The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Start Investing as a College Student? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Debt, Home Buying, Investing, Relationships Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's The Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. So we will be talking about your life and all of your problems, because he's good at that. And we'll also talk about your money, because I'm here, and we're glad you're with us. Thanks for hanging out. Hey, you're good at that.

Well, you are good at helping people with their problems. I'm going to give you that. Hmm? I'm going to give you that one. You're good at talking about money i am i've it's worked out for me it's working i'm hoping it's gonna be a career someday working out for you you hang in there dave and you keep working hard like a hair in a biscuit all right open phones at 888-825-5225 you jump in we'll talk about your life and your money janna is with us in orlando hey janna what's up hi thanks for taking my call sure how can we help um i have a real estate and money

question we with my husband's job going mostly remote we have the opportunity to move back to kansas city which is our hometown from florida where we've been for about two years and um so moving back towards family and um we have a paid for house here and we've been without a mortgage for about three and a half years. So moving back, we feel like we have options, but we're having a hard time narrowing it down, whether it's going to be lake or buy a few acres or even build is on the list. We can't, we can't quite decide. So we're trying to decide now if we should just buy what's on the market when it's time or give it some time and rent in the meantime so we can have, I don't know, just experience the process. Moving to Florida, I didn't even see my house before we moved into it.

It was a little bit more of a quick thing, and it worked out, and it was great. But I kind of want to enjoy the process this time. But we're going back and forth whether that's worth it or not. Do we take our time and rent and spend that money that we haven't had to spend each month, or go ahead and buy and deal with whatever is on the market at the time? The short answer is you can never go wrong with a lake. I agree. I agree, but they're not as easy to come by.

But anyway, well, here's the thing. How long have you been gone? We've been gone three years. Okay, so you know the market still. You know which neighborhood is rich. You kind of know, I don't want to be over there. I do want to be over there, that kind of thing. We know the county that we want to be in.

We have it narrowed down to certain areas, certain lakes, certain country areas. Well, if you don't find the thing that you want in those areas, then it would be rent and patience until you find the thing you want. But if you find the thing you want, there's no rule that says you have to not get it. Right? Right. I hear in your voice a very kind usage of the word we. You know this place is where you're from.

What's the holdup? My husband is real decisive and I'm real not. Yes, there you go. And I think he'd be okay. Yeah, because I'm that way. I can make a decision. If I don't like it, I'll just make another decision. Meanwhile, Sharon's still thinking.

Yep, yep. That's kind of how we are. And I kind of want, I was okay with that on the way here because I was excited to come, and all I wanted was a pool in Florida, in Kansas City. If you're going to buy as you move, it needs to go at a slow enough pace that you process it, you, not him, because we already know he can process it, but that you process it in a way that it involves enjoyment, pleasure. This is a time of your life. You've earned the right to pay cash for property because you're moving from a paid-for property.

You know the area. This should be a pleasurable, by and large, moving never is completely, but I mean, it's like a root canal, but a pleasurable process for you. If you feel rushed, jammed, pushed, hustled, frustrated, chill. Just rent. Yeah. But if you found the right thing and you had the appropriate number of hours or days to emotionally process it while you were making an offer then there's no limitation right and we we're still holding out hope that there's going to be that place that we both get excited about whether it's lake or land that we'll go this is it my guess is

you're going to rent and it's going to take a while because you're on a bit of a treasure hunt a little bit yeah so then my question is um what i mean in that kind of a situation most places like to have a year lease and how much would we then i mean we could spend whatever we want i guess on rent but we don't want to waste our money so then how do you determine how much rent you are spending money to buy patients right so. So how much is it worth to you? That's the question you've got to ask. Maybe you want to negotiate with the landlord up front that says, hey, if we find another place and we can find you a replacement tenant, you'll agree to release us. Okay.

Something like that. Okay. As a landlord, I happily will release any tenant early from a lease if I have a replacement. Okay. Because I often can increase the rent when they a lease if I have a replacement. Okay. Because I often can increase the rent when they leave. So I love replacements. Okay. Yeah.

And I haven't looked into specific rentals, so maybe I need to explore that a little bit more. That's not going to happen with a corporate rental like the apartment complex that's managed out of Atlanta or some such crap, right? But mom and pop like me that's got a house over here with a for rent sign from Walmart in the front yard, they'll do all kinds of deals with them as long as it makes sense for them. Right. So I guess we just need to decide what size of a house, because it's going to go anywhere from a four-bedroom for $1,800 a month to a two-bedroom, which would be cramped with

our two kids. It's completely. For closer to $1,200. You have the money. Stop the whining about the money. You've got the money. You're trying to create a process here that, I mean, you're millionaires, okay? I can feel it.

I know the numbers. I know the vibe on this. So you're there. So just enjoy. You're going to blow $15,000, $20,000 for patients to get the right property, and that's what you're going to spend on rent for a year while you just sit there and enjoy the process of finding the right property, getting the land bought. You may even extend the lease a little bit while you build the house.

That's right. So just do it at a pace. There's no, you know, one of the things money gives you is margin. It gives you wiggle room. And you've got the money to have wiggle room without forcing yourself into it. You know. But when you're broke,

it's always, you know, you're just pushed in the corner. And God, I hate that feeling because right about the time I do that

is when I do something stupid. Every time I do something stupid when that happens. That's right. Yeah. That pressure,

that I'm jammed up. I mean, I can't tell you how many times somebody said, well, the car broke down so I bought a new car.

You know, it's like, what? Why don't you just fix your freaking car? You know? Well, it broke broke down, so I bought a new car. You know, it's like, what? Why don't you just fix your freaking car? You know? Well, it broke down. It just broke down all the time.

You know, it's that same thing that's going on. But, you know, the hassle of fixing a $500 thing on a car when you're broke is a big freaking deal. Well, in our house, we're not broke. And just a couple of days ago, my wife said, hey, we've got to fix a seatbelt. We still have a child seat back there. We've got to fix a seatbelt. And the first words out of my mouth were, is it just time for us to get a new car? That one's been there a while.

And she said, I mean, that'd be nice. And so I started thinking through and talking. I've got to be on the show with Dave. I can't do that. Well, I mean, it's just what you said. It's like, or $300 solves the seat with Dave. I can't do that. Well, I mean, it's just what you said. It's like, or, $300 solves the seatbelt problem.

And, I mean, it's just how quick it was, well, clearly we need to throw this thing in the lake and start over.

Her question is a really good question. It is, but that doesn't sound like a money issue to me. No, it's a process issue. It is a heart issue. It's a process issue.

He makes decisions real fast and he's jammed her up before. Orster Inn. I know this because I've done it to my wife for 38 years. And if this is going to be the forever house, which doesn't exist, but if this is going to be it. There's no forever house. I want to go slow.

It's my dream house until your freaking dream changes. That's right. So shut up. There's no such thing. It's a house. Let's go buy it. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, I'm Christi Wright.

Listen, I know how easy it is to feel anxious in our crazy, busy world. That's why I want to tell you about an app called Glorify. Glorify is the number one daily worship and well-being app, and it will give you tools that will help you ease stress and anxiety in your life. Just search for Glorify in your app store. It's free to download and use. And if you like it, you can access their entire content library at half price by using the promo code Christy. So download Glorify today.

Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Austin is with us in Fort Myers, Florida. Hey, Austin, how are you? Pretty great. How about you? Better than I deserve, sir. How can we help? So, I recently just got married about a year ago. Congratulations. Me and my wife are trying to purchase a house, so I'm just trying to get some good advice as well.

Okay. What's your question she also has she also has some student loan debt and we're trying to figure out if this is a good time to buy a home no pay off your student loan pay off the student loan okay so you have the money to pay off the student loan um i have i have money saved before i got married to her, and I mean, I know when we got married, it's all equal as one, but it's money that I had saved before we got married. Correct, but now it's hers. Okay. It's not I have money, it's we have money now. You're now a we. When you get married, you're French. We, we. Sounds good.

Okay, so here's the thing. The old-fashioned marriage vows in the Book of Common Prayer say, In sickness and health, for richer, for poorer, unto thee all my worldly goods I pledge. You don't hear that in wedding vows much anymore. It's kind of anti-prenuptial. It's quite the opposite.'s uh if we're going to share life we are going to share the money and the problems and the good things because you're going to end up sharing them all anyway you might as well just admit it so uh this is a good time to admit it and it's a good exercise for her to accept that her student loans are paid off that

she got before marriage with off that she got before marriage with money that you got before marriage. And that's a very real sign in your relationship spiritually and financially that you have combined your households. And then you build your emergency fund, and then you save up for a good down payment. Yeah, don't go into a house without an emergency fund, man, because 100% chance something's going to break when you buy it. And you don't want to walk into that house with student loan debt, and suddenly you're swimming upstream trying to fix stuff and make that mortgage payment.

Let that house be a blessing, man. And there's something that snaps in the psyche, Dr. John, that when you force yourself to do an action that reveals that there's a new reality. Yes. It's a winnowing right it's this it's it's a test moment to where you can talk about all day long i know this is going to be ours i can be ours you could hear that here i know this is ours but but i saved it right yeah okay well cool pay it off right yeah it like, it's this shaky hand signing it off. When I really do it now is when it's a real thing. And I don't want to hate on anybody. I get that that's weird and hard.

He wasn't doing anything wrong. That's a normal process whether you've been married a year or whether you've been married 10 years. There's people married 10 years still talking like that. Oh, 30 years, 40 years with separate checking accounts. You take care of these bills, I'll take care of these bills. It's like roommates. That's exactly where they are,

they're roommates. They've never fully come together on this deal. But anything where you're changing your life, you're changing a behavior pattern, and then you have to actually do the action,

not just discuss the theory of the action, there's something that snaps in the old psyche. You have to step into it. It calls your bluff, and it begins to change you physically and neurologically. It changes you from the inside out. And all of that, Austin, calls your bluff, and it begins to change you physically and neurologically.

It changes you from the inside out. And all of that, Austin, in your situation means that your marriage is already awesome, and it's about to get a little better. Yes. That's what we're saying. And it's going to be real uncomfortable. For a minute. Right before it gets better.

Right. There you go. As you write that check, your hand may shake a little bit, and then six months later, you're going to be going, yeah, but this is the woman I love. We're debt free. This is the woman I love. That's beautiful. Daniel's in New York york city hey daniel how are you daniel hello hi daniel hey dave and john going on how are you better than we deserve sir how can we

help uh thank god um so i've been a listener for a couple years already you know i listen daily really keeps you motivated and moving in the right direction. Thank you. But yeah, of course. So I set myself up. I think I'm in a good spot. I have some money saved up in the past couple years of working, and I wanted to know what I can do to really be setting myself up for success. Okay. Are you working? You're in college? How old are you? What's your story? I'm in college. I have about a year left. Okay. What are you studying? Business management. Good for you.

Okay. What's it going to cost to finish? I have a college fund that's taking care of that, and I have some scholarships as well. Great. What's it going to cost to finish? Not sure exactly. Probably another two semesters. You don't know what a semester costs maybe like another 25 to 50 000 it's 25 each semester the crap are you going to school

yeah on mars what are you say again it's a private university. Yeah, I guess that. Where are you going to school? In the city. Is it a secret? It's a secret. Is it a secret school? What's the name of your school? What? Say it again.

It's not such a large school, so I'd rather not say. Okay. All right. It's a very small, very expensive school in New York City. It's a spy school, Dave. Yes. Okay. Well, it's'd rather not say. Okay. All right. It's a very small, very expensive school in New York City. It's a spy school, Dave. Yes. Okay. Well, it's a secret school.

Secret. All right. So you think you have enough money in the college fund and in scholarships to finish. How much money do you have saved that you're worried about investing? Like $250,000. $250,000? Yeah. Spy school,000? Yeah. Spy school's paying pretty good. This is free meat.

I'm way in the wrong job. I should have been a spy. What in the world are you doing? Where did you get $250,000? I mean, I've been working since, like, all throughout high school since I'm, like, 14. I worked really hard in high school, and I had, like, $250. Exactly. $11.

What did you do? I just, I250. Exactly. $11. What did you do? Is it a secret what you did? You were a spy in high school, weren't you? And now you're in spy school, and now you're rich. Dude, I'm so impressed. We're picking on you. These numbers are bizarre. Way to go.

Well, here's the thing. The standard answer here is this, and I'll stick with the standard answer, although these numbers are not standard. Congratulations. You're obviously a young stud. Awesome, Daniel. All kidding aside, you got scholarships. You made a lot of money already.

I never saw $250,000. Good Lord. That's amazing. Good for you. I'm so proud for you. So your first goal is graduate. You are the secret sauce to success. Graduate with no debt. You think you've got that figured out? You are the secret sauce to success. Graduate with no debt.

You think you've got that figured out? You probably do have that figured out. You probably have enough money in your account with your scholarships and your college fund to do that. I really don't care if you invest $250,000 for the next one year. That is not going to change your life. Finishing this school with zero debt and launching yourself with zero debt into the marketplace is going to change your life. And understanding that you are the secret sauce here, not the interest on $250,000 for one year.

Dave, would you recommend a 23-year-old with that kind of money to launch in and buy a house? Or would you even recommend to this guy? I'm not going to get out of school. To chill. Yeah. Get out of school. Okay.

Because when you graduate from school, you have a high rate of transition. Correct. You often change cities. You obviously start a new job, a real job. And the chances of changing another. He probably ought to keep doing the one he's doing. And it's not unusual to get married. Right.

Within 18 months of that. Right. So statistically, you don't have to. It's not like a rule. You're not doing something wrong if you don't. There's some research that says men especially do everything all at once. Right. So statistically, not everybody, you don't have to, it's not like a rule, you're not doing something wrong if you don't. There's some research that says men especially do everything all at once.

Right. That one year following school. They do everything once. And that takes some money and you probably aren't going to end up in the same city you were in.

A high statistical average you're going to end up in her city. Or is there any data on you take a job right out of college, what's the chances you're still in that job?

Five years later. Yeah. Very low. Okay, that's what I would think. Very low. These days. In the old days, it was. But these days, the average person has 17 jobs in their working lifetime.

Okay. So you've got the turnover. But, dude, you've done so well, Daniel. You're going to be all right. I think you're going to struggle through with your quarter million dollars. Yeah. You're going to figure it out. And if you all need any extra spies, Daniel, you know a guy.

You always wanted to be a spy. You always wanted to be a spy. I always wanted to be a spy. When it pays like that. I'm telling you. Bond. In high school, man. I had no idea James Bond was so loaded. He drank well, but man.

I didn't know it was a good high school. He always had a good car, but we thought it was a government car. I thought I was killing it making 20 bucks a lawn in high school. Daniel just embarrassed me, man. Well, he said 250. I didn't know what he meant. That's incredible. Way to go, Daniel.

Good for you, Daniel. We're having some fun, buddy, but my God. Only because I'm jealous. Yeah, exactly. And we're just freaked out. But yeah, you did really good, man. So graduate, graduate, graduate, graduate, graduate debt-free, then become an investor, then start your life.

Don't get in too big a hurry. You're not missing out on compound interest by being out of the market for one year, making sure you graduate. Graduate, graduate, graduate debt-free. You are the secret sauce. You are the best investment you can make. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Work doesn't have to suck. There's a reason you can't shake the feeling you were meant for more than just another J-O-B.

61% of people aren't even engaged at work, let alone doing work they love. That's why Ken Coleman, America's career coach and national best-selling author, wrote his new book, From Paycheck to Purpose, The Clear Path to Doing Work You Love. And it's available for pre-order right now. If you're looking to change jobs, get hired, or trying to figure out the work you were uniquely made to do, you need this book. Ken walks you through the proven stages that landed him his dream job and thousands of others. Plus, if you pre-order from Paycheck to Purpose today, you'll receive our Get Hired bonus

pack valued at over $100 for free. It includes the audio book, e-book, resume, templates, the Get Hired digital course, and more. Pre-order from Paycheck to Pur purpose at RamseySolutions.com. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Dead Free Stage, Chris and Caitlin are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hey, doing great. Welcome, welcome.

Good to have you guys. Where do you live? San Antonio, Texas. Good. And you're here to do a Debt Free Scream. How much did you pay off? We paid off $230,000. Hee hee!

Whoa. And how long did this take? We started February of 2015, and then we made our last payment on Christmas Day of this year. So six years? Roughly. Just shy of six years. Just shy of six years. All right.

Very good. And your range of income during that time? We started at $38,000, and then we ended at $150,000. Okay. Cool. So with that length of time and that large an amount, was that student loans, or did you pay off your mortgage? Oh, gosh. It was majority student loans or did you pay off your mortgage? Oh, gosh.

It was majority student loans. We borrowed a lot. Yes. We actually looked at the student loans as like a giant credit card where we were just living off of it, maxing out our loans and what referred to the reaping my fruit before we even planted the seeds. What's your degree in? My degree is in nuclear medicine. But currently, I work for a tech company. Okay.

And I am a physical therapist assistant. Very cool. Okay. Well, two great career fields, but boy, did you pay dearly for them, huh? Yes, we did. So much. So what's your household income now? $50,000?

$150,000? $150,000. Between the two of you. Okay. And probably on the way up, right? Oh, yes. How old are you two? I'm 33.

And I will be 38 later this year. All right. And $230,000 cleared off in six years. So tell us the story. What happened? It all started back in 2015. My boss at the time, out chad keck hey um he gifted all of his employees a the financial peace book and i read it and i thought wow

there's a plan for this it makes so much sense because we were at a point where we borrowed so much we couldn't actually borrow anymore chris was in school. I had just gotten my adult job, and I read the book, and I was like, oh, this gives me every step, how to save, how to start paying my student loans. It gave us a way out. And so after reading the book, I brought it to Chris. I was like, Chris, I think this is it. You've got to read this.

Please read this. I've never asked you to read a book before, but please read this book, Anna. Well, yeah, I read it and immediately came to her and was like, yeah, that makes sense. Let's do this. And she said, okay, one of the first things I want to do is I want to cut the cable off.

I'm like, you want to do what? And she's like, yeah. What did I just sign up for? Exactly. But I won't do that. And then she wanted to move down an apartment. We had a two-bedroom, really large apartment. And she's like, I also want to move down.

I'm like, wait, what? So I had to go back and reread your book. I was like, I missed something apparently along the way. When someone with a degree in nuclear medicine says this is how it's going to be, you just go, yeah, that's cool. I'm telling you. There you go. But then once I read your book and I caught that part of the gazelle intensity, and one of the first things I looked at was the fact that I had this brand,

this F-150 I've wanted since high school. And we had what you referred to as the log jam. I'm like, how are we going to break this up? Because we had $40 a month, $40 left over at the end of the month. I'm like, how are we going to break this up? Because we had $40 a month, $40 left over at the end of the month. How are we going to do this? And I looked at my shiny truck and said, I'm going to go sell that. And my wife was like, well, I didn't want to tell you to do that, but I'm so glad you want to do that. I was like, I can't force you to do it, but man, I'm so glad you decided on your own.

I took your house and came home. But you're a real man now that you decided that. So I sold that truck, and I got a little $3,000 Prius, and then signed up for a pizza delivering company. Wow. And I started delivering pizzas to pay cash for my college for the rest of the way. Wow. What did you make a month delivering pizzas? Oh, man.

I was pulling at least like $100 a night every single time doing that, especially whenever the Spurs were in the playoffs. How many nights a month? I was doing that five days a week during that time. So you're making like $2,000, $3,000 a month. Just off of that, but that was all going to make sure that we don't take any more student loans. I got that.

Still, that's a lot of pizza money. Very well done. I want to note that because when you made this decision, you started working really hard and your hard work was to keep you at from not digging anymore you weren't even going you weren't getting ahead at this point you worked this hard just to stay to stay level and finish school yeah between between that and the fact that i was in school with this need for gazelle intensity at the time it was the equivalent of if

the cheetah got a head start and i'm just rearing back behind the gate waiting to catch up. And then as soon as I finished school, I was working seven days a week, three different jobs. Wow. Good for you, man. Wow. And then six years later, you're done. Six years later. Oh, that's a long time.

Yes, sir. And Caitlin, you know, when a Texas guy sells his truck for Prius, he's all in. Oh, let me tell you. He's all in. God, that you he's all in god that was a hard one yeah even you're like i don't know honey i was so proud of him though because that that truck got nine miles to the gallon i was like we can't even afford the gas man that's that's impressive well when you're willing to live like no one else so that later you can live like no one else it works yes yeah it works and now you're free you're 30 years old and some change and you got no debt at all

and you make a hundred and a half on your way to 200 and a half and you know oh my gosh you got your future is multi-millionaires yes sir it's right there and i can see it i mean i see the math i've watched it for 30 years you're just gonna you're gonna do it i'm so proud of y'all thank you very much it's amazing i mean your hard work your sacrifice okay we talked about several things you did on the journey is there anything you want to add when i say when people ask how'd you do this what do you tell them definitely consistency and creating a budget i know a lot of people say you know doing the budget was the thing but we thought we were on a budget until we actually did a budget together

because I was the one that mainly took care of the finances. And when I got him involved, we were like, oh, we're missing some things. We're not covering everything. But once we got a budget, we realized what we could afford to keep us out of debt, and it kept us on the same page and helped us communicate more. It was just the whole journey was the best marriage counseling we've ever done since we never did it. So I'm glad we went through this.

So we're always on the same page and have the same goals now. I think for me, the key is to his belief, whether you're paying off debt, you're trying to lose weight or try to quit smoking. If you don't believe that what you're doing is not working, if you don't believe the process is working, or if you don't believe that the other side of all of this is worth it, then you're not going to pursue it as much without struggling. There was times where I was metaphorically crawling on my hands and knees because I was physically tired and emotionally exhausted from working so much.

But knowing that this was a light at the end of the tunnel, I kept pushing. Wow. Very, very. You're right. Very impressive. I mean, people who, if you want to sacrifice or embrace pain with no potential outcome, that's just mental illness. I mean, there has to be a reason to do this.

There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's not an oncoming thing. There has to be a little bit in there. Yeah. It's just strange, man. So you guys know that's very, very, very well done. Very well done. What was the hardest part for you?

It was literally the day-by-day and knowing it would take us so long. When we started, we knew it would be at least five years. And, of course, all the different roadblocks that came, you know, with medical bills, global pandemic. Oh, there's that. Just a little bit. And then not to mention Texas had a nice little snowpocalypse that happened. Oh, yeah. That helped.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We had that, too. Definitely day by day, just being each other's cheerleader and getting through. One of our biggest goals is we want to get a house. Yeah. Since we're in such a small apartment. And we knew if we don't do this, it's not even a possibility. Yeah. It's not even going to happen.

Well, now you can. For sure. We have more options now. Well done. I'm so proud of you guys. This is so cool. Thank you so much. They're amazing. Yeah. And your marriage, come what may, come the house buying, come kids, come in-law challenges, you have a six-year chain that y'all have built that nothing's going to come your way

that you can't figure out and sit down at a table and work together. Because that same skill you learned, budgeting, is how you're going to sit down and approach hard conversations and challenges and job layoffs and job successes. And, hey, we've got to move somewhere else. And whatever that's going to come your way. It's built into their brains now. That's right. It's who you guys are.

I'm so proud of you, man. Chris and Kaylin San Antonio, $230,000 paid off in six years, making $33,000 to $150,000. They did it. Hard work. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. All right, everybody. You might want to turn your volume down a little bit.

All right. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Wow! Unbelievable. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality is my co-host. Open phone's at 888-825-5225.

Angela is with us in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Hi, Angela. How can we help? Hi. I have a financial and relationship question. I'm sorry. You're going to speak directly into your phone. It was cutting out on you.

I have a financial and relationship problem. I'm hoping you guys can help me solve it. We'll try. Okay, so here's a bit of a back story. I was married for almost 20 years. We've been divorced about two years. I moved out about eight months ago. During the time when we were divorced but living together

we were trying to work things out but it didn't work out we have financial issues with infidelity that way and relationship infidelity we have decided we want to try to work it out where I'm currently staying though my lease is up Um, we have decided we want to try to work it out. Where I'm currently staying though, my lease is up and I can't afford rent around here on my own. And so my ex has offered to let me move back in from half of what I'd be paying at rent anywhere else. And is that okay to do while we're trying to work things out?

Or should we stay separated while we're still trying to work things out? What are you still trying to figure out after 20 years of divorce, living together after divorce, and then an eight-month breakup? What is there left to discuss? Well, we have trust issues with each other. Yeah, clearly. So what is going to come to the surface here when you move back into his house and he is able to lord over you the fact that you're paying less rent and you can't leave? How is that going to solve a trust issue? Well, see, me moving out is kind of proven to him that you can't cross that boundary and there's no consequences. Yeah, see, you're playing Russian roulette.

I know this is hard. It sounds like your relationship's over and either he likes having you around when it's convenient and you are still hanging on to this myth this fantasy that it's one day gonna he's gonna bloom and blossom and grow and he's gonna be the guy you've always wanted to be and after 20 years and a divorce and eight months of giving it another go it sounds like it's over yeah well part of it for the same answer you know you had to deal with it directly last and so i know listen listen, I'm accountable for that. It's just, it's going to be one thing

after another after another. It has been. And it's so hard. It has been. I don't want to minimize it. It has been one thing after another after another after another.

I'm hearing somebody that doesn't understand their innate value and worth. Maybe. I get told that by a few people. And I'm hearing somebody that doesn't understand their innate value and worth. You're worthy. I get told that by a few people. You are worth not being lied to and cheated on. Again and again, you're worth not moving into a house where someone's going to say, hey, by the way, I got you because I'm charging you half rent. You're worth more than someone else's table scraps.

And you've locked yourself into a, if I don't do this, I can't live here, and then I can't do... Man, there is a big, wide-open country. Lots of places you can go where people are going to treat you with the value that you're worth. And I know that's so hard to hear. Yeah, I guess it's more maybe me just afraid of the change, I guess, because in this eight months where we have been apart, I do come over almost every day. It's a bit complicated.

My brother lives with him. So I come and I see my brother and everything. So you're not really divorced? No. You've never really ended the relationship. Your relationship has continued. And it's strung on and dot dot dot. It went from the main road to the gravel road

back to the main road. It's just a mess. And if you have a scab and you keep picking it and you keep bumping it and you keep hitting it. Angela, how old are you? Thirty-nine. Okay. Do you have any children?

I have one adult child. And how old is your adult child? Twenty-two. Boy or girl? Boy. Okay. If he called you up and told you this story about him and his girlfriend, what would you tell him? I would tell him to break it off, but it's easier said than done. Why do you value him more than yourself?

Not your son, your ex. Yeah. I kind of feel responsible, I guess, for him and his relapsing. That's so much bullcrap.

Issues we were having before. That is so much before like i know i brought on issues i know i mean that's just that's just bullcrap there's no possible there's no how in the crud can you come up with the idea that this guy cheating on you you're responsible for it or him that is so drugs is your fault that's so whacked it's not if your son told you that about his girlfriend after she's cheating and sleeping all over town, and he still wants to hang on, and he said, but it's my fault she sleeps around, you would smack him.

Wake up, boy. That's what you'd tell him, wouldn't you? Yes. Because you know your son has value. Well, we know you have value. And this is just cray-cray, girl. You need to get away. That's Uncle Dave talking.

I have no psychological degrees. Dr. John's got two of them. I'm telling you this. I've got a problem with your brother. Yeah. Your brother doesn't need to be buddying up with a guy who has disrespected his sisters over and over and over again for two decades the way he has. If your brother had some courage, he would step out and y'all could get an apartment together and figure this out why you got

your feet underneath you but he's not that guy yeah and he does help me yeah actually my brother does give me uh your brother stands there while you walk back into this toxic relationship i'm not talking about money look you called and ask us what to do here's what we're telling you to do get out yeah get away don't have any more contact with this guy at all he's your ex treat him like it move on kiddo am i missing something yes the the other piece is treat yourself like somebody that you treat yourself like you like you treat the people in your life that you care about treat yourself at least as good as your ex. How about that? At least show yourself and do the work you've got to do to get that kind of dignity.

When someone's mistreating you and you continually go back to them, back to them, back to them, back to them, over and over and over again, and they continue a pattern of misbehavior, it is because you don't have enough self-respect to walk away from crap. And we're trying to say, you are worth it. You need to walk away. And you need to have zero contact with this guy. If your brother wants to talk to you, it's going to have to be somewhere else where this guy is not around and not on this property. You don't need to be on that property ever again. And you don't need to talk to this guy ever again. Ever. Period. You owe him nothing. This is over.

This is so toxic, girl. You need to get plugged into a good church. You probably need to move to a different city. Yeah. And start fresh. Make no mistake. You've been married to somebody for 20 years. At that point, they're a leg and an arm.

It's a part of you. This is going to hurt. Once you finally acknowledge this thing's over and you start the grieving process, two decades, this is over, over, it will hurt and hurt and hurt. And that doesn't mean it's wrong. That actually means you're doing the hard work of cutting that infection out, and now you're going to be on the road to healing. But you've got to be done with it. You've got to be done. Like Dave said don't go back it's over you're worth more than this dr john deloney just called your ex an infection yep yeah and your brother's not helping

he's certainly not helping it's time to go get surgery connect yourself with somebody who will see your value and i know it's hard that mirror gets dusty and dirty sometimes it's hard to see it but man i i just hate hearing that in my heart man yeah you need to get plugged into a great church i really think uncle dave's thinking you need to move to a different city and get a start because i think you're going to have to have the physical distance to have the courage to stay away yeah and have that have the discipline to stay away because your healing is only going to begin to the extent you stay away, kiddo. You're carrying in your heart his infidelity, his drug abuse, his fill-in-the-blank, his money issues. Man. It's a mess.

You're worth more than that, baby. It's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. You don't have to be mean to him. No. You just don't have to be to him. You're already divorced.

It's over. Yeah. You don't have to be. You're not required anymore. Your services are no longer needed. Wow. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. Hey guys, this is Kelly, associate producer for The Ramsey Show.

Did you know that over 16 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to DaveRamsey.com slash show.