The Ramsey Show - App - Here’s How To Avoid Money Drama During Your Engagement (Hour 3)

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Debt, Budgeting, Saving, Relationships, Investing As heard on this episode: Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

I'm Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author many times over. My daughter as well is my co-host today. Open phones as we talk to you about your life and your money.

888-825-5225. Alex in Kent, Washington, starts off this hour. Hi, Alex. Hi, Dave. Hi, Rachel. How are you guys doing? Great. What's up?

I am trying to decide if I want to take on another renter. I have two currently. I would be converting my current work-at-home office into a new room and then moving my office into my bedroom. I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it. I'm on baby step two. I have around $8,000 in credit card debt. And how much would it pay? It would be around $8,000 a year. It would probably be more than that, actually. Okay.

So $600, $700 a month. Correct. And what do you make a year? I make around $57,000, and the other two renters is around $15,000. My apologies. Could you just pay off the $8,000 in a few months, Alex, and not have to deal with another roommate?

That is the current plan, but I'm also wanting to kind of pay off my house sooner than later as well. Oh, your house. Maybe it's a decision. Yeah. Okay. So I'm picking long run. Yeah.

And how much do you have left on the mortgage? $340,000. Apologies for that. how long have you how long have you had roommates i've had roommates for around two years um when i bought the house you've been pretty successful with that getting people in there that aren't twerps uh i've known them for most of my life so we'll see about the third one if i get one okay good track record so far though yeah i was just trying i mean you know you don't want to mess this up and but uh because what it amounts to is you got you got uh two problems uh relationally one you're going to be in closer

quarters now it's going to be a little more crowded around there than it used to be and then two there's four opportunities for somebody pissed versus three opportunities for somebody pissed so and roommate dynamic is a thing dude i mean even if you've known them your whole life it's a thing yeah and uh so you just have to be wise about that if you can handle the emotional relational part of it and you want to make that trade uh of some uh things being a little tighter around there uh then for some money that's a reasonable trade there's not a really a wrong answer here uh you certainly don't need the money badly enough to take in a bad roommate right wait okay i don't know i'm trying i'm trying to think for you Alex In your situation because I'm like

You're making how old are you I'm 26 26 You're making a great income now I mean you're Over 60 70,000 with the Other roommates rent and stuff I mean you're doing great

So there's a part of me that I'm like, man. Why bother? Well, because the gazelle intensity is the $8,000 credit card debt. But I think you can pay that off on your own. And then when it comes to your mortgage, it's the thing that we're like, listen, you don't have to be as gazelle intense about.

Some people choose to be, but others don't. So I'm always like, man, for $8,000, is it worth it? I think what you got to do is is we're putting ourselves in your shoes. And I wouldn't do it because I don't like roommates. But you're a lot more comfortable with it. You seem to kind of be not bothered by this just talking to you. So I'm kind of like, if you want to do it, there's fine. But Rachel's point is there's no whip on your back making you do this,

nothing driving you into this, and that's what you need to keep in mind. Benjamin is in Boston, Massachusetts. Hi, Benjamin. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up?

Hi, Rachel. How are you as well? Hi, Benjamin. Thanks. Yeah, thanks for taking my call. So I'm 26 years old. I make about $72,000 a year. My fiance and I are set up to get married in June.

We have our wedding all planned, and we're just kind of getting stressed out here. It's going to be pretty expensive. We both have student loans. I have some consumer debt that my dad told me I have. What does she make? She makes about $50,000, so she's a doctor in residency right now. Okay, and how expensive is the wedding? We're upwards of probably about $40,000.

Good God! Yes, sir, I agree with you. Benjamin's like, I know. Well, I mean, for somebody that makes this kind of money, that's a lot. Well, so we live together, obviously. We're engaged. I make about $72,000, and she makes about $50,000. So, yeah, it's a big budget.

We are getting help from our parents. How much help are you getting from them? They're certainly not covering the whole wedding. I know. How much help are you getting from them we don't we're kind of just like getting help along the way they're kind of you know okay here's what your problem is your problem is not the amount your problem is there's no end to it because you've not said you've not set a wedding budget no so yeah you guys need to sit down tonight and say okay how much more that we've not paid for already is do we are we anticipating you need to set and manage this like a project i don't mind somebody spending a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding if they've got the hundred

thousand dollars and they're wealthy people okay that's all right but don't but don't just keep spending and then wonder why you spent too much you need to start the project and say okay this is how much we have for the dress this is how much we have for the uh reception this is how much we have for the photographer and this is the total and we're not going over that and we both agree to that amount and benjamin by doing this you guys are going to be pulling numbers so say you've already mapped out a photographer and you have their price maybe you've already mapped out a caterer and you have their price like you're now that you guys actually have things on paper and you're seeing you may be like oh my gosh because

i know how those situations are and especially if you don't have a budget you're in a you know a meeting with the caterer trying all this it It's like, yeah, let's add this and this because there's no limit. There's no boundary. And now that you actually have facts, you guys could go back and make different decisions on different vendors and even bring that $40,000 down some. It's a possibility as well. I'm not saying you guys will have to do that depending on what the budget ends up being. But having things on paper and seeing the numbers makes you think differently than just in the moment kind of going on a whim yeah absolutely and my other concern is that we kind of disagree

on how to handle the money she wants to pay down her loans and i think we should be saving and taking care of the wedding and i'm trying to convince her to do how are you going to pay for the wedding if you don't save and pay for it i guess that's a fair point but we just we kind of disagree on what we should do and i'm trying to convince her to do financial peace and ramsey plus for every dollar and i can't get her to agree that it's worth it so i'm also looking for advice on how i can convince her of that all right we're going to give that to you as a wedding present so she has to go now because it's free and it's my gift and she's gonna hurt my feelings if she doesn't go so um because i you know i have a lot of feelings and they're real i'm real thin skinned and all and kind of tender and and soft and benjamin tell her your why tell

her your why tell her your why why you want this to be on the same page hold on i'll still pick up we'll get you signed up for fpu dude yeah, you guys need to pay cash for the wedding before you pay down your loans. You're right. This is the Ramsey Show. You know, I heard a sad and touching story recently. Zander Insurance has set up a scholarship for children whose parents

died without life insurance. Last year, they gave away over $165,000 to help kids avoid debt and go to college to pursue their dreams. It's touching, but also sad since it's a situation that occurs all over the country and can be avoided in so many cases. This is the reason why I talk about Zander and term life insurance every day. It's not expensive or complicated, and it's gotten even easier with many companies no longer requiring medical exams. Zander shops and compares all the top term life plans and stays with you the whole time to make sure your family is taken care of. That's why I've used and recommended them for over 20 years. Go to zander.com or call 800-356-4282. So I don't have to keep talking about these sad stories. Thanks for joining us, America.

This is The Ramsey Show. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, is my co-host. If you're a long-time listener, you've probably heard a debt-free scream from someone who changed their life with Financial Peace University. And if you've gone through the class yourself, you're finally discovering some freedom with your money. You're changing your family tree and beginning to leave a lasting legacy. This Christmas, don't just give your loved ones some more stuff. You can help them find hope, the same kind of hope you found, and just give them Financial Peace University. It's a great gift. They'll learn the proven plan to save money, get out of debt, build wealth,

become outrageously generous, and now Financial Peace University is available in a Ramsey Plus membership. Get all the tools, all the plans, including the every dollar premium. All this is in there to get in practice. And you found hope because you chose to take control. Now you can help someone else by helping them with that same level of hope. Give Financial Peace University today by going to RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. ramseysolutions.com slash FPU.

Our question of the day is from blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. That means even if you mismeasure or you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. Free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best possible deal. Today's question comes from Alexander in Washington. My fiance and I are getting

married late next year. We set a wedding budget of $25,000 and split the expenses based on income percentage. We did this because we have not yet combined incomes. I'm worried that she will not have her portion of money saved up in time. After three months, she has not made the progress we said was necessary to stay in line with her contributions. In the event that she does not meet her goal, should I cover her portion of the wedding expenses? It is not an engagement-ending situation.

However, it is fundamentally important to me that she achieve this goal. I am willing to tell her we didn't hit the mark, so we can't have flowers for the wedding, but that seems cheap. Realistically, how hard knows should I be about the issue? Gosh, Alexander, you are a super nerd. I would just breathe, Alexander. Breathe. Breathe are a super nerd. Breathe in for four seconds. Hold. And breathe out. It's okay. It's okay.

Oh, Alexander. Oh, I'm so... It's a little tense. It's a little stressed. Alexander, it's fine. You're fine. You're good. Listen.

Your sweet fiance. I mean, I don't... Yes, I do not... God, I pray it's not engagement ending situation i mean if she's going behind your back and lying and a bunch of stuff but if she has not hit the goals her goal necessary to the progress fundamentally i think it's fine i think you're fine i think you guys enjoy the wedding i would turn the legalism notch down like five notches and she could probably teach you some stuff alexander

poor alexander i'm sorry i'm being hard on you but it's just the way he praises it the problem is the problem is what you and i are seeing is we're seeing this is going to repeat itself yes and for the next 50 years and uh the poor girl's never going to make her goal um in the 50 years and so uh what you've got to do is you have to back up and go okay this goal and her not being there and there's kind of there's a alexander your voice sounds more like a father than a fiance yes it sounds very paternal with your language um like you are looking down your nose at her a little bit, like you have all this figured out,

and the poor little thing can't meet her goal. There's a little bit of that aristocracy crap in here, so you need to get your nose down. Your upper lip's going to get sunburned. But the, so, yeah, so I think you need to address that part of your all's relationship, and this meeting the goal for the wedding budget is a symptom of what's going on. And so she's not behaving like you think she should behave,

and you are paternal in your approach. And so I would say, yeah, you guys need to sit down and go, okay, we've got to learn to work as a team here. And we're both setting this goal. We both have to carry our weight. And so what's this look like? Did I miss something? How are we going to work together?

How are we going to pull this together? But instead of you determining in advance when she fails how you're going to grant her grace instead of being cheap and dirty and cutting out the flowers. Right, right. Yeah. It just sounded. Yeah, yeah no it does it's it sounds it just sounds legalistic to me so i think i think there's a lot of guys and yeah and i and i would want to know the why obviously if she's sitting there racking up a bunch of credit card debt and spending money she doesn't have in her life and all of that yeah that's an issue

because you guys aren't on the same page on how money works but if she just hasn't hit a certain goal maybe because of her income or yeah maybe she she just wasn't as strict on the budget as she should have been. I mean, all of it, right? Like, there's just a lot of grace in it. You know, the reason that this conversation is there is more important than the actual issue. Yes, yes, yes. That's what I'm saying. And you guys need to work on that in your pre-marriage counseling,

because you using this voice on her, sir, long-term is not going to work. I can just tell you. That's how it is. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Carla is in Cincinnati. Hi, Carla. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Rachel. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? My husband and I sold our previous home and we have proceeds of $300,000 and we're trying to decide if we just keep that put to the side or if we keep it with unknown medical expenses coming up in our future. What are those? My husband was diagnosed 18 months ago with a rare progressive incurable disease, and his two medicines combined are $800,000 a year, which currently commercial insurance pays all but $5,000.

But he's 63 and plans to retire in a couple of years, and we're not sure what that's going to look like for us. I mean, obviously out of pocket, it's not even a doable situation, but he is going to most likely have other medical kinds of things as his disease progresses. These medicines just help us kick the can down the road a little. Oh, Carla, I'm so sorry. Wow. Thank you. Yeah, we sold our previous home so that we would have this nest egg. When we got the diagnosis, we kind of panicked and sold our previous home.

And so that's kind of where we're at. So what are you living in now? Well, we have a lovely home. We owe, like I said, $340 on it. Do you have any other money value is uh yes we have another hundred thousand in cash that we use for our household budget we have two million um you know in our um um investments um our cars are paid for we have no other debt uh and how old is your husband 63 okay pay off your house today you have two million dollars

okay you have two million dollars i mean i thought you had only had 300 000 of your name the way you were framing this question uh it's almost as if let me tell you that those investments are not sacred they're accessible without any penalty you're over $59,500 you may have some taxes on them or may not but that you know if you use this $2,000,000 on his health that's what it was for and you have a paid for house while you're fighting this rare disease which lowers the stress level in the whole process that's true that's super helpful because we have a financial advisor but i don't feel he's been

super helpful to us and trying to figure this out yeah because i think he's really concerned about you leaving that two million with him's really concerned about you leaving that $2 million with him and not concerned about the emotions that you guys are going through fighting this $2 million or fighting this rare disease. You got $2 million there. It's there for one thing, to make sure you're okay if your husband passes and to make sure he's okay. And if we need to go to some other country and get some alternative treatment,

you charter a jet and you go. You have the money. You did it. This is why one of the reasons we have money is to take care of ourselves. Yeah, I'd pay off your house tomorrow. And if all this unwinds, you can sell that house. the Selber House. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Bryson and Caitlin are with us. Hey, guys. How are you?

Hey. Exceptional, sir. Thank you. Welcome. It's so good to have you guys. Where do you all live? Birmingham, Alabama. All us. Hey, guys. How are you? Hey. Exceptional, sir. Thank you. Welcome. It's so good to have you guys. Where do you all live? Birmingham, Alabama. All right.

Welcome to Nashville. Awesome. Thanks. Good to have you guys up here. How much debt have you paid off? $51,111, sir. Yeah. Good for you.

And how long did this take you? 11 months. 11 months. Very good. And your range of income during that time? 62,000. 80. Yeah. 62 to 80. Yeah, 62 to 80.

Okay, cool. What do you all do for a living? Well, I'm an active duty infantry army officer. That's currently teaching ROTC and UAB down in Birmingham. Yeah. And I've kind of got a lot of different things. So I'm a dietitian and I'm also a grad student. And then I'm in the armyerves as an officer as well.

Is that where y'all met? No. We have a really crazy story. I would say high school sweetheart. She would say I just pursued her quite a bit in high school. Yeah, but we were in Germany at the time. Long after you were out of high school

but she wasn't. Is that it? Yeah. When I went to college I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to know anymore. Thank you both for your service. Yes.

Thank you. My pleasure. Absolutely. I mean, if you guys did 51,000, you made $51,000, but you paid off six. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You paid off 51,000, but you made 62 to 80. I mean, you guys were.

There's something wrong. You must have sold something. Yeah. It was more. I thought I knew what I was doing with finances, having some brokerage accounts here and there. And when we finally did this, I read one sentence in that book. It was like, liquidate everything. So how much did you have that you threw at it?

I think that was about 11 that came out of my liquidable assets. Had no idea how to really manage them. But when I just read that wisdom, I was like, all right, here we go. And so then you paid off the other 30 or 40 by just rolling up your sleeves and doing beans and rice. Yeah. Yeah, giving up meat was definitely one thing. For instance, becoming a vegetarian. I mean, I went down to the plasma center, started doing this, saving my life, TDY trips.

People do, yes, yes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Y'all killed it. That's amazing. Thank you. Congratulations. So what inspired all of this a year ago?

Oh man. Yeah. Okay. This is my turn. Yeah. So when everything crashed and we were moving to Birmingham from a JBL in Washington, obviously post, we have gyms, right? We have lots of gyms, state-of-the-art equipment. I come down to Birmingham, there's no gyms open. So I start freaking out. We got to get a garage gym. What are we going to do? Well, we bought a garage gym and forked out all the cash for it. And I was like, Hey, we just, we, we had a PCS permit change the station. I put it all on a credit card. I was like, the army will pay us back. Don't worry about it. It'll be good, which they did. So I can't knock them for that. But I just put everything on the gym for the credit card. And then when I came home one day after spending another $800 on additional 600 pounds after

we already had about 600 pounds of weights in the gym, I looked her in the face and I said, hey, I don't think we're going to be able to pay off the credit card this month. And that was the moment where she started asking some pertinent questions that we had never discussed at the dinner table. So what does our financial situation look like? And for the first time, I had to kind of man up and say, I think I failed you on this one. And that was my moment.

Yeah, coming home, realizing my spending habits just got out of control, and I was no longer the man I thought I was. Ooh, wow. How long have y'all been married? This may well be four years. All right, so you're three years into marriage at that point, and you go, okay.

You have the oh, crap moment. And you've got to come clean. And you're looking at each other going, okay, now what do we do? And what did you do then? Well, actually, his current mentor is actually his boss as well. And he really changed our stars because he introduced us to you and Financial Peace University. And we just kind of jumped on that bandwagon and he brought it home and he's the spender in the family.

Yeah. You talk about free spirits, right? I feel you. I know. I know. He's a free spirit. And I mean, I don't ask the right question. So I wasn't asking him about finances.

I was almost like nervous about it. And so I think it really helped us be able to communicate about finances, which has just changed our entire year. And so it's just made us really strong. And yeah, that's kind of our story. When a Fulberg Colonel is asking you relatable man-to-man questions and trying to mentor you on a very personal level as a junior captain, you take that moment and appreciate it, and you learn. So, Lieutenant Colonel Koch, I can't thank you enough for coaching me into this lifestyle and teaching me what I need to know. Some of the best servant leaders I've ever met in my life were at that level in the military.

They serve. Not just their country country but they serve their men and their women and this guy's serving you he's a good leader so caitlin i want to ask you so when he says oh my gosh we can't pay off the credit card like this is this is the situation you're thinking wait what what what so you start doing asking so describe kind of that feeling then versus standing on the stage now yeah so that So that's a really good question. I, you know, I was never like angry or anything like that. Um, I think I was just sad in myself too, for not being like strong enough to like kind of pry and ask about those questions.

But he was always like, so reassuring, like, don't worry about it. Like, I don't want you to worry about like finances and money. Like we're good. Um, so so it's it's brought me a lot of strength in the marriage and given me a lot more independence and i feel like i can ask him or like we're way more open about like asking each other yeah do we have the money to spend on that did we budget for it and like having those kinds of discussions which has just made a world of a difference and i love the budget because i am more of the frugal one. And I actually feel like it gives me more freedom to say like, Hey,

I get to spend money on this because we budgeted for it. Yes, absolutely. So I love the budget. That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, I think that that's what's,

that's what is so interesting. I think about money and especially in a relationship like a marriage is it can, it can make you or break you. Like, I mean, it's, it's the thing that can fracture relationships or it's the thing that brings,

even in a hard situation, brings you guys together. And you guys being unified, I think is one of the best testimonies of this whole journey for you guys over 11 months. Like just knowing that unity there is so much stronger than it would have been. I think it's awesome.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done. Well done, rock stars. Thank you, sir. How does it feel to be free? Absolutely amazing. So good. You can conquer anything now. Oh, absolutely. Together, yes, sir. Well done.

Very, very well done. We've got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That's the next chapter in your story. The book doesn't come out until January the 11th. It's on presale now. But I know a guy, so I'm going to get you a copy. Yes, sir. Because I want you to be there.

That's your next step. And keep rolling on through this. And you got the hard part done, really, because you learned to work together, and you decide you're going to control money instead of it controlling you. That's a big thing. You've got to get on top of it and put your foot on its neck, and you did that. So very, very, very well done. Good job.

Very good job. And a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away to a friend. Maybe you'll have the opportunity to mentor a guy or a gal that's reporting to you. And you get them started there. That'll be perfect. Good for y'all. All right. Bryson and Caitlin, Birmingham, Alabama, $51,000 paid off in 11 months, making $62,000 to $80,000.

Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We a debt-free scream three two one that'll do that'll do see that's what happens when 600 pounds of weight is just not enough get you to your breaking not a problem i ever had oh my gosh pretty pretty incredible hey let me just tell you if you've been married for three years or 30 years that moment where you actually start working together might be the beginning of the best season of your relationship ever.

Yep. It changes everything. And I remember the first time I was teaching Financial Peace University back in the old days with an overhead projector and a bad suit. And I was conducting the small group discussions afterwards. And a lady says, you know, this has saved my marriage. I'm like, what? What? I had no idea I had anything to do with marriage.

I was teaching people about mutual funds and term life insurance and doing a budget. And she's like, well, you forced us to work together. You made us get on one checking account. We actually had to start talking and stuff, you know, like, and stuff. You know, I'm like, golly, wow. And you saved our, and I kept hearing that over and over and over and over in the years following. And then I finally went, oh, this is what's going on. This is a forced meeting of the minds, a forced melding of the value systems.

You're agreeing on your fears. You're agreeing on your regrets. You're agreeing on your goals and your dreams. It's all there. Yeah, it's awesome. Good stuff. Way to go, heroes. Proud of y'all.

This is The ramsey show Thank you. Our scripture of the day, Colossians 3.17, And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Albert Einstein said, The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving. Open phones this hour, Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, and my daughter is my co-host today. Up next is Shelly in San Antonio, Texas.

Hi, Shelly. How are you? I'm doing pretty well. Waiting for as long as I've been waiting. I'm getting teary-eyed, so I have to apologize. No troubles. I lost my husband in February.

Oh, my. I'm sorry. I'm 61. I'm sorry. I mean, he was 61. I'm 60. Um, but, um, and,

um, I gave my son the job of handling my finances, which was probably a mistake, but I knew I couldn't do it. And he's done a good job. He's gotten a financial planner. He's, he's done a mistake, but I knew I couldn't do it. And he's done a good job. He's gotten the financial planner. He's he's done a while, but all of a sudden I kept telling him he was playing

with stock and all of a sudden they found out that there's like $27,000 in stocks. But I don't know how much he put into it, so I know there's going to be taxes to do is going to me. And, I mean, I have a house that I owe $38,000 on. How much other money is there other than this $27,000 in stocks? Well, we hadn't done very well saving money. We had two, I think

two new things were happening because he bought extra life insurance but it was $375,000 in life insurance. And you've got that money? I had that money with the financial planner.

Okay. And I'm pulling a monthly amount out. Yeah. How long have you all been married? We have been married 40 years. I'm sorry, Shelly. And have dated for five. So we were high school sweethearts and we were together forever. I'm sorry, Shelly. And have braided for five. So we were high school sweethearts. Yeah.

And we were together forever. I'm so sorry. So what did you do? Did you work outside the home? I did for a while and went outside home with the kids. What did you do? I was a preschool teacher, or I worked with insurance. And neither one can I do now for disability reasons.

Okay. All right. So here's the thing. Let me give you an assignment, can I? Would you allow me to do that? Sure. Okay. You do not need a babysitter you are a 60 year old woman and you're perfectly capable your heart is broken

and your stomach stays in your throat several minutes or hours a day because of grief and that just means that you love your husband and you're a wonderful woman. That's all that means. And it does make it hard to think clearly while the tears are this close to the top all the time. But you're capable. And I do not want you to have a 20-year game plan. You're only 60. I do not want you to have a 20-year game plan of your son and your

financial planner making all your decisions. I do want them to stay in your corner and advise you, but I want you to get on top of this over the next year. You have one year to do it. That's your assignment. I want you to understand what's going on with this instead of asking them what you can do. Ask them what you should do, and then you make your own decisions. I want you to have some power again. Yeah, because I don't even know how much I had in the 401k. I know. I need to sell the 401k.

And you know what that causes? That causes you to worry about stuff you may not even need to be worrying about. Right. Because you don't have knowledge of what's going on, and you don't have power. If you were the only one that said something's going to happen, and until you said it, it didn't happen. I don't mind them being in your corner and saying, Mom, I think this is wise. Or the financial planner going, Ma'am, I think this is a good idea, and here's what you could do. And you look at that, and go well okay but you don't say i did this because my

financial planner said to you do this because i looked at it i understood it and i am going to make the decision now it's going to take you a little while to get that kind of power right now because you're dealing with a broken heart right and plus i i need to add to the story. He stood beside me as I was an alcoholic. Are you still? As an alcoholic, you're always an alcoholic. No, are you sober now? No. As time has gone on through the holidays i've been drinking more okay then you don't need to make decisions in that setting until if you're not going to be

sober you don't need to make decisions so you're wise to share that so now you have two assignments you ready for the second one get sober-huh. Get sober. Amen. That's what he would want. That's what he would want. That's what he always wanted. That's what he would want. That's what he always wanted. And it's your best life, isn't it? It was my best life when I was sober.

Yes, ma'am. Okay. So that'll give you the power back up. beside me and um the church stood beside me and let me just tell you i'm gonna stand beside you i'm gonna stand beside you but the problem with me standing beside you is i'm also gonna kick your butt kick my butt because i love you and you're gonna to straighten up, girl, okay? I am. All right.

All right. But I'm just wondering about when you invest. I don't know how much you invest. I don't either. I think I'm going to sell that stock and pay off your house is probably what I'm going to do. But we've got more important things than the $27,000 and the $38, 38,000. We got 375,000 laying over there. We got to get you sober, and we got to get you where you're making the decisions with, A, a clear mind, and, B, from a position of power and knowledge,

and you don't have either one right now. Okay. But probably when I get you to a clear mind and in power, say March. You're sober until March, and you're starting to meet with this financial planner and with your son and you're understanding what's going on, and they're not having to take care of you because you're drunk, they're taking care of you and walking with you and loving you as you're coming into power and you're throwing your shoulders back

and becoming the woman that you're supposed to be, then you're going to make the decision to pay off this house by selling the stock and maybe a little bit of that $375,000 as well, and that's going to be a good decision. But let's probably not worry about that today okay i just want to make sure i have enough to move on so now i mean my house payment's only seven hundred dollars so i'm you know okay don't have this two thousand dollar house yeah i know but i just want you to have no payments and have the income coming in. So one more thing, okay? I want to put you into Financial Peace University in Ramsey Plus so I can teach you. Rachel and I and the rest of the team here at Ramsey can teach you how to handle money and give you this power in this area of money so that you get a sense of control here if I give you this class

for free will you promise to go through it yes I will okay and I need you to call me back in March and tell me that you're sober and that you're getting on top of this stuff, okay? I will do that. All right. We love you, darling. You hold on, and Austin will pick up, and we'll get you signed up for this stuff. But church standing beside you, husband standing beside you, son standing beside you, and Dave and Rachel now standing beside you, but understand that what comes with that is accountability.

We want you to have your best possible life, and that's going to involve the things we've been talking about here today. And I know your heart's broken, honey. I know your heart's broken. That was good, though. I think that that's a good message of just the knowledge brings clarity and it brings confidence for everyone. So, Shelly, I pray all good things for you.

Amen. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, that's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Hey guys, this is James, senior producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com.