The Ramsey Show - App - How Do We Move On Financially After My Husband’s Infidelity? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

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Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Christy Wright, author of the new book, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. And I am joined today by my very good friend, fellow Ramsey personality, Rachel Cruz. We are hanging out, answering your calls. So give

us a call, 888-825-5225. Anybody that knows Rachel and I, y'all know we love to talk. So we are here to talk to you. We'd love to hear your story, answer your question, give you some advice that may help you make a decision or just kind of like the last call. Maybe just find some hope in an area that you need it. We all need that from time to time. So give us a call. 888-825-5225. And we're going to kick this off with New York.

Oh, New York, New York with Xavier. Let's see if I said that right. Hey, how are you? I'm doing very well. Thank you. How are you guys? Javier. Sorry, Javier.

How are you? I'm blessed to be on measure. How are you? Great. Great answer. How can Rachel and I help today? Okay. So I'm 25 years old.

I guess in Baby Step 3, I have a little over $30,000 invested. But should I invest $13,000 into a career that I have no passion for, but would help me pursue my passion? I have so many follow-up questions. What is this career? Why does it need $13,000? Okay, so I graduated in business management, and I've gotten job offers that pay well, $70K, $80K. But my passion is going to, like, because I grew up in Mexico. I was born in the U.S., but grew up in Mexico. And I like going back and giving back to them because there's a lot of

people there that are very underprivileged, are very hungry and just it's bad. And so right now I actually work with Grubhub because it gives me the ability to just come work as much as I can and then go back and pretty much just give most of it away. And so I want to get into software development. I don't have a passion for it, but I know it's something that I could get a remote job for where I could travel and with that money be able to do what I love, which is just helping others in these countries. Well, I love your heart. I love your heart to help people.

I love how you're thinking. You're very others-centered, Javier, and I think that's an amazing posture. By the way, that's not something that can be taught, and that's going to serve you really well in life, whatever you do. I will tell you, I challenge the fact that the only way that you can make good money

to be able to do what you want to do is through software development. I think there's a lot that you can make good money to be able to do what you want to do is through software development. I think there's a lot of ways to make good money to be able to do what you want to do. Yeah, I mean, especially in our world now. I mean, there are more remote jobs, you know, freelance, contract-based, online-based than ever before. What's your background in? So, I'm in business management. Right, Okay. Yeah. Besides, Javier, besides obviously

giving to the country you grew up in, in a financial way, which I think is beautiful. And like Christy said, absolutely amazing. What else would you say that you love? What other things are you passionate about? I'm just trying to find a way because the perfect, because yes, could you go do software development, make 80 grand, change people's lives in Mexico with that 80 grand? 1000%.

Absolutely. But I think a bigger win would be to make that 80 grand or more doing something that you love and is fulfilling and you're passionate about and the creativity and the way you're gifted,

all of that is coming together to make a great income to do the same thing. So that's the ultimate goal. And so my question would be, is there anything else besides, yes, you have a degree in business and all that, but is there any other career path or anything else that you just love and you're passionate about? So I think it's just, I'm very people oriented.

So I hear Ken sometimes ask like, Oh, if you could wake up tomorrow and do whatever you want and not fail, it would just be something where I can inspire people, give them hope. Where they're like, wow, you know what? I mean, I grew up with this atmosphere my whole life thinking that this was my future forever, but there isn't. And you know, i mean i grew up with this atmosphere my whole life thinking that this was my future forever but there isn't and you know there is a whole there's a future out there for me because um you know that that's where i would be like just and i don't know what position that would be what job position that would be hey let me tell you something really cool javier

what you just described is not software development. You are a people person. You are a people person. You get your energy from people. Rachel and I, we're speaking your language. We are wired just like you. Extroverts. We all hang out, Javier. We all hang out.

You can do something. You can do something. You don't need to do software development. You will die a little inside every day. I can see it. Let me just give you an example as one possible avenue for you. Just one. This is not the one you have to do, but just to show you. You could absolutely make 80

grand as a business coach, inspiring people, working with people. I have women in my coaching group, The Academy, that are business coaches, that are consultants that make well above 80 grand coaching small business people one-on-one. I coach them to coach their people. You could do that virtually. You could do it through Zoom. You could do it through a subscription model. You could do it on the road. You could do it through courses. You could have a YouTube show, a podcast. You could have a blog. There's so many ways, creative ways for you to do what you want to do, to use your gifts and talents, which you're going to be better in business when you do what you're good at and passionate about.

If you're not passionate about something, people will feel it. And so I want you to brainstorm what you could do that you're excited about, that you're excited about that can also make good money. And, you know, Sheryl Sandberg said in her book, Lean In, some of the best career opportunities are not positions that are posted, but problems that you solve. And that thing becomes your job. And so I think that you can figure out what problem you want to solve for people. Who do you want to help?

What people group here, from a business standpoint, from even a freelance standpoint, that you want to serve? Or maybe there's a company. I'm not saying it can't be a company. You can make good money with a company. In a business field, you might start out making less than $80,000,

especially when you're right out of school. You'll probably start out less than that, work your way up. There's a lot of ways to go about it. I just want to challenge you that the only way to do what you just described you wanted to do is not doing something you hate. In fact, I think that's a bad strategy to get there because you're going to be miserable. You're not going to want to stick with it when it's hard because you're miserable. The results are going to be poor because you're miserable.

And the people on the other end of your work are going to sense that you're miserable. And so we just want to help you figure out your strengths and stay in them. You'll stay on the line. I am just being very generous with Ken Coleman's book today. I am Santa Claus with Ken Coleman's book. Stay on the line, Javier. We will have Jenna get you the pre-order for Ken Coleman's new book, From Paycheck to Purpose. He also has an assessment that goes along with it to help you identify what your strengths, what your passions, the results you want to get.

This is literally what we're talking about with you today. You can take that assessment now, I believe, when we get you set up there. Jenna will do that. And then when the book is available in November, send you a copy of that. You follow that. He'll show you his path to figure out what you're going to do. But I guarantee you what you're going to do, what you should do is something that you love, something you're passionate about, something that gets you excited so that you can make the impact that you want to make. I can't wait to find out what that is for you. Thanks for calling. This is The Ramsey Show. Imagine a world where people never have to worry about money ever again. At Ramsey Solutions, our mission is to teach people how to get out of debt and build lasting wealth.

And if that means we have to take on the toxic money culture that says you need debt to get ahead, then we're okay with that. We've seen millions of lives changed, and we will continueSharp, and front-end technologies. Or if you're a UX designer or an SEO and content marketing specialist, we'd love to talk with you. Together, we will disrupt the toxic money culture in America. Find out about all the available jobs by texting careers to 33789. Text careers to 33789 to find out about all our open opportunities. I'm Christy Wright and joining me today is my good friend Rachel Cruz and we are taking your calls. 888-825-5225. Give us a call if you have a question about money. Of course, as always, business, how to have enough time, maybe just a big decision you're facing and you want to run it by someone. Sometimes it's good to have a objective outside third party and we would love

to talk to you and help you think through that. 888-825-5225. Find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promo codes they run every month, you'll save even more.

Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. So today's question comes from Lindsey in California. My husband and I are in baby step two with about $18,000 in debt. I work in elementary education in a high poverty area, so my students often go without. I can't help but buy extra shoes, extra snacks, and classroom supplies for them. Do I stop donating completely until we're in a better place financially, or should I budget a small amount for school each month? Even though we are in debt, I can't help but see how much more we have, and there's so much guilt tied to that.

How do I handle this? I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Lindsay, that is difficult because day in and day out, you're faced with a really hard issue, right? Poverty is an issue that obviously tries to be tackled from all different types of directions with all different types of thoughts and all of that. So what I want you to say is that this is an issue that has been forever, even in biblical times, right? There are elements of poverty. So I don't want you to have this savior mentality because you feel the weight of the world that you're not Jesus. You're not going to be able just to take all the pain away.

So I need you to feel that for a little bit. But also what I love so much is that these students have you in their lives because you obviously care for them. You obviously see the need. That might be very obvious some days, more so than others. And you want to fulfill that need.

And I think that's an absolutely beautiful thing. And that's one part of our financial plan that I love so much that we stand on, that you give something every month. We recommend 10% no matter where you are financially. And depending on if you're a person of faith, if you consider that the tithe or if there's something else you want to give to, but that giving is going to be part of your financial formula, even on baby step two, even on baby step one. So giving is part of this. So a couple of things to consider. Number one, yeah, that you can continue to give. Absolutely. And maybe you and

your husband agree on maybe a certain dollar amount or a percentage every month consistently. And if this is where you're choosing to give, then that's great. I what we always say, that financial foundation to give even more. Because that's what we talk about around here is that you live like no one else. So later you can live and give like no one else. So the impact that you can make when you don't have payments and you don't have that $18,000 hanging over your head, that when your income comes in, it's not going out to debt payments. It is all yours. You're going to be able to give so much more even then, which is just a beautiful thing. So I don't want you to feel like you have to be Jesus and that you're going to save every situation. I think that it can be easy to get sucked in because you know these kids, you know their stories, and it's heartbreaking and all of that, but you're not going to save them in a sense of being Jesus in that way.

But I think you have a beautiful opportunity to help in a really, really impactful way. And I think even more than just money. I think the money portion obviously is a tactical way to help that they are in need of, and of extra snacks and shoes and all of that. But you being a support system in a place that maybe they have a lot of instability at home, that you can be that stable person. There's an emotional, spiritual gift that you can also give them that I'm sure you are, Lindsay. You sound like an incredible woman. Yeah. And the thing that I would just encourage you, and Rachel said this, but I just want to

reiterate, is just come up with a number. Come up with a number that you put in your budget for that giving. Is it a percentage of your income? Is it a dollar amount? And you just say, hey, we're going to set aside this, this piece of our giving for this specific cause. And then what I think that's going to help you do, Lindsay, is I think it's going to help you set a goal around that, a boundary around it, define success. And I don't mean that success like you're now Jesus, but it just gives you something versus always feeling like, wow,

no matter what I do, it's not enough. It doesn't make a dent. Instead, you're going, hey, let you and your spouse sit down and pray about what is the number that you feel good about? Hey, every month we want to set aside this amount of money for this specific thing, for the socks, for the snacks, for the shoes, for the supplies. And we're intentionally choosing to give that. And so on the months where it's needed and the months where it's not, you get to decide how you allocate that money for this thing that you care deeply about. And I think it's just going to put some healthy boundaries around it where it doesn't feel like, oh my gosh, no matter what I do, it's never enough.

But then you also get to exercise that part of your heart where you want to give. So I love that. It's a great question. And, yeah, your students are lucky to have you. You sound wonderful. All right. We're going to go to, where is this, Maine with Ashley. Ashley, how are you?

Good. How are you guys? Good. What's going on? Good. So I have been between baby step one and two for a few years now. And I'll admit sometimes I lose my gazelle intensity, but I have a lot of like chronic medical stuff and I have insurance. But sometimes, like, I just have extra bills that I have to pay for it. And I guess I'm just looking for a little encouragement or advice because I kind of hold off on medical things to be able to, like, get my $1,000 in the bank. And then I'm like, oh, shoot, now I have to do, like, go to the dentist or I have to do that.

And then it's like I pull from that. So then that depletes again. And then I build it back up. And then I have to, like, have other appointments. And I just feel like I'm just constantly stuck in between one and two, and I, like, get out of one for a little bit, and I'm in two, and then I have to pull from one again. And I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. What's your medical condition, Ashley?

Yeah, so I have, like, chronic back pain, chronic neck pain. I also have, like, lock jaw. So I clenched my teeth that night, so I have a lot of dental work that has been done and has to get redone because I clenched my jaw so tight that it punctures the fillings and all of that. So that's kind of an ongoing thing, yeah. And, like, I have PTSD in my background, and I've dealt with just a lot of different health struggles and anxiety and all of that. So there's counseling.

Yeah, there's a lot. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. That sounds, it does sound like a lot, So there's counseling. Yeah, it was a lot. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. That sounds, it does sound like a lot. And that's hard. So I'm sorry about that. Where are you at just in the financial aspects? How much do you make a year? What debt do you have in Baby Step 2?

Kind of give me a little bit, give me some numbers. Yeah, so I have about $7,000 in debt right now, which is my car and then a couple credit cards. And usually it seems like that's just kind of where my debt lingers is in the like $6,000 to $10,000. That seems like it's just been constant for the last few years. I make around $24,000 a year, but I also miss a lot of work here and there. So, like, I'll budget. Like, I try to do the every dollar for the month, and I'm like, okay, this is my budget. But I budget as if I'm not going to miss work. So then if I miss work, then it's like, oh, shoot, I came up short.

What do you do? Right now, I'm just a delivery driver for an auto parts store. Okay. All right, Ashley, a couple of things. I want you to cut up the credit cards right now. You're kind of being Ramsey-ish is what we would say. You are just kind of dabbling, dabbling, dabbling, dabbling, dabbling, dabbling a little bit. You got to go all in, Ashley. You got to go all in. So you're kind of the credit cards. You're going to, you need to find another career. You need to find another job. You can make more than $24,000. I believe that. I really, really do. You need to be making more income. And those two things are going to help settle and make you truly get in this more intense mode where you are

all in instead of kind of here and there. Even though it's hard, it's possible. Ashley, you can do this. This is The Ramsey Show. All right. We are back. And we have got Brian and Caitlin on our debt-free stage in the lobby. Welcome, guys. Hey. Hey, thanks. So I'm guessing this means you are debt-free.

Yes. Correct. Oh, awesome. Well, where are you guys from? Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs. And how much debt did you pay off? We paid off $175,000.

Wow. Woo! What was that of? What did that consist of? Student loans and cars. Okay. Awesome. And what's your range of income during this time?

We started at $97,000 and flexed up to $220,000 and then came back down to $160,000. It was gazelle intense. Yeah. It sounds like it. How long did it take you guys to pay this $175,000 off? 27 months. 27 months. 27 months. Okay.

What bumped the income up? Just extra jobs? Did you do just kind of the classic, like, hey, we're going to work overtime? There were several promotions and then, yeah, also additional jobs for sure. That's awesome. At one point I had four. Four jobs? Yes.

What were you doing? I'm just curious. So my day job is that I'm a facility administrator and dietitian for a kidney company. And then I did online dietitian work for telehealth and an intensive care unit. And then we also did Rover. And then he had two jobs as well. Y'all were not messed up. I did 3D printing on the side.

Yeah. Wow. Unbelievable. Which one was the most lucrative, brought in the most income for you guys? Our day jobs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry. Of the side part-time jobs. My intensive care unit job okay yeah yeah man y'all hustled like you did not sit around and wait for this to go away y'all got after it you are the epitome of gazelle intense okay so tell us your story you had 175 000 in debt student loans car all that 27 months ago what, what happened? What changed? So at his previous duty station, we had just bought our house. And then I was listening to the radio and heard some guy yelling at me that if I can't afford a car without cash, then I need to ride a bike. We have no idea who that is.

No idea. Who is that? We were coming back from Ikea with all the furnishings in the back of the minivan. And I said, hey, listen to this guy that I heard on the radio. And the story was kind of what we thought ours was. And then we got home and actually laid out all the debt. And I printed off $1,000 increments of all our debt and stapled it all together. And it was a chain that was like five feet long. And it was horrifying.

And we're like, okay, let's do this. Wow. That visual. Is that something that like really just imprinted it in your mind yeah it definitely did yeah so we hung it up underneath our degrees and all of our race photos and we just were like okay like we've done this we've got degrees we've run marathons like let's do this too yeah okay so caitlin you you know you heard i need to ride a bike okay yeah we got to get this in order okay Okay, what did you say then as the spouse, Brian?

Were you like, okay, you're crazy? Or were you like, okay, maybe we do it? I mean, from that day, I mean, we were both just convicted. I mean, just driving home, we both decided that, you know, this is when our life changes. Wow. That's awesome that you guys were on the same page so quickly. I know.

That's a blessing for sure. Do you guys have kids? We do. Okay, how many? We have two. And how old are they? Six and seven. Six and seven. Okay. And how were they and part of this journey? Oh, they wanted to help us with everything. They were so excited about it too. And then he deployed six months before the end of the debt payoff. And they would sit with me in the office while I did my second job and bring dinner in there. And we just all just together. And then at the very end, we had a huge celebration.

They did poppers and they were all really excited. Yeah. Okay. So did you guys become debt free when you were deployed? Soon after. Yeah. But that was definitely the hardest part. Yeah.

For sure. Well, thanks for your service. We actually took a call from our military family in the first hour about that. He was getting deployed and walking through that. Yeah. People, I was like, even when they're deployed, people are still chipping away at their debt. And you guys are that. Here you are, literally standing on the stage.

Oh, absolutely incredible. What part, what service did you do? Active duty Air Force. Okay. Wonderful. Thanks again. Amazing. Thanks for your support. So, sorry, can I jump in? So what was the hardest part? I mean, I would assume that deployment was a big, big hard part of that journey.

But for you guys, was it sacrifice of lifestyle? What was kind of the rub, the hard, hard part? I think when we were both working 70-hour weeks, we basically just like high-five in the kitchen and then do our other jobs. And then he left and I was still working 70 hours and he was working like 80 out being deployed. And it's just the work, honestly yeah what kept you motivated through all that we were so close to the end and just we I mean there was times where like he'd have to pick me up off the floor and I'd be like I'm so tired I don't want to anymore but then like I'd do the same for him it's just it's nice when one of us was down and the other person could help yeah yeah just cheering each other on

thankfully nobody got down at the same time you You can take turns picking each other up. Who were your biggest cheerleaders other than you guys? Um, I mean, most of everybody thought we were crazy, honestly. Um, but our friend Heather, she was getting out of debt at the same time and actually ended up a month before we did. And so we had a big celebration together. And then my previous boss, Rachel, she helped me take on the second job so that I could get out of it, too, because she did that before us as well. Amazing. So you were in the car, and you listened to this guy yelling at you about the bike and the car. How did you actually get on the plan?

Was it Ramsey Plus? Did you read the book? How did you work the plan or find the plan? Just listen to the baby steps in the car. Just the show? Oh, yeah. Yeah, listen to the show, and that was it. That's amazing. steps in the car, you know, just the show. Oh yeah. Yeah. Listen to the show. And that was it.

Halfway through, we took financial peace after we were like, okay, we kind of get this, but we kind of just want to get the whole program and yeah, see how it goes. Well, there's such value in the show of just that regular motivation every day, but then in the class or the book to have the plan, all succinct, concise, step-by-step, you know, it's good to have both. That's awesome. All right. What is the, um, what is the key? Everybody's listening right now that is in baby step two. They're like, I don't know if I can do it. What for you guys was the absolute secret to getting out of debt? The key that, that made it work. I'd say just keeping your eye on the prize. I mean, the, the amount of dedication was just extreme, but you know, just having that vision, you know, being financially

free. That's it. Yeah. And then also scheduling ice cream dates because there's a point he's the nerd for sure and he's like, no, we can't do anything. Dave says you can't go to a restaurant. I was like, can I go get ice cream

with the kids? So at the end of the month we would do that. That's good. Have the little wins. You got to have the little celebrations throughout for sure.

Especially with the mountain of $175,000. What I love about this, I mean, obviously your income was insane because you worked insane, right? I mean, obviously your income was insane because you worked insane, right? I mean, you were working four jobs at one point.

And so the beautiful thing about this is I'm like, the sacrifice was so intense, but it was for 27 months and it was probably the 27 longest months of your entire life. But you look over the scope of your life and you think, oh, two years, two years. And it changes completely my entire future financially of where we're at and ultimately your entire life because money is a tool to help create a life that we love. And now the income that you guys have, it's yours. It's all yours. And that sacrifice is in the rear view mirror.

I know when you were in it, it probably felt like it was going to last forever. And ever. But now it's behind you and you don't have a payment in the world. How does it feel? How does it feel to be standing there completely debt free? So good. Free. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Now you can, now you can have all the ice cream you want to have all the, all the celebrations you guys want to. Well, y'all are amazing. Well done. You guys work so hard. You did not sit around. You are the definition of gazelle intense. Got that income up and just heroes. Y'all are amazing. We have a copy of the legacy journey for you guys

because that's definitely the next stage in your story. We have a copy of the total money makeover. You can give that to a gift. Give it to one of those people that thinks you're crazy. Maybe you will bring them into the crazy and help them start their debt-free journey. But y'all are awesome. Okay, y'all. Brian and Caitlin from Colorado Springs, Colorado paid off $175,000 in 27 months, making a range of $97,000 to $220,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! We're debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yes, yes, yes, yes. I just, I love their story because even with that mountain of debt, $175,000, which would feel like you're never going to climb out of it. Yeah. They just got that much more intense. Yes. They took on that many more jobs.

They got their income up more than double and were able to get out of it. I just hope for any of you all listening right now that have a huge amount of debt and you're feeling like I can't tackle this. You can. It's what you were just saying to that caller before. You can. You can make changes. You can increase your income.

You can make different choices that lead to a different result. Yes, it's a short-term sacrifice, but it's oh so worth it. Oh, so worth it. You think about those kids. Yes. Six and seven-year-old. I'm like, and their entire life is different because their parents chose to do something and not just sit there and just accept it.

That's right. Truly, you guys were proactive and you changed their lives. It's absolutely incredible. It's an honor to talk to them. Yes. Yes. This is why we tell you guys to get gazelle intense. It takes that.

Dave Ramsey says you can wander into debt. You cannot wander out. You've got to get intense if you're going to change this thing. But you can do it. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Christy Wright. Joining me today is my good friend, Rachel Cruz, and we are taking your calls. 888-825-5225. And we're going to go to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with Becky.

Hey, Becky, how are you? Hi, I'm very good. How are you? Good. What's going on? So my question is, how do you create a budget after betrayal? I just found out six weeks ago that my husband has been cheating on me. He is repentant and we are both seeing counselors and trying to work through this. And last night we tried to do our budget. We have been following the Ramsey plan for a few years. We are completely debt-free, including our house.

So the thing we're not in agreement on is do we stop our investing and dip into our emergency fund or do we keep investing and use the money that we sold that we made from selling the business yeah we got a lot going on here Becky what business and what money do we need to dip into for anything because I thought y'all were debt-free. Help us understand what specifically you're talking about. My husband sold his business, and they got a new job because he would have more accountability there. He would not be working by himself.

So we sold our personal business. So the money that we made from that we could use to help pay for counseling. And also we took a pay cut to help us through the next few months or years. I guess it takes three to five years to be clean from all this. Okay. Well, first of all, I just want to say I'm really sorry that happened. I'm really sorry you went through that. And that's really, really emotional to take on in addition with trying to deal with the

tactical. So, you know, Rachel and I will definitely help you process the tactical of the money. But I'm just so, so glad you guys are in counseling because that is just going to be so great to have a professional in your corner to help you process that as you're going through that. Yeah. And Becky, you know, we will say a lot on, um, on this show that when something kind of tragic happens, um, just to pause that you're good, you know, just take a deep breath. And, um, you know, a lot of times when there's grief involved and there will be grief with this situation, when you're six weeks out, it's still really new.

It is. Yeah. This wasn't six months ago or six years ago. I mean, this just came out last month, right? Yeah. So I would say, you know, you guys are in, on the financial side, you're in good shape, right? You guys don't have debt. Yeah, you've taken a pay cut.

Your lifestyle make a little different, but I would, I wouldn't make any, I know you guys sold the business to get him in a position with accountability and all of that. And I think that's a smart move on just you guys and how you're going to function going forward. Um,

but I, I wouldn't do anything rash. I wouldn't make any big decisions right now. Cause there still is a lot of pain. And so I think for you all, just the budget's probably going to look different because of the pay cut. And so I think relooking at not trying to keep the same lifestyle. And so when you asked about stop investing and all of that, I would do what I can to. And again, it's going to be hard because it's going to look different.

Your lifestyle will look different. Um, and try to live within that new income. It's going to be, um, the best thing going forward versus taking money out of an emergency fund or stopping investing, um, to keep the same lifestyle that you guys were living six months ago. It's just, you're, you're in a different, you're in a different spot. So I would do what I can to live off of that new income that he has, create a budget around that. And even if you guys can't, for some reason, make bills on that, but you should be able. What is it, Becky?

I don't know if she said that. What is the new income? The new income, I'm trying to think, anywhere from, would it be 80, around 80, 50 to 80, something like that. So he just got his first paycheck. It was $2,200 for two weeks. So whatever that would be annually. Okay. I didn't do the math, but yeah. So're debt free i'm just curious i i'm not

great at you know mental math on the spot but if you're completely debt free why do you feel like that you couldn't live on that that you'd have to dip into savings or stop retiring stop your investing for that why wouldn't you be able to live on that is it your house um no the one thing so because we had inconsistent income before we try to do our budget a month before so like what he gets from october we'll use for the november um budget so he's working ahead and um yeah the thing is we tried to do a month's budget off of a two-week paycheck. And I was like, okay, we need to move money over. And he was not okay with that. He's more like he likes to pinch his pennies.

And I'm like, no, we don't need to. We have, you know, so much saved up in our retirements or in our business accounts. We don't have to pinch our pennies or anything. He's been very controlling, which makes me angry. Yeah. I hear that in your voice, Becky. Is that something you're working through with your counselor?

Because that's a strong word. That can be. Yeah. It just came up. So I haven't been, I've been trying to. But it's painful. Do you ever talk to your counselor, just you, without him present? Yes, I do. Okay. Are you honest with your counselor, just you, without him present? Yes, I do.

Okay. Are you honest with your counselor about what's going on? Yes. Yeah. I guess this financial thing never came up before because this was our first budget meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Well.

I was just really triggered, I guess you could say. Yeah. For sure. for sure. For sure. Do you think, as of now, and it's six weeks after, I know that you found out, but you're working to stay together. And you think that that, do you see hope in that? Yeah. Yeah, we both want that.

Okay. And I am seeing a change in him. So he wants to change okay so that's one thing I'm like I even thought about like creating the budget myself instead of because of his bad decisions he made like he was spending money on unreported side jobs. So, I mean, like, using cash in that way for, yeah. I was like, I can't trust him with the finances right now. So that would be my thing. Yeah, which is legitimate, Becky. Yeah, that's legitimate.

Yeah, when there's deceit and lying, that's where that goes. And do you work outside the home? I do not i'm a stay-at-home mom okay okay um okay let me just again let me answer a tactical question for you just so when we get off the phone you have something um to think about so when you're saying that you're you guys have never budgeted before just know that it's it is always tough okay so you guys running into these kind of conversations and all that affair or not is very normal so just hear that give yourself a lot of grace so the first few months of this is going to be difficult um and number two the the two-week paycheck is difficult too to budget because what you're saying is the money that happened from the last paycheck is what you're using for this and all that. So in an ideal world, and especially since you guys are debt-free,

to have enough money in the checking account that can help you pay for a month's worth of bills on a tactical level is going to help. So if you need to pull that month from your emergency fund to have to be able to physically pay the bills, and then as the paycheck comes in for the 15th, you're going to use that 15th and then the 30th paycheck for the next month. Does that make sense? Like, yes, you're going to still budget every dollar, but the actual cash flow can go.

So for him, pinching the pennies and all that, you guys just need money in your checking account to help get this budget flowing. So you can do that. I'm all for that. And for you guys, again, yeah, getting a budget together, I think, is for sure in a perfect world. But no, there's a lot of pain, Becky. So I just want you to have a lot of grace for yourself.

And if you guys can't get to this for another two or three or four months, it's okay. Your marriage is important right now. And yes, money is a big component of that. And I want that to get together. But I want you guys to heal from your marriage, which is going to help heal from the trust with the money as well. And bring that up with your counselor. Bring the budget conversations as an example of the conflict or control to your counselor and help them work through that and dig to the deeper issues. They're great at that.

That's what they do. Thanks for calling. I hope that encourages you and helps you get through this tough time. I want to thank producers James Child, associate producer Jenna Coletta, my co-host Rachel Cruz, and you, America. This is The Ramsey Show. Did you know you can listen to The Ramsey Show on your smart speaker? Just tell Alexa, Google Assistant, or Siri to play The Ramsey Show podcast.

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