The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Get Past My Anger Issues? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney, and we are excited to take your calls and your questions. Whether you have questions or want information about life, stress, anxiety, and dealing with this COVID-19 situation, or maybe you've got a family dynamic that you need some guidance on, Dr. Deloney can chip in and guide you there.

If you've got a money question or you're curious about investing or something just in life and dealing with the baby steps or trying to jumpstart your financial future, I'm more than willing to help you. But what you would have to do is reach out to call us. That number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. I'm ready to roll.

John, you ready? I'm ready to roll, and I can guarantee the advice we're going to give out is at least worth what people paid for it. Oh, absolutely. I firmly agree with that. Double that. You could triple it if you wanted to. I mean, if we just wanted to just purely show off,

we could just tell people, and they can do that. So call us. Okay, Kelly is ready, standing by, to screen the call and talk with you. We'd love to talk with you. All right, we're jumping to the phone lines. We're going to Boston. We've got Alexandria on the phone. How are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're jumping to the phone lines. We're going to Boston. We've got Alexandria on the phone. How are you?

Hi, I'm good. How are you guys doing? Oh, we're focused and not finished. How can we help you today? Well, so I've been listening to the Ramshaw. I've been, like, binge listening to the podcast, and it's been teaching me so much information. And I'm at a point where I'm about to start paying off a lot of my debts.

Good. And basically, yeah, I'm about to start paying off a lot of my debts. Um, and basically, yeah, I'm, I'm excited to do it. I'm really scared though, because I, I'm somebody who likes to have a cushion, like a cushion cash. And basically right now I'm trying to figure out what to do in terms of a job. I have a lot of offers on the table and I've pretty much decided to move forward with one job. It's $36,000 annually. Um, it's an office job, you know, doing reception, nothing too exciting. But another offer that I do have on the table is selling life insurance. Now, my question is, would it be more responsible to just take the job where I know what income I'll have,

even though it's not necessarily where I want it to be? I need a little bit more in terms of being able to pay, you know to pay my monthly bills or moving forward with something like a life insurance job where I can have uncapped commission, residual income, even after I leave the job. But it's completely undetermined how much I would be making because it's 100% commission. Okay. So, Alexandria, you do have some options. You've laid it out. What I want to do is get an understanding of your financial situation. So what kind of debt do you have left right now?

Okay, so basically what I have is I have a lot of credit card debt. How much? I did the dumb thing. I lived a YOLO life for a while, so I have about $30,000 in credit card debt, and then I owe about $8,000 on my car, which is right now in the shop because I got in an accident. So I'm trying to see if I'll be able to hopefully sell the car or maybe it's going to be totaled. I don't really know what's going to happen with that yet.

Hey, how much coffee have you had today? Nothing. I'm just really nervous. Well, settle down. She's from Boston. Slow down. She loves life. I'm just playing.

Slow down. Breathe. You're making my blood pressure go up. Talking so fast. Relax. Alexandria, we do not need that. His blood pressure is as high as it needs to be. You shut your face to lonely.

All right, so here, listen to me, young lady. You got $30,000 in credit card debt. How many cards do you have? Too many that I want to talk about. I need a number. Ones that I'm paying off right now that I'm paying on are five cards. I don't use any of the cards, and there's one card that I use just to use it, and the other ones I just have a balance that I'm trying to pay off.

You have five that you're paying on. You have a total of how many cards in your wallet that's probably the size of a backpack? There's a few more in there. There's like three cards that I don't use anymore okay i know all right now listen we got to get real on this this is your future how old are you i'm 27 27 years old so you got how much is the minimum payment on all this 30 000 in credit cards would you ballpark about 100 about 100 um so well it's 100 per. So right now I'm paying about $300 a month. Well, like $325 a month in credit cards.

Okay. You told me there are five actively you're paying on. Well, because one of them I pay in full every month. All right. So you're still paying in credit card. All right. And how much is your car payment? My car payment is $285 a month.

Okay. And then how much is your rent? So right now my rent is about285 a month. Okay. And then how much is your rent? So right now my rent is about $800 a month, and I'm actually looking to, me and my partner are going to be getting a place soon. So I'm hoping that I'll be able to save a little bit once he and I get a place together, but I'm not really counting on that. I'm just trying to do it with what I have right now. Okay.

How much do you have in savings? So in my bank account, I have around $20,000. That's what I'm going to pay off so much of it before I was moving with my partner and once I have an idea of what I'm going to do for my job. So think of a cushion when you owe $38,000 and you've got $20,000 in the bank. Think of that cushion as a comfortable seat on a ship that is sinking feels good underneath your butt you're going to drown just the same right the cool thing about your situation is you could man you could be halfway home by the time the day's over right chris yeah i mean here here's

the reality from a job standpoint you need something that's going to be stable. Because if your work life is like your financial situation, you're going to be all over the place. And so you do need something stable where you can budget and get intentional. You got $20,000 in the bank. Here's what needs to happen if you're serious about moving forward. You're going to take that and you're going to list the debts out smallest to biggest. You're going to go all the way down to accept $1,000 in that emergency fund. You're going to use the 19 to start attacking debt.

And you're going to close out the credit cards. Now, if you don't close them, you're not going to get serious about them. You're just going to run them back up, okay? And then what I'd do is then have a real conversation with your fian fiance and get engaged and set a wedding date before you start moving in. What you don't want to do is to start doing joint money things together with a friend because the friend has a choice to leave. And they can leave you with whatever situation that you found yourself in or probably even worse. So I would go with the stable job until you clean up this mess. You could still pursue the insurance thing on the side if you're serious about it because to get the insurance license you're

going to have to pass tests you're going to have to pass the test and you said something too that you'd also get residuals even after you leave okay so you've already had the job and then left it and you're counting money so don't don't you you got you got math problems, girl. You really do. And so what I want you to do, stop dabbling and start thinking. And that is thinking about your future and what it is you want for yourself. Clean up this mess. Clean it up and stop playing the credit card game. Those mileage and points and whatever that YOLO lifestyle you said you were going for,

listen to me. That is something that is a mindset that is dangerous for your financial future and it'll keep you stuck and she said two things i want to make sure we park on receptionists are great gifts to humanity i remember being a 16 year old working at burger king for joe and linda in houston texas and i learned in job, it takes 10 seconds to make somebody's day by just being kind and knowing what you're talking about, or 10 seconds to ruin somebody's day. A receptionist is a gift. And you mentioned it when you listened to,

talking about her partner, talking about where she lives, her jobs. She's got a foot out the door on everything in her life. Yeah. Everything in her life. Get stable. Know where you're going to go. Draw a picture and go towards that.

I don't have anything else to say. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. One of the questions I get all the time is, which life insurance company should I use for my term life policy? A valid question since there are hundreds of companies out there with rates all over the place and riders and add-ons that are simply a waste of money. You need to get this done and make the right decision. That's why the only company I use and have recommended for over 20 years is Zander Insurance. Zander is a broker who shops the top term life companies for you

and finds the best rates available from the only plans I recommend. They also save you time. Whether you want to work online, over the phone, or via text, their team will cater to your needs and help you make the right decision. This is an absolute necessity, and Zander has made the process easy and convenient. Call them at 800-356-4282 or visit zander.com for instant online quotes. Hello, everyone. This is the Dave Ramsey Show I'm Chris Hogan and co-hosting with me this hour

is Dr. John Deloney who's causing all kinds of havoc in here and I'm trying to keep him in line and keep everything moving but listen, we gotta tell you something Blinds.com has 100% satisfaction guaranteed. Even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, they'll make your blinds for free. You get free samples.

You get free shipping. And with the new promos they run every month, you are going to save even more. So use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. All right. I've got today's question coming from Dr. Deloney. All right, today's question actually comes from Alyssa in Minnesota, but I'll read it.

She visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, My daughter's dad passed away in 2017. He had a pension that was divided between his three children. My daughter is entitled to roughly $45,000 of that. I was told by a judge that the money would need to be put in a savings account until she was 18, and I would need to get the court's approval for any purchases. I mentioned I would like to put her money where it would build over the next 14 years, and he said I had an option to invest in mutual funds, and I'm completely clueless on investing.

I would also like to invest in my daughter's education. I'm just not sure where to start. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Hogan, what should Alyssa from Minnesota do? Well, I'm going to tell you this. I like, number one, that Alyssa is thinking about growing this money. We've got 14 years for this money to do some stuff. So there's a positive opportunity.

I would definitely go with the growth stock mutual funds because you're investing for things that are five years or longer. So putting that money, the dollar's four right now. So putting this money aside, it's going to do some serious growth over 14 years. So I would get with a SmartVestor Pro. Go to DaveRamsey.com or ChrisHogan360.com. Click on the Dream Team button to find a SmartVestor Pro in your area. But at the same time, she's wanting to start doing some investing and saving for college education. ESA's educational savings accounts or 529's non-state directed are waste.

So with this one connection with the SmartVestor Pro, she's going to get the information she needs, and this money is going to be on a trail to grow. So me ask you a question about the um growth stock mutual fund if she puts this in let's let's it looks like this this her daughter's four years old yeah she puts 45 grand in that account can she pull that money out of a mutual fund absolutely when the daughter turns 18 she can pull that out at any time you would just have to pay taxes on the gain. Okay. Right? So if it was 45 when you put it in, and then it grew to be 120, now she could either pull that money out to use to buy a home, pull it out for a wedding.

But when you pull it out, you'll pay taxes on that. So why wouldn't she put that in a Roth IRA? Well, number one, A, the daughter, to have a Roth, you've got to have earned income. So this wasn't earned, this was gifted. Okay. Okay, so this was something willed to her in this form of a pension. So she could put it in growth stock mutual funds, though. It's a way

to be able to invest that. So Smart Investor Pro is the way to go. So clearly you know more about money than I do. That's why I like sitting with you on the show because I get to ask questions and then I take little notes and then I go out and change the way

I'm doing things in my house. Back in April, you released a YouTube video based on a Kiplinger article that was entitled 10 Reasons You Will Never Get Out of Debt. Yes. You took umbrage to that.

We heard the building shake when you read it right as you pounded both of these ham fists you have on the floor the building shook hands are petite they are not petite so chris kiplinger suggests there are 10 reasons why you will never get out of debt i don't think that's true you don't think that's true give us don't think that's true. Give us a couple of tools. Give us a couple of reasons why that's shenanigans. Well, here's the deal. I mean, A, I didn't like the title because it's telling people what they can't do, which gets me riled up.

There you go. Right? And I want people to believe in what they can do. However, it's a depressing title, but we're going to do the opposite. So I don't care how much debt you have. With the right strategy, commitment, and effort, you can pay it off. Now, there were 10 reasons why people stay in debt. I'm going to share with you five.

And here's the deal. Number one, you don't know how much you owe, right? You're going to stay in debt if you don't know how much you owe. People are scared to look at their credit report, scared to look to see exactly how much they have in debt. It's going to be imperative for you to look at this and acknowledge it and stare it in the face. Number two reason you would probably stay in debt, you only pay the minimum payment. Okay, sending $10 a month when you owe $2,000, you're not doing anything.

Okay, you're not going to make any kind of progress. Credit card companies want you to pay the minimum. That's why they're a billion-dollar industry industry they love for you to do this because it means you're going to hang around for a long time we're not doing that we're going to leave them high and dry for example dr d if you have a five thousand dollar balance on a credit card with a 15 annual percentage rate and you make the minimum payment of of the two percent of the balance how long do you think it would take you to pay it off 10 years no try again 15 years you're sad 20 years no 27 years 27 years is and you you to pay off it's ridiculous so if i if i have 5 000 bucks

and i go to the hardware store and i buy a mower and a shovel and i don't know what would add up to in a grill you're telling me that 30 years later? You could still be paying on it. Good Lord. Hands down. And the 15% in this example is generous. It's 19.5 right now. But anyway, I digress.

Another reason you probably could stay in debt, you don't have any money for emergencies. So when life happens, guess what you have to do? You've got to reach back toward debt because you don't have any money. But Chris, I'm in great shape and I'm young and emergencies don't happen to me. There's no such thing as things that happen out of the blue that I don't know about. You know what? If someone looked me in my eye and told me emergencies doesn't happen

to them, I'd avoid them like the plague. Because something's coming. Something is coming. Okay? Matter of fact, the hair on my neck stood up when you said that. it made me nervous uh-oh this one and i'm gonna look at you when i say this another reason you'll probably stay in debt you can't say no to your kids say no to your kids parents take on debt for their kids little things like eating out and they call these things uh up by the counter sucker buys right a

little candy and things up there because little kids grab them and they want them yeah tell them you know what kids love what you your time you know what that cost zero dollars zero cents zero dollars zero cents you could take a dad and a mom and some dirt clods and a tennis ball and a stick and have a great free afternoon i just made those out you can just have what did you say a dirt what uh some dirt clods a tennis ball a stick you are from texas and a screwdriver and a pony you have the the day of your life because you know what your kids want you all these little eating out things and toys and clothes that's about mom and dad that's not about kids.

You're right, dude. All right, final one. You got to go watch the video to get the rest of them. Number five, you feel a sense of entitlement. We talked about saying no to kids, but can you say no to yourself? But Christopher, I work so hard. I deserve it. Lord, listen to me.

My dad was mean to me. I deserve it. Listen, if we actually got what we deserved. Don't even want to go there. I don't want none of there none of that so hey i want to circle back to number one can i tell you something when i was working on my practicum seeing counseling clients i would talk to folks in a in a counseling setting they'd come in sessions one two three just getting to know each other they would drop things about their relationships things about past traumas about their their sex lives about their relationships, things about past traumas, about their sex lives,

about their dating lives. How much debt do you have? They couldn't answer that question. They wouldn't answer that question. There is so much shame around this idea of money. Yeah, it is. I'm doing it wrong. I've screwed up forever.

I can never get out of this. I shouldn't have done X. I'm going it wrong. I've screwed up forever. I can never get out of this. I shouldn't have done X. I'm going to do Y. There's so much shame that becomes, right, instead of I did something stupid, it becomes I am stupid. I did something dumb with money. Now I just am. I'm dumb with money. I'm a bad guy when it comes to dealing with money.

And that's so not true. No, it's not true. It is not true. And that's what I love about the people that have the courage to call in and talk about their situation, being able to be up front. And hey, we've all done stupid with money. I mean, you've heard Dave talk about his time and time again. I've done my version of financial stupid.

Have you done some financial stupid? You're going to have to get in line to get behind my stupid. Okay, we'll deal with yours after the break. But listen, it doesn't matter what you've done. I'm not worried about where you are. I'm worried about where you're headed. Get up, pick yourself up, start to think right, people. Progress is available.

Stay focused and not finished. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Outro Music Hello, everyone. You are listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour is Don Deloney. And, you know, a lot of parents are figuring out and hearing that schools may or may not be open. So parents are having to figure out what are we going to do, how are we going to do this, how are we going to teach kids. And I talk to parents all the time that say, you know what, I want to make sure my kids understand this money thing more than I ever did.

Well, here's the deal. You don't ever want your kids to experience the panic of being unprepared for a crisis. And by teaching them how to be smart with money now, you can help position them better than they could ever be. We've got your back. We offer a fully digital self-study course where you can rest assured that your teen is going to learn to handle money the right way, so they'll know how to handle their finances, even in a pandemic. So the best part, there is no instructor needed and the courses are self-paced. So if your team has a tablet or computer, they're all set and ready to go. So parents go to DaveRamsey.com slash self-study. Again, that's DaveRamsey.com slash self-study to learn more

about the different courses that we have available for your middle school and high school students. So this is important. I don't know about you, John, but I think us teaching our young people the reality of money can help them avoid some of the pitfalls we've all made. Oh, I wish I'd had that course when I was younger. Oh, I know. I wish I'd had that course when I was younger.

And hey, I've seen some of those videos. They're outstanding. Yeah, they are of those videos. They're outstanding. Yeah, they are very well done. They're good. And, again, self-paced, so your young person can kind of guide themselves and walk through this. All right, we're getting to the phones. If you're out there and you've got a question we want to hear from you, the number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225.

Or find us on social at Ramsey Show. I'm at ChrisHogan360. John is at John Deloney. All right, let's take a call. Let's see here. We got Mike on the line. Mike, how can John and I help you? Well, first off, let me say it's absolutely a dream come true to be on this show, talk to you guys.

Chris, I read both of your books. And because of everything with Ramsey Solutions, my wife and I paid off $69,000 worth of debt in two years. Wow. That is fantastic, Mike. Great job, buddy. Thank you. But the reason why I'm calling is actually for Dr. D. So, Dr. D., I'll just get right to it. Um, I've been angry for a very,

very long time. I've just been frustrated in my life. Um, I've been diagnosed with anxiety. I battled depression when I was a high schooler, uh, even through college. And, um, on Saturday, I, I, we had a friend come over and she pretty much said that to my wife and I that we're getting ready to travel the world. She's getting ready to travel the world. And I just got so mad because there's just this thing in my head that feels like I've done everything right. Why can't, why do I always work jobs I don't like? Why do I constantly feel like I'm in an uphill battle? And honestly, I'm just wondering, how do I stop being angry?

How do I stop taking my anger out on my wife? How do I stop lashing out at people? And that's really what I'm trying to figure out. Who told you as a young kid that you had to settle? So, real quick, I come from a single-family household, and I was always taught money's hard to come by, get a job, and hold on to it as tight as possible. Who told you that your thoughts didn't matter?

Somebody down your tree told you that. Who was that? Who told you to shut your mouth and get it done? Pretty much. Mom, dad. Okay. Lots of people. My coaches.

Right. How old are you now? I'm 31. You're 31. Do you have any kids? No. No? How long have you have any kids? No. No? How long have you been married?

It'll be four years in October. What does anger look like with your wife? I get pretty much incensed, and I just start with the never gonna. I'm never going to make money. We're never going to make money. We're always going to live hand to mouth, we're always gonna do this, we're always gonna do that, and life just gets very, very dark for me, and she also sees me say, well, how come so-and-so can work whatever job they want, how come so-and-so can, you know, make more money, how come so-and-so only had to go to one school, and I had to go to two, and I you know, barely, we're barely scraping by right now.

And so, you know, why can't I, sorry, go ahead, John. Yeah. I was going to say, so you've put a couple of things out there. Number one, you're living in this catastrophic thinking, right? That, um, you said you come from a single parent household. Yeah. Right. So if you, if you want to get real psychoanalytic real fast, the first thing that's supposed

to happen when you're born is that you're supposed to learn how to connect and how to love. And then over time, you're supposed to get images on how to love other people. You didn't get that, right? Now, that doesn't mean people didn't love you. They didn't feed you. They didn't take care of you. That's not what that means. That means that somewhere along the way, you were told to shut your mouth and get your job done.

And then you learned real quick the best way I can navigate life, the best way Mike can inch his way around is to take everything that is Mike and shove it so far down that nobody can see it and hear about it. In counseling, we call it leakage, which means you can deal with that or it will deal with you. It will find a way out. And it usually comes out at real inopportune times. And it comes out in catastrophic thinking,opportune times. And it comes out

in catastrophic thinking, all or nothing, this is the end. And it comes out in chest puffed out. The way a lot of men deal with shame is they stick their chest out, they flex real big and they say, yeah, what about me? And then they constrict the next closest living, breathing thing, which is usually the people they love the most, right? Yeah, and I'll be the first one to admit that. You know, when I get angry, I tell my wife, just, you know, get away from me. I just need some time to cool down. And it's not fair to her because she's the one who's there for me,

and I just pretty much push her away. And, you know, I've listened to a lot of, and it's funny you say that about a man. I've been trying to figure that out for a good time and everything I've read. It's always like, you know, men were lone wolves. We just shove everything down. It's nonsense. It's stupid. And it's a terrible way. And if you look at the, if you look at the, um, the data on men, we're dying out of loneliness. They're calling them diseases of despair. We are literally dying from loneliness, from shoving everything down. We are dying from hiding and trying to outwork connection.

We're trying to work ourselves to death in order, because we don't have the tools on how to be friends and how to connect. So here's the thing you've got to do, man. And this is a, what I'm going to say is a red alert, but it's a blessing. Most guys don't get where you are, Mike, until everything around them is on fire or has been burned to the ground. So I'm going to tell you, you are a noble guy for recognizing it. You're probably not noble for what you said to your wife. You're probably not noble for how you talk and treat people. You are noble because you caught it. And now the hard work is going to be getting with a counselor in your community that you can talk with and be open with. And that's

number two. I mean, that's number one. You got to find a professional in your community. If it's a pastor, so be it. I'm going to recommend you get a professional counselor to deal with anger. And number two, you have to find a group. And that might be an anger group. That might be a group of guys that you invite over to your house once a week. That might be a small group at your church. Not a cheesy one that you just go and you pass nachos around, but that you can actually be vulnerable with and whole with. But the only way, the only way a guy and a i don't want to gender this only way any of us

can move through some of these historical traumas and our relationship issues is with other people i agree no that connection is absolutely critical and i agree with what you said uh and it's going to be important mike again i'm proud of you as well for reaching out and talking about what you are feeling and what you are in the middle of. This life stuff is tough, but I'm going to also, this professional that you're going to talk to is going to help you start to discover you so you can figure out what it is you want to do. You are not stuck in whatever job you have right now. It's just the one you're working. I want you to hear me. You're not stuck. You've got more options. And psychologically, we can put ourselves in this prison thinking that it's all or nothing, and it's just not the case.

So do me a favor. Definitely get connected with a counselor. Definitely go in and sit down and talk to your wife tonight. Let her know that, hey, I'm on this journey, and at times I get scared, and I need you right now. I need your prayer. I need your patience. I need your encouragement because this isn't how I want to be. And I'm going to tell you, I want you to watch in her eyes and look what happens because

she's going to see you a little bit differently. And my goodness, when you get a chance to see her and you allow her to be what God's designed her to be for your life, you are getting ready to have a world of change. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, everyone. You are listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan and co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And we have had a blast digging in and talking to you with your questions. And so we appreciate you reaching out.

And we know that you trust us. And so we appreciate you reaching out, and we know that you trust us. And so you want to reach out, call us. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We're going to jump on the line here. We've got Harper on the line. Harper, how can we help you? Hey, hey.

Pleasure to talk to both of you. Thanks so much for taking my call. Well, you're welcome. What's on your mind today? Hey, I'm sorry, Chris, but this is going Thanks so much for taking my call. Well, you're welcome. What's on your mind today? Hey, I'm sorry, Chris, but this is going to go to Dr. D again. Well, get him. Hey, I'll tell you what. Chris is dropping some wisdom today, and so he may end up taking this call over,

but we'll see what we got. Not at all. Harper, get him. Tell him what's on your mind. It's not that I know what I'm doing 100% financially. It's just that I got the Dave thing I understand what I'm supposed to be doing so good my question for Dr. D by the way some of the stuff you said to that previous caller I swear got a direction that I'm going to go, but frustration, real high frustration.

And I just had a really bad week. It just kind of all came to a head. I really just don't like my job. So how do I, what can I pick up to get me through those weeks that show up until I get on the right path that is correct for me. If that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned that you've got somewhere that you're headed.

You know where you want to go. You're going to have to get some extra training, but you've got that in mind, right? Correct. I started last night, as a matter of fact. I had an epiphany talking to a girlfriend because girlfriends talking to girlfriends is a different thing than talking to guys. So anyway. So I think you, number one, good for you. You've got a plan.

And as Hogan says, dream it in 3D. Don't just pick it up and say, I want to go in this direction. I want you to actually sit down and think of a picture of what it's going to look like when you're working in that place and reverse engineer that and work backwards. Where do you need to be? As our friend Ken Coleman says, who are the folks that you need to get in contact with, to network with? How are you going to make that happen? That's number one. Then I'm going to answer you directly from my own life. I got a PhD in 2010. I got my senior administrative job at a couple of different universities. And I started getting more and more interested both in my own mental health and the

mental health of these hundreds of students I was dealing with. And so I started nickel and diamond my way back to school. And I had to get more training. I realized that the training I was going to have to get to be able to do mental health full time was going to take me four years or five years. And then I was struck with this notion that I can waste that time in between or I can default to treating everybody around me with dignity, working as hard as I can in my job because that's a reflection of me. That's a reflection of my character. It's a reflection of the people that I'm going to be in touch with. And so it took the frustration

of the job part out. Every job's got hard stuff with it. And then especially when you find yourself way outside of your sweet spot, as Ken calls it, it's uncomfortable, it's frustrating. But at the end of the day, all you can control is you.

And so decide, I'm going to bring a hundred percent of my A game to this job. I'm going to give fully Harper into this in whatever person I talk to, I'm going to treat them with dignity and respect. I'm going to turn my work in early. I'm going to make sure it's proofread and it's excellent. And I'm going to double down on this training that I'm working towards. And then I'm going to be able to move careers and move jobs and get into something that's going to be more fulfilling for me. And what I found when I transitioned that, I did four years later, I ended up with another PhD and I had fun going that process. But Chris,

I changed from the inside out because my trajectory was different. I feel like on the back end, I was another person. I was a better dad, a better husband. I had to look in the mirror and deal with some stuff that I hadn't dealt with in a long time. And all that came from saying, I'm just going to show up and do good work on my job. And I stumbled and failed. And I'm like, oh, mighty dude, I sucked along the way in some places. But over time, you just get better and better because it's about what I can control. And that's showing up and doing work as hard as I can, doing a good job.

Harper, for you, are you clear on your plan? Okay, it looks like we lost her. But I agree with you, John. Harper's back. Harper, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Are you clear on your plan of what's next for you? Crystal clear.

Okay. I already Googled it, figured out the – I'm looking at Six Sigma training, and so there's an order that you have to take things in, and so I'm heading down that road. So I can't leave the current kind of work that I do simply because baby step two and trying to make sure that, you know, keep a roof over my head and all that stuff. So I have to keep it. So I needed exactly what Dr. D just said, which was, well, I'll keep it clean. I won't go Marine Corps, but basically pull your head out your rear end and just keep going.

Harper, can I change that for you? Yes. Less than pull your head out of your backside. Wrap both of your hands around your own heart. And I know that sounds cheesy, and if Dave was here, he would have bonked me outside the head. But I want you to live into this idea that, Harper, you have value. Harper, you have worth. And all you can control is how you show up for other people,

how you show up for the work that you committed to doing by being in this job. And that takes all of the drama and the pressure and the gritting and driving. It takes all that away. Because, Harper, you're a person of value. You're trying to figure out what tomorrow's going to look like. You've got a plan. You want to get there. You're going to figure out what tomorrow's going to look like. You've got a plan. You want to get there. You're going to start grinding it out.

You've already Googled it, for God's sake. Once you hit the Googles, man, now we're off to the races, right? Well, I love that, and I'm going to tell you this. Seeing this current job that is not your dream job, it gets you frustrated and irritated, you get an inside-out, and I like that change in inside-out because now your view is totally different. That's right. This current job is going to get you to this better job.

Yep. And we're going to utilize it and respect it. And we're going to ride it until we don't need it anymore. And then you make the transition. But I'm not going to, you know, as our friend Luke here at the office says, I'm not just going to go, I don't want to be doing this today. That's right. Right?

That's right. Nope. I'm going to show up and I'm going to do my full A plus rock star effort on it. And when I don't do those, when I have my whiny days and my complainy days, I'm going to say I'm sorry. I'm going to repent of those internally. I'm going to look in the mirror and say, not today. I'm going to get up and do it better again the next time. No, I like that.

But changing inside out, that's the key. You've got to make a decision internally of where am I, what do I want, and what's the direction I'm going to go. And it's amazing when you change perspective like that. Like a friend of mine used to tell me, he goes, man, I've got to this. I've got to that. And I go, no, no, no. You get to. You get to, man.

And it was a paradigm shift for him. Both your legs work. Both your arms work. Your breathing. Your heart and mind work. You get to. And it was one of those things where I had to check myself with some of my language absolutely not have to you get to and now we get to make a decision we get to in this country to to decide and do all within the

same minute if we want to but we get to make the decision harper i here's my challenge this is a 30-day gratitude challenge i I want you to wake up every day and write down on a piece of paper, every day for 30 days, seven days a week, it's going to take you eight seconds. Write three sentences that start with the words, I am grateful for, and fill it in. I'm grateful for, I'm breathing. I'm grateful for, my head doesn't hurt as bad as it did yesterday. I am grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for my time in the Marine Corps, whatever it is. That's the way that I learned to begin living inside out because I spent so much time whining and complaining and being frustrated. Why did I get this promotion?

And it just affected everyone around me. It didn't solve any problem. It's unbelievable. A bad attitude is like a cold. You can catch it from someone else, right? So you've got to be careful. You've got to look at it. But I tell you, leave it with this, it's hard to be

hateful when you're grateful. Boy, when you start off with those three sentences about what you're grateful for, and you start to realize how fast and deep you're going in that thing, you look at this next situation, you go, ah, this is just a blink on the dial. We got opportunity, and I got options because I get to make decisions. That is a blessing.

Thanks for the call, Harper. Yeah, thank you, Harper. I want to thank all the callers for taking the time to call in. I want to thank producer Zach Bennett filling in, Kelly Daniel, associate producer. And I want to thank all of you for tuning in. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruz, Chris Hogan, or the rest of the Ramsey Network anywhere with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone.

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