The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Re-Establish Trust With My Son? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. He's also the host of the Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. He's also the host of the Dr. John Deloney Show on podcast, and it is exploding! Hockey stick up and to the right. The numbers are scary. It's probably surprising to some of your friends how popular you are.

It's distressing. It's distressing. The answering questions about life and about relationships and we'll throw those in with the money questions today folks since he's sitting here beside me we both like getting into the boundary questions and the questions about spouses and relationships and crazy brother-in-laws and all that crap and the phone number is Number's 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Let's start with Maria this hour in Chicago. Hi, Maria.

Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Very excited to talk to you. Thank you so much. Sure. My question is this. It's going to be, well, I guess I'll ask the question first, and then I'll give you the background. Okay. Is it financial, just financially speaking, not regarding how I feel about homeownership,

just financially speaking. I'm 58 years old. I have no debt. I have fully funded emergency fund. I have fully funded retirement, both Roth and 401k. How much? I own my, how much is in it? There's about a million in it.

Okay. Cool. Good for you. Well done. Between the, between the both. I raised my four kids. They're all out of college. I'm single and I, my home, home's worth about 350 and I paid it off.

It's paid off. Okay. Taxes are really high. Taxes are really high in Illinois. I heard the rumor. Okay. But anyway, so I think I want to downsize because I don't need my house anymore. Cool.

And I'm not, so I would go to like a townhouse. Okay. So just financially speaking, would it be a really bad idea for the next 30 years for me just to rent. And the reason why I asked that is because in my heart, I've had so much responsibility in my whole life, raising my four kids, keeping up with my house. I wouldn't mind just writing a check every month and just be done. And, uh, but everybody's telling me like, financially speaking, you could sell your house to three 50, go buy something for three 50 or less. I'm like, but then i thought you know then i gotta worry about the house again the windows the roof the gutters that all that you know

the question makes sense no yeah it makes a lot of sense i understand so uh did you raise your kids by yourself you're a single mom for the most part i mean i was divorced when they were very very young he was he was so for 20 years for 20 years you've been a sheer she-bear out here fighting scratching clawing and you've cleaned the gutters you've done whatever it took and you're just tired yes i work overtime every month at work yeah sure i was yeah i thought you were that girl house in time i thought you were that girl you sound like that girl you sound like a warrior a warrior princess um so uh well let's first answer your question then let's try to look for a solution okay the problem with your the good part about your theory is you don't have to screw with stuff because the landlord does so you get all this

stuff out of your life the bad part about this is think about what rents have done in the last 30 years. Gone up. Gone up. You think? And think about what they're going to do during the 30 years that we're talking. So if you rent instead of owning a paid-for property going into retirement, you're destabilizing your life because every year your housing cost is going to go up. True. Can I throw something else at you?

Yep. instead of riding the wave. Can I throw something else at you? Yep. Okay, so I put down on paper, because this has been stressing me out. I put down on paper my taxes versus all my bills in my house. Oh, I think you need to move. Okay, but I even projected costs if I was in a townhouse. Yeah, here's what I want you to do. Here's what I would do if you were my little sister and you're old enough to be my little sister okay

not your older sister no i'm 60 so i got you beat but the uh but so uh i would tell you you don't want to work on crap and you don't want crap breaking and you are a millionaire. So you need to go buy a brand new condominium where someone does all the exterior maintenance and every appliance and everything inside is brand freaking new. You earned it. You're a rock star and you need to enjoy a little bit of this money. And it's like buying a really nice car that's in really good shape after you've been driving a freaking beater and it breaks like buying a really nice car that's in really good shape after you've been

driving a freaking beater and it breaks down all the time and you know my cars don't break down now back when i had crap cars because i was trying to get here they broke down all the time but you're a warrior girl and you need to you need to enjoy the spoils of the battles that you have won and that's a million dollars and a $350,000 paid-for house. You're worth a million and a half dollars. I want you to sell this house. I want you to buy a $350,000 condo. You may want to move to an area that probably might feel a little bit like it's a little too richy-rich for you,

but you need to live there anyway. Wow. Wow. Okay, I'll think about this. Thank you. Very good information. What do you think, John? Yeah, I think that transition, when you're a single mom, when you're raising kids and you're putting them through college

and you're saving and you're working and you're doing overtime, it's kind of like being gazelle in tents for 20, 30 years, and suddenly your identity is, I'm a sprinter, I'm a fighter. That's what I do. And how do you settle back down? You could hear it like, man, for someone who's accomplished what she's accomplished, the fact that this decision's keeping her up means it's not about this decision.

It's about, I've got to shift gears and become something else. That's a big, big transition. What do you do when you come home from a 20-year campaign on the road with alexander the great and you're one of his soldiers after 20 years how do you stop fighting and scratching you will pick fights with your neighbors with your dog how do you stop you know and so you know and that's what she is. She's a warrior princess. That's right. And so these single moms, man, they get her done. These are some of the toughest people on our planet. And so, yeah, that's who she is.

And she's kind of telling herself good things, like, I deserve a rest. That's right. And, Dave, we talk a lot about people making decisions out of stress or out of um anxiousness that's very similar to making decisions out of exhaustion i'm just i'm done i'm out right i just want to i know the math is bad i know it's going to destabilize me 20 years from now i'm exhausted i don't want to fix anything i'm exhausted i don't want to talk to any more freaking repairmen i've talked to people who get divorced because I'm just tired of it. Right?

So I love your idea of, man, right now it feels good. It's not going to be good down the road. No, it's a bad long-term plan. Yeah, I would buy something brand. And investigate the builder and make sure it's an incredibly high-end, high-quality builder so you are living in a luxury situation in terms of the service you're going to be provided as well as the goods love it you've earned it you're a millionaire way to go this is the ramsey show No matter what time of year it is, focusing on your family's financial plan is always a smart move.

I get questions all the time about where to start and what to do first. One of the most crucial and affordable first steps to take is to protect your family and get term life insurance. I know it's not glamorous, but all the other steps mean a lot less if something happens to you and your family has no financial protection. Getting term life insurance needs to be a top priority. I recommend 10 to 12 times your income and lock in rates for 15 to 20 years.

This gives you plenty of time to get out of debt and build wealth. I've been recommending Zander Insurance for over 20 years, and they understand and live this strategy, and will take the time to help you find the most affordable term life rates. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. It's not that expensive, it's not complicated, and you need to do it now. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

Katrina is in Detroit. Hi, Katrina. How can we help? Hey, super nervous to talk to you guys. My question is, I recently just got engaged, and I would like to start planning for our wedding, but the problem is I'm a hot mess and in debt. So I want to be responsible while still trying to pay off debt and not get further into debt, but also still plan a good wedding.

Good for you. So any tips or advice for trying to get a good budget number and how to move forward, as well as talking to my now fiancé of how we want to tackle debt after we get married. Okay. What do you make a year? Around $70,000. What does he make a year?

Around $30,000. Okay. And how much hot mess debt have you got? $105,000. And that's in what? A little bit of everything. Hospital, credit cards, student loans. What's the big one?

Student loan? Student loans. How much? Yep. 78. 78. How much do you owe on the car? No car.

No car. Okay. So credit cards, student loans, and other miscellaneous crap is the other $20,000-odd. Yep. Okay. How old are you? 27. I had to think about it.

What do you do for a living? I'm sorry, say that again. You're how old? 27. 27, okay. 27. Okay. What do you do for a living?

Research. You're a researcher? Okay. Okay. Good. Yes. Okay. Okay.

So what do you think the budget ought to be for the wedding? You're paying for 100% of it, right? Correct. Okay, the two of you. Mom and dad aren't helping. Yes, correct. Okay. I was thinking around $20,000, but as soon as I start thinking towards $20,000,

I'm like, that's a student loan I could pay off. So I wanted to get a firm, good number that I can just say, this is what we're planning. We're just going to sunk fund it, and this is what it is. And then just move forward from there. All right. The average wedding in America last year was $28,000. That means that a considerable number of people spent more than that,

and a considerable number of people spent a lot less than that. The average household income in America last year was right around 60 000 so the typical family is spending a maximum or an average of half of their annual income on a wedding but they don't have a hundred and five thousand dollars worth of debt hanging over their head either necessarily and some of those mom and dad are paying for it so we have to factor all of that stuff in but that's just some numbers to keep into consideration okay got a lot of young people in my building here uh a lot of them getting married every year while they're trying to get out of debt so they face the exact same equation you have and i have personally attended many many many wonderful weddings in

the ten thousand dollar and under range okay perfect so i'm making this up i'm just throwing out some numbers there so i threw out 28 i threw out 10 you threw out 20 you make you got a household income when you're married of a hundred but you got a hundred and five thousand dollars hanging over your head so that's affecting this decision the beauty of your question is once you make this decision you set a wedding budget you stick to it a full breakdown you run a wedding like it's a project for research okay and uh then you can stick to it it's not going to randomly happen in other words in other words if you say we're going to spend $12,500. I don't care.

I just made that number up. Then you have to decide, okay, how much on the reception? How much on the videographer? How much on the location? How much are we going to put into how many groomsmen and bridesmaids and gifts? And, you know, you've got to line item out this budget because your biggest item in most weddings is the reception budget wise i've i've been involved in the background way in the background uh of three ramsey weddings uh in the last few years and but we did run them on a budget

and we did run them like a project and um because that's the only way dad's putting his freaking money in there so um but the whole point is is you you do all this and then it takes the pressure off because we're going to spend x number of dollars on the dress which means you're not going to spend 2x and you don't have to make all these ambivalent stress-based decisions over and over and over again once you make the one decision does Does that make sense? Completely. So I think your 20 is a little high, but not way high. I don't think you're crazy. And once you make the decision – Wonderful, I don't want to be –

Once you make that decision, have some peace with yourself. Yeah. Right? You know, you tap out on other people's expectations because some people are going to think you spent too much, some people are going to think you didn't spend enough, and it's not their dadgum wedding. I like that.

And there's, Dave, help me with this, and Katrina will benefit from the conversation. I feel this tension, which is she owes $105,000. I mean, you've got to get this thing taken care of. And the math part of me says, go to the justice of the peace, work really work really hard get your debt paid off and then throw a big party in a couple years then there's another side of me that says we have stripped our culture of every sort of important heritage ritual we've just sucked the soul out of our culture and i would say no if you're gonna if you're gonna do something right do a wedding upright

yeah because you're gonna do it once you're gonna do it big and it's gonna be something that you it's gonna be a touchstone for the rest of your life yep help me find some wisdom in between those two things i think you're exactly right okay and so the point is you don't go crazy you're not trying to make a reality show out of this dead gum thing right on the one hand but now if someone calls and says uh look we're bound in the term and we both just want to do the jp we're just going to get the we're going to go to the preacher's office and and get this done i'm not gonna be mad at you for doing that that's your choice right but i also don't want to say as your financial advisor you have to do that because otherwise you're unwise

okay because part of personal finance is this is a milestone. And she needs a ring, and she needs a wedding, and she needs a bride's dress. You know? And there's a milestone here, and there's a celebration around this. And there's historical precedent for thousands of years, right? As long as there have been weddings, they've been a big deal. Right. There you go.

And funerals, right? Weddings and funerals. And births. I mean, these are the tuning forks of life they they reset your head and so i think you need to have a wedding personally i i i would i mean if you were my child i might one of my grown kids that came to me i'd say you need to spend something on it but let's not go hogwild i i'm kind of my head just the math that we've all bounced around katrina i'm bouncing between 10 and 15 in my head right now that makes sense but if you come back and say you know we talked about it we're going to do The math that we've all bounced around, Katrina, I'm bouncing between 10 and 15 in my head right now.

That makes sense. But if you come back and say, you know, we talked about it, we're going to do 7, I'm cool with that. Or we're going to do 17, I'm cool with that. But what I do want you to do is I want you to set that number, pay cash for it, pay cash for it, be free after that because you're going to set, you know, a budget that you set and are in control of the number, then sets you free to make a lot of decisions on what you're not going to do. You're not going to overspend.

You know, this is not an Academy Award motion picture. We need a few videos. Hey, Katrina, does this guy like you? Yes. A lot? I hope so. You know, a lot? He's a good guy so i don't want you to walk into your wedding as though you are the ball and chain here financially i want you to walk in with your

head held high he has agreed to take you and all of you yep and then y'all are going to work on this debt together if you walk in already ashamed of who you are and your financial position, that's going to start your marriage off at a step down. And then you're going to have this weird inequity thing that's going to go on. It's going to rattle around through your relationship for years to come. Walk in with your head held high. You put all the money on the table. I made some mistakes, but I am willing to own that. And we're going to attack them.

And it's in the past. The rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield. That's right. That's right. But go in with your head held high. He loves you. And he's committed to you and all of you. And y'all are going to attack them, and it's in the past. The rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield. That's right. That's right. But go in with your head held high. He loves you, and he's committed to you and all of you, and y'all are going to do this thing together. Yeah, you're awesome. Thank you for calling in.

That's a really good question to talk through. I've just watched our culture strip it all away. Well, I mean, I've had people come in and go, my wife's going to sell her diamond ring for the debt snowball. And I'm like, no. Right. But it's even further knocking down. If it's's going to sell her diamond ring for the dead snowball. And I'm like, no. Right. But it's even further, like, knocking down. If it's a $48,000 diamond ring, we'll talk about it. But, I mean, if it's a typical, you know, diamond ring for, no, you keep your dadgum ring.

It doesn't, $10,000 out of $100 when you make $100 doesn't change this equation much, by the way. Correct. Correct. But there's something about knocking down, I don't know, this is where I can get off the rails. There's something about knocking down Grandma's house so we can cram two tall and skinnies on that little lot so we all feel good. What have you been, driving around Nashville? There's something about heritage, man,

and just finding that balance, that wisdom balance. Yeah, I'm with you. I agree. This is the Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. This is The Ramsey Show. We talk about your life and your money. Thank you for calling us. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

Evan is in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Hi, Evan. How are you? Good. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? So, long story short, in September, my wife and I welcomed our first child.

Yay! So that was the only good thing I think that really happened to us in 2020. So that's a plus, I guess. But so I left my job to be a stay-at-home dad. So we are blessed to be able to work off of her, you know, salary. I'm working through the baby steps. I'm fairly new to you. I've been listening to you a lot now recently. I feel like I'm getting hung up on baby step two because I kind of feel like we're kind of out of order, but we have a lease, and we have 14 months left on the lease, and I feel like it's, for me, I'm trying to do the budget,

and it's kind of really messing with my head, having that $429 payment every month. So I was just looking at what you think we should do with maybe, should we buy out the lease or i was thinking of maybe just taking some of our savings and just paying out the rest of the 14 payments and just so i can utilize that 429 dollars kind of differently when i'm budgeting then or what do you think i should do there? Because I feel like... What are you planning on doing with the car at the end of the 14 months? Well, that's a thing.

My wife is currently working from home. So there's a chance that even when this is up, she could still be working still from home. So in that case, we would just need my car that it's paid for and everything. So we wouldn't necessarily need two cars, maybe. So that's the thing, too. I was like, if we don't need two cars, then maybe we could just get away with mine for a while. What's your household income?

Gross is $87,000. How much other debt do you have other than this car? Just the house. That's it? The car and the house? house yeah and how much is in savings uh i have we have a thirty thousand dollar emergency fund okay so you're doing this out of order you know that right yeah okay and then we have uh thirty eight thousand in our savings call the car company and ask them what the early buyout on the car is.

That's the payoff balance today. That will consist of the remaining of your payments plus the buyout number at the end minus a discount for cost of capital. And so there's a number you would buy it for at the end of 14 months and then that number plus the 429 for 14 uh is the second number it's that total of those two the buyout should be less than that total did you get that already yeah yeah so the early if i just wanted to buy right now then as $26,100. Write a check today and pay the car off. Okay. Then keep the car. Gotcha.

Okay, you said keep it. Okay. Let's pretend you had a $26,000 car loan on your car, and you called me up with $30,000 in your bank account. That's what I would tell you to do, isn't it? You knew that. Yeah, yeah. Now, if you want to sell your car later and move down to one car, you can,

but you can afford this car with your income and you have the money. I'm going to pay it off and keep it and move on to baby step three, make sure I have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses, and then I'm going to start my retirement and go from there. But you're trying to work your plan and hang on to the savings, not our plan. And so you've just got to decide which place you want to be. You know, make a decision, pay or get off the ladder here. And that's what I would do if I woke up in your shoes, because I know that if you follow through on what we teach, this is the shortest distance between where you are and a level of wealth that puts you in a position to be outrageously generous.

Works that way. Dr. John Deloney is my co-host today. If you want to talk about your life and things that are happening in your relationships and so forth, jump in. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Danny's in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Hi, Danny. How are you? I'm doing well.

How are you doing today? Better than I deserve. What's up? Oh, well, so an interesting opportunity has come up recently where there's a potential where I could be working in a six-figure job, but it would require a move. And me and my family are very well firmly planted in this area. We planted a church recently, and I work two other jobs as well. And so I guess I was curious what your thoughts were

on something like that, because from my standpoint in life, going up that much in a yearly income through one job is very, I never dreamed it'd even be something that could potentially be on the table. What's the job? It'd be a project management. Is it something you love to do, that you want to do? I'm good at management. It's something that I've done for 8 years but my calling is to help and serve people

and speak life into people's lives so I work full time in the fitness industry and then I pastor part time and then I work with people with mental disabilities part time as well Do you have kids? Yes I have two kids and a wife. So it sounds like you already know the answer.

Do you feel guilty about not taking a six-figure job? Yes. It sounds like you don't want the job. It sounds like you don't want to move. Yeah. So you got permission to not take the job, man. Thank you. Yeah, I agree with that. The other side of it is, yeah, season job, man. Thank you. Yeah, I agree with that.

The other side of it is, yeah, seasonally, man. Is this a moment in your life when, man, you could really bite the bullet for four or five years and work really hard on something? I don't always buy the, my, let me put it this way. I'm like you. I have a, I feel like I'm good at helping folks. I've done that behind closed doors at 2 a.m with police departments i've done that with college kids i've done that

with college kids parents i've done that with adults at my house i now i do it on the radio it's a different assignment but the mission stays the same so if you care and love helping people you can do that as a project manager you can also do that volunteer at a local church or with people with disabilities right you can do all those different things and so dave i struggle with this this calling i've got to only do this thing i think you can do your life mission in a number of different places a number of different uh number of different roles and if it gives you 5 10 15 25 hours a week back to your kids and your wife, that's an invaluable thing, right?

Yeah. I give you permission to do either one, and I'll just echo what John's saying. What ran through my mind is that somehow you've gotten in your head that in order to be helping people, you have to be broke. No. And I have to be doing personal training and be a minister part-time because in business you can't be helping people. Actually, that could be the biggest mission field,

the biggest ministry that you've ever had in your life, managing projects and leading young people. And, I mean, you could speak into their lives in so many ways. I do every day with our 1, with our thousand people on this team here. It is one of the biggest ministries that I have is the leadership role here at Ramsey, not just on the radio. And so, you know, the idea that, you know, you can be a restaurant owner and be in ministry. So it's just, it's a mindset of how you get there. I kind of think, though, you don't want to leave Grand Forks. That's also in the mix that we drove past pretty quick.

So this is both a career and a location thing. The only thing I would challenge you is don't turn this down because it's not holy and what you're doing is holy. Right. That's all I'm saying. That would be a mistake. But if you don't want to do that thing and you don't want to live in that city and the only thing taking you there is money, you're going to be miserable. Don't go do it. Don't go do it.

Because, I mean, money does not solve everything, dude. I mean, if you eat enough lobster, it tastes like soap. I mean, you just get more money at some point. But also, you don't have to work for a non-profit to be holy. You don't have to be small time to be holy. Your work can be holy when you decide it is, and you have an other-centered matrix that you're looking at it through. Thank you. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings.

You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best possible deal. All right, today's question comes from Joshua in Indiana. Joshua asks, how can I start to rebuild my relationship with my son after being absent for a long time? After years of fighting with his mom, she got custody and was able to move 16 hours away. I'm trying to learn to slowly rebuild the trust with him and start moving forward. What is the best way to start? Man, there's a lot here.

I'd want to know how old this kid is. And for some reason, she was allowed to move 16 hours away. So I want to know what trust you're rebuilding from. But at the end of the day, Dave, I think it starts with contact and intentionality and being accountable to yourself. What does that mean? That means I'm going to call at the same time every week. That means I'm going to FaceTime at the same time every week. And no matter what, I'm not going to miss that. I'm going to save my money and come to a basketball game if I can. I'm going to write handwritten letters so he's got a legacy of me reaching out. And when I say I'm going to do something,

I'm going to do it. And I'm going to be real intentional about being in that young boy's life. But this is, the key here, man, is you're playing a long game now, Joshua. You're not going to fix this in six months. You're not going to fix this in two years.

This is one of those things that you want your son to know that you were relentless in pursuing him when he turns 25 and when he turns 27 and um that's hard and we don't know what all happened here obviously um my tendency and i think i going to guess and call it a human tendency, would be to want to tell my part of the story, and that's probably not useful. It's almost never, ever useful because most of us want – I want to defend myself. There you go. And I want him to take my side, kind of. I think that's kind of a human thing, and most of the time in these situations, that's counterproductive, isn't it?

Right. Unless one day Joshua is old enough to process it, and that's not 21 or 25. And that's not him asking in the first conversation, what happened? And you go, well, you just don't know about your mother absolutely not and and you do whatever you can to stay neutral or be positive about mom but when parents start running each other down to try to look better in the eyes of their children they're seeking approval from children right and a child can't carry that weight they can't carry the complexity of my

dad's a good guy and does things that i don't approve of or i don't like at the same time it takes most of us until until we're adults until we're parents before we realize just how hard it is to be a to be a grown-up to be an adult right and there's things i love love love love about my old man and there's things i'm doing differently with my kid. And that all is in the same package, all the same guy. And I love it all. That's also part of the human condition. I didn't understand that at 22.

I don't think there's ever been a human that goes, I want to do it exactly like they do. If you do, whoa. That's strange. You should see somebody too, right? Exactly. But yeah, Dave, telling your side of the story doesn't help. Almost never. Unless there's just some abuse. Mom is very sick.

And in these situations, it's rare that someone is sick or abusive and gets to move 16 hours away. Yeah. Right? Yeah, that would be unusual. And Joshua, if it's appropriate here, start the conversation with, I'm sorry. Or your daddy messed up, and he's working as hard as he can to show you that he loves you. And teaching humility, teaching vulnerability is a big thing for dads. How do you rebuild trust in any situation where your spouse doesn't trust you with money?

I get that one a lot. Yep. Because I messed up. I overspspent and i had credit cards and and now 10 years later i'm still not allowed to touch the money because she won't trust me or he won't trust me right you know well how do you rebuild trust you first have to be worthy of trust that's called trust worthy right and that's what you were talking about early in this discussion here which is the steadiness the consistency keeps showing the predictability part of when if you if you want to step out on the ice do you trust the ice what you're asking is is it predictable right can i count on it right is it going to crack and i'm going to fall through or is it solid enough

ice that i can step out on it and not end up in the river and so you know the trust is about predictability consistency um it's a type of integrity the word integrity is where we get our word integer or it comes from the same word we get the word integer from which is any whole number no fractions i like that and so for you for your math nerds but yeah integrity is wholeness and it's like so you can't be uh one person on sunday and two people on uh i mean another person on monday another person on friday night there you go uh that's that's fractured it's not worthy of trust that whole there's no hope but the challenge here is you can't hold the outcome. He could theoretically show up and be a great father from here to kingdom come,

and this young child may never come around. He can't hold that. There's a point when somebody commits financial infidelity, and 10 years later, it's not their problem anymore. Their partner needs a heart change. Their wife needs to grow up. Their husband needs to put that nonsense down, right and um you can't hold that outcome you've got to continue to be a person of integrity for you you got to keep leaning in and leaning in and doing it and doing it and doing i can't control what they can do all i can control what i do that's right and once you

start chasing their approval that's when you get yourself in trouble you overspend you do these weird big presents and weird big trips trying to win approval from a child can't do it man you know i i just a friend of mine recommended a movie that apparently everybody's seen but me what's that warrior oh it's yeah it's good right on right on this subject that's my mma world man that's it's good mma stuff and uh i watched it the other night it's it's very much this subject yeah very much this subject well acted well written too and it. Well acted, well written, too. It's a beautiful story of brotherhood and redemption. Sort of.

A wept, wept. Sort of. That's right. Sort of. It's kind of a modern-day Rocky, except better. Yeah, it was really good. But I thought Nick Nolte probably did need an Oscar or something like that. It was pretty freaking incredible.

It's an old movie, though, was it? Like 2011 or something? Yeah, it's been out for a minute. I guess I'm just the last of the party but i got there so yeah but it's the same thing this idea that that you can't just show back up and it's all okay like nothing happened it's all good that's right but that doesn't mean you don't show up right because the showing up heals you from the inside out right and you keep showing up and you keep showing up and there's that beautiful moment when he falls off the wagon and his son's there his son knows right you keep showing up and you keep showing up and there's that beautiful moment when he falls

off the wagon and his son's there his son knows right you keep showing up man and and redemption may not look like the fantasy picture you have and there's no there's no soundtrack that swells and there's no people cheering for you but redemption almost always comes it just looks different than we think it's going and it's it's like a lot of things like a lot of healing it's messy yeah oh it's a mess mess because there's like a lot of things, like a lot of healing, it's messy. Yeah. Oh, it's a mess, messy. That's because there's wounds. Yeah, there's just trash cans full of gauze over there in the corner. It's a mess.

It's gross. But it doesn't mean it's not the right thing. Yeah. Healing hurts everybody. So, nothing else, Joshua. There's just, we know the data. There's millions of dads who don't even ask this question. Mom moves 16 hours away, and they give up.

They cash in. And they sit there and lick their wounds, and they chase whatever addiction's going to numb that hurt that son's gone and wife's gone. And kudos to you for saying, I don't want to be that guy. I want to rebuild. And what can I own here, man? I'll tell you, you can own almost all of it and just get to work. Being a dad's hard, Dave. Yeah, it is.

And Meg Maker does a lot of really good writing on this, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, and Hero Dads, and her books and materials on the power of father, even being absent, I'm reading his line here, for a long time, still showing up. Well, Christy Wright's story. Christy's got a great redemption story on this process. And it's just a powerful thing, and it needs to happen.

So, yeah, I commend you. I'm with John on this, Joshua. I commend you on doing that. But I think it's good to remember whether it's in business or working with an audience, you guys' relationship with us that are out there. Are we worthy of trust? Are we consistent? You know, I get one of my biggest criticisms is, you know, Dave, you're a one-trick pony. You know, one-trick pony.

You don't have but one thing to say over and over and over. And I go, yeah. Yep. But I always say the same thing. That's right. You can count on it yeah i never violate never violate it because just one time it'll make the front page of the paper oh man just one time you're inconsistent in someone's mind they're begging for a reason to

to carve you out right to cancel you just begging for a reason. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey guys, this is Kelly, associate producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know that over 16 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to DaveRamsey.com slash show.