The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Say "No" to My Wife Wanting a New Car? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Metal studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life. I'm Kit Coleman, Ramsey personality, and I'm joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney, who's a Ramsey personality as well. We're here for you this hour. Of course, it's the show you have come to know and trust. And if you're new to the show, welcome aboard.

We're talking about life, and specifically we talk about money. And then we talk, I specifically on my show, talking about purpose in your work. Not just a J-O-B, but doing something that you love that matters deeply to you. You can make the income that you need and the impact you want. You really can. The dream job is there. And so we'll help you with that. That's going to help you with that big shovel.

And then Dr. John Deloney, of course, helping people so much on the Dr. John Deloney Show. In the area of relationships and life that's emotional and mental, crises with family members, even in the workplace. If you're in a sticky, nasty situation and feel helpless, John has got some great, great guidance and tools to help you as well. So we combine all of that, and we're here to help you. So we are, again, talking about life, giving you hope, giving you a clear path forward. 888-825-5225, 888-825- 5225.

888-825- 5225. John, I was sharing earlier today on my show about the question that I think is the most underrated question in the world. I think the question we have so much fear

and anxiety around asking this question, and I'll share it with you, and it's, will you help me? Now, in the context of my show, which is where we're talking about moving into the space you want to move into professionally, that work you love, and then you're in the space, but now you want to move up the ladder. So that's the context. And I find that so many callers, they'll call in and they get so hung up in an area where I go, you know, you can ask for help.

People want to help us. But I have learned, and of course you know so much about this from the psychology side in your studies, there is tremendous fear of rejection, John, is what I hear, around this idea of saying, will you help me? Now, I'm not saying you walk up to people and say, will you help me? Right? We don't say it that way. And I talked about four ways to kind of handle your posture there. But I find that people are so willing to help if we're humble and we kind of say, hey, I need help.

I can't do this on my own. Boy, that's attractive. That's the greatest question you can be asked. And then beyond humble, you've got to be specific. One of the things that I found early on, John, I was kind of beating around the bush asking for certain people to help me get into broadcasting. Here's what I've learned about this. Before people will tell you they want to help you, they kind of got to know if they can help you. So be specific. Be specific. And then third, be open. Nothing makes me any more irritated when somebody will pull me aside and say,

hey, Kent, can I get advice on something? Will you help me? I tell them and they go, I wasn't thinking that. And they're not open-minded. Now, that's their prerogative. Right. But be open-minded because what you think is help, what you're expecting them and wanting them to say may not be the help they offer, but it could be just as helpful.

I hadn't thought of that. Is there anything worse than someone asking for help? And they're not asking for help. They're asking for you to affirm the help they offer, but it could be just as helpful. I hadn't thought of that. Is there anything worse than someone asking for help? And they're not asking for help. They're asking for you to affirm the position they already have. That's exactly what it is. That's so annoying. That's exactly what it is. Or they're terrified of the advice you give them, the help you give them.

Right. And so they're not open to doing that because that's a little bit too hard. Wait a second. That's going to cause sacrifice, Dave. Wait a second. Wait, wait, cause sacrifice, Dave. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You mean I've got to be rice and beans, beans and rice? I've got to live like no one else?

Nah, I don't know. Or in my world, you mean I've got to tell my wife I'm sorry? Yes, because you're an idiot. You did that. You said that. She said it too. Well, how about this? How about A, decide I'm going to be married instead of being right?

Yep. And how about you just take the high road? Yeah. Or in this case, the low road. How about you just say, yep, go say I'm sorry. Yeah. Go say, hey, let's go talk about this being right. Yep. And how about you just take the high road? Yeah. Or in this case, the low road. How about you just say, yep, go say I'm sorry. Yeah. Go say, hey, let's go talk about this. Yes.

Yeah. Why are we so afraid to ask that question? I think we have wrapped our identity into this tiny little package that we build a wall around ourselves to protect ourselves from this idea that I'm not enough. And we think we have to have every answer to every question to do everything right. And if, if somebody comes and says,

Hey, here's a different way to do something. It, it's not a celebration. It's a challenge to who we are. It's a challenge to our identity. You know what I love? I,

it's one of my favorite things. I love being wrong. You know why? Not because I, I don't like being told I'm stupid, not being told I hurt somebody because I gave them wrong advice. I love learning a new, better way to do a thing. And the other day, my son and a couple of his buddies were going fishing in a creek and they said, hey, dad, we're going to borrow your lures.

And I said, you guys, you're not going to catch anything in a two foot water creek with those lures. Those are for lakes. And my son said, can we try? And I said, I don't want you to lose my stuff, and you're not going to catch anything. I got a text message on my wife's phone from her. She said, Hank wants you to know that you were wrong. They caught a fish.

I cheered. I was so happy. The first thing I told him was, I'm so happy I was wrong because you all caught. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I getered. I was so happy. The first thing I told him was, I'm so happy I was wrong because y'all caught, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it. What a ridiculous thing to tie yourself to.

Yeah. Like, I gotta be right. You could be wrong. Yeah, and there's just so much pride too in this, you know? It's not just a fear of rejection. It's kind of like,

I don't want anybody to think that I can't do this. And the reality is, is I don't care what the profession is. I don't care if it's I'm trying to get out of debt and I need some help from, you know, my FPU coordinator, or I don't want to call a counselor. I don't want to sit down with my wife in front of a counselor. The idea of asking for

help is so difficult for people. And I find it to be so paralyzing because nobody gets anywhere in any facet, any area of life without help. Dave loves to tell the story of if you ever walk by a fence post and see a turtle on the top of the fence post, you know one thing, he didn't get there by himself. And it's really true. He has a Rolodex of people who he asks their advice on stuff. Oh. On home stuff and buying stuff and automobiles. Yeah.

Every successful person I know, I remember the last dance, the Michael Jordan documentary. If you watch it, there's something going on in the background, which is the most famous, successful athlete on earth, especially at the time,

was surrounded by a nutritionist, a personal trainer, a head coach, assistant coaches, weight room coach. I mean, surrounded by teammates, surrounded by experts who helped him get better. And then I've got a dad who's sitting there, who's working his nine to five, working his butt off, getting home. I don't need to ask nobody. I just tell her what she needs.

What an idiot. Get some help. I've got people that are in miserable jobs, working in a situation that's sucking the soul out of them. They're living for the weekend. They're fighting either addiction, affairs, alcoholism, anything, just to make it to Friday night, all because they won't say, I need help.

Will you help me? And you say, hey, I've got a flashlight into your situation. No, I'm good. Yeah. I'm good. Yeah. I'm good. And we've got to get over this. We've got to get over this. Because here's the deal.

People want to help. And you know what's actually fun is when you go to somebody and you go, hey, I need some knowledge or wisdom. I'm going to break that down for a second. Knowledge is I need some facts. Wisdom is I need your perspective on a situation. So I've got an A or B. I've got a fork in the road. Or, hey, I want to get into programming.

Go sit down with a great, successful programmer. How did you get into it? Watch those people light up when you say, I want to be like you. Yeah. Would you give me some knowledge and wisdom on how to get there? Because I don't know. And if it's not too much trouble, I'll buy you coffee. I'll come with a pencil.

I'll be specific. And I'll be forever grateful watch them open up and just do so much for you beyond what you asked not all the time but many times John there's fewer questions more warm to the human heart

than hey can you help me so John and I are here to help you some of you need to call I think somebody right now is going I want want to call, but I'm afraid to. Don't be. Call us. We'll help you. This is the Ramsey Show.

Ever wondered how to save more money or pay off debt faster? What about the right way to invest? Listen, I've been there asking the same questions with no idea where to turn for answers. But here's the good news. You don't have to keep searching for answers. Ramsey Plus shows you every step of the way so you know what to do with your money. Get the plan and the tools you need to make consistent small wins with money and even some big ones so you can see exactly how you're making progress. We'll be right back. a plan for your future. To start your free trial of Ramsey Plus, text TRIAL to 33789.

That's TRIAL to 33789. 33789. This is the Ramsey Show where we talk to you about your life, your money, your relationships, your work. We're helping you live on purpose. There is a clear path to be who you want to be and do what you want to do. 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Let's go to San Antonio, Texas, where Mike joins us. Mike, how can we help? I have a question.

I got a good job opportunity, but I'm just trying to make sure that it's a good move, and I was going to try to see if you guys could give me some advice on that. Oh, absolutely. Tell us about the opportunity. So I'm currently in a job where I basically do tax planning, but I want to move over and do more of investments. And so this opportunity would give me more to be an investment advisor. Is that what you want to do?

It is what I want to do. And it's basically right now the only thing I would be giving up is getting credentials, and I would probably be working a little bit more moving to the other job. But at this job, the only way to move up is to get credentials, and I don't really know if I want to do that. But this job pays maybe $20,000 more a year, so I think it would be a good move. Yeah, so you've already answered your own question.

So this is what you want to do. You're going to make a lot more money. And you're going to make more money. You don't want the credentials that you would supposedly have to get if you stay where you are. So what are you concerned about? All I've heard is good. Is there any con? Well, the one concern that I have is that it's more of a startup company.

And so I just don't know about the longevity of maybe where I'm going. As opposed to where I'm at, it's very well established. I get it. Let me address that because I hear that a lot. Mike Holden guy, are you? I'm 27. Oh, you're 27. This probably won't work, John, but we'll go with it because I'm committed.

You ever heard of a company called Enron? I have. Yeah. You know the story about Enron? I sure do. Was Enron a startup company, Mike? Well, it was at one point. Yeah, but the point is it was a behemoth.

It was almost too big to fall, and it fell so fast. It didn't fall. It evaporated. Yes. It just into a mist. a mist it was that quick just wasn't there anymore the point i'm making my colleague knows where i'm going here um your stable current position isn't as stable as you think it is i once interviewed the great jim collins who wrote good to great and i was interviewing him he in the interview he said he said, yeah, I get a lot of questions when I teach business classes at business school. He said, I had a young man come up to me one time and said, Jim, should I start my own company, which I've always wanted to do. This is right before he leaves college. He said, or should I go take the offer for this big-time company that's got the stock options and everything because that's

the sure thing and collins who is a contrarian a beautiful nice contrarian but a contrarian said the young man what i'm saying to you mike and he said yeah that big sure thing is not a big sure thing they're one crisis one ethical one wall street slip up They're one moment away from that sure thing, you being one of the first people to get laid off because you're the young guy and you're new. He said, go chase the thing that you want to do. He said, paint on your own canvas. And he said, Ken, most people love the paint-by-numbers art, right?

Green on No. 2 if you grew up in our era, paint red on No. 1, and so forth and so on, versus painting their own canvas. And I think, Mike, what you've been offered is an opportunity to paint the painting on your canvas. Am I laying it down for you to where you understand what I'm saying, Mike? For sure. I think that's great advice. Don't look back.

Is there anything that I need to be looking for when I take it? I mean, any advice starting a new job in a startup that you can think of? Or just do what I do and go for it? Well, a couple things. So the only thing I want you to check before you say yes is I would like you to look into the culture. I can't tell you how many times, John, I've had callers on the Ken Coleman Show say, Ken, I took what I thought was the dream job, and it's six weeks later and I'm miserable. Because they didn't check the culture.

Gotcha. So, Mike, this feels like this is a no-brainer from the work, the position itself, the type of work you want to do. Certainly a no-brainer as a financial opportunity, which looks like there's a ladder attached to it as well. So it's check, check, check. I think the last checkbox before I say yes is do your homework and find out what the culture is like over there. Do they develop and promote their people is one of the things I'm looking for. How do they treat their vendors, their customers? Do some homework on that.

Make sure there's no red flags. And then once we get that, I think, yeah, you go for it. I don't think this is a big risk. Now, as far as how to win, I'm going to give this advice to you. In a new role, there's three things you do. First thing is, when you take the job, go deeper than just the job interview and make sure that there is a very clear understanding between you and your leader on what your role is. What's a win look like for me? Not just the job description.

What does a win look like, and how am I measured against that? That's know your role. That's clarity. The second? That's know your role. That's clarity. The second thing is accept your role. See, you're super fired up right now, Mike, because this is a jump for you professionally and financially. But that's going to wear off at some point, and I don't want you to forget that you were really excited about this at one point, so you've got to accept your role. This is my role now. I've got to win in the now where there is no next step up the ladder.

That's attitude. The final thing is go way beyond the role. Maximize the role. This is my role now. I've got to win in the now where there is no next step up the ladder. That's attitude. The final thing is go way beyond the role. Maximize the role. Give way beyond what the job description is and what the measurables are. Look to help teammates. Look to go deeper to lead and help your boss. Really dive deep. Know your role.

Accept your role. Maximize your role. Those three things, if you do that, you're going to start really hot out of the gate, and you make yourself very promotable. I wonder what it is, Ken, that makes everyone's got different stories that they tell themselves. Everyone's got different stories people told them when they were growing up. But I wonder what story is told to a guy like Mike who's smart, driven, and then he looks in the mirror and says, yeah, but I can't trust you.

He knew the answer, right? He knew where we were headed with this thing. Yeah. But something way down there said, you know what? You're probably not that smart. You're probably not. You probably don't know. You know what I mean?

And I do that. Yeah. I'm sure you do. Yeah, we all do. I think that's interesting. That's a very interesting angle because I hear it with him. He's going, I hear startup. And there's something about our culture.

And actually, I'm going to throw this back to you because I also heard him basically basically saying well i'm at a i'm at a company that's been around whatever many years means credibility to him and the startup a two-year-old company all of a sudden may not be wise the question is is he getting that from somebody else yeah somebody told him what you like what is it about us that we doubt that something can be stable just because it's new. No, I... Is it that? I think we would rather be miserable and quote-unquote certain... Oh, I didn't know that.

...than live our dream or go get them. Miserable over uncomfortable. Yeah. That's it. Hold on. And uncomfortable, man, that's a rant in itself. Go for it. We've solved for discomfort discomfort we've pathologized

discomfort keep you know what keep going you deserve to never be too cool or too warm forget weather we can have a 72 degree home to a 72 degree car to a 72 degree office and back and back and by the way your shoes should always be really comfortable. Don't exercise. We'll just give you some this or some that. We've just solved for discomfort. And what we're finding out is discomfort is where you grow. Our bodies are desperate for it. Our relationships are desperate for it.

Our mental health is desperate for it. That's when you find out who you are. That's when you find out purpose. That's when you find out passion. That's when you find out accomplishment. We tried for 20 or 30 years just to look at kids and say, you know what? Y'all are special. We're just going to give you self-esteem by

telling it to you all the time. And they went bananas. Hey, we don't want anybody to feel bad about losing 3-1 in the soccer game, so we're not going to keep scoring. Oh, by the way, everybody at the end of the year gets a trophy because we don't want to make Bobby and Susie uncomfortable. And you know who knows that we're lying to them?

The kids. The kids. Of course they do. They come off after losing a game 17-1 and we throw confetti on them. By the way, everybody keeps score. Yes. I need to confess something right here on the Ramsey Show. This is a very healing moment to my colleague.

This is Ken's confession. So I was coaching, James, I got to tell you this. I was coaching a five- and six-year-old soccer team my freshman year of college, and we're having the coaches meeting, and the director of the YMCA says, we will not keep scoring this league, so please, if your kids bring it up, distract them, don't keep score. First game, we're down three and a half at halftime. I pulled them all together, gave them their orange slice, and says,

hey, guys, we're down 3-0. You gave them a gift, Ken. I think so. At least I believe so. I couldn't do it, Ken. I think so. At least I believe so. I couldn't do it, John. I felt like a sellout. Everybody keeps score. Go do the thing that you want to do, even if it's uncomfortable, today.

Go. This is the Ramsey Show. Welcome back, America. Thrilled to have you with us. 888-825-5225. That is the number to jump in. John Deloney is my co-host this hour. I'm Ken Coleman.

We're both Ramsey personalities. We host shows on the Ramsey Network. He hosts the Dr. John Deloney Show, and I host the Ken Coleman Show. We'd love for you to check those out as well. John is helping you in life and relationships, mental, emotional, wellness, just some serious stuff going on over there, really gripping, gripping conversations. And you can get help. And you can get help here as well.

And then on the Ken Coleman Show, we're helping you get where you want to go, discover what you were born to do. We're talking about purpose in your work. You were created to fill a unique role. You are needed and you must to go. Discover what you were born to do. We're talking about purpose in your work. You were created to fill a unique role. You are needed and you must do it. A little bit about us and of course we're standard co-hosts here on the Ramsey Show and answering your questions

about money as well. We're talking about life and it is your conversation. Before we get back to the phones, John, you and I recently got homes, but the real estate season is really going to fire back up. Even though it's really white hot, it's just around the corner with the summer starting to come to an end. Unbelievable.

And this year, things are really different. Home prices higher. Competition between buyers is intense. And sellers, you need to know what you're doing if you're going to make the most out of the sale of your home. So if you're thinking about buying or selling a home this year, here's a piece of simple advice that could save you a six-figure mistake. Don't jump into something you don't understand. If you don't know where to start or you're not sure if you're ready for a mortgage, if you have questions about how to buy or sell a home, get advice from a professional who's done this before.

We'd love for you to connect with one of our endorsed local provider agents. These are real estate agents that we trust here at Ramsey Solutions. Our ELPs will help guide you through the entire home buying or home selling process. They're going to teach you every step of the way so that you feel clear and confident. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash agent. That's ramseysolutions.com slash agent to connect with one of our trusted ELP agents. 888-825-5225 is the number. Let's go to Columbia, South Carolina. Jeremy joins us there. Jeremy, how can we help?

Hey, David. Sorry. Ken and Dr. John, how are you? We are living the dream. What's up? Got a question. My wife and I are in baby step two. Ken, I've called and talked to you before on your show. Like I said, we're in baby step two, trucking pretty good. We're about 12 to 18 months out from being completely debt-free, minus the house, obviously. But my wife has decided she wants to try and get a new car, which would be a major upgrade in vehicle. Obviously, that's not in the Ramsey plan. And without coming across as a jerk and trying to be respectful of her,

how do we navigate this without saying, I'm right, you're wrong, you're right, I'm wrong? Not trying to be biased, but just say, what's better for our future? Do y'all have any advice on that? I would say first and foremost, this isn't Dave's plan. This is Jeremy's plan. This is the plan to change Jeremy's house. Dave laid the steps out as long as this is an external thing being forced on your family by some mostly bald old man on the radio right and i'd say that if he was sitting here um i don't

know yeah i would where'd you um then there's gonna be a a – your wife is going to feel imposed upon because this isn't a joint vision, right? This is, okay, I'll go along with this guy's thing and whatever, and if it keeps my husband up, blah, blah. Hey, but I want to get a new car, right? So for some reason, she's not fully bought in yet. Y'all aren't on the same page with this deal. Were y'all at one time on the same page what

why are we coming up with a new car here yeah we were um we actually downgraded both vehicles to be able to afford them and now we're kind of seems like we're just making another 180 and all this has happened with them like six months ago. So it's kind of like what – I'm not even sure what's brought this on. But, you know, it's not a you're crazy type thing. It's just, you know, how do we go about it? So, Jeremy, if I'm hearing you correctly, she bought in. She's like, okay, let's do this Baby Step thing. And she was in on downgrading your car so that you could pay off debt and move along.

Am I hearing that correctly? Correct. So she was on board. Now, all of a sudden, she's not ranting and raving, saying, you've lost your mind. I don't want to do this. She's just going, I've changed my mind again. I want a nice car. Is that what I'm hearing?

Pretty much. Yeah. The fact that you say, again, I'm going to throw this back to John from the professional counseling side, but just as the observer in the conversation on this one, the fact that you just said, I'm not sure what's changed, there's part of our problem. We need to find out what is really going on. The fact that you called us and you're not quite sure what has changed means I think you need to dig in a little bit more about where she is and what has caused this. And I'm calling bull crap on that too, Jeremy.

What has changed? You know. Uh-oh. Well, one thing, she starts a new job tomorrow. I'm sorry. She goes to figure out her new salary and everything tomorrow. The job change will actually be next week and next month, and she'll be working at the same school our two girls are going to go to.

Okay. Is she expecting a raise? That's kind of what I'm waiting to see. Hopefully we'll find that out tomorrow, and we just don't know concrete numbers yet. I think she is. Is she feeling self-conscious about pulling up to her new job or her new promotion with an old car? It may be.

So here's the thing. I think there's some stuff here. The car here is the symptom. For some reason, for some reason, y'all two have separated this mission here. What you're on together,

the path you're on together, and hey, by the way, this happens to every married couple on earth, about a million different things. It can happen on the way to a restaurant.

Hey, you want to have Mexican food tonight? Sure, that sounds great. We're headed out that way and then halfway there, it's like, oh,

oh, we're just going to go there? Like, I thought we were, I thought we had decided that. It happens all the time. So nothing's wrong with your marriage, nothing's wrong with your relationship, but y'all have gotten off track.

And this is a time for you to flip the lights on and turn the music off and take her out somewhere and say, hey, we all sat down. We all agreed to this. We're all in. We're going to change our family tree. We're going to change the trajectory of our life, our kids' life. We're all bought in. We're all in. We're going to change our family tree. We're going to change the trajectory of our life, our kids' life. We're all bought in.

We even sold our cars and got these two not great cars. And then you just came and laid this on me. You know I want to provide you the best. I want to be a great provider. You've got an awesome job. You're about to get a raise. It's going to accelerate this plan. But now you say you want to get into credit.

Tell me what happened because we were on the same page here and bring it back to the mission bring it back to the goal bring it back to hey we're in this thing together and for god's sake this is not you guys are the heroes of this journey right dave wrote the plan financial peace university we've got these seven steps but you've got to make it y'all's vision for your life, not Dave Ramsey's, right? Sit down with her, take her out, and get back together on the same page, and y'all create a picture of what it's going to look like, and something you can go back to and go back to. I hope she gets a massive raise, and it just accelerates this whole thing, and y'all get

emergency fund, and she'll get that new car sooner rather than later. Yeah, I would agree completely with john jeremy i would just add when you're having this conversation let's put some real dates on there like you told us i forget what you said at the beginning of the call but there's a payoff date if we stay disciplined okay so if you sit down with her and you do all the things that john said and go hey babe listen with this new raise we may shave three months, six months off. And at this point, then we're going to go this many more months. We've got the emergency fund in place, the three to six months.

Now we can begin to cash flow the car. And I'm going to get you this. Hey, put a picture of it on the fridge. Yeah. Like combine her vision to the mission. People will suffer, John. Of course they will. They'll suffer and sacrifice if they know where

they're headed. But the ambiguity in marriage is just as bad as ambiguity in the professional setting. When a leader goes, come on, everybody! Work those extra hours! I heard so much of this during COVID. Ken, we worked hard because of COVID. Well, the leaders never said, hey, it's for three or four months.

Just give me three or four. And then we're going to get over it. You got to get clear. The ambiguity is crushing people in the debt-free job. Oh, man. Have a goal. Do it together. It's awesome. Thanks for the call, Jeremy. Don't move. More Ramsey Show coming up. We'll see you next time. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. And we are taking your calls, 888-825-5225. Our scripture of the day comes from Proverbs 21.20. Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man's dwelling, but a foolish man devours it. Our quote from the legendary self-help guru Jim Rohn.

Formal education will make you a living. Self-education will make you a fortune. Amen to that. I absolutely agree with that. Alright, let's get back to the phones. Amber is up in Fort Worth, Texas. Amber, how can we help? Yes, hi. My

husband and I, we opened a business. We own a bakery back in 2019 in December. So we ran our bakery all through the pandemic and everything. We own a bakery back in 2019, in December. So we ran our bakery all through the pandemic and everything. We felt like we were actually doing pretty well considering people were not leaving our house and we were going to farmer's market. And so people were at least going to go and buy bread and produce and stuff from the markets and ordering from us online.

But now that the stores are back open again and people are getting back to their regular lives, we've noticed a decrease in our sales. We're really struggling now financially, just overall in general with the rise of cost and everything. And just wondering what we can do to get our bakery up off the ground and to be where it needs to be. Okay, so I want to know a little bit more, just a quick snapshot. In 2019, you started it, and it was doing pretty hot during the coronavirus. Is that what I heard? Yes. Okay, so how much has it dipped? And I'm trying to get a ballpark. You can give me percentages, or you can give me real numbers per month. I mean, when you say get it off the ground, how bad is it right now?

Give me at its highest point, it may be in 2020 and where you are now. Give me a snapshot. Well, in 2020, we were having people ordering regularly from us online. We have online sales and orders and deliveries as well as the farmer's market, which has always been consistent. We always sell out on our farmer's market. That's always been consistent. We make about $500 a

weekend. What we need is the Monday to Friday, the regular, everyday that has dropped. How much? Almost 100%. It's like people decided now that they can get out and they can go to school again and all these things, but they don't need that.

Okay, so your online orders went from, give me, I need a number, and the reason I'm driving at this, I'm going to try to give you an answer. Yeah, we were, for example, back in this last December, during the Christmas time and stuff, we were having, you know, 15 orders a week. And we sold photo booths and muffins and various things and so on. You know, that adds up.

Okay, so Amber, how much revenue were you bringing in on a week or a month at your high point? How much revenue? At our height, we were taking in, you know, I would say $750. How much? $750. $750 a week.

Okay. So this is a side hustle for you guys, correct? Has to be. Well, no. So we originally, my husband worked in pizza. He worked up to being a manager and then found out he was going to be paid $1,200 salary. So wait, but you're making $750 a week? I mean, that's about $3,000 a month.

You guys have been living off of that, and now all of a sudden it's just dropped to the floor and the only money you're making is $500 on a weekend at the farmer's market. Right. And that's where it hits us. And we're wondering what we can do to make the bakery what we want it to be. We have bigger problems in the bakery. I'm going to get back to the bakery. I'm sorry.

I was having a hard time understanding you. I'm sorry to ask all the follow-ups. Okay. First things first. This bakery is a labor of love. You guys are really excited about this, and if we can make this go, this is the dream. Am I understanding that? Yes.

Okay, great. My husband loves this bakery. Okay, great. A little lot. I love it, but here's the deal. We've got to shift our mindset right now. This is no longer the full-time play. Something has shifted, and it was corona people were doing

everything online now all of a sudden they can get out they're buying their we got to figure that out i can't solve that for you on this call but i'm going to tell you this a don't give up the dream b we need to shift this bakery to what it really is it is a side hustle we cannot live off of the situation right now and if you guys don't realize this and act on this, you're going to be in a world of hurt. So you, hubs, I'm going to recommend some tough love. Both of you go get day jobs. And then we can still do the farmer's market on the weekend, best I can tell. And then we got to find a way to get back on that online business. Now, we're going to have to adjust because people have adjusted. But I think with a little bit of innovation, talking to your customers, those people who bought from you,

don't harass them. Say, hey, we'd like to do a survey and find out what it would take for them to come back. I would look at the delivery model. You guys are going to have to dive into that, but you can do that better when it's not the pressure to live off of this business. I think entrepreneurs put themselves in such danger, John, when something like this shifts and they go, oh, we got to hang on. Yes, hang on, but not full time. Not full time. I'm thinking of, man, you have this picture that we run a bakery and we are a farmer's

market bakery. Yeah. We like those kind of, you know what you may do? You may have to get in a van and go be a construction site bakery. That's exactly right. Or a high school parking lot bakery. Or we're going to go to some of the local community colleges there in Fort Worth, and we're going to have – I've seen some remarkable – they go from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. deliveries of baked goods to college students, right? Whatever it is, you're going to have to shake up the picture and say, we got super creative beginning of Corona and created an online presence. Well, now that's gone. And this is the fun slash nightmare slash excitement of being a small

business owner is basically every month you're reinventing your business until you get to a certain level, right? And so Amber, the last thing I want to say on this, and I don't want you to be discouraged, I want you to hear me say, I don't want you to let go of this dream, but this has got to be a part-time dream. Here's why. As you reported the story to us, the emotion that you had around the height of your business

was so high, but in all reality, those numbers aren't that big. It's a low-margin business. And so you guys are going to have to figure this out. Do not quit. Keep it part-time. Farmer's market, like John said, reinvent ourselves, test some new things. You proved that you could sell baked goods to people.

People want to eat your food. They want to eat your food. You proved it. But you're going to have to reinvent, and you're going to have to scale. But I want to caution you. You guys weren't doing as well as you think you were, and this is a tough business. So you better be in it for the long haul. That's the mind shift. And so when we shift our mind now, we're going to go, okay,

what does that mean? This is a long haul play for us. We're not going to get discouraged. But I'm going to tell you right now, if you both don't get day jobs soon, you're going to put unnecessary pressure on this business and this dream, and it'll be hard to withstand that. Well, and that pressure ends up in your marriage. Well, that's right. There's all kinds of ripple effects.

So here's the three steps. Yeah, the stress of lack of money this last six months, since things have really started going down. It's been very stressful. That's exactly right. My husband does work. He works for UPS at night.

So you're already there, right? Good for you. You guys are taking steps. Yes. I want you all to go out, and here's the three things. You have to do an acknowledgment session. And this is vulnerable. This is hard.

This is embarrassing. This is shameful. It is embarrassing. This is shameful. It's all those things. But you've got to sit down with a yellow pad and a calculator and a diner together and say,

this is the state of this business. And then you have to grieve. And we always think grieving is, you know, the end of time. Somebody passed away.

And there is that. But all grief is, it's the gap between what we hoped for and what is. Right? We hoped that granddad would live forever. We hope this business would go and it's not. And we just have to sit there and slump our shoulders. Sometimes we have to cry. Sometimes we have to journal, whatever it is. And you just have to just go, and then you got to own what's next. Do we really want

to keep doing this? Are we willing to drive to construction sites at 5 a.m. and at lunchtime and go to college campuses? Are we willing to do this? But you've got to own what's next, but you've got to acknowledge it, grieve it, and then say we're all in on what comes next. And you all get to do that to get us the beauty of it. Otherwise, you're going to lose your marriage over this thing too. That's why we call here at Ramsey Solutions work that you love passion. There's the root word of it in In the Latin, it means to suffer. Are you willing to suffer?

Not just emotional and financial, but just patience. You guys are. So you're heading the right direction. Thank you for the call. Hey, I want to thank my colleague, Dr. John DeLay. Thanks, pal.

Always fun hanging with you. I want to thank our producer, James Childs, our associate producer, Kelly Daniel, and You America. Thank you. This is The Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast.

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