The Ramsey Show - App - How Can I Fix My Past Money Mistakes? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

from the Ramsey Network you're listening to the Ramsey show I am Jade Warshaw one of your co-hosts today joined by best-selling author George Camel we We're going to be chopping it up with you all hour long, so give us a call. The number is 888-825-5225. Bring us your toughest money questions. Don't go too hard on us, Jade. Come on now. George, I was depending on you. I was going to say, George can help you out. He's well-equipped. Sometimes you just

want a soft toss. Give me an easy win. Yeah, a little. No curveballs, but truly, if you have, listen, we'll try it. Throw some curveballs. We'll see if we can answer it. Give us a call. So let's go to Billings, Montana, where Sean is on the line. What's going on, Sean?

Sean, are you there? Yes, I am listening to you. Hey, thanks for taking my call, Jake and George. I have a am leaving you. Hey, thanks for taking my call, Jaden George. I have a question for you. I'm wondering, what do I do if my wife is going behind my back, spending money, making bad money choices without talking to me beforehand? It's really hurting us, and I just don't know how to get her on board to stop doing this kind of behavior. What kind of behind the back? Give us a little bit more detail.

Right. Let's say she'll sign my daughter up for some kind of dance thing that's very expensive without talking to me beforehand. Or she'll borrow money from her mom, thousands of dollars without talking to me beforehand, and then I'm stuck with putting the bill. You know, it just comes up out of nowhere. What happens when you confront her about this?

Well, I've tried everything. I've tried, like, being really kind of angry about it and confronting her harshly, and that doesn't work. She shuts down. She thinks I'm a bad guy. She says, this is why I don't talk to you. So I've tried the opposite. I've tried being very soft and understanding and try to like let her know she can talk to me.

That doesn't work. Everything kind of backfires on me. So I'm looking to you guys for some guidance. Has this always been going on? How long have you guys been married? I'm sorry, you're breaking up. Can you repeat the question? Sure.

How long have you guys been married? Uh-oh. Still losing you. Uh-oh. You're in those mountains in montana i mean in the middle of you know nowhere kind of i thought i had good service now i can hear you i was asking how long have you guys been married we'll try to get back here we can answer it in a you know general way right now without having more details here's what i'm

getting at i was asking him george how long they've been married because what i wanted to get to is has this been a occurrence that's been going on just 10 years of this behavior and pattern or did they are they newlyweds and they're figuring it out but what i was thinking george is i detected that they've got some um animosity between each other that may have nothing to do with the money simply because of the way he said he confronted her about it and the things that she said in return. This is why I don't trust you or this is why. So in many ways, I almost wonder if this behavior is a lashing out of sorts from another, from other issues. And so that's based off that little bit that we heard from Sean.

I kind of think that that might be it. I mean, the first step, I think you guys need marriage counseling. This is beyond a money thing. She shuts down, doesn't want to talk about this. There's no trust. There's no communication here. This isn't a healthy marriage by any standard.

And so that's step one is, while financially we need to get some headway, we need marriage counseling to get to the root of the problem, whether that's this marriage or past trauma or the way she grew up or the way she thinks the money should be handled. We need to just, we need a third party here because the third party can help when one person shuts down, you need that person who's not the spouse to try to resurrect the situation. 100% because i mean i know if i say something if sam says to me hey jade i wish you wouldn't do xyz and my response is see

this is why i never tell you anything or this is why i don't talk to you that is an indicator i've got a lot of beef you know beneath the surface that needs to be cooked up and so yeah i agree but it sounds like he's at least trying to communicate in different ways and not just come at her harshly every time and go, hey, listen, you borrowed money from the mom. And I don't know how honest he's being with how it makes him feel. And I don't know how much of a vote she lets him have in this marriage. It sounds like he doesn't have much say. I think it's ticking him off.

Yeah. And so he has a right to be angry. 100%. I didn't get to hear her side. Maybe she's got another side to this, but. Sounds like there's something. So yeah, I agree with you, George. Counseling is the way to go.

This is what we would call financial infidelity. It's one thing to make a small purchase that wasn't in the budget. Hey, groceries went over. It's another to buy, you know, I signed her up for a thousand dollar dance class. And it's even worse if there's a spectrum here of I'm going to go into debt behind your back. Borrowing money. Yes. And then he said he's footing the bill, which makes me think their money is not together. Another clue. They've been disjointed and separate probably from the start. Yes. And so at some point, even with separate finances, we're supposed to work out perfectly. You got to come together and go, that wasn't cool because that affects me too.

Yeah, that's a good clue, George. Something, if she's feeling the need to come together and go, that wasn't cool because that affects me too. Yeah, that's a good clue, George. Something, if she's feeling the need to reach out and borrow thousands from a family member, then my mind, I would have asked him next. I would have said, well, tell me about the budget. Is she the type that you handle the money and she gets an allowance because that doesn't work? So I wish we could have gotten into more, but Sean, call us back another time and we'll dig. If I ever said to my wife, yeah, I got to foot the bill for Whitney, I wouldn't be alive to tell the tale. No, you wouldn't. If I said that I had to foot the bill for something my wife did.

You'd be on the moon. I would not. And my wife stays at home now, so she doesn't bring in income, you know what I mean? Like in the traditional sense, but it's still our money. She gets just as much of a vote as I do. And I think that's the most important part. And especially for stay-at-home spouses, it puts them in a real precarious situation. There's a lot of shame and guilt when they go, well, I don't want to spend this money

because I don't bring any money into the house and I want to go provide. I'm like, moms, do you understand? Or dads, whoever stays at home, you would need to hire Mary Poppins to keep the house afloat. When I get home, I am thankful that I got to be here with adults

and go to the bathroom when I want to and eat when I want to. Yeah. Because my wife is just, it's chaos sometimes. And so bless all the stay at home spouses doing the Lord's work out there. You are worth every penny and more. And there's a way to avoid that power struggle of

one person is working out in the marketplace and one person's doing work at home. One person's bringing in, you know, income from that job. The other person's, you know, providing a lot of value at home. When you have a budget that you're working with together and you guys are deciding those line items together, right? I know on our budget, there's a Sam's fund money. There's a Jade's fund money. There is, you know, all these categories where it's like, I know that at any point in time, I can go into the budget and use money on XYZ

because it's planned for. I don't have to say, Sam, can I have $50 to get my nails done? I still have the autonomy there. But at the same time, there's the communication is open to see, hey, I see that this money is available for Jade to spend how she wants. This money is available for Sam to spend how he wants. And there's really no gray.

It's autonomy with guardrails and communication and accountability. And if you don't want that, please don't get married because you're going to just hurt the other person and hurt yourself in the process when you go, I just want to live exactly how I want to live without anyone telling. You've got to have someone else speaking into it, too. Yeah, I think my feelings would be hurt if Sam was like, you know, I just want my own account over here just to just to do the things that I want to do. I think my question would be like, well, why don't you want me to know about it? Because I'm not going to keep you from doing anything.

So I think these are the conversations that we have to have. John and John Deloney and I were hosting the other day and we were kind of poking fun at when couples don't share their money. And so they've been mowing each other back and forth. And so many people were saying, Jade, you know, it's it's whatever works for the couple. And I'm like, I get that. But there is some there are things that slowly eat away at a relationship over time. Even if you think, yeah, this is working for us.

There's a bit of trust that's being deteriorated every time you make a separation. You know what I'm saying? And so that's kind of where I... Save the Venmo for your friends, not your spouse, please. I agree with that, George. You want a good marriage. Yeah. Share the bank accounts.

This is The Ramsey Show. This is The Ramsey Show on Ramsey Network. By the way, you can watch the show on YouTube if you've never done that. Maybe you've just been a podcast person. I think it adds a little extra value when you watch it on YouTube. It's just like you can see what's going on. Yeah. You know, people have been clamoring.

They're like, I just want to watch George's face while I listen. Facial expressions. Or you could check out the Ramsey Network app. That's another place where there's some fun stuff going on. You can view the show and some other things as well. In the meantime, we got Ramsey's show question of the day. Today's question comes from Jim in Oregon. He says, I'm trying to take the lead in my family and get the burden of keeping up with the finances off of my wife.

I've messed up and let her down a lot, and we've gotten in debt. Now we are stuck in the revolving paying credit card off every month. She doesn't believe in debit cards. It's not Santa Claus. Okay. She doesn't believe in debit cards, which makes it too easy to get money out of the bank, so she refuses to get a debit card. I know that I've let her down, and I'm trying to fix it, it but every time i try and discuss it she's tired or not feeling well how do i get her to understand that the credit card is part of the problem well i don't know that she's gonna listen to you jim considering that

you've made your own money mistakes she's going what makes you king of the hill yeah over here telling me what we're gonna do with our Yeah. This sounds like a conversation that's been worn out in their house. Yeah. No one's going to win this argument. You're both losing right now. And part of it is you're not aligned with the foundation of money, the principles, the values. That's part of it.

Because then the game plan that's carried out from your values and principles is going to go in different directions. You're trying to do this with a debit card. She's trying to do it with a credit card. You probably have different views on debt. So that's part of the issue I'm seeing here. Yeah. If I were them, I'd probably, if you can get her to, you might even frame it up and act like it wasn't even your idea and just say, someone told me about this thing, Financial Peace University. I'm going to watch it. Would you like to watch it with me? And that way, you know, you kind of get

to be the, you guys get to, we get to be the bad guy, right? And we get to be the one that's telling you, here's the best way to handle your money. And I might try to start there if she'll even sit down and watch it with you. And if not, that's a red flag. If she's unwilling to even move forward in this money journey with you. And I think for a season, you co-lead. Right now, I don't think either of you should be like, I'm taking the reins, just trust me. That's a terrible financial plan in any marriage. There needs to be communication, accountability, and alignment. That's where Financial Peace University is a great tool. And when it comes to this, the credit card, the debit card, it's too easy to get money out of the bank. I'm like,

you know where credit card debt has to get paid from? Your bank. So this idea that a debit card, it's too easy to get money out of the bank. I'm like, you know where credit card debt has to get paid from? Your bank. So this idea that a debit card, it's too easy for the money to leave. Well, that's a human problem that we need to fix versus just dealing with some symptom. Well, and then there's clearly an emotional side of this. And I feel like we say this a lot, but counseling, if she right here, you're saying, I know I've let her down a lot. I'm trying to fix it. I'm trying to take the lead. I've messed up and I've let her down.

You said that three different times in this letter, this short little paragraph letter that for me is an indicator that there's some healing that needs to take place. And so counseling is a great place. And by the way, I think that counseling all the time, you know, on kind of a regular, like we just go and have a check-in. Just maintenance. Yeah, it's so good. It helps your communication.

It helps you talk through things that really are issues and it prepares you for when an issue does pop up, like how to talk about it and how to make the most of it. Yeah, that's good. Well, thank you for the question, Jim. That's a tough one. I think a lot of people relate whether or not they're the exact same situation.

There's generally some disagreement about how we handle the money. And so I like the idea of you saying, hey, forget my plan. Clearly, I've screwed it up. I don't have all the answers. What if we try this proven plan I heard about, Financial Peace University? Would you be willing to try someone else's plan, not Jim's plan? I think that might open her up a little bit. I think so, too.

I think he's trying to get a little baby bird to come to him, you know, like this. And there's been a lot of false starts. So hopefully that helps him out. All right. Let's head over to Chicago, Illinois, where we've got Jacob on the line. What's going on, Jacob? Hi. Can you guys hear me?

Yeah, we can. So I am 22 years old and I'm about $90,000 in debt. A large portion of that, about 45,000 of it is from my car loan. Wow. I made about 85,000 last year, I want to say, maybe closer to $90,000. I'm a realtor and a part-time server. Okay. And then my credit card debt adds up to around $30,000. What are you spending this money on?

I do go out to eat a lot. I also, you know, spend a lot of money on, like, marketing stuff and, you know, paying office dues and fees and stuff like that. And then I also gamble a little bit. What's a little bit? Well, a little bit more than I should. Probably, I probably lost about 15 or 20,000 in just that. I like self evicted myself from the casino. Okay.

What about your phone? So how about my phone? I'm on my parents' phone bill still. No, I mean the gambling apps on your phone. Oh, no, I can't do that. Since it's statewide, it does not allow me to. Okay, that's good. When's the last time you gambled at all? On a vacation, on a cruise. It was about a month ago. Okay. Okay. So that's part of the problem

here because you're not going to make much financial headway when you've got an addiction in place. So I would handle that first before we do anything else. And this car needs to go. It is way too much of your world at 22 years old. What's it worth? Yeah. My biggest problem with that is the trade-in value has dropped significantly. I paid over $50,000 for it. Well, trade-in value always sucked.

Since the beginning of time, trade-in value sucked. So not trade-in. What's the private part of that? I was looking at the used models, and they were selling more than the new ones. So I thought that maybe that would happen to me. If you were to check KBB, what would it say that if you do a private sale, what could you sell it for? The last time I did it on KBB, it was showing around $30,000 that I would get for it.

What car is this? It's a Kia EV6. Oh, there we go. I was hoping it wasn't a Kia. I'm telling you, every call we've had with a Kia EV6. Oh, there we go. I was hoping it wasn't a Kia. I'm telling you, every call we've had with a Kia EV, this value has dropped so insanely fast, it hurts my brain. Do you have any money laying around? Do you have any money saved anywhere? I have a Roth IRA with about $3,500 in it that I can't touch.

I put $100 into it per month. Let's stop that. Can you promise me you're going to pause investing until we get this debt cleaned up? Yes. That $100 is much better spent getting some financial foundation for you right now. And you'll get back to investing. You're 22. You got plenty of time to invest if we can get out of debt over the next two years. Then from 24 to 64, you have all the margin to invest for 40 years. Do you have any other liquid or non-retirement money? No. Okay. Are you living at home?

I am. That's the good news. So you have very little bills and expenses. Correct. So you're making $85,000. How much is the car payment? The car payment is $975 a month. Oh my goodness. Wow. That's something. How quickly could you save up the difference that you're underwater on? To save $15,000? Are you making $5,000 or $6,000 a month? It depends on how many houses I sell because I'm commission-based.

I mean, I make around like $600 to $1,000 per week in the restaurant. I work three days a week there. On a normal month, what are you seeing? What's the average amount that you would take home? On a normal month, probably anywhere from around $3,000 to $7,000. Okay, so let's say that normal for you is around $4,500 that you're taking home. $975 car payment. What are you paying each month toward the credit cards?

I'm paying the minimum balances due. So minimum payments are with each one of them. I have a couple different credit cards. So it would probably add up to around over $1,000 a month in minimum payment. Okay, so we'll say $1,100 to the credit cards. So right now, yeah, you're spending a little over $2,000 just on this debt. But the good news is you've got that much free in margin to really make this happen. If I'm you, I am amping up the server work that I'm doing.

I'm amping up in the real estate side. I'm trying to get as much money as possible because the first thing here is let's clear that $15,000 underwater difference so that you can get out of this Kia EV because it is whooping your behind. And then let's save up as much as we can, $5,000, get you a cash car. And then we're going to start attacking these credit cards. But hey, again, this is the theme. I want you in counseling. We need to figure out what's behind the gambling. We need to figure out what's behind you kind of propping up this lifestyle at 22.

What's causing you to go into debt and overspend at such a high rate at such a young age? Because I want you to get that under control before it starts controlling you. This is The Ramsey Show. You are listening to The Ramsey Show. And hey, I just want to remind you, this is your chance. If you've had a question about money, if there's been a question that you've had, but maybe think it's a silly question or a dumb question or something you should know by now, there's no dumb questions in personal finance. It's all about learning and getting

the information and putting it into action. So myself, Jade Warshaw and George Camel, your other host today, we're going to help walk you through it again. No question is too silly. Matter of fact, you could just say,

hey, I'm asking for a friend and that way we can. I've always said, Jay, there's no dumb questions, only stupid people. And I stand by it. Don't blame the question. That's just words.

George, I'm kidding. You're not making these people feel any better. I'm having fun with it. I'm kidding. You're not making these people feel any better. I'm having fun with it. I'm joking. I've asked a lot of dumb questions in my day. Oh man. I remember. I still do. Well, you know, that's in the eye of the beholder, the person who's being asked. But I remember, you know, when it comes to personal finance, it is one of those things where there's a lot of lingo. There's a lot of jargon. There's a lot of words that maybe you've heard before and you feel like you should know what that is, but you don't know what that is. You feel like, well, I'm just not

the type of person who should be investing in a Roth 401k. I don't fully understand it. And guess what? There's a knowledge gap that you can fill. Yes, you can. And you got to be dangerous. It's dangerous with who you fill with because some dudes on social media, some guru selling you on some investment club, not the vibe. That's very good. That is very good. You need to be careful of where you take your information from.

Luckily here at Ramsey, we've got over 30 years of experience and backing. Everything that we teach here has been proven over a 30 year track record. And we know that it works. And we're Get Rich Slow. And if it sounds like Get Rich Slow, it's probably the right path. And if sounds like bro we're gonna 10x your money

it's probably not the right move real you're about to get screwed yes big facts so so true so if you're looking for something to get involved in you could follow any of our personalities on instagram george camel rachel cruz dr john deloney ken coleman myself we're all giving you information that you can value and trust. Okay, off my soapbox. I just kind of wanted to talk about that a little bit. I appreciate that. You know, it can be intimidating.

Let's talk to Gina. She's in Orlando, Florida. My neck of the woods. Florida, what's going on, Gina? Hello. Hi, guys. How are you today? We're great.

Good to talk to you. How can we help? So great to talk to you guys. Okay, so I'm going to get right to the point. So I work for a very large company in Orlando, a very large unionized company. And I started in January and I got my offer letter in December. They offered me $18 an hour and I signed it, emailed it back, went along with my paperwork, started in January. Now it is now June. And I know that's a long time from January, but just recently I had to refile for my benefits and they required some of my pay stubs. So I'm looking through my pay stubs

and I noticed for my hourly pay, it says 17 an hour. And I'm like, well, that must just be one of these pay stubs. So I'm going through all of them and they all say 17 an hour. And I'm like, I'm really confused at this point. So I give my manager a call. I let them know. And they're like, oh, all right. So I send them an email of my offer letter that shows exactly what they offered me. It's shown there twice. And I email it to them.

And, you know, I kind of just wait a day to see what happens. So from then until now, I have been getting nothing but the runaround from this company. I've called HR. I've been in contact with payroll. I've been back and forth with some of my top managers, some of my regular managers. And is this just to get the retroactive pay or have they at least changed your pay going forward? They don't want to do anything, Jade. They don't want to do anything. They are literally saying

because they are a unionized company that they are, that is the rate for that role. And I'm like, I understand that is the rate for that role, but that is not what you offered me. And that's not what I signed for. And it's a sign that they're tractually obligated to pay you that amount.

And I know that. And that's what I've been saying. And my managers have been talking to HR. They've been talking to the union and saying, hey, this is what her offer said. You know, can she at least get, you know, some, some back pay? And they are giving me a no, like a flat no answer. Do you have any, do you have any friends that are lawyers or a friend who knows a lawyer, somebody who can just, you can run this by and they're not going to charge you? I, I do not, but I may, my mother-in-law may know somebody.

I don't know off the top of my head. Ask around a little bit. Ask around a little bit because that's what I would do. If somebody came to me and said, Jade, say again. I said, this isn't right, right? If you're telling me that you have in your hand a signed letter of saying this is what you'll be paid and you've signed it and the company assigned it 100 it's not right they're breaking they're breaking the contract that they have with you and that's what i'm saying so it's like any other document that i signed with them is that too void are none of

my documents that i signed with this company are they are they all void as well? Well, did you sign anything that says 17 an hour? Are you having documents that some say this and some say that? No. My offer clearly said, it said, you know, congratulations, you know, for XYZ, you're going to be offered 18. And then you open up a link at the bottom and it shows your role and it shows you everything that you know what you're obligated to do for the company yeah and again and it's signed rate 18 and i find that and it says my name it says my okay so let's let's decide how much

let's decide how worth it this is yeah can i do the math for you gina yeah i think that's my main question should i let this go or is this worth pursuing? I think both. I don't want this to consume your life. Gina, Gina, stay with me. Listen, we're arguing over $1,000. That's the amount of back pay you're owed. January to June, an extra dollar an hour, that's $1,000. So know that going in. Don't go spend $6,000 on a lawyer to make $1,000. Don't let this consume your life to where you... I'm trying not to like, yeah. I know it's frustrating because of the principle and you feel wronged and you're worth more than $18 an hour.

You're priceless, right? Number one, you don't want to work for this employer. So you need to go find a new job and jump ship when you do. Number two, you can do your due diligence. Look into Florida labor laws, look into the Fair Labor Standards Act. There's some other resources I have here. Department of Labor, you can file a complaint with them. You can look into mediation legal action. You can look at the Florida Department of Economic Opportunity. They have resources for you. The U.S. Department of Labor Wage and our division. So there's a lot of things you can do.

But again, what is worth Gina's time? If I'm you, I'm going, screw them. I'm worth more than this. They treated me wrong. I don't want to work for an employer like this. Go find a new job. We're not talking about $300,000 a year here. That's right.

And so you can go find a job making $18 an hour elsewhere. What job is this? What kind of role are you in? It's for a pretty big company. I don't want to name drop. No, what's the role? You don't need to name drop the role, but like what skills? Okay, the role I am, I work in a club level lounge. Okay. It's not like, yeah, it's, it's a lounge position. Okay. Can you find another, can you find more work like that?

That pays similar or more? Absolutely. Move on. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, and my, my whole thing is I just wanted to know if this was worth it or not.

Am I stressing myself out over really? They did you wrong, but you're to George's point, they did you wrong, but you're spending more mental calories on it they're somewhere eating a sandwich they are sitting somewhere with their feet up they could care less what gina is talking about and you're the only one over here that's stressed out to george's point only you know over a thousand dollars and so don't give them that power in your life you You're giving them too much power. You're going to be drinking your own poison soon with just all the resentment you've built up

toward this company and the people you've dealt with. And I just think you're worth more than a thousand bucks. I just want you to move on with your life and go never again. And I'm going to make sure, I'm going to check that first pay stub. And as soon as I see an issue, I'm going to say, nope, this is what we agreed on.

And so you've learned the lesson here and it's not on you, but you just need to move on. And I personally, I wouldn't go hire an attorney over this. I would fight on my own for a few more hours and a few more emails

and then I'm just going to move on. Yeah, I agree. I'm sorry that happened though. That sucks. Yeah, definitely put no money into this. I think she can go somewhere, George, and I think she can earn a lot more money. Her next job,

she's going to be getting paid $25 an hour going, why was I so stressed out? And like the company at the same time. Yeah, there's always, sometimes you think you're between a rock and a hard place, but there's a lot of other directions that you can go, and that's what's going on with Gina. This is The Ramsey Show. You are listening to The Ramsey Show on The Ramsey network i'm jade warshaw next to me

is george camel we're taking your calls all hour long triple eight eight two five five two two five and if you didn't know it you know maybe you just watch the show and you just think we're two folks in a studio actually it's two very large buildings that we work from and it's a lot of people in here i think there's like over a thousand of us. That's right. Working in here day in and day out. Lots of different resources that we offer here. Ramsey Education, Ramsey Trusted Services, just to name a few.

Then there's all the stuff like EveryDollar and everything like that. One of our favorite, Ramsey Trusted, they're here to help you guys. You need help with things like realusted, they're here to help you guys, okay? You need help with things like real estate, and we're here to help. So selling a house the Ramsey way, it's really what makes homeownership a blessing instead of a burden, and we've got the right tools for you. Our Ramsey Trusted program is really the only way for you to find an agent that you can trust. This person is going to keep you on track with the things that we teach here at Ramsey,

which is so important. You're going to get the best offer on your house and you're going to find the right house for you. If you're looking to purchase a house, this is so important, George, because it's a jungle out there, right? And people will do anything, especially with this market. If you're trying to buy a house, people are doing bridge loans. People are doing zero down loans. For sale by owner, trying to save a buck. Oh gosh. Now's not the time to do amateur hour.

I know. And you don't want an agent who's so desperate to make a dollar that they'll kind of suggest things to you that are not good for you. Oh, well, if you need to get your loan approved, just do this. You don't want that. You want somebody- What if you did a HELOC and that way you could- No, our Ramsey Trusted Pros, they're not going to steer you wrong.

They're not going to give you advice that goes against the Ramsey principles, which are meant to help you live with more peace, less stress, and get the house paid off. Remember, that's the goal. That's what you want. So we're going to send you some of the top agents in your area. These are people that we trust. You're going to get to review their stats. You're going to get to interview them yourself and decide which one of them that you want to work with, because you're going to choose one of them. And these Ramsey Trusted Agents, they've got years of experience. They're going to help you make the wise decisions when it comes to pricing, when it comes to marketing, and they're going to help you choose the right offer. So find a Ramsey Trusted Real Estate Agent for free. Did I mention that it's free? At ramseysolutions.com

slash agent. So that's what we're looking for. I love my Ramsey trusted pro that has helped us with our houses. She's great. You come like lifelong friends with some of these folks. They're amazing. Mandy Linfesty, shout out. Shout out.

In the middle Tennessee area, Williamson County. She'll appreciate that. I know she will. All right, let's go to the phone lines. We got Elizabeth in Austin, Texas. What's going on, Elizabeth? Hi. How are you doing? Good. How are you? Good. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you could hear me at first. So just to kind of get to the point, my stepmom and I don't have a really good relationship.

I recently found out that she has absolutely no retirement funds or plans. And there's just no way my husband or I could even think about helping her. And so I just, I'm not quite sure what to do in this situation or like how to avoid feeling guilty that I can't help. Is she asking for help? No, not yet. But her and my dad aren't very financially responsible. So it's... How old are they?

I'm worried that if some... She's 56. Okay. Okay. Okay, how old is your dad? Same age? He's 53. Okay. Are they both working?

They are right now. Okay. And where does your dad come into play? Because you're talking a lot about stepmom here. He doesn't work. He works, but he doesn't work at home. So he has a job as a truck driver. Mm-hmm.

And he has, like, a pension that he's vested into, but that's only, like, $500 a month for when he retires. Have they told you about their financial situation? My dad has. He's been very vocal about that. Is he worried about it when he tells you? A little bit, yeah. Just because that's not a lot of money to live off of. Sure. What's your financial situation? So my husband and I are currently in baby step two.

We make $90,000 a year and we're scheduled to have, if everything goes perfectly, we're scheduled to have $50,000 paid off by March of 2026. And that's the full amount? That's the full amount, minus our mortgage. Okay, great. Yeah, that's excellent. Okay, so I sympathize with what you're saying because I, you know, they're your parents, you love them, you see them drowning and you want to save them, right? But at the same time, you've got to get yourself into the raft first and save yourself so that you can pull them into somewhere safe. So there's all of that there.

It sounds like your dad, at the very least, it sounds like he's willing to talk to you somewhat about this. One thing that you can try is to say, hey, you know, dad, some of the things that you're saying, I have felt that too you know we we've been worried about the future for ourselves and i found this plan you know it's called financial peace university we've started working it and it's working for us it's a lot of work but it's helping us you know i'll send i'll send you a copy of it and maybe you do it like that um as opposed to because you're not here's the thing you can't save them and you're not responsible for their life and their decisions yeah as much as you might have empathy for their situation and we know you

can't change people we've tried i wish i could you know you can't your personal trainer can't care more about you losing weight than you yeah it just it doesn't work you can hold up the oxygen they don't have to inhale. And so part of this is having the hard conversation and saying, listen, I can't take care of you guys if you don't take care of yourselves. We're not going to be able to have you move in with us and have us float you if you didn't prepare. Now, the good thing is they're not that old. No, they're not. They're probably, you know, if they work really hard for the next 10, 15 years, they can have a decent little nest egg and retire with some peace. Would you agree? Why is there no hope for them at this point? Well, it's not so much

that there's no hope for my dad. It's just my stepmom really loves to shop. And so... And is she going into debt for this? Yeah, she has in the past. It's caused them to go through bankruptcy twice now. This is, even more so, this is becoming an issue you can't solve. Because these are marital issues. There are financial issues that you're seeing. You're seeing the symptoms on the outside, financially speaking. But these are marital issues that you, I mean, you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg on the outside, financially speaking, but these are marital issues that you,

I mean, you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg on this. And with any kind of misbehavior, if you throw money at it, you're just going to be enabling more of the same misbehavior. She's not just going to change her habits because you gave her $5,000. She's going to go, whoo, shopping spree. How long have they been married? How long has she been your stepmom? 16 years now. Okay, so this is locked in. What's your relationship with her? It's really terrible.

She was physically and verbally abusive when I was little. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. So, yeah. So, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth. You're at this and you're going this woman is dragging my dad down a little bit yeah and so yeah you're you're mad have you brought this to your dad have you shared your honest feelings with your dad um about how she's treated you and her financial situation and how it affects him, his retirement? Yeah, I have.

For Father's Day, I got him a total money makeover, and he started reading it, and he wants to get on the right track now, but it's just... It's on him to get her on board. And you're going to have a much harder time doing that with your position. And so I think the more you can encourage him, get him on the plane, get him fired up, that will then hopefully be contagious to her. Or at least he gets some boundaries and goes, listen, you can't spend like this anymore.

I'm taking away access to this card because you're putting our family in danger. And the way that you motivate him is by sharing your journey. Like share when you're winning, when you guys do your debt-free scream, share that, share how it feels to have this peace. Talk about the conversations that you're having with your spouse. Hey, you know, we've been, it was tough at first, but we keep opening up the lines of communication. Just be open and share. You can't make them do anything. All you can do is tell them about it. And then you kind of just have to step away and really just leave it in God's hands at that point, which is tough to do, George. It is not easy. We want to control the people that we love. Let's just be honest about that. But we can't.

It doesn't work that way. This is The Ramsey Show. Music Music