The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Make Extra Income on the Side? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where we help you win in your life. We want to help you win with your money, win in your relationships, and win at work. And if you're not winning in any one of those areas, it's going to start to affect all the others. Dr. John Deloney is with me. I'm Ken Coleman. Thrilled to have you with us. 888-825-5225 is the phone number to jump in.

888-825-5225. All right. Is that Minot or Minot? I like to say things right. We'll see. Elijah is with us in North Dakota. I've got to get to the bottom of it. Is it Minot or Minot?

It's Minot. Minot. I didn Minot or Minot? It's Minot. Minot. I didn't even... Minot. It's option C. You're wrong. I thought I was hooked on phonics, John. I thought I was hooked on phonics.

Not today. All right, Elijah, how can we help? Okay, this is kind of a very strange situation. So I'm 23 years old. I work out here in the oil field. I make $26 an hour, 12-hour days, week on, week off. I have about nine hours of free time while I'm at work. I'm a well watcher.

I basically pretty much get numbers every hour or every three hours. Pretty much my total amount of labor throughout the day equates to about three hours of work. I don't have anybody down my throat. So I basically just have a bunch of free time just sitting in my pickup doing nothing, really. And my question is, how do I use my time in the internet to increase my income while I'm out here? Jobs look really scammy online. And I know there's a lot of different avenues I can pursue. And it's kind of got me in a state of paralysis by analysis. And I would like your guys' input on what you would do

specifically in this situation. All right, let's start with, you've got all these ideas. What are the top two or three that interest you? I feel like the most scalable option is trying to get a following through social media. And I also know that with any sort of endeavor I go into money-wise, I need to have marketing and sales, which I am developing my skills in. All right. So hold on, hold on, hold on. I want to crystallize these ideas, okay? So one of your ideas to make extra money in the nine hours you're sitting in the truck is social media, which means you've got to build that up to a certain point.

By the way, that's pretty public. Would your bosses, if they saw that social media channel, would that cause you a lot of heartache and even make you lose your job? I don't think so. I mean, I have posted videos out here, and he has viewed my account, so I don't think so, especially if I was getting traction. But that's not going to make a lot of money right away. So what's the other idea?

Right, right. That's exactly my thing. What's another idea? The only thing I could think of is, like, maybe e-commerce or, like, some sort of freelancing, but I also like don't have any really skills, but now everything seems to be, again, very scammy. Like I've went around trying to apply for jobs and every, like I've applied to a bunch of them and it seems like people are just trying to get my information and take my money.

All right. So here's the deal. That's right. If I were you and I want John to take, I want him to say what he would do. If I were you, and I want John to take, I want him to say what he would do. If I were you, I got nine hours in the truck. So I'm essentially going to have to make money off my phone. And I was scrolling. And my laptop. Okay, great. Your laptop as well.

So I'm looking at not things that require scam, but things that I completely control. So the resale industry is not a scam. You know, so for instance, if you're buying stuff on that week off, so you're one week on, one week off. I interviewed a couple several years ago on my show that they started doing flea marketing and garage sales. They would go buy stuff.

So for instance, they'd go buy a leather bag for two bucks from a garage sale because they knew what it was and they would clean it up, whatever. And then they would turn around and sell it for 20. Okay. And so they just kept doing this for about two years and then they got pretty good at it. And then the husband started making YouTube videos documenting what they did. And now the guy makes, you ready for this? $1.5 million a year off their YouTube channel talking about flea marketing flipping. Wow.

Flea market flipping or garage sale flipping. So they are just simply going to the work. And so I don't want to hang that idea on you, but I would be thinking, what can I do in my week off that would enhance my nine hours in the truck from an e-commerce standpoint? So that's the only idea I have. But I know in the week off off I could be going buying stuff, fixing it up, listing it, and I'm checking on it and all that stuff in the car. That's just one idea,

because you're limited to what you can do, but I don't want you thinking that you just have to have a scam. Elijah, here's my thought, and maybe I'm out to lunch here. In an average football game an nfl game i'll sit down and watch three or four hours of a game right there's actually 18 to 20 minutes of actual activity happening on that field over those three or four hours the rest is timeouts planning calling plays lining upides. There's only 18

minutes of those four hours where there's actually men running up and down the field trying to catch a ball or hit each other. But that doesn't mean the other three and three-quarter hours are a waste of time. They're all part of the strategy of the game. My question to you is, you're watching wells and you're supposed to go take measurements. That doesn't mean, even though your job is boring, even though your job is dreadfully

boring, that a big part of your job isn't making sure the well doesn't blow. Yeah. I am watching millions of dollars worth of equipment. that is your job i think the bigger question here is you've got a very boring job and you don't like it yeah that'll burn somebody out quick everybody told you it's a great job dude you can get a job in the oil fields and i'm from west texas so i i've it's very similar yeah, it's a great this and it's a hazardous, exhausting, boring, lonely job

most of the time. No, exactly. I'm actually out here by myself. Yes, it's my night. Oh, that's worse. So either, like Ken said, you get really good at doing work during your off week, which I think is really wise.

It's a 23 year old without a family without kids without mortgages it's just i i do have a fiance and actually a three-week-old child oh well my bad then so now you've we got a little less time now yeah um but you're working you're working 24 7 365 for the next few years but i'd have a hard conversation with myself with my wife um or my future wife about where we're going to be what we want to do and i might take those eight hours that you're not working and say okay if i have to get qualified for something i want to get into marketing i want to get into another thing you can do education in your truck from your computer while also watching

the wells and that way if your boss ever comes out and goes are you running another business on the side you could say no sir i'm getting a degree to make me a more valuable right and then you wake up in a year and a half you got 26 bucks an hour you've worked on the weeks off on your on your on off weeks and you got it you got a qualification to go get the next thing for you yeah but you hate your job dude you hate your job and so i don't want you to scam on your boss just because you took a boring job. I think you need to do it right. That's just my two cents. Yeah, the conflict of interest is a real thing.

But if you're just sitting there, you know, I think that's... You guys will sell stuff on eBay too, right? Yeah, but I agree with John. I think the answer you're looking for is where do I want to be 20 years from now and how do I use the nine hours to get me there? I agree with that.

But there's other ways to make money too. So really good stuff. Congrats on the baby. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. So excited that you are with us. My name is Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me and we are here for you this hour.

888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Today's question of the day is sponsored by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Before the weather warms up, Neighborly can help you find local service pros like the Grounds Guys, Five Star Painting, and Mosquito Joe. i'd like to meet mosquito joe feels like that guy'd be a fun guy to have a cocktail i think that guy's right there joe at the board joe hankin will for now you're gonna be now mosquito joe uh and you might need

mosquito joe to turn your outdoor space into your favorite place find the help you need at neighborly.com slash ramsey today all right right, today's question comes from Samantha in Iowa. Samantha writes, we are in a predicament. We earn about $300,000 a year, and both my husband and I are at the top of our careers. We're cruising along in baby steps four, five, and six. The problem is our kids are miserable after our move here a couple years ago, and they're begging to move back to friends and family in Washington. Our pay will be similar to slightly lower, but the living expenses will be much higher. Do we make our kids suck it up, or should we suck it up? We don't want to be the reason our kids are unhappy or resent us in the future.

Wow. This has got some layers to it yeah it does what do you think ken oh man let's see you're having me go first and you're the psychologist um all right i'll go first no no no no i'm gonna accept the challenge all right i'm gonna accept the challenge um this is a tough one i'm real real-time in this one, okay? I don't have a set answer here. Yeah. I'm 50-50 on this.

I'm 50%. You know, you move the kids, and this is just a place, for whatever reason, they don't like. And if we were to take this question face value, it sounds like all of them are in kind of unison. We don't like living here. I certainly understand missing the friends. And so you go, man, there's a real life resentment here that we got to think about. And if the kids are saying, hey, we just don't like living here, that weighs on me a little bit. It doesn't sound superficial.

But the other 50 is kind of going, going look you're the parents and you're raising them and you give them life gave them life you're sustaining their life you guys made this decision it was best for the family financially at the time it looks like uh you made some career moves and it took you to iowa now uh that's that's where I'm 50-50, and I know it sounds like a politician on a Sunday morning show. I think I'm going to go my heart here, and I'm going to tip it and go 60-40, and I would go back because they're in baby step four, five, and six. They're projecting their income is going to be just slightly lower, and I'm going, that's's limiting i think that may be short term anyway and cost of living when you're four five and six that's why we teach this process you can absorb things that people that are broke cannot

so gosh yeah let's say you're 300 like man our cost of living is that is that 1500 square feet difference or is it 500 square? You know what I mean? Like, what are we not doing? I think I choose my kids on this one. Is that too soft? No. I don't know.

I may regret it. What I would do ahead of time, often this conversation when it comes up with children is they are experiencing, they are absorbing. I say this often, they are absorbing the tension in their home. And what they miss is, yes, they have friends and family. They've got those faces. They've got those names. They've got those memories. But often what a kid is remembering is that, and if you guys move to a new town, y'all at the top of your careers, y'all are working all day, your kids may be sensing that tension in the home. Y'all may not have been as intentional about friends,

people coming over and developing relationships and getting involved in little league games and stuff like that because you're at the top of your careers. And so I would invest in, if Iowa is the place that you and your wife or you and your husband think this is for us, I would give it six months

to really double down and try to make a home in Iowa are we involved in games in sports, do we have people in our house every single week, are we involved in a local church well hold on a second, and I love where you're going so it actually says it was a couple years ago

they've been in Iowa a couple years I'm wondering if they moved to Iowa, started their jobs, dropped the kids off in school, and said, let's go make it. Oh, you're saying six months of a new rhythm or something? Of a new rhythm in their home. Yeah. What if, okay, I love that. What if the kids just don't like where they live in Iowa?

Yeah, then I think you have to ask the question, like if this is where our job is, this is where our job is. If this is where y'all are choosing to live because y'all want to like squeeze another we get to get a house with a pool instead of just a regular house go back to the regular house where your whole family has peace that's where i'm leaning right okay i didn't know i didn't know that i could defend it i i felt my way through that one yeah but but mainly it's it feels gross if it's if we're all going to be miserable because look at the car in the driveway. That's where I was going. The kids are very unhappy.

They're barometers for your home. But we're going to make slightly more money in our cost of living. Like groceries are cheaper in Iowa. We know that. Gas is cheaper in Iowa. You're making $300. You're going to go to $290. You're going to be fine.

Ain't nobody going to – you're going to be fine. Right? Yeah. I'm staring at my first kid leaving. Yeah Ain't nobody against you're going to be fine. Yeah. Right. I, yeah. I'm staring at my first kid leaving. Yeah. He's an 18 year old senior. Yeah. And I mean,

nobody wants to hear me say it, so I won't. Yeah. But it's, Oh yeah, man, it's tough. The clock is ticking.

Yeah, it is. And I just, that's kind of where I'm leaning. Last year after spring break, my wife looked at me cause I missed most of it. I was out speaking somewhere and she said, Hey, we got five i mean she said you got five more with hank and then he's gone

and then he doesn't come home for spring break and it was just this like what you know i mean so yeah the clock is ticking ticking ticking but i get a sense between the lines here this is a family that moved somewhere look how much money we're going to make and did not do the work to invest in the local relationships to get plugged into the community where the landing was softer for the kids right because kids are so resilient and they pick up new relationships all over the place that's very good that's a good point yeah it's a very good point and it also could be a season of life that the kids are in too which makes it a little bit harder.

They may come through the storm. I want to tell you something right now. Our last one is about to finish middle school, and it can't happen fast enough. I hate middle school. And I don't remember having a bad middle school experience. Mine's about to finish middle school, and I don't ever want it to end. No, I love it.

I love all of it. I love the awkwardness, the goofiness, all the kids coming over, the squeaky voices. I love every second of it all. I wasn't ever want it to end. No, I love it. I love all of it. I love the awkwardness, the goofiness, all the kids coming over, the squeaky voices. I love every second of it all. I wasn't talking about that part. I'm talking about what it's like for these kids, the environment. Oh, it's hell.

I'm talking about that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not talking about the kids themselves. Oh, I'm just talking about for me. Although, I would like to have you revise that answer. I'd like to bring that back up after Josephine goes through it. Nope. Thank you very much.

She will not go to middle school. She's going to skip it and go directly to college. Not a bad idea. All right. Let's see here. Let's go real quick to Clay. I think we can get to Clay. Clay, you're on the Ramsey Show. How can we help? Yes, sir. How are you today? We're good. We've got about a minute and a half, unfortunately. Let's see if we can help you. Can you hit us with your question? Oh, yeah. So I am 28. I am debt-free. The house I'm living in is paid off.

My car is paid off. I make a little under $30,000 a year, and I want to move from Lafayette, Louisiana, to Denver, Colorado. And I was wondering if it was smarter for me to rent a place first for a year while I put my current home on the market and search for another home in the meantime, or do I just go ahead and buy myself a place outright out there? Even if you didn't have a home, it would be smart to rent, moving to a new state, just getting a lay of the land where the grocery stores are,

where the weather is, where your friends are going to end up, where your church is going to end up. So, yeah, you're moving across the country into a new state. I would rent six months or a year just to get the lay of the land, figure out where I even want to live. Absolutely. Yeah. And the bonus to that advice is you get your house sold in Lafayette and you're done and you got the money saved up. We want you to use that 20% down payment is what we'd like to see, the 15-year mortgage, the whole deal. And so take your time.

And just to back John up, when we moved here with three kids, we had come from a home that we had been in for 11 years. And we rented for two. And we rented here in Nashville too. Yeah. And I don't regret it. No. We knew then that we wanted to drop stakes where we did, and that was very helpful. So I think that's great advice. Love it. Check out Denver though. Check out that Denver news. Check out those headlines. I'm just going to leave it at that.

It's in the news a lot. And to think about where we move and why we're moving, because that stuff matters. All right. We got to take a quick break. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back, America. You're joining the conversation here on The Ramsey Show. So excited that you are with us. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney is with me. Let's get to Sarah in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

Sarah, how can we help? Hi. My husband and I are facing a relocation coming up and the plan is to build a house. And I'm just trying to figure out what we can afford. We've kind of gotten pretty far into the process where we put down a 5% down posit to the builder of $50,000. And that was on Tuesday. And we have nine days to pull out and get all of our money back. And as I'm shopping around for mortgages, I'm getting cold feet because the interest rates are just so volatile right now. And I'm having a hard time to get a clear picture

of what's going on. And I'm just trying to figure out if you think that we can afford a million-dollar build. Okay. How much are you putting down? So initially we have to put 10% down because it's a construction loan. We have our house now that we're going to sell, and at the end of the construction loan, when we sell our house, we're going to put down somewhere between $500,000 and $550,000. Okay. And so what will your estimated mortgage payment be?

Well, they haven't factored in us making that overpayment. So without us putting down $500,000 to $550,000, it's looking at about $7,000 a month. What's your take home and that's that's including um that's including in um escrowing our taxes and everything yeah but here's the deal you can do a mortgage calculator you can do a basic mortgage calculator we probably we have one don't we we have one ramsay solutions ramsaysolutions.com you can actually do it yourself with the five hundred thousand you're putting down so essentially you're gonna you're gonna have a mortgage of 500,000 if I heard you correctly is that right or 400,000 yeah or was it 500 or 400 I said that it'll be about 450 or 500 depending on how much

you put down so then you just look at the interest rate and you play it out and so let's just assume that it's 7,000 a month if you got your taxes and everything else, you got to look at that. And my guess is that's way above your 25% of your take home. Am I right? If we don't put any money, so the 7,000 per month is without putting any money down. That would be like a jumbo mortgage. Okay. I'm confused. I apologize. What is it going to be if you only owe $450? I'm having a hard time getting a clear picture of that, but I think it's going to be if you only owe $450,000? I'm having a hard time getting a clear picture of that, but I think it's going to be somewhere around $4,000 a month. Okay. So what do you guys take home? So my husband brings home $325,000 a year and I'm a freelancer. And so it varies anywhere between $60,000 and $80,000 a year. Okay. So you know our formula, right?

Is it like 25% to a third of your income? 25% is the high end. It's the high end, right. We don't want you going above 25%. Okay. So you're giving me your gross numbers, not your take-home. So you've got to run the numbers on your take-home. Okay?

Okay. I think you're probably okay there. I'm not the best math guy. If you're making $325,000 plus $80,000, and you have a $400,000 mortgage, that's a no-brainer. That's fine. That's fine. Here's what I don't like. I don't like that for some reason your body is telling you to run from this.

That's right. Well, it's just, it's scary. I mean, it's just, we're very risk averse. Our current home, we only owe $20,000 on the mortgage. Why are you building a million dollar house? Okay, so my husband had a new job and that's another thing. It's a new job, it's a relocation. So we're still,

you know, getting our footing and trying to figure out what is the take home? What does it look like? Um, we are, it's an expensive area. My priority was the school systems and the school that I liked the best, um, just came with a very high price tag. Are you moving to Hilton Head? No. So we're in Hilton Head now, and we're moving to Metro Detroit area. Okay. Can I tell you something? I would rent.

I think John's right. There's a check in your spirits, a new job. There's a lot of unknown. I don't, and you owe so little on your current house, which means you're going to get a lot of equity. You're going to have a lot of cash to sit on when you sell it. I would rent. That's what Stacey and I did. So did John. That's what me and my wife did. John and Sheila did the same thing. I would not buy a house. Especially with kids. You don't know where your friends are going to live.

This is the issue. This is the issue is that the kids need to get into a school. They do. You can rent. You do realize that people that rent. But then we might have to change schools. No, no. If we decide we like this area. No, you can rent. And it's in a different school. No, no, no, no. Listen, you pick the school system. So I'm going to give an example. John knows exactly what I'm talking about. We chose Williamson County. Okay. There's surrounding counties here in this area. And we heard that Williamson counties were the best schools. So we said, all right, we're going to get in Williamson County public schools. What we did not lock in was neighborhood and house.

So what I'm saying is pick what is a really good school system and situation and then rent. But let me also say, how old are the kids? They're 8 and 10. Let me tell you, if a year from now you realize, ah, we want to be over here and that's a different school, trust me, 9 and 11-year-old, they'll be fine switching schools. Or they're going to roll into middle school here pretty quick. Right. Okay. You see what we're talking about, though?

We're trying to remove the risk that you're worried about, which I admire. I think you've got to check in your spirit for a reason. And here's the bigger picture. This isn't some random principles. This is what me and Ken did in our own it's absolutely true like this isn't us just making this up it's you're moving across the country there's so many variables and there's a lot of anxiousness because you're doing a lot of reading online emailing somebody knows somebody who knows

somebody who knows about the schools and there's just going to be a difference when you've lived there and gone to the grocery store experience that detroit winter you're just going to have a different understanding of no no we want to live over here right i i think in my mind it's just we want to make it feel like home like settled like we're not dragging our kids from one place to another kind of thing. And I, and I guess that's where. That's about you, not your kids, because listen, if you move into a million dollar house and, or you build a million dollar house and the job ends up being a little bit wonky and it gets scary and you've got to take more time and your kids come home every day from their new school, um, to a mom and a dad who are griping at each other, who are anxious, who are not sleeping, who are frustrated about money, that is not a safe, peaceful home. Right. You and your husband

are safe and peaceful. He is crushing it. You are crushing it. Y'all have half a million dollars in equity. Y'all can rent anywhere and the room is going to be filled with laughter because you don't owe anybody anything. Okay. See what I'm saying? Yeah. And you driving the kids here to there and all the craziness of life, ain't going to make any difference whether you're in a million dollar home or you're renting a place. Right. Home is going to, in this transition, home is going to be our mom and dad getting along and a mom or dad okay. Right. I would get the money out today. Your husband on board with this or is this just you? Well, he is on board with it. Um, I've been, I've been sort of spearheading a lot of this because his job is, is very demanding and

he, he travels a lot. He's been in Europe quite a bit. Um, and you know, I, I check in with him. I let him know what's going on and you know, we say one way or another and we agree. And, you know, I check in with him. I let him know what's going on. And, you know, we say one way or another and we agree. But, you know, he hasn't been as close to this as I have just because of circumstances. But the point is, is if you do this, there's no tension. If you go, hey, babe, I don't feel good about a million dollar bill right now. He's going to be, he's on the same page. Right. If you say, hey, I found an amazing, silly 6,000 square foot house that we're going to rent for, I don't know, 8,000 bucks a month, 10,000 bucks a month, and it's going to burn through $60,000,

but we're still going to have 500 grand after the sale of our house, and we're going to live nice, we're going to live silly while we figure out our new city, our new state, our new way of living. Okay. That's an obnoxious number, obviously, but I'm just trying to go to high. That's quite the recommendation. But you know what I'm saying?

You can still live a nice lifestyle. You're making great money. You don't owe anybody anything. Let's do this. Instead of you beating your head up against the wall about what about the house? What about this? And what, here's what I want the exercise. I want you to do. I want you to sit down with yourself for just a minute and ask yourself, what do I want my home to feel like four months after I've moved there, when my husband gets home and my kids walk in the

front door, what I want this home to feel like Laughter, warmth, silliness, fun. And then what do we have to do to get capture that feeling? That's your homework assignment for the next six months. Then you're going to find your big fancy dream home and you're going to be all right. Great stuff. Thanks for the call, Sarah. Excited for you guys in this next chapter. It's going to be okay, mama. Trust your gut. This is The Ramsey Show. Thanks for joining us here on The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me.

The phone number is 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. We'd love to hear from you. Phone lines are hopping today, so let's get back to them. Jessica joins us in Valdosta, Georgia. Jessica, how can we help? Hi, thank you so much for taking my call. I'm so excited to talk to you guys. Well, we're excited to talk to you.

What's happening? Basically, single mom, older boys. I have 22, 20, and 17-year-old boys. I'm in the middle of baby step two, hoping to have the rest of my debt paid off this summer. And we'll quickly have my emergency fund and partial mortgage down payment fund after I sell my home this summer for a move. So my youngest son will come with me. But that being said, I'm struggling with my older two boys having to move out of the house. And at the same time, my 75-year-old dad, who also is leaning on me after being a little irresponsible with his retirement money. So I'm trying to figure out a balance to start my life fresh, secure my financial future, leave a legacy for my boys,

and still balance like older children and a dad who are all depending on me to support them. Where's these boys father? He is local, but not so much in the picture. So I'm pretty much the sole support and have been, um, for about four years since the divorce. So all the boys live with me and they have since we moved into this house about four years ago. So you've got a 22, a 20, and a 17, and you're moving away. How far away are you moving? I'm moving to North Carolina from Georgia, so really excited. And my youngest will come with me and finish school there.

Sure. Is this for a job? No, I met a wonderful man, and we've been doing long distance for about a year and a half, and I'm moving closer to him. I work remotely, so my job is very flexible, and I'm able to live at any location and still stay in my job. So I'm very, very excited. What are 22 and 20-year-old going to do? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

I have tried to help them the best that I can. They have had paid-for vehicles that we paid for in cash. I've, you know, kept a roof over their head so they can finish college if they choose to do so without having to go into any debt. My oldest graduated about 18 months ago with a computer science degree, but he tells me that he can't find a job. So he works part-time at a big box store here locally. He's never had a full-time job and I have tried to help him find apartments. We've done mock budgets, like the whole nine yards, and there's just no drive there. Hey, Jessica, Jessica, you know why? Yes. I spent my whole career working with this age group

you know why why he doesn't have to yeah he doesn't have to with everything he doesn't have to he's got an amazing mom who is still feeling guilty over this divorce four years ago who's still every day trying to make sure his her boys are okay because she's not fully okay yet it's so true i i got he's he's he's he doesn't have to you know you know why john i want to see john says on this jessica but drive drive i've been reading something about drive all right what drives us this is healthy or unhealthy and this is in your lanes I'm curious how you think but but when we when kids don't have any need there's nothing to drive for right you yeah you you achieve because you have to he needs to just fly I mean now's the time to kick him out of the nest and watch his drive appear our

friend Henry cloud dr. cloud says he would tell you sounds like your boys need some problems. Yes. That's what he would say. That's great. And here's the beautiful thing you have that most parents in your situation don't have. You have an end date coming up. Most parents have to have this conversation

and they're staying in the same house, sleeping in the same bed. You get to sit down with each one of your boys and I would do it individually and then I would do it together because individually they're going to sit down with each one of your boys and i would do it individually and then i would do it together because individually they're going to go talk to each other and they're going to make up stuff that you didn't really say but i would sit down with each one of them individually and say come march 15th i'm moving and you're going to be getting your own place i don't even

know i know i know it's time bird. It's time to fly. I'll love you forever. I'll always love you, but it's going to be your time. I've tried to have those conversations and the response I got from my oldest was, this is why I'm not having kids because parenting doesn't stop just because we turn 18. Listen, hold on. Why have you given this knucklehead a key to your integrity? Yeah. You know that's not accurate what he just said. Oh yeah, I've given them all I can. Yeah, he said that because it worked and you were like, you're right, you can stay. Right? It was so manipulative. You know what you should have said? Of course, I don't mean this this way sorry you're amazing but but but you know what we want to say to him collectively is going you know what i think you're actually right you're right you know what you're on your own pal yeah

you shouldn't have kids i'll see you at christmas yeah and jessica that's really hard i know i know that's hard but let me flip it around on you um you. Can I just be super direct and kind of mean? Yeah, please. It is cruel that you are continuing to string this 22 to 23-year-old man along. Yeah. He doesn't understand how the world works, and every day this goes on, it's crueler and crueler and crueler. The greatest gift you can give him is that he has to go learn how to pay rent and an electric bill and his car insurance. Okay. And that's the gift. And actually search for a computer job because tech jobs are everywhere. Everywhere. I mean, he wouldn't want to spend five minutes

with me. I'd have him in a mental pretzel with all of the paths and opportunities. I'll give you his cell number. No, I'll tell you what you can do. I'll tell you what you can do. You can show him this YouTube clip, and he can watch it. We're talking about him, and we're for him. But listen, he's just a big old baby. And I don't mean like in a mean sense. I literally mean he doesn't know what it's like to suffer,

to actually suffer the way you have suffered on his behalf. He needs some hardship. I love that, Henry. Say that Henry Cloud thing one more time. He said, it sounds like your boys need some problems. That's beautiful. I could never in a million years say it that good. Well, and Jessica, you're going to have to open your hands and let the divorce go.

Actually, that I've really healed from. Have you? Hold on, hold on. Have you? I really have. What is the connection with these boys? I think because we don't have a large family and everybody's kind of scattered.

And really, I feel like I was the only support for them for a really long time. So even when I was married, I feel like I was the majority of the support for them. So there's just this part of me that like, you know, if they move on and I haven't protected them well enough, do you see what I'm saying? That they have no one. So I guess that's part of my fear. And then on the opposite side, then I have my dad who divorced from my mom a few years ago. Again, that family portion is a bit strained. And so my dad was close to me. So now

he has simultaneously with everything with my boys, gone through about $400,000 of retirement money and just called me last week and has nothing. He made some poor choices and has taken a second mortgage out on his home. And we can call it dating younger women who were about 35 years younger than him. And there's an instance where he called last week where they're $10,000 worth of charges on his debit card that were not from him. And I'll tell you the same thing I told you that Dr. Cloud would tell him. He needs to get some problems. He's going to have to make some phone calls.

This is not your mess to clean up. You can't clean it up. Well, he's got a problem. He's been playing the role of sugar daddy, and you don't have enough sugar. I mean, that's the fact. When I said, Dad, you know, this can't continue. I really don't know how I can help you. I'm trying to, you know, manage things on this end.

And he said, well, I think we switched roles. You're the parent and I'm the child. No. So he's a grown man. I don't accept. Yeah. Wow. I don't accept that role.

I'm trying to, you know, like I see Dave do the little comparison of baby steps and what about Bob. Love the freaking movie. Seen it a million times. But like there's a part where he's sailing and he's terrified of the water and he's tied to the front of the boat. You know what I'm saying? Yes. And he's like, I'm sailing, I'm sailing. I remember.

I feel like everybody has me tied. Like, dude, I want the ropes gone. I want to own the boat. I want to pull the boat up to the dock that I own and then walk my happy butt and sit on the boat. Well, now there's the speech. That's it. Why don't you just keep saying that to yourself for the next hour? But here's the deal. You keep tying the knots to the ropes. I'm tying them.

You're the one tying. Oh, wow. What an interesting situation. Wow. Well, thanks for the call. Good hour, Dr. John Deloney. Thanks to James Childs, our fearless leader, the guys, the merry band of fellows behind the glass. This is The Ramsey Show. Bye.