The Ramsey Show - App - How Do We Raise Kids To Be Wise With Money? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Jade Walsh, all Ramsey personality, best bestselling author, is my co-host today. Open phones here at 888-825-5225. George is with us in Newark, New Jersey. Hey, George, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, George.

Hi, Dave. I'm sorry, it's Georgette. Oh, Georgette. Okay, I thought they had misspelled it because it didn't have the et on there. Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry. It's Georgette. Oh, Georgette. Okay. I thought they had misspelled it because it didn't have the et on there. Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry. How can I help? That's great. Thank you. Thank you for taking my call. I'm very excited to talk to you guys today. I have a question in regards to my daughter and her survivor's benefit and 401k. Unfortunately, my ex-husband passed away from COVID in 2022, leaving a $32,000 in 401k. And she also gets a $1,200 per month survivor's benefit, which I religiously deposit into a custodial bank account for her every month.

And since last January, I have invested $32,000 of that into a two-year CD with an annual interest rate of about 4.3%. Of all the money she has in the bank up to today, it's about $80,000, and I estimate that by the time she's 18, it will be about $140,000. I have three simple questions for you guys today if you have the time. As a fellow parent seeking guidance, how can I leverage this money, considering that, you know, she will go to college and she will also probably receive scholarship? She's a pretty smart girl. Next question is, how do I steer her towards choosing an in-state college and avoid any form of student loan pitfalls? And my third question is, how do I introduce her to the Gramsci Financial Education

and at what age? As I would love for her to have this. She's 13, and I want to have this resource available for her so she can have financial knowledge before it's too late. Most 13-year-olds don't listen to their parents. Does yours? She's a smart kid. I didn't ask that. I asked if she was respectful and believed what her mom said. Uh, I would hope so.

I think so. She's. Do you think you have a good relationship with her and she trusts your wisdom? I think so. Okay. That's different than being crazy wild. True. Okay.

Just trying to find out what we're dealing with jade so i have a question so this 80 000 that you think is going to be up to 120 000 or more when she's 18 does she have full control of it or do you still are you able to disperse that in any way are you hear me it's her it's her it's going to be fully hers it's a custodial. It's her. It's her. It's going to be fully hers. It's a custodial account. It's hers. No. No. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And when she turns 18, honey, it's hers. It's in her name. And she gets control when she's 18. That's how it works. So then. Right. But I am thinking that before she is 18, I could somehow transfer it into my name where I can be the moderator of it instead of her since at 18

she she'll probably make dumb decisions you know that's why i was asking about what kind of kid she is okay so um the and whether she's listening to you or not because the only way you transfer it to your name is called stealing because it's not your money and if you just move it to your name and uh she decides to get a jack-leg lawyer she can sue you so i mean yeah i might do that if she's doing heroin rather than let her kill herself with it i'll take that chance good luck find it and i'll just disappear with your money kiddo but uh but before i let you kill yourself with it. But I would do that. But in general, just to make her behave, no. Does she know about the money?

Does she know how much it is? Have you guys had that conversation? I mean, she knows that I am trying to save for her so she can have a better future. But she doesn't know exactly how much it is. She just has basic knowledge of mommy putting away some money for her. I'm going to pose this question to Dave because out of all of us, you're the one that has the most experience with telling a child about a sum of money that will one day be theirs.

So what's the best way to – I mean, I can think about how I might frame that up, and I think your questions are good. Yeah, early and often. You've got five years to train her. Okay. And part of that's exposure, and part of that is the reality. Because if you're 18, you think $80,000 is a lot of money if you've never seen $80,000. But if you've been having mom tell you for the last five years that it's not that much,

and you can screw this up really easily, we have to be very careful and you've got to go to a state school so you don't burn through this money and you know and you're and you can't go running off to you know decide i'm going to take a gap year because because i'm rich i'm rich i'm so rich you're not rich it's 80 freaking grand to be gone in 20 minutes three restaurant stops and it's over right i mean I mean, it's crazy how fast that'll be gone. So start training her that this is what rich people do. They talk about money at the dinner table, not because they're obsessed with it, but because it's part of the rhythm of their life. And so you sit down, you'd say, hey, you know, here's how money works. Here's what's going

on. You've got some money coming to you. I'm handling it for you now. It's going to be a responsibility. It's not going to be a lottery moment where parties on. It's not. We're going to have we're going to talk about how we use this because this little bit of money and it's not much. But this little bit of money that your daddy left you, if we can use that right, if you and I can learn to do that together honey over the next five years we can turn this into your having a really bright future with you or you have are going to have the legal option of being a complete freaking fool because it's going to be in your name and you

can destroy this and all you're going to have to show for it's regret which is a really nasty tasting fruit and you just talk to her like that all the time i taught my kids that all their lives and uh then when they came home from college we actually had the uh discussion when the last one came home from college and the other two were married we sat down and said okay here's what the whole ramsey estate looks like they had no idea what our net worth was um and no idea what my income was because we didn't use it in any way in front of them. I mean, they had a decent life, but, you know, they still had that moment. I said, look, this is a responsibility. It is not a windfall.

You need to feel the weight of managing this. It's God's money. It was passed to you through your dad, and God has given you a blessing, and you have a responsibility to handle his money in a way that is a continued blessing to you, not an immature child. And that's why we're starting to talk about it when you're 13 and when you're 14 and when you're 15. And if you're doing something really severe by the time you're 18 like out of control and you're gonna hurt yourself with this money you'll never find it i'll hide it from you and good luck fighting me because i'm a mean mama you know and that these are the discussions we're gonna have that's what we had at the ramsey house

and this is what responsibility looks like money is a is a blessing, but it's also a weight. It has a responsibility to it. You need to feel that weight early and often and build that muscle over the next five years. Don't surprise her at 18 and have a party and go, woohoo, look at here. That's a horrible idea. That would be a bad plan. This is the Ramsey Show. Jade Warshaw, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host.

Thank you for joining us, America. Open phones at 888-825-5225. So, Jade, you know, we were talking with the last lady about the situation with her children her child having money coming in from a fatherhood passed away but in general the idea that rachel and i wrote about in the book smart money smart kids which was a number one bestseller because you guys bought it thank you out there um the in general what we have figured out is the people who have high-functioning adult children, especially in the area of money, that occurs because of parents age-appropriately engaging from three years old on on the subjects that matter to that family what are the things that family values one of the things the ramsey family valued was learning to handle money properly which

is so at every age you need to be learning the age appropriate lessons of giving saving investing spending and work. You need to learn to work, age appropriately. We don't send three-year-olds to the salt mines. We might send a 13-year-old there. No, I'm kidding. But we don't, you know, so age appropriately. And then that gives you all of these natural rhythms,

not single, not like Tuesday night's mutual fund night or something like that instead it's like the part of the rhythm of our life is we get to talk about this today in the mail the your mutual fund statement for your college came in and our kids had a college fund and here's what your college fund is and here's how you calculate share price times number of shares equals the amount that's in the mutual fund so find out the balance on your mutual fund without looking at the statement even. And so they learned to do these basic things, and they were told over and over and over and over, they have a college fund, college fund, college fund.

So I was brainwashing them, you're going to college. And you were suggesting even on that last call or at the break that, you know, brainwasher, tell her, this is what this money's for. This is how we're doing it. This is what we're doing with the money. This is what we're doing it this is what we're doing the money this is what we're doing the money and just for five years have a weekly constant discussion at dinner that this is what we're doing you know i think there's an inclination for parents sometimes to keep details even if they're age appropriate details

about money and amounts and to keep that hidden for some reason. And I'm not really sure what that is, if they feel like it's, it may be, it's just an old school thing or, but I just remember even growing up in my household and a lot of my friends, it's like, we don't talk about exact numbers. We talk about, oh, there's some money for college or, oh, there's some money for your wedding. But it's like, I don't want to tell you how much it is and why is that? Well, I think people are afraid that they're going going that the kid's going to go off right and the kid is more likely to go off if they discover suddenly that they're rich yeah like all you're 18 years old you didn't think you had anything and you find out you got 500 grand yeah it's that they

cannot handle their brain can't process that but if the weight of that has been increasing from 3 to 18 then they they are ready to go with it and and that that changes everything it's a big deal and so it's kind of like you know rich people have money as a as a part of the rhythm of their discussion not because they're obsessed with money or greedy people it It's because they see the importance of children understanding, not feeling weight, but understanding, feeling the appropriate amount of weight, understanding the cost of their decisions. So when you buy Celebration Barbie and all your money's gone, you realize at seven you might have bought, should have sort of kind of had a party

barbie instead of celebration right and so we're going to buy the cheaper the cheaper version or whatever it is right you're gonna you're gonna learn these purchase decisions have consequences and let them experience some negative consequences under your wing oh yeah as they go along and that's the kind of stuff we talk about in smart Money, Smart Kids. So in other words, it's like if you grow up on a farm, farm parents don't really have to talk to their children about where babies come from. Yeah, they see it happen all the time in real life. They know exactly the whole process start to finish of where babies come from and how babies are fed and so on. You don't have to discuss that with a farm kid. It's just part of their life.

And a rich kid, you don't have to discuss how money works. It comes from work. Yeah. And that you need to save some, you need to give some, you need to spend some. Rich kids just, they grow up. It's just kind of like being on the farm. You don't have one single, we're going to have the sex talk.

No, instead it's like life right there in front of you darling this is how it works that's a good point i would definitely not diminish the the impact of what you see and hear on a regular basis as a kid i mean i think about something as small as you know when you finally get to college and you've got a little bit of your own money and you go to the grocery store for the first time first thing you do is buy what your mom always bought you buy the same brands you buy the same thing until one day you realize i guess i don't have to do that but by that time you're already in a rhythm yeah yeah because you're you know rachel says all the time more is caught than taught that's right so they're watching what you're

doing and that's how that this is how you train up kids because i'm often asked by people when they become baby steps millionaires how do i how you know i did, because I'm often asked by people when they become Baby Steps millionaires, how do I, you know, I did all this, I got my house paid off, now I don't want to screw up my grown kids. I don't, by leaving them a bunch of money, I think I'm going to make them suffer. Well, you know, you could do that, or you could just leave them a bunch of money if they're capable of handling it, because you trained them to be capable of handling it. There's no, money is not evil. It's the love of money is the root of all evil. It's the love of money is the root of all evil. The Bible doesn't say money is the root of all evil. And so you're not damning your kids to hell by leaving them money.

But you will screw up their lives if they have no character and the ability to handle money. You will magnify that by leaving them money. So you've got to build out over a period of time a gradual process. This is where babies come from. This is where money comes from. This is how this works. It's part of our life.

And you brush your teeth and you do your homework and you're on time and you say yes, sir, and no, sir. And thank you and thank you and please, which means you know how to be grateful because grateful people are highly attractive. And you just this is raising kids. Yeah. Listen, I have to tell my five-year-old, almost going to be six, every time I go to the store, you know, he likes to scan the thing before I pay for it. And I tell him when I pay for something, I was like, do you know how I have this money? It's because every day when I go to work, I go to work to earn this money.

Papa goes to work to earn this money. Even things as simple as that, teaching them, it's not just an endless supply that comes out of the of the plastic right yeah there's there's effort that's put forth to get that and uh it's not unlimited so very you can start that very very young yeah it's even fun with the grandkids because the grandkids call our house mimi's house oh dave has nothing to do with it and i've had to explain to him, Papa Dave's house. Mimi gets to live here. They don't like that.

Well, my favorite story is the one you tell about Daniel. We're doing pretty good. Yeah, we were in a car. We bought a decent car, and Daniel was like five or six years old. He leans back. We're doing pretty good. And I'm like, we aren't doing anything. You are a broke child.

I have money. You have nothing. We aren't doing anything yeah that was a that was one of those daily money lessons you know don't be confused don't feel entitled right all right akim is with us in st louis hi akim welcome to the ramsey show hey how you guys doing great how can we help uh just i going to be on the show, but get straight to it. Okay, this Saturday I'm scheduled to meet with a person from Bank of America to talk about investing with their, I guess, their Merrill Lynch side. And long story short, I'm at a place, I'm already investing with my 401k.

I'm a mailman, so I got a TSP. I'm doing a 5% match there. I know you say do 15%, so I'm looking to start a Roth IRA. And from my research, from social media, YouTube, all of that, do I need a financial advisor? You don't need someone to do money for you. You need someone to teach you and guide you so that you do money for you better. And Bank of America is not on the list.

They suck. Okay. Cancel that appointment. Yeah. If you want to get somebody to sit down in your corner with the heart of a teacher, just click on SmartVestor at Ramsey Solutions, and it'll be a real investment advisor, not a Bank of America person gag. And they'll sit down with you with the heart of a teacher, because what your job is,

Akeem, is to learn what they teach you. So I still have a SmartVestor Pro that's in my life and Sharon's life. Obviously, I teach this stuff for a living, but he occasionally brings me an idea that I haven't heard of before. I learned something from him and I go, oh, I could do that. But he doesn't go and do stuff without me knowing it because he's smart and I'm dumb. We never do that one. This is the Ramsey show. Jade Warshaw, Ramsey personality is my co-host today open phones at 888-825-5225 john's with

us in dallas hey john how are you i'm doing wonderful how are you guys better than we deserve what's up thanks for taking my call so uh i guess a little bit of background. My wife and I are in our early 30s. We have a young growing family. And in the last year, we purchased her family home for my mother-in-law. we are currently i'm going to say in between steps six and seven so home is paid off um we've been basically banking everything else we're in a position where if the home is paid off you're in seven yes well so the reason i say it that way we know we're going to have to do some pretty serious renovations to the house to make it work for us long term. It's on, you know, a decent amount of land. It's in a good school district. We see our family growing there, but there's going to be significant, you know, changes that need to be made to support our family long term. And I'm wondering, is a HELOC the right way to do that? You know, I kind of went

into the renovation process with the mindset of we do a little bit at a time and just kind of pick away room by room and talking to the general contractor, the changes that we're going to have to make, that's not really possible to do it that way. So it's kind of an all-or-nothing kind of thing, I think, in their minds. They're not paying the bill.'s true yep if they won't pay the bill they get an opinion on that um I mean I understand that they have a structural concern or the approach to the construction but but you know they're not taking into consideration your family so what is your household income uh Last year, low 200s.

Okay. And so what's this project, if we looked at it in total, going to cost? The current budget is right now $150,000 to $250,000, and some of that they're not going to determine until. That's horseshoes. They need to get inside the walls and inside the attic and the structural things. We're not to that point yet. We're not going to start a project when we don't know within $100,000 what it's going to cost.

Okay. You don't have a contractor. You got a guy who wants some money. No, I mean, we're going to have this dialed in, in detail as to what we're going to get into here. This range, let me tell you what that'll turn into 350 is what that'll turn into because this guy's making this crap up as he goes no thank you no so anyway all right let's just pretend it's a two hundred thousand dollar tight detailed budget that we know is accurate as opposed to what you're dealing with now

and let's use that you make 200 okay then what i'm going to do is I'm going to break the project down into chunks as small as I possibly can, which is what you were trying to do room by room. You may not be able to approach it room by room. You may have to have another angle on it. You may have to say, okay, the first chunk is 75,000 bucks because we've got to do this whole whatever, right? And then the next chunk is 10, and the next chunk is 75 000 bucks because we got to do this whole whatever right and then the next chunk is 10 and the next chunk is 30 and the next chunk is whatever and just break it out in chunks

and then you save up into a chunk at a time and um you know uh if the first one is a big one you hold off until you save that much money making 200k yep okay i'm not going in debt to do it why would you need to make you make plenty of money and you're going to be there anyway so you can do this over time what are they telling what's is there a is there a danger like is there a it's inconvenience i think it's a convenient thing um i think there's some load-bearing walls that you know really to do it i think it's going to be the first big chunk they're going to do all that together um and then i think there are some separate smaller chunks they can break it into yeah i mean i tell i tell the guy you're either getting paid or you're not so you're either getting paid a little or nothing

at all what's his house worth? Not counting the land. So that's a harder question. Probably $250,000 maybe. The house is worth $250,000 and you're going to pay $250,000 to repair it? That's the, yep. Wow. And that goes back to the emotional element of it being a child at home. It's on a decent amount of land and would be hard to replicate for that price elsewhere, too.

I'm hearing it's a bad idea. If you don't have a good architect and you guys don't really spend a bunch of time thinking this through you're going to build overbuild no you're going to build a horrible property because you're trying to take something that was not designed to be a four hundred thousand dollar property and turn it into that and so it's um it's going to feel like what we call a country house where you just add rooms and move walls around and and every time some other kids born we add another room to it or something and that's country built what we used to call it anyway uh it doesn't mean that if you build a house in the country you're doing it wrong that's not the point if you're doing it this way it's wrong i'm afraid um this is such a massive renovation ratio wise um that i what you're trying to pull off is very hard to do let me say it that way it's very hard to end up

with a great end product that is a reasonable thing when you spend as much on it as it's worth. It's almost easy. It's from a tactical standpoint, not a financial standpoint. It's easier to push it down and build something else a lot easier than try to try to take this clay pot that's already been through the kill and reshape it, right? That's what we're, it's very difficult to do what you're doing. Miner, you know, if you told me you were going to spend $50,000 or $60,000 on a $250,000 house, you can do that. You can do a lot of stuff for that.

That's a different thing. But you're talking about basically rebuilding this whole house, and you could really end up with a piece of crap. I feel like there's a way that he could do that and still salvage parts of it and use that for the rebuild. It is, but I'm saying you really need to think, you need an architect to lay this out so that when you're done, you don't build something that looks like a pretzel.

You know, it doesn't look like old man, old lady in the shoe or something. And because that's what this kind of stuff, it evolves into a grotesque thing that all because of the emotion of it being a childhood home. And then you made a bad decision. So it can be done. And I'm not telling you not to do it, John. I'm saying you got to really back back up from this you got to have a good solid detailed accurate budget that you're going to hold everybody accountable to we've got to break it into parts that we can cash flow and

we really need a good floor plan engineering plan wiring and plumbing plan that we end up with that looks like somebody thought it through instead of like well we need an extra bedroom you know yeah that's the sheesh man that it's it's a mess so you you really what you're trying to do is very hard to do for somebody's never done it before and and not end up with a mess yeah it's very hard to do for somebody who's never done it before and not end up with a mess. Yeah, it's very hard to do. Be very careful, sir. Get every T crossed, every I dotted, everything thought through before you raise a hammer toward a wall and everything dialed in. Because if you don't, you're going to end up in a financial mess with a bad product

and something that takes years and years and years to accomplish and shouldn't. And then when you're done, you don't have a good thing. Yeah, it's very scary. Very scary. I mean, it honestly is a lot easier to build a house from the dirt, a whole lot easier and end up with a great product than it is to do even a 40% or 20% rehab, much less 100% rehab. Yeah. That's, it's just got to feel tough because he's already paid it off.

He's paid it off. And then he's like demolishing the thing. Yeah. But I mean, a lot of people do tear downs just to get the lot. That's true. That's true. And obviously we're not going to get to tear this one down because it's childhood home. Yeah.

But, and all the emotion, he brought that up three times. So obviously we're not going to get to tear this one down because it's childhood home. Yeah. And all the emotion he brought that up three times. So, obviously, we're not bulldozing it. But, wow, tough, tough, tough, tough. You can do it, but you really need to lean in on the details. You need to be project manager extraordinaire. This is The Ramsey Show. Jade Walshaw, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today thanks for joining us so george and you are doing a budgeting live stream on youtube on the 11th that's right you're

right i'm excited about this we do these um as an extension kind of as the ramsey show where we can have callers and people call in and ask questions about it. But this one's going to be on the 11th of April. And we're really just answering those top questions that people have about budgeting, which is, Jade, how do I even get started doing a budget for the first time? How can I budget and still enjoy my life? And also people want to know with how they deal with changes that come up throughout the month, because obviously a budget is a living, breathing organism and also how couples can budget together, married couples specifically. And those are kind of four pain points that we want to talk about, because those are the things that you've told us that are issues for you. So stay tuned for more details on that live stream. But just know we want to hear from you. If you have budgeting questions that you want us to answer,

you can always email us your questions at ask at ramseysolutions.com. So again, join that live stream. It's going to be on YouTube 4-11 and you can kind of set your reminder so that you don't forget about it. Today's question of the day comes from Jacqueline in Ohio. Yes. She says, how do I tell myself that saying no does not mean that I'm failing as a mom? I just started reading my new Jade's new book and it's really unpacking some deep ingrained thought patterns from my childhood. I grew up the oldest of the oldest child of four raised by a single mom. We had financial housing and food instability. I was constantly aware that we were not okay, despite my mom doing everything she could to protect us from knowing that.

Now as a divorced mom, I've got a decent job, own a home, and provide for my daughter, but it is a struggle to make ends meet. I often find myself telling my daughter, I'm sorry, but we don't have money for that. This makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent because I can't provide for what I want, for a want in the moment. How can I retain, how can I restrain, retrain my brain to see that saying the word no does not mean admitting failure. And that's really, really good.

I think she's talking about in the book, Money's Not a Math Problem. I talk about how, you know, sometimes what we experience as a kid feels very different, obviously, as a child and as an adult. And, you know, the thing that I've had to learn, Jacqueline, is a couple of things. Number one, your child is not you, right? Like you experienced something and you filtered it through the lens of whatever your reality was in that moment.

And sometimes we can project that onto our kids, but your child is in a much more stable position than you were. And so you have to remember that. But also, you know, there's nothing wrong with saying no. And there's certainly nothing wrong with saying no for children. But I do think that, and I talk about this in the book, there is a way, especially if it's things that they feel they need in a moment or something that's important. I do think there's a way to say no that doesn't steal hope and doesn't steal the feeling that there could be a future, right? I talk about in the book all the time.

I grew up hearing the phrase, we ain't got no money. We can't do that. I ain't going to buy that. We can't afford that. I heard that all the time and it just made everything feel impossible. But I talk about in the book, if you can kind of do a vocab rehab on that and say things like that's not a priority for us to spend money on right now, then there's the idea that, okay, maybe in the future it could. Or if we say something like, hey, I don't have the money to spend on that right now, but we can find a way for you to save for it in the future and kind of giving them a plan. You know, I think about Jeremiah 20, 9, 11, you know, people want plans for hope in a

future. So if you can gear your responses towards that, I think that's something that's really powerful, not only for you, but for the children, especially as they get older in your household. If the parent is not freaked out when they say no, the kid is not going to be freaked out when they hear no, except that they didn't get what they wanted. But you don't have to instill fear with no. In other words, let's just change this to something else okay papa dave will not allow you to eat a huge bowl of candy and then throw up in my bed okay right no but i'm not freaked out about it yeah it's just no you're not gonna you can have a little bit of candy no or you can have some candy if you clean your plate or whatever rule papa dave wants to come up with in the moment and so this is talking about grandkids and so you know with

kids it's the same thing it's no it's a complete sentence i love you i care about you and you're not doing that right now and that's actually enough as long as as long as there's not like oh god i feel so bad coming out in the tone yeah you know like but a parent who never says no is not a parent they're running anarchy because of course you say no no you can't play in the street but don't you feel like there's a difference between no you can't jump off the 10-story building no of course we say no but don't you feel like there's a difference between requests that are like. Yeah, there is. Those sorts of requests.

It's like, yeah, you can't eat a whole bowl of candy. My point is your tonality. Yeah. You know, there's no sense of entitlement or no sense of I'm a bad parent when I say no because it's not good for you. Yeah, for your own good. 100%. And by the way, buying everything you ever wanted is not good for you. Yeah, yeah.

That's called spoiling a child. If you were raised in the 60s, that's what we call it. You were spoiled. You're a spoiled kid. They never heard no. They got everything they wanted. We spoiled, ruined. You know, when you have spoiled milk, it smells.

Spoiled kid. You don't want a spoiled kid that's a kid who never hears no so of course kids need to hear no it's not you know it's good for them they and they get they get um deloney would tell us dr deloney would tell us they get a sense of safety when there are when there are boundaries and fences that's true but i also anarchy doesn't give you any sense of safety. That's true, but I think in a case where if you're talking about money's tight, there might be things that... Yeah. Right? You can just say no, not now. Yeah. Right now, it's not our priority, just like you said. Yes. But what you're doing when you're changing the vocab rehab is super important with

the overlay of I'm also going to change my tone yes my body language right because you make it a big deal because you are saying i feel horrible with your body and with your tone they catch that and with your verbiage and so change your verbiage and everything because it's all just i'm gonna you're gonna have to learn to hear no in your life kiddo unless you're in congress you have to hear no you know and even congressmen have to hear no from each other so um they don't hear no from anything else but oh my gosh you know so but the point is that the the kid needs to learn to accept that now on a money thing no not now yeah i love that you know we maybe we can figure out a way to do it later but but right now we're not doing that.

Yeah, because I think you have an opportunity to teach them that whatever your current, for me, the opportunities, you can teach them something about money, which is your current situation does not have to be the long-term situation. You know, for instance, if you say, okay, that toy is one of the items

you're going to buy from your commissions from doing chores, and you don't have enough right now. Right, so you're going to buy from your commissions from doing chores and you don't have enough right now right so you're gonna have to wait so you're gonna have to wait until you save up more money exactly that's no not now but that's not i feel like i'm a horrible parent because the kid because they're gonna have a meltdown anyway exactly because they get what they wanted because they're children the meltdown goes with the territory drama goes with the territory but how goes with the territory. But how the parent feels is that that's the part you can control. That's right.

Yeah, because she says, how can I say no? Does that mean that I'm admitting failure? No. And I'm like, no, there's no failure in saying no. As a matter of fact, that's my whole soliloquy here is just, as a matter of fact, you are a failure if you never say no. Yeah. And you have to say no to yourself, too. Yeah.

It's just part of existence. There's always something you can't buy, no matter who you are. Yeah. I mean, even Bill Gates or something he can't buy. But even in personal self-talk as adults, you know, when you get on a budget, there is something to that where you can't spend money on everything that you want to. So you're telling yourself no. Not now.

On a constant basis. But exactly. money on everything that you want to so you're telling yourself no not now on a constant basis but like exactly when you can reframe that and you put the control back in your seat and you say i'm choosing not to spend money on that or i'd rather you know put my money towards this than that it it puts you in a position of power where you're controlling it as opposed to my budget doesn't let me do anything and my you know that's not a fun place to be mom and daddy they blame everything blame everything on the budget. Don't blame it on the budget. That's right. Don't blame it on what your mother said. Don't blame it on your father said. Don't blame it on the budget. How about just no? And with a little explanation, you know, no, I mean, no, not now or no, we'll figure out a way to do it later. Or no, it's not that important right now. It's not a big deal. And if you want

to make a big deal out of it, you can do that. But the answer is still going to be no, because it's a complete sentence. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you.