The Ramsey Show - App - How Can You Guys Afford To Eat? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Dave Ramsey & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss:  "My ex-husband refuses to pay child support", "How do I talk to my daughters about money", "Should we sell our truck to pay off debt?" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Here's an EveryDollar deal just for our listeners: get a 14-day free trial PLUS $15 off your first year of premium. Click the link below and start budgeting today! www.everydollar.com/jade Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods of Moving and Storage Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Open phones this hour. Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Lynn in Greensboro, North Carolina starts this hour.

Hi, Lynn. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? Okay, so I recently got a divorce, and I went with a lump sum settle out because he was going to refuse alimony and the divorce was going to be far off because still COVID behind. So I chose to take a lump sum to take care of my children right now. We have joint custody until my son graduates, my oldest,

and he'll graduate this coming school year. And I'll have full custody of my youngest. With this lump sum, even though the court cases says that he has to pay 50% because we have joint custody of all activities, school supplies, all of that. He just chose not to. So of this lump sum, my question is, is how much of it should I set aside to take care of the part he's supposed to take care of? So I am not behind. You said this school year? Yeah, this school year.

Like, he'll graduate next May. I mean, one year from now. And then after that, any obligations he would have would end. For that child. I still have one more child. Oh, he's supposed to pay 50% of the other one, too. Right, right. For both kids,'s supposed to pay 50% of the other one, too. Right, right. For both kids, he has to pay 50% of them, but he's refusing.

So I wanted to pay... I'm sorry. He does not have the option to refuse. I know, I know. But to go back to court, it's thousands of dollars, and then it'll be after he's gone anyways. It's one year, and... No, it's not one year.

How old's the youngest? 14. Yeah, you need to get that money. Oh, I know. I mean, I did get a lump sum. Yeah, but you said he should be paying 50% of the other kids' charges as well. How much is the lump sum? Lump sum is sum is 150 are you

earning an income and what is it um i earned 36 000 if i were you i would hold him accountable for that 50 that he's supposed to pay because you could use all the money that you can get. You know what I'm saying? Right, right. Okay. You didn't get $1,500,000. You got $150,000. You got $150,000. I know, it's not a lot.

But I was going to pay a huge chunk because I would like to get the house paid off before my youngest graduates. So my plan was to put a chunk of it towards that, but I wanted to make sure I had enough money to cover. How are you and the two kids going to eat on 30K in Greensboro, North Carolina? You doing that okay? Yes, yes. Okay, so I bought a house and my mother passed away,

so I got a settlement from there. And that paid for most of my house, or a portion of my house, 40% of it. So I was going to try and get it paid down. The settlement is monthly? No, the settlement was a lump sum. Oh, so that put a big chunk down on the house. Okay, one more time. So you currently have a house payment of how much

my house payment's a thousand dollars and you make thirty thousand and so your take-home pay is two thousand so your house payment's fifty percent of your take-home pay and you have two kids how are you planning to eat that budget does not work right um Right. Right. So I also get child support. Not a lot. It's like $400 a month. So that's like our food money. And like even with my budget. So we want to get you to the point where you're not scraping by like this. 33% of my paycheck. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So my other thought was is to like, we have rotation, uh, like I have them three days. He has them three days. It's getting a part-time job that when I don't have the kids that I work those three days. I love that. I love that because again, it's only $150,000. This is not your big windfall of life. I mean, it's great that you have this money,

but the bigger thing is your monthly income. You know, I love the idea of being able to put this chunk of money towards wherever you're at in the baby steps. But at the end of the day, you also want to make sure your monthly income is all right as well, right? Is the home the only debt you have? Yes. Okay, great.

That's excellent. What do you owe on it? I owe $143,000. so you could pay it off today uh it wouldn't leave me with any kind of emergency fund i got that you'd leave you seven thousand leave you seven thousand dollars i did the math yeah okay so um right right so yeah and then that shows us right there, the fact that that just made you, your stomach jump up in your throat tells us you can't make it on what you make right now. And you can't make it on what you make right now.

That's what you're telling me. Well, it makes me nervous, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's not a whole lot. You should. Yeah. I think you're going to burn through this 150 is what I'm trying to keep you from doing

supplementing your life yeah because your income's not high enough to feed your kids and you with a thousand dollar house payment that's what's scaring me here and throwing a little bit at the house doesn't solve it because the house payment's still sitting there looking at you so i'd love to be able to work the baby steps too but i think we've got to get your house in order for you to work the baby steps too, but I think we've got to get your house. In order for you to work the baby steps, your household monthly income has to be enough to support you and the two kids. And that may include him paying the 50% that he needs to be on notice that your attorney is going to regularly be dragging his butt into court if he's not regularly paying what he's supposed to pay that's called fatherhood i'm getting to do with him being pissed at you that's fatherhood so

that's him being that's him doing what that's why the law is there it's not there to give you uh uh retribution it's there for the kids and so um oh my gosh so here's what you need lynn what we would like for you to do for your sake is to get your monthly income be larger than your monthly needs then we can talk about what to do with the 150 and then we can worry about whether you need to fund the other 50% of expenses that he's not willing to do without, and you're tired of fighting with this goober. And the key is not piddling away this 150. I'd love for you to put this somewhere under lock and key for a minute

and get yourself, you know, whatever you said, a full-time job or a part-time job on the other days, whatever you've got to do to get your income. Yeah, a different full- the other days whatever you've got to do to get your income yeah a different full-time job whatever you've got to do to get your income up because if you are not careful this will nickel and dime its way to nothing yeah so basically federal the federal poverty level single lady with two kids with a thirty thousand dollar household income is very close to what we call poverty and a thousand dollar house payment ensures that you're there so that's what we're worried about for you hang on i'm going

to send you a copy of total money makeover and help you work through this i'm scared for you you've got to get your income balanced with your expenses before you start making these other decisions this is the Ramsey Show. Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. I'm your host, Dave Ramsey. Thank you for being with us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Doug is in Anaheim, California.

Hi, Doug. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. How can we help? I'd like to give you a little background. And then my specific question is about my two daughters and them inheriting my wife and I's estate. Okay.

I'm a trustee or successor trustee for a young lady who's 37 years old, and at age 40 she's going to get her inheritance, which is going to be, well, right now it's $2.4 million. And my concern was, is she prepared to be a millionaire at 40, not, you know, when she inherits this? You know, this is from her father it means it meant a lot to him and how I could, how I could go about assuring that she could honor that legacy. So I started listening to your show about six months ago and I kept thinking, well, there's got to be something here. So I called your solutions place and office and talked to a gentleman named Irwin. I believe he's a financial specialist. And he came up with a plan that I thought I really liked. And that would be, she's going to be, uh, get on the

financial peace university. And in addition to that, I'm going to have a financial coach with her for a period of time to kind of walk her through this so she can, uh, establish how to control money and not, not look at, you know, every, every little thing is, Oh, I can afford this type of deal. So that was the approach I'm going to take with her. Um, I, I think you would agree with that. Yes. Excellent. Okay. Now, when it comes to my daughters, um, they're, they're, they're, they're very people, and I don't stick my nose in their finances. One of them seems to be a pretty good saver, and the other one, I don't know. The wild card is they both have husbands, and I'm not sure, you know.

How old are your daughters, Doug? One of them is 38, and the other one is 36. And what did you do for a living, or do you do for a living? Well, I did. I retired in 2018. I had a small manufacturing business. I made wheels for cars, rims. But your background was

engineering no my background was in high school oh okay and then i just kind of figured it out from there okay i did a couple of things and well i'm listening the reason i'm asking is in listening to you talk you um you sound like a very process rule following uh type of a person well to a point yeah i i believe you need a a process yeah i'm talking to more of an engineer than to an artist yeah i'm not an artist that's what that's wrong my way that well i mean in terms of the way your brain works that's why i'm asking because that helps me to answer the question properly. I'm trying to make sure I didn't miss something. Okay.

Okay. So with the first girl, let's go to her. Let's go ahead and go with all of the advice. But I want to throw in one other ingredient, and that's relational advice. So the money that you're managing was your friend, and this is his daughter. Did I get that right yeah he was my business partner ah okay all right so i would have a cup of coffee with her to start the process of financial peace and coaching and um talk about how much you loved her dad and how responsible you feel that you want to you're you're scared to not

help her the right way and you really want to honor him by helping her the right way because he loved her so much and you loved him you loved business partner, your buddy that you did this whole deal with, this big manufacturing thing y'all made great money at, both of you. And, you know, you really liked each other. And you want to – you consider her like a daughter. And to honor his memory as his friend, you are really super concerned that you do this right. And I'm a little bit scared about it because i don't want to mess

it up because of my love for him and how much i know he loved you and so this is the best i can do this is how i think you would do it and i if he were here i think it's what he would tell you to do and i think you need to kind of put that love piece in there with all of the tactical steps that you were given and i think that's also a good way to approach your daughters then as well and and so the way we told our kids is this we believe and we're sure we're right that the that money doesn't make you well money doesn't make you good money doesn't make you bad and money doesn't make you sick it exposes where you're sick weak and where you're strong and good money magnifies you and so if you have a daughter that is um doing drugs and you give her money you will kill her she'll do so much drugs she'll be in a ditch

if you have a daughter who's overspending and out of control, and because you don't feel like you're worthy to interfere in her business, you give her $2 million, you're going to screw up her life. So I've told our kids, if you're misbehaving in any area of your life, including money, you will get nothing, because I love you too much to magnify your stupidity. Okay. So that's the kind of conversation I'm going to have is there's a whole bunch of money

on the table and I'm not trying to buy your love and I'm not trying to buy anything. I'm trying to keep from hurting you because I love you. And if you have weaknesses that are greater than your strengths, the money will not be a blessing. It will be a curse. And I love you too much to curse you as your dad. And so I will not leave this to you because I don't want to hurt you. Okay.

As far as that first conversation, I had that with my business partner's daughter. And it was very similar to what you had said. Oh, good. Because I do care for her. She is one of my other daughters. And I care deeply about her. I've known her for 25 years and so on and so forth. How'd she receive it?

Very, very well. Good. She's going to enroll in one of the classes that the financial coach that we're going to use is going to be teaching. Cool. Because she thought that the person that came to her was not preaching at her, but instead cared deeply for her. Yeah. And that's what we do with your daughters, too. The trick is with grown kids, if there's such a thing i don't

know what grown kids is kind of an oxymoron but with your children who are grown um your offspring that are grown is to not use your dad voice anymore yeah yeah it's very hard too i have to practice it regularly i i struggle with it because i'm freaking dave ramsey you ought to listen to me i mean come on you know but no it doesn't work that way doesn't work that way i have to the only option i have with anything with all of my children are grown in their 30s is to is persuasion and that persuasion starts in love okay well i thought i would have a similar conversation with my daughters and offer them the same opportunity that I'm offering my partner's daughter. Yep.

And their response to that dictates how involved they're going to be in the inheritance. Exactly, and how involved I will be in their financial life. True that, true that. Yeah, you're not trying to be a control freak. You're trying to keep from harming them. That's right and the the one twist that i had done a little differently with my i'm not filthy rich but my estate's worth about 14 million dollars that's pretty rich and my wife's enough to screw up somebody's life well yeah my mortgage we intend to give away about 35%, 40% of that to, I'll call it, worthy causes. And then the balance we'll decide with our kids.

If everything went perfect, we would leave them a lump sum. The thing I was thinking about, though, if it didn't go so well, I might leave them a monthly stipend from the trust. And then when they pass away, that will go ahead and go to worthy causes as well you can do that there's nothing wrong i mean the trick is don't leave them enough to ruin their life if they are messed up because money doesn't make you well it exposes where you're strong and it exposes where you're weak. And just like it's done for you. It's exposed that you're a good man.

The fact that you got 14 million and you're having these loving, kind, wise conversations, it's exposed that in you. And, you know, it does that. And you can't keep it from doing that. This is The Ramsey Show. Jade Warshaw, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Audrey's with us in Plymouth, New Hampshire. Hi, Audrey, how are you? I'm doing great. It's such an honor to speak with you both. You too. So my question is, are we in a place to be intentional or intense?

And this is kind of coming to a deeper question of if we should go through the hassle of selling our truck. Let's hear more. All right. So I've had a ton of life changes in the past four years, which is when I met my now husband. We got married two years ago. We moved from Delaware to New Hampshire. In that process, we've been on one income between changing jobs for the past year. OK. And we have a daughter who there's been some complications with establishing custody from with her father. Okay.

How much is the truck worth? It is worth about, well, $28,000. I think we could sell it for sure. Private sale $22,000. What do you owe on it? Here's the kicker. It's $10,000 that we owe to my in-laws. It was my father-in-law's truck.

And so it's worth $28,000. You owe $10,000. What's your other car worth? Our other car is paid off. And what's it worth? It's probably worth $22,000. $22,000. Okay.

And so what's your household income now so yeah so currently our income has been about 50k and is it getting ready to change yeah it's going to go to like uh 115 when does that happen um i'm a school teacher so in august okay Okay, so your income is $115,000 and you owe $60,000 on vehicles, okay? So a general rule of thumb that's good to think about is cars go down in value very rapidly. As a matter of fact, they're the largest thing we buy that goes down in value, all of us, okay? And so we lose more money on cars than just about anything else we do. And so if you want to become wealthy, you need to try to avoid losing money as much as possible. So we tell folks not to have vehicles, things with motors, wheels, anything that falls under the vehicle heading added up altogether because they all go down in value to be more than half your annual income yours is right at half your annual income it's on the bubble so if you want to accelerate the

process of getting out of debt and building wealth yeah you would move down in car but is it necessary for you to survive no you probably sweat your way through it if you love the vehicle. Is there any way, the second car that's paid off, is there any way you can sell it? You said it's worth $22,000. Could you give $10,000 to your parents for car one and then buy another vehicle for $10,000? Well, you could go the other way, too. You could sell this one and buy a car with the difference because they only owe $10,000 on it. That's true. $18,000.

The argument that I get from my husband is that my car that's paid off, he bought brand new. And, you know, now it's super reliable. I don't give a crap. That's his train. He bought it new. You know what it is now? Used. Is this the only debt or is there more debt besides this?

There's more debt. So our student loans are about to kick in and I never had student loan payments before. So that's where I'm feeling the pressure. How much is your student loan debt? 37 between the two of us. And then that's it. Is there anything else? Not counting the house.

Like a thousand on a credit card. But yeah. Okay. Again, you can fight your way through $10,000 and $37,000 is $47,000 worth of debt, making $115,000. And keep the car. Okay? You can fight your way through that. If you want to accelerate that by $10, thousand dollars you could sell the car and buy an eighteen thousand dollar or less car for cash and then only have the student loans to attack

but the big thing here is you two have got to get on the same page about what's important and where you want to be and how fast you want to get there i think you could pay off thirty seven thousand dollars worth of debt if you live on beans and rice and don't go on vacation and quit eating out and tighten up your lifestyle because you want to keep this car and you want to clear the student loan debt. You could probably pay that off in two years and be 100% debt free and keep the car. But you're going to have to sacrifice for a little longer because you kept the car. And then you need to recognize, as part of that is, that we're right on the bubble, that regardless of when we bought the car, whether the car was new, whether it was used, whether I lived in New Hampshire, whether I lived in Delaware, it doesn't keep, it doesn't flipping matter.

What matters is you got a lot of money tied up going in thing, going backward, going down in value. That's what matters. And you got to stop that for going forward if you want to win with money in other words the the pattern the vote the the conversation pattern you're using with your husband leads you to call me back three years from now and say we just bought a sixty thousand dollar truck right my husband wanted a new one right and. And we ain't doing that. That's stupid.

Is he fully on board with this? No, he's not. Right. We're not on the same page. We plan to have a conversation when he gets home from work and really tighten up our budget and make a decision. And it seems like this car is kind of a pivotal point on which attack we take with our budget. The car, the one that you owe $10,000 on,

did you say that's to his parents? Yes. Is that why you want to get rid of the money? Yes, that's absolutely right. Yeah, and that's why you're willing to sell a car to do it, and he's not necessarily ready to do that. Right. Okay, yeah. So that adds to the equation as well. So because the borrower is slave to the lender and when you have Thanksgiving dinner, it tastes different when you eat with your master, especially when it's the in-laws. Yeah.

That's all I'm saying. Turkey tastes like turkey. Yeah. Bad. Yeah. You do have to have that conversation. Here's the thing. I think there's a lot of stuff you got to talk about here.

A, we need to get on the same page. That's paramount. B, we need to agree that we're not going to continue to invest in things that go down in value going forward, regardless of which decision we make with this car. Okay. C, it makes me uncomfortable that we owe your parents and it weirds me out and it's awkward as crud. D, okay, D, we can fight through this together, but if we do that, there's going to be required, both of us,

a deep sacrifice in lifestyle because we have $47,000 in consumer debt standing between us and the ability to build wealth. So there's really four things going on here that you all need to address, the first of which are most important is that you two are together and unified at the end of the conversation because no one wins with money dragging their spouse along right and so i don't care if you keep the truck financially i don't care if you keep it relationally with your in-laws you'll get through it it's only going to be two years max and it'll probably be one of the first things you pay off anyway.

So it's okay. I think it was a truck. Wasn't it a truck? Yeah. Okay. But for your sake, five years from today, I really care that you're on the same page and you're not. You're talking circles around each other about a bunch of symptoms rather than the problems. True that. not you're talking circles around each other about a bunch of symptoms rather than the problems true that although i will say dave i would weigh i weigh more into that that in-law situation i'd

be trying to get out of hightail it out of that lickety split i would i get if i were you if i were in your shoes if i could get unified i would sell it me too but if i if i have to keep it and work through to get agreement on everything else. That's true. I'll deal with it. Yeah. But there's a lot of reasons to get rid of this car. Mm-hmm. A lot of reasons.

And, you know, the in-law pressures, the awkwardness of that. The car is right on the bubble. It's a lot of vehicle. You guys don't have that kind of income. You're not making 300 grand. You're making 115. Yeah. And so, you know, there's a lot of reasons're making 115 yeah and so you know that that's

there's a lot of reason to do this but you know that's the list of priorities first get on the same page second agree we're not going to invest period that's that's a non-negotiable in things that go down in value cars yep that are more than half our annual income going forward we're not regardless of the rationalization because people can rationalize their butts off on a car more than anything else. C, he needs to acknowledge that this is awkward for you to owe his parents money. He needs to acknowledge that. He needs to feel that from you in your marriage.

That's really good. And then D, are we willing to sacrifice to keep it and get the student loan and this paid off? That's right. And then make the decision and be all in, both of you. Break the huddle. Go. This is The Ramsey Show. Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today jade it bears repeating um because it was something that having

i'm just babbling uh all right so i grew up in this financial world in the academic side and in the professional financial side and the problem with us financial goobs, nerds, is that we thought, I thought, and most of them think, that you solve your money problems with math. Yeah, math is part of it. We always say around here, personal finance is 80's 20 head knowledge the mathematics of becoming a multi-millionaire you learn by the sixth grade right there is no calculus involved no trigonometry involved the pythagorean theorem is not involved thank god okay there's no geometry involved there is is, it is multiplication, addition, division. That's it. You know, some subtraction occasionally.

But yeah, I mean, that's the mathematics of wealth building. So it really isn't math. If we were doing math, you wouldn't ever go take out a credit card and run up 18 or 20 percent debt because that's just freaking mathematical insanity that's right no no sane human would do that and say i did that for mathematical reasons that's complete bs so this is not a math problem it's a behavior problem and that was really hard for me in the early days of doing what i do today 30 years ago because i'm always trying i'm a math guy i'm always trying to fix it with the math right but it's not a math problem and the part that goes with that is even harder

is you're not by yourself you got all these other dadgum humans in the equation that's called relationships that you actually have to talk into doing crap yeah that's smart that's your kids your grown kids your grandkids and most of all your spouse as we studied over 10 000 millionaires over 85 percent of them said their spouse was a contributing factor the unity in their relationship was a contributing factor in their ability to build wealth meaning that over 85 percent of millionaires work together with their spouse are unified in their approach to life and money that's right so if you think you're going to drag some princess into wealth, or princess, you think you're going to drag some guy who won't work or doesn't want to participate,

I'll work hard, I'm going to get me a truck. No, you're just a redneck. That's all you are. I know you. I am you. I get it. I got a truck in the parking lot with loud dadgum mufflers. I know who you are i know you i am you i get it i got a truck in the parking lot with loud dadgum mufflers i get i know who you are okay i get who you are but that but you don't work

hard enough to be stupid i'll work hard i deserve you don't deserve spit shut up you know you gotta learn to work together with your spouse and we hear this over and over and over again and i don't know if we spend enough time on this show talking about it's freaking vital that you're on the same page yep it's vital accountability that's part of the reason one of the one of the benefits of marriage is accountability and holding each other accountable and make each other better and if you're not willing to uh get on the same page with one of your most important um parts of your marriage which is your finances this is an opportunity for you to exercise that muscle but a lot of people won't do it because it takes work it'll change your marriage in a positive way when you learn how to handle money because where you

spend your money jesus said your treasure is where your heart is where you spend your money says what's important to you. That's right. Thank God it's Friday. I'm going to hit the bars. We know what's important to you. I'm going to save for the future. We know what's important to you.

I'm going to save for my kids. We know what's important to you. I'm going to save so much. I'm going to change my family tree, my kids, and my great grandkids. Now we know what's important to you. I want a car. Now we know what's important to you. I want some shoes.

What's those shoes Rachel's got with the red bottom? Oh, Christian Louboutin. No, those are Jimmy. Jimmy Choo. Yeah. Those dadgum shoes are expensive. You better be freaking Rachel Cruz if you're going to buy those shoes. She can wear them.

She can afford it. She can get as many as she wants. If you're going to buy those shoes, by God, you need to have some coin. I know that's right. All right. And that's just, you know, that's a deal. But if you are a woman and you come home with those shoes and you're making $60,000 a month or a year.

And your kid's college funded and funded. Hello. I almost threw the pin. I almost threw the pin, Dave. Don't throw the pin. I won't throw it at you. If Jade throws the pin, it's over. That is a glaring indicator that you become what's known as an

irresponsible human being you cleaned that up i did i've had to clean it up a couple of times dave that was fun i can't say everything i want to say but you know you know what i'm saying you know irresponsible human being yeah seriously if you can't and i i gotta you, I've been married 41 years. Sharon and I just got back from an anniversary trip. We were living like no one else. We've been gone for three weeks, all right? For you.

And you know what we did on that trip? Anything we wanted. You know why? Because most of our lives, we didn't do everything we wanted. If you live like no one else, later you can live and give like no one else. You've had to pay a freaking price to win no one wins accidentally and part of the price is sometimes my wife is right i don't like that but it's also true who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies the heart of her husband safely trusts her get this part he will have no lack of gain when i'm in when i'm when my wife

who's a full-time mom for 40 38 years uh has an opinion about something maybe dave ramsey needs to listen to that because maybe if i don't, it's going to cost me in excess of 10 grand every time I go against one of her feelings. That doesn't mean she's always right, but it means I need to respect that. And we've got to be, if we're not in agreement on major purchases or major giving, and our giving sometimes is more difficult these days to decide on than purchases. Yeah. Because if we're going to give a chunk to

something and really help some movement or some thing over here, and we're not in agreement, we don't both have a good feeling about the group that we're dealing with, that ministry that we're dealing with, then we don't go forward. And that's good. That's so good, Dave, because when you're not on the same page or when the guy just thinks I'm going to do what I want or the woman thinks I'm going to do what I want, there's a lack of respect there at the core. And that's why sometimes when we get calls and it's like, you know, I'm trying to do this thing, but you know, my spouse is doing another thing. I'm always like, this is not a money problem at the core. This is you. He doesn't respect you or you don't respect him. And that is a bigger

problem because at the end of the day, you need to be able to have these conversations and feel like He doesn't respect you where you don't respect him. And that is a bigger problem. Because at the end of the day, you need to be able to have these conversations and feel like that person's listening to you. Feel like they're respecting what you're saying. Feel like they care enough about what you're saying to enact some sort of change, whether it's something that you're compromising on or them fully coming over to your side or vice versa. But when that's not there, y'all got troubles. And it's not money trouble. That's right. And it's going to come up again and again and again,

and you're going to struggle with your money. That's right. Because opposites do attract. That nerd will attract that free spirit. That person who loves to save will attract that person who loves to spend. I'm a spender. Sharon's a natural saver. I'm a nerd.

I like to do the budgets the projects she couldn't care less about the details yeah this trip we were on i've got to have everything ironed out i got to know exactly where we're going to win i don't making it up as you go is not relaxing for dave you got the itinerary but she completely she's yeah but she she knew the itinerary but she would just be asking me what we're doing next because she doesn't want to do that. So opposites attract. Larry Burkett used to say it's a good thing because if two people just alike

get married, one of you is unnecessary. So you need each other. You need the strengths of the other one, and you need to be unified off of those strengths. But if you're making all your decisions with half your brain because one of you is not voting or one of you's vote doesn't count in the relationship then you are not going to win relationally and you're not going to win with your money it is there's not an exception this is a universal rule i'm independent good don't get married you're gonna be a useless spouse that is so true i'm'm independent. Kiss my, no way. Yeah.

No way. Please don't screw up somebody else's life with your independence. I know that's right. When you get married, you're by God dependent for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Choose wisely. Who's making the chicken soup when you got the flu, Miss Independent, Mr. Independent? Your butt be up in the bed looking for some food. That's what's happening.

Come on. That's not independent. That's dependent. This is The Ramsey Show. Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. It's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes. Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.