The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Grow My Business Without Burning Out? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today as we answer your questions about your life and your money.

Her new book, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. One week! One week from today. I can't believe it. It feels like the pre-sale has flown. I'm so excited. Which means a lot of different things. Number one, all of you that have already bought the book, and there are a bunch of you, thank you very much. It'll be shipped next week, and you'll have it on your doorstep somewhere around Monday or Tuesday of next week, something like that.

Lots of good stuff going on. And, of course, that also means there's only one week left in all of the special deals associated with pre-sale. Yes. So if you've been holding out because you're thinking, oh, I'm not going to get it because it's not going to ship, if you get it now, it will ship very soon, and you get the free stuff. But if you wait until next week when it launches,

you're going to miss out on the e-book, the audio book, the ticket to the live event on Thursday, the access to the private Facebook group with me, and all that good stuff. So, yeah, if you're thinking about getting it, go ahead. Even if it's for Christmas, go ahead and get it now because you get the freebies. It just makes sense. Yeah. You get about $100 worth of stuff, a little less than $100 worth of stuff extra when you buy the $20 book. And you buy it this week rather than next week. If you wait until next week at this time, you will pay $20 and you will get a $20 book.

Yeah. And that's what you'll get. That's right. So this is the deal. It is the guilt-free guide to life balance. It's called Take Back Your Time. It's all about productivity. It's all about doing not just being productive, but being productive in a way that allows your life to be sustainable.

Yeah, it does. It really redefines this whole word. It's taking a new angle on it. And I think that's important because what I've seen, Dave, and I've definitely been guilty of this myself, is we think the answer to our balance problem is that we just need to do more. And so we wake up earlier, stay up later, and run harder and faster in between, but we still feel like something's not right.

And so I help you get to the root issue of why you feel like that in the first place. I help you figure out what your version of balance looks like in the season and then take very practical steps to achieve it. So I really feel like it's a very new take on this old conversation. And to be honest, a word that needed redefining. You know, I hadn't thought about that, but if you're on a tightrope trying to balance, the harder you try, the more out of balance you get. And the more people yell at you that you need to be in balance, the harder it is. And have you ever seen a tightrope walker?

Like, they're not looking like they're having fun. Like, every fiber on their body is tense. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live like that. So I'm like, let's get rid of these analogies. And a lot of people kind of, in a secret part of their soul, are wishing they fall. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live like that. So I'm like, let's get rid of these analogies. And a lot of people kind of, in a secret part of their soul, are wishing they fall. I mean, come on.

We've got all these analogies of tightrope walking, spinning plates, and juggling balls. I don't want to live my life like that. That sounds hard, risky, and not fun. Sounds like a circus. And you know what? Therein lies the problem we have in our world today. Our lives are a circus. That's it.

I'm here to help you with your circus. All of this balance stuff happens in the circus. So stop it. Stop it. Get out of the tent. Get away from the circus. Get away from the three rings. And let's start doing the right things at the right time in the right degree for where you are right now in this season.

And that's Christy's take on this stuff. It's going to help a bunch september 13th is the last day to do the pre-order that means that is the last uh day that's the last day to pre-order the book get fifty dollars plus almost a hundred dollars worth of goodies on thursday night of next week one week from this thursday she and i will be doing a live stream event uh go along with the book, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. And it is called what? Take Back Your Time Live. Who knew? So crazy.

That's a strange name for us to do having something to do with this book. But, yeah, there you go. So it's actually Christy is doing the event, and they're letting me be on there for a few minutes so I can act like I'm important. Everybody knows better. And it's a book signing. If you knows better. And it's a book signing. If you come in Nashville, it's a book signing. You get your book signed. If you want to join us here in person, then you can get a ticket.

We've got a few slots left, not many. It's pretty well booked up. It's not a big crowd we're going to have for the live studio audience. That's right. But you can do that and come out, and it's going to be a great event. That event is a paid live stream or free? It's free if you get your pre-order copy of the book. So go ahead and get your copy of the book.

Otherwise you're going to have to pay to watch it. And that's at RamseySolutions.com. The other thing that I want people to know too, which has been kind of fun, Dave, last week we sent out the e-book to all of the people that pre-ordered by that date. I believe it was September 1st and we're already getting reviews. So if you're on the fence go go to ramseysolutions.com. You can look at reviews for

the book for our early readers and see what they think and hear from real people. So that might answer some questions if you have any. Very cool stuff. All right, Andrew is first up this hour in Detroit, Michigan. Andrew, welcome to The Ramsey Show. How can we help? Hi, Dave. Hi, Christy. Congrats on the new book. Thank you. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. So I'm calling. It's relatively fresh news, but my mom has been pretty sick with diabetes these last few months, and she's on the upswing of it, but, um, uh, from it, her vision has gone. So she's just been declared illegally blind. Um, and, uh, you know, so she's applied and, um, she's going to be on disability, um, making about $1,800 a month, um, which is not a lot, um, in comparison to what she was making, which was, I want to say closer to 3000 a month. Um, but I,

I guess just generally, um, my mom's pretty steadfast that she wants to, uh, keep working, um, in some capacity and, uh, she's a very independent human being. So I've no doubt she'll find a way to make that happen in some way. But I guess, um, I'm just asking about just general advice with limitations of income like that. Obviously, the scope of her abilities are going to be a lot lower than what they were. How you might work your way through the baby steps. So right now, she has about $25,000 in debt. I intend personally about paying about half of that because it was for a student loan of mine. And she has about $30,000 in the bank.

She doesn't know a lot about you. I follow you a lot, obviously, Dave. How old is she? My mom is 57. 5'7". Yes. And you're how old? I'm 24.

Oh, my goodness. And what do you make? Me, I make $89,000 a year. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. This is a tough, tough situation for both of you. And she's lucky and blessed to have you there to walk with her through this. So the SSI is what she's going to be on.

We'll give her the limitations that she can make in addition to the disability without putting her disability in jeopardy. Okay? Yeah, I believe that's what it is. The SSI payments should be on. It is, and they'll give her the limitations that she can make on the books legally. Some people in those situations work off the books for cash and do whatever they want to do. I'm not suggesting that.

I'm just saying sometimes that happens. And so I think then you sit down and you work as quickly as you can with your $89,000 to pay off the portion that you're going to pay off. And then we're just on a very, very, very tight budget in her case. So it's going to be a slow movement. The main thing she's got to do is take care of herself first and then worry about this debt and other stuff second. Way down the list. Take care of the food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and utilities before you do anything else, especially in this situation. Hey, it's Christi Wright.

Y'all, let's be honest. When it comes to our quiet time with God, sometimes it's hard to know where to start. You've heard me talk about the Glorify app before, and there's a reason. For me, it has been a game changer, helping me grow in my faith every day. Every morning, Glorify guides me through God's Word with a bite-sized Bible reading, a daily devotional, and a guided reflection that helps me connect with God. And it's free to download. So if you haven't already, give Glorify a try.

Just search for Glorify in your app store. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today as we answer your questions here on The Ramsey Show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Mohamed is with us in the Netherlands. Hey, how are you? Hey, Dave and Christy, how are you doing? Great, how can we help? Hey, I got a real estate question.

So like you already said, I'm in the Netherlands and I really like real estate. So I started investing it when I was pretty young. And with my work, there is an opportunity come up to come to the United States. And I was wondering if I should sell everything and go from there in the state, begin again real estate, or should I keep it maybe and go from long distance, even though I've never even done something like that and looks pretty hard. So that was my question, basically. How long do you think you'll be in the states uh for at least this project this would be a year but uh i would i would probably be there for like forever i mean that's the plan that would be the goal okay so your plan is to move to the

united states permanently yeah correct yes okay when do you uh right now the probability of that right now the probability of one year is very high what's the when will you know more on a very high level what the probability of you staying forever is probably somewhat into that year i'm guessing guessing. Yeah, correct, yes. That's correct, yeah. Probably after like three, four months when I can also see about how the, because I'm in the industrial sector, so that would be if I work with the company and maybe others as a contractor to see what the market like and if I fit into it. Mm-hmm.

Well, I would hate for you to come down here for one year and go back and have sold everything. Yeah. So I'm probably holding it all for the first year and renting it and maybe get some help, a property management firm to help you rent it. With that not being the long-term play, but let's get your probability locked in that you're not going back. Okay. I mean, if you're going to burn the ships and you're not going back no matter what, then you can just sell it all now.

But I think that your probability of knowing the market, getting a comfort level, you know, in terms of plugging into your career, that kind of stuff, if it takes you a year to do that in this first year of your contract, it feels kind of wise to hold off for one year and then sell everything. What do you think? Yeah, that makes sense. But I have already worked for a couple of American companies, like 3M and ExxonMobil and stuff, but in the Netherlands and Belgium.

So I already have connections with them, and they offered me in advance. But, you know, I'd rather be sure than possible. That's why I said they gave me a contract for a year. But, yeah, that makes sense what you're saying. So, yeah. Well, Mohamed, the idea, too, just because this is such a major life change, I mean major, that if you can find any way to ease into it, then it's just going to reduce your stress

and it's going to give you that safety net and peace of mind. Because if you did burn the ships, move hair, et cetera, but you did want to go home, you almost might make the wrong decision or justify staying because you had nothing to go back to. This way, you're going to be able to look at it more objectively in a year and say, okay, do I want to stay? Am I ready to sell everything and say okay do I want to stay am I ready to sell everything there or do I want to go back and you've just got more options and we're just so big on on helping you guys have options um so you can make

the best best decision I love the idea of you easing into this where you can yeah I mean if you had taken a new job uh from you know inside the United States to inside the United States and you were moving and you were not coming back, then we sell everything. That would just be, so, I mean, you're moving from, I don't know, California to Texas, and you're not coming back. Then, yeah, you go ahead and sell the stuff. You don't hold long-distance landlording property as a long-term strategy.

This is a little different. Yeah, you don't know if you're going to like it. You're changing countries. Yeah. And somewhat you're changing cultures, at least some cultural differences. And so you're going to want to find that niche and get a comfort level before you liquidate all the hard work you've done to this point. And then when you sell it on, I don't know what your tax implications there in the Netherlands would be. I don't know anything about that, but certainly you would take that money and you can move it stateside

in terms of buying some investment properties and other things here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee that means even if you mismeasure or you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. With free samples, free shipping, and the new promos they

run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Brody in Alaska. I'm an 18-year-old entrepreneur and I'm starting college this fall. I started a residential painting company a few months ago. We paint exteriors and interiors and the business has really taken off quickly. I have one full-time employee and our success has been so great that we're turning down work. My take-home pay is $1,800 per week. Could you give me some advice on how

to grow my business quickly without burning myself out? Well, I'll tell you, Dave, the thing that jumps out to me about this question is the fact that he's 18 years old about to start college. So to me, that changes the answer a little bit because you're about to become a student. Whereas if this was your full-time gig, you're 30 years old and you just want to grow it, okay, we could talk about increasing your prices.

We could talk about hiring more staff and scaling in that way. But for Brody, I mean, your A1 is being a student. So it's not that we're going to ignore the business. I know a lot of college students that have a business in addition to being a student. I just wouldn't make that your top priority where you're sacrificing attending classes or doing homework because you're trying to lead a huge staff team. I don't think that that's the right priority at this stage. Yeah, if the only thing you do is make $90,000 a year while you go through four years of college. You're going to be okay.

Brody, that was pretty ambitious right there. You don't have to add ambition on top of that we're pretty impressed already dude you're freaking 18 years old you're making 1800 bucks a week yeah take home pay yeah yeah so seriously that's pretty impressive i don't think we grow this business uh i i would i would grow it only enough to maintain it yep um and And let's get through four years of school, and then maybe you go back and teach business at that college after you're done. Oh, my gosh. Because most of your professors in the business category have never made $1,800 a week running their own business.

So there you go. Wow. That's impressive. It's amazing. I love questions like that. What a kid, man. What a kid. I love it. All right What a kid, man. What a kid. I love it.

All right. Max is in Chattanooga. Hey, Max, how are you? Good. How are y'all? Better than we deserve. What's up? So I just had a quick question.

Right now, I currently have a truck payment that's about $400 a month, and I have about $6,800 left on it, and I have right now about $16,000 left in my savings. And I just recently had to move out of where I was living, where I was able to afford both the truck payment and my rent, and right now I'm living somewhere where I don't know if I'll be able to afford both of those, and I was just wondering if I should take the money out of my savings and just go ahead and pay the truck off. Well, why did you move somewhere you can't afford? Well, it's not that I can't afford it.

It's just that you can't afford it. Well, I don't know if I can afford both the truck payment and where I'm living currently. It was kind of a very last-minute thing, and I had to move in a couple of months. And this was about the only place that was available for me to move into. How old are you? 22. Okay. I'm calling BS.

You had a couple of months to make a decision, and you made a decision to rent a place you can't afford. You were not forced into this. You are not a victim of the real estate market in Chattanooga. You're a victim of how lazy you were when you were looking for a place to live. Yes. Well, we're on the same page, Max. We're on the same page. Hey, we love you, man.

I love you. So how much do you owe on this truck? You said you owe $6,000 on the truck. Yes, I'd pay it off today. What do you make of yours, sir? About $24,000 or $ you, man. I love you. So how much do you owe on this truck? You said you owe $6,000 on the truck. Yes, I'd pay it off today. What do you make a year, sir? About $24,000, $25,000. Okay. What do you do?

I work retail right now, and I'm going back to school next semester to finish out my degree. In what? Business management. Great. Good move. Very good call. Good. So here's what we're going to do.

I'm going to send you a copy of the book, The Total Money Makeover, to show you how to handle money while you're fighting your way through this. I'm proud of you. You're doing good stuff. Here's the trick, man. Don't let stuff happen to you on the money side. You happen to it. You have to make things fit your world. You don't cave to the circumstances around you or you will lose.

And that's what puts you in this position. So I've done it too. I know exactly how it feels. That's why I can pick on you. It continues to amaze me how identity thieves keep finding ways to use our own identities against us. Not only do they commit crimes related to financial fraud, medical ID theft, and insurance benefit fraud, but now we have to deal with home title fraud. Thieves are using your own personal info to take ownership of your home so they can take out loans,

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How are you guys doing? Great. What's going on? How can we help? So I have quite a few financial questions, but I'm going to stick with the one that I'm with right now. It's a 401k question, and I have seen and watched a couple of your videos with people who have about the same questions with using your 401k to pay off debt. And I know that it is not a good idea. I'm completely aware of it. I don't have a lot in my 401k.

So in my opinion, I don't feel like I'm taking that hard of it. And I know it will be because I think it takes like 30% out. I'm in the lower tax bracket. Basically, what I'm wanting to use it for is to purchase a vehicle that I don't owe any money on. I currently have a truck loan that I'm wanting to get sell it and then use what out of my 401k kind of what's left over after I purchase a vehicle to kind of pay off like the other little bit of debt that I do have. I have a total of $25,500 in debt and the majority of that is from my truck. How much of this is the truck?

It's $19,300. And how much is in your 401K? I only have $13,000. That's between, I have... So, Kelly, essentially what you're saying is this, okay? In order to execute my plan, I want to borrow $13,000 at 30% interest. Okay. That's what you're saying.

Now, you're not saying it directly, but that is the effect of your proposal. Okay. When the smoke clears. And that's why you've heard this call so many times as you've watched YouTube on the smoke clears. And that's why you've heard this call so many times as you've watched YouTube on the same subject. And here's what's happening. And I commend you for trying to figure out a way out of this because you've recognized the truck is the problem and it's got to go. And I really think you're very wise in that regard.

But what ends up happening is I know you because I am you. I see you in the mirror when I look in it. And we're people that we're rip the Band-Aid off people. Even if it hurts, I want to be done with it. Yes. And we have a tendency in making our financial decisions to let that color our decision. And we don't really – I have – I just – I did this stuff in my 20s, and I know exactly how – I know the feeling that you're like,

I just want to get this over with. Is that correct? Yes, yes, because I see it as hurting me more than I am, because all of my money is going to these loans, and I'm actually able to pay it. I would rather have it going towards saving. I would rather put that. It's a $400 a month payment.

Since you bought the truck, you've had a wake-up call, and that's in the rearview mirror, no pun intended. And you're looking back there and you're going, and I've got to clean this up now. But truthfully, I want you to find a more painful, slower way to clean this up that is more painful on the short term and less painful on the long term. Here's a principle for everybody out there. When it comes to money, if it feels good this week but bad over the period of a decade,

then it's the wrong decision. Right. And that's what this one is. It falls in that bucket. Because it feels good to cash this out and clean up all these bills and do all this other stuff. So what do you make a year? I'm actually basing it off of my husband's income because I just recently, within six months, have started a cleaning business. So I make, from the numbers that I pulled up within last month, I've made about $800 a month.

So I don't make much, maybe $700 a year or $7,000 a year. What does he make? About $24,000 a year. He brings in about a $480 paycheck every week. Gotcha. Now this truck is killing you then. How much is the truck worth? I Kelly Blue Booked it at $20,000. Oh, no oh no oh what did the lady tell me i just remember her

telling me don't ever go less than 15 000 um i i recently did a quote with car max and they told me that they would give me 17 for it so i mean i would only owe two grand on it and i know if you if you sell it if you sell it private, it'll bring enough to pay it off. Yes, that's where I'm going with this, Kelly, because there is a quicker path to where you want to get, and it doesn't involve sacrificing. But she don't have a car, then. But even if you got something in cash small, like $1,000, $2,000 car, do you have any savings, Kelly? I've got a little bit, not much. What's a little bit?

Which is crazy. How much is a little bit? $2,000. I have $2,000. a little bit um not much what's a little bit um which is crazy how much is a little bit two thousand or have two thousand dollars okay i want you to sell the truck for 19 and buy a two thousand dollar car okay and then i want you to work your butt off without the truck payment and being on a budget get your cleaning business going the great news is that you can actually make a lot of money in the cleaning business and Yes, you can. And you need more accounts. Yes, you can. Or you need to raise your prices or something. Because, oh, my goodness. I'm surprised that it's doing what it's doing within the six months. Oh, no, no.

You should have been doing that in month one. We're going to change that mindset. Kelly, if you'll stay on the line, we'll have Kelly here give you a ticket to our business boutique conference in October. It's October 14th through the 16th. We'll show you how to raise your prices. We'll show you how to market your business. We'll show you how to get customers and get more money that's going to help you pay off that debt. We do it every year, every fall. So you have how much debt, not counting the truck, only about $5,000, right? $6,000. Yeah, I've got a personal loan at $1,200

and then my credit card is $5,000. Okay. Yeah, sell the truck. I don't have a whole lot of debt. Sell the truck for enough to pay it off. Buy a $2,000 car and cut up your credit card. Get yourself on a tight budget. Hang on. Callie will pick up, and we're going to get you signed up for Business Boutique. In the meantime, we're also going to send you the Business Boutique book. And between now and October, I want you to double your income. And then when you come to Business Boutique, you can double it again

because you should be making $4,000, $5, four or five six thousand bucks a month in a cleaning business right now it's a it's a freaking gold mine it's the ultimate we just answered a question about this with the blinds.com from an 18 year old of of having a cleaning business that was a painting yeah oh i'm sorry you're painting sorry but i'm telling you this let me let me give you guys so this is this so when daniel my son who's a senior vice president here now and he's an old man with a baby and the whole bit now but when he was a kid we were remodeling doing some remodeling at our house and i was ready to kill him because they wouldn't show up yeah so we're driving down the street he's 14 years old and he goes uh dad i think i've decided what my career is i said what he goes i won't be a

contractor and i'm like why and he said it looks to me like there's no competition because all you have to do is show up when you said you were going to meet the price you said you were going to. Meet the price you said you were going to. And do good work. And he goes, none of those are rocket science. This is a 14-year-old. The bar is low. I'm just saying. You've got no competition in the maid service business. None.

And in the remodeling business or handyman business. I talked to a handyman the other day making $300,000 a year. You know what is so interesting, though, in the way that Kelly talked about that, even though it's just, I'm surprised. That I'm making 800. I'm surprised.

That's what I want to fix. The mindset. Oh, my God. People are giving me charity. They paid me 800. No, no, no. You're running a business serving the marketplace.

When you start changing your mind about your business, what it does, the money you can make, what you're worth, you will start seeing that money. But as long as you feel pitiful and act pitiful, the results you will get will be pitiful. And you've seen this, Dave. A lot of what I do through Business Boutique, whether it's at the conference or book or whatever, is changing the mindset because that's what changes the actions. This is a big syringe injecting courage. I do. It's my specialty. I saw you with it.

It's a big old courage syringe. And just makes you believe. Because it's funny. Once you think you're worth something, you sound stuck up, but you're not stuck up. It's confidence. You go do it. You go work. There's a lot of difference in confidence and arrogance.

Yes. Arrogance is you really aren't worth it. Confidence is you really are. Other than that, it's pretty much the same attitude. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Zach is in Omaha, Nebraska.

Hey, Zach, how are you? Got to be honest, been a little better. We got word today that my dad is probably not going to leave the hospital alive. So trying to figure out how to help my family through this a little bit more because there are, like, I know what you guys usually recommend, but they're not really plugged into you guys, and I'm trying to figure out how to guide them through the coming weeks. Oh, Zach, I'm sorry.

What's wrong with him? I think it's some kind of blood poisoning issue. I'm not 100% sure. Every time my mom gives an update, she writes like a book, so I've lost track of all the diagnosis going on. How old are you? How old is he? I'm 27.

My dad is 60. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Well, here's the thing. When you're facing something that's this emotional and this devastating, the more facts you have, most people it lowers our anxiety. Gathering the facts might temporarily increase some people's anxiety in the mix, but the overall family will be better if they have good solid facts. People are much more afraid of the unknown than they are of bad news.

And that would include the financial story that's here. Okay? The unknown is much more scary than even the known that i've got some struggles with okay that makes sense yeah that's kind of why i call because like my mom there's some financial things that will need taking care of right away and stuff like that but also like you usually tell people my mom needs time to just be able to sit there and cry and she's got my 14 year old brother living with her plus i i got a 23 year old brother who's living there with his wife and two kids and i know at the very least one of the things they want to do quickly is replace the house

because they live in a fallen apart old double white that even i don't really want my mom living in anymore because it's junk at this point. Yeah, okay. All right. So really there's three major categories or three buckets that we can address. The first one is do we know the list of things that they own and things that they owe? They owe, uh, the house we bought cash for like three grand and we remodeled it ourselves. There's a small construction loan with my dad's pickup as collateral. I don't know the exact amount. My mom won't tell me she has a Ford expedition. I, if I had to guess, I'd say at minimum 10,000 on that.

They got a couple credit cards. I don't know if they're current on payments or if they have some debt on those. Does your mom work outside the home? I think that's about it. Yeah, she does. The second bucket is to begin to put together a budget of how she will live if he doesn't come home financially? How's she going to eat, keep the lights on?

What's going to be the game plan with the monthly budget? What's the monthly budget look like if he doesn't come home? That's the second category. I'm going to guess roughly $3,000. Yeah. And then the third? Maybe. You said she works and earns what?

That's specifically her income. My dad was on disability for the last little bit. I don't know if she's going to get any financial. I don't know if he's got life insurance. I don't believe he does. I think he lost it when he lost his job like six years ago. So let me help you with this. All three answers to all three buckets

so far is i don't know okay i don't know what they owe she won't tell me i don't know what it takes for her to live and how much she has coming in towards that and i don't know if there's any life insurance so i go back to my original statement. Would you agree with me, Zach, that not knowing is more scary than knowing? Admittedly, yeah. I guess that was kind of the point I was going to try to get at with this question. Those are pretty educated guesses, so my answers are somewhere around the numbers I gave. But I don't know, and my mom's pretty stubborn about telling me anything related to finances as if she's trying

to do it on her but like she seems to feel like she needs to do it on her own to an extent and i'm trying to figure out how to let her know you're not alone and i know i've screwed up with my finances but i'm i've learned a lot and i want to at least help a little bit. Yeah. Okay. Why don't you just say that? You're not alone. I know this is scary, and I know you're a strong, independent woman.

Would you allow me to be a shoulder you can lean on for a short period of time, and let's walk through putting together a plan to where you can operate on your own, but I'll help you develop the plan. Okay. And if she responds to that with a stiff arm, there's nothing you can do then. You can't help people who won't accept the help, even your own mom. Your little brother needs to get a job and move out today. He's a burden. He's not a blessing.

Not the 14-year-old, the 23-year-old with a wife living in a trailer with his mother. To be fair, he does have a job. Why they won't move out, I will admit, I don't know. Yeah, I just said what he needed to do. I didn't give a reason why, other than it's ridiculous. Yeah, and so this is not a blessing. It's a curse. It's a problem.

But again, none of these people are required by law to take your input or mine. And so it's very difficult to insert yourself forcibly into an adult who has legal rights into their situation without their permission. The one thing I want to throw in there, zach is um these next few weeks and months are going to be so hard on all of you all if you offer to help once and she says no you can keep offering it does not hurt to come back around two weeks and be like hey i'm here but what i hey i'm here but what i don't want you to do is to try to help a where you're not welcome or b where you have incomplete information or cooperation yeah if she says i'm not doing that then you go okay yeah but but if if she may come around she may come around a couple weeks after trying to do it herself and she wants help but

might be too proud to ask for it and if you're there going hey i'm here if you if you need someone i'm here you know would love to walk with you in this and then she may be more receptive the other thing zach um and and dave talked about Dave talked about this, but your brother may not listen. We can talk to him. You want to help your mom? Talk to him and get him out. You are exactly what you said, Dave. You are a burden.

You need to be on your own. You need to get your own place. It's going to make it a lot easier to take care of mom and help mom if you're not having to deal with all that table mess. You and said wife need to be working 60 hours a week and being on your own. And then me and my wife, me and myself are going to help mom as well to the extent mom will let us. Yeah. But we're not going to be a burden on her anymore. And, you know, and it sounds like some stuff's going to have to be sold to clean up the mess.

Would you, you know, and it's a dumpy place and they want to get out of there, sell it, and go rent something. But go rent a little two-bedroom apartment for her and your little brother, and that'll give your older brother or your middle brother a reason to leave because there's not a place for them at the new place. But again, your mom, if she's going to stiff arm you and play the tough independent i don't need help uh john wayne routine there's nothing you can do all you can do is what christy said just continually say i'm here when you want help i will tell you what will drive her nuts and you nuts is either you forcing yourself into a situation where you're not welcome or she gives you only a little bit of

information and you try to act on that and so you're playing around the edges and you can't really get to the core of the problem and that's not going to do anything but frustrate her and you so if you if you're going to help it needs to be all in if you're going to stand on the sidelines it needs to be all the way on the sidelines. And that's the best way you can help her and serve her in this situation. I'm so sorry you guys are facing this. What a scary time for your family. Just lots of hugs and lots of grace because people don't always act right when they're under this much stress. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly,

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