The Ramsey Show - App - How Much Should We Spend on a Vacation? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I am bestselling author and Ramsey personality, Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with bestselling author, Ramsey Personality, Dr. John Deloney. That's actually how you introduce yourself to people in restaurants. I do feel weird that I said bestselling. I introduced myself that way. Sorry, America. Sorry, America.

I could have just said Ramsey Personality, Rachel Cruz. I'm bestselling author, Rachel. Can I see your drink menu, please? Well, next time, in the next intro. We're glad that you are here. It's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825- 5225. Alright, let's go to the phones. We got

Howard in Indianapolis. Hey, Howard. Welcome to the show. Hey, Rachel. Hey, John. Happy early Thanksgiving there. Absolutely. Rachel doesn't celebrate it. She goes straight to Christmas but I accept it because... Howard, do you have Christmas decorations up? No, but my wife is kind of wanting us to do that soon.

Pushing in the way. I feel you. I feel her. That's great. Double down on gratitude, man. So great. How can we help? Yeah, I won't hold you long. So I did the crazy thing. I did Bethel Tech last year, graduated in May of this year. I will be starting at Salesforce next week. Good for you. So I doubled my income and I will be replacing some of my wife's income. Yeah, dude. That's awesome. Thank you.

Thank you. So I'm happy. I will have a hundred K household income, but the caveat, we are expecting January due date. Oh, congratulations. You got a lot of change coming in that house. I know. A lot of change, yes.

That's a lot. So the question is, I'm familiar with the baby steps, but do we pause that on stat cash for the baby? Because one paycheck realistically could take care of all our expenses. That you know of. Yeah, yes. Yeah. Do you guys have any money saved?

Just a $1,000 baby step. Okay. And how much debt do you guys have? We have right under $65,000. Okay. Yeah, so you would be on baby step two, and we do say to pause that specific baby step. If you were in baby steps four, five, and six,

you could kind of keep going and keep some money on the side. but as you're paying off debt uh that is a place that we would say to pause while you're expecting which is just another three months i mean you guys will be having the baby soon but i would yes save um some money aside till baby comes and mom's home and baby's home and all is good and then from there then you can throw the rest of that money that you guys have saved in these three months at the debt uh and continue on pay minimums yes that's right stay that cash all the extra money exactly yes stay current on everything don't get behind uh so pay those minimum payments and then uh yeah save up that cash and hopefully you're able to throw some great cash at the 65 and continue down and paying off debt I think we should be able to pay it off within a year and a half

good for you Howard I'm so proud of you of doing of making a change I feel like even as an adult it's hard for people to think through oh my gosh how could I do something to up my income even change careers doing something completely new. And I mean, it's a real success story of how you did it with Bethel Tech, which is awesome. And having a degree and going to Salesforce and doubling your income. And I mean, all of it, it's just incredible. And whatever spreadsheet you've cranked out for how much your life is going to change financially now that you have a kid, I can just tell you you're off probably by a factor of 100. I thought a kid would, like a baby, a newborn would just go to the bathroom once or twice or three times a day like a normal person. And they don't. They go a thousand times a day.

One thousand times. So you probably have like, I got 60 bucks a month for diapers. That's half, that'll get you from 8 a.m. to noon on day one, right? So there's going to be expenses like that, that man, and heaven forbid, anything happens during the delivery that they got to do an extra this or doing another that or something.

So yeah, just having cash is good, man. Yeah, that's great. Congratulations, Howard. Awesome, so proud of you, man. Stack that cash away and then, yep, press play on the debt snowball once baby and mom are home. All right.

Up next, we have Catherine in St. Paul. Hey, Catherine. Welcome to the show. Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? So my husband and I recently became debt free.

Nice. And we, thank you. Congratulations. recently became debt free and we thank you congratulations and we have a fully funded emergency fund and we're saving it for a house um my question is we're planning a two-week vacation to Italy hopefully this summer and my husband just wants to kind of let go of the financial thought for a little bit of it and just let's spend what we spend and have fun and I'm wondering what is too much to spend. Oh you called the two right people because I'm kind of a KOA guy. I love the KOA

and Rachel vacations differently than me. This is going to be fantastic. My gosh. Okay, Catherine, how much do you guys make a year? We make just a little over 80 take home. Okay, okay. And after expenses and stuff, I mean, how much have you guys saved for it so far? Or you're starting that process now? I was going to say, we just started that process now.

We have about 30 38 set aside because we're trying to save up for a house within the next two years and and then a fully funded emergency fund and 15 to retirement and all of that yeah um do you guys have a house right now or are you looking to upgrade or buy buy your first home buy first home okay so yeah so saving up that down payment, how much are you guys wanting for the down payment? Oh, 20% minimum. Okay.

Which would be what for you guys as you're looking at different houses and stuff? I imagine about 50 to 60. Okay. Yeah, so you guys probably won't have that for another few years. Is that right? Since we're at about 30, my husband's income should shoot up. He's graduating school soon.

Oh, good. Okay, yeah. I imagine hopefully sooner than that. Okay. Because the 38, is that just for your emergency fund Or is that some of that for the down payment No that's house Oh I'm sorry that's just house

You guys have a separate emergency fund Oh I got you okay perfect Yeah I mean I always hesitate to give specific Dollar amounts or Percentages when it comes to something like Vacation or a car because it really is You don't want to go extreme Either way right because you guys have done the hard work percentages when it comes to something like vacation or a car because it really is you

don't want to go extreme either way right because you guys have done the hard work you paid off you you're saving up a great down payment um so yeah i mean i gosh i mean two weeks in italy can it's i mean that's a long time the length of time is long you You guys picked a pretty, you know, just an expensive destination. How much do you think that's going to cost? My husband was like, oh, let's just cap it. Make sure we don't spend more than 10K. No chance. I was about to say 10K in my head.

I was like, it's probably going to cost that. I think it'll cost you to get over there. For two weeks in Italy? Oh, and I should say my husband's military. So housing is like, or sorry, hotels are going to be like next to nothing. Okay. So that makes a big dent. Yeah.

I mean, I don't lose sleep over 10,000 bucks if you have that in cash. I don't see how any way you could get that done in Italy for two weeks for $10,000, but maybe that's just me. Yeah. I mean, I think that cap sounds right to me. With what you guys have, what you're making, what you have saved and all of that, that feels good. But I hope you can do it. I think you can. You think so?

Yeah, I think you can do that. I just don't want to go to Italy and eat Arby's. I want to go to Italy and do it right. Eat a lot of gelato. I'd have a cap though, Catherine. I think it's smart of what he said. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show.

We are taking your calls. It's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. And if you enjoy The Ramsey Show, if you wouldn't mind subscribing, leaving a review, sharing it with your friends, getting the word out to anyone and everyone is always helpful when it comes to spreading this message.

And you guys do that a lot for us. So we very much are grateful and appreciate that. But we love your feedback with the reviews. Again, we love you spreading the love and sharing some of these episodes with your friends and the reviews. Again, we love you spreading the love and sharing some of these episodes with your friends and your family. All right. Up next, we have Donald in New York City. Hey, Donald, welcome to the show. Hey, guys, thanks for taking my call. My first time long time. Oh, I'm so glad you called in. How can we help? All right. So I'm gonna give

you my sort of well, I'll give you my financial situation, but I recently had someone come about to a phone before work today. So I got one of those great emails inviting me to, you know, come on call and stuff like that. And, you know, I'm assuming it's the worst going for the tea leaves in my company, but they are doing layoffs right now. So nothing's said and done right now, but I am preparing for the worst on my end. Okay.

So you got an email. Let me make sure I understood you right. You got an email from your company that you have to come in for a meeting. Pretty much. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, pretty much that. It was with two people that I technically work above. Kind of company structures work with it.

That way where I have multiple different managers and stuff like that. Okay. So you're thinking that you're thinking the worst. Yeah, I know you're good. You're thinking the worst that you're probably gonna be laid off. Right. Exactly. Okay.

Okay. You don't know. Sure. Sure. It may not be, but that's what you're thinking. My mind goes there. If Dave. If Dave.

Give me a promotion. I might make a new partner 23 years old hey if dave texts me at four o'clock and it's like hey run by my office i'm always like oh great this is it right so i'm with you that happens to me too all right so um how can we help what's your question yeah uh let's see here in terms of of my financial preparations, assuming worst case scenario, I mean, in terms of my performance at this job right now, I'm not sure if I necessarily like it that much. I work at a public accounting company, so that side of things is dreadful in terms of workload and stuff like that. So there could be a potential shift within the next one or two, like, that process could be accelerated as soon as tomorrow. So I was wondering, in terms of my financials right now, I'm currently on baby step three and four. Okay.

In terms of my savings. I was wondering, how should I go about this process? Because I do want to move, because I am open to relocating. Of course, you know, New York is a very high-cost living area. Yeah. You could get taxed there. For sure. Yep.

Okay, so how much money do you have saved? Right now, in my retirement accounts, I got $40,000 saved. Good for you. Okay. Yeah, thank you. And you don't have a big runway, do you? They're going to tell you tomorrow, right? Yeah, when's the meeting?

Tomorrow. Oh, sorry, tomorrow. You have no runway. It's not like in three months I've got this. a big runway, dude. They're going to tell you tomorrow, right? Yeah, when's the meeting? That's tomorrow. Oh, sorry, it's tomorrow. You have no runway. It's not like in three months I've got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I think right now you just wait for the meeting, Donald, and if they lay you off, which, like you said, you don't even know. So let's say they do lay you off.

I don't know if it's immediate termination. Or a severance or whatever you get. So then I would just have to use, I would use my emergency fund to float through my expenses while I look for a new job. That's why it's there, which is perfect. We use job loss all the time as an example, sadly, for that's why you have an emergency fund.

So you have 40 grand saved, which is amazing. And then you may look, yeah, for another job, hopefully get one in the next 30, 60 days, 90 days, and then start back and replenish the emergency fund and then start retirement investing from there. But if they don't lay you off, you're saying that you may not even enjoy the job completely. Is that right?

That's right. Okay. So yeah, so if that's the case, then maybe you're looking for a career shift in a little bit. But you're 23. Is this your first full-time job? This yeah um yeah so i mean there's maybe a level two with accounting that you pay your dues and you got to do the grunt work first right before you're going to be promoted and do the thing you really want to do i mean there's a reality to that to work but also you

don't want to hate your job and all of that either so i think that there's a balance there and understanding you're going to have to do things in your job that you don't enjoy but also you want to make sure you're in an industry and around people that you you know you enjoy the company and you enjoy what you do because you work a lot of hours of your life there and so Ken Coleman one of our Rams person is he does a great job when it comes to talking about your purpose. And he has an assessment. Why am I blanking on the name of the assessment? It's career assessment. The career assessment.

Is that what it's called? The career assessment? Okay. I was going to say it's about your career. So if you hold on the line, Donald, Austin's. Oh, yeah. The get clear assessment. That's what it is.

Austin's going to pick up and I want to give you an access code to that to take for free, because I think that could give you maybe even some other direction and to kind of see what your skills are, what you enjoy, your passions. Because I think the earlier you find that, and things will shift in your life, but the earlier you can find some direction and encouragement, and maybe it's just confirmation that it is accounting and that you're in the right spot and you may just be looking for a different firm to work for or whatnot. But as far as the job loss goes,

I wouldn't panic because it hasn't happened. But if it happens, it's gonna happen. Hopefully you'll get some severance and you look for a new job. And that's how the world goes around. That's what happens. Let's think through this though, practically for people listening

who are gonna find themselves in this situation. And unfortunately, we're in Q4 and companies want to make their end of year numbers. So they just lay off a bunch of people so they can wave their magic papers in front of Wall Street and say, look how great we're doing. So you get an email or a text message or something or, hey, we need to meet with you tomorrow. And you know the company's doing layoffs. Immediately, your body goes to fight or flight as it should. If it doesn't, you probably need to go see somebody ASAP. So feel it, put your hand in your chest and feel your body trying to take care of you. And then the next thing, get a yellow pad, a word document, a spreadsheet, whatever you want to do, and literally type up, make a column. What can I

control right now? And what can I not control? You're going to find real quick that you can control what you have for dinner. You can control if you go on a drinking binge or not. You can control if, hey, I know this is coming. I'm going to go ahead and send out three. I'm just going to send out three applications right now just to get them out. I can control that. I can go hang out with my friends. What you can't control is whether they fire you tomorrow. You can't control it. You can control the time you go to bed, even if you lay there all night and toss and turn.

And so there's something powerful about, all right, this is what I can do. That's it. And I'm not going to spiral and spiral and spiral. And by the way, if you don't have $40,000, it's going to be a long, long, long night. It just is because your body's going to know that its fate is decided tomorrow and what you'll find tomorrow is the sun will come up and you'll get some difficult, challenging news if they let you off

and you're going to be heartbroken and devastated and all that. Then the sun's going to come up the next day and you'll have a choice to make. Am I going to make my full-time job getting a new job or am I going to just sit here and be upset? So what can I control? What can I not? Let's call some friends and let's see what happens tomorrow. Hey, I do, I am interested about this. So Donald, do send us a note and let us know if you made the cut or if you're going to be looking for a new job. Yeah, for sure. Because there is a reality to that, right? I don't want to downplay what happened.

But also, I've learned, because this can be me, I can take a scenario and I go to the nth degree and I play the story in my head. I get anxious. I do all the things. And it wasn't even a reality. It wasn't even what I thought. That literally happened a few weeks ago.

Dave was like, hey, I need to talk to you. You didn't think you were getting fired, John. I know you worry about that a lot. We worry about John sometimes. My body went to, this has to be bad. Right, right. And my default is I start cranking up imaginary stories. Yes, yes.

He says this, and I just start going down the road. And it was literally, I was driving and I started laughing out loud. Yeah. And by the way, this is 10 years of me working on this. So it's not just an overnight fix. But I started laughing and I said laughing out loud. Yeah. And by the way, this is 10 years of me working on this. So it's not just an overnight fix. I started laughing and I said out loud,

nothing you're doing is going to help that meeting. Right? Yeah. And then I texted three people, two of which responded, oh, this has nothing to do with you. It has something to do with something else.

And it was, ah, what can I control? I could ask, hey, does anybody know what this meeting's about? Yeah, for sure. It's not you. Help me out.

Yeah. It was all good. Totally. Yes. Yes. And then I went to balance about my day. I know. So yes, so sometimes hard things do happen in these meetings and you gotta face the reality just like what John was explaining earlier which I think is great. And then sometimes you guys we're all crazy people in our heads and you create

stories of reality that is not even reality and we sit there and twist and turn. We ruin our nights. And freak out and it's not even a thing. So also have that dose in the back of your head. It's that balancing act. But thank you, Donald, for the call. This is The Ramsey Show. So one part about winning with money that is super crucial to having a plan and having some tactical things in place is a budget.

And our EveryDollar app is the best on the planet when it comes to budgeting. It's the one I use and my husband Winston, we share an account there and I track transactions this afternoon before the show. And we keep up really with every single thing. We just were on a trip in New York and we were getting our transactions from New York and I have a New York line item in our budget this month. And we just drop it into that category. And it's just helpful to know what is going on so if you've not checked out EveryDollar make sure to go to EveryDollar.com check out that app too there's a free version you can download in the app store but also we have an EveryDollar webinar and if you go

to EveryDollar.com budgeting Jade Warshaw myself and George Campbell have been doing separate webinars walking you guys through how to budget the the importance of it, this topic in general, and then walking you through some of the EveryDollar features, EveryDollar Premium, because it has paycheck planning, bank connectivity, a bunch of different stuff to really help you get this in a process and in a habit in your life when it comes to budgeting. So again, go to everydollar.com slash budgeting to check that out. I think I have a webinar coming up, I think on the 20th, I think next week I'll be doing one. So make sure to sign up and join us there. All right, up next we have

Faith in Louisville. Louisville? Louisville. Because you got to have faith, the faith. We're going to say Louisville. Faith, welcome to the show. Louisville. Louisville. We got it. We got it. Love it. So my husband and I just started the Debt Snowball, and I'm a teacher, and he works for Kentucky Fish and Wildlife.

And in the Debt Snowball, you know, student loans are supposed to be included, but ours will be forgiven in seven years through public service loan forgiveness so i was curious if we can if we use that as part of the debt snowball or if we just continue paying the minimum payment until we reach seven years who's going to be the president in seven years oh my god no yeah i wouldn't trust the government on anything when it comes to the subject, Faith. I think it's you guys that will be paying your student loans off. I was a dean of students at a law school, and I had some of the most brilliant young minds who did not go into private law practice to where they can make a jillion dollars

because they wanted to serve their communities and because the government said they would pay their loans off after 10 years of public service. And for many, many, many of them, that did not happen. So I have a follow-up question then. Okay. So we have a pretty good savings right now

and we have about 5,000 in savings and that could pay a lot of one of our credit cards off. And, um, so me and my husband are just so scared to let go of that 4,000 as part of the debt snowball. Um, but I think I know the answer to your question is, I think I know what you all are going to say, is put $4,000 towards debt, keep $1,000. You got to have faith, faith, faith, faith. Oh my gosh. Faith, what's all your debt?

You have how much in credit card debt? So we have $92,000 total in debt. Okay. $68,000 of that is student loans between me and my husband. That's ours. And then $18,000 of that is student loans between me and my husband that's ours okay and then um 18 of that is our vehicle payment we only have one vehicle payment and then um 1400 is medical debt okay and then 5000 is credit card debt okay um what what caused the credit card debt just lifestyle uh college okay yeah how much you guys

make a year i worked at uh we make about 6200 a month okay okay um okay so you guys have kids yes we have a three-year-old three-year-old girl okay sweet um yeah faith you got a lot you got a lot to tackle here and i know you know that because you're you're aware um and it will scare you yes of going down but i would i would pay that medical debt off today go ahead and knock that out i mean it's it was fourteen hundred dollars right is what you said correct yep i would i would just get that out of the way because what that, it was $1,400, right? Is what you said? Correct. Yep. I would, I would just get that out of the way. Cause what that's going to do is it's going to be like, Oh, okay, we got, there's one, there's one gone. There's one gone. It's, it's this kind of mind game that you're

going to play with yourself with this, that snowball that actually works. This is what creates the behavior change because I need you guys to have some quick wins. You guys are kind of new to this process. I'm so thankful that you're actually facing this head on and tackling this stuff. Um, but I want you to feel that quick win. So I do, I that you're actually facing this head on and tackling this stuff. But I want you to feel that quick win. So I do. I want you to pay that off. Yeah. And then, Faith, you're exactly right. I am going to tell you to put the rest to start knocking out this credit card debt. This $5,000 will be the next one that you're tackling. And that sense of urgency, because the $1,000, it's really not meant to be there to be enough for everything

okay and we have this safety net that we want to feel which we understand that's why we put a large emergency fund after paying off debt so it's going to feel uncomfortable you're not supposed to say oh my gosh a thousand dollars is fine now some people they don't have even that and they're having to save that for their first steps you guys at least have that and that's for all the ankle biter stuff but then if something big, then you're going to pause the debt snowball, save up money for if the heating and air goes out. I mean, something insane, but usually stuff is not due right away if it's a big emergency. So you're going to pause it at snowball. If something comes up that you need more cash for, you're going to save for that. And then you're going to press play

back on the debt snowball and continue this process. But yes, I would recommend going down to $1,000. And then, Faith, for a season, because of what you guys make, considering your debt, it's going to be hard to make a dent in this $92,000. Again, considering you guys probably bring, you know, it's probably a $70,000, $72,000 combined income. So you guys need to get your incomes up. You really need to.

So I don't know if that's through side hustles. I don't know if that's looking at a job change, but I know it's a big ask in your season with a three-year-old, but you guys got to figure out something for a season to get that income up because it's going to be a longer process if you don't, just because of your numbers.

So yeah, I hope that helps. I know it's, it can feel deflating sometimes when you're looking at numbers like that. But you guys, you got to, and you're a teacher, which I thank you so much. I mean, so, so thankful for you and your work. But I don't know if there's tutoring on the side you can do. I don't know if your husband looks at a job change for a season, a period of time, or just bringing on that extra income, but something needs to be up there. Because even your expenses, I don't think there's probably a ton of expenses to cut. I mean, Louisville, thankfully, is not New York City or Miami or something like that, where the standard of living is that much higher. But still, it's expensive. Life is expensive. I

get that. So where you can cut expenses, I would do that. But if you hold on the line, Austin's gonna pick up and I wanna give you guys Financial Peace University. This is our nine lesson course. And I would love for you and your husband to sit down and watch these lessons and really buckle down. So think what it'll do. It'll affirm what you're already feeling about this change

and what you wanna do. Maybe you'll learn some new stuff. That's also a hope that's in there. But again, to solidify you guys in this process, because it's not going to be easy. It's going to be a marathon. And if he's allowed to give your husband's info to Austin on the line, and if he can do a guided hunt and fishing for me and my son,

I'd love to hire him because I'll just drive up to Kentucky. That would be a blast. So I'll hook him up. That'd be a side hustle. I don't know if he's allowed, if Game Ward's allowed to do that, but that'd be fantastic. Be so perfect.

So perfect. Oh, well, thanks, Faith. Thanks for calling. Yeah, I think that this is, this is where the tough reality meets the road when it comes to your money, you guys, is that when you, you know,

especially when you look at numbers like theirs, like they're a great example. This is what a lot of people are facing where you basically have more debt than you have income and it can feel very overwhelming. And that's where a plan and a timeline for me, John always says it, but it's true, facts are your friends. And so as much facts as you can get around this

because your emotions possibly may be all over the map, but if you can do a timeline and say, okay, we got to back out What do we have to do to be out of debt in four years? What are the things we have to how many hours extra do we have to work a week? Like you start putting actual an actual plan around this so it's not this idea floating around in your head because sometimes for me that's where the fear can start to magnify if it's just This idea and it sounds so scary and i'm looking at numbers. I'm like, oh my gosh

How's this going to happen? But as detailed as a plan faith that you can do, I think is key. And it's also important that we kind of blow over this sometimes. You and your husband, I want y'all to spend a weekend just being sad because you have a three-year-old and he's doing public service. You're doing public service. The idea is y'all went to college. You do what you were told. You're public servants. Y'all are helping out your community.

You should be able to have a house and a car, two cars. And you found yourself in a hole. And so be sad for a weekend. We wanted this to look like this and it's not going to right now. We're gonna have to do a ton of hard, hard work. But those days will come if you put your foot on the gas. You got this. Our scripture of the day comes from James 1.4. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. And Maya Angelou says,

nothing will work unless you do. That's a great quote. Nothing will work unless you do. You got to do it. Which is amazing. I feel like sometimes we want like a magic fairy to come in and just fix it all, be healthy emotionally, get a raise at work do all the

things for us doesn't always happen we sometimes have to put in that work yeah i i was at um hormosy the other day said alex said uh your success is found in the work you are avoiding like just start doing it yep start yeah Start doing it. That's right. That's right. So, so good. All right, up next we have Kylie in Minneapolis. Hey, Kylie, welcome to the show. Hi.

Hello. How can we help? So I recently just started a new job. I'm not making too much money, just about, I think I'm making $13.50. Okay. I started two weeks ago, and I was, you know, kind of searching for other jobs, too, and I got another job offer that offered me $18. Okay. The thing is, is that my boyfriend is completely unsupportive about me moving to this other job. So I'm kind of torn between staying at this job, making him happy versus going to this other job and causing some conflict in our relationship.

Okay. What are you doing now for a job? I'm currently at Fleet Farm. I just do stocking. Okay. And what's the new job? It would be in a factory doing paint prep. Okay. And why is he unsupportive of that? I think he has a lot of history of other people cheating on him. This new job would be working mainly with men.

So I think he's kind of an insecurity thing okay how old are you guys uh i'm 20 he's 19 okay how long have you guys been dating about eight months okay do you think um anything heading to the official conversation like do you think that is he it? Or are you guys just dating? What was that? Do you think that he's, is he your husband? Do you think like, okay, yeah, he's probably who I'm going to end up with? Or do you think

no, we're just dating and we're going to see what happens? No, we've done a lot of talking. That's the end goal is to obviously get married and, you know, we're in a good place. Okay.'s the end goal is to obviously get married and, you know, once we're in a good place. Okay. Okay. So the fact that it's that serious in a relationship,

Kylie does raise a lot of red flags for me in his insecurity. I mean, if he's been cheated, John's that relationship expert. I'm let him jump in on most of this, but. I'm like dying, man. If he's, if he's, you go, you go. Why am I going to go, John? No, go on no go ahead go ahead well what i was gonna say is yeah i mean i i mean i understand that he's like oh man i don't want this to happen again because what i went through sucks and it hurts but all that fact that he's putting all of that

on you and it's completely out of jealousy and insecurity kylie that's a red that's that's a problem there are more red flags here than at the red flag factory like where they make red flags yeah dude i i i mean think about what he's telling you hey i don't want you to improve your life financially because i um will be uncomfortable. Hmm. Right. So I'm going to attach my lack of trust and my lack of belief in myself and my lack of own personal security.

I'm going to make you carry that around to the tune of $5 an hour. That's how little I think of you and your trustworthiness. if you were my sister i would um tell you to listen to what the great jay-z says and that is to brush your shoulders off and roll out and here's the problem so sweeping it under the rug isn't going to fix it so what does that mean when you actually present him that no this is a better job for me. And I'm going to move forward. How he responds to that, Kylie, says a lot about who he is.

Okay. Okay. And as we're going to be your big siblings, I'm going to be your big sister, John will be your big brother in this. I think that that's and why I asked how serious the relationship is, because I'm like, I just want you to be very aware and go in to, I don't want you to make a decision, a lifelong decision of something like marriage when there's conversations like this happening. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yep. Absolutely. And by the way, he's 18. How many people have cheated on him between 14 and 18? Good grief. No, I mean, I guess he's 18 how many people have cheated on him between 14 and 18 good grief no i mean i guess he's had two girlfriends um before me and they both cheated on him with the same guy so

dude yeah now you could make this super interesting if that guy works at the factory please tell me that's true does he right does he no no not at all we live about an hour and a half away from each other i was gonna start chanting jerry jerry that would have been awesome that would have been awesome but listen uh if he had the courage let me let me try to see both sides of this if he had the courage to tell you hey i've been cheated on twice and the fact that you're gonna be working you're gonna be the only woman on the floor at this factory and guys are going to be like treating you like crap they're gonna be cat calling they're gonna be they're just gonna be all like i know how those dudes are makes me super uncomfortable i want to say good for him for speaking out loud that needs to be

followed with but i trust you and if you tell me you can't do this $18 an hour job, even though it would be amazing for you. And eventually when we get married, me too. And you say, I can't be around these people. I'll be right there to help you get your stuff out of there. And if you tell me, no, this is incredible. I'm learning some great stuff. I've got a leadership track here. I'm going to start at $18 an hour. I'm going to stay on. I'll be at $25 an hour in a year and a half. Awesome. But you see like vulnerability is part of it and so is trust and you got to have both of those things. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, you know, you did express that was basically how you did and it's just really the trust

part. But listen, Rachel and I, we just talked to a lot of couples and here's what happens if you don't if you don't attune to that red flag this next is you have you get pregnant and he says yeah um the mother of my kid doesn't do x y and z and to make him happy i'll just listen and do it which that gets so dangerous so fast for who you are, Kylie, like on your end. So learning to work through this could be either an eye-opening moment for you, Kylie, to be like, oh, this doesn't feel great anymore. I don't know how I feel about this. Or you push in and it's a great moment of saying, okay, this is some conflict and he's telling me this stuff and I'm speaking

up and we're actually going to work through this problem together and it actually strengthens you guys and you guys become healthier. But don't, please, don't just sweep it under the rug and do it because it's good for him and this is what he wants. It's not going to be healthy. It doesn't turn into anything healthy, healthy for you or healthy for your relationship or possible future marriage. Like nothing good comes out of that, Kylie. Okay. Okay. So how would I, I mean, you know, is that I kind of looked at the place. Um, I really haven't mentioned that. I, I wanted to wait because we live so far away from each other to talk to him in person rather than over text or over the phone. Oh, y'all even, y'all even the same community?

No, he was about an hour and a half away. Playing boyfriend and girlfriend on the internet we see each other every weekend for about four days so oh well don't i wouldn't change my career around him let me just say that not yet you go kylie you go do what you need to do and how he responds is going to say a lot about who he is and who you're going to decide to be in a relationship with. And look him in the eye and say, I won't cheat on you. And just know you guys are 19 and 20. And I never want to belittle people because of their age.

But also know you guys are figuring out life. And this is a really good moment for you, Kylie, to start practicing what it looks like for what Kylie needs. And what does Kylie need? Kylie needs a freaking $5 hour raise. It's huge. It's huge. It's great.

It's humongous. And Kylie needs to learn that it's not your job to make sure everybody else in the world that their needs get taken care of before yours. Okay? You have to be able to say, here's what I need. And right now you're looking at like,

I need groceries. And so I'm going to meet that need and look them in the eye and say, I want you to- And you're doing nothing wrong by taking this job either. Like, if you were doing something immoral, sure. But there's nothing immoral about this. You're doing great.

And God help you, don't cheat on him with that other guy. Because that's going to be a whole different phone call. Yeah, for his sake. Insanity, don't do that. All right. Well, thanks, John, for another great hour. Thank you, America, for listening. Thanks to all the guys in the booth. This is The Ramsey Show.