The Ramsey Show - App - How to Navigate Social Media With Your Middle-Schooler (Hour 1)

Episode Date: November 6, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill, host of the popular YouTube show, The Table with A.O., and co-hosting with me is the Dr. John Deloney, host of the Dr. John Deloney YouTube show and podcast. This guy is ripping the airwaves with his wisdom and knowledge around anxiety, mental health. And so today we are just really, really excited to be talking to you. Triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. Give us a call. We've taken a couple of calls.

But coming up on the next segment and for the rest of the hour, my dear friend, I call her my mother from another mother. You'll see what I'm talking about. Dr. Meg Meeker. I don't even know what that means, Anthony. I mean, you know,

this is a Dave Ramsey show. There you go. They'll see exactly what I mean when she comes on. All i love it my mother who doesn't look like me just put it like that there we go but she's an amazing uh thought leader in the whole parenting space um a best-selling author and we'll be talking about her book raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture 11 steps to keep her happy, healthy, and safe. She'll be on here going into the next segment for the

next hour with us. That's for the rest of this hour. Give us a call if you have any questions around your daughter, around your son, around kids in general. Actually, you have three people to talk to. Dr. Meg, myself, and my experience in that space, and then you with your doctoral experience.

And so I'm excited to get a real medical doctor on here. Oh, hey, man, listen, I'm just excited to be in between two doctors, because when you're in between two doctors, you've got to become a doctor. So I love it. So triple eight, eight to triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. The lobby is jam packed with some amazing people out there. So thank you all for coming this Friday. But you know what? Let's jump out to Charlotte, North Carolina, have a conversation with Tom. Tom, good afternoon.

How can Dr. D and I help? Yes. Hi, guys. So I have a question. I'm on baby step, too, and I have about 110K in debt, and I have about $60,000 in savings. And based on the baby steps, you know, what I got to do is take the savings and throw it at the debt and then start addressing the rest of the debt. And basically, we are a single income family with four wives and my wife and two kids.

So what I'm worried about is, you know, I'm going to spend all my savings and then stick with $1,000 in our savings for the next two years until we start saving up for the three to six months of expenses. So my question really is, is there a different approach I may need to consider based on the COVID and just us being single family with single income? Yeah, so talk to me a little bit about this what kind of debt do you have right now Tom right so 90k of that about a student loans and then it's just under 20k on the car payment okay okay what kind of car do you have it's a Honda Odyssey. Honda Odyssey. How much is it worth? How much is it worth? Yes, sir.

It's a two-year-old car. Oh, okay. So it's a 2019. Correct, yep. Okay. All right, all right. I'm curious. Can you sell it and break even?

Maybe. I'll have to check. I mean, right now, I own it. Like, I checked last night, about $17,500. $17,500. So here's my thing. You can sell that. Say you have $60,000 in a savings account. I have a problem with you going and buying a cash car, about $5,000, $5,000, $10,000, and then take

the rest of that money, go towards your debt. Now you're down to about $60,000, $50,000, $10,000, and then take the rest of that money, go towards your debt. Now you're down to about $60,000, $50,000, $60,000 in debt. What do you make a year? What's your annual income? About $72,000. $72,000? Right. Right.

Okay. So you make good money, got a good family. I would say within the next two years, you could be debt-free, 12 to 18 months if you really, really work it. You bought a brand new car it sounds like and so i'm not upset i'm not upset with you because you made that decision uh but how do we fix this decision how do we go ahead and say you know what i want to be debt free i have sixty thousand dollars cash i have a twenty thousand dollar car that i can get rid of today

or sell it here immediately so let me sell sell it, buy a quality car, use, that can get my family and myself around, and then let's attack this student loan debt. Okay, so that's what I would do. Do you see anything here, Dr. D? No, and in fact, he's going to take, after he buys a $5,000 or $10,000 car, he's going to take the rest of that money

and dump it into that student loan. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So everything goes into the student loans. And now let me tell you this, Tom, and I want America to hear this as well. Everyone keeps saying, man, I'm nervous to have $1,000 in the savings account, especially for the next two years and with everything happening. Tom, are you still currently working right now?

Correct, yeah. And I just wanted to clarify. So are you saying you would still suggest to take all of the savings plus the proceeds from the card towards the debt and then just stick with $1,000 in the bucket? Yes, and here's why. Because you still have a guaranteed income coming in. You don't have any issues with COVID preventing you from having any money coming in.

And a lot of people are nervous about that. And I'll be honest. I'm one of them. I'm nervous. I was nervous when I first started, you know, and as I started listening to Dave, when I took this class about almost 12 years ago, Dave will clearly say this is not baby step. Number one is not supposed to be comfortable. It's not.

Okay. We want you to be a little uncomfortable. So that way you're working hard through baby step number two if you're comfortable in baby step number one then you you're going to be coasting throughout baby step number two so when you have that little feeling behind you saying y'all i need to hurry up and get out of debt that brings you a little bit more a little uh momentum and then from there it's like okay i need to hurry up i need to push through this and so for me probably would have took me about four years to get out of my debt situation around that time it

took me a year because i didn't want to play around with it and so um yes i want you to go ahead and pay use all your money from your savings account put it on top of uh your your debt you have a thousand dollars there and you'll be all right. And so a quick run of these numbers, Anthony. He owes $120,000. He sells that car. So he's down to $100,000. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And then he takes $10,000 of that $1,000 and buys a car, a good used car. Right. He's got $50,000 left. Right. So after this one phone call, he can go from $120,000 down to $50,000. Yes.

He's got a $70,000 income. He may get a second job. His wife might have to pick up an extra shift, and they're going to work like crazy in 18 months. They're going to be done with this thing. Rice and beans, beans and rice. They're going to be done with this thing. That's Dave saying. For me, my thing was tomato and hot

dogs. Hot dogs and tomatoes. Gross! Hey, man. It was good. It was good for me back then. My mom, it's easy to get rice. Easy to get hot dogs, and tomatoes. Gross! Hey, man, it was good. It was good for me back then. My mom, it's easy to get rice, easy to get hot dogs, easy to get tomatoes. So we'll just mix that up, and I'll kill it. Put some salt and pepper and butter in there. That was my dinner and my lunch sometimes. See, the lobby's laughing at me because they know that's what's up.

Rice and beans is nasty. Beans and rice is nasty. Anthony, hot dogs and tomatoes. Hot dogs, white rice, and tomatoes. It's good, bro. America, I'm going to have to go take a break for a minute. I'm going to have to go take a break. Oh, man.

Listen here, you guys. Coming up next is our dear friend, Dr. Meg Meeker, bestselling author. And she is killing the world right now in a good way with helping parents relate and raise strong daughters. So give us a call, 888-825-5225. If you have any questions around your daughter, around your son, we're going to take the next three segments to talk about your kids and how we can help you make them a better individual.

We'll be right back. Has your family grown larger over the years? Ours has too. Christian Healthcare Ministries is now helping over 425,000 members bear each other's health cost burdens. CHM offers budget-friendly options to suit a variety of needs, from the ability to choose your own medical professional to a portable program that moves with you throughout life. We even offer a generous maternity option that has helped many couples welcome new additions to the family. Today, many of those babies have grown, gotten married, and have once again turned to CHM. This next generation trusts CHM to meet their health cost needs and be part of a faithful community as they are expecting children of their own.

How about you? Would you like to be a part of our family as you grow your own? To learn more, visit us online at chministries.org slash budget and explore which options are right for you and your family. chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. 888-825-5225 888-825-5225 If you're just now joining us, my name is Anthony O'Neill, Dr. John Deloney, and my dear friend, Dr. Meg Meeker

is joining us here on the Dave Ramsey Show. And I am extremely excited to have you. Dr. Meg, how are you, Mel? I am doing well. I miss you. I miss you too. We were supposed to do smarts back in the spring. Yes. And we didn't. And then we were supposed to do it in the summer. And we didn't. So now we're doing smart tomorrow. It's going to be very different. But I think it's going to be great. I think it's gonna be impactful. Yes. Oh,

yeah, yeah. You're here. You're going to be talking about parenting from your book, Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture. Dr. Meg and Dr. D, what to be talking about parenting from your book Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture. Dr. Mick and Dr. D, what are you talking about? I've got some questions for you because I've got a daughter and I may or may not have something to do with how she turns out. So we're definitely talking about that. Yes, you will. But that's not the question

I asked. Would you ask me? I'm all excited to have Dr. Meeker here, man. I'm pretty fired up. I said, what are you going to be talking about at Smart Conference tomorrow? We're talking about anxiety. Anxiety. A new way to look at it. A new way to fired up. I said, what are you going to be talking about at Smart Conference tomorrow? We're talking about anxiety. Anxiety. A new way to look at it. A new way to look at it. I'm going to be talking about how to manage and build a mindset of success. Awesome. Yeah, so y'all go

to DaveRamsay.com forward slash events. I don't know the address. I wasn't supposed to promote it, but I'm just promoting it, James. Yeah, but check it out and join us. But Dr. dr meg let's talk about your book give the world just a general overview of what this book is about i'm gonna put this up right i'll tell you i wrote um uh raising a strong daughter in toxic culture because you know i've

been doing this for a long time i've been taking care of kids and teenagers for over 30 years now and what i'm seeing is a lot of anxiety parents who are scared to death of the influences of the kids, social media, sexting, you know, and everything that's going on, the sexualization of girls. So I said, you know, I really want to address this because I was getting so many questions from parents on my, you know, Facebook and Instagram and all. So I said, I'm really going to address these issues and help dispel fear, but also to teach parents, don't parent out of fear. You know, you got this. Yeah, there's horrible stuff out there in social media and so forth, but there's something you can do. Don't, don't give up. So I really, it really

came out of just answering the same questions over and over with parents and trying to just quell their fear. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Now you and I have been on smart conference stages for about two, three years now. And one of your things that I have to commend you on that I had, I don't hear a lot of ladies doing this, but you challenge mothers to respect and to include fathers more into the process of their, their children. And I know this book is, you know, a little different, but I want to, I really want to address it to the world.

Why do you do that? I love that about you. Because I can't, you you know it's interesting um again I wrote strong father strong daughters um because I witnessed a lot of great dads and the impact they were having on the kids so I I wrote that and I have because I'm a woman I have the ability to talk to mothers and say things a man couldn't do yes yes you do, you do. Really. Very fair. I can say, look, you know, your husband's in charge of your daughter's wardrobe. Yes. And a man can't do that.

Uh-oh. Yeah. You got a daughter. I do have a daughter. I mean, does your wife let you tell you what you can do with your daughter? No, my wife, I mean, she's more along Meg's line, which is strongly encourages me to be involved in, I think most dads I know try to look at the big things. But to me, it's the little things.

It's the getting down and looking her in the eye. And when I ask her the following, hey, you want to go play family upstairs in her whatever, or you want to go run around and catch the dragons? It's like I just offered a grown-up a million dollars. Exactly. She lights up like a, she'll do anything for my attention and undivided attention, right? Yeah. And it's not always these big, flashy, let's go buy dresses. Sometimes it's just, you want to go outside and catch a dragon, right?

Yeah, or do you want to go change the oil in the car with me? Absolutely. Let's get under the car together. That's what it's all about. And I think that men often – fathers are often a little intimidated to sort of move in and ask girls to do those small things because they feel like, I don't know how to relate to her. You know, mom can relate to her. And I said, no, no, no, dad, move in, particularly when they're teenagers. And that's when dads want to move out because they're, they're lovely 12 year old who

will sit on their lap. All of a sudden comes downstairs one day and says, get away. I can't stand you. You're creepy. Yeah, right, right. Dads take it personally and they go, okay, I am creepy. No, it's all about her. It's not about you. That's right. Yeah.

So to really, and it's kind of what I do in here and raising a strong daughter, I have a whole chapter in dads, a whole chapter in moms and how the influence that they give their daughters is very, very different. Oh, tell me about that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure. Well, you probably know, you know, with a dad and a mom from a daughter's perspective. And I know women don't like to hear this, but dad is huge.

Dad is an authority with a capital A. If they perceive that mom has to be there for them, because if your mom doesn't love you and like you, like you, you might as well not be alive. She's the one person that has to be there for them because if your mom doesn't love you and like you like you you might as well not be alive because she's the one person that has to like you okay okay but a father doesn't you know a father this is just a kid's perspective it may not be real you could have the best dad in the whole wide world but from a daughter's perspective if you if your dad comes along and says you can do something oh you're gonna do it your mother can say oh you can do that you can do that you could you're like yeah you're saying that because you have to you're my mom wow but when dad says it it's a done deal wow in a kid's eyes and particularly daughter's

eyes and so so it's very different if your dad um you know says something to you about a guy that you're going to date girls will go oh you don't get it you don't get it dad but deep down they feel so loved yeah i there were a number of boyfriends my dad drove out of our house are you glad he did i am so glad he did and at the time i was so mad i wouldn't talk to him for a few days. But in hindsight, he knew something and saw something in those guys I couldn't see. So you're saying something is important. And I say it in a different way, which is parents, especially modern parents, are obsessed with letting their kids drive their home. Like, what do you think about?

How do you feel? And I often am telling folks, they are children. They don't get a vote. Right. They don't get a vote, right? They don't get a vote. And they're going to be mad at you. They're going to be frustrated. And they're supposed to be. They're 12, right?

Or they're 14. Let them be angry with you. You do what is wise and what is right. Is that fair? Oh, yeah. I think one of the mistakes that parents make is that they believe their kids are cognitively and psychologically more advanced than they really are. They'll talk to their 12-year-old. They'll talk to their 12 year old.

They'll talk to the 15 year old like they're 21. Right. You make decisions. I can trust you. No, you can't. They don't have all those brain cells yet. You're crushing a kid when you treat him like a friend. You're terrifying them.

They don't have the, they don't have the, they don't have the psychological capacity to carry the weight of your adult friendship in the home, right? And they don't want to have that power. No! It's terrifying for a kid who has that much power. I've seen it over and over and over. When parents abdicate that power and they allow the kids to make

decisions they're not ready for, it doesn't sit well with the kids. It's terrifying for the kids. And it leads kids to a bad place. Right. So y'all two are doctors and parents. Let's get it straight. She's a real doctor.

She's a medical doctor. Yeah, yeah. I am not a doctor and not a parent. So I think like a child in certain ways in this conversation. I'm sitting here like, okay, wait. I understand that I don't have the authority, but at what point should I still feel a part of the family and a part of the decisions you're making for my life? You see what I'm saying? It's like, if I'm your son and you

say, well, hey son, you are going to do this. Should I, should I be a part of that conversation or should I just do what I'm told? I think there's a difference between being seen and being heard, which is a gift a parent can give, and being charged. Yeah. Right? Okay. I want you to, and Dr. Meeker, tell me if I'm wrong, I want a kid to know I hear you.

Right, right. I want you to see me making this decision because that's how I'm bringing you along and teaching you wisdom and teaching you multiple sides of a situation. And I also want to honor my kid by letting him know I have the final call, not you. And I think every child and kid and even teenager respects that. But from what I hear when I talk to young people is, like for an example, they tell me where I'm going to go to school. They tell me what I'm going to do and they don't ask me what do I want to do.

I think that's fair. We can talk about that next segment. Because I have a trick. You have a trick? I have a trick. I love tricks. You play mind tricks on these kids? I've got a five-year-old daughter.

I need all the tricks I can get, Dr. Meeker. Oh, my goodness, y'all. Dr. Meg Meeker, Dr. John Deloney, myself, right here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Listen, we're going to be taking your phone calls in the next segment. So give us a call at 888-825-5225. And let's talk about your kids. Thank you for tuning in. This is the Dave Ramsey Show where Dr. John Deloney and myself, Ramsey personality Anthony O'Neill, are joined by Dr. Meg Meeker, a true doctor, unlike John. Amen. He said that, not me.

I second that. I'll second it. He said that, not me. But we're having conversations about young people, specifically daughters and your amazing new book, raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture, the 11 steps to keep her happy, healthy, and safe. Uh,

I've, I've read all of your books. I just do want to say you have Rachel Cruz on the back of this book and you haven't worked with her as much as you've worked with me. And, um, I am a little hurt that uh i didn't endorse your book because i would have gave you a stronger endorsement than rachel i'm sorry and i love

rachel and i love you and i'm sorry no but america seriously i want you all to get this book uh raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture where's the best place for them to get this book really i i encourage local bookstore but i don't know that you can do that now, but just go online. Okay. Yeah. Go online. Go online. Well, let's, let's take a phone call.

Let's have a conversation with Melanie outside, outside, but in Kansas city, Missouri. Melanie, good afternoon. How can we help? Yes, I have a daughter. My oldest is going into middle school and just how to navigate those years with social media. She already has friends that are on TikTok and other social media platforms. be fighting an uphill battle as we try to limit that and postpone as long as possible, having her have a smartphone as well. It's uncharted territories. When my parents were raising me, it's how do you stand firm like strike that balance with, I don't want her to be completely not on tech at all,

but, um, but just want to keep her safe and, um, have those appropriate boundaries. Before the doctors get involved in this conversation, how, what grade is she in?

Uh, she's in fifth grade, fifth grade. And she's going into sixth grade now. So you're, you're doing some pre-parenting. Yeah. Pre-parent. Look at you living intentionally. Melanie, we're high fiving you. So you're doing some pre-parenting. Yeah, pre-parenting.

Look at you living intentionally. Melanie, we're high-fiving you from Nashville. Way to go. That's awesome. Have you had a conversation? Has she asked to join social media yet? A little bit. I mean, it's not a lot.

She just casually mentioned, like, oh, a friend of mine's on TikTok. Like, why can't I be on it? I'm not ready for you to be on it. Melanie, Dr. Meeker, Anthony, I have some hard line opinions on this. And I'm probably going to be different than Anthony. We'll let the true doc speak first. How about that? Go ahead, doc.

I have hard lines as well. Social media for girls is extremely dangerous. It's evil, right? Yeah, and I'll tell you why. I've been doing this for 32 years now, taking care of girls. And here's what we know, and I've seen it in my practice. The more time a girl spends on social media, the higher risk there is for depression and ultimately suicide. I've seen it.

I feel strongly that kids should not have access 24 seven to the internet until they're older, like 16. I don't, this is a shameless plug. I don't own it. I'm not involved, but there's something new called the gab phone G A B B. Here's the cool thing. It's a smartphone, but it won't let kids get on the internet. It's got cool apps. It's got, you know, you can text, you can talk because kids, if she's on social media, she has access to the internet and the horrible things that happen to girls on the internet. I've, I, I, in our, in our office, in our practice, we had a guy show up who was stalking one of our secretary's daughters and he came from a different state so if kids get into trouble they get into big trouble right personally with my daughter i would never let her on social media

and i can just be the jerkiest mom in the city i don't care and melanie i echo that zero none i wouldn't give my kid a smartphone for nothing i I got a fifth grader right now, and he's already come home and said, Dad, I'm the only one in my class. And here's a parenting message that guides my family. It comes from a buddy of mine. He's a children's author and a teacher in Texas. His name's Nathan, and we developed the parenting mantra of we're going to be the only ones. We're going to be the only ones. And so this idea that I don't want're going to be the only ones. We're going to be the only ones. And so this idea that I don't want my kid to be the only one. Be the only one if it's the right thing to do.

So I draw a hard line on kids and social media. Here's another thing that can make it easier. And when our kids were growing up, I had about three or four mothers, and we all banded together. And we said, we're going to have these rules. Kids can't go out drinking. Kids can't go and see these kind of movies. four mothers and we all banded together and we said, we're going to have these rules. You know, kids can't go out drinking. Kids can't go and see these kinds of movies. So that when we would tell our kids that they knew the other kids, moms were in it with them. Exactly. And, and we gave each other the strength, the moms gave each other the strength to say, no, we're not going to do it.

And we also told the kids that if you ever make a mistake or something happens, you can call one of us moms. We'll pick you up wherever you are. No questions asked. So it made the kids feel that we were a little less crazy that I had three crazy friends too. Yes. And it just gave us a lot of, we were kind of like the mom squad and you know, it worked. Yeah. So all over the country, people are driving, listening to this. And when I said, when you said none, not a little bit, not what they rolled their eyes and said, that's impossible. No. And Anthony, I'm feeling your eyes rolling a little bit.

What's your thoughts? Well, I mean, Melanie said her daughter is in the fifth grade. Right. And so I agree. I don't think a fifth grader should have access to social media and have a smartphone. So I totally 100% agree with that. So Melanie, I want to commend you

for thinking about your daughter ahead of time and stand that ground. But I like what Dr. Meg was saying. Like get some other friends and all of y'all say, hey, listen, this is, it's not just me. It's not just them. It's not even just, it's like we all, that ground but i like what dr meg was saying like get some other friends and all of y'all say hey listen this is it's not just me it's not just them it's not even just it's like we all genuinely care about that you know where i do respectfully disagree come on it's a 16 year old and and i

think sometimes i think that once they get into high school with boundaries, we should allow young people to get on social media with boundaries, with supervision. Here's why. We all know our kids will sneak on. They will find a way to tap into that world. And what I've seen with young people is they've tapped into that world with the parents thinking they're not on there and they were exposed to things without their parents having the opportunity to guide them in that journey. One of the things I loved about my father growing up,

we could only watch an hour of TV every single day, even on the weekends, one hour. And my dad monitored what we were watching because he knew if we if he said no tv we were going to sneak and watch it somewhere else and so i think that rather than cutting it completely off give them some room to walk because the moment i think just watching kids of this generation the moment you say no they will figure out. And you don't want them to figure it out the wrong way without you all speaking into it. I agree. That's why I would get a gab phone.

I like that. And hold it as long as you can because kids can't get on the Internet. You don't need parental controls. And I will tell you, I've never met a parent that wants to give their kid a cell phone. No. They don't want to. But they're going against their gut because everybody has one. Everyone else has one.

First of all, not everybody in the class has one. Okay. And the second thing is come up with a family media plan. Right. Yeah. And that goes back to being intentional, right? Yes. Be intentional.

Intentional. And what I would tell you, Anthony, when it comes to that TV analogy, I think you're right. I often have less concern about what a 16-year-old is watching this way than, and I've seen it for years as well, is the people coming after that 16-year-old. I agree. Who's putting stuff in her phone. Particularly girls. What other girls are seeing, evil things. What 19-year-old guy saw her and met her and is sending her things. What 42-year-old. I'm way

and the TV only goes one way. Right. And I like that. I mean, I agree. Which is why when you see the Gab phone, I've heard a little bit about it and I see it. She's absolutely right. I mean, it's very affordable and it still looks cool. It is cool. Well, I want to have this as a kid and yes, I will, but it's very protective.

They just came out with watches. With the watches. It's really cool. So young people will still feel very, very cool. I'm giving my kid a tin can and some string. You know? My wife tells me I was born in the wrong century, good folks. So listen to me with a grain of salt. America, y'all pray for us. I mean, I'm with this guy every single day.

Y'all pray for us. Hey, 888-825-5225. We have two more segments, and we would love to talk to you about your child. Dr. John Deloney and myself, Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey Personalities. And joining with us this last segment is Dr. Meg Meeker here on the Dave Ramsey Show. We've been talking about your kids and everything around your daughter and your sons. Now, earlier, because we got into a phone call last segment,

but this segment, the beginning of this one, then we'll jump to the phone call and then push your book one more time because I really want the world to get this book. But you said you had a trick. See, I don't like playing tricks on young people, but you say you have a trick to help kids feel like they are a part of something. Exactly. What's that trick?

So we were talking about, do you just tell your kid you're going to go to this school, you're going to do that? Particularly when kids are sixth grade and on. The way I get kids to want to do something is to have them lead the conversation, ask questions. Now, what do you think life would be like at this school versus this school? What do you, what do you think the friends would be like? Where, you know, what, what would this, and you, and you lead the conversation and you lead the kid to kind of give answers that you would agree with. So by the time the kid goes, yeah, you know, mom, I think I would prefer that school. He's decided it, not you. But you've guided the conversation by asking the right questions.

And that means as a parent, you have to know, A, where you want the conversation to go. Yes. You've got to do some research on each one of these places. And again, it goes back to this idea of parenting. You've got to be intentional. And do that when your kids are dating. Okay. Say your daughter is dating.

Uh-oh. Anthony's wagging his finger. That's not a trick. That kids are dating. Okay. Say your daughter is dating. Uh-oh. Anthony's wagging his finger. That's not a trick. That's a setup. Yeah. What's wrong with it? No, it's not a setup. It's teaching.

It's teaching. You're teaching a kid how to think through things. You're modeling what it looks like. It's better than going, you can't go to that school. If your daughter is dating somebody you think is a creep and you say, you can't date that guy, what's she going to do? She's going to fall deeper in love. So you sit down, you sit down and you and you don't. And you say, you know, I like it.

I know you really feel you love him and you really like him. What do you like about him? How does he treat you? And you don't make a judgment. You let her figure it out as she hears herself talk. What are things that are similar to him that are like your dad? That's why I like him. Maybe, right?

But yeah, but Anthony, to get to your point, yes, you can look through a particular lens, through a particular framework that is you're tricking your kid. You are manipulating your kid. I like to look at it as I am teaching my child how to think logically and critically through big major life decisions. I like that. I like that. And you're engaging your kid. They feel heard. And they don't know.

You don't always have to agree with them. But you just keep asking deeper and deeper questions because, you know, once they start to talk about it and they hear themselves go you know he really doesn't treat me that nice and then you say what do you think about that it really you're engaged you're talking they're talking you're listening and it's it's really good and at the end of the day i am free as a parent to say and my money's only going to that college period right my money will not go to those colleges. You're free to go. We are not making Anthony happy.

As a matter of fact, let's just go out to Houston. Let's go to Houston. And help out Emmy because y'all are not helping me out at all. Emmy, good afternoon. How can we help? Yes, hello. I'm trying to make it brief. I have a 17-year-old daughter. She's a senior, very young. She just turned 17 before senior year. And she's a captain of her team on a school bus going to, this is last week, so it's a little fresh, going to an athletic event. some alcohol in her water bottle.

I shared it with one of the girls on the team. They did get caught. She's a very bright kid. Her SAT score is in the 93rd percentile, even higher. Really bright. My husband and I are two professionals. This is the thing. They suspended her for five days. And now they, because of the state law, they want to push at a 30-day off school for her to be off school. So she will miss the entire season for the entire fall.

And she can start back up January 1. So it's really hard for my husband and I because we have four kids, three of them are at universities with great grades, and she's on track to do that as well. But this is just really startling for us. So the question to you is, do we allow these consequences to occur, or do we think we could formulate a pretty good package to present to lighten the consequences too? And my second question is, because it's alcohol, during some holidays, we have been a little bit lenient to let her have a sip here and there like Christmas or New Year's.

And is that wrong as well? I didn't know. I thought if we were too tight with alcohol that, you know, she would go the other direction. It seems like we were trying to be reasonable during the holiday, and this happened on the school bus. So help. So first off, Emmy, I want to thank you for your trust, and I can hear it on you that this hurts.

I want you to exhale, and I want you to know that this isn't a character indictment on you and your husband. Right. Okay? No, not at all. Your daughter's still a good kid. You're still a good parent. And she wrote a paper when she got home because they asked her to exit the game. She said she had to leave the game. She wrote a little paper on teenagers and alcohol. And she's just in red hair. She's a really sweet kid. She's got herself wrapped up in this thing. And, you know, she's such a great kid. I thought

maybe they would break the punishment a little bit, but they're not. Even with her grade, even with her national score, even with the fact that she's captain, they're making her a, I guess, one of the people. An example, right? Yeah. So I want to talk about the grades and the performance in a second. I'm going to let Dr. Meeker handle the initial question. Yeah. Well, first of all, I would ask yourself, and I think I know the answer, did she just

do something stupid? Or do you think she has a drinking issue? No. Or depression? Not at all. Okay. If she did something... You know, I think she's, you know, it's for teenagers, and I hate to just throw it off

the cuff. I have three older boys. We never had any issues, but that's beside the point. But I think sometimes she does get a little sad. I think I see it sometimes. But, I mean, I don't know if that's just natural. Well, here's my question. You have to distinguish between her doing something stupid, she's kind of showing off, she's the captain of the team, and this isn't going to go anywhere.

Or do you think she's self-medicating because there's a deeper issue? It sounds to me me from what you're saying, this is just a one-off. And so, A, don't feel like a horrible parent. That's why I wrote a book, you know, Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture. The culture comes at our kids, okay? And they just respond and they do stuff like this. So, you know, don't be ready to put your daughter in rehab. Right. This is just it. And secondly, yes, let her feel the full consequences.

Because, you know, she really needs to feel the consequences. Because if she doesn't, who knows what she's going to run into in two or three or four years in college. And that's going to be worse. If you let her feel those consequences, it's done. It's over. You don't have to say anything. And before you push this, you mentioned Emmy in that call five different times, six different times, but they get good grades, but they get good grades, but they get good grades.

Doesn't matter. I want you to be real careful about the expectations of good child equals good grades equals good college. Because sometimes, and we can talk about this later, Dr. Meeker, boys will perform for you. And sometimes a teenage girl will feel buried by, I am only worth my performance. And I'm going to tell you, you're going to bury your boys, too. It just takes longer for it to come out for them. But grades, grades, grades doesn't equal perfect kid, doesn't equal perfect or failed parent. Love your daughter.

Connect with your daughter. Absolutely. And I'm glad that Elizabeth and Kelly was looking at me through the window. And I would definitely say this. I'm not a parent, but don't let a minor have access to alcohol. Don't. Right. No, no, no.

They didn't talk about that. I had to bring that up because that kind of made me frustrated a little bit. Like, well, over here we have this problem, but we do this. Right. That plays a small role in it. Yeah. Absolutely. And it sounds awfully similar to your argument, Anthony, about social media.

Just a little bit is good. Yeah. No alcohol. Did you just try and play me right there? I did. I did. I did. That's why it's the end of the segment.

No sex of alcohol. Yeah. America, I want you to go to Me me right there? I did. I did. That's why it's in the segment. No sticks of alcohol. Yeah. America, I want you to go to MeekerParenting.com. Go to Amazon.com. Go to your local bookstore and please get this book, Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture. Dr. Meeker's world-class podcast is out there. It's incredible. Listen to it.

Absolutely. You guys, hey, thank you so much. I want to thank our producer, James Child, and our associate producer, Kelly Daniel. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.