The Ramsey Show - App - How Do I Tell My Girlfriend That She Doesn't Get a Vote About My House? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

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Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author of the book, Redefining Anxiety, and host of the hugely popular podcast by the same name. Check it out by the name, Dr. John Deloney, anyway. You can check it all out there. He talks about mental health and relationships and boundaries and all those kinds of things.

Your life, and we're going to talk about that with you today, as well as your money questions and anything else you want to dig into. This is all about you, and we talk about you right in front of you. The phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. John's in Detroit to start off this hour. Hey, John, how are you? Dave, I'm good.

How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I have a unique question. My wife and I were completely debt-free with the exception of our mortgage. We are in the process of selling our construction business, and we're going to use the profits of that to pay off the mortgage. And then we're not too certain how to handle the rest of the money.

We have about, I'd say about a $65,000 emergency fund saved up. And beyond there, we figured grow the emergency fund and then make some steps towards retirement or investing. But that's the portion that we're not too clear on what to do with. How much are you getting from the company? $525,000. I hate it when that happens. Way to go, man. Congratulations. How's that feel?

Thank you very much. You like running around the backyard yelling touchdown or what? We're going to. We're going to holler out we're debt-free first and then touchdown yeah how old are you i'm 36 way to go are you clearing any business debt on this deal or is it just 525 depositing in your checking account we we have no business debt out of the 525 is the purchase price so taxes are going to come out of that sure um how much you owe on your home uh 230 about 230 why'd you sell the business uh we'd like to slow down life a little bit we have five kids uh we're teaching them you know how to farm and and whatnot so we're just looking to slow

down life a little bit so what are you going to do for a living? I'll probably continue as an independent contractor. There's also some consulting opportunities that I've been asked about, so I'll probably proceed those as well. Okay, so you think you're going to have what kind of household income going forward? I'll easily be able to, with what we're going to do going forward, have an 80 to 100,000 household income. I'd like to lower that as much as I can and supplement our own family farm. So I'd like to get it as low as, let's say, 65 or 70. That'll be a change for our family. Why are you supplementing the family farm?

Why doesn't it make money? Well, yeah, absolutely. We're wanting to use that to create income as well, but we'd also like to make sure we're providing a good amount of our food and, you know, produce. We have cows and pigs and chickens, so we'd like to provide a good amount of our food on that as well. And then what's left definitely turn into income.

Living a dream. Way to go, man. So proud of you. I'm trying to. Well, there's three things you can do with money. You can give it, and you should. You can enjoy it, called lifestyle, and you should. And you can invest it, and you should.

So, no, you do not need to beef up your emergency fund. It's probably too big now and based on what you told me uh you do need to pay off the house i put you baby step seven the rest of the money is left to do those three things with invest give enjoy now invest could be back into the farm to get it going which is what i think i just understood um it's not a permanent loss you're going to buy things that are going to create income correct correct that's an investment that's not a lot it's not a permanent loss. You're going to buy things that are going to create income, correct? Correct. That's an investment.

That's not a cost. That's not supplementing. That's investing. And if you invest into some real estate you pay cash for or into some mutual funds like we talk about, these are the things I invest in and somewhere somewhere in there and you give some of it and you guys enjoy some of it um it sounds like the overall move is to get the get your life back um and then make sure that you're living on that you're creating enough of an income to live on and live that life without having to touch those investments so after taxes mortgage uh investing into the farm a little bit of enjoyment that i want you to splurge something just to have a woohoo moment not a lot it doesn't have to be a

lot it could be 10 000 20 000 i don't care there's something you want to buy i don't care what it is you just decide you and your wife uh and same thing about the generosity piece then you can decide what how you want to invest the rest of it. But you've done it, man. I mean, nothing you're saying is wrong. If you say, I want to give all of it, I'm going to go, yeah, think about that. I want to invest all of it, I'm going to go, yeah, think about that. I want to consume all of it hedonistically, I'm going to go, yeah, think about that.

But I think when you've got a little of all three in there, you've got a good mix. Does that make sense? That makes perfect sense. It sounds wonderful. And the deal is you and your wife need to sit down. Now, we'll tell you this. You will mess this up if you don't treat it like a building project. $525 minus taxes minus mortgage, assign those dollars. This much to generosity, this much to enjoyment, this much to the farm,

this much to mutual funds. Go ahead and before you get the money, because all of us have had the experience of putting money into a checking account and then go, where did it go? It just left. Sure. And if you don't tell it what to do, it will run off into somebody's account who does tell it what to do.

And, John, let me throw a more thing on there. Dave just talked about the money part. There's going to be an existential crisis you're going to run into in a few months because you're a hardworking, hard-charging builder, planner, scraper, clawer. That's how you built a company that you're selling for half a million dollars before you're 40 years old. And you are going to think that everything's going to be great on the back end because you have done this thing. If you don't have a new mission, a new purpose, a detailed plan for what your days are going to look like, your weeks, your months, where are you and your wife working towards, we're just going to get some more time with our family.

You're going to get real restless. You're going to get real annoying to each other. And then all of a sudden, I've seen families implode on each other, Dave, when somebody just retires without a plan or somebody just, you know, I finally got enough money to pay my house. Yeah, well, I had a friend that sold his stuff, John. What John Deloney is talking about, John, sold his business. He was 32

years old he sold it for a million and a half and um he said i you know i've been working since he was 16 on that business growing it and um he said for the next three years i went fishing and got fat and he said i almost i almost died and he said and and so what did he do? At 35 years old, he went back to work. Because you need to have something to lay your hand to. So better to say, I'm going to do this consulting thing, I'm going to do this, have something to lay your hand to, because kicking your feet up in the air, kicking back in the chair, sitting in the recliner at 36 is a bad plan. Terrible plan.

It's not what your plan is, but just to John's point, you can't fish that much, you can't play that much golf. You need something to do that has meaning. And I do a little of both of those, neither one of them have meaning. This is The Ramsey Show. With more frequency than you know, I get calls and emails from people dealing with the recent loss of a spouse or a parent. You can hear the struggle and the heartache that they've been experiencing.

And at a time they should be grieving, what breaks my heart the most is the strain and tension that they're going through because of money, especially when it's a situation that could have been avoided. If you have a family, it is your responsibility to have term life insurance. It's one of the things you do to say I love you. And yes, this is an ad for Zander Insurance. But since this is one of the most effective ways I have to get my point across, so be it. For over 20

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It's what you're supposed to do. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today as we take your questions about your life and your money. The phone number, 888-825-5225. Life gets busy, we know this. Between work, family, summer vacations, everything in between. Sometimes marriages take a backseat and the connection with your spouse can fade. 39 years on Saturday, last Saturday for me.

Congratulations, man. 39 years. That's dangerously close to 40. 39 years. So, yeah, this is real. Time to reconnect, bring back the spark romance fun with Summer Flying By. It's a perfect time for a summer date night. On Friday, July the 16th, join Rachel Cruz and Dr. John Deloney for the Money and Marriage livestream event.

Rachel and Dr. Deloney are going to teach you how to navigate the top challenges married couples face today when it comes to money and intimacy. You'll learn how to get clear on what you need from your partner and how the two of you can have a better conversation, build the future you're excited about. For you Ramsey Plus members, you've got access to the event as part of your membership. If you're not a Ramsey Plus member, early bird passes are on sale right now for only $20. Early bird prices won't last long. That's why they're called early bird prices. Text marriage to 33-7-89. The problem with

the money in marriage event is it's Rachel and John doing it and both of them are funny. It's like a comedy routine between the two of you. Very serious and very intellectual comedy routine. She reminds me a lot of my sister between the two of you yeah she's very serious and very intellectual comedy routine she's uh

she's reminds me a lot of my sister and it gets off the rails pretty fast there's usually a few people making sure the boat stays in the water there yeah they're trying to keep you two between the ditches but um oh my gosh yeah and both of you are wicked smart and both of you have a lot to say about money and about marriage and And so the overlap is fabulous. The chemistry is good, and the material, the content is absolutely amazing. And one thing we know for sure, having done this show for 30 years now almost, is that marriage and money are tied together. You cannot untie them. You cannot talk about money without talking about marriage if you're married, and you cannot talk about money without talking about marriage if you're married and you cannot talk about marriage without talking about money because they they just

because your treasure is where your heart is where you spend your money just says so much about what's going on in the power structure of the relationship what's going on in the communication style in the relationship we found this out accidentally years ago making couples do a budget together uh and what they come back and go this is the best marriage class we've ever had. Because we dig up all kinds of stuff, right? Yeah, we forced them to combine their value systems, and they never had. Yeah. The beauty of this conversation with me and Rachel, or this event, is we're both married.

And we're both trying to figure out money. And so you can have all the academic insight you want, all the knowledge, and read all the studies. It's a totally different thing when me and Sheila are trying to figure out budgets, right? Because her childhood comes up, and my childhood comes up, and what I want. And Rachel's my daughter, so she had a childhood. Oh, my God. Can you imagine being raised as my kid? No, actually.

That right there is a counseling session in and of itself. Yeah, the mental health practitioners of America think parents like you for keeping us all in business. But yeah, the last one we did in February for Valentine's Day, we had 20,000 people on the stream. It came out from under us, right? So we're excited to do this again. I don't know about you guys, but this summer is just six months in. Can you believe we're six months into after 2020? Yeah.

It just happened overnight, and everyone's still trying to figure out what we're doing. 2020 happened to marriages, and 2020 happened to money. Yeah. Both. And we're all healing and figuring out. People are trying to get the water back even again, you know. And so July the 16th, Rachel Cruz, Dr. John Deloney, the Money and Marriage livestream event. $20 is all it is for early bird pricing.

Ramsey Plus members, watch for free. So, well, that's part of your membership. It's not free, but it's part of your membership. It's not free, but it's part of your membership. And all you got to do, if you want to sign up, text marriage to 33-789. Marriage to 33-789. If you can agree on your spending, you have agreed on your future. It's a big deal. If you agree to stay married, you're agreeing to sit down and have some hard conversations about what money means in your house. It's a big deal. If you agree to stay married, you're agreeing to sit down and have some hard conversations

about what money means in your house. Yeah. Both and, right? You know, it's very expensive to end a marriage. Yeah. I mean, it sets you back a decade or more. You can lose a lifetime of work in that.

The old laughing, the old not funny joke is marriage is grand, divorce is 50 grand. I never heard that joke. Bad joke but yeah but very true but it's also you go uh-huh yeah although i did have one guy call in and i said how'd you get debt free and he goes i divorced her well oh wow and there's there's that a lot of men couples couples tend to, when they divorce, they tend to have really divergent paths financially about what that means for each person. Anyway, man, if you're all in, stay in.

Join us for this event. It'll be fun. Yeah. There's a lot of ways to fix both of them or to get better at both of them. You know who comes to this? It's not usually the people that are in crisis. It's usually the people that are just wanting to learn so they never face a crisis. Or when they face a crisis, they've got the tools.

How do I get my marriage at a six? How do I get it to an eight? Yeah. It's not, I'm at a negative four. We're in nuclear meltdown, and we think a $20 live stream is going to fix it. It's not. But sometimes you sit on the couch to watch a live stream, and you think you're at a seven. You realize, oh, we're at a four.

4.5. We need to go talk to somebody. 4.875. It's good. Yeah, we're at a 4. 4.5, 4.875. It's good. Yeah, it's good. So July the 16th, text marriage right now, and you can get signed up. Text marriage to 33-789. The Money and Marriage event, Dr. John Deloney, Rachel Cruz.

It will be fab. Bob is with us. Bob is in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Hey, Bob, how are you? Thank you, Dave, for taking my call. I just want to thank you also. We've been done FPU since 2003. Our lives are changed.

We're eternally grateful, and I want to thank you for that so much. Cool. My question is, we have a family trust, and we have three wonderful girls, our seventh grandchild on the way and so forth. And we, two of them work with us in the business and the other one has a successful business with her husband in another state about three hours away, same line of business and so forth. We are planning on leaving and the trust is for all three of them, but the business we're planning for the two of them that work with us. Do you see anything wrong with that?

Should the business be left for all three, or is the trust is, but not the business, the way we have it right now? What's your thoughts on that? The ownership of the business is inside the trust? That's a great question. My wife and i were talking about that that we just had this done um it's it's we've separated it from from the three yet we had we had a well you can have a trust with three people and in the terms of the trust are the business goes to two people you can have a trust like that and everything else is divided three ways inside the trust you could do that as well so i don't know how you've got a structure.

It really doesn't matter. So what you're doing is fine. There's nothing morally wrong with it, nothing relationally wrong with it, as long as everybody's on board. I'll give you a thought and then a pointer, okay? Thought number one that we learned early in our process is to separate working in the business as your career is a separate thing than ownership.

Okay. In other words, you don't have to work in the business to be an owner. That's true of any business, by the way. You could just be an investor, right? And so in our case, we chose to do it differently than you have rachel's obviously a personality my son daniel is on our operating board and uh one of our executive senior executive vice presidents uh running a whole section of this business today uh my daughter denise does not work here like you're like one of your kids uh in our case the kids own the business one-third

each and are paid for their one-third each as an owner off the owner line the other the two that work here rachel's paid like john deloney's paid off the personality line and daniel's paid like our other senior executive vice presidents. So they get paid for their job, but then the ownership is different. That's owning stock in the company. You can separate those two, and you haven't. So that's a thought. If you want to keep it like it is, it's just fine.

There's nothing wrong with what you've done. The pointer I'll give you is this. Whatever you're going to do, make sure you've explained it thoroughly to everyone over dinner. Where everyone's sitting together and everyone looks at each other and everyone's happy for each other and everyone loves each other. We're not going to fight about this after we're gone or I'll come back and haunt you people. This is The Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Charlie and Rachel are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hey.

Hey, how's it going? Better than I deserve. Welcome. Where do you guys live? We live in Park City, Kansas, just outside of Wichita. Oh, yeah. Very nice. Well, welcome to Nashville.

Thank you. Good to have you. Love it here. And all the way here to do a debt-free scream. How much have you paid off? We paid off $40,485. Very good. And how long did that take?

28 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time? $65,000 to $80,000. Cool. What do you guys do for a living? I am a police officer with the Wichita Police Department. And I stay at home and have a side gig where I refinish furniture.

Oh, cool. Very good. So what kind of debt was this? $40,000. It was two credit cards, a car debt, also braces, and then we also had to cash flow emergency dental care that happened when we started the program. Okay. Wow. Wow.

So you guys were kind of normal. Yeah. Yeah. Just making money and it's all gone. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And two and a half years ago 30 months or so ago something happened

what happened uh you know we really just got tired of of our money just being gone like you said like every month uh we live paycheck to paycheck and at the end of the month our money went to everybody else except for us yeah definitely we'd get i think we did davish for a long time so we decided so you kind of knew ramsey stuff we did ramsey issue for a long time. So we decided. So you kind of knew Ramsey stuff. Yeah, we did. Ramsey-ish. You knew what you were doing a little bit, but didn't do it.

Yeah. And then we went and did the class and just decided that we just needed to go full force and get it done. So the class gets you off of center or you went to the class after you got off of center? No, we were kind of doing Dave-ish. Yeah. And then our friend offered the class oh and they said hey that's game on yeah so that's the gas on the fire right it is yeah yeah and it was you know right at the beginning uh the the class teacher encouraged us to cut our credit cards up and i was very hesitant that was kind of my fallback that's

when you knew you were ish yes yes and then uh probably a month after the class i think i said you know what we're going to cut these things up and we cut them up and i've never had a credit card again and i never will wow just like that yeah laid the pack of cigarettes down never pick it up again that's exactly exactly smoking again exactly and we've paid cash for everything ever since and it's been it's been wonderful i love it i love it so this past year has been gnarly for stay-at-home moms, for police officers, for people's finances. How have you guys just kept taking another step and another step? What's kept y'all going through a really messy year and a half or two years? Yeah, we were right on track.

We planned to pay it off in probably like 20 months, 24 months. And then one weekend, I work extra part-time jobs. I work security at churches, baseball games, whatever I can to make more money. And it all stopped. It ended. So, you know, it was really just working together and having that budget and sticking to it that helped us get through it. And it extended it a little bit, but you know what, we're not going to quit. Yeah, it was a crazy year. Like you said, just within 24 hours, all that extra money that we had worked so hard for, he worked so hard for was gone because of COVID. And we're thinking, well, that's it. We're just going to be in debt, you know. And then, you know, we had a rough year because of all the turmoil that our country's gone through and the rioting. And so Charlie actually worked so much overtime that we just took all that money and just kept going,

just kept throwing it at debt. And at the end, it actually wasn't that much longer. It was only four months past what we had originally planned. So God still provided for us and it was great. But during that time, you know, there were times where we thought, man, we're going to, we're not going to make our goal. It's not going to happen, but it ended up being great. But during that time, you know, there were times where we thought, man, we're not going to make our goal. It's not going to happen. But it ended up being great. And we got through it. Yeah.

And, I mean, I could say when we first started, just thinking $1,000 a month emergency fund seemed like unreachable for me. Because it was like at the end of the month you had like $25 left over. But it's possible. And $40,000, if you would have asked me when we first started that you're going to pay off $40,000 in 28 months, I would have laughed. But we put our minds to it and worked together, and we did it. And you had all these hills and valleys all along the way that you didn't anticipate when you started.

Once you put down the $40,000 and said, we're doing this, but you didn't know pandemic. You didn't know suddenly you were going to lose all the OT, all the extra job stuff. You didn't know all these challenges were going to come. But what is so interesting to me is that a couple working together as one unit or a person, when they set something very clearly in their mind

and then someone tells them or something tells them, oh, you're not on track, we just automatically adjust our lives to get back on track right once we really believe it i mean it's like we cannot it's something upsetting to our psychology that says oh wait a minute that's already assumed then i'm not going to unassume it we're going to do something else right and you found another way right exactly and god sent you another mean, it's just, it's so weird how you grab, the gravitational pull of a clearly defined vision, clearly defined goal is, it's pretty amazing. I'm so proud of y'all.

Thank you. It's been, it's been great. And I think, you know, in the last two years, like we, we, our car needed four brand new tires all of a sudden. And it was, I mean. No, it doesn't. Not all of a sudden. Well, not all of a sudden.

They don't wear out all of a sudden. But we had the money. And we just put four new tires on there. You realized it all of a sudden. Oh, crap. Those little belt things are waving at you. Yes, exactly. When you go out to the garage, that little thing's sticking out there looking at me.

Yeah, we just started paying attention more. And it's amazing what happens when you pay attention and work together. A lot cheaper than a flat. Yes, exactly. And the first time we cash flowed our Christmas time was amazing because we really had to strategically figure out, you know, what all is going to be under the tree and things of that nature for each other. And before, we would just kind of throw it on a credit card and then see where we were at January 1. And our kids had to learn the word no, which they lived through it.

So. Yeah. Right. They look like they're still breathing. I know. Shocking. Yeah. They're quite alive.

Yeah. That's just so extraordinary. What do you guys tell people the key to getting out of debt is? You know, it's just working together. And really, I don't think I'm more of the free spirit. And I like to, man, I like to go to TGI Fridays and have the big steak and potatoes every Friday. And she's more of the conservative one. So it's really working together and staying on that budget and having that budget every month is really what has kept us there.

And being both of us on the same page, I think, is the key for us. I still don't like to do the budget, even though I'm a saver. It's stressful, but it has to be done. But then once it's done, it's like, okay, now I have a roadmap. Now this is where we are. This is what we're doing for the month. So it's kind of a crazy feeling, but I don't know what we would do without the budget now. That's even scarier.

And the security you feel being out of debt and just having a budget and you having money available for emergencies, I can tell you, husbands, it's good for your spouses to feel that security. And I could tell the difference when we're at this point we are now. Yeah, it's a big deal. Yeah. Financial peace. Yes, exactly.

Two words that don't go together like Fauci math. Pretty cool. Pretty neat, dude. Well done, you guys. Thank you. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Very, very well done.

And you brought the kiddos. Bring them up. What are their names and ages? Let's get them in the debt-free screen. This is Brooke, and she's 14. She just turned 14. All right. And this is Noah.

He's nine. All right. Good-looking guys. Way to go. Good family. This is fun. You changed their lives, Mom and Dad. You're heroes.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm proud of you. Yep. Well done. She's saving for a car right now. Doing well. Doing well. Yeah.

Good stuff. Well, we've got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you. That's the next chapter in your story. You've changed your legacy, and you'll get to read about that and learn more about it as you go. And also an extra copy of the Total Money Makeover, so you can give that away. Like your friends encouraged you guys to go to that Financial Peace University class, and when you went, ding, ding. Yep.

No more ish. Right. Exactly. It's the antidote for ish. There we go. I like it. Good stuff. All right.

Charlie and Rachel, Brooke and Noah, Wichita, Kansas, $40,000 paid off in 28 months, making $65,000 to $80,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Yeah!

That is fabulous. So well done, you guys. Incredible. Way to go, guys. Well done. Yeah! That's how you pull it off. I love it. Two people with a goal can do

anything. Yeah. And will adjust their lives to hit that goal. Because you're going to hit bumps. And you just reset the steering. Reset the steering. I love it. This is the Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Our question of the day comes from one of America's finest companies, Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee if you order a window blind from them and you screw up the order.

You screw up the order. Like, you mismeasure it. You pick the wrong color. I've done stupid stuff. This company has a you did stupid stuff policy, and they'll fix your blinds, remake them for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run all the time, save even more. Always use the promo code RamseyBlinds.com. All right, today's question comes from Brian in Texas. My girlfriend and I have been together for six months. I recently

started working with a real estate ELP to buy my first house. I know this is going to turn into a huge fight, but I really don't want to bring my girlfriend into the process. I'm the one signing the documents, and I'm the one responsible for the loan. I'd prefer to have the home closed on first and then tell her about it, rather than having to explain how she does not get a vote

in this process. Please let me know how horrible of a person I am, and what the proper way to handle this would be. What do you think, Dave? Danger. Danger. There's something wrong with your relationship, dude.

That's right. There's something wrong that you don't want to include her. There's something wrong you think is going to be a fight. There's something wrong. Yeah, it just seems to be messy. He's something wrong yeah that just seems to be messy he knows something about her that he's uncomfortable with is that fair uh you know what i think huh i'm i'm reading but we're both reading between the lines because this is all we've got we've got this paragraph that's why these are fun that's why you can just make up whatever we want brian brian

come on he's a handsome guy yeah you can just paint him up we want. I can invent Brian. Brian. Come on. He's a handsome guy. Yeah. You can just paint him up, have a big, whatever picture he wants. So she is already married in her mind. Yep. And he ain't nowhere near close. And she has a say in what he wears, where they go, what they eat, what his car needs to be cleaned. Because they're already married in her mind. That's right. and in his mind

we're just sort of dating so you don't get to pick my house right yeah I think that's what the breakdown is and on the other side of that what was the thing when our kids were teenagers they called it uh define the relationship DTR define the

relationship yes he has not done this no you know why because she's already defined it for them I know Define the relationship. DTR. Define the relationship. Yes. He has not done this. No. You know why? Because she's already defined it for them. I know, but they are not on the same wavelength. I'm guessing. I know nothing.

I've been married 39 years. I've been out of the market so long. I don't know how this works, okay? But, oh, my gosh. That's what it sounds like to me. It's a red flag to me. If someone's been together six months and you want to, I'm not worried about, hey, this is your house. She doesn't get a vote, that's all fine.

It's that you are thinking about doing something that's going to bring you this much stress, it's this big of an event in your life, and you want to hide it from her. And that tells me that you guys are not settled in the way y'all communicate, not settled in the way you guys work together, and so you feel like you have to hide, go around her back.

Because, Brian, you're being dishonest here. That's the reality. Now, I don't think you're making a bad decision by saying. Or you're a horrible person. You're not a horrible person. No, not at all. You might be a drama queen, but you're not a horrible person. So I think, man, I'd sit down and say, I'm about to buy a house.

I've already picked one out. Or I'm going to be picking one out. This is my decision. This is going to be a hard conversation, right? Because if I'm thinking, if I'm about to buy a house, I've already picked one out, or I'm going to be picking one out, this is my decision. This is going to be a hard conversation, right? Because if I'm thinking, if I'm dating someone for six months, and you want to exclude me from this big of a thing, that's a signal to me, right?

Yeah, that we're not, anytime soon, going to live in this house together. Nope. And, not only that, you don't even want me to, like, have input on the sidewalk, right? Like, this is a big signal. Yeah, I think... I just want to hug brian i i you know i want to hug brian okay so one or two or three things if if i'm right and

they're on different wavelengths on how close this is to marriage and what the probability is it's going to end up in marriage and is she going to live there she thinks she's moving in next week he thinks maybe next decade maybe maybe or maybe you're just my date of the week right um you're not you know so if if they're i think sir this might be a cue for you to sit down and define the relationship that's two of you two and say and you know you would just say something like i was thinking about doing a big decision and i realized that you were gonna maybe want more input in that and it made me realize we probably weren't on the same track so I'm not trying to run you off I like where we are but I think you're over here might be over here and I might be over here right and let's

get aligned on that and then if you can get aligned on we're just dating then it's not offensive for you to buy a house and it's never okay second option, this chick is overbearing and a control freak, and you need to run. And run, don't lie. Right? Yeah. Yeah, just go, you don't get a say because you don't get a say in anything. That's right. We're not together anymore, right?

Because if I'm already scared of you and I'm not married, this is a problem. That's the big neon sign, right? I hear this all the time so i go to play golf on saturday or sunday morning and the uh golf guy let me go out first because i was by myself because sharon had the grandbabies and i had to get like play real fast by myself before they woke up and she got to care for them by herself because i it's tag team event when you have three grandbabies right so uh in other words've got to get back to the house or I'm in trouble and this golf game is not going to have gone well for my day.

You follow me? So I'm standing there with these three old guys, and they had me up with them. I said, guys, y'all let me go three minutes. I'll be out of your way. You'll never see me again. I'm going to play so fast it's blinding. And they go, oh, yeah, we understand. We're scared of our wives too.

But it was like four old guys on the golf tee. Old men, wife joke, right? Right. And nobody's serious. I'm not scared of my wife. But he's scared of her. That's right. And his fear is making him become a person who lacks integrity.

Yeah. So don't do that. Have the hard conversation. You're not a horrible person. No. Don't be a drama queen and don't be coward. Have the hard conversation. You're not a horrible person. No. Don't be a drama queen, and don't be cowardly. And, dude, she's going to find out anyway. You're going to buy a house.

It's like, oh, yeah, that thing four months ago, I forgot to tell you, I don't live there anymore. So you're going to have a hard conversation now, or a hard conversation plus one about how you lied to her next month. Exactly. Either way, have it, dude. Exact wreckery. That's the whole thing brian you know what though this is one of those things we're talking about marriage and money in the first segment and how you got you and rachel doing this money and marriage event this time it's

tied together that's right because now he's making a financial decision and what's it doing it's reflecting he didn't have a question about how to do the mortgage he didn't have a question about whether he could afford the house he didn't have a money question in a relationship question what was there surfaced by a money decision right and then his response to dealing with that money decision is making him um it's revealing it's revealing. It's revealing. There you go. It's revealing in him a default setting to, I'm going to hide. I'm going to lie. I'm going to put things in a drawer so she can't see them. Right?

And so it's this, the money reveals the character, and character reveals the money. It all works together. Yeah. Yeah. And he's not a person of lacking integrity. No, not at all.

But all this is, is it just signals problems in a relationship. Absolutely. Some kind of problem. Either she's an overbearing control freak or you guys are on different lanes or there's a third possible option. I don't know what it is, but those are the two that come to my mind. And now, listen, Brian, next week when I'm in here with you, Dave,

and we get a Blinds.com question from her. Angry girlfriend in Texas. Yeah. Said, you guys told my boyfriend to dump me. That's not what we're saying. Just have a Blinds.com question from an angry girlfriend in Texas. She said, you guys told my boyfriend to dump me. That's not what we're saying. Just have a hard conversation. Yeah, well, no. If she's a control freak, I said dump her.

I didn't say dump her. Listen, if the whole thing comes down to she has to control your decisions after six months, this ain't getting better. You're done. No. This is not going to get better. No. No, thank you.

Or vice versa. It doesn't matter whether it's boyfriend or girlfriend that's right if he's controlling all of her decisions now run marry him run girl it doesn't fix after that's the wedding that's not gonna it's not gonna get anything but worse that's right so there you go uh yeah you know and like all money things and relationship things do share this in common, too, that you and Rachel doing that money and marriage event together. If you extrapolate the decision and expand it, the results of the decision. In other words, you say, I'm going to reach 10 years out from this decision. How does it affect me?

And I'm going to make it a hundred times larger. So these relationship issues in this email, in this blinds.com question, a hundred times bigger and ten years from now. And so the house had nothing to do with it. It was just the revealing point that says, okay, are you going to lie to your wife for ten years about purchases? Right. Are you going to, because you're afraid of her reaction. Are you going to lie to your wife for 10 years about purchases? Right. Because you're afraid of her reaction.

Are you going to hide? Or are you going to live with someone who's going to try to control all your decisions? And you can't come to a meeting of the minds and discuss things and negotiate through them. These are things. You reach out past just this decision, and sometimes the answers go ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Real clear. Yeah. They just open up for you. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. You got it, Brian. You can do it, ding, ding, ding. Real clear. Yeah. They just open up for you. Wow. Wow, wow,

wow, wow. You got it, Brian. You can do it, man. You got this. I'm glad you do, not me. You got this. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. This is James, senior producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week?

And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com.