The Ramsey Show - App - How and When Do I Start Pulling From Retirement? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:16 Music Music Music Music Music Music Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king,
Starting point is 00:00:38 and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. This is your show, America. Thank you for joining us. taking the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. This is your show, America. Thank you for joining us. We're so glad you're here. Open phones at 888-825-5225.
Starting point is 00:01:00 That's 888-825-5225. Diane is with us in Cincinnati, Ohio. Hi, Diane. How are you? Very good. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up?
Starting point is 00:01:13 Well, my husband has a good job, works full-time. I work part-time, and we have a side consulting business. Ultimately, my husband would really like to work for himself and develop a business. So we just really want to set ourselves up to make that a transition that's successful here in the next maybe two years. Okay. So we just needed some advice on exactly how to implement that. Okay. Well, there's two pieces of the equation. One is the stronger you are financially, and by that I would mean moving towards debt-free or very close and having some money in savings.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Obviously, if you've got a big pile of debt and no money saved, it makes this jump even scarier. But if you've got a big pile of money saved and no debt, then the jump is a little more relaxed. Okay? Sure. And the second thing is we want the jump to be a short hop not a leap and what i mean by that is is let's work the consulting business until it starts making a lot of money up close to what he makes now and so that's like stepping off the dock into the boat let's get the boat closer to the dock rather than just leaping and hoping we can catch the side of it. So what does he make at his full-time gig?
Starting point is 00:02:26 Like $180,000. Whoa! Okay. Yeah, he has a good job. He does. And what has he been making in consulting? Again, it's just part-time, just when he can do it. So total revenue this past year was about $60,000.
Starting point is 00:02:43 Okay. Well, I'd want to bow a little closer to that dock. Yeah. That's a big jump. And so does it have to be all the way to $180,000? No, I don't think so, especially if you took it from $60,000 to $120,000 in one year to prove that you could do it. Definitely, it's picking up momentum,
Starting point is 00:03:03 and every year is getting the business is getting stronger and stronger so well it's hours spent and it's business model adjustments and tweaks right how you're charging how much you're charging the build the build-up of case clients that stay with you that are legacy clients and that kind of a thing and the more of that you've got but again if you've got a trend line going from 60 to 120 and you've got some money in the bank and you got no debt you can make that jump but from 60 to 180 oh i'm not making that one i mean i i just want to prove the business out a little more than that does that make sense
Starting point is 00:03:39 yeah absolutely and the business is about four years old, so it's still getting a few hundred. Yeah, but again, you could just say, I want to quit next year, and in order to do that, I need to get this at least up $120,000. And we need to get this debt paid off. Right. And we need to get this money. And all we have is our home as far as debt. Okay, that's good.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Then how much do you have in savings? Well, $30,000 personal and then about 40 000 in the business okay good so that's 70 and what do you make uh i work part time i make 60 okay all right and so if you quit if you quit today you know you'd have a hundred twenty thousand dollar income with uh forty plus uh thirty seventy thousand dollars laying around not counting your house payment right right right probably survive but i'm not doing that but but you've done such a good job with your finances it enables you to take a little bit more risk on how close we get the consulting income to the day job income before we quit. That's all I'm looking at, the two variables I use.
Starting point is 00:04:48 What would you recommend as far as, like, living expenses, like, just cashed away? I think you're fine. If we do make a leap. You know, if you want to build up more savings before you make the leap, it's fine. But all you're doing is looking at your monthly budget and saying, gosh, if we had to make it, can we make it? I think all the way back to 25, actually more years ago than about 25 years ago, actually. It is about 25. It'll be this summer.
Starting point is 00:05:14 And Sharon and I, I was making about 120 doing real estate deals after we'd gone broke. And I'd gotten my income back up to that level anyway. And we calculated that we could probably live on 60 because we had no debt and a tiny little house, you know. And so we could probably live on 60. And I figured out that we could probably make that if I quit doing real estate and just doing a little financial piece of books and a little bit of coaching and a little bit of speaking here and there and a little bit of tiny income off the radio show I just started, which was nothing. And really, we put all of that together, and the first year we made $60,000. But we cut our income in half year one in order to go full-time doing this financial peace stuff. It worked out okay.
Starting point is 00:05:59 But we calculated it. And how much did we need to have in savings if that didn't happen? And I think we had $20,000, $30,000 laying around and zero debt of any kind. And so it made that decision to take a pay cut temporarily on the way, take a step back, take two steps forward, easy. And that's all you're doing here. So just to allocate that and say, gosh, I'm not comfortable do we get the income up to 120 on the consulting and 50 000 in savings at home and so i gotta put 20 in savings i gotta get my income
Starting point is 00:06:31 up whatever your number you just pick it out i just made that up but set yourself a baseline and then you go for it on the consulting side so that you can hit that so you can go do that full time or he can't. And very cool. Good stuff. Hey, thank you for joining us. And you guys are killing it, obviously. Very well done. Open phones at 888-825-5225.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Jenny's on Twitter. Would you move the IRS debt ahead of the debt snowball or just continue going smallest to largest? IRS debt's almost the only thing I changed the order on the debt snowball for. And do want to put the kgb i mean the irs at the front because the uh the interest that they are charging you and the penalties that they are charging you are astronomical and if you mess with them they have unlimited power they can do almost anything they're one of the few people that can come just take your check without a court order no one else can garnish a student loan can't but no one else can garnish without us without a court order they have to just you know but the irs will just show up and take your stuff i mean the power is is frightful and uh and they do it and and sometimes it's arbitrary because they
Starting point is 00:07:43 screwed up something with their paperwork and decided you were later than you are or something. So I want them out of my life as soon as possible if I'm you. Can you tell I've had to deal with this? Yes, I have. Years ago, we went broke. I had that big IRS sitting there, man. And getting rid of those people, that was a nice day. And I can promise you this.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Dave's not getting behind on 941s ever again in his life. That was 30 years ago, and I still remember that pain. So, yeah, you can move the IRS to the front of your debt snowball, pound on them, get rid of them. Now, if it's a ridiculous number, you may have to put them on payments and work your debt snowball. If your debt snowball is $10,000, not counting the IRS, and you owe them $50,000, well, you may not be able to pay them off before you knock the $10,000 not counting the IRS and you owe them $50,000, well, you may not be able to pay them off before you knock the $10,000 out. But if they're a fairly normal-sized debt, you move them to the front and get them out of your life. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. People all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way
Starting point is 00:09:03 of meeting health care costs through Christian Health Care Ministries. Christian Health Care Ministries, or CHM, is a nonprofit organization that helps members carry one another's burdens with health care expenses. And they have successfully shared each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years. See if CHM is right for you by visiting chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in. We'll talk about your life, your money.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Let's go to Jim in St. Louis. Hi, Jim. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. What's up? Hey, Dave. Long time listener, first time caller. Sure appreciate everything that you do for people. Well, thank you. Especially me and my family. Me and my wife are 58, and I've been in the oil and gas industry for 34 years. And just going through getting a severance package that will pay me to the end of the year. And my question is, I've talked to my local financial advisor to bridge the gap to get to 59 1⁄2 so I can start drawing my $2.3 million that I have saved because of you.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Way to go. I didn't give you any of it. You did it. Good job, dude. It was you. It was you. So I just wanted to, we've got a paid-off house worth about $340,000 and don't owe anything to anybody.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Look at you every day, man. 340 and don't owe anything to anybody. And my main question is to get through this. I've just been in this industry that has been 24-7 and I'm just drained. And to take a break and get through this next 16 months that I need to get to to reach that goal or that milestone of 59 1⁄2. What did you do on the rigs? Actually, I'm actually in more of a retail oil and gas. I was a general manager. And so that's where just the corporate life has changed so much, and I haven't. And it just was time to separate.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Okay. I got you. I got no issue with that. But you've got all these years of experience. Can you not contract and do something for 40 hours a week for 16 months? Well, I've got a – in order to get the severance, I've got a two-year non-compete that pretty much limits me. How much is your severance? It is four months. And how much is that?
Starting point is 00:12:16 $35,000. Hmm. That wasn't very generous. Okay. So you gave up two years for $35,000. Pretty much, yeah. I've got about $25,000 in Roth that I can pull from without a penalty. And I had always talked about or thought about doing some real property
Starting point is 00:12:49 and, um, just never really got pulled the trigger. And, uh, so I've got some advice to, to, if I need to use like our home equity to get by to the 59 and a half and then once i get to there you know that whatever we we have to use you know that made me just throw up a little didn't you yeah it made me too but i'm just i was just the that's the i don't know who's giving you that advice so i'd run from them whoever they are they're an idiot you're the guy with you're the guy with over a three million dollar net worth not the idiot telling you to go get a home equity loan. Okay. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Why don't you just get something to do and earn a little bit of income for a little bit, even if it's not in your field? I don't want you to go work at Walmart as a greeter. That's not what I'm talking about. You're worth $3 million. But, you know, I mean, it seems to me that you've got a substantial amount of skills that you could be a consultant to someone and something for a short period of time here and be a very big help to them and maybe make 50 or 100 grand and just eat on that a little bit and
Starting point is 00:13:55 put your 25 with it and work it through because you don't have a dime liquid except your emergency fund. Is that right? Correct. I've got about $30,000 in the emergency fund, and then I've got $25,000. Yeah, and then you've got this $35,000 severance coming. Correct. Yeah. And so you've got about $50,000 to work with, and so you need another $50,000, $60,000 to get through the six months, right? Or 16 months.
Starting point is 00:14:24 16 months. 16 months. Yeah. Your wife works outside the home? Yes, she does. What does she make? She makes 75. Why can't you all eat on that, man? Yeah, I mean, that's why I'm saying I'm not, I'm just really the conservative guy,
Starting point is 00:14:41 and I just wanted to make sure that if I don't do anything that we that we're still okay obviously i've we have well you can make it it's going to be tight and it's going to be a reduction in lifestyle because you're used to making bank plus her 75 and now you got 35 and 20 plus her 75 plus whatever you can scratch around and get as a consulting gig until one of you hits 59 and a half and you could begin a drawdown but but i'm not going to tell you to go borrow on your home equity loan dude dance with a girl that brought you here i'm with you i'm with you i i we put two girls through college then they made it out of college debt free and we're just so proud of that and them and uh i'm proud of you man you're a freaking hero and last thing i want to see some hero go get a home equity loan.
Starting point is 00:15:26 So I'll fight, you know. And I think what's happening is, too, you're a little bit. Scarcity-mindsetted. No, you're so tired. I just hear emotional exhaustion. Am I hearing that right? Yes, sir. And so when I tell you, hey, just go do some
Starting point is 00:15:46 consulting, you're like, I don't feel like getting out of bed. Shut up, man. I finally got out of there. Don't make me do that. That's kind of what I'm hearing in your spirit. And I think this is still fresh enough. So I'm going to propose to you that 90 days from now, your emotions probably will have healed a lot, and you'll be the other side of this PTSD feeling. And I think you're the kind of person that will be a little bit bored at that 90 or 120-day mark. But right now, you're still just kind of the walking wounded. You're kind of zombied. Am I wrong?
Starting point is 00:16:24 No, you're right. Andied am i wrong no you're right and uh and do you want just permission jim if it wasn't do you just want permission when you called was one of your main points do you just want permission to be able to stay home with the severance with your wife working and that's okay because like is that one was that one of your basis of your questions um yeah actually that was half of it, probably. If you want to and you all can do that, I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with a home equity loan, and I'm really not okay with a moron that told you to do that.
Starting point is 00:16:54 So I probably just called your best friend a moron, but I don't really care. No, I have everybody that knows me, like my middle name is Dave, and not for real, but that's how it could be, because if I wouldn't for you... Dude, I didn't... Listen, I'm not the hero in this story. I just talked about it on the radio. You went and did it.
Starting point is 00:17:15 Yeah, but it wouldn't have happened, probably, if it wouldn't have come through your encouragement and everything. I could imagine how I would feel if it wasn't for that. Well, you're in great shape. You deserve to take a lap. You deserve to take a lap. You deserve to take some time with your feet in the sand somewhere and just enjoy the ride. And certainly with 59 1⁄2, I want you to cash out about $100,000 and just go do something fun. You have done a wonderful job building wealth.
Starting point is 00:17:42 You're a true Baby Steps millionaire. You did everything we teach, a true everyday millionaire and, you know, multimillionaire. And you just ran out of steam about 16 months early. That's all it was. And that's okay. That's all right. You still are going to be fine. So, yeah, if you want to live on the income that you have and the income, as Rachel said, you want permission to live on your wife's income and the $35,000 and the $20,000 until the 59 1⁄2 markets,
Starting point is 00:18:11 I'm happy for you to do that. If you all can do that and you want to write that out as your budget, go do it. I also think you probably could add another $50,000 or $100,000 easy to the top line of this thing, working 20, 25 hours a week consulting for someone somewhere that wasn't a violation of your non-compete because you you've just done big stuff for too long to not have the ability to lend yourself to something if you want to but right now today you can't hear that i can and i'm okay with that i've been right where you are i've been so tired i can't breathe your lungs hurt you just look you know. You know, it's just, I get it.
Starting point is 00:18:46 So you're doing good work, man. And you did it. Touchdown. Take a victory lap. This is the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Evan and Jessica are here. Hey, guys, congratulations. How much did you pay off? We got $136,377.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Wow. All right. How long did this take? Three years. All right. Nice. Cool. And your range of income during that time?
Starting point is 00:20:05 We started at $36,000, and we ended up at $120,000. Goodness gracious. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a project manager at a brand and software development company. Cool. Military. Awesome. Thank you for your service.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Hey, thanks for your support. Very nice. Very nice. Which branch? Army. All right. Good. What was the $136,6 000 in debt it was a lot
Starting point is 00:20:28 we had copious amounts of student loans um we had vehicles we had wedding rings a mattress yeah that was the thing you borrowed on everything oh we did um you're like normal some may say that yeah fun where do you guys live so we're originally from kansas city metro area but stationed up at fort knox oh yeah how long have you guys been married five years five years okay so you went two years into marriage just kind of doing everything. And then what happened three years ago that you thought, oh, this is not working? So my aunt and uncle on my side, they were telling us their story about how they just got out of debt at our grandmother's Easter dinner. And so on the drive home, we were like, well, okay, we're going into it. Let's look at some podcasts. And I actually, I did Financial Peace University about three years prior.
Starting point is 00:21:31 It didn't take, sorry. It's okay, you flunked. You flunked. I'm a repeater. Yeah, it's fine. And so on our drive home, we were like, I think we can do this. I think we can do this. And we just dug in and we just went for it.
Starting point is 00:21:43 We're like, we need to get debt free before we start a family. That was our main goal. And so we actually did that because we have a baby on the way. So number one's on the way. So yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:21:59 So we shared that news with her brother and sister-in-law and they actually paid off their debt the next day. Oh, wow. They had enough to just throw it all on there. I'm all in. Boom. We can do that.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Um, but yeah, we just, we went gazelle intense and we just went for it. Wow. Okay. So you're newlyweds, not kids. So the podcast gets it all started. And is that what you do? You just listen to podcasts over and over? Yeah, we really did. Okay, so you're newlyweds, not kids. So the podcast gets it all started. And is that what you do? You just listen to podcasts over and over?
Starting point is 00:22:28 Yeah, we really did. And I attended, we started a class together for FPU, but then we deployed. Okay. And then I did another class with a friend of mine to get her started. And then we've recently led a class. So really just doing the classes, but also the podcast almost every day kept us going. And the debt-free screams helped us keep going, too. And now you're helping someone else keep going. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:50 We're trying. Look at you. Well done. So proud of you guys. Thank you. How does it feel to be free? It feels amazing. Our biggest push was just changing our legacies.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Both of us come from families that weren't really responsible with money, lost homes, went bankrupt, and that was our biggest motivator was we didn't want that for our children. So yeah, it's a huge relief to go into a new family like this. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. A whole new imprint. Yeah. Whole new family tree. We're trying to. Generational wealth. It's fun. It's that's that's how it begins somebody's got to start it might as well be you right there you go i like it i like it good for you guys well you tell people now that you're coordinating a class and you paid off 136 000 in three years what do you tell them the key is uh communication and also organization um because once you just
Starting point is 00:23:41 have that first conversation together because we were both both so, do we talk about finances? How do we talk about it? But then we were able to bring you in as like a third party to get mad at if we needed to as far as decision-making went. I knew I had a gift. Dave was a customer in our house. I do that sometimes. Like, hey, it's his fault.
Starting point is 00:24:00 Yeah, absolutely. It was Papa Dave. It really got us just on the same page. And then from there, like he said, we were gazelle intense. And it really just helped us get aligned. Absolutely. I was a free spirit. I didn't want to talk about it at all.
Starting point is 00:24:14 But you engaged. You did it. You engaged and we... Which is huge because that's a big part of this whole journey. I mean, we rarely see married people up there with just one of them, right? Absolutely. They're both on it together. And so both of you guys being engaged. what would you encourage a couple out there?
Starting point is 00:24:27 Maybe a guy is listening right now because his wife made him listen to this podcast. And he's like, I don't know. I don't want to do this. What would you say to him? You just got to ignore that side of your brain and just start. Get out of your comfort zone. Try something new. Engage with your spouse about money because it is crucial in
Starting point is 00:24:47 a marriage to be on the same page. And, uh, it's no longer your finances, her finances, her thing, your thing. No, it's, it's, it's together. So from this point on, I mean, you guys got to be on that same sheet of music. And for the encouragement of the, of that in your marriage, would you say your marriage is an even a better place today because of that? Oh, absolutely. Yep. Absolutely. And now it's the wedding gift that we give all the time is your book.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Wow, thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. No, thank you. It makes shopping very easy. Really easy. And with him preaching that sermon with those pipes, I think we'll just take a break next segment. I know, but he came on the microphone.
Starting point is 00:25:26 I was like, he's much better radio. I think he's got the principles down. The radio voice is phenomenal. Ready to go. I got a feast for radio. Yeah. Very well done, you guys. What was the hardest part?
Starting point is 00:25:40 I think when you would deploy, just staying in communication, and payment fluctuates too. With my job and his job, those moments where you're not together anymore, just staying in line and staying on top of it, I think was probably the more difficult moments we had. Absolutely. Very, very hard. Wow. Way to go. Well, we've got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you. You're on your way to being Baby Steps Millionaires.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I love it. Thanks. And that's the next chapter in your story because that's your whole thing. You're going to change your legacy. And so Legacy Journey is a perfect book to give you guys. And I'll also give you another copy of the Total Money Makeover, help you with your shopping. And you can give that away and pay it forward
Starting point is 00:26:20 and advise someone else that there's a guy on the radio that any time you need to be mad at somebody, he's your guy. He's your guy. He can handle it. I like that. That's fun. Very good. Very good stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:32 All right, Evan and Jessica, we're so proud of you guys. Very, very, very well done. Congratulations. $136,000 paid off in three years, making $36,000 to $120,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free!
Starting point is 00:26:53 Yeah! I love it. Amazing. What a great couple. I love it. It's the Dinks. income no kids and they be on the way did it now now baby baby on the way baby baby is here here we go this is how it's done that's so fun and uh you know incomes are going up and and isn't it weird though the process
Starting point is 00:27:20 i never get over the process that all of us go through in our brain when we make the decision. Exactly what Evan said, you have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. You have to engage in activities that you've never engaged in if you want results you've never gotten. Yep, that's right. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, expect a different result. It's the definition of insanity. And that feels like a comfort zone, but it's also where things go to die. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:48 Well, and to have hope that what you're changing to is better than your present, right? So, like, you know it works. Like, no one's stood on the stage and screamed, I'm debt-free. And they're like, I don't know. I just don't like it. Like, I think we're going to go get a car loan. You know what I mean? Like, you don't feel that.
Starting point is 00:28:00 There's a level lifted off. Like, it works. That's what happens. And so, when you do engage change. How does it feel? Oh, it's awful. I'm going to go right back and get it as soon as I get out of here. I don't like it. level lifted off like it works that's what happens and so when you do engage how's it feel oh it's awful i'm gonna go right back and get as soon as i get out i don't like it i think as soon as i get out of here i'm going to the car lot i don't like it so great but like change though is hard you know you haven't said it but i'm like yeah the friction you know even um with my kids i switched their car seats a few weeks ago on accident and my three my four-year-old
Starting point is 00:28:23 now would not get in her car seat because it was on the other side of the car. And I thought, even a four-year-old doesn't like change, right? Like, it's uncomfortable people, it is. But the moment you say you know what, I'm going to force myself to be uncomfortable for a little bit because what I'm changing to is better than my present. It's worth it. So everybody
Starting point is 00:28:40 go home, change the car seats. Right now. Change it up. Your kids won't be happy. It's not what we're talking about. It's a great metaphor. Change is hard, though. It's hard for everyone. I like the teaching.
Starting point is 00:28:52 It's very good. Because it's your grandkids in it. Of course. I like anything with my grandkids. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Number one best-selling author and New York Times best-selling author of her latest book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money. You know, we're talking about in that last debt-free scream being on the same page with your spouse. The Know Yourself Money Assessment is $30 for a couple, $20 for an individual.
Starting point is 00:29:56 It's great for couples to get on the same page. It takes about 15 minutes and it delivers you with 30 pages of personalized results showing your money profile and beliefs, your money classrooms, meaning how you grew up, your money tendencies, your fears, your motivations, your attitudes, your actions. It's not all what you're doing wrong. It's what you do right and what you do wrong and just your way of looking at things. And it gives you a communication tool to work with your spouse, the Know Yourself Money Assessment, one of the more popular things in the store at RamseySolutions.com.
Starting point is 00:30:29 How many of you guys are stressed out or hurting because your retirement savings is scaring you with all this stuff going on in the world? Well, you need to have someone in your corner to help you with this. You've got to have someone to walk with you, talk with you, teach you. Do you really have something to be concerned you talk with you teach you do you really have something to be concerned about are you just in freak out mode because sometimes we all got a little drama queen inside of us right and me too so what we recommend is you have a smart investor
Starting point is 00:30:54 pro in your corner we're not in the investment business but we have vetted and um done detailed research on people who do investing out there, do investing advice for you, investment brokers. And these are people with the heart of a teacher, and they agree with us on what we teach. So you're going to get similar and same advice. So click SmartVestor at RamseySolutions.com or hit RamseySolutions.com slash SmartVestor, either one. And you can find a list of the SmartVestor pros in your area area one of them will sit down with you and help you with your stuff all right find out
Starting point is 00:31:30 for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more they give us our question of the day always use use the promo code RAMSY to get the best possible deal. Today's question comes from Whitney in Missouri. I'm a saver. My husband is a spender. We set up a budget when we got married and included an allowance for each of us to help monitor our spending. He has been reluctant and not a good follower of our budgets.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Is having this allowance something that you suggest? If so, how much should we allot for our personal spending? And how do I fix the issue of my husband going over the set amount? Oh, man. Well, a couple of things, Whitney, that stood out in your question. We set a budget when we got married. So it's not like we set it last month. So I'm curious how long the discussion has been. How long you guys have been married. And because the, my encouragement would be that you guys talk about it every month and the allowance.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Is it a good idea? Yeah. The word allowance is always weird for me, but I always say to have a personal line item in your budget. So for our family, for instance, there's a Rachel line item. There's a Winston line item.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Actually, our kids even have their own line items now. So I just know, okay, when we're spending it, like this is where it's coming out of. And that amount is going to depend on your income and where you guys are in the baby steps. So how do I fix, basically, how do I fix my husband? Well, Whitney, you don't fix your husband. I'm sorry. That's not how it works. Uh, you do have to talk to him, not preach at him, but come at these conversations in a way that you can express what is going on in you,
Starting point is 00:33:17 whether it's frustration, whether you're scared, whether you don't know what to do, whether it's you long for him to be more involved. I mean, expressing these needs in a way that is not putting him down, right? Like I feel like some savers, which can be more of the nerds in the relationship, can get very legalistic and it's this way, this way, this way. Here's how much money you have. And when you do that to your husband, like the dynamic changes. It kind of goes from this like marriage to a mom to her son or something like it gets weird so um yeah like your language is that way not yours rachel the person and
Starting point is 00:33:55 giving him an allowance yeah whitney this sounds like you're his mother the way you worded this not his not his wife and so like he won't stick to his allowance. It's like, oh, my God, what is wrong? So here's the thing. You need to sit down again, and the two of you need to decide what you want your future to look like and what you're willing to do to get to that future instead of he needs to stick to his allowance. He's a dadgum grown man.
Starting point is 00:34:21 He should stick to his own allowance because he wants to hit the goals that he's agreed to square your shoulders bubba man up here okay it's not your mama this is your wife and you're supposed to be part of this team pulling the harness and so you guys need to look out there in the future together hold hands and go there's where we want to go and here's the price we're going to pay to get to where we want to go and we both want to get there so we're both going to pay that price and that includes i'm going to limit my personal spending to this and you're going to limit your personal spending to that and that's what we're
Starting point is 00:34:52 in agreement to not i'm going to be you know schooling you up every time you misbehave so the bottom line is i don't think we did a budget i think you did a budget and told him what it was. That's what it sounds like. Yeah. And so I think he needs to get his butt in gear and emotionally plug into co-leading this household. This is your wife's son. It's not your mama. And so man up and take your share of the responsibility. And lady, quit babying him he's
Starting point is 00:35:26 not your little boy and that's the kind of thing that we're talking about here now that's language that people don't like in today's world well go listen to another radio show then because that's the way this really this crap really works i've done this for 30 years and so um you know you guys can sit down there together love each other love your future say gosh i'll do anything in the world for you except stick to my allowance see that that's the problem is the word means that you allowed him to have a certain amount of money and he didn't stick to it right well ain't your job to allow him it's our job to decide what we are going to do yeah that's the point that's the way this stuff the the language in this reveals it all yes and what happens so many times in marriage
Starting point is 00:36:11 when it comes to money is the spouse becomes the enemy right it's like well he he or she won't oh and yeah there's issues there and in a tactical way that if they are just going and spending tons of money you're trying to get out i get that But instead of seeing your spouse as the enemy, look at the things that are not being done or look at the debt. Like, have things out there that are the issue and you guys lock arms together and look at the problem. Your spouse isn't the problem. Yeah, and you know, you do a great job of teaching about this on the budgeting stuff
Starting point is 00:36:42 in Financial Peace University. This idea that and i forget the that you do better with the language than i do because i'm just kind of mean about it but there's this idea that that um both of you have to step up and and this i there's a lot of people had modeled had parents modeling for you and took that model, and it was a bad model. And they didn't mean to. They weren't bad people. But, you know, Dad just worked, and he never looked at the money,
Starting point is 00:37:13 and Mama handled all the details. And Mama paid the bills. And so Dad was emotionally, when it came to the operation of the household, subservient to his wife. Or Mom is like, well, I don't know. My husband takes care of me. I don't know what I'm. And she's over here and she's deficit and is emotionally not plugged in.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Yeah. And it's not being a fully developed grown up. Yeah. In the situation. Both of you have to be fully developed, emotional, mature grown ups pulling together for the same goal. When we see that, we see people change their lives. Absolutely. That's that's it.
Starting point is 00:37:47 That's well said, because both extremes are not good. You're not going to get it on both extremes. But this is not a mansplaining thing. No, it's not a mom splaining thing. No, it's not trashing your parents thing. It's none of that. There's no there's no victim or entitlement stuff in here. It's simply you are not.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Listen, I'm not good with money. I let my wife handle it, and she's so much smarter than me. You're not doing her a favor. You're not a blessing to her. And even though you paid her a big compliment, she wishes she didn't have all the weight of the decision-making on her shoulders. Well, my husband's really good with this stuff. His name's Dave Ramsey.
Starting point is 00:38:24 He tells everybody in America how to handle money, so I don't have to handle money. Those words never left Sharon Ramsey's mouth. shoulders well my husband's really good with this stuff his name is dave ramsey he knows he tells everybody in america how to handle money so i don't have to handle money those words never left sharon ramsey's mouth she wants her vote to count she wants her voice to be heard and and and not in a nagging way no but she is not just take care of me i'm a little southern belle and you just take it she's not that woman yeah and because she's like a little southern belle. And you just take care. She's not that woman. Yeah. Because she's like a full-grown, mature woman. You know, I mean, oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:38:50 This is what we're talking about here. Both of you step into this thing, and then you'll go win. Well said. This is The Ramsey Show on your smart speaker? Just tell Alexa, Google Assistant, or Siri to play The Ramsey Show podcast. Check out all Ramsey Network shows on your smart speaker today. The Ramsey Show.

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