The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Control My Impulse Spending? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Middle Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, Ramsey personality, and hosting along with me is John Deloney, and we are very excited to be back with you and ready to take your questions.

So here's the deal. If you've been out there thinking of a money question, or maybe you're dealing with a relationship situation, or some emotions or feelings, and you thought, you know what? Today's the day I'm going to get some guidance and some help. This is your day. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call us at 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We are very excited to talk to you.

All right, John, I know you are excited. You have launched something special here recently. That's right. We are on week two of the new Dr. John Deloney show, and it is a live calls. We take calls from people all over the country. People are writing in from all over the world. And we are talking about relationships and mental health challenges, real life.

Anything you can imagine is coming up on this show. And it's been a hoot already, man. Has it been? I mean, has it been just more than you thought it would be? Well, I've been overwhelmed with the response. We shot out of the gate number one, which just blows your mind. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Number one in what? In the health and and wellness health and fitness category congratulations it was real exciting and um and again it's all it's just so unexpected but i'm learning quickly

that people are tired of feeling beat down they're tired of being tired they're tired of relationships not clicking right they're tired of feeling tired. They're tired of relationships not clicking right. They're tired of feeling like they're the crappiest parent on the block and they're just looking for some support and some guidance on how to take the next crooked wobbly step through this crazy thing we call life. That is fantastic. Well listen, find

John's show. You can find him on social media at John Deloney. He's on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram but you can also email in on the show, askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com. Or you can call in and leave a voicemail with your question. 844-693-3291. Let me say that again. It's 844-693-3291. So congratulations on being number one. I know you're pumped.

James and Kelly have been helping you on the show. And Zach, man, they are just crushing it. And that's fantastic, man. Congrats. All right, listen, everybody. If you've got a question, call in. I've got him here right now. We can talk about questions about life.

We can talk about just stuff with money. And we're excited to hear from you. So we're going to start off here with Mario. Mario, how can we help you? Hey, I had a retirement question. I can, if I was to take my 401K down to the minimum for the next year, I could pay off my house, and I was wondering, is it worth doing that or waiting the 18 to 20 months and then have to pay off my house then? Okay.

All right. That's a great question. So, Mario, tell me this. How much do you owe on the home? Well, I owe like $97,000 on it. Okay. I have cash saved up, and I was just going to put what I make with it to pay it off. Gotcha. How much cash do you have saved up?

73,000. What are you doing? How did you get 73,000 saved up? I'm just saving money, cutting grass, going to work. Really? Mario, I'm high-fiving you. You're here in Nashville from down the street. That a boy, Mario. Way to go. So what's your household income, my friend?

$60,000. Okay. So you've been saving. You got $73,000 saved up. Is some of that your emergency fund, of course? Yes. Okay. Alright. And so how much do you have invested for retirement right now? $25,000. Okay.

How old are you, young man? 30. Okay. Here's the deal. I love the – your ability to save is fantastic. You've got a boatload of money sitting here. I'm going to tell you a couple of things. I would look at this, to answer

your question directly, no. I would not pause the 401k just to pay off the house sooner. I think with where you are, you're making money. You've got some money. Do you owe on anything outside of this home? I don't. That's fantastic. Crushing it, Mario.

You are crushing it. I would definitely continue to invest because we need to grow this money. And we got to get this money that you got sitting on the sideline, Mario. We got to get it in the game. Okay? And just sitting in the savings account, this money is not working. It's got flip-flops and it's in a hammock right now. I'm telling you, this money is just relaxing.

And what we need to do is get us some work gloves and work boots. And so here's what I want you to do. I like, obviously, you're going to keep probably 20 grand of this as an emergency fund. Let's leave that in the money market account, which means you've got $53,000 that needs to be doing something for you. Now, you're already investing. And so here's the mindset around that. Could you take that 53 and throw that at the house? Yes, you could. You could absolutely throw that extra 53, keep paying

your mortgage, keep investing your 15%. Okay. You've got an emergency fund. Now you're putting that extra toward the house. Now, instead of 0 and 50 or 97 on the house, now you're looking at 44,000. That feels like an apple you can eat and that is something that's a home you're paying off my friend and i guarantee you 18 months so buddy that's the route to go now john we got to talk about this because people right now are saving they're sitting on a lot of money because this is the pandemic mindset okay tell me about that and what i'm telling people is is that a three to six months of expenses is enough three months if you and your spouse have a stable income and a stable job then

a three-month emergency fund is fine if you're self-employed or you're a commission-based person you want to lean more toward the six-month emergency fund just understanding that hey you could have some hills and valleys right what i told people is that if your job was cut or your hours were cut you needed to go into conserve mode which means you want to save up as much as possible right but if your job is steady you've had no change then you need to keep working the baby steps as normal and a lot of people are still trying to hold on to savings instead of attacking debt because of the pandemic. So that is – I'm going to serve as those people because that's my heart and mind, which is when things get out of my control, I want to withdraw.

I want to make sure all my chickens are in the house. Right. And I want to hold my cash and make sure everything is good. And so what you're telling me is when I get that six months, the emergency fund. And again, I just started a new show. I don't know. No day is going to fire me, right? So we could have some hills and valleys here, right?

So I'm going to hold this thing. After that, I'm not making sense. I'm not being wise with my money. Yeah. What you're doing is, I think it's one of those where it's this panic mentality. But remember, you've got the emergency fund. And so that's what I'm wanting people to remember. You've got that in place.

So if life did happen, you have some money. The main thing is I don't want people to get in the mindset of allowing it because of something that might happen. We can't live in might. We've got to live in will. Got to get in the game. And that will is the desire to push forward. So listen, if you're out there, you get plugged into Ramsey Plus.

It's going to help you walk through the process. It's going to help you track stuff. You're going to know where you are better than ever. And you're also going to make some progress. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. Folks, I love telling you about well-made, well-thought-out products. Today, I'm talking about Grip6 belts. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable.

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Grip 6 is determined to help build and modernize American manufacturing. To learn more and get this month's Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIP6.com. That's GRIP6.com. Welcome back to the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me is Dr. John Deloney. I want to let you know that The Chris Hogan Show is available for you. You can check it out on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, as well as SiriusXM. We take calls, and we dive in and talk about life and money and get real.

One of my favorite segments on the show that we do is called Do You Know? And Did You Know? And we try to give some new information. And we also have another segment called Panicked or Pumped where we talk to people that may be dealing panicked, feeling panicked about a certain money situation or maybe feeling pumped up about something and we celebrate with them. And so we'd love to invite you to come over to listen uh you can check it out go to my website chrishogan360.com we have some fun on that show hey chris let me let me hop in here what are a couple of excuses people are putting out there getting in the way of their financial progress

because i may or may not be an excuse maker yes i may or may not be a little bit of a financial tightwad during the pandemic so what are some excuses getting out a couple things we'll hear actually what we do is we have this segment called leave your excuses at the door love it and this is where people have written on a sticky note the excuse that they had for not taking it getting ahead financially and some of the things you hear are lack of knowledge where people say i just didn't know how stuff worked Or people will get serious and say laziness. I mean, they'll call themselves out. I love it.

Or fear, fear of change, right? Or eating out too much, or whatever. And I love that people are honest and real about it. And we just talk about it, right? Because what you gain has to be bigger than what you give up in order to make progress. So we have a lot of fun. I love it, man. All right, you all, listen.

John and I are here and ready to take your questions. We want you to call us, 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We got Joe on the line calling from Bethesda, Maryland. Joe, how are you? I'm all right, sir. How are you? I'm focused and not finished, my friend. What's on your mind?

So I don't know if you have heard, but recently the president has signed an executive order that said that federal employees will be deferred from payroll taxes if their paychecks are below $4,000 per paycheck. Yes, sir. I did hear about that. So I'm a federal employee. I'm actually a police officer with the United States Capitol Police. And every once in a while, my paycheck will dip below the $4,000 mark. So I was just wondering if you guys have any advice on what to do about the fact that Social

Security and Medicare taxes won't be taken out of my check if my payments, if my paychecks get below that amount. No, Joe, you're absolutely right, buddy. How long have you been serving as a police officer? So I'm at probably, I don't know, five years and a couple months. Very cool. Very cool. That's awesome, brother.

If I could just say real quick, one of my buddies, Tom, who is no longer with Capitol Police, he's the one who introduced me to you guys, and I could not be more thankful to him for that. That's fantastic, buddy. Well, I appreciate you calling in. You're absolutely right. That executive order was signed in, and it's not optional. Like, you can't opt out. It is something where that 6.2% is going to be no longer withheld from your check.

So what do you do? Well, I would say go back and look at other pay stubs. Look at the exact dollar amount that was kind of withheld on average, and you begin to withhold that yourself. Just put it over in your emergency fund or put it over in savings, each paycheck. Because if they come back and then they start asking for that or that's something that's added in a tax bill, then you've already got money set aside and you can take care of it. If they don't, and again, it'll take Congress to vote on this for it to be forgiven. Okay.

And so you can't make an assumption right now. So Joe, what I would do is, again, look at that old pay stub, set aside that dollar amount, each paycheck, just discipline yourself to do this until we get clarity on it. And I think clarity will come probably in November post-election. I think there will be a lot more clarity on that. But this is, again, this is, you know, it's one of those things where, John, it's meant to try to help people. The problem is, is you don't know, is this a loan or is this forgiven? The bill will come due, my man.

It really will. It's going to come due, man. And so just like I tell people who are self-employed, go ahead and set that money aside for the income tax. And that way, 25% is what I tell people. If they're self-employed, set that aside every paycheck. That way then once you do your taxes, whether it's quarterly or annually, you've got money set aside. You can handle it. And you said the D word that I want Joe and everyone to hear.

Discipline. Yes. It's's gonna be so hard man you're gonna get that check and it's gonna have an extra x number 70 or 30 whatever it is and you're gonna think man i can finally breathe i can take her out to dinner i can finally get those shoes put it in a drawer move it aside move it aside you got you got the bills gonna come due You don't want the headache. Man. And so, again, Joe, I appreciate you calling in. A lot of people are having this question right now. It is not forgiven.

It is just something that is right now essentially being deferred. And that's the word to call it, is deferred, which means it can come back. So just put that money aside and hang tight. Thank you, buddy, for that call. Great question. Yeah. All right. We're going to get aside and hang tight. Thank you, buddy, for that call. Great question. Yeah. All right. We're going to get over here to Burke.

He's calling us from Hawaii. Burke, how are you? Hi. Good, Chris. How are you? Oh, I'm focused and not finished. I've got John here with me. How can we help you?

So I have a question for both of you. Uh-oh. Get him first. I've known the baby steps for a while, right? And I'm a baby step to her husband. At the beginning of last month, I kind of fell off the wagon, if you will. And I financed

a car when I may or may not still owe money on my original car. And I reached out to the groups and everything on Facebook, and so I put it up for sale as advice. But now my question for you, kind of from the horse's mouth, so to speak, is because the bank who approved the loan is not any of the primary banks

I've ever dealt with before. Do I get a loan for the difference from that bank, and then whoever pays me however they want to pay me for this car, because I'm going to take a loss on it either way, do I just pay them all at once, or do I get a loan from my primary bank and then pay the financial institution who gave me the auto loan along with whoever gives me the check. How do I do that specifically? And I have a question for Dr. Deere. Well, I think the big thing is you would definitely find out what it's worth, look it up on Kelley Blue Book.

You would try to sell it for as much as possible. And then that gap between what you owe on it and what you're able to sell it for, I would look at a credit union or a bank to get a short-term loan to pay that off. And by short-term, I'm talking about an 18- to 24-month-type situation. Okay. Okay. Burke, I'm curious. You said you already had a car, and you said you may or may not owe money on it.

Don't you lie to me. You owe money on that car, don't you? Yeah, I owe like $4,200. All right, and how much are you paying on that thing? And it would have been paid off if I wasn't stupid and got this dang machine. How did this other car come into the picture? So that's kind of the question for Dr. D. Well, hold on.

Don't you leave me yet. Yeah, you already called him a horse, Bert. You already called him a horse. Okay, real quick. Tell me how this other car came into the place, then I'll let you talk to him. That's a loaded question. It's a lot of things. But, yeah, I was renting a car because I just moved to Hawaii,

and my car was being held hostage by the VPC and I was tired of paying $1,800 a month on a rental that wasn't going to get reimbursed anyway and then I had a falling out with my son's father and so I justified it because today's later was my birthday and so why not right and now I'm in the hole a crap ton of money and a stupid card that i don't need burke you got mad when got another card yes yeah basically yeah listen to me you hold on listen you don't retail therapy with a car you just wait on you wait on this line yeah hang on here burke we're gonna go to break and then we'll be back You get some shoes

A shirt Flip flops Not a car Alright you all stay tuned we're going to break We're coming back we're going to talk to Burke About this impulse car buy Gotta get to the bottom of this thing This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Before we went to break, we were having a spirited conversation with Burke. Burke was letting us know that, well, she has a couple cars now. And had one she was already paying on, then she got a little feisty and a little upset and went out and impuss-bought another car. Burke, is this correct? It pretty much sums that up, Chris. All right. car. Burke, is this correct? He pretty much sums that up, Chris. Alright. And so we talked about A, how to sell the car, get a smaller bridge loan

to try to get out from under that. But she had another question. She was going to remove me from the equation now and was going over to going over here to John Deloney to ask him a question. So I'm stepping out of the way. Burke, he's all yours. Sorry, Chris. I'm sorry sorry all your worries go ahead oh thank you um dr d so my question because i i had i just emailed you that um took me off the email train and whatnot my question for you was, how do I prevent myself from doing this again?

You're cutting out on me. You're cutting out on me, Bert. Oh, sorry. I don't think I've cut myself or kept myself ever from buying basically anything again. So, I want to back up from some of the all or nothing thinking there from ever buying anything again tell me what happened this particular time you bought a car you mentioned something your buddy's dad got mad at you kind of put me in in a paint me a picture of what was going on when you decided you know what forget this screw everything and want to buy me a new car another car so I mean we were talking and everything was good and then he just stopped talking and then ignored me

and kind of sorry downhill from there and yeah later I found myself at a dealership and justified it for my birthday because you know know, he missed my birthday too.

And I say missed with air quotes around that word. Right. So do you make other impulsive decisions? I have found myself to impact, yeah. So you've used a couple of times just in this last few sentences, you found yourself like these things are happening upon you. So I immediately want you to challenge you to change your language. And I want you to change your language around things that, quote unquote, just happen to you, that you just find yourself in these situations to when I feel scared, when I feel lonely or left out, when I feel disconnected and people are forgetting about me, I go do this behavior.

I choose this behavior or this behavior becomes an irrational focus of my brain to help alleviate some of that pain that I'm feeling because I'm disconnected. And I want you to, it begins with taking ownership of it, number one. Number two, if you wait to the moment when you feel lonely, left out, frustrated, disconnected, angry, etc., that impulse in your head is going to override your rational part of your brain, right? And there's a whole brain chemistry behind this with dopamine and pleasure, reward, the whole thing. None of that matters right now. What you've got to do is move all the way upstream as far as you can get and put some blocks in front of you until you can slowly regain control of your behaviors. And it starts with getting people

in your life that are going to hold you accountable. That starts with getting somebody in your life that you can talk through, whether that's a counselor or a pastor or a friend that you can be vulnerable with. And you can say, I've got this set of behaviors, this set of default behaviors. And listen, some people drink, some people withdraw. That's my thing. I just hide. Some people get real loud and puff their chest out and yell. Some people shop, everybody, some people eat, eat some people everybody's got their things right these default settings these these behaviors that we run to when we get alone scared afraid etc and so i want you to know you're not by yourself and you're not alone you did it yours is more expensive than mine right withdrawing is a lot cheaper than a brand new car right and so you're gonna have to pay a higher penalty,

a higher, Dave calls it a stupid tax, right? You made a dumb decision. You know that, we know that. I want you to go upstream from yourself. And that may be as drastic as putting a block on your credit that you've got to have somebody with you. That might be giving your debit card to somebody. I've done that, by the way. I gave my debit card to somebody i've done that by the way i gave my debit

card to my wife for a season and just carried around cash until i could learn to control my behavior at a store because i would be like oh i need this and this and well since i got those two things i'm gonna need a new saw of course and i might as well get eight years of blades for this right and i've done that too i literally gave my debit card to my wife because i had to learn my impulse control. I'm not ashamed of it. It was what it was. Now I've learned it. Now I carry it around and I'm fine and good and dandy. But it goes back to learning a set of behaviors as far upstream as you can get and committing to asking yourself, when you feel that impulse, when you feel that

I need to go buy a thing, stop and ask ask yourself what is my brain trying to protect me from am i feeling lonely am i feeling rejected am i feeling bummed out and then have somebody in your life you can reach out to that you can be vulnerable with no that's a really good tip i actually got an article at my website where i talk about kind of the type of spender you are you know are you a happy spender are you a sad spender are you a bored spender uh are you a worried spender you know we and so starting to look at these things and understanding those triggers are really really important and then having that structure to follow and you can you can you can take spender out and put drinker drinker eater eater uh all the things lonelier

yes warrior you really caner? We all have these behaviors, right? We really do. And that's a good call-out, to be able to put some things in place. You know you better than anyone else, Bert. So you can put yourself in a position to succeed, or you can put yourself in a position to continue to kind of stay the same.

And the definition of insanity, as we've all known, is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It doesn't happen that way. So we've got to start to think differently. I like that. And she's got to change her language again from I just found myself in a car. Nope.

You got lonely. You called that out. You got freaked out. And you got in a taxi cab or in a rented car and you drove yourself there. Well, and she got frustrated that someone missed her birthday. No one was celebrating her. So she decided I'll show you. That's right. Treat myself. That's exactly right. And we've got to be careful there because what that ends up doing is adding headache and heartache. So Burke, again, hopefully that will help you as you walk through the situation to unwind the car. That's going to take some work. It's going to take some legwork on your part, trying to get clarity on exactly what you owe

and the difference in the gap of this bridge loan and trying to take care of that thing and get that thing out of your life. It's really important. Okay, listen. Let me tell you real quick. If you're like most of America, you've been driving less this year and probably not by choice. Many of you followed the stay-at-home orders early this year, and many of you are still working from home right now.

Fewer cards on the road. There means there's less risk for your insurance company, which means you might be able to pay a lower premium this month. Some car companies have already started giving credits for about 15% of your premium. Now, obviously, if you're confident you're paying the lowest for your coverage, go ahead and take the credit. But if you're not confident, don't settle for a skimpy $70 savings. You may be able to save way more by shopping rates.

To see if you can save more, connect with an endorsed local provider or ELP. It's something you can do from your couch, people. It's free to have agents shop rates for you. Most people work with an ELP. Most people who do work with an ELP save around $700. After a coronavirus, listen, every penny counts. Never again should you put your insurance on autopilot or overpay. You should have someone shop for you, saving you time and money.

Go to DaveRamsey.com slash ELP and click on insurance to get started right now. That's DaveRamsey.com slash ELP and click on insurance to get started right now that's DaveRamsey.com slash ELP it's really important and you know being able to save money in any way you can is always a positive instead of playing video games make it a game to go through all of your automatic drafts and make sure you got the best deal on your cable and on your phone and on your insurance. Or don't just pick on the gamers or binge watching Marvelous Maisel or whatever else is out there on TV. I don't even know what you're talking about. I know it. I've seen it. It's pretty good.

It's pretty good. But listen, take steps. Let's save ourselves money, put ourselves on the path. Be smart. Every dime we save is a dime that we can use toward what matters. Stay tuned, people. We'll be right back. This is The Dave Ramsey Show.

Today's scripture comes from 1 Samuel 16, 7. But the Lord said to Samuel, do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as a man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord Samuel 16, 7. And today's quote, That's a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. That's really cool. All right, listen, we have had a blast talking to you,

and we are still here ready to take your questions. And so we're going to go to Michigan. I like going up to Michigan, especially not in the wintertime. We got Tanya on the line. Tanya, how are you? I'm doing great. I'm hoping you can give me some good advice today. Oh, all right. John and I are ready, Tanya. Hit us with it. What's your question? Well, what my question is is my husband and I want to buy a second vacation home, but we can't quite agree on how to do this. We're at the point where we are hoping to only work for about, hopefully, another nine years and then retire. I would like to, just to make the, we will have a short mortgage, we're going to have to, but to make

the payments a little bit easier and a little more comfortable, I thought it would be a good idea to maybe drop our retirement contributions down to like 5%. We're currently doing 15%. And that way we could, you know know really throw money at this second home and have everything paid for by the time we retire okay gotcha so let's let's slow down here a minute let me tell me this what uh what baby step are you all on right now um currently our primary home is paid for we have no. But we do have a younger child who is in college, which we are still cash flowing. Okay. And because we kind of did the steps out of order, we are paying off our other child's student loan.

Okay. So, I mean, it's technically not ours, but we are paying those. And how much are you all looking to spend on this second home? I would like to stay around $400. Oh. But we might need to go up a little bit more. Where is this home going to be? It's up on a lake up in northern Michigan.

Okay. How far is that from where you all live now? Two hours. Two hours. Is this like in Traverse City? No, but close. About an hour from Traverse City, yeah. Okay.

Okay. And so what's your household income um currently right now our base income is a little over 200 my husband has a really nice job where typically he gets about a $70,000 bonus every year but I don't like to plan on that because I don't blame you um so you look at this. How much do you all have saved in retirement right now? I think we're just a little shy of about a million right now. Okay. I think we're right around 850.

Okay. And so, okay, how often are you guys going to use this home? Well, once we retire, I think we'd be up there a lot. But, you know, while we're still working, my husband has the luxury of working from home. Right. So he can be up there all the time. I have a job where I do have a lot of vacation time. So I would say we do that probably maybe four or five months out of the year.

Okay. How many times do you all go to the lake now? We usually go, we usually rent our house up on the lake probably because we're still working about only three times a year now. So three times a year for about a week? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to tell you something. I would want you guys to really get serious about is this a buy option or is this an extended rental option?

And I say that because, Tanya, people will tell me, well, once we retire, we're going to do X, Y, and Z. And I go, well, okay, let's make a list of that and really look at it. Yeah, the moment you buy this house, your kid's going to move to Kentucky and have four grandkids. I would want to see you practice, Tonya. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Practice being there four months next year. Yeah. Rent a house and say say and it may cost you

25 000 bucks to to stay there i don't know what the rental fees i just made that number up but practice being there four months and you may find this is terrible yeah or you may find nope this is it in fact let's tell our other house move up here for good right or you might say you know what this is nice but i don't think we want to be here for four months we might want to go up there for a month and maybe want to go to the beach for a month. And so I like that practice. Just suck it up for a year, rent, practice, and that'll let you know I'm in.

And at least rent it for four to five months. You know, you guys are everyday millionaires, so the aspect of saving it up, you know, I would be really intentional with it because even if you're cash flow in college, your home is paid for. You guys should be able to save this up in a few years if you're really serious about it, especially if your husband has a $70,000 bonus. So I would say find out if you're really serious about this or not and talk about it. And I like that.

I like the idea of practicing. Let's rent that thing for three to four months. Get serious. Look at that check you're about to stroke for that rental, and then you'll find out, boy, oh, boy, this was more than we thought. $400,000 for another house that we might use a couple of months. That's two hours away from where you live. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know, Tonya. I think I would be very careful uh and very intentional all right let's see here i'm gonna go to uh shemin uh is on the line did i say your name right it's shemin you said it pretty close okay shemin beautiful name how can john and i help you today okay so i just found dave ramsey through my church right before Corona hit. So we did like the FPU online and I've been listening to most of the shows and really trying. Okay. Um, but I have a problem saying no to my kids, like with Corona and then being home and miserable for the whole summer. And I was like, we, I got a pool liner done instead of paying off debt.

I've been doing dumb stuff. How old are the kids? So I have an 18 year old that just graduated so he has to stay home this year. No I'm sorry. I'm sorry Shemaine. I said how old are the kids? Not the adult living in your house. They got a beard and his voice is probably deeper than mine.

The kids. How old are the kids? I have a 16 year old-old and a 12-year-old. Okay, dokey. Shemaine, do me a favor. I want you to repeat after me. Will you do your promise? I promise. Okay, watch this.

No. No. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, America, you just got the Chris Hogan prescription for new kids, new marriage, everything. Listen, Shemaine. Listen, I know young people right now, and John, I want you to chime in. Young people right now are having it tough. But it's got to be one of those things where you've got to make sure you're not preventing your growth by providing them with fun.

And the world is going to tell us no the world is going to tell them no and so i want you to draw some boundaries there young lady okay shamine can i tell you something i did my own house i'm just going to be vulnerable with you here okay since it's just me and you right um yes my i've got a 10 year old and a four year old and it's gotten to a point where this has worn them down um particularly my 10 year old and a four year old. And it's gotten to a point where this has worn them down. Particularly my 10 year old who knew life before this. And it's been a struggle. And just about a week, week and a half ago, maybe two weeks ago, I made a commitment to make a behavioral change in my heart. And I talked to him about it. And the change I made was I'm going to stop trying to provide him with happiness. I'm going to stop trying to provide him with happiness.

I'm going to stop trying to provide him with magical experiences to quote unquote make up for this imaginary world that I think he was owed and should have had and et cetera. And instead of that, I dedicated myself to getting off Netflix even more than I already am. My hiding mechanism is reading books

because I'm a dork, I'm a nerd. And yesterday morning before work at 6.45 in the morning, we went outside and played catch. Just two dudes with a baseball glove and balls and played catch. And the day before that, I was upstairs and I played baby dolls

with my daughter. I still don't really know what happened in that experience. I'm trying to to it didn't follow a linear story but we i plugged in and here's the thing that you can't buy that that's not a yes and no thing that is me saying i'm going to invest in my kids with the most precious thing on planet earth i have which is my time and my attention and my attention. Right. So if you take your 18 year old bigger than pools, bigger than movies, bigger than whatever on Amazon, give your kids your attention, give your kids your full presence and you

will change their hearts and mind and their anxiety will slowly start to reduce. That's so good, man. And I tell you, spending time like that, you start to make those memories. That's the stuff they don't forget. Listen, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to tune in and thank all the callers for calling in. I want to thank Zach Bennett, our producer, Associate Bennett Kelly Daniel. And I want to thank my co-host

Dr. John Deloney for hanging out. It's been fun as always and we cannot wait to come back and hang out with you. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of the Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruz,

Chris Hogan, or the rest of the Ramsey Network anywhere with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. Catch all of our full shows, browse by topic Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. Catch all of our full shows, browse by topic, or send clips to your friends. Head to the App Store and download the Ramsey Network app today.