The Ramsey Show - App - How to Regain Trust in Yourself After Losing Your Job (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 10, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And I have to tell you, we are pumped and ready to take your questions. We are not shy. We are not scared. You can bring it. We will shoot you straight. You can follow John at, what's your social media stuff?

All the internets and the tubes and all those, at John Deloney. You can also go to JohnDeloney.com. You can find me at ChrisHogan360 on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all the things. And my website is ChrisHogan360.com. Well, we got questions. And as always, we always ask for social questions. And we love to get these from you. And, John, we're going to kick off the hour here with you.

And this one is from Michael from the Ramsey Baby Steps community. If you all aren't aware, we actually have a Facebook community, the Baby Steps community, where people can jump in and there are different phases and stages of the Baby Steps. But it's all about having community and being connected. It's a great opportunity. But this is from Michael. This is for you, Deloney. It says, we are new empty nesters and are struggling to reconnect.

I feel like I'm living with a roommate. How can we revive a marriage that roommate question that's the that's that's the death bell right that's when you look up and you realize we are roommates we are transactional we are co-running a business of a house together and then when the kids leave you stare at that person across the kitchen table and you say who are you yep hi my name is john like what what can i do for you and so i think you start with a couple of things number one you have to decide i love this person i love myself and we are worth being together and your partner's got to commit to that same thing too the second thing

is is you've got to dig into those things that you fell in love with in the first place because they are still there they may be buried under years of knuckleheaded teenagers and money stress and all the marriage failures that go into those violations of relationships that you have over the course of 10 15 20 30 years but you still think think it's in there? I know it's in there. Is it deep? Sometimes it's real deep. Sometimes it's just under a Band-Aid, right?

Okay. But sometimes it's way deep in there. Sometimes you've got to go get with a professional and say, hey, you know what? We've painted the picture. We had the picture painted all the way through graduation. We didn't have the back half of our life painted, so I'm gonna go

sit with a with a marriage counselor with me and my wife we're gonna together co-paint a new picture of what our time is together and then every day we're gonna live into that you say we're gonna we're gonna create a a picture in hd right we're going to really have something to work towards and the key to all this is it's work yeah and she or he is always worth it well i'm gonna tell you this buddy of mine he just uh he's got a newborn and i i encouraged him to make sure that he continued to build the friendship with his wife that's right um and the kids are great and they're cute and all this they grow up they're supposed to leave right and so this connection with that individual has to happen through friendship but also intentionality that's

the key you can't put it on cruise control that's the key word and you got to learn how to talk to each other again you may have to learn hey what are your interests now because right because our co-interest has been kids for the last 15 20 30 years and oh man you like watching that show i like going out on the lake whatever the thing happens to be and then there's going to be some compromise and some reimagination but the key is as you said intentionality all sitting on this platform of they're worth it our time together is worth it and let's go make it happen well and i'm going to tell you john right now in this situation with the COVID and the shutdown, there's been a lot of people home together.

And together, it's good to miss people. You know that? You know what I mean? Have you ever had family come visit and they didn't know how to leave? Yep. Okay. So it's good to miss people. But a lot of people have been forced into being connected maybe more than they're ever used to.

That's right. And I think it can than they're ever used to that's right and i think it can cause some stress and strain that's right and you've got to reimagine our relationship right we've got to reimagine how we communicate when you say that what do you mean reimagine that means that we most of us run through our life on autopilot chris like i got married and then i go to work and then you go to work and And there is no plan. It's kind of like living with a payment mindset, right? Yeah. And we don't have any space for when I have a back injury or when the tire blows out, right? So we have this picture of our relationship together, which is I go this way to work, you go that way to work.

We dump all our money in the same checking account and we call that marriage. And that's not what it is, right? It's a daily intentional decision. I love this person i'm gonna my day today is going to be spent trying to serve and live into this person and that person's gonna do the same for me yeah it's got to be a two-way street always has to be a two-way street otherwise you're enabling that's right that's right and you can't you're crazy no you cannot so you can't you got to give the effort but michael, I love the question. She's worth it. You're worth it.

They're all worth it. Go make it happen. All right. See, I keep you on here for some reason. That's pretty good right there. That's pretty good. I'm working on it, Chris. Well, I'm proud of you.

I'm working on it. Listen, if you're out there, you got a question for us, send it to us. Social media. Deloney, tell them yours again. At John Deloney. All right. That's easy enough. I'd like to get that right. I'm at Chris Hogan 360 and you got at Ramsey show. Send us some more

social media questions. I promise we're going to dive in. We're going to get more of those. The people on YouTube watching. Thank you guys so much. We always appreciate you. Throw us some questions there. And then obviously through all the social media, Twitter, Instagram, we love to stay connected and interacting with you all. And I want to talk about this real quick. 80% of people don't have this item, and it's imperative. If you don't have this in place, what's going to happen is you're going to let the state make decisions for you. Watch this.

John, where are you from? Texas. Texas. Do you all have any potholes in Texas, in the roads? One or two. Yeah, per inch. They're everywhere. Yeah, all over the place. That's right.

And so if the state of Texas can't take care of roads, do you think they'll take care of your children? It will not be first and foremost on their mind. That's exactly right. My point is this, and in any state, regardless of where you live, you can find a pothole. And you can say the state needs to do something with this road. And you think, wow, if they can't take care of a road, you know, they're not going to take care of your baby. And my point is, is this, you got to have a will.

Wills are important. I've heard all the excuses people use and putting off wills that they're busy. They're confusing. It's expensive. It's morbid, or it even makes you feel uncomfortable. My buddy, John King, he says the only reason in the world to not have a will is if you hate your wife and kids. Ooh. Harsh, huh?

That is harsh. And truthful. It is. The only reason to not have a will is if you hate your wife and kids. Well, that's true. And listen, you want to love your family enough. That's right. It's important.

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Again, that's WILL to 33789. Give your family peace of mind by getting yourself a will. Stay tuned when we come back. We're going to do more social questions. Then we're going to get to the phone. And we're going to give some people some hope. This is The Dave Ram and Show. La, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

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That's Zander.com or 800-356-4282. Hello, everyone. You are listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan. Co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. We are having a blast taking your questions via social media. That can be at John Deloney or me at ChrisHogan360. We'd love to be able to hear from you.

And now we're going to get to the phones. So if you're out there and you got a question and you thought, I've always wanted to call The Dave Ramsey show, or I've always wanted to get my question, I've always thought this or that about the relationship or whatever it is you're feeling right now through this COVID-19 stuff, this is the time to pick up the phone. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We are ready to take your question. All right, we're going to, we're going here to line four. We got Ben on the line.

Ben, what can Dr. Don Deloney and I do for you, my friend? So I got a question about stocks. So I'm $90,000 in credit card debt, and we just sold our 2019 vehicles, both of them. So we don't own a vehicle now. And so I've got stocks that dropped from in the 60s down to the low 20s. And I've got about 600 shares. And I don't want to sell them right now because they're so low. And I know they'll go back up, but I don't know when. And being that far in debt, I just don't know if I should sell out some of it to help me crawl out of the debt. Or if I should hold on to it and wait because the interest rate on the credit

cards as I worked the snowball. Okay. You said you have 90,000. How much of that is credit card? All of that. Holy.

What have you been buying with these credit cards? My wife's got a lot of medical bills. Okay. My kids are in a really high-level athletics. And then I've got a kid in private school. And so I've still got bills coming in from private schools and school athletics. Yeah.

So all of that has just been going over to the credit card? Yeah. Yeah. How many credit cards do you have right now, Ben? Five. Okay. And so break them down for me. The biggest one is how much?

It's about 26. All right.. The biggest one is how much? It's about 26. All right. And the next one is what size? Oh, I'm sorry. We've got 40,000 now that we've gotten rid of the cards. Okay. So 26 on one credit card. What's the next credit card?

About 17. Okay. And any others on the credit card side? i'm going off the top of my head i want to say 11 and 14 somewhere in there okay so that doesn't add up right right and so here here's the deal to be honest with you i typically would tell someone looking at single stocks like that yes you could sell it to help you clean up a debt situation especially if it's a non-retirement type thing and the stocks are not. Those are non-retirement. I would do that. For you, I would say it's going to be more about lifestyle deciding first. I mean, right now you've got credit cards supplementing your life

and you could do this. You could sell that stock and pay off some of the credit cards. I just think until you make a decision, all you would do is run it back up. So, it's a matter of bringing, you've got, lifestyle's gotten out of hand. Like, what's your household income right now? $140. Okay. So, you've got a good income.

Problem is, is that, A, we've got these other things, like the athletics. Listen to me. I'm a former athlete. I get it. But these travel teams that, A, we've got these other things, like the athletics. Listen to me. I'm a former athlete. I get it. But these travel teams nowadays, Ben, it can get insane, the dollar amount you spend. I mean, it really can. And then you feel like, well, you want your kid to be able to do it because they're enjoying it and they might get a scholarship.

We can start to rationalize all this stuff. And the next thing you know, you begin to see 26, 17, 11, 14 in credit card. And so I'm going to say you and your wife sitting down together, you're all going to have to have some serious conversations. And something's got to change. And that way you all can start to take traction. So you've got to take back control so you can begin to be in control. I remember the first time I started making real money. And I had a small credit card. And within two years of making real money, my debt had doubled and tripled.

Because I made enough money that it never occurred to me to tell myself no. And I didn't have kids. You throw in the kids and I want to love them. I want to support them. And I want to be with them, and hey, I want to, you get a coach telling me, hey, your kid's something special, and it's going to cost you this much money, and I'm in. The reality is that Ben in Oklahoma,

$140,000 is a million bucks. It's a lot of money. And you're finding yourself way overextended. I could hear it in your voice, Ben. I could, yeah. You're broke. He's tired, man. He's exhausted.

He's tired. And so I want to give Ben and his wife hope. Her health is on the mend. I know medical bills come up and get us. You have permission. Put your kids in public school for a season. Tell your kids you're going to get one sport and one sport only, and we're not going to drive all over the southeastern United States

to play a soccer game or ride a horse around until your mom and dad get their financial footing ready to rock and roll. And don't feel guilty. Nope. Don't feel sad. Nope. You can hand your kids a racquetball and a baseball bat and a pony, and they'll come up with an awesome game outside,

and they will love their lives. Hey, John played travel sports too when i when i was growing up i traveled out to the backyard with some friends and we got a ball and we threw it okay that's where i traveled and you ended up an all-american well but you played in college in high school but it is you're right though man parents nowadays kids there's a health industry it there's pictures of it on instagram you've got more information at fingertips and kids have more wants than the law can allow and as a parent you being able to say no there's something in you where we want to say yes to everything and it just doesn't make it's not fair to the parent right to feel like you have to because you put yourself in a non-win situation. But suddenly you blink.

You make $140,000. You make more money than 99% of the people on planet Earth, and you find yourself $90,000 in the hole in credit cards. You find yourself having to sell both cars. And that's not how that should be. No, it's not. And so I'm going to tell you, Ben, I want you and your wife to sit down. I want you all to have the conversation that, Hey,

this is enough, enough. And I want you guys to get serious, get plugged over, get over to Ramsey plus where you all can get in here, get plugged in. You've got an opportunity to learn more with this free trial. You know what,

Ben, I want you to hang on. We're going to give you, we're going to give you a year's subscription to Ramsey plus. If you promise to sit down and have the conversations with your wife, hang on. Kelly's going to give you a year's subscription to Ramsey Plus. If you promise to sit down and have the conversations with your wife, hang on. Kelly's going to get that for you. Chris, why don't you tell folks what Ramsey Plus is?

Ramsey Plus, this is a great opportunity for you to have not only the information but the tracking all in your fingertips. If you're there, and Ben is at this point of wanting to say never again. He's not quite there yet, but he can be. And a lot of you have woken up and you've looked at your financial situation.

You go, I didn't have enough. I wasn't ready for this. Right. And every time there's a news report, your heart flickers a little bit or the tension grows when your phone rings because it's a debt collector. And you're saying, never again am I going to be this vulnerable. Never again will anybody steal my joy and my peace of mind. This is the time for you to take control. So what I want you to do is text the word trial to 33789.

Again, text the word trial to 33789. You'll have access to financial peace. You'll have access to every dollar. And you'll be able to track your baby steps as well as have access to a financial coach. So this is going to be a game changer for people. People are signing up. And I want people to know out there, John, I don't care how much debt you have. I don't care if it's student loan debt, credit card debt.

I don't care how much it is. You're not trapped. You're not trapped. You're not trapped. You're a decision away from moving in the right direction today. And you're an everyday decision away from changing in the right direction today. And you're an everyday decision away from changing your life. I want you to hear me. So you don't have anybody telling you you can. You got stuff in the media telling you you can't.

You got family members telling you you shouldn't. And now you're believing that you won't. Here's the reality. Change your mind. Change your mind. You can do it. And it's a matter of thinking differently and choosing differently for you and yourself. You look around. You see where you are. That's your start point. That's the start line. Now, what I want you to do is tie up your shoes, get your courage, and get serious about your future. And when you start changing your mind and you change your mindset, what happens is you start to believe you can. And here's the deal, America. I believe you should. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Welcome back, everyone.

We are excited to take your questions and your calls. John Deloney and I are here, and the number is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We're always excited to speak to you. All right, we're getting to line two. We got Caroline on the line. How are you? I'm good.

How are you? Oh, focus to not finish, young lady. How can we help you today? So I'm in a complicated situation and i'm going to um i'll keep it brief give you a little bit of background and then give two questions okay so basically i've been in recovery from a lot of trauma for the past 11 years, and I didn't really start my journey until last year. And I have been doing my best to take myself out of bad family situations, and I've been grateful to keep moving forward. And three weeks ago, I lost my job, a job that I just started in February due to COVID.

And I'm in baby step four, so everything looks great on paper. I'm all set for six months, even beyond that. But my problem is that I'm still so deep into my therapy work that I feel very disconnected from myself. So it's hard to find my passion as to where I want to go next with my position. And also how long should I take time to focus on myself and how long is it safe to wait before it starts to look bad on my resume and I guess I feel myself freezing up and feeling apathetic but it's really just I'm scared as to like how to like go about like reconnecting to myself how long is it time to wait and I just feel like this was a blessing because I needed the wake-up call to get off the hamster wheel that I was on of using work as a coping tool.

But I just, I'm afraid to create another hamster wheel. So I'm just like stuck in a position of like, how long do I focus on myself? And then when do I start looking for a job? So I first want to tell you, you are further along in your trauma recovery than you think you are. Because what you've just rattled off to me and Chris in less than a minute tells me that you have learned more about yourself and more about who you are and more importantly, your default coping mechanisms, where you go to hide from

yourself and where you go to silence the alarms that are still ringing after a decade of mess that somebody put in your backpack, right? Right. So I want to tell you right now, it doesn't feel like it because the alarms are going off again because you're unemployed and you're sitting in Houston, which is, I just saw a 713 here. So I'm assuming you're in that area. You're sitting in a hot mess, right? Everyone around you is talking about how the COVID is everywhere and the real estate market, all this stuff going on in Houston. I've got family there. And so I'm hearing that with some regularity. I want to tell you first and foremost, you're further along than you think you are. Okay. The second thing is one of the key, ugly, nasty, disgusting parts of trauma that resurfaces is you no longer trust yourself.

Especially if you were a kid, the gap that you feel between somebody when they violate you in whatever way, wherever this trauma comes from, kids absorb that and they fill that gap with, what did I do? And so what I want to tell you is one of the key ways to regain trust with yourself is what you're doing right now. Number one, you're taking a hard road and you're going through the journey. Number two, you are choosing to not just trade hamster wheels, which is a big thing, right? To move from addiction to love to working 90 hours a week. It's all the same thing. It's all the same addiction. It's all the same coping mechanism. And you're choosing to get off that wheel. And then here's the big third thing. It's this idea of little wins. And so I think it's wise to continue your journey,

but I also think it's wise to just go get some crummy job. Go get some job that you can get up and go to every day, whether it's at Whole Foods downtown, whether it's drive and delivery for something, but go get the little wins, the ones that make you have to get up and go be productive today and go kick today's butt. That's my question is because I do, thankfully I had a side hustle that I was doing and it is a delivery job and for me it almost drives me further away from myself because I like I thrive on having some so much like going through my head that I don't have to think about that and so I find myself at the end of the day I'm so exhausted like well oh now I can't focus on myself because I've just you know used all my energy today on this side hustle and so of the day, I'm so exhausted. Like, well, Oh, now I can't focus on myself because I've just, you know, used all my energy today on this side hustle. And so I just feel

like I'm almost stuck in a rut. Like I'm not getting anywhere. That's what I feel like. And that's where I'm like afraid that it's just going to keep continuing. And I'm going to be in the same spot two months, three years from now. And I don't even want to be there, but you're trying to, I see that I don't like this and I want to get out, but I just don't know how because I'm so afraid of creating another addiction. I totally hear you, but you're trying to think your way to not

being addicted. And you're trying to think your way into feeling better. And that's not how this process is going to work. You're going to have to heal from the inside out. And so you're going to get to the end of the day and you're going to be exhausted. And I need you to look in the mirror and say, I did put in a good hard day's work today. I won today. And then I'm going to get up tomorrow. It's not about where am I going to be?

It's not about where it's kind of like you found yourself in the middle of the ocean and you're floating. And that's not the time to start planning your wedding. That's the time to get to shore. Right? Right. The wedding planning will come. Right? The dream job will come.

I can guarantee you because I can hear it. You're putting the work in. And I can hear it that you want to get there. But you got to let your head off the hook. You got to let your head relax. And you got to have little wins and little wins. And then you've got to let your head off the hook. You've got to let your head relax, and you've got to have little wins and little wins, and then you've got to have a community around you. What you're doing, you're doing the counseling work, but you've got to have people in your life.

And, Chris, trauma is a demon, man. It just disconnects us. It disconnects us from ourselves. It disconnects us from our loved ones. And it makes it impossible to feel love with one another. Yeah. Which is the reason we're here. Well, I'm very impressed with her because she knows herself, as you said. She put in the work and was very aware.

And I think you're right. Her getting a job, giving her something to, A, plug into, hopefully getting some people to begin to have some relationship with. But life's not meant to be done alone. And so I'm proud of her for reaching out to communicate about that. And I hope you've got a church near you that you're plugged into. We've got some people around you just because, you know, you are going to get better. You can hear the desire in her heart to really be able to push forward. People so often get to the end of the day and want some kind of validating feeling, right?

Yeah. Like I am working towards a thing. It's kind of like being in the middle of a weight loss program, getting really sick, and then getting frustrated at the end of the day. You didn't get your workout in. Yes. Hey, you know what? For the next week, we're just going to rest. Yeah.

We're going to let our bodies heal. We're going to let our hearts heal. We're going to keep doing the little things. I'm not going to shove cupcakes in my mouth, right? We're going to keep doing the little things. And then once our bodies are ready and our minds and hearts are ready, then we're going to go after that big dream. Right now we are healing, healing Caroline. We're letting her heal and she deserves and she is worth getting well.

She's worth getting well. No. And again, I think, you know, one of the things out there that's most challenging is all the stresses that are going on right now from emotional, all the factors happening in society with people with opinions, that this anxiety thing is a real thing. It's an alarm system. And if your alarm is not going off, there's probably something wrong, right? No, seriously. It should be going off right now.

And that's why we need people. That's why we need real information. And that's why you can't think your way to healing in times like this. You've got to get up and have little wins. You've got to make yourself go have coffee with Chris. You've got to make yourself go mow the lawn. I've got to make myself get up and go to work in these hard, gritty moments, and you're going to get stronger, and you're going to get stronger, and you're going to get stronger. That's good.

No, you're right. We've got to push forward because better is available. And I think it's not meant to be done alone. And so, you know, if you've got family members you haven't talked to in a while, get on there and check in with them. I know a lot of times we're not able to get to people because of social distancing. But I'm going to tell you, technology is a beautiful thing when used the right way. Being able to FaceTime, to Skype. You can get in front of people. You may not be able to touch them, but you can see them.

You can talk with them. You can root them on. Check in on that friend. Check in on that family member. Let them know you care. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. hello everyone this is the dave ramsey show i'm chris hogan and co-hosting with me this hour is john deloney and uh dr d we gave you a social question before now it's my turn uh connor from facebook asked this how can i keep fun in my life while also becoming debt-free?

I understand you're making sacrifices, that you have to make those. But the day I lose my inner child is the day that I go the way of Old Yeller. Wow, that got dark. But here's the deal. Is it okay to budget a date night once in a while? Or should we put it in for 24 months? Well, okay. First of all, Connor, I'm hearing a little whining.

Okay. First of all, I'm just going to call it out. Of course you can have some fun. See, the problem is in our society today, we've equated fun with spending money. Ah, we've equated date night that you have to actually leave the house you don't right you can break out some uno some some phase 10 some skip bow scrabble if you've never heard these words google them they're games i will whoop you in scrabble deloney you're inaccurate but you know what we're gonna play on instagram it's me and you

but listen you can have some fun. I would tell you, Connor, you guys definitely need to have some fun. And when you're chasing down debt, it can be tiring and gruesome because you're saying, hey, this debt's getting out of our life and we're making sacrifices. And buddy, I'm going to tell you this. It's worth it. It is worth it to be in alignment together with your spouse. I don't want you to lose your inner child.

I want you to have some fun, but just reconfigure your brain to understand that fun doesn't have to equal dollars. And yes, you guys can have a date night. You can go out and get some coffee, right? You can eat dinner at home and tuck the kids in bed, get a babysitter, go get a dessert. You can do some stuff. I want you all to make a list. John, I think we tend in our society

now we tend to think in what we can't do instead of what we can do and that language you've hit on this several times that language will make you a mental prisoner it's so limiting he asked a great question how do i not lose my inner child right one of the great parenting advice comments i ever received was don't ever try to make a happy child happier because what happens is you go outside and your kids got a stick in an old tennis ball in a pile of mud and they're at the time of their life and i think i don't want my kid to have a stick in a tennis ball i'm gonna get him a this and then this and then an hour later they're all sugared up covered in popsicles and whatever and i've i've i've tried to make their fun my fun and they're having a good old time in the backyard

and so when i come hear a question like that like i don't want to lose my inner child you nailed it shut up with the whining i don't want to i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but go for a walk with your wife yeah and if you have to buy things if you have to have a big sparkly event yeah for you to feel like a child you need to address that problem because that's a heart problem oh that is not a relationship issue that is not a baby steps issue that is a heart problem you got to find joy and connection with the person that you're married to and you guys should be able to do any number of things even if you're making fun of yourselves the whole time. Yeah.

You should be able to do any number of things that don't cost any money or that are low cost and that at the end of the night will bring you closer together than when you started. See, I like this. All right, here's what I want to do. I want to throw out the challenge. I want you all to go to at John Deloney, at Chris Hogan 360 on Instagram. I want you all to send us, what are some date night ideas you all do? What are some things you do with your spouse?

What are some things you do with your kids that don't cost money? Hit us up. Tag us. Put them out there. I want to start a list and see exactly what goes. I think you will be blown away at the things you can do and have fun. I love it. I love it.

Getting back to the phones. We've got Kevin on the line. Kevin, how can we help you? Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call. I have a retirement question, first of all, and then I'd like to give you a date idea. Oh. All right.

Go for it. All right. So my wife and I are both educators. We're currently on Baby Steps 4, 5, and 6. We're in South Carolina. And our state takes out 9% for our state retirement plan. Right. In addition to that, we put in an additional 10% of our gross into a retirement plan.

So my question is, with that total of a 9% plus the additional 10% that we add, are we good with our 15%? Or would you recommend bumping our 10% contribution up to 15% and then having that state retirement plan as extra gravy? Okay, this is a great question. I love this question. I'm going to learn here too. Go for it, Chris. So Kevin, as you look at this, so right now the 9%, is that a match or is that your money going into the 9? No, that is not my money going into the 9. The state just automatically takes that 9 out of my gross. Okay, so they could, quote, unquote, stop that at any point in time. So I would tell you that, yeah, and looking at that, you want to be at the 15, okay?

And I look at it this way. If that nine were the state match, they could, as a company match, so to speak, they could decide to stop matching that at any point in time. So if you've already got the muscle built to get you to 15, that's the key and that's where you want to be. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay.

All right. What's the date idea? Because Deloney needs help. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So my wife, Mimi and Pop actually had the kids this morning. We had a $3 breakfast date. What?

My wife and I got two bagels. We used Panera's free coffee subscription to get free coffee. And you know what we did? We had a dream meeting. No way. That's right, man. Kevin, you're a dating gangster. Yes, you are. I got to know, Kevin, what was your dream? on the water okay um taking a quarterly uh vacation and purchasing an all-inclusive for the entire family once a year oh i like that and then what was your wife's dream uh we're on the same page we have the same interest um but does her dream include you oh yeah yeah i'm just messing with you, Kevin. Man, fantastic. That is fantastic.

Okay, first of all, Kevin's winning. Kelly, send him a copy of my book, if you don't mind, Everyday Millionaires. He did a $3 breakfast. A date breakfast. A date breakfast. It meant two people. That's impressive. And it was as intimate as you could be because they dreamed together, man.

They dreamed together. And so you start talking about those things that you want in conjunction together. I'm going to tell you something. You might disagree on how to get there, but if you both agree on the destination, stuff starts changing. I'll tell you what. That's pretty good, Kevin. Hey, buddy, you definitely are the winner on this. All right, let's get another call in.

We're going to line three. We've got Jennifer. Jennifer, how can we help you? Hi, guys. How are you guys doing? We're doing good. Good. I have a question about vacation budgeting.

Me and my husband are on baby sex, four, five, and six, so we don't have any consumers. We're just working to pay our house off. But we kind of disagree on how much to spend on a vacation a year. Obviously, you know, we're going to pay for it with cash and stuff. How much do you want to spend, Jennifer? I want to spend maybe more around the range

around $8,000 a year. Okay, what's he saying? And he's more of, you know, maybe $2,000 to $3,000 a year. Okay, and tell me this. What's your household income? We make about $150,000 combined. Okay, $150,000.

You're on baby steps four, five, and six. Eight grand. Where are you going? Where are you trying to go? I think you can get to the moon for cheaper than that. Well, it's two vacations. Well, no, it's two vacations. Two?

So I'm saying we could take one week and one another week. And he's saying just take one vacation a year. Jennifer, did you grow up with a family that took a lot of vacations? Not a lot, but we definitely went on vacation every year maybe did he grow up in a family that didn't take him at all uh yeah see okay this is that merge opportunity you have and so again looking at it if you're splitting it up and you're saying hey we're going to do two that equal around four. How many kids do you all have? We have two.

How old are they? One's two and one's ten. Okay, two and ten. So, you know, splitting it up like that, you look at it and you go, yeah, we're doing two $4,000 vacations. I don't see it as a big deal. What do you think? I'm more with husband on this one. I think we could do two or three or $4,000 vacation.

Okay, stop. You're like Scrooge Maloney. Listen to me. I want to thank our producer, James Child, associate producer, Kelly Daniel, and you, America, for tuning in. We have enjoyed you. We thank you for tuning in.

We thank you for calling in. As always, believe you can and know that you should. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you've heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes or head to DaveRamsey.com.