The Ramsey Show - App - How Can I Do All Of This AND The Dishes? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

George Kamel & John Delony answer your questions and discuss:  "How do I explain to my wife that the risk isn't worth the reward with credit cards?",  from the blog: Living Without a Credit Score  from The Fine Print Podcast with George Kamel: The Dirty Truth Behind Your Credit Score How to increase income as a single mother that can't make ends meet,  from the blog: How to Increase Your Income Why you turn off social media and stop worrying about the world burning down around you,  "My girlfriends debt is having a negative impact on our relationship". Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Enter The Ramsey Cash Giveaway for a chance at $3,000! https://bit.ly/TRSgvwy Shop our bestsellers during the $10 Sale! https://bit.ly/TRS10Sale Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm Ramsey personality, George Campbell, joined by my good friend, Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls, 888-825-5225. And we're going to try to tell you the truth on the show, even if it hurts. And often, you know, truth tellers in a world gone mad sound a little mad, don't they, John? Yeah. We sound like the crazy ones. Sometimes just telling the truth makes you look nuts. But we're here for it.

And we believe it to such a deep level because we know that it works. We've heard countless stories, seen people on the debt-free stage. And when you know too much, you know, ignorance is bliss until now. Until you see what's behind the curtain, how the sausage is made. And it makes you go, I don't think I want one of those credit scores. No, thank you. So we're happy to help you today, whether it's with money, relationships, mental health, debt, investing, we are here for you, America. We're going to kick it off with Josh in Tampa this hour. Josh, what's going on? Hi, George. Hi, Dr. John. Thank you guys so much for

taking my call. Sure. Yeah. So my wife and I are on Baby Step 3B and we've never had any debt as a married couple. And she's brought up a couple of times now that we should get a credit card to build our credit for when we're ready to buy a house. And I was just wondering how can I softly and lovingly explain to her that the risk isn't worth the very little reward that comes with having a credit card. How long have you been married, dude? We have been married for about a year and a half. Yeah, I was thinking. You've been married less than two years, so you still think softly and gently works.

I'm just playing. It's all good. All right, so, George, I'll let you do the honors. Well, I'm curious josh obviously you are in the boat of we don't need the credit score right right and she's in the boat of like why would we not it's going to make our life easier does she know about manual underwriting have you explained that it's not that difficult to get the house without a credit score if you do it the right way yes i have explained that to her she She's come at it, I guess

she's come at it from the stance of, yeah, that's true. But if we did have a really good credit score, we could get an even better interest rate. And I just ended up telling her that I would feel really uncomfortable getting a credit card. And so it hasn't come up to a boiling point of a full-on fight. I just want to stop it before it gets to that point. Well, the other piece of this is there's a lot of misinformation out there when it comes to getting a house without a credit score that you're going to get a horrible interest rate. And as someone who's actually done it, they don't care about my opinion, of course.

They just go, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that you can get a great rate without a credit score. If you get a 15-year fixed rate mortgage with 20% down, I will get the same score as the guy next to me who has a great, excellent credit score. Right, right. But if you told her that, what would her response be? Is she wanting to do a 30-year? Is she wanting to put less down? Where's the holdup here when it comes to buying the house?

Well, I think we're just feeling a little discouraged in terms of buying a house because we live in a really high-rent area, and, you know, she wants to wait. And we both really want to wait to have kids until we are in a house. And so there's kind of, I think a lot of emotions tied up into getting a house as quick as possible. So I think that's playing a bit of a role in her looking at other ways to get in one quickly. So my guess is she wants to put as little down possible and do a 30 year mortgage. Uh, not as little down, but yeah, we definitely had conversations of doing the 30 year mortgage. Have you guys been through Financial Peace University?

No, we haven't. I've grown up, you know, my parents grew up on Dave Ramsey. And so I've, you know, I followed his steps and I was a big fan. But to her, this is all new information. You're coming at her sideways and it's creating some tension. Very true, yeah. Because you're used to this stuff. This is like mind-blowing, jarring information to her. So I think she also needs some time with it. She needs to understand it at a deeper level,

and you guys need to be more aligned on that vision and those goals. Here's where I would start if I were you. I was kind of giving you a hard time about only being married 18 months i think this is actually the perfect time for y'all i would love to see y'all go on what i i wish i had another word for it man because this is so corporate language but i would love to see y'all go on some sort of strategic planning retreat and here's what you're just here's what you're discovering and here's what you're discovering. And here's what you're etching into stone. Here's who we are going to be. This is the kind of family we're going to be. And I want you to

etch your values. I want you to anchor them into the bedrock of your soul. And I want you to hold your beliefs really, really lightly. What I mean by that is value. We are a people, we're a family that never borrows money. I also believe I should have a house before I have kids. I'm going to never touch that value. That value is etched into stone. We just don't borrow money. That's just who we are. Build up a credit score, whatever the heck that is. Get some airline points. We just don't borrow money. That's just who we are.

We don't cheat on each other. We don't punch each other in the face. We don't murder. These are just things we don't do. And we have this belief. We have to have a house where we have kids. I'm going to hold that one real loosely and I'm going to go talk to some people who have had a bunch of kids before. One of the greatest experiences of my life was the two years

or the one year we lived in an apartment when my son was two. It was a blast. We got to know my neighbors. He got to see neighbors. It was amazing. I never in a million years would have done that. So that's a belief that I held really loosely that I got some new wisdom on. But when it comes to values, you guys haven't had the who are we gonna be yet

y'all are still arguing on the plays you want to run you're not arguing what kind of team we're gonna be and that's where i want to see you spend your energy on the front end and that take tends to take a lot of the nuts and bolts questions off the table because it's just who we are. Right. And I think every new married couple could benefit from that. I mean, shoot, you've been married 25 years. You need to have another one of those strategic plans. Who are we now? Where are we? What do we believe? What do we want to be about in this season? But man, I think that's where I'd start is, hey, honey, what kind of life do you want to build together? Who do we want to be? And then when you decide, I want to be a house that never does this. Cool. We're in. Now you're going to sit with somebody

who's way smarter than me, like George, and he's going to walk you through, okay, well, here's how you buy a house then. Here's how you do this then. Here's how you buy a car then. Here's how you become a millionaire. Josh, a lot of people ask me, hey man, you got a house, you paid it off early, you did it without a credit score. What do you attribute to that? And 100%, it's being on the same page with my wife. We pre-decided all of these things. We pre-decided we were going to save up a huge down payment.

Pre-decided we were going to do a 15-year. Pre-decided that we were going to go through the process of manual underwriting. And that changed the game. It made us move so much faster than us bickering over the tactics. So you and your wife, go listen to the episode of the fine print that I did. And that changes the game. It made us move so much faster than us bickering over the tactics. So you and your wife, go listen to the episode of the fine print that I did. It's called The Dirty Truth Behind Your Credit Score. Have a listen to that.

I'm also going to gift you guys Financial Peace University because I think she just doesn't have all the information. And you've had it for years. And so to you, it's a no-brainer. To her, this is still, she's figuring out why do we have to live outside of the matrix? The matrix is a great place to live. It's comfortable in there. Take the pill, we can get out. And so I think with time, and like John said, that intentional planning, you guys will get there. So hang on the line. Emily's going to pick up. We're going to give to you one year of Financial Peace University. We're wishing you the best with the house buying process. George Campbell here, joined by Dr. John Deloney.

This is The Ramsey Show. If you've changed your life with the money principles that we teach, the chances are it's because someone you know lit a fire under you. Mom, dad gave you the total money makeover as a gift. Your pastor offered Financial Peace University at the church. Well,

now it's your chance to share that same hope that you discovered with someone that you love. And the best way to do that is by giving them the live and give box. This is the perfect gift for a newlywed couple, a graduate in your life. It's everything they need to win with money. And it comes with Financial Peace University, the Total Money Makeover book, and the Baby Steps Millionaires book. And right now you can get all of that for just 89 bucks. But this deal ends today. So give the people you care about a gift that actually matters, and that is hope. That's freedom. Grab a Living Give Box today at ramsaysolutions.com slash box. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash box. Taylor joins us up next in Oklahoma City. Taylor, welcome to the show. Are you with us?

Yes, hi. Hey, how can we help? Hi, so I have what I think is an income and a debt issue. I'm a single mom of a 10-month-old baby boy, and I am barely, I'm not making ends meet. I'm not even going to lie. I'm not making ends meet. Hey, thank you for telling us.

I know you don't want to say that. I'm so proud of you. I know that was hard to do just then. I heard it. Good for you. It's incredibly hard. I love my job so much, and my boss is incredible. I actually was just able to be very honest with her and got a $7,000 dollar raise.

And that is keeping me at not making ends meet. Oh, I'm laughing with you because it's sad. If we don't laugh, we cry. Thank you. So just any guidance on what do I do? Well, you've got the 10-month-old. What are the logistics around caring for the 10-month-old? Very difficult. I have four days a week daycare.

He comes to the office with me, or today we're working from home one day a week. I have very, very little outside of daycare childcare that is a free option to me. And I'm about $30 a week for groceries, so I can't pay a baby. Oh, hon, no, no. Is dad in the picture at all?

No, dad has a substance use disorder, so I also don't anticipate child support. Okay. How much do you make a year? $54,000. How much debt do you have? I have about $30,000 in debt. And what kind of debt is it? It is a combination. I have about $13,000, $14,000 on my car. I'm upside down on my car.

I have about $2,500 still on my credit card that is a closed account and cut up and we're working on paying it down um and then i also have about 14 000 that i consolidated from that credit card with um my credit union so that it was at least a lower interest rate and a fixed payment um every month okay what's the car worth you said you're. Is it worth 12? I could sell it for eight. Ooh. Yeah. Were y'all married? No. How long were y'all together?

Three years. How much of your heart got taken with this whole mess? A whole lot of it. there's a protective order involved okay because here's what i hear so we just want to get better i know here's what i hear yeah i hear a you have to see when you told me and george that you just went and had one conversation with your boss and she whipped out seven thousand extra dollars for you you know what that means that means you're an absolute gangster and though there's one person on the planet that doesn't know that and that's you because here's what happens when you marry somebody when you fall

in love with somebody when you try to build a life with somebody who's struggling with addiction disorders you start to lose your own center of gravity and then you lose trust in you, right? Yeah, it's actually the field I work in now. There you go. There's substance use disorders, yeah. But listen, my counselor will attest, I don't care what field you work in. It's easy to care for other people. It's real hard to look in the mirror, right?

Yeah. There's some luxury in doing that, though, right? Because it's about taking care of my kid now. That's where I'm not taking care of me. The greatest gift you can give that kid is to begin to believe in his mom again. How do I do that tactically? You so great you're so great it's both and okay and what i mean by that is you got to be real clear you love this job and it may not be able to pay your bills you really really want to take on all this debt and clean all this crap up yourself because

i'm a single mom and I can do it. And you may not be able to. And what I mean, like you may have to go turn the keys of the car in. Like there's a basis and you know this with your work with people who struggle with addiction. The baseline is you have to own reality. Here's where we are. Right. And that's really hard to do.

And you're looking at a little baby and you're trying to, you want to keep this picture of this world that we want up so much. And yet here's reality. I mean, I've slept on the floor in the past year. I don't mind getting rid of. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. You've got to stop living in survival. You got to stop living. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you some free financial coaching. We're going to pay for it. We've got financial coaches on staff

and you're going to stay on the line and they're going to walk you through your budget and walk you through. Here's what I would make cuts. You're all right. You're all right, dude. We got, George has a kid on the way. I've got got kids that's a sound that's good that's makes joy in my heart that's great um mom's gonna have to go see a counselor okay you're gonna have to go talk to somebody mom's gonna have to um reach out and get a group of girlfriends in her community or some people at a local church that will help with some child care some doing some trades. Mom's going to have to have some hard, hard conversations about work.

And I love serving people with addictions, but I can't live right now. I have $54,000 in this community and my debt. All that stuff, George. It's sitting down in own reality. It's really scary. Really, really scary. And Taylor, you are very capable. So I have no fear that you are going that you're not going to get out of this debt. It's going to happen. It may take longer

than you want. It may take some extra side hustles. It may take asking for help even when it hurts your pride. And it may take getting connected with a local church. I mean, our church has a ministry just for single moms to get them cars. So imagine if you could go, hey, I'm going to sell the car. I'm underwater on it. I'm going to take a loan for the difference from a credit union. And I'm going to find a beater car to get around in from A to B. I'm going to see if I can work at home an extra day a week to avoid a little more take. You're going to have to do a thousand little things that add up to a whole lot to go, all right, I got a thousand bucks extra. I can throw it at this debt. That's 12K. I'm going to knock this thing out in two and a half years.

I'm going to go earn 75,000 and it's not going to be in a job with this cool boss or this caring of a boss, but I'm going to go get that job because that's what I got to do for the next two years to climb out of this hole that I'm in. Right? Yeah. But this is a solvable problem. But right now it feels so overwhelming. I can't imagine what you're going through doing all of this as a single mom, a 10 month old and- while also doubting yourself and dealing with your past struggles and your past hurts. All right. So we threw a lot at you and a lot of it sounds Kumbaya pushback. Yeah. I asked for tactics guys.

Pushback. I know all of it. I, I don't know how to do all of that in the dishes. You know, I heard getting of it. I don't know how to do all of that in the district. I heard getting a community, I'm really grateful to have. Thankfully, here in Oklahoma City, I grew up here. I have my people. I have amazing friends. Do you ask for help?

Occasionally. You do not. That's the problem. I'm learning to. Okay, you have to. This isn't something you have time to learn to do. You have to. If you were my friend, Taylor, and you had a group of friends, and I knew what you were going through, I'd be like, guys, we're all going to get together. Everyone Venmo

a bunch of money. We're going to just bless the socks off Taylor. We're going to get her a new car. And beyond that, can I tell you this? If you were my friend, what an honor it would be for you to call and say, hey, can you and Sheila come help? What a gift that would be to me. Forget you. Sheila come help? What a gift that would be to me. Forget you.

It would help. It's a gift to me. Let your friends love you. Let your community love you. You've got to ask for help. So when we say get community, go through FPU, all this stuff, hang on the line.

We're going to give you everything we got. But you have to say, here's what I need. Will you help me? You're not a burden, Taylor. Ask for help and they'll be happy to give it. Hang on the line. We're going to say, here's what I need. Will you help me? You're not a burden, Taylor. Ask for help and they'll be happy to give it. Hang on the line. We're going to give you financial coaching with one of our staff. We're going to give you Financial Peace University and I'm going to send you a copy of Dr. John's Own Your Past, Change Your Future. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney. The number to call is 888-825-5225.

You jump in, we'll talk about your life, your money, your relationships, whatever is on your mind. Our question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services for over 40 years. Neighborly has an exclusive network of trained local service pros backed by the Neighborly Done Right promise. So it's not done right. Neighborly will make it right. Visit Neighborly.com today to learn more. All right, today's question comes from Ron in Louisiana, or potentially John sitting right next to George Campbell.

When I saw this question, I was like, John, did you actually sneak this question for yourself? Read it, John. Ron from Louisiana writes, to george when i saw this question i was like john did you actually sneak this question for yourself read it john ron from louisiana writes i heard about you from my son and i saw your video about the supposed crash of the dollar in government crypto you said it's all bs but that goes against everything i'm seeing on youtube okay that's. I don't care who you are. That's a brand new sentence. That sentence has never before been spoken in the English language. Ron.

I'm not even going to finish your question yet. I just need to address you. Things on the YouTube aren't always real. Except for this show. Some are. If you're watching our show on YouTube, some are.

Yeah, some are. Whoa. And by the way, it's not everything you're seeing on YouTube because we're on YouTube and we don't say that. The algorithm is showing you very specific things. Because you keep clicking on them.

Then it just keeps showing you more of the things you keep clicking. I will click on that video. Yes. If you were to click on strength of US economy, it would just send you a more of the things you keep clicking. If the world is crashing, I will click on that video. Yes. If you were to click on strength of U.S. economy, it would just send you a bunch of videos that talked about that. So all I have to say is this. On to the next. I own my home and vehicles.

I have no debt, and I have $60,000 saved. Good for you, brother. That's awesome. That's really impressive. And I was thinking of buying hunting land. My thought is that if the economy collapses or we lose electricity, I can just live off the hunting land. What would or wouldn't you do in my financial position?

Hmm. Okay. So this is, there's two parts here. I mean, financially, he's in a great spot. He owns his home and vehicles, no debt, 60,000 saved, now wants to buy some hunting land. That's a cool goal. The motive behind it can be worrisome, but also still not wild.

Now, the paranoia and conspiracy of it all is the wild part. But wanting to buy land and living off the grid, that's a dream for a lot of people. And, John, you can attest to that. Yeah, so I like hunting land. I like hunting hunting i like being able to take care of my my wife and i our gardens are massive i like all we we love that i also have zero illusion that if the if the u.s dollar implodes if it goes away if it goes away we're probably not going to make it we just got to make peace with that

and I know that we all can watch survivor shows and it's so great it's going to be a rough go it's going to be a rough go so I think the idea man yeah if you can afford if you can buy cash

pay cash for hunting land, get it. It's great, man. I'm always looking to buy more land. I love it. I'm saving right now for another thing. So I'm all about that. If you're doing it as a hedge against the world collapsing, I probably wouldn't do it for that reason. If you've got other goals, if you've got colleges you've got to save for, if you don't have any retirement or anything like that, I would not do it in lieu of that. That's fair. I think I've talked about this

on the show. And again, Ron, I'm smiling because I'm you. I was this guy for a while. It's all coming down. I have it mapped out like a beautiful mind. It's all going to fall down and here's what's going to happen. And I remember sitting with the CEO or CFO of $150 million company. I walked him through my plan. He said, I'm going to do, this is going to happen. This is going to happen. And I'm going to cash out all this, do this, buy this, land. And he looked at me and he said, hey, man,

I don't really understand what your plan is here. Because it was insane. And he goes, please, you're my friend. Don't do this. His name was Kelly. He was one of the greatest men. He said, please don't do this. His name was Kelly. He was one of the greatest men. He said, please don't do this. And I walked out of that meeting and I thought to myself, he didn't get it. He doesn't get it. He's a part of the system, right? I wasn't, I wasn't

well, but let me tell you this. So my buddy Todd, who's a finance wizard, he works in finance. He's the one who gave me this line and it was really revolutionary for me. He said, I kept peppering him about what if the dollar does this and what if happens here and what i'm eating my beanie babies because all i've got left and he said hey john i don't have and this is the quote i don't have a meteorite plan i was like what do you mean you don't have a meteorite plan he said hey i'm gonna make the best choices with the information i got in front of me. And the information I got in front of me is economies go up and they go down. And over the long haul, they continue to inch their way up and up and up. And if that changes, you think your life is going to be just not that happening

and you're still driving to work. You won't have a work to drive to. People will be shooting you for your water. They will eat your pet. Like you can't imagine that world. But I have all this gold, John. I've stockpiled gold for a time such as this. Great.

We will burn you down with your gold. I mean, there's 800,000 people walking down the highway. We don't have a scale for that outside of crazy movies. And so his wisdom was so great. Things will be so radically different that to plan for that is madness it's a waste of it's a waste of your current day so be smart be intelligent um don't be dumb if you're into hunting land and you want to great man i'm all about it if you're buying it as a hedge to when it all goes down i i'm just telling you you're gonna have

25 000 people crashing onto your land oh i got my you you don't you don't you don't well my thing is the world may end now it's a little egotistical to think it's gonna end in my lifetime a little prideful to assume that but if it does end until then i want to have a good quality of life right and you don't have that when you're stuck in paranoia of what could be that's it's it's your goal the goal here is peace i want peace in my home that's a good word i want peace in my home and i got huge gardens i got a deep freezer my family but also like i don't know my wife drives prius and so i mean it's like it's it's it's it's kind of both hands it's kind of both hands so ron hey if i'm you brother you

are doing really really good i would turn youtube completely off and just not turn it back on. And I would sit down with your wife, your kids, and make some long-term plans about how you want to invest your money. And if buying Huntland's part of that, awesome. Just pay cash for it. Now, John, in your book, Redefining Anxiety, you share a story of kind of you spiraling out of control in the intro of the book. How does someone recover who's kind of in this mindset because this is a hard it's easy to say hey ron don't worry about it bro but how do you actually there's literally only one way that i that i've been able to find um you have to have somebody that you trust whether it's a therapist that you pay or a medical doctor or a close friend.

I was blessed. My wife called Todd, called my buddy, and his wife, who was a close friend, and said, John, it's not all right. And they drove three hours, and they had a new kid, we had a new kid, and the whole trip was, quote, unquote, under the guise of our kids were meeting together for the first time. But it was really like an intervention. The guise was my wife knew I trusted that guy.

And we walked out on the driveway and he said, hey, this has to stop. You're not all right. This has to stop. And I remember being pissed when he left, but that was the first thought like, oh, maybe it's me, right? But I don't know a way that somebody just comes out of that hurricane spiral on their own it has to be through

relationship which makes it so difficult especially when people other people are part of the spiral right that's what made covet so hard is other people were the scary thing were the zombies and that was also the thing that was going to make you whole was to sit with other people again yeah that isolation is dangerous and just having the echo chamber of the other people who also think it's all going to go down, also dangerous. Dude, you have to have people with common sense. Every friend needs one that's all coming down. That guy's important in the group.

John is the one in our friend group. I'm always that guy. But I have to have people in my life that are like, okay, that's cool, man, but go ahead and take the match in your 401. And you're doing the right things here in this situation where you don't have any debt, you don't owe anyone anything. I mean, even 2008, terrible financial crisis. Many people survived it financially.

It wasn't fun. The 401k went in half. Didn't collapse completely. Horrific numbers. Was it 35% unemployment? That meant 65%. Almost 7 out of 10 people were still working. So we lose perspective

with all of the... That 3 out of 10 was massive. Don't ever want to do that again. And there's always perspective. There's always perspective and that's what friends and community bring to us. A financial piece is a part of that equation, but you don't want a flat tire. You also have to have the relationships, have your physical health.

Like I call you that one time. Hey, I'm thinking about investing in this, but I'm thinking about investing in this. I have a guy. I got a buddy that I trust that I can call and you gave me good answers. Get you a guy. This is The Ramsey Show. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney. If you're a fan of this show, be sure to check out my friend Dr. John Deloney's show. It's on YouTube and podcast, and he does it right next door to the studio, and it's a real good one. And if you want more from me, which is a rare small group of people, you can check out Smart Money Happy Hour, a podcast I have with Rachel Cruz. That's real fun.

And then a brand new YouTube channel where I'm making hopefully fun, entertaining personal finance videos, breaking down all the traps and trends to help you guys. So go check that out. You're blown by me numbers wise. Well, I think it's because I went all in. I'm a YouTuber, like a true YouTuber. Yeah, you're like a YouTube native. Quick edits, highly produced, a lot of pop culture and memes, you know, less sad calls that are people

in really tough situations. So I have that going for me. And they're short. Well, it's crushing, dude. You're long-winded. I'm short-winded. You told me not to talk about your height on the air anymore, so I won't. Leave it alone, John.

But. All right. Let's go to the phones. Caleb is up next in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Caleb, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call. What's going on?

Well, I'm having some financial struggles with my girlfriend. Really, like, I'm doing all right myself. We have a separate bank account. You know, I've never really thought of combining them or anything, but she just hasn't been handling her finances very well, and it's kind of putting a real strain on our relationship. In what way? What's your involvement with her money? She hasn't been able to help out with any of like the bills we live together ah there it is okay

so a lot of combined bills she can't pay the bills no like she she can hardly even pay her own bills why and is she working full-time yes and no um she just recently relocated and that that was the issue like she took a job that didn't really pan out and so for about a month or two there she really didn't have the income coming coming in okay and you know on top of that she didn't really have any money saved up to fall back on so she was putting stuff on credit cards so you're are you covering all the bills right now yeah like so brother like the household bill kevin is the problem financial or is the problem you're growing increasingly

disgusted is probably a strong word but you're growing increasingly frustrated by the character of the person you're trying to play house with? Yeah. I mean... Are you starting to believe like, I don't know if I want to be married to someone who rolls like this? Yeah.

I mean, that's's definitely i think you kind of hit the nail on the head right there okay because here's the deal one george and i are both going to tell you if if you're not married and we can say there's a moral issue fine but there's there's a legal issue if you're not married paying each other's bill playing house playing each other's bills, it just makes for a mess, dude. If you own a house together, the whole thing is just so complex. And so we would tell you, man, if you're going to play house, get married, because at least there is some legal protection as you separate things out if things go sideways. If you're just dating, it just turns into World

War III and IV and V. But beyond that, man, both George and I are married. We both are all in on the woman that we are with. And if there's a season where we got to do extra, I mean, there's no problem there. That doesn't seem to be your issue. That seems to be like you're just getting increasingly frustrated that this is who I'm dating? Like, come on!

And she's just like, nah, you got it. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, that's definitely, you're going down the right hole there. I mean, what kind of frustrates me

is I feel like a pressure, like she wants our relationship to move to like the next level. What is the next level? You guys are already living together. That would be like marriage or kids.

Ah. And I'm not comfortable doing that with her because of her finances. Have you told her that? Hey, hold on. It's not because of her finances. It's because of her character. They are expressing themselves in her finances.

Don't get those two screwed up because she's going to make you a bunch of promises and say okay well i'll pay my credit card off and i'll go get another job that's not going to cure the underlying which is i'll do whatever i want i don't have to participate in building make creating a home together and also in her defense i y'all are kind of just make it up i mean you're just it's very wishy-washy and it's hard to it's hard to anchor into wishy-washy right yeah yeah i agree have you had a conversation with her yet about all this yeah i i have and it just ends in like argument and yelling and stuff. I'm just kind of at my wit's end because even as we speak, like she's getting, like opening up new credit card accounts

and stuff like that. Have you said to her, being in debt scares me to death and when you borrow money, I can't breathe. And moving forward in my home, the home that I want to raise kids in and build a family with, we are going to be people who don't borrow money. And so if that's the way you want to get through your world,

I love that you are opting out of relationship with me. Have you said that? No, I haven't. Have a backbone, man. You got to stand up and speak your virtues out into the world. Because you're going to wake up three years from now, you're going to have two kids, you're going to be considering a wedding,

and you are not even going to know what day it is. You're going to be so frustrated. Is that fair? Yeah. I would never, and listen to me, don't go tell them don't go tell her hey i called these guys on the radio they told me to dump your butt that's not what we're saying at all i'm telling you the only thing in the world you can control is your thoughts and your actions so you go be a person of character and say exactly what you need and what you feel and then she gets to opt into that

and y'all create a life together or she gets to opt out of that and have a bunch of shiny plastic toys. That's it. I know I made that sound real simple. I know it's way more complex than that. But Caleb, this is eating you alive, man. This is turning into resentment.

This is turning into you feeling like you're enabling her poor decisions. And if i'm in your shoes i just go this relationship isn't working our values are too dissimilar for this to work and i wish you the best and you know what that means someone's got to move out and it's going to get real awkward real quick because your first thought's going to be like i've been paying the bills and she's going to say bye felicia and the whole then the whole thing starts over they hold then

george and i high five and we're like told you so but but we won't do that i know the next few steps are gonna be real hard but what's even harder is just sticking this out hoping things change and it just gets worse and then you've got a lot of resentment and uh john deloney uh he quotes another super smart psychologist guy who said choose guilt over resentment resentment. Yeah. And you're going to feel guilty. You're going to go, ah, she's already going through a tough time. I can't believe I do this to her. But man, it's going to eat you alive. Choose that over hating the woman that you love, right?

Or hating your mother-in-law or hating your dad. Like, choose guilt. Choose the boundaries, right? And it goes back to, I don't think I've talked about it yet, but I think I've talked about it a little bit. It's a secret? Well, it's just I got a new book coming out in the fall. But one of the discussions comes from the great Michael Easter. It's hard.

Life is hard if you are overweight by 100 pounds. It's hard. And it's so hard to lose a hundred pounds. So you're not toggling between a one's real easy and one's real hard. My life is super simple. If I'm a hundred pounds overweight and my knees hurt, my back hurts and I'm exhausted. And it's, it's, that's not, you're not choosing between a real fun time and a hard time losing weight. They're both hard. Right now, what he's choosing is nobody taught that dude

how to say his needs out loud. And nobody taught him how to sit down with somebody and build a picture of what marriage could look like for us and building a life and a home together. No one's done that. Doing that will be almost impossible. And living with somebody that you don't share their values and they are just digging a hole that expect you to clean up, that's almost impossible. And living with somebody that you don't share their values, and they are just digging a hole that expect you to clean up, that's hard too.

So it's not an easy, one's easy and one's hard. They're both hard. You've got to just choose your heart, right? One's going to lead to freedom for you. What's the path? That's right. That's a good word. One path heads to freedom.

Man, wishing you the best. Choose your heart, man. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. My thanks to all the folks in the booth keeping the show running. My co-host, Dr. John Deloney, and you, America, we'll be back with you before you know it. Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey, we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the Ramsey way.

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