The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Get Over My Spending Anxiety? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your money, and your mental health. My name is Anthony O'Neill, host of the popular YouTube show and coming soon to podcasts everywhere, The Table with Anthony O'Neill, Dr. John Deloney, number one, actually not number one, but a national bestselling author, soon to be number one national bestselling author and host of the popular YouTube and podcast show, The Dr. John Deloney Show. We are Ramsey Personalities right here on the Dave Ramsey Show.

Open phones at 888-825-52 phones at 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. How are you doing, man? I'm doing good, man. It's a beautiful day, beautiful season, beautiful weather, and I'm just enjoying where we are in life, you know? I love it, man. How are you?

I'm good. I'm good. You good? You feeling good? Yeah, I'm glad to be sitting here with you, man. Me too, man. We got a full hour of a great show with great people, and I just love where we are, man. Me too, man. We got a full hour of a great show with great people. And I just love where we are, man. How about we talk to Heather?

Because you're just looking at me right now. I'd rather talk to Heather than see you looking at me. Hey, Heather, how are you? How can we help? Hi, Anthony. Hi, Dr. D. How are you guys today? Man, we're doing better now since we're on the phone with you.

How can we help you? Okay. So my question has to do with whether or not it's okay in baby step one to have more than a thousand dollars in your emergency fund. Oh, okay. Give me an example of why you will want more than a thousand dollars in your baby step one. Okay. So currently my husband and I, we have a two-year-old daughter who you will probably hear. Um, we have a little over $8,000 in our emergency fund. Um, we live on a farm. Um, we have a few lives. Um, for example, if something happens to like one of our cows usually the vet bill is like a few hundred dollars and that's like if it's like something simple like they have to get something like their hook or something like that so a thousand dollars makes us like really

uncomfortable okay all right how much debt are you in right now? So we have $4,000 in like vehicle debt that we're planning on paying off in the next few months. Okay. And then we have, besides that, we have student debt. We have around $70,000 in student debt. $70K in student loans. All right. And what's your household income right now? Our household income is just over $70,000 a year. Okay. So we're just over $70K in household income. Okay.

And then let's say, for example, one of your livestock goes bad tomorrow. What's that bill? What's the max bill i mean i i don't know uh so like for example uh over the summer one of them did like get their they stepped in something in their hoof we had to like take them to the vet they had to go we had to go back multiple times to make sure that we weren't going to lose the animal because they got an infection from it. And what was that bill?

It was around $600 to $800, but then it happened with another one, like, not the exact same thing, but within a month it happened again and cost us another, like, $600 to $800. Cool. So it just makes us really uncomfortable to only have $ $600, $800. Cool. So it just makes us really uncomfortable to only have $1,000 saved back. Cool. I don't want you to have $8,000, Heather. Okay?

I'm fine with $2,000. And here's why I'm fine with that. Because it gives you a little bit more breathing room. So if something was to happen with, let's say, two of your animals, you have $2,000 there. Let's say something happened with one of your animals. You have $1,000 there. Let's say something happened with one of your animals. You have $1,000 for that. But let's say something happens, personal life. You have another five, 600 bucks there.

You all are making good income, okay? The baby step one, which I think is so important for people to understand is that it's not made for you to be comfortable. We want you to be a little uncomfortable in that position. Actually, we want you to be really uncomfortable so you can get through baby step two real quick if you have ten thousand fifteen thousand dollars sitting in baby step one then you're not going to move quick throughout baby step two because you know you're in a comfortable place in life and so that baby step one is designed

to put some some fire on you and your husband and so the most I am okay with is maybe an extra grand, but that's only because you're dealing with livestock and that's your livelihood. That's how you eat. So I am okay with that, but I'm not okay with eight grand. So I would take the six grand in the emergency fund. I'll take the four of that,

go pay off your cars today and you're debt free in your cars and just start, start going after your student loans. And with your income, man, y'all could be debt free if you do the same right within the next 18 to 24 months. And that's a good place to be in. Then now you get a fully funded emergency fund. And then on top of your fully funded emergency fund, when you get based at number three, I want you to add another emergency fund for your business, for the animals. So that way you're not touching your life emergency fund. You have another emergency fund for your lifestyle.

You understand what I'm saying? Yes, I understand what you're saying. Sounds good. Sounds good. Well, thank you so much for calling in. And tell that beautiful baby of yours, she sounds so great. Saying hi and waving. Tell her we said hello.

Oh, man. I love that. Jane is in Iowa. Jane, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hey, Anthony, Dr. D. I have a question I've been thinking about. Is there ever a time when a new car makes sense?

Makes sense to purchase? Well, I am an avid believer in everything you guys do. And, yes, I did it. My cousin took me, and we went out and got a new car. I was, like, flabbergasted that I did it, but I had my mother passed and she took me from church in the class. She stepped me over all the baby steps. And my husband passed 10 years ago, leaving $1 in $2 in his pocket. When I had one, I went and looked in his wallet there was two so I've been living in the slim you know and doing everything I needed to do and he always told me before he

passed your mom I had set you up I said why why would you say something like that my cousin said to me after my husband after mama passed this year they they said, you know, you've been, you've got it allocated to all the nieces and nephews. And you can't just leave that money sit there. You've got to do something. Your car's falling apart. You're always at the auto dealership. You just want to travel and do your art. You're disabled now.

Just do something for yourself. They took me out and I bought a car, a CHR. It's cute. It's in my garage. I can get down to my garage. I can drive it. I can go paint and I can come back. So, Jane, this isn't a – if you're calling Anthony and I to confess over the air, we accept your confession.

We don't hate you. We're not mad at you, okay? We're not frustrated with you. Do we think buying a new car is a good idea in your financial situation? No, but you did it. You did it with cash. Exhale. You got this car.

Did she do it with cash? Yeah, I think she did it with cash. Okay. Alright. She had some money left to her yeah well jane hold on let's let's talk to her when we come back yeah let's i shouldn't have brought you in that quick i want to talk to a little bit more hang on hang on we're gonna come back to you right after this break The very last thing Christmas should give you is stress. So our famous $10 sale is going digital for a limited time only you can instantly get our most popular audio books and ebooks all for just ten dollars or less get my number one best-selling audiobook the total

money makeover read by me if you're serious about getting your money in order for 2021 the total money makeover is a must-have plus it makes the gift. Or learn what it takes to build wealth with our Everyday Millionaires e-book. And as a bonus, for the first time, we're adding Debt-Free Degree and our latest audiobook, Redefining Anxiety, by Dr. John Deloney to our new digital $10 sale. It's not too late to invest in yourself or a friend this year. Skip the lines and shipping delays and shop our new digital $10 sale at our online store at DaveRamsey.com today. Or call the Ramsey Concierge Team at 888-22-PEACE. So before going to break, we had Jane from Des Moines, Iowa, give us a call.

And I wanted to hold her over because I wanted to really get just a little bit more information so I could really make sure I give her practical advice on what to do. And you gave her some practical stuff. But, Jane, you said that you received some cash, and from there you went and paid cash for a brand-new car. How much cash did you receive? I did not pay any cash. I used the investments. They come out monthly and pay my auto payment. Wait, wait, I'm confused.

Okay. So do you finance the car? Unfortunately, I paid, yeah. Okay. okay so do you finance the car unfortunately i paid yeah um as yeah how much is the car okay the amount of finance was 23 okay 23 six and how much money how much money do you have uh What's your, what do you have yearly? It's about, it's a little over $260 that's in there. And I keep doing the RIT and it says you're fine, you know, you're fine. But you don't have any income coming in? Uh-huh, $2,000 a month. And how much does your car and that including the five

so you have two thousand dollars plus uh no no including the five and then that four comes out to pay your car yeah i went to 21 20 21 hundred a month so when you called in, what was your exact question? What exactly are you asking us today? Well, I'm kind of scared here. I'm 60 years old. I've got, is there ever a time when a new car makes sense? Because my cousin says, you need it. You need the security. You need the ability to get around.

You need the, I mean, Toyota stands behind their people. You know, they're going to take care of you. You don't have to worry. You don't have to call your, you can't call your husband. He's passed. You can't call your family. They're not here. Jay, Toyota sticks behind their car, not you.

Yes. Remember that. They stick behind their car, not you. If you can't make the car, Toyota is not coming to pay the car. So is there ever a time to pay to buy a new car? The only time it is OK to purchase a new car is if your net worth is over a million dollars and you can afford to eat up that depreciation. Jane, you're in no position to eat up that depreciation. Jane, you're in no position to eat up that depreciation. So you made a poor choice on purchasing a new car.

So right now, if I'm in your shoes, you have two options. Figure out how to sell this car and get out of it and go buy you a quality used car. If you are so sold on a Toyota, go buy you a quality used car. You know, if you are so sold on a Toyota, go buy you a two, three year old car.

You know what I'm saying? And then from there, once you do that, you have a quality paid for car. But right now, Jane, you need to be focusing on your future. And I heard you say $260,000 in retirement is okay.

But your medical bills alone, they sell an average right now. When you retire your medical bills throughout your retirement is about. But your medical bills alone, they say on the average, right now when you retire, your medical bills throughout your retirement is about $300,000. So it's like you need to be making wise decisions right now with your money at your age.

And that's okay. You're here. You're not in a horrible position. You made a bad mistake. I can hear it in your voice. You know that. So I would sell that car, go buy you a used car. Then I would sit down and talk to a financial advisor, a smart investor pro, figure out how can we use this $260,000 wisely to help it grow, to help pay for your life moving forward. But, man, wow.

And, Anthony, Jane mentioned several times in several different ways. I hope everybody hears this. She's still heartbroken that her husband's not there. Yeah. She's heartbroken that her mom's not there. And she's got to grieve that. And she's got people speaking into her ears saying, if you do this, it'll be okay. If you do that, it'll be okay.

And that's not how you get past the death of loved ones. That's not how you overcome fires, you know, in your living room. That's just not how that works. And so she's got to grieve the losses. She's got to go find some people who will speak truth into her. Let her grieve, man. She's just got to sit down and grieve, not make big purchases. Yeah. All right. Heartbroken for you, man. She's just got to sit down and grieve, not make big purchases. Yeah.

All right. Heartbroken for you, Jane. Heartbroken for her. Jeff is in Pittsburgh. Jeff, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hey, guys. I'm so glad you took my call.

Thank you. Yeah. A couple of questions. I'm going to try to wrap it into one. I'm glad Dr. D is there because I think it's kind of a psych question just as much as a finance question. My wife and I have been married about 11 years, and we were kind of unknowingly doing the baby steps, kind of our own version of it, I suppose, because we kind of only discovered you guys recently. We did them in a little bit of a reverse order, and what I mean by that is we sort of like saved a six-month emergency fund before we started hammering down debt.

And that's part of my question is all we have left is our mortgage. We're done with everything else. We're done with student loans. Our cars are paid for. And we worked really hard at it. And so far, so good. I've always come at this from the standpoint, kind of with the wrong attitude, not from a standpoint of saving and investing wisely and all those things, but more of a

standpoint of anxiety. It's always been like, you never know what tomorrow will hold, so we shouldn't blow out that savings to pay off that debt because you never know what tomorrow will bring, that type of idea. So where I'm at now, you know, we're in a pretty decent position. All we have left is our mortgage. And I know that, you know, according to the methodology would be, all right, now let's start hammering that down. But I like having some savings and I like having a bit of a, like a cash pile in the bank that we can rely on. It feels good. It feels safe. The other thing is, it's always been sort of like, no, no, no. And at what point do I start to feel happy about cracking the wallet and doing some things,

you know, even like a small house project, say it's a few hundred bucks, a new carpet or rug or blinds or whatever. At what point am I allowed to just enjoy that and not say, no, no, no, we should save our money. we should save our money? Man, those are some great questions. I'll answer these in reverse. Okay. You said it best, and you know what's going on. Jeff, you've heard me say this.

I'll say it again, I'll say it again, I'll say it again. All anxiety is is a fire alarm. It's an alarm saying you're not safe. And I have that exact same alarm as you do when it comes to money. I get uncomfortable. I see the news. I hear people talking on the street. I have got a buddy who's a banker, fill in the blank. I get uncomfortable. That's the reason the baby steps are in place. And when it comes to enjoying your money, you're not not enjoying it because you don't have enough. you're not not enjoying it because you don't have enough you're not not enjoying it because you and your wife haven't done the right thing it's because you made your identity in being a sprinter you were running you were always trying to get away

from this alarm system and you just got to stop and acknowledge it you got to stop making your life identity about protecting yourself and sprinting all the time. Otherwise, you're going to sprint yourself. Think of yourself, the words we use here is a gazelle, right? That's the metaphor here, is a deer running from lions on the Serengeti. They're sprinting, sprinting, sprinting. If they just keep sprinting and never stop to eat, to rest,

to have some water, to have some community, they're just going to die. Right. And you're going to stress yourself out of all of the joy that is life, of your marriage, of your kids, of your home, all that stuff. And I'm telling you stuff you already know, okay? I'm going to send you a copy of my book, Hang On Here, Redefining Anxiety, that just helps you reimagine what anxiety is and start from the inside out, right? Start from a totally different perspective on anxiety and then work backwards. I'll let

Anthony walk you through the money parts, but I'm going to tell you this, you're in a great spot. While you were talking, I was writing, when you started talking, you know the words I wrote down, stop colon congratulations. You haven't stopped to acknowledge how rare you are. You and your wife have accomplished something that very few people in the United States of America have done, which is to do math, get a plan together, be on the same team, and dream together, right? And when it comes to the money part uh probably you're in a great place jeff i mean you you have the fully funded emergency fund i think you just gotta get over the mental part of things but other than that you're in a great place i mean yeah how do i how

do i calculate what number i should allow myself a month or a year to just enjoy man you know i think that's really on you i mean as long as you're accomplishing your goals, sticking to your plan, and just going after and accomplishing things, hey, man, enjoy what you can enjoy. All right? to blinds.com question of the day find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use promo code ramsey to get the best deal rules and restrictions apply today's question comes from Jansen in Ohio. Jansen writes, I've always said ever since I started listening to your show and reading your books that I would never have a credit card.

I'm 17 and my parents are encouraging me to get a credit card when I turn 18 to start building up my credit score. They are not on board with me and saying I would rather follow your plan instead of what they recommend. How do I convince them otherwise? You know, I think right now you might not be able to convince them. I think right now you have to be respectful. When you become 18, when you are legally an adult, you can just make that choice of, no, this is not what I'm going to do. I would recommend you picking up a copy of my book, Debt Free Degree. I know you're not talking about specifically student loans, but you are talking

about debt. And I explain how debt can impact a young person transitioning from high school into college or high school into the real world. And so I would highly recommend you get that book, read it, and then just start having the conversation with your parents and mom, dad. I read this book and I'm seeing this and I'm seeing that. And how do you feel about this? Start the conversation without saying, no, I'm not. You don't want to do that with your parents, But start reading more, learning more, and asking more questions. But just having it back of your head that, hey, your parents may not jump on board. They may not understand. And that's fine.

That's okay. You know the right way to go. You stick to that. Once you turn 18, you'll be all right. And I love what you said, Anthony, that sometimes you're 15, 16, 17 years old, and you live in your parents' house. Yeah.

And you live by their rules because they're paying your rent and paying your food and all that. Right. I would love to see a 17-year-old young person just like Jansen challenge his mom and dad. All three of us, we're going to read the Total Money Makeover together. We're going to talk about it. and if y'all will honor me in that way i will honor you in this way i won't whine about getting a credit card i will do what you say this is your house when i'm 18 i can do what i want to at that point but i'd love to see a young person challenge with debt-free degree with total money makeover challenge their parents

hey let's read where this is coming from i hear you i hear what your opinion is let's get another view yeah and speaking of that good folks this time of year can be stressful especially this year so we want to help make your christmas a little easier by giving away five thousand dollars this is the final week to enter our ramsey christmas giveaway and this could be your chance to win our grand prize of five thousand bucks enter daily to increase your chances of winning our grand prize of five grand at daveramsey.com slash giveaway and it's not too late to get life-changing books for family and friends during our new digital $10 sale. Get e-books like my brand-new quick read, Redefining Anxiety for just $10,

Anthony O'Neill's audio book, Debt-Free Degree for $8. Man, that's a steal. And we aren't stopping there. This week only, you can get The Proximity Principle and Love Your Life, Not There audio books. Dude, we're just giving these away for $3 each. They're the perfect gift for you or your loved ones to get 2020 started right. Enter to win some cash and save some serious money on your Christmas shopping today at DaveRamsey.com slash giveaway.

No purchase necessary to win, and you can enter daily to increase your chances. I'm talking to Dave. Three bucks? I mean, I got my mine's $8. That's a steal. That's a giveaway. I'm just trying to tell you. I'm talking to Dave when I get back. When he get back, I'm talking to Dave. Yeah.

James, set that meeting up, please. I'm not your assistant. James is with us in Charlotte, North Carolina. How can we help, man? Hey, how you doing, gentlemen? How you guys doing this evening? Doing good, man. So I have just started listening to your show recently.

I started a new job, and I drive at 5 a.m., and I get to listen to your show from the night before at 5 in the morning. New to everything, so I've been doing similar to like Mr. Jeff says, previous caller. I've been saving money in my savings accounts for a couple of years now. I've got about $26,000 between myself and my wife. How much again? I'm sorry? How much again? About $26,000. Okay. And we've got about $50,000 in debt across two car payments, her credit card, and then a remodeling for our crawl space in our house. Okay.

My question is, with the kind of way the country is right now, I want to jump on board. I want to do the baby steps. So I've obviously already passed baby step one without having $1,000. More than got six months at baby step three, but since I skipped two, I need to go back to that. Is it a smart play to go ahead and do everything and pay off and do the snowball with the money that we have?

What's your household income? It is $57,000 net. Okay, $57,000 net, all right. And so if you have $50,000 net. Okay, 57K net. All right. And so if you have $50,000 and let's say you do take the $25,000, you're going to have 25K left in

debt and then you're making $57,000 net. That means you can be actually debt free by the end of next year. So, Jason, heck yeah, I'm doing that brother. Okay. Heck yeah.

I'm taking the $25,000. I'm slapping that thing on it today before Christmas. And then for the next 12 months, 10 to 12 months, man, I am going hard. I'm explaining to my wife what's going on and we're both going to get on the same page and there's no vacation next year.

There's no – we don't have freedom. All we have is work. You're going to deliver pizzas or work for Uber at night. Wife's going to get on an afternoon or weekend job as well, and y'all are going to absolutely run gangbusters. And I want you to use the fear of what's going on in your heart as the fuel to get this thing knocked out. Yeah. And here's why.

I said it earlier, man. Like, you know, take these next 12 months to change the rest of your life. That's it. And then once you do that, you don't have to call in and ask us this kind of question no more. You're calling in and asking us, like, hey, how do I make more money? How do I start building wealth? How do I start building wealth? How do I start working on a legacy? How do I build my dream home?

How do I purchase my dream car? I want you to do all this stuff, but I want you to lay down a solid foundation first. Once you lay down a solid foundation, then let's start talking about how do we secure $100,000 in our savings account? How do we go build a million-dollar home? How do we go buy a $50,000 car cash? How do I set aside $20,000 in cash so I can pay cash for my son or daughter's school? But we've got to lay down a solid foundation. And, Jason, that's what you've got to do for the next 10 to 12 months.

You got it? Yeah. And, Jason, real quick. Yes, sir. You've got a pronoun problem in your house. You slipped it by us, and I want to call it out. You said, we have a couple of cars, and my wife has some debt on her credit card. This is y'all's money.

Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, you're correct. Got it. Everything y'all have said, we've been talking about that. We've talked about going and doing Uber Eats and Uber and Postmates. We both work second shift. I'm training on first right now, but we'll both be on second shift working 2 to 10, 2 to 11.

What kind of work do y'all do? We're both in manufacturing. I'm a machinist, and she's actually the lead at her job on Second Shift. That's awesome. Jason, well, here's the thing. Stop talking about what y'all are going to do. Go do it. Bottom line. Change doesn't happen until you start doing it. And I'm

passionate right now because I see freedom in the next 10 to 12 years. It's close, man. It's so close. Because of one phone call, they can cut their debt in half today. Yes. Today. Yes. And then they're going to run, run, run.

You know what the Christmas gift is? Baby, what are we doing next year? How are we doing this? Me and my, oh, I'll get excited. My wife will come home and say, what are we doing? How are we going to do it? It'll be so much fun to talk about how we're going to set something up for our future. Let me calm down.

This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Let me be proper. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for calling in. Phone lines are open. 888-825-5225. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. our scripture and quote comes from romans five and five and hope does not put us to shame because god's love has been poured into our hearts through the holy spirit who has been given to us frank lloyd wright once said i know the price of success, dedication, hard work,

and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen. Pam is with us in Cincinnati, Ohio. Good afternoon, Pam. How can Dr. D and I help? Well, good afternoon, and thanks for taking my call. I am 60 years old and married to a wonderful husband of 30-plus years. Wow. And we are trying to be on the same page, and I understand that this does not work, unless we are.

We have taken financial peace together, and he seems all on board. He hates debt, but his way of doing it is he's going to throw, you know, $500 or $600 on his credit card that he may have a balance on and then doesn't realize, okay, but wait, we still need groceries. Because if you don't have a budget, you don't see all that. So my question is, I've heard Dave talk about, you know, have those hard conversations and all that. So my question is, what does the spouse that really wants to do this do in the meantime when the other spouse is not yet there?

Now, I will say quickly as an aside, there's a chink in the armor because I'm a teacher, but I'm on an unpaid leave of absence this year due to the coronavirus situation. So obviously our income has gone down quite a bit. I applied for unemployment, never saw it, never saw it, and then got kind of a lump sum, which we used to pay off my car. And I said to my husband, hold on, do you see this? Like we went without my income for all these months and then had the money to pay off my car. So why wasn't the car paid off already? Like we could have done that if we'd have been on a plan,

and that looks like there was a little bit of a light bulb going on there. So maybe. But what do you do in the meantime to still keep your finances on track when your spouse is not quite there yet? Have you had the, here's what I'm feeling conversation with him? I have said it in every possible way I can. I have told him that it frightens me to not have a budget. I've used Dave's wife's words and said, sometimes it causes terror for me, you know, and I'll say, Hey, let's plan what we're doing this month. Let's put it down. And he'll go,

well, let's just wait till I get my check and see. I said, no, that's living paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to do that. I want to, I want to have, I mean, we're looking at retirement, but it's like, are we, we're not even anywhere near ready we had 15 15 plus years of really bad times where my husband due to health reasons was unemployed a lot of that time and really really totally messed up our finances we're finally digging out of that but we still have a mountain of debt we still have all kinds of things to do and we need to be on a plan to get it done. And I don't want to leave my children. Yes.

Yes. I hear behind your anxiousness. Are you angry at him? Say that again. Are you angry at your husband? He can be wonderful, and you can be angry at him at the same time. But there's something else behind this. Are you angry with him? I think sometimes I'm very angry, yes.

I know that because something small will happen and I'll be very upset about it, yes. And so what I am not going to do with somebody who was angry with me, who is hawking every comment, watching how I do it, how I do it. It sounds like a guy who has just flat been beaten up for 30 years. And did he do everything right? No, no, no, no, no, no. No. But he, I mean, he's honestly made a lot of mistakes but I have purposely he's not seen that anger oh honey listen listen listen he can feel it he breathes it it's the air in your home

and so if you want to get him on the same page with you He's got to feel safe to even be at the table with you. Now, I'm not blaming you for the money part. Not at all. I'm not blaming you for the mistakes. These are all, this is a tension here. It's both and. Did he screw up a lot? Probably. Did he go 15 years unemployed and this and that and bounce around and get into debt? Probably. And have you responded to that with a hammer? Probably. And so this whole conversation, this whole conversation begins with you sitting down saying, I've been angry with you for a long, long time. And today I'm putting that anger away.

Because we can't move any further together. We can't come together as a unit if I'm bringing this is all your fault with me. Could it all be his fault? Yep. Does that help? No. And so you've got a guy who's running scared. He doesn't feel safe in his own home. And he has a lot of behavior to change, no question.

But that starts with you creating a safe space for him to change that behavior. And this is reversed. This isn't gender specific. This is role specific. And so my challenge to you is, and then call me back next week if I'm wrong. Call me back. I'm on the show next week three three times with Dave, call me back. But I want you to start a conversation that's gentle.

Doesn't start with a budget conversation. Then why'd you spend this? And then it turns into this conversation. I want you to plan a conversation that starts with, I've been angry with you for years. And today that stops and I'm going to slip up and I'm going to screw up, and I'm going to snap at you, but I'm done with the anger because I love you, and now we're going to start coming together, and we're going to vision this together. And he's not going to know what to do.

So good, bro. So good. I got you, Pam. Yeah. But I want you to create a safe space for him. And if that's a disaster, call me back. And have him on the phone, too, and we'll talk to you both at the same time. Susie's in Fort Wayne.

Good afternoon, Susie. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi, John and Anthony. Thank you for taking my call. Yeah. I was recently injured from a bad fall, and I'm not able to sit for long periods of time. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, thank you. I'm not able to sit for long periods of time. I work at an office job. I work at an office job and because of that, I have to leave work halfway through the day. And I've just really noticed the frustration from my boss and my coworkers. It seems like it's getting worse and my anxiety can easily go from they're not happy with me to my job is in jeopardy. So my question is, how can I retrain my brain and not allow my anxiety to take over while I'm physically healing? Because I know it's not forever. It just doesn't feel like that. Well, all your anxiety is, is an alarm. And if you are going to work and the people around you are leaning into you as though this is your fault,

you're faking it and you're going to lose your job, asking that alarm to not go off is not what you need to do. You need to get beneath the alarm. You need to go sit down with your boss and say, hey, I feel that there's been some tension here. Here's where I'm at. Here's my healing trajectory. I promise I'm getting better.

Here's how I'm working hard. How can I meet your expectations for my job? Shutting the alarm off doesn't help the actual work situation, right? Got it. Yeah, that's true. And what happens is people go and they make their mission in life to shut the alarm off. And that's when you have another drink and another drink and another date and you text somebody that you're not married to and you end up in this, end up in that. And all of a sudden you're down a rabbit hole, right?

And so don't ignore the alarm. The alarm is you might get fired because people around you are tired of you not being at work. So the only way you can address that is to lean directly into it. Are you in a place where you're safe with your boss where you could go have that conversation? Yeah, and I've tried to have conversations. I haven't been that direct so I think I might that might be my next step and I would lean into that conversation you first meaning hey I want to put it out there I got hurt and I'm not healing as fast as I thought and I'm having to get up and I'm having to go home sometimes and I just want to put it out there I understand that this is disruptive I'm working my butt off here I'm still making my numbers I'm still getting sometimes, and I just want to put it out there. I understand that this is disruptive. I'm working my butt off here.

I'm still making my numbers. I'm still getting it done, and I know it's frustrating. I feel some tension on you guys. Am I right? And leaning it that way. Okay? Thank you so, so much for that call, Susie. Man.

America, this has been fun. Dr. D, thank you so much, man. I love rocking with you, man. Appreciate you, man. I want to thank our producer, James Child. I want to thank our associate producer, Kelly Daniel. But filling in for her today is Madison. Killing it on the phone line.

Thank you so much for doing what you do and helping us inspire the world today. You've been a blessing. And you, America, thank you so much. Now, don't forget, the caliber of your financial future will be determined by the choices you made today. And you made the right one by listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit DaveRamsey.com slash show and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.