. Med school. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Med school. Law school.

All right. So now, Robin, some of those answers seem intimidating. What we're trying to do here is get your head going. Wait a second. I am not damaged goods. I am not done. I'm as valuable as I ever was. It just means I've got to pivot and get in a different space.

Robin, I'm feeling the juice. Are you feeling the juice, Robin? I'm trying. I space. Robin, I'm feeling the juice. Are you feeling the juice, Robin? I'm trying. I know. Now listen, Robin, you're in a crisis. So what we've got to do right now is we've got to get a job. We've got to start working two jobs that don't require you to use your hand. I'm not being insensitive.

I'm just calling it out. Are you with me, Robin? Yes. $900 a month is poverty level. You're more than that. You can make money. You must go make money. And while you're just getting stable with getting some income coming in and paying off the water bill and all the things, listen to me.

You're reconnecting with the tribe that John just talked about because that tribe loves you. That tribe knows you. And that tribe is connected. And they can help open up some doors. True or false? True. True. 100% true.

And if you called them up and cried on their shoulder, what would they do? What would they say? They would be here immediately to help me. Then why don't you ask for help? It would be really cool to have some of your old gang come over to your house. You get the cheap beer and pizza that those knuckleheads drink and eat and say, all right, we've got to shake up the snow globe. Love that.

Y'all worked with me. I've got to go do something, and I'm going to continue to help people. So do I go to grad school and become a counselor or a social worker? And some of them are going to laugh and be like, honey, you are not a counselor. We got an opening and dispatch right now that's going to pay $42,000. We got you hooked up. Or we need someone to help fix the Y or the Z or the A or the B, whatever it's going to be. And that team is going to walk with you.

You're lonely and you're exhausted. And you do have some real money problems. You got to get on the hook on that. It's both and. Call the water department and tell them your story and don't be afraid to cry to somebody on the other end and say, I'm going to pay this off. Just give me a little bit of time and let's get back in the game.

Let's start making money. Your hand is no longer a limit. Your hand is a badge of honor. It's a reminder that you are scarred, but you are valuable. Don't you dare quit, America. You are joining the conversation here on The Ramsey Show. 888-825-5225 is the phone number to join in. Today's scripture, Romans 12.2,

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Today's quote, John Carmack, Focus is a matter of deciding what things you're not going to do. Hey, Kim, before we go to the next call, I want to circle back to a call we had a minute ago with Kyla. Again, she has a number of children. She lost a child in a tragic accident a few months ago.

Single mom, dad's out of the picture. We didn't get to it, but I do want to make sure we just tell the audience. She mentioned she's really struggling with going back to work because she feels guilty being away with the kids. She has some family help, and it's tremendous. What a gift that is. I want to tell everybody who is working a $13 an hour job or a $12 an hour job that's trying to make ends meet and also has kids and is stuck in that trap of, I feel so guilty that I don't have my kids, and so I feel like this is all I can do right now.

And you get on this treadmill of guilt and shame and guilt and shame and you get stuck financially you get stuck professionally what i want to tell everybody is when you're clear with your kids and they're able to go to a safe place especially if it's for a season but even if it's not for a season if this is a has to become a i am the one who's going to stare down the forest fire that's raged through my family, as Terry Reel says, of financial challenges, of trauma, of whatever it is. I'm going to be the person who makes the change. Your kids are going to feel it and see it and be honored and blessed by it. Especially if you don't live out of guilt, but you live and look them in the eye and say, Mom is working three jobs because I have to.

That's how much I love you, and I miss you, baby, with all my heart. And it is going to cut down on times when some people are, you're going to hear people at work saying, I just watch shows when I get home. And you're going to think, oh my gosh, how do you do that? I have to do laundry and bedtime. And I just get to read a book and I fall asleep in the bed too. All of that stuff is worth it. That is generational changing work ethic and a gift to your family. And I know that guilt is real, but I want you to know sometimes for us, if I'm going to school, it's going to take four years and I'm going to miss a lot of games. But on the back end of that, my kid's life is going to be different. I want you to lean into

those seasons and go full force and be honest with your kids about it, but don't not do things and live in the stock because of that guilt. I agree. I don't think there's a more valuable lesson that you could teach them than the many things they will observe. And I think you're right, the honesty. When you just tell them kids are so adaptable, when you tell them why you're doing it, they may not understand it at first. But boy, oh boy, you want to talk about cementing. You're changing

everything. Yeah, they'll experience that at the genetic level. So much. Yeah, I'm glad you said that. That's really good stuff. 888-825-5225 is the number. Let's go to Boston, Massachusetts. Greg joins us there. Greg, how can we help? Just having a challenge.

Hi, guys. Thank you for taking my call today. Hello. What's up, Greg? You're live on the air, Greg. Hey, guys. Thank you for taking my call today. Hello. What's up, Greg? You're live on the air, Greg. Hi, thanks for taking my call today. Yeah. What's up? So I just wanted to talk to you guys.

So I just recently purchased a home with my new wife, and, you know, we both work, and, you know, so we're at baby step number two of the baby steps. And, you know, we have a thousand dollars saved and we're now tackling debt spiral. And the through Dave's teaching that talking about how you should pay off the smaller debts to the largest. Well, I have a no a zero percent interest on a on a thing. I purchased a bunch of furniture to fill my house, and I purchased it at zero percent interest. And I have a higher debt at 18 percent interest. And I'm wondering if I should tackle the lower debt first at zero percent or pay off the higher debt at 18 percent. Yes. Do it in order. Do it the right way.

The reason that we teach it, and I understand you're thinking the math. You're going, well, I can't. I got 18% on this and zero here. That's not what we're making that decision on. This is all about momentum. Psychology. Yeah, it's the psychology. When you pay off the smallest debt, you get the hit from it, John.

Take him through it. There's a reason why we do that. Yeah, you're right to look at the math. You're right. Take him through it. There's a reason why we do that. Yeah. You're right to look at the math. You're right. You are. Right. What's going to happen is you're going to knock out this furniture in one month, maybe two months. And then you and your wife are going to high-five each other.

And you're going to take the money that you put in towards that and you're going to roll it into the next one. You're going to roll it into the next one. What you're going to get, Ken calls it momentum. It's a psychology. It's all the same. We can use whatever word we want. We're playing a relationship game. We're playing a psychology game.

We're playing a we're getting little wins game. What's going to happen if you try to go look at the highest interest rate, it's going to be, I don't know, $7,500 for the 18% interest. You're going to go one month, two months. You're going to look up, and it's going to be $6,500. You've paid off. You're going to go one month, two months. You're going to look up and it's going to be $6,500. You've paid off 500 bucks a month, which is great, but you're going to feel like you're not going anywhere. And the temptation to slip back, go out to eat, let's go ahead and go on vacation.

It's Christmas time is too great. And we've put millions, millions of people through this plan. So it's not us just wheeling and dealing. And I know you're going to be like, nah, bro, I won't fall into the thing. Just trust us. Put the math aside. Put your debts in order, smallest to largest, and start knocking them out one after the other, after the other, after the other. Trust the process, number one.

That's right. But number two, let that 18% on that next level up thing, let that really drive you. Let it burn a hole in you. Yeah, that'll help you get through that first one a lot faster. And don't buy furniture on payments. Oh, watch out. Don't. Yeah, yeah.

Buy. That's not even a depreciating asset. It's an asset in every word. It's for your butt, dude. God almighty. Don't put that on payments. It's a couch. That's true. This is coming from a guy who'd rather sleep in a hammock anyway,

so now he's really fired up. Let's go to Hannah who joins us in Scottsdale, Arizona. Hannah, how can we help? Hi, good morning. Good afternoon, you guys. Thanks for taking my call. I'm a single mom with one child that just recently graduated from high school. And also, she just turned 18 this month.

She knows what she wants to do in her career. I just need to help see how to help her emotionally, because she's such an introvert child and not having parents herself. She's trying to get a job right now and just for the sake of having friends. I don't know if that's the right idea. And also encouraging her emotionally too as well. She's trying to apply for scholarships to go to a university. She just started a community college that I'm paying out of my pocket for.

And she's not getting any scholarship approved. Everything has been denied. It's becoming a little emotional for her. She stopped crying and stopped signing guidance. What to say, what to do. I'm constantly encouraging her, but it feels like I'm not seeing any results. Yeah. It just made her sad.

Yeah, and that sadness is real. Do you have a good friend community that you are connected with, or are you an introvert as well? No. I'm not an introvert. It's just that I have bad friends that I don't connect with them anymore. I need to go work, home,

that's it. We're running up against the clock here, so I'm going to be real direct with you because I love you, okay? Thank you. We can talk to our kids, and sometimes when we're sad, we try to make those cognitive issues as we can explain that kind of stuff. Kids, watch us. And if you want your daughter to learn how to connect, she's going to watch how you connect with other people, how you connect with her. And so in this season, while she's still living at home for as long as she's living at home, y'all can have breakfast dates. You can do practice interviews in the living room. The things I'm saying are going to

be silly. You're going to feel ridiculous and cheesy. At this point, she needs to practice relationships. And it sounds like you are the safest person in her life. She doesn't have anyone else to do this stuff with. So I want you to download. I've got a thing at JohnDeloney.com. You can download 20 questions. It's just conversation starters.

How to have conversations. We're actually printing up the cards. Take your daughter out. Use those things. And y'all practice being in a relationship with people again. And she's going to watch you connect with your friends. So go connect with other people as well. And reminder, rejection's part of the game.

It stinks and it hurts. It's not personal. Yeah. Hey, I want to thank my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. Great being with you, pal. I want to thank our producer, Ben Hill, our associate producer and call screener, Kelly Daniel. But mostly we want to thank you, America, because we do this show for you. It is your show.

It is The Ramsey Show. This is James Child, producer of The Ramsey Show. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? Subscribe or follow today wherever you listen to podcasts. We'll see you next time.