The Ramsey Show - App - How Can I Give My Daughter a Better Start Than I Had? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of the choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Anthony O'Neill. Ramsey Personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. As we answer your questions about your life and your money, open phones at 888-825-5225.
Starting point is 00:00:50 That's 888-825-5225. Josh is with us to start off this hour. He's in Chicago. Hey, Josh, how are you? Hey, Dave. It's a pleasure speaking with you guys. Hey, Anthony. How are you guys doing? Great, man. How's a pleasure speaking with you guys. Hey, Anthony. How are you guys doing?
Starting point is 00:01:05 Great, man. How can we help? Hi. So I started listening to the show maybe about two months ago, so still relatively new to the process. Working through the baby steps. I'm on step one right now. More or less, my career, I have a job that pays relatively well, but I'm just not really happy. I did feel like God called me to do what I'm doing at the time when I got the job, but it's kind of been a very difficult process. I'm trying to figure out how to work in possibly looking for an alternate job into the Baby Step program, I guess is my question in a nutshell you mean change jobs while you're working baby steps right okay what do you make now uh right now i'm i make about 50 a year
Starting point is 00:01:53 50 yeah 50 000 yeah and you're how old i'm 27 what do you do i'm a biomedical technician so i repair dialysis equipment. Okay. And what would you change to? That kind of becomes a little bit of a thing. So I'm a very social person, and I very much so enjoy speaking with people, and the kind of work that I do now is very socially isolating. So I guess the easiest answer is it doesn't bring joy to my heart
Starting point is 00:02:26 to do what I'm doing now even though I know I'm helping people. So I want to find something that I'm able to invest into others in a more personal person. Yeah, that's pretty broad. Yeah, I don't know where you put that resume in. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Right now, you got to be intentional. And it doesn't sound like you're being intentional so um no i don't think it's a good opportunity it's a good time for you to change careers now let's just say this all right you need to go through ken coleman's process right yeah and once you do that and you identify i want to work doing i want to be one of those whatever that is or something that has these components to it, whatever. That it's a little more than just, I don't want to work with machines. I want to work with people.
Starting point is 00:03:11 I get that. But that leaves the entire world open that you could do. There's a lot of stuff you can do out there with that as your guidelines. So you're going to have to get more clarity on where you're going, number one. And you can do that while you're working to get out of debt. And once you know what that is, then we've got to figure out what that pays. Now, here's the deal. If it pays $50,000 a year or more and you can land the job,
Starting point is 00:03:37 it doesn't harm your debt snowball at all. As a matter of fact, it helps it for you to make the move. If it pays $30,000 a year and you make $50,000 now, now we've got to stop and think about it. Maybe not. But if it's a lateral or up move, why wouldn't you? Yeah, a lot of the jobs that I've been looking at would be not as high of an income. You know why?
Starting point is 00:04:03 Because you don't have it clarified. You haven't set a goal. You've just kind of generally went, I want out of here. Who's hiring? Well, who's hiring is entry level always. So we need to have a little bit better clarity on your career path, and this might take six months for you to land a better job, but you're not going to die there in six months i mean you're just you just need to see some human beings is all you're
Starting point is 00:04:29 saying and you'll get there you're going to be fine what we don't want to sign up for is 10 years of doing this and doing nothing about it right right but 10 months 10 months you can survive while you find the right clarity uh but no no, I don't want you moving down. Matter of fact, even if you were out of debt and you just called and went, I think I want to be happy, good, move up. That makes you happier. If you found something paid $100,000 with people involved, you'd be a lot happier. Very much so.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Yeah. So let's do that. I mean, why do we have to make the assumption that in order to be happy we have to make less money it generally works the other way around by the way but you know what dave this younger generation really they will prefer happiness over making good but they're not independent they're not on the same spectrum unhappy or happy does not mean broke it's not it doesn't mean you have to make less to be happy that is true you don't you don't have to do that you can just find a different way to do the thing that makes you happy that the
Starting point is 00:05:31 society will pay you for yeah i'm not saying money makes you happy but a hundred thousand is a lot easier to work with than 30 absolutely i agree with you trust me i'm talking about this on my show i know i know it just, but it can run. Coleman runs into this all the time. I'm going to, I want to have work that has meaning and great. So get some work that has meaning. Help a whole bunch of people and get paid a lot. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:05:54 You know, I have work that has meaning. I'm doing pretty good. Sure. You know, and we're helping a lot of people. So it's, you know, you don't have to be broke to be happy that or work for a non-profit which by the way is not a biblical construct that is an irs guideline every non-profit is profitable or they close they go broke it's an entry. It's not a holiness factor. There's no such thing.
Starting point is 00:06:29 You can't, you know, I'll guarantee you, man, the doctor that you go see and it brings healing to your life is as much a ministry as your preacher. Ooh, so good. I mean, it's just that work is worship when done with the right motives and when you're serving and helping people so uh this this idea that you have to work for some entity to be holy no it's the work you do and how you do it in the spirit you do it with and by the way if you help a whole bunch of people. As our friend says, they will give you certificates of appreciation with presidents' faces on them.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I love that. Rabbi Daniel Lappin in the book Thou Shall Prosper, one of our buddies, says that all the time. Yeah, so it's a great question. It's a great question. So what we want to do in your case, Josh, is attack the construct that you're dealing with, which made you call and say, I think i need to make less to be happy and should i do that on the debt snowball no you shouldn't you should go make more and be happy and then you don't even have to ask the question yeah i agree go to ken coleman.com download uh
Starting point is 00:07:36 some of his materials there's lots of stuff they're free it'll get you going he's got the seven stack steps the first one is to get clear. Yeah. The seven stages of working and finding the dream job. The first one is get clear, clarity. And you don't have that yet, Josh. Yeah. All you know is you don't like where you are. You don't know what you like. And I recommend, Josh, take some time.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Call into his show tomorrow. Yeah. He'll help you walk through the process real quickly on his show. So go to KenColemanShow.com. Look at the hours there within your city. Give us a call. He'll probably be more gentle than I was. Yeah. A lot more. That's why I didn't say too much. But Ken
Starting point is 00:08:09 would take real good care of you brother. Call him tomorrow. He'll even give you a copy of the book. Just tell him Dave and Anthony said you'll give us a copy. Oh, we can give him a copy. Yes. Why don't you think so? Thank you for being nice, Dave. You're the nice guy. You brought it up.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Golly. Proximity Principle, number one bestseller by Ken Coleman on helping you get a job and your thing you love. Kelly's going to give Josh one. Yes. Since I was mean to him. Thank you. This is The Ramsey Show. You've got a lot on your plate. A job, your home, your marriage, and your growing family.
Starting point is 00:08:59 While you're enjoying the present, you can't help but think about your future and your finances. As you explore your options, consider Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, for your health care. Their generous maternity program and budget-friendly monthly programs have been a blessing to members welcoming children into their families. Visit chministries.org slash budget to see if it's right for you. That's chministries.org slash budget. Anthony O'Neill Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Hey folks, have you ever made a dumb decision with zeros on the end because you didn't do your research? Yeah, me too. Most people make choices based on feelings or opinions, especially when buying a house.
Starting point is 00:10:01 But when it comes to this real estate market, feelings are not your friends. Facts are your friends. So check your facts. Find out what you can actually afford. Research what's trending in home prices. Talk to a reputable real estate agent in your area, someone who's done real estate a lot. When a market is white hot like this, a monkey can sell a house.
Starting point is 00:10:26 All you have to do is put a sign in the yard. People will line up. But that doesn't mean you sold it for the most you could get. Because you don't have any idea what the flip you're doing, you and your monkey. You don't really. You need to put a sign in the yard with a pro who sells 50, 60 houses a year and did last year and knows what they're doing. And they know how to handle this white-hot market, and you'll get the most possible dollars for your house.
Starting point is 00:10:49 It's not amateur hour out there right now, people, although there's a bunch of amateurs out there right now. Never buy a house without the facts. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash agent. Find an endorsed local provider in your area that will help you make smart decisions these are people we have vetted they have not only the heart of a teacher not only believe in the ramsey principles but they also sell a ton of houses they know what they're doing ramsey solutions.com slash agent reggie's in chattanooga
Starting point is 00:11:23 hey reggie what's up thank you for taking my call dave and hello to you your guest there got a question for you my daughter is 24 years old i would like to know what can i do financially to put money away from her and potentially grandkids should that happen, so that they will have a much easier time or be better off when she finally gets to my age or older, if the Lord allows. That's such a great question, Reggie. Well, where are you at financially right now? Oh, I'm following your steps. I have a ways to go.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I have some realignment that I need to do. Okay. So you still have some debt right now? No, I don't have any debt. Okay. House is paid for. Just bumped up the company 401 to the 15%. What else is there on that list?
Starting point is 00:12:27 Yeah, you got some money put away. Okay, so you're fully funded. Cool, great. I just wanted to make sure because I think I wanted to make sure that you are good because the first thing that you can do, I believe as a parent, is to make sure that you're in a healthy place
Starting point is 00:12:42 so when you do get older and you will need some help from your children, you're not putting them in an uncomfortable place financially and have given them extra financial responsibility so that's the first way to give your child a head start is to make sure that you are good you and your spouse if you're married are good financially on number two dave you're you're living this season out right now you know preparing to pass down some wealth and legacy to your kids. What is one key thing that we all can do to really set our young people up successfully financially down the road? If they can't make it on their own, they're not going to make it when you leave them money.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Well, that is true. But if you train them up the correct way, it's not going to be an issue. She's she's she's out of college. She way, it's not going to be an issue. She's out of college. She has a master's. She has a bachelor's. It's just a matter of opportunity. So that's not an issue. So she knows how to work.
Starting point is 00:13:38 She knows how to give. She knows how to save. She knows how to spend. And if she can handle her life and her money well, and she won't need you because she's doing a great job with her life and with her money, she won't need wealth from you. That's when she's best prepared to actually receive wealth from you. I understand that, but I would like to have something there other than what I'm putting away for myself and my wife. Why? That's enough.
Starting point is 00:14:07 In other words. Go be a millionaire. How old are you? I am 50. If the Lord allows and I make it to the end of this month, I'll be 54 years old. Okay, cool. Well, the average millionaire in our study, it took them 17 years. So when you're 70, you should be a millionaire.
Starting point is 00:14:26 What do you make? About right now, about 36. Your wife work? She does. What's she make? She's right around the same. Okay. She got a $75,000, $70,000 household income.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Cool. Great. No debt. Work our baby steps, man. And in 15 years you're going to be in a really good position to leave her maybe not a million dollars maybe three quarters of a million um that you're living on and then when you pass uh you can pass it to her assuming she has the character to handle it but if you pass money to somebody that doesn't
Starting point is 00:15:00 have the character to handle it it's not a blessing it's a curse yeah yeah so you taking care of you anthony said it right out right out of the gate you taking care of you and not being a burden is step one you taking care of you and becoming wealthy and then leaving that whatever however you want to define wealthy i don't care if it's 200 000 or 2 million i mean anywhere in there is going to be good with me. And you leave that to her, and it supplements her life because she already has her act together. That's when you've done your job, man. But there's no magic thing you can buy that just drops a bomb of money on her and makes everything okay.
Starting point is 00:15:43 There's no such thing. Yeah. And I like how you said that, Dave. There's no magic thing. It's just discipline. It's following the baby steps. And when you hear Dave say, go out there and you become a millionaire,
Starting point is 00:15:55 what Dave is saying on top of that, it's like, hey, when you build wealth, you're building wealth not just for you, but you better leave that to your kids. And they'll be able to maybe invest that and leave that to their kids. But you can't go out here, build a little bit for you and your wife and then also build wealth for them. It's not your responsibility to build wealth for your kids. It's your responsibility for you and your wife to build wealth, live and enjoy your life.
Starting point is 00:16:18 And then once you pass, you can pass that down to whomever you choose. It asks the main thing that I think we have to really focus on ourselves. And here's the thing. These things all go together because when you get a big pile of money, regardless of where you get it from, all it does is magnify your life. All your weaknesses are going to be exposed in spades. They're going to be everywhere. All your strengths are going to become superpowers. Your good parts are going to get bigger and your bad parts are going to be everywhere. All your strengths are going to become superpowers. Your good parts are going to get bigger, and your bad parts are going to get bigger.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Money magnifies. That's why when somebody is a doofus and they win the lottery, they become a doofus on steroids. Yes. And that's what you see out there. And this is the problem. Your life is not fixed by more money. Your life is not fixed by more money your life is magnified by more money and so reggie that's true for your daughter that's my point so if she takes this wonderful job she's done getting this education getting her master's degree all the stuff that
Starting point is 00:17:18 make you so proud i mean you can hear his chest sticking out when he's bragging on his baby there that's awesome and then she throws her shoulders back and leans in goes and has a big time career starts making some money controlling her life not it gets out of debt or is that or stays out of debt build some emergency funds builds her long time investing her long-term investing uh that's setting her up her living her life properly is the best indicator that whatever you leave her is going to be a blessing and not a curse and i actually prefer that dave than actually getting a million dollars i will prefer to see my daughter my son with the wisdom and knowledge and making uh good decisions with their money being good stewards of their money then for them to be horrible with
Starting point is 00:18:00 their money and then i leave them with my money that i worked hard here's the interesting thing is when you're leaving that money it's going to go away. Absolutely. If they can't handle it. Right. And if they have those skills, they'll go get their own million dollars. And then when you add to it, now we're fixing the next generation. Come on, Dave.
Starting point is 00:18:15 I like that. So it really doesn't kind of land in the middle. If you leave a dude for some million dollars, they're going to lose it. You know? Man, Dave, you just said something. Can we repeat that again? You said dad gets a million, she gets a million. When dad passes, that million goes on top.
Starting point is 00:18:31 That's two million. Pass it down to the kids. That's three million. That's legacy, Dave. Yeah, this is changing your family tree. Look at them young people out there smiling. He holding her real tight. Like, baby, let's do this.
Starting point is 00:18:44 That's how it works. This is how it works right here. I love it. I like that one. This is the Ramsey personality is my co-host today open phones at 888-825-5225 Chris and Jess are in Rochester New York it says on my screen you guys are debt free congratulations thank you Dave thank you well How much did you pay off? $107,500. In 20 months.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Excellent. How long, I mean, and what was your range of income during that time? We started at about $140,000 and finished about $150,000. Cool. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a mechanical engineer. I'm a project manager. I'm a project manager. Very good.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Excellent careers. Great. And $108,000 of what kind of debt? Well, it was mostly made up of student loans because this was my second career. But then we had a couple of cars, some stuff like a furniture, mattress, things like that, and then just a little bit of credit cards. So you guys were fairly normal yep no we were very normal it was super uncomfortable yeah normal sucks so uh how long y'all been married six years this august six years wow so about two years ago something. What lit the fuse on this?
Starting point is 00:20:49 Yeah, so a little over two years ago, I lost a job. And it put me in a real bad place, and I didn't know where to go. And I remember conversations with Jeff about, hey, how are we going to pay for the house? Like, you know, maybe we're going to have to sell it. And then I found a great place to work, and I met someone there at work who said, hey, you should listen to Dave Ramsey. And I said, sure. And he gave me your podcast to listen to.
Starting point is 00:21:18 I listened to it while on a work trip, and I came back home and I said, hey, honey, I think we have a good plan for us to not fight about money anymore. Whoa. So money fights had been there, huh? It was, it was strange. I was a financial person. He just didn't really understand everything that I was doing. I was, I was kind of one of those like credit card points people. You know, I was really into my, my, my points and my, my airline miles and things that you talk about. Um, and after he came home and told me about you and showed me the podcast, I was like, yeah, 100%, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:21:51 You know, I'm very excited to be out of debt. And if you're on the same page as me, like, I'll do anything. You know, let's follow this. Wow. So it is interesting that his job loss resulted, of course, in getting a better job, but also resulted in scaring the pants off of you. Yes, it did. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:09 I mean, your heart was ready in a special way. You know, the pandemic did that for a lot of people. It scared the crud out of them. And they're like, okay, never again. They had their never again moment in 2020. You know, I don't want to be here when the big bad wolf comes and blows unless i'm in the brick house you know and so i got to get my act together and that's what y'all did i'm so proud of you way to go thank you so much thank you it feels you feel um strong don't you it's an incredible feeling that the financial piece that that you talk about
Starting point is 00:22:43 all the time it's it's it's so much weight off of your shoulders that, you know, right now we're going through a hard time personally, but the one thing that we don't have to worry about right now is our finances. They're so strong that, you know, it's just like carry on with the rest of the stuff. The other curve balls that you get in life, you know, you can handle them now that we're on the same team and we've got such a good strong footing financially. You can, you know, you can handle them now that we're on the same team and we've got such a good, strong footing financially. You can, you know, look my son in the eye and say, Hey, you know, I know, I know you're going to be okay. Like, I know, I know you're going to be okay. And I think that's, um, that's a big reason why, why we did this. Yeah. So Jess, I'm curious, what would you
Starting point is 00:23:18 say over the last 20 months was the hardest thing for you all to do to pay off $107,000 in debt? I think we had a really rough time in the beginning about budgeting that, you know, we had to understand, you know, what gazelle intense was for us and what that meant and what a need versus a want was. And I think it was hard for us to just say like, hey, these are the things that are definitely wants and really identify those and come up with a budget for each one of our budget items and sit down and agree upon it. And that really strengthened our relationship and really set us up to be able to accomplish this goal.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Oh, man. I love it. I love it. So who was hardcore and who was a little lighter? So we're both nerds, I think. It's probably the fair comment here. So we're both looking at the spreadsheet and we're like, well, do we really need to do this? Like, can we wait? We both had moments where we wanted to spend a little extra money doing something and the other one would give the look and say, hey, I don't think we can do that.
Starting point is 00:24:26 I'm still going to say it was me. I'm still going to say I was a little bit more hardcore. Jess, I was about to agree with you. Jess, it sounds like Jess was the hard one. She was already the points queen, so we just converted her to being the head gazelle. That's cool. You guys are both incredible.
Starting point is 00:24:44 I'm so proud of both of you. Very, very well done. So cool. So you mentioned that you guys have struggles, and was it your son? So we'll be honest. We're expecting another, and it's a little complicated. And so it's okay. Everything's going to be fine,
Starting point is 00:25:02 but it's just going to be harder than we thought it was going to be. Yeah. And that kind of motivated us even further to get out of debt faster. And so we made some extra gazelle decisions based on, like, that circumstance. But we have a great support system. We're almost done with our baby steps three. Yeah. And so we're ready. You know, we're ready to. You know,s 3, and so we're ready. You know, we're ready to get through this.
Starting point is 00:25:27 You know, and here's another reason you're ready, is that for the first time in six years or at another level, not maybe for the first time in six years, but at another level you have fought the dragon together. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And this is yet one more dragon to fight, the challenge that you've got in front of you.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And when you can lock arms and beat the money dragon, you can lock arms and beat the next one. That's the plan. It's a tough road ahead. Resiliency is, you know, it's a really big deal. Yeah, I'm sure it is. And financial resiliency really leads to everything else in your life. Yeah. But the teamwork that you developed on the money thing was just a warm-up for the next thing, right?
Starting point is 00:26:08 That's it. Yeah. We can interlock arms and know that whatever challenges are going to come our way, we know that we can overcome them. Amen. We just got to focus and knock it out. Amen. Yep. Amen.
Starting point is 00:26:17 I'm proud of you guys. You're heroes. This is beautiful. Thank you. Very well done. Sorry for what you're facing, but I think you're up to it. We got it. We got it. We got it.
Starting point is 00:26:25 It's going to be good. Yeah, you're going to be fine. It's going to be all right. All right. Very cool. All right. Last thing. What advice do you give to someone who just lost their job, but then they got another
Starting point is 00:26:35 job, and they got their pants scared off, and they said, I need to do something. What's the key to getting out of debt? To me, it's listen to the wake-up call. There's a reason you got it answer the call listen listen to the call and say what do i need to do differently today to make sure that this is not going to happen to me again and not going to knock me down on my knees again what can i do to look at this in the eye i know i got this touchdown that was that was probably one of the best ones i've heard in a while that's good yeah jess what about you um just more realistically is hey you know follow the budget have meetings
Starting point is 00:27:14 get on the same page understand your needs versus your wants and take it one step at a time and just keep going i'm sorry that's exactly perfect excellent did y'all get all the information just from the podcast or you I'm sorry to interrupt. That's exactly perfect. Excellent. Did you all get all the information just from the podcast? Or you picked up the book? Or you went to Financial Peace University? Or what? Yeah, so all of those.
Starting point is 00:27:34 We did purchase Total Money Makeover. We read through it. Got real excited about it. Went to an FPU class. Coordinated an FPU class. Oh, wow. And we're a hook, line, and sinker, and the whole works. Well, thank you.
Starting point is 00:27:48 It's really a great plan, and we're glad to share that with everybody we know, I think. Yeah, we want to shout out to our parents and our friends who inspire us, and we inspire them, and so everything's been super positive with it. Well done. Well, thanks for coordinating the class. We got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you because that's for sure what you're doing. You're building and leading your legacy. We're also going to send you another copy of the Total Money Makeover for you to pay it forward
Starting point is 00:28:14 and give it to somebody who's right at the beginning of where you were just 24 months ago. Chris and Jess in Rochester, New York, $108,000 paid off in 20 months, making $140,000 to $150,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one, we're debt-free! Yeah! Yeah! That's how it's done.
Starting point is 00:28:44 That's how it's done. That's how it's done. This is The Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Pam's in Charleston, South Carolina. Hey, Pam, what's up? Good afternoon. I'm calling with a question regarding my home equity loan, and I hope I don't get too emotional on you.
Starting point is 00:29:42 My husband passed away a day before last year. Very sudden. And from the day he was diagnosed with cancer to death was five and a half weeks. Wow. How old was he? Not sick at all. 62. Oh, my goodness. How long were you all married?
Starting point is 00:30:02 We were six weeks tired, 40 years. 40 years. About like Sharon and me. Oh, my gosh, girl. I'm so sorry. Yes. Thank you. We were both employed at the same corporation.
Starting point is 00:30:14 I received survivor benefits. The only debt I have is a $40,000 home equity loan. We own our house outright. We own our cars outright. We own our cars outright. No credit card debt. No other debt at all other than the equity loans. It's at 2.25% interest. My question is, should I invest the survivor's benefit towards...
Starting point is 00:30:43 How much was it? I've got to write about 170 000 okay did you guys have any other nest egg not yet no okay and you're 62 so did you have a pension plan with that company yes i actually just retired last Monday. I went ahead. I could not handle going into work anymore because we drove in together every day. We ate lunch together every day. And it was just too difficult. So what does your retirement income look like? I'm going to be receiving my first pensions will start at the end of this month,
Starting point is 00:31:26 and I will be getting about $5,000 in annuity. I've not declared Social Security income yet. I will start that in another year or so. But your income, not counting Social Security, is going to be $5,000 a month? Correct. And what did you used to make when you were working? I made $72,000. He made about $75,000.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Okay. So you're going from $150,000 household income to a $60,000 household income plus Social Security. Correct. Can you budget and live on that? Correct. You can. correct can you budget and live on that correct you can i think you can but can do you think you can oh i'm sure i can we had already actually started because um i had been talking about wanting to retire in a year or two. So starting back in January, we actually started living as if we were only making one income and we were handling it. I probably have about, outside of the survivor's benefit, I probably have about $30,000 in
Starting point is 00:32:41 the bank. Okay. How many cars do you have? Two. I'm going to be selling Okay. How many cars do you have? Two. I'm going to be selling one. How old will it bring? It's a 2013, so just a Ford Focus. I mean, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:33:00 What do you think it is? Is it $5,000? Probably $5,000, yes. Okay. All yes. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Here's a couple of things.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Your heart's broken. Mine with you. Something happened to Sharon. I would be just like you. I wouldn't be able to breathe real good. And you're still trying to catch your breath, don't make big, scary decisions when you're having trouble breathing in the fog of grief. Okay?
Starting point is 00:33:35 Okay. Give yourself some space to just cry. You don't have to be a professional investor. You certainly don't need to listen to anybody on some investment thing of any kind right now. You don't need to buy anything big to try to make you feel better. Grief spending is a real thing. And yes, I would pay off the home equity loan that's not a big decision that's not a big problem so you're going to have 150 000 or 170 minus 40 i have 130 left to put into
Starting point is 00:34:15 investments later make sure you have an emergency fund you already have that that's 30 000 it's going to have 35 000 with car so you're. You're fine. You're in good shape. But there's nothing you have to prove. But you do have to live on that income, not touch it, not touch the nest egg that's left beyond paying off this mortgage. Right. That'll make it easier to live on the income because you don't have the mortgage anymore, the HELOC anymore. And you do have to promise that I'm not going to go spend a hundred thousand dollars
Starting point is 00:34:45 on something or some neighbor or kid or nephew shows up and needs 50 grand you're not the source okay understood you just pretend like you don't have any money and and give yourself six months to cry. Put that money in a CD. Don't do anything with it. Whatever's left after you pay off the home equity loan, get yourself on a budget, and no grief spending and no big-time sophisticated investing. Just take your time.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Give yourself some room. Just like you couldn't drive to work, just like you couldn't show up and not eat lunch there, just like all that, this stuff's going to still hit you for a little while. I mean, you were married 40 years. You're hurting. And that makes you human.
Starting point is 00:35:31 It makes you a good wife. Pam, here's another thing I would add on top of what Dave is saying. Just giving you all the practical information that I love. So awesome job on that, Dave. Next thing I would just say, why are you taking this time? Make sure you have a good community around you. You know, a good community of family, good community of church.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Just give me a good community that can encourage you, give you wise counsel, and just walk through this next season of your life. Because you're going to be feeling like this for at least the rest of this year. And I think that good friends who can hold you and help you make the wise decisions and
Starting point is 00:36:08 remind you that, hey, this could be an emotional decision. Let's back up. Let's go do something else productive before you make this decision, because community is important. Yeah, that's true. Also, we're going to sign you up for Ramsey Plus for a year and let you go through Financial Peace University. There's good community there.
Starting point is 00:36:27 It'll give you something to lay your hand to now that you're retired. And you can jump in there and start learning about that. It'll give you something to put your mind on so it doesn't just cycle on all this. And, you know, and it'll give you a sense of confidence about the decisions you make with money going forward because you'll be more knowledgeable. So we're going to pay for all that. It's our gift to you. We're Christians, and the Bible's real clear. We're to take care of widows.
Starting point is 00:36:52 And we love you. We're sorry you've gone through this. And we'll do anything we can to help you. You call us back any time. We're here to help. help so um some of the worst decisions i've seen financially made by people anthony over the years is um within six months of loss of a long-term spouse or of a child um somebody will do some serious, dumb spending. And, you know, the interesting thing was I've seen it happen even with my personal friends over the years, and they're people that otherwise were real level-headed but stuck in this waves of fog of grief,
Starting point is 00:37:43 or whatever you want to use, waves of grief coming at you, crashing on you. I mean, you're just going along okay, and then all of a sudden you start crying. Yeah. You know, everything's fine, and then I see some bush out in the yard that reminds me you start crying. And that is not a time to be making big decisions. Because then you compound, you look up two years later, and you've got two things to grieve. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:09 The loss and then the bad decisions. Yeah. And so just slow down as much as you can, make as few decisions as possible, and that's what we were outlining for Pam. And, I mean, she's going through a real thing there. That's so tough. Very. But we're here for you, kiddo.
Starting point is 00:38:29 You call us anytime. We'll walk with you and answer your questions. And you're now plugged into Ramsey Plus. You've got coaches available, community available, classes available. The Every Dollar Budget app there is there to help you and get you going. And all of that. All of that will get you going. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.

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