The Ramsey Show - App - How to "Fight Fair" as a Couple When You Disagree (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

Relationships, Debt Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, my co-host on the show today, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. We're here to answer your questions about your life and your money. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Freddie's in Maryland. Hey, Freddie, what's up?

Good afternoon, gentlemen. Hey, how can we help? So I'm getting ready to retire from the military in two years. I have $164,500 in debt.. 137,500 is in my rental property. And then the other 27 is between my car, credit cards, and student loans. I have roughly 4,700 in a savings account. And then I got 12,400 in my first savings plan in the military. I just recently, just recently, me and my wife just recently found you guys a podcast like last Friday, we listened to your book. Wow. And we're trying to figure out how to attack step two.

The thing that we're scared about is taking that money out of the first savings plan. Cause I believe there's like 20% in taxes associated with with that we don't tell you to do that okay so i would leave that there okay yes sir so you got 4,700 and you've you're you're brand new at this whole ramsey stuff cool thank you for calling i appreciate you calling. So have you already learned what Baby Step 1 is? Yes, sir. What is it? It's Save $1,000 in the Bank. Okay.

And you got $4,700. Yes, sir. So what that means in our plan is you're going to be on a written budget. The two of you are going to hold hands and work together. We're going to plow our way through the debt as fast as we possibly can, all of your debt except real estate debt. And we're going to use anything that's not, we're going to stop adding to the thrift savings temporarily,

and we're going to knock this debt in the nose. You're going to hit it as hard as you can hit it, okay? And that means $3,700 comes out of that account and goes on your smallest debts. You're going to list your debts smallest to largest. Now, what is your smallest debt? My smallest debt is a credit card for $450. Perfect.

We're going to pay that off and cut it up. Plastic surgery. You'll be on a budget and be using debit cards out of your checking account from this point forward, okay? Yes, sir. Now, then what's your next smallest debt? My next smallest debt is another credit card for $2,700. Gone. That's $3,100 of $3,700.

So that leaves me $600. What's the next smallest debt? It's like another one that's 20, another credit card that's 27.5. Okay. It's now 21.5, $2,150. And that's going to be the first thing that just starts getting hammered. Every dollar you can squeeze out of your budget of your life is going to go on that thing. And no life.

No life. No life. Beans and rice, rice and beans. Now, you've been listening long enough. You've heard a lot of that before, right? Yes, sir. Okay. So this is cool.

What did you do in the military, man? I'm an infantryman. Okay. So you've done hard things. Lots of them. Yes, sir. You can follow a plan and do hard things for other people. Now it's time to do hard things for you and your wife.

Ooh. Yeah. It was just my wife wanted me to,, I guess, we're trying to find a FPU around us because literally we found you guys on Friday. I listened to your book on Saturday. And then on Monday I was ready to sell the truck and the dog. And a baby. And a baby.

Hey man, you don't mess with an entryman with a goal, dude, right? With a target. What are you going to do when you get out? I haven't decided yet, but right now I'm working in the field with the future weapon systems that come in. So I'd like to more work into like an advisory role. Yeah. Yeah. Some contractor stuff.

Cool. Yeah. Because those weapons are extremely cool um sidebar but uh so what is your household income today today it is 78 good and how much debt do you have that's not the rental house total uh total 27. Okay. 27.5. Okay. And we just got rid of 3,500 of that, 3,700 of that. Yes, sir. In our little scenario that we just did, okay? And so you got like 20,000 bucks to go on 78.

So that's probably six months to a year, somewhere in there. You guys are going to be done with your debt except the rental property. You may want to sell the rental property and keep the truck. That's what we were thinking because right now i owe 37.5 on the house it's worth last time i checked it's worth 205 37 137 5 137 sorry about that yes okay 137 i thought i didn't hear you right earlier okay so 130 so you got some equity in that and that would get you give you a head start towards your transition out of the military in 18 months, right? Yes, sir. Yeah.

So if not this fall, then probably spring I'm putting that property on the market. Okay. And that's going to help you guys make the transition if you change cities, if you do whatever. And the next property you buy will be one you live in after the military. Yeah. Okay. And you're doing great the military. Yeah. Okay. And you're doing great, man. Absolutely.

Listen, here's what I want to do. I want to say thank you for your service, and what we're going to do is we're going to put you guys into Ramsey Plus, which includes Financial Peace University for a year. I'm going to pay for it. Thank you very much, sir. I appreciate that. Thank you.

You're the kind of guy I come down here and do this show for. That's exactly right. You hold on, and Kelly will pick up, and we'll get you signed up for that. It includes the EveryDollarSync, where you sync up with your bank. It includes the Baby Steps app tracker. It includes all the classes, including Financial Peace University. We're going to pay for all of it. Just to say salute, baby.

We appreciate you. It's awesome. One of these days, I'm going to get this thing to where I can just give it to the military. Wouldn't that be cool? That'd be awesome. That would be cool. Yeah. I'm working on that behind the scenes. I ain't got it all figured out yet. That would be cool? That'd be awesome. That would be cool. Yeah. I'm working on that behind the scenes.

I ain't got it all figured out yet. That would be cool. That would be a fun thing to do. And to find somebody who's thinking 18 months from now, my life's going to be different. I'm going to reverse engineer this and start right now. But I mean, I don't know what bigger compliment a teacher can have than go, I read all your stuff this weekend and I'm already doing it. Yeah.

I mean, that's like, yeah, I'll help you. Yes, I'll help you. I don't have to talk you into doing crap. I heard about you on Friday. I read your book on Saturday. We sold the truck and the dog on Sunday. That's right. I was like, good God.

I love this guy. My wife duct taped her hands to the front door so she could stay. No, that's awesome, man. Good for both of you. But here's the thing. What he did learn in the infantry and you brought this up because there's a behavior pattern there that matters and um anyone that's been through any kind of training of any type like this where you have to break your own self down

in order to submit to a plan that works. And that word submit is very difficult for humans. And, you know, if I hire a trainer, a personal trainer, and he comes to my house in our little gym and shows me how to do stuff and I don't do what he says, I've wasted my money. And his time. And I have not submitted myself to his knowledge, his training, his process. And if I'm not willing to do that then i'm this is just like it's another it's an expensive form of denial that's exactly that's exactly right and

it's just like you know so but when you submit yourself to something that's what but he learned that you know you learn how to take orders you learn how to to get a goal and go get it get it go get it get it that's what you do and you do. And that's a big deal, man. He's going to have this house sold in 30 days. He's going to be debt free. It's a big deal. What a stud. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Folks, I love telling you about well-made, well-thought-out products.

Today, I'm talking about Grip6 belts. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique. Owner BJ designed a truly modern, minimalist belt made of high-quality materials with no holes, no flap, and no bulk. And the buckles come in really cool designs and are interchangeable. I personally own these belts in different styles, and talk about affordability,

Grip 6 belts come with a lifetime guarantee. And that means if you no longer like or fit the style of your belt, you can replace them for free. Plus, I like the way these guys do business. Grip 6 is determined to help build and modernize American manufacturing. To learn more and get this month's Dave Ramsey special, visit Grip6.com. That's Grip6.com. Thanks for joining us, America. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. My co-host on the air today, Dr. John Deloney. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. A 100% satisfaction guarantee that means even if you mismeasure you pick the wrong color they'll remake your window blinds for free it is literally foolproof if you're a fool they will give you your money back i mean it's pretty amazing they'll do it over because i've been on stuff like that i've been a fool i can mess something up like that free samples free shipping and all promos are used the promo code ramsey to always get the best deal. John, our question.

Today's question comes from Tree in Kentucky. He visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, How do you fight fair as a couple when you disagree? Oh, that is awesome. What a question. It's a wonderful question. This is a Dave question. Not a bunch of lines, not a bunch of delonisms like talking about when he was sad and he was a kid.

How do you fight fair as a couple when you disagree? Simple question. So here's my answer, Dan. You're saying my questions are simple questions? I'm just saying you're simple. I think you just said that on the radio. You're direct. I tend to run my mouth.

So here's what I would say. Number one, I would always ask, why are we fighting? For what? What's this disagreement about? Right? The second thing I would always ask is, what we fighting? For what? What's this disagreement about? Right? The second thing I would always ask is, what's the outcome going to be? Am I digging my heels in on something? Am I having a disagreement because I think I'm right?

Am I just wanting to fight? There's those moments we just want to engage. And then the other thing is, number three is, can I be heard? Am I speaking just to have said something? Or am I talking in a way that the other person is going to hear me? And sometimes that means I've got to be quiet in the moment when I'm heated. I've got to get off site. I've got to say things that I know aren't going to push my wife's buttons. But it always goes back to the central, why are we even having this discussion?

Why are we fighting? Are we fighting for ten things that have happened over the last three weeks? Or are we having a disagreement right now over one thing? Right. That's really good. What about the fair part? You know, like I know one of the things I have learned, it's actually helped my marriage to learn how to do conflict here at the office. And so here at the office, we fight.

I mean, we do conflict here at the office. And so here at the office, we fight. I mean, we do conflict here. We eat it for breakfast. But it's not for the purpose of conflict or the purpose of damaging the soul of the individual. It's we're fighting for excellence. And so I can argue with you, and you and I can have a heated exchange, but we have a level of trust that it's not about uh you not liking me

me not liking you it's about this thing and we're just arguing about how to do the thing better right or whether to do the thing right or what excellence looks like in the thing but when you cross the line and you make it personal uh and i go yeah well i mean you're just that guy right then it turns to contempt versus working on the problem is that the part of the fair it's knowing the boundaries i know your boundaries i know my wife's boundaries and when i intentionally choose to cross them i'm not being fair when i am because because she trusts me i have permission to hurt my wife and she's got permission to speak into my world. And so when I wield that unethically, when I wield that sword to hurt, right?

So that's me saying, I'm going to speak. I'm going to say something that I know is going to get you because I'm going to win, right? When I make a fight with my wife, a disagreement with my wife about a won and a loss, I've already lost. Because we're on the same team, and we're fighting the same thing we are we are grinding out life together and so when i cross that boundary and i know i'm gonna bury you with this one i've already lost because man yeah you know what dr philly should say like do you want to be right or do you want to be together right am i am i fighting right now just to be right or am i trying to solve a problem together so we can move on yeah les parrot talks about um one of the most deadly of forces in the marriage material that

he's done is contempt the eye roll that when someone rolls right it's the ultimate dismissal of your personhood right and that's that's the non-fair thing that's when you just you just said it doesn't even matter what you think because you don't matter and think about that positionally right that is me putting myself on a throne saying i'm just brushing that off my shoulder yeah right that's just away with you away with you peasant that's right that's right right get that dirt off my shoulder yeah so i i've never done that no no no not me not in 38 years never ryan is in south carolina is going to get me out of this what's up ryan hey dave hey dr d it's great to talk with you and also with you how can we help

so um i'm gonna try and tell a long story short um my parents got divorced when I was five. Before they got divorced, they bought a trailer, a double-wide trailer. Eventually, my mom got remarried and moved away from that place. My dad got remarried and moved away from that place but still owned the trailer. He passed away four years ago. At some point in time, my grandma either had to buy the trailer back for my dad or was a cosigner on the loan for them. Initially, I'm not really clear on that detail. But so when my father passed away, my stepmom thought that the trailer went to her.

It didn't. It went to my grandma, who is now 89 years old and trying to get her widow and things like that in order. And she asked if I would assume that. Now, they've done a rent-to-own mortgage, essentially, agreement with a lady who's living on that property now. My wife and I are in a relationship. Your grandmother wants you to assume the debt on the double-wide from your father who passed away? Right.

No. Yeah, no, man. That was my initial thought, and so it kind of worked out without her being on the air today. I don't know how to breach that subject and tell her no without hurting her, I guess. If your relationship with your grandmother is based on her doing damage to you financially, you don't have a relationship. That's fair. What kind of grandmother wants to hurt her grandson?

None. And the other side of that is... Well, mostly none. Yeah, and the other side of the conversation is if... How old are you? I'm 26. Yeah, there is no 26-year-old who's going to do any explaining to an 89-year-old. It's just not going to happen.

And she probably thinks she's doing you a favor. She's helping you out, right? And so the best way to do it is to say we're good where we live, and thank you but no thank you, and your grandmother can work directly with the tenant if that's what she wants to do. Hey, leave it to them. You stay as far away from that as possible. Just bless them with this.

Okay. Sounds good. I've actually got another question if I have a minute. You do. Jump in. So my wife and I are in Baby Step 2. We're expecting our first child in November. And she is currently an LPN,

and she is interested in getting her RN to kind of step up, and that would increase our income significantly. Excellent. I'm looking at the opportunity of her having some maternity leave to maybe jumpstart her program. We're in a situation, I work at a church, and we could pay out of pocket to cover her new program but that would definitely slow us way down on getting out of baby step two how much debt have you got ready uh 65 about about 65,000 all student debt and you said your household income is what household income is about 75 yeah and the rn is 120 grand Household income is about $75,000. Yeah. And the RNs, $20,000?

Well, no. We'll do it through a tech program here in town. So I would anticipate maybe $20,000 total. But, you know, we'd be paying that out of pocket as we went. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's still $20,000 versus $65,000 that you already got. Yeah. Listen, I think it's an incredibly smart decision to get the RN.

I have to answer this as what I would do if I were in your shoes, and I would clear the other debt before you did it. I really would. Both of you roll up your sleeves, and let's get this thing knocked out. Because you were talking about a year and a half, two years to do this and then start the RN, and you don't have this monkey on your back of $65,000 while you're trying to work through the RN program. You're still going to get to where you want to go, and it's a good program, and she should do it. I want to call out something Ryan said, which was we're going to take this maternity leave,

and I want to use this as an opportunity for her to get ahead. Yeah. And I want to tell Ryan, let your wife be with her baby. Don't start ROI-ing her time that you think is going to be free time for her just to play around the house. She's going to be growing a human. Let it be. Love your wife through this moment. You can get an in in a minute.

Good counsel. And just smile at your grandmother and say, honey, I love you, but I can't take the trailer. I got a baby on the way. That's enough. This is the Dave today, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. The main difference between houses that sit on the market and houses that actually sell are oftentimes simply this. Your real estate agent is awesome or they suck.

That's the difference. And the Pareto principle is definitely true in the real estate business. 20% of the real estate agents sell 80% of the houses. And among that 20%, 20% of them sell 80% of those houses. I mean, it just keeps on going. Is it about hustle? There's a whole bunch of donut eaters in that business. Is it about hustle?

It's about knowledge. It's a professional. You freaking know what you're doing. And if you sell two houses a year, I'm happy for you, but you not i mean you're not i don't want you selling my largest asset no i mean if you get ready to hire a consultant to come in and work for our company let's say we hired a uh an seo digital consultant and we're gonna pay them twenty five thousand dollars to help us with seo and we say you know how many times you've done. Crap, I know more about it than you do. Right.

No, I've helped 47 companies this year, and I've made them an ROI of this. Well, that's a professional consultant. That's what a real estate agent is. So you've got to know the value of a good real estate agent, and it's worth it to go through the trouble to find the right ones. Well, we did that for you because we don't have any subpar agents in our endorsed local provider program. They're all high-octane, high-protein getters.

They get her done. So never again settle for a subpar agent because they're a family member or somebody that's a friend that you're afraid you're going to hurt their feelings. Please hurt their feelings. Gently, kindly, but

if your friendship is dependent upon you letting a neophyte sell your house, you don't have a good friendship. So move on. Find the agent that we recommend at DaveRamsey.com slash agent, particularly in this weird post-COVID, sort of post-

pandemic, whatever market we're in. You've got to have somebody with a flip they're doing drive you crazy man ben is with us ben's in connecticut hey ben what's up in your world man well i have a little bit of a relational problem i'm hoping you and dr d can help me with okay bring it on so i just entered into my first relationship in two years and i am punching way out of my league here. That's a good sign.

Dave and I can both identify, so continue. Fantastic. I've been on baby step two for the past two years. The first year I was gazelle intense. The last year I had some real bad news, knocked my emotional wind out of me, so I was acting like a donkey. But this girl that I'm dating now,

debt-free, cash flow to master's degree, and has her three to six months, and I'm afraid she's going to realize I'm a donkey. I've got $70,000 left in debt, and I just don't know how to deal with it. So why are you sabotaging this thing before it even gets off the ground, man? I'm trying not to.

I've expressed to her I have the debt, and she's fine with it. She's a cheerleader for me. That's just my problem is feeling with me like I'm trying not to. I've expressed to her I have a debt, and she's fine with it. She's a cheerleader for me. That's just my problem is feeling with me like I'm inadequate. Yeah, so you've got to picture yourself with a cinder block that just says, I don't have value, and you're carrying it around looking for the next wonderful person to hand that to. Why are you doing that? Well, the reason I've been single for two years is I had a marriage that fell apart

because my wife had a boyfriend behind my back for six months. There you go. And so somebody handed you a brick that said you're not worth anything, and you're still carrying something that somebody handed you. And so the work you've got to do is to put that sucker down. Put the cinder block on the ground and leave it there. Take the lessons you learned from the last marriage, whatever you brought to it, good and bad. Take the pain that somebody put in your back pocket, acknowledge it, own it, and then put that brick down.

And if you've stumbled into, you walked into, you created a scenario where you attracted somebody who's extraordinary, honor her, love her, and value yourself, then, man, run wide open. There is one way to guarantee you're never going to get hurt again, and that's to never love again. Pain is the price of love. It comes with it. And in my life, it's always been worth it.

So, let me ask you something. does the amount of debt that you have make you a donkey or what you're doing about it? It was what I was doing about it. Which was nothing? Yeah. Back then I posted to Harley for sale. So are you, because your ex was a liar, a betrayer, and broke her promises, how does that make you a donkey? It doesn't.

Okay. I didn't think so. That was a leading question, by the way. Yeah. And, hey, let me give you this one. If you got hit by a car and you got up and stumbled and tripped over a curb, would it be fair for me to say you're clumsy? No.

Okay. So you got run over by a truck. You made some stupid decisions with money. It's not fair for me to call you a donkey. You've recognized it. You got it. You picked yourself up. You dusted yourself off.

Go get it man if you get this framed right in your head and you start working to get out of debt i think it makes you a thoroughbred because you're coming back from catastrophe um if you sit on the corner and sit on the curb and suck your thumb and the rest of your life, this is your identity. Yeah, I'll go with donkey because you're adopting the position of victim then, but you're not. All it is is you're just in the hole and she's like shiny right now. You get to know her a little better. You're going to find out she probably got a ward or two. She comes from a family of EDM.

Yeah. Well, that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. So do my kids. And yet my kids, when they were dating, the person that was marrying into our family, we had to explain to them that it was not a perfect family.

Looks really shiny. There's a lot of bright lights around us and we talk a lot but um but far from perfect and so we had to warn the potential suitors coming into our lives that this is a very difficult family to be a part of hey ben can i ask you this question do you do you not trust This is something I've run across With folks who have been cheated on Do you not trust This future person To not care for you Or have you lost trust in yourself

Lost trust in myself I trust her more than anything There you go So I want you to value yourself As a trustworthy guy Yeah You didn't do anything wrong you're scratching back from getting kicked in the teeth and you know i i don't i don't think i'm talking to a donkey and if you've listened to this show for very long i would

have told you you know that okay and hey ben you're looking at two guys who've been knocked down before yep and usually dave i don't speak for you but the times i've been knocked down is because i've punched my own self in the face and so you're getting back up man you've got this you know and honestly it may be a good thing to do some you know depending on what stage this relationship's in it's good to sit down with a good marriage counselor in a pre-marriage thing. Always. Always. And just say, we pretty much demanded it of our grown kids to go get good pre-marriage counseling.

Always. Where they discover, you know, this is what's wrong with your family of origin, and you're going to bring that in. And here's how I process problems. This is what's right, and this is what's wrong with this former marriage, and you're going to bring that in and here's how i process problems right and this is what's wrong with this former marriage and you're going to bring that in and oh by the way these everyday millionaires over here aren't quite as shiny as by god they look like on the first date or second date or even fourth date um you get in there you're going to find out that you know that they got every family's got something that's right and some of them put the fun in dysfunction you And so you get in there and figure it out

and get somebody to kind of coach you guys through this and that levels the emotional playing field because right now it feels like it's not just money that's not level. It feels like this character's not level and pain's not level. Yeah. And you start both speaking the same language. Yeah. And then you can walk this out together.

Good for you, Ben. Or you don't. Good for you, Ben. Very good. Very good. Smart guy. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. Our scripture of the day, 2 Corinthians 9-10, He who supplies the seed to the sower and bread for food

will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. Our friend Christine Kane says, sometimes when you're in a dark place, you think you've been buried, but you've actually been planted. Ooh, I like that one. Christine, she's good. That's good. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Anthony is in Canada. Hi, Anthony. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey825-5225. Anthony is in Canada. Hi, Anthony. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thanks for having me. Sure. What's up? Enjoy it.

So earlier this year, I got really lucky, and I won a million dollars in the lottery. And up here in Canada, you don't get taxed on it. So I got a check for a million dollars and I was getting harassed by investment people. So I got annoyed and I just ended up paying off my mortgage and all my debt. And now I found you way too late in life and I'm discovering your baby steps. So I've sort of fast forwarded to paying off my home early. But then I'm wondering how baby step four, which is investing 15% of your household income plays into baby step seven, which is just building wealth. And if there's something else I should be doing. No. Yeah. Wow. What an incredible deal. How old are you? 35. What do you do for a living?

I'm a lawyer. Oh, good. Okay. What do you make? Well, so I make 240 and then my wife is a veterinarian and she makes about 90 working part-time right now. So we were, you know, we were blessed already kind of working our way through our yeah i think i didn't yeah wow this is this is like is this all true this is amazing this is kind of like a kick galoney while he's down show man congratulations man this is awesome wow that's so impressive so you're So you're making tons of money, and you're 100% debt-free due to this lottery hit. Yes. Okay, cool.

And I've got to tell you what actually spurred it was I was on YouTube one night, and I was looking at Purdy shotguns and thinking how I could never afford one of those fancy guns. And then a lottery advertisement showed up on YouTube. So I went that night, bought a ticket, checked it the next morning, and then found out that I won. That's bizarre. So you played one time. Oh, no, I've bought tickets in the past,

but, you know, we'd be filling up for gas or whatever on random occasions, and this one, it was just spur of the moment that night. Well, I don't want this call to encourage other people to do this because it's not spur of the moment that night yeah well i don't i don't want this call to encourage other people to do this because it's not a proven plan of building wealth you just were freaking lucky okay but i'm happy for you just the same um so i want to acknowledge that too it is a statistical improbability and i got lucky yeah okay i own that okay so uh uh but anyway i'd love yeah I'm happy for you. I'm glad you've been blessed.

Man. So, okay. There's three things that we can do with money. And I'm glad you guys are continuing to work and continuing to pursue your callings and continuing to find dignity in doing what you're trained to do. That's wonderful. Keep doing that. Keep earning the money.

And there's three things we do with money. One, we enjoy it. And you need to do some of that. Probably need to get that shotgun if you didn't already. And number two, you are outrageously generous, which you will find once you learn how to do that with care and intentionality will become the most fun you ever have with money. And then the third thing is we invest it. And you should do that with this fabulous income,

and you should do that with whatever money is left after paying off everything out of that million dollars. Okay? So have some fun. And what I do is, and what I suggest to high-performing, high-income producers like athletes that we work with or the occasional Hollywood type or whatever that we run into, and they're living this weird amount of money dream, I just say, listen, put percentages on it. Set a household budget that you're going to run your household on, and everything above that, which would be an excess on your income and the excess of this million dollars, put percentages on it. Say I'm going to put this percentage on my giving and this percentage on my living and this percentage on my investing. And I don't care what the percentage is, but then it doesn't matter what you make.

You're always going to enjoy some of it, give some of it and invest some of it. And it's already preset. So you don't have to think about it anymore. And what that does, it takes some of the – it causes you to intentionally invest, intentionally be generous, and it takes some of the weird guilt crap off of enjoying some of it. So if you, you know, I mean, like I got a guy that was with not long ago he's making 10 million dollars a year okay and he wanted to buy like a 200 000 car which is weird for most people but most people don't make 10 million dollars a year so it's really a very small percentage of his world so if he allocates five percent that's a half million dollars a year to screw around think

about just to screw around with i mean about it. Just to screw around with. I mean, that's pretty good blow money. That's all right. You're getting there. And so you can still go buy that car and not even think about it. Matter of fact, you can buy two of them and drive one of them off a cliff for fun. I mean, whatever you want to do. But what it does, it sets you free from all the weirdness that that many zeros does to your brain.

And you can just say, I'm going to enjoy this. I'm going to give this. I'm going to invest that. And that's what I would do in this situation. And it's nothing to do with baby step four. You need to be systematically investing a percentage that you predetermine of your income and of this remainder of the million dollars after debt free for the rest of your life. You need to be systematically giving and outrageously generous. And by the way, with your numbers, it doesn't take, it's like his numbers, they're not quite as bizarre, but it doesn't take a large percentage to have a great life.

That's right. I mean, it really doesn't when you make that kind of money. Dave, I've run across a lot of people. I've yet zero, never met somebody who wished they didn't give. Have you ever run across that person? I've yet to. Christian, atheist, agnostic, mean, kind. I've never run across somebody who gave money that didn't say that was awesome.

Yeah, as a category, yeah. But, I mean, I've had giving experiences that were less than awesome. I wish I'd given something to this person. I get that yeah but just as well or i gave to this and then i find out later that it was a dadgum you know bad thing there you go so or something like that i've done that but as a category those right as a category generosity has brought me more joy with money than any other category anything and that's not just a philosophical christian fluffy statement it's just it's a fact. That's right. Because it gives you traction psychologically, spiritually. And you go, that just, I mean, $1,000 buys a single mom who's below the poverty level a car.

You bet. Changes her life. It changes her life. $10,000 does it for 10. Wow. I mean, that's freaking fun. Yeah, it is. I mean, and you have to be, you know intentional, and you don't get a junk car,

and it might be a $3,000 car, it might be $1,000. I mean, the point is you're just thinking through this, and you're very precise and very careful, and that magnifies the joy of it. But, yeah, I have had giving experiences where I had regret that I wished I hadn't done it. But as a category, no. Never, never, never. And I've never met anybody that did, that said, oh, I... I don't give.

I'm not a giver. Well, I've met people that don't give, but they're not usually happy people. There you go. You know, givers, there's a thing about giving, about generosity. You know, when you say someone's a generous person, when someone says that, sometimes they mean they give away money. But sometimes they're speaking as a character quality. That's right. It's like that's a person of integrity.

They look me in the eyes. That's a person that smiles. Yes. They're generous. They give of themselves. They carry the groceries to the car for you. And even if they're a billionaire, you know, they help you pick up the rolling around all over the parking lot because the bag fell out of the bottom fell out of the bag or whatever right that guy picking them up look at the truck he gets in

yeah usually that's a generous person and usually they're a successful person but that's an ethos that's a way of being exactly it's a character quality i love it man but it's a guess what like all character qualities is a choice. That's right. You decide. You can just decide. I'm a generous person. And then start right now. Start right now. I'm just going to hold the door. I'm going to put others before me. I'm going to serve.

I don't have to be at the front of the line. You know, all that. And you can just decide. It's just a decision. And you just walk through life lighter. You just walk through lighter. Much lighter. I'm so proud for you, Anthony.

Congratulations, my man. And I hope all this continues to bless you. That puts this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there is ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruz, Chris Hogan, or the rest of the Ramsey Network anywhere with the Ramsey Network

app on your smartphone. Catch all of our full shows, browse by topic, or send clips to your friends. Head to the App Store and download the Ramsey Network app today.