The Ramsey Show - App - How to Deal With Family Stress During the Coronavirus (Hour 3)

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

Dr. John Delony, Savings Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality joins me this hour. We'll be taking your calls about money and about relationship issues. If you need to work on relationship IQ, someone in your life. Or in the mirror. That could be someone in your life, yeah.

It could be somebody out there that's violating your boundaries, somebody out there that's a toxic work environment, somebody out there that is a crazy spouse a crazy kid they're crazy parents they're crazy out there man crazy crazy running and there's a little extra dose of crazy right now there's a lot of extra dose of hurting right now people yeah they um they they don't feel the need to hold their crazy back right now well the longer you're by yourself and the longer you're around your kids and working from home with your spouse, man, your filter thins out a little bit. It does. That's exactly what it does.

So John's here to answer your questions. Relationship IQ. You know, we talk about IQ, intelligence quotient, and there's a guy who wrote the book Emotional Quotient, EQ. But this idea that, you know, the people who do relationships well, that tends to affect every other area of your life, your health, your wealth, your spiritual walk. The people who can do relationships better than others just do better. I remember sitting in my car a few years ago listening to, remember the, was it the Madison website that had the, it was like a website for people to cheat on their spouse, and then they leaked them all. Oh, yeah.

The Ashley Madison site. Ashley Madison. So I remember there was some sociologists that did a study that took the confirmed actual names and then connected them to actual businesses, and then connected them to actual ethical violations. And I remember the researchers presenting this as though it was this extraordinary new finding that you're not going to believe. People who cheat on their wives also cheat in their business? Yeah. And it was like, wow. Whoa, dude.

Where's my car? Really remarkable finding. And so I remember just sitting there going, oh, man, for anybody with half a sense that if you're going to. Good. Gosh. Right? We had to have a government grant and spend $2 million for that piece of research, I'm

sure. Hey, you know what? I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. It confirmed what most of us know, that, man, if you get your relationships right and you get your relationships whole, you're going to be a better employer. You're going to be a better leader. You're going to be a better community member. Yeah.

Man. Inside out stuff. Yeah. Well, this idea that you can compartmentalize integrity doesn't work. It won't stay in its bucket. Or even when I've made stupid mistakes in my marriage over the years, it affects my work productivity. It affects my parenting, what kind of friend I am.

It works from the inside out that way too. And so, man, getting your relationships right with yourself, with your spouse, with your friends, with your work people, it just levels out everything else around you. Makes it work. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Ty is with us in Poland. Hey, Ty, how are you?

Hey, Dave, how's it going? Better than I deserve. How can we help? So I'm getting married soon, and we sat down and had the finance talk to be on the same page, and we've made it to where we think that we can live off of just my income. So I was wondering what advice you would have as far as what we could do with her income to prepare for retirement. Okay.

Are you military? Yes. Okay. Thank you for your service. All right. Now I understand how I'm getting this accent in Poland. Okay. Are you military? Yes. Okay. Thank you for your service. All right. Now I understand how I'm getting this accent in Poland. Okay. Ty, are you excited to get married? You just kind of rattled this off like a math problem. No, I am. I just... No, I am.

Hey, listen, I speak mostly in hyperbole, so the world needs more quiet, calm people like you, so good for you. Okay. So you guys got any – either one of you got any debt? So we have about $20,000 left on the mortgage, but we plan to pay that off in the next few months because we have about $90,000 in savings. So it's not that we can't pay it off right now where's the mortgage um it's on a house in austin texas that is rented no no owned i know you own it i'm saying have you rented it out? Cause you live in Poland. Um, yes. So, uh, we are actually, we put it up for rent and we're going to start renting it in, um, July and because we won't be able to live there for the next foreseeable future. Um, we're just going to keep, you know, renting it out until we move back.

Okay. Well, yeah, if you can be debt free, I would go ahead and be debt free. I'm not sure I would own a rental property in Austin while you're in Poland. Um, unless you're going to be moving back fairly soon. Uh, I wouldn't, if you're going to be taking a trek around the world with your military career and not move and settle in Austin for 15 years, then I wouldn't fool with that house. I'd sell it. But then that leaves you with absolutely nothing owned and a big pile of money. Way to go. move and settle in Austin for 15 years, then I wouldn't fool with that house. I'd sell it. But then that leaves you with absolutely nothing owned and a big pile of money. Way to go. Wow,

pretty amazing. So at that point, I'm going to start just investing and use some good mutual funds to do that. And one of the mutual funds needs to be called your house fund, just nicknamed that. And just put enough money in there to where you pay cash for a house when you settle down after your military career reaches the pinnacle to where it allows you to settle down or when you leave the military and you settle down, whatever. But as long as they're moving you around the world two or three times every two or three years, you're not going to want to own in that situation in most cases.

And I know I wouldn't keep the house in Austin unless you're going to be back there within a year or maybe two. But hard to move back in a house after you rented it, too. You're going to do a lot of renovation. But congratulations, you guys. Sounds like you really got the money thing on the run, and congrats on the marriage coming up. John is with us.

John's in Florida. Hi, John. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Hey, Dr. John. Thanks for having me on the marriage coming up. John is with us. John's in Florida. Hi, John. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Hey, Dr. John. Thanks for having me on the show. Sure. What's up?

First, I just want to say thanks. I just finished the Financial Peace University course. Last night was the last course for our church group. Cool. It was awesome. Yeah. So just a shout-out to Matt and Natalia for running that. So my question is, part of that course kind of made me see a lot of things

about debt, where people are at. I'm 29 and I want a family someday. I was just hoping you guys could talk about as I'm starting to date as a single guy, how to make finances part of that dating process and make sure that my relationship start off on kind of like a healthy financial foundation. Off the top of my head, I think it's going to be in the same conversation with any other values you're going to present to whoever you're dating. I don't run up to people and say,

you know, when I was dating, hi, my name is John. Would you like to go out, by the way? You know what I mean? I didn't start my conversations that way. But in short order, you know, the values of who you are and who you choose to go out with and who you choose to go out with a second time and a third time, those are all about the values that you find important and that you share these values with that other person. Sure.

Where do you guys see people mess up the most? They don't talk about it at all, not communicating. Well, they don't talk about it at all. Or they think they can change the person after they're married about any value, whatever. But if it's something that you hold dear, you need to talk about it. Money, in-laws, kids, religion. That's the big four. And, you know, you got to talk about it.

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chministries.org. Megan is with us in North Carolina. Hi, Megan. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hello. How can we help? I've been working on and off at a media small community paper since 2013, and it changed ownership hands recently in December and has become a pretty toxic environment. And I was wondering how I could be more resilient in these situations like this. Hey, well, thanks for calling, Megan.

Tell me what toxic environment looks like. There's a lot of yelling, but most of it is not that bad. It's ridiculous. It's really a lot of communication issues. There's a lot. Did you say there's a lot? Wait a minute. Stop.

Did you say there's a lot of yelling? Yes. Usually not directed at me, but it's in the office. So, of course, I hear it. And then there's a lot of communication issues. And the managers, the owners, are very stressed and have been for a while. It's not coronavirus. It's just the industry.

And they tend to take it out on others. Like I said, it changed hands in December. So the brother who took over is he and his wife. It's gone from me being trusted to do my job to being micromanaged and they've taken away so many of the things I enjoyed about my job. I just want to be able to live through these things and not tank our finances because I have to leave. So have you struggled with anxiety before? Have you experienced this at other work environments before? Yes.

Okay. Are you experiencing anxiety now? Yes. Okay. Are you experiencing anxiety now? Yes. Okay. And obviously I don't want to sound like I'm trying to note that no, you're clearly hurting now. Uh, but, and I'm thinking more anxiety. You stand up late and you have your thoughts race on you. Hard to, hard to sleep or are you experiencing those things? Yes. Okay. But I've always had a hard time sleeping. That's not new. Okay. Okay. So I've got some insights on resilience, and I'd love to hear Dave's thought just as a leader.

It makes me sick to my stomach when leaders, business owners think it's wise or helpful to yell at people and to treat people like dirt. But here's the thing. I want to give you something, but I want you to make me a promise of action in return. Is that cool? I will certainly try. Okay. So if you've had anxiety in a job before and you're having them in this job, regardless of the circumstance. And you, you mentioned, you know, thinking about getting a new job, my guarantee is you'll have them again. And so I want to do something that's going to sound weird. And I want to take your current job situation out of the equation for a second and just focus on you.

I had this extraordinary classmate named Lisa Pearson from Houston. She's a counselor there. And she gave me a sentence one day that changed my life. This is about five or six years ago. We were talking about counseling something or other. And she said, John, you get to decide. So hear me here. She said, you get to decide who hurts your feelings. And I thought that was counselor-y mumbo-jumbo and nonsense. And lo and behold, as we talked more and more, I realized, you know, people can frustrate me. They can make me angry. Dave Ramsey signs my paychecks. He can take away my job, but I get to decide who hurts me. And then all of a sudden I got to decide who goes in my, who has permission to hurt me box. And right now there's about four people in that box. And my parents are not in that box and I love them dearly.

And I take their wisdom and insight. My wife is a couple of close confidants and mentors are, and those are folks that I've called and said, you have permission to hurt me. And other than that, they don't get that. And so what happens is anxiety is a disconnection. It's,

it's a, it's a disorder of disconnection. And so if you aren't connected to people that you've given permission to hurt you and by virtue created boundaries where other people can't, they don't have permission to, then the yelling and the goofy leadership becomes a byproduct of, you're not trying to live in and support them and make them feel better about their day. You're going to do excellent work. And then you have permission to exhale and then go find other work that's going to be more meaningful to you. And so after I stopped letting people hurt my feelings, I took that out of the equation,

except for a few select people. Then all of a sudden, I haven't had those type of work-related anxiety attacks. And I've been able to carry myself and my close relationships with me, and I end up in environments like this. And you're not going to be able to change your boss, unfortunately. What you can change is yourself from the inside out. I'd love to hear what you have to say about dealing with this. Well, and you jettison from a toxic environment. Of course.

You're just not going to stay there. That's right. I mean, you may have to stay there for a week or two, and you can make it a week or two, but you've got to find something else. And you've got to know the things that keep you whole outside of work, right? You've got to do the things that – And, you know, right now, I don't want to tank my finances, she said. That's right.

I want to make sure I've got a place to jump to, not just from. That's right. And so you don't have the luxury in this current weird suppressed economy to just walk out the door. But you do need to walk out the door in the afternoon and go on interviews as much as you can. You need to find a job. You have 30 days to find a job, Megan. You need to leave. I do have another job.

I'm going to cashier at Lowe's and Dollar General. Well, is that going to replace the income you have now not quite okay all right well i mean and and if you can replace the income you've got now then it's very simple you need to leave there but john's pointing out the the one thing you can't leave is you you go with you everywhere you go that's right and so you've got to get that part worked out and go okay you don't have permission to treat me this way and since i don't think you're going to change i need to leave your presence and that's you know dr cloud uh a friend of john's and i wrote a book called necessary endings and you end a relationship, you end employment, you end a business contract,

when your hope that the future is going to change goes away. You lose hope that they're going to ever change. And I've lost hope that the guy you're talking about is going to change. You need to leave him. But I have full hope. I have full hope, Megan, that you can change. And Dave's right. Wherever you go, you're going to end up. And so setting yourself up for when you get to the next place, because you're going to go to Dollar General and there's going to be a moron

that works there and you're going to go to Lowe's and there's going to be someone who is disrespectful there. And so setting yourself up with the things upstream, the people in your life that you trust and support, the exercise routine, the books that you read, the not filling up your mind with social media, whatever the things are for you, setting up an environment so that anxiety never takes root. And that starts with connection. That starts with letting certain people in your life have access to your soul and cutting the rest of the people out. In terms of the access that's exactly cutting them out of your life but they don't get they no longer have permission to direct your uh your feelings that's exactly right yeah yeah i'm you know it's um i always think of the the brilliance of the four-year-old that looks at the other uh brother or sister and says

you're not the boss of me that's says, you're not the boss of me. That's exactly right. You're not the boss of me. And not letting people be your bosses, I mean, you don't love them. I love my mom and dad more than life itself, but my wife and I are in charge of setting up the home and going off on that trajectory together, right? And if you want a piece of advice, you can ask.

That's exactly right. But you don't have advice, you can ask. That's exactly right. But you don't have to even take that then. That's exactly right. And that's true of this show. And I think there's something with that. I did this hour trashing the timeshare industry, which is a horrible industry to the day. And just over and over and over for an hour,

I took calls from people who sat in a sales presentation, were abused in the sales presentation. And they're in there two, three, five, seven hours, some of them. And didn't get up and leave. You don't get that from me. I'm out. I'm like, I just can't. I'm not giving a stranger permission to hurt me.

There's nothing on the planet I want bad enough to do that. Nope. I mean, you could give me a house at the end of it, and I'm not putting up with that crap. I might take a house. But, yeah, I got you what you're saying. Like, you don't have – we get to decide – How cheaply you would sell the ability to get abused. Oh, I love it.

We get to decide who hurts our feelings. That's good. That's good. be more intentional with your time and money sign up for emails and let them do the thinking for you they have a shopping list generator that makes it incredibly easy you can have your meals organized and planned for the week and have your groceries waiting for you when you get to the store. The average customer saves $2,000 a year and two hours a week. Get a free two-week trial at eMeals.com. a lot of folks are cleaning out their closets because they've got time on their hands at home a lot of folks are cleaning out their garages because they've got time on their hands at home

a lot of folks are sitting down and looking at their overall financial situation and saying, you know, this is a time I should do that. Not because they're freaked out about corona or afraid they're going to die or something like that. But, you know, it's a good time to get your will updated. It's a good time to get your term insurance in place. It's a good time to make sure you're doing the, you know, you've got a little time on your hands, let's clean up the house, right? So our Ramsey Research team found that 74% of parents do not have a will. Folks, do not let the state decide what happens to your children.

You don't have a will. Someone else decides that. You don't have directions for guardianship in your will for your minor children. The state, a judge, one of the two or both will decide what happens to your children. That is not good. Hello. Do you really want those folks figuring that out for you no so everyone needs a will you don't have to be rich to need a will and if you you know pretty simple you can start with our free will preparation checklist this guide helps you think through seven important areas like naming guardians or beneficiaries plus all the little things you hadn't thought of. It's really quick to do. It takes about 10 or 15 minutes to do the checklist.

Download the guide for your free will preparation checklist. It'll get you thinking about this stuff. Text the word WILL to 33789. That's WILL to 33789. Tina is in New York. Hi, Tina welcome to the dave ramsey show how can john deloney and i help you hi how are you good you know what's up all right so just to let you know i'm a huge fan of yours i listened to you almost every day and we went through your program almost 15 years ago and successfully, you know, went through the whole program, completed it.

Sometimes the word Dave is still a bad name in my house. I can imagine. So I have four children ranging from the ages of 20 to 24. I had a set of twins in there, so don't get nervous. We were lucky enough because of going through this program, to be able to get our kids through college debt-free and buy them all their first used car in cash. Wow.

My oldest daughter is 24, just graduated college this year, and just got a job as a nurse, you know, making $75,000. Great. And she refused to live at home after she graduated. So I kind of talked her into buying a house instead of throwing money away at rent. She had enough money in her savings for a down payment, you know, and an emergency fund. But I told her she had to pay that money back within the next one or two years. So, but now she's been talking about getting, you know, about getting a new car or getting another car and financing it and also wants to get a credit card because now she can afford

it. And when I try to talk to her to get her, you know, to understand, you know, she gets combative with me and says that you know i'm not financially supporting her anymore and she's not living at home so i can't control her anymore and that she's an adult and she has to learn by her own mistakes you know what you know what's you know what the problem is she's right that's good to say you should take my seat here you're better at this than i am oh it's so frustrating i think the hardest part tina i think the hardest parenting you ever do is with grown children because stupid is not illegal

what i what i'll tell you tina you have a conversation with her to get her i think you've had too many yeah you've had them you've had them and here's the deal you've lived it you've set the example she's going to get maxed out she's going to fall down and she's going to remember mom was right and then she's good i i there's that great for that hole you let them go in that hole it's not your choice there's not a let there is there's that old quote that old quote

by Mark Twain that was man when I was 14 my dad was the dumbest guy I ever met and I was stunned when I turned 21 at how much he had learned in 7 years like my parents man when I was just graduating college, my mom and dad had so much to learn. And the older I get, man, they are so wise and so loving and so remarkable.

So she'll come back. She'll come back. But just hitting her over a stick is going to drive her further away. What you're doing is not working, too. So if this was your daughter and you wanted to go down. If this was my daughter, here's what I would do. I would have to let her go because she's 24, and stupid's not illegal. Now, what I have learned with grown kids, because they work here,

and I'm also their boss in some cases, but even then I treat them like i do another team member uh and that is i give them the dignity of being an adult not a child and you're still treating her with your mom voice kiddo she ain't gonna hear your mom voice anymore she just puts you on notice no more mom voice and so what you're gonna have to use is your friend voice. Have you got some friends that have kids about the same age? Oh, yeah. Okay. If one of those kids was misbehaving, you would use a different language

and a different tone to convince and persuade them than you've been using with your daughter. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you wouldn't you yeah i mean i want to go off the deep end and sam taking you out of my will if you get a no no no no no no she's not doing she's not doing drugs she's getting a credit card there's a difference okay i agree she's being stupid and really disrespectful because she grew up in a financial peace household i get that it's offensive uh it's worrisome it's all those things but no i that i you know the only shot you have at persuading a grown child is the persuasion tone of a friend not the mother octave when i drop into my dad octave and they hear me being daddy, their tapes from their childhood start playing in their head. Then instantaneously something switches in their head and the shields go up and they go, wait just a dadgum minute.

I'm an adult. You don't get to treat me that way anymore. And that's exactly what she's saying. And I've seen people do it in my friend's circle because we're about the same age tana and we've got these grown kids issues and you know i they don't even treat their own kids the way i think they should well and and tina you mentioned something that that i i just want to speak to this is your oldest daughter she's graduated college she's now a nurse that

means she can stick needles in people and help you he'll sew people up and all the stuff you're gonna have to exhale and let her grow up and i know that as having number one here that's hard she didn't want to move back in with you would have been so good to get all your chickens back in the nest coming she's a grown-up chicken she gotta fly and she's gonna she's gonna fall down she's gonna get chased by coyotes and whatever. But she's going to be all right because you raised her, right? And you raised her with values. And you raised her to be connected and to love you.

But you've got to let her go. The horrible thing is you raise them up to be successful adults. And then, dadgum, they don't do it. Without you. Without you. I want them to – I raise them up to leave. And then they do. My promise is I'm going to hug my daughter Josephine for you extra tonight just for you.

That's my promise. Yeah, and that's what you need to do. Just say, honey, I love you, and even when you're stupid, I still love you. That's all you can do. Yeah. Thanks for the call. That's a really good call. It's very important.

It really is. I mean, you get the call for the call. That's a really good call. It's very important. It really is. I mean, you get the call all the time. These people that are, you know, how do I get my friend to not lease the car? How do I get my daughter to not? How do I get my mom and dad to save money? They're in their 50s and they misbehaved their whole lives and they're going to retire broken. I'm going to have to feed them later. You don't.

You can't. You can control. It's outside your locus of control. And your action. It's not your control. The only thing you can control is you. And God, it's so frustrating to watch people you love bring harm to themselves because of their stupidity. It's very frustrating.

Just letting them know, I'll be here when you get back. Yeah. Still be standing here, and I still won't have a credit card. We can meet at the waffle house maybe or maybe not this is the dave ramsey show dental insurance is great if somebody else is paying for it but if you're footing the bill onedental.com is a much better way for my listeners onedental.com is a discount membership that gets you unlimited lower rates at the dentist, not just for cleanings, but even dentures, implants, root canals, braces, and more.

Whether you're getting a plan for yourself, your family, or your business, OneDental.com is the way to go. Visit OneDental.com. our scripture today proverbs 24 14 know that wisdom is such to your soul. If you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Michael Jordan said, if you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, you will never change the outcome. Anderson is with us. Anderson is with us. Anderson is in Arkansas.

Hi, Anderson. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. I really appreciate it. Sure. What's up? So I have a dilemma.

I'm looking at some of my retirement goals, I'm currently 33, and my wife and I have saved about $160,000 for retirement so far, contributing about $1,000 a month and been using your investment calculators, a lot of your tools, which I'm in product management myself, and they're fantastic. So kudos to that team. And so along with that, it's looking like somewhere around my results are coming up about $3.4 million in retirement. But right now I have the opportunity to use my savings plus my 401k contributions to pay off the remainder of my mortgage and then put my house payment towards that, which would start me back over at zero, but $3,000 a month since I'm 33 would put me at around $5 million in retirement.

Are you saying cash out your 401K and pay off your house? Cash out the contribution. No, I would not do that. No, I would not do that no i would not do that okay no i want you to get out of debt yeah i want you to get out of debt as bad as anybody on the planet but you have 160 000 on this dig that is sitting in a protected retirement account let that thing go let it grow let it let the magic of compound interest go there and then reach over and attack your house.

You're going to get your house paid off in five years anyway. What do you make? What's your household income? About $115,000. Yeah, you're killing it. Way to go, man. You're doing really good. You're really, really good.

Just work your baby steps, man. There's no shortcut. Mathematically, what you're doing would probably switch out, but I wouldn't want to be there with zero retirement saved and a paid for house and that's the trade-off and you gave up all the ability for that you gave up you got to pay taxes on it you pull it out and so um it's not tax-free it's penalty-free right now till the end of the year and i just i'm i never tell people and i haven't in 30 years, to cash out your retirement unless it's to avoid a bankruptcy or a foreclosure, and you're certainly not doing that.

You're just trying to maximize your returns. Linda is in Minnesota. Hi, Linda. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Your question for Dr. John Deloney. Oh, hello. It's such an honor to speak with you. I have a question.

So for Dr. D, my husband now works from home, and I have a 13-year-old and a 16-year-old who are home, and we just found out today that they're not going back to school this school year. So we have just four people in our house, which is getting smaller by the minute. And stress and I'm nervous and scared and my husband's got a temper and my daughter's sad and my son is 13 and squirrely. And we're all going crazy. And I just wanted to know if there's something you could tell me that I could calm us all down especially my daughter she's just sad so a couple of important things how old your daughter

what grade is she in oh you told me that 16 years old right yep so she's in 10th she's a 10th grade so a couple of important things here number one as family, and the best you can to get your husband around the table on this, sit together, do it tonight, and grieve the loss. And actually verbalize, this stinks that you lost your school year. And talk about the things that you're going to miss. Talk about the things that aren't going to happen. You're not going to have the end of school party, the end of school dances, whatever those things are going to be.

And acknowledge the milestones. If you don't acknowledge them, they just take wings and roots and they grow inside your head and your soul. And then it just compounds and turns into this messy, spinny, junky mess. And so acknowledge them. Think of it this way. Don't call it this in public, but think of holding a mini funeral for the things that we lost, grieve them and actually name them. And then they, they kind of lose their power a little bit. And then the second most important thing that I think is going to make the rest of this, the rest of this uncertain time until your husband goes back to work or till you kind of get in the rhythm of what a summer is going to look like, um, is to start every single

day with a plan, get all four people around the table. I use this cheesy little note card. And every morning I asked my wife, what's the picture of today look like? And we get the kids, and we do a family hug, and then we all take off. But it's that short time. And it could be 10 minutes, 15 minutes. It just says, here's what today looks like. It's everybody on the same plan. Here's the deal. Our brains take familiar for safe. That's why people stay in crummy marriages way too long. That's why they stay in crummy marriages way too long. That's why they work for junkie bosses for way too long because it just feels safe neurologically. And so nothing feels familiar for your family right now.

And so this practice of making a plan every day, it sounds so lame and so cheesy. Just trust me on it. Make a plan every morning. Make sure everybody's on the same page. And over the next couple of days, just the act of making a plan becomes becomes familiar everybody exhales a little bit and then you get on about your day people are going to bump into each other you're going to have to be graceful and your kids are going to be annoying because that's just what kids do especially 13 to 16 year old god bless you and you're going to have to be direct with your husband and you about making sure y'all two take

time to connect with one another. But you can do that. Start with making a plan every morning. Yeah. John, is there any – is it wise or not – I'm not leading you because I truly don't know the answer to the question. To call some of this out and say, okay, 13, you're being a squirrel. I'm mom. I'm being afraid. 16-year-old old you're acting depressed

dad your temper is driving the rest of us nuts do you do you call some of that out if if dad's got the if dad's got it will act like a grown-up yes if he doesn't get mad when you do it there you go that's right so if you what will happen at the planning meeting is if they do it right in about day three or four that'll get real annoying and then it will be an organic conversation because you've got to practice talking first if you practice with pointing out hey you were acting like this and it becomes an attack my walls go up okay and so if you practice making a plan then by friday like susan you've got to stop being annoying and billy you're just leaving your junk everywhere and we get it we're sad we got to move on and um husband you can't be like that like i need you to go for a walk right but it starts with this practice it's just a it's just a

daily practice of making a plan together and then yes then you get comfortable enough calling each other out in a respectful dignified way because you're now doing it within a framework that's right okay we're okay otherwise it's just accusations. It just becomes name-calling. That's right. All right. I get you. Okay. Interesting.

And dads across the country, and I'm looking in the mirror when I say this, be nice to your families when you're working from home. I know it's frustrating. I know it's hard. Honor your families. Honor your families. This is a hard, hard season. Yeah. families this is hard hard season yeah it's um well i mean we process

fear anxiety we can't control things we were controlling we thought we were and sometimes we process that as anger that's exactly right or sometimes we process it with withdrawal so in my house i don't get loud i withdraw that my, I go hide. And when I start hiding, then I start getting lonely. When I get lonely, my anxiety alarms go off, and then I end off down the road somewhere, usually covered up in gummy candy and Peeps and all kinds of other. It always goes back to junk food. I tell you what, man. So, but yeah, this idea of when I feel myself starting to lean this way, then I now know

I've got to lean back this way. I've got to take my son's hand and say, let's go for a walk, or I've got to pick my daughter up. Let's go run around in the backyard, and I've got to go hug my wife intentionally. And so I have to be a grown-up about that. And some folks, their default setting is they get angry. They get loud. They get frustrated. And they've got to be able to say the words, I'm sorry.

They've got to be able to say the words, I was wrong. They've got to be able to say, I've got to go for a walk. Right? It's about knowing yourself. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Blow off steam with a walk. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's good. Very good stuff. Or shove it down with gummy candy. One of the two. One of the two. One more time. We get in one more plug for the peeps.

I love it. Oh, Dr. John, thanks for hanging out today. Hey, thanks for letting me be here. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show and the books. Thanks to James Childs, our producer, Kelly Daniel, our associate producer and phone screener. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace,

and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. In the middle of these uncertain times, Ramsey Solutions wants to give you some hope. For the very first time ever, we're giving you Financial Peace University free for 14 days. Go to DaveRamsey.com slash hope so you can watch from home. Guys, I've been saying this over and over.

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