The Ramsey Show - App - How To Set Financial Boundaries With Family

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

George Kamel & Dr. John Delony discuss: Setting financial boundaries with family, Dealing with a spouse who refuses to work, Where to start with paying off your debt. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

I'm out. From Ramsey Network, this is The Ramsey Show, where we help you get control of your money, get ahead in your career, and get on the path to being well. I'm George Campbell, your host, joined today by Dr. John Deloney, and we are pumped to take your call, America. The number is 888-825-5225. We're pumped. Pumped.

Pumped. I don't use that word enough, John. You should. You've got to bring that back. It's time. Hans and Franz, we're going to pump you up. We're ready. We're pumped.

I'm also from Boston, so sometimes I'll slip in wicked. It's wicked sick. P.S. Go Celtics. Go Celtics. I watched the game for like four minutes, and I feel like I'm a fan now. You're back on the wagon. I'm back on it, man. Back in it. People love to talk to me about sports. So don't call in and talk about sports. We're here to help you with money, with your mental health, your relationships, boundaries, your life. That we have some expertise in and we're pumped and we are pumped to take the call. Markita kicks us off in Charlotte,

North Carolina. Markita, welcome to the show. Hi, George and John. How are you guys doing today? We're so great. We're pumped to be with you. What's going on? I'm pumped to be with you guys. Okay, so my name is Markita.

I'm 24 years old. And I'm calling because I'm going to need a new car soon. And by new car, I don't mean like a new car. I mean like just new to me. I'm going gonna need one soon um because the car that i drive now it's a 2017 honda accord with about 62 000 miles on it or so the problem is the car belongs to my dad the title's in his name and he paid it off last year and he drives a 2005 chevy tahoe with like probably like 300 miles on it. So that car is on its last legs.

And so he told me he doesn't think it's going to make it until the end of the year, really. So I really need to try to find my own wheels because I kind of feel like I need to give this car back to him because this car is on its last legs. Okay, you're saying you feel like you need to. Has he said, hey, I want the Accord back? Not directly, no.

And are you, so this is paid off, you said. So you don't have any financial interest in this car currently, right? He just kind of let you have it? Yeah, so this car has been with me through college and everything. So he, like, was paying for it and everything. But I was, like, paying for it and everything but i was like paying for you know of course any type of maintenance or like gas and stuff like that and like registration inspections i was paying for all of that kind of stuff but as far as car payments and insurance

like he was taking care of the car my mom was taking care of insurance so the question is was this car a gift is it technically your car i feel like this was more like a loaner car until i got settled on my feet and could afford my own car there's a lot of feelings here what has he actually said I feel like what has he actually said to you there's been a lot of subliminal messaging as far as like okay Marissa

you got a full time job now so it's like you know you probably want to get come on now you probably you know have you thought about getting a car Marquita that's super not subliminal it's pretty direct how old are you again Now you probably, you know, have you thought about getting a car? Markita, that's super not subliminal. It's pretty direct. Pretty direct.

How old are you again? I'm 24. And what do you do for a living? So I work for the state. I work for the state of North Carolina. Okay. And do they pay you enough to get a car? Absolutely not. No, have uh multiple streams of income

from from other forms of employment um so yeah i'm definitely not trying to go into debt with getting a car because i'm you know i'm almost i'm almost done with baby step two i got like probably like the end of the year and then i'm out so i'm not trying to go into any more debt however i've been looking around for little beater cars and i'm just like no take your dad's hey take your dad's Tahoe trade him trade him straight up trade him for the Tahoe I would trade him back that's a great move and I'd keep the Tahoe and actually here's what I would do if I'm you I would give him 350 dollars and say dad I'd like to buy the Tahoe from you and he's gonna say oh it's a piece of junk it's whatever say I know uh but this the court is yours I'm gonna buy

it for 350 dollars and it's gonna be mine and then you can take it down to the courthouse and get the title and that will buy you another year or two okay okay and then you can

give him his car back you can stop with this is the and listen from this point forward remember this phrase clear is kind when somebody gives you

something and you're like I don't know if say is this a gift or is this a lot right be very clear let that be a part of your language and a part of your spirit moving forward when somebody gives you something and you're like, I don't know if it's a gift or is this a lot, be very clear. Let that be a part of your language and a part of your spirit moving forward. When you're dating somebody and they're like, do you not want to go or do you want to go?

Be clear, right? And your life will be infinitely easier if you do that. Yeah. Markita, what's your income? It's about, take home was about $38,000 or so per year. Okay. How much debt do you have left? I have about $7,000 or so. I've got $5,000 left on the student loan, about $2,200 in medical, but I started out way more with student loans. So I've been paying this off since the pandemic started when I graduated from college. Excellent. Way to go. That's fantastic. What do you do for the state? I'm a clerk at a courthouse. Okay. You have a law degree?

No. I might be pursuing that one day, but right now I've got to pay off this undergrad debt before I can go to law school. I want you to become an attorney, because I want attorneys like you out in the world, okay? With that sense of responsibility. That's fantastic. Listen, you're getting

way, way underpaid. I can tell by talking. Listen, you're getting way, way underpaid. I can tell by talking to you. You're too smart. And you have too much charisma. You bring too much to the table to make $38,000 a year. I don't say that to people who make 38 grand. I'm not saying they don't have those things. I'm saying you are worth more than you're being paid.

Okay? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So I would get on the ball. I want you making $50,000 by the end of the summer. I'm dead paid. Okay? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. So I would get on the ball. I want you making $50,000 by the end of the summer. I'm dead serious.

Okay? Okay. Make it happen. Just get on the phone and start calling people. You're a clerk. I mean, you know what I'm saying? And by the way,

it's a buyer's market for law schools. You'll get in. If you had good undergraduate grades, you'll get into law school. You don't need to be a clerk just to get into law school. And go get out of debt,

save up for law school, and then go do that. Okay. Is that cool? Thank you, John. I appreciate that. And hey, cruise the city in this dope 300,000 mile old Tahoe. Yes. That Tahoe has been through some things, okay? 2005 was when I was in kindergarten, okay?

So I'm 24 now. That Tahoe has been through some things. Hey, call it vintage. That makes it cooler these days. That's exactly right. That's it. You just drive a vintage car. Yes. And someone's going to door ding it. You just drive a vintage car. Yes. And someone's going to door ding it, and your first response is going to be laughter, not rage. Right? So you're going to be good to go.

Way to go, Markeeta. Hey, call us back when you're dead free. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you, guys. Wow. That was worth my Friday just to do that for Markeeta, John. And I'll tell you, that is a true statement. When I drove, I had an 09 Honda Civic

up until about a few months ago. And I love, so we had a storm come through Nashville and a piece fell off of my house, onto my hood of my car. And I was like, well, that just added a little more personality. I have, I drive an old truck and I'll never forget, I was in a parking lot.

It was in Texas, it was 11,000 degrees out. It was hot. I was checking something on my phone before I got out. A mother pulls in with two kids in the back. Getting two kids out of car seats is just a nightmare. She got one out. That kid was just a rascal, you could tell. She was getting the other one out.

He just kicks the door. It slings open and hits my truck. The first response my body gave to the world was, I just died laughing. just kicks the door and it slings up and hits my truck and the first thing out of the first response my body gave to the world was i just died laughing yeah oh man and i saw her she looked at that and then she we made eye contact and she and i was like no that's why i drive this car because i could you know i could care less and i just have a lot less i have no angst in my life about it right so what it is that is an underrated piece of driving a clunker is that there's no anxiety about taking care of making sure it doesn't...

My new car already has a scrape on it, John, and it gave me deep anxiety. That was my bad. Sorry about that. No, I scraped it on my little tiny townhome garage. Barely fits this boat of a car. What am I doing, man? What? It's not a big car.

I know. It's an even smaller garage. No, no. Just blame my bad driving, John. Why don't you just go do that? It's fine. You're a bad driver. Hey, no, just blame my bad driving, John. Why don't you just go do that? It's fine. You're a bad driver. Hey, we got more of the show coming up.

Give us a call, 888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. I get asked all the time, when in the baby steps is the right time to buy life insurance? My answer is typically now. Life insurance is not part of the baby steps because it's needed when your family has debt and not enough savings to provide for their financial needs. That's when they're at the highest risk. And no matter where you are in your baby steps, it's a necessity, not a choice. This includes working husbands and wives, as well as stay-at-home parents. It's pretty expensive to replace those stay-at-home parent responsibilities.

I only recommend term life insurance, since it's the most affordable way to get the right amount of coverage and not break your budget. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. These are the guys I personally use. Term life insurance is inexpensive, and your family needs this no matter where you are in your baby steps. That's Zander.com. Or call 800-356-4282. Zander.com. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined today by bestselling author,

number one bestselling author, I may add, Dr. John Deloney. Own Your Past, Change Your Future. Launched earlier this year. John, you're still recovering from the book tour and the chaos. Yeah. I thought all week it was Tuesday, and it is not. It is Friday, John. I'm figuring it out. The year is 2022.

Who is the president? Do I need to test you here to make sure you're still with us? Barely. Reagan. Ronald Reagan. Here we go. but no it's yeah second term george w uh no it's yes been a wild wild ride man yeah well the feedback's been amazing i've i love seeing it you reposted on your instagram people are starting to really connect with the book and that's pretty wild it's got a new second life to it which has been really neat it's awesome as the friends tell

their friends you go you got to read this book. That's the only way I read a book. That's the greatest. Emmett Smith was one of the greatest running backs ever, but he had the greatest offensive line ever. When Dave Ramsey's out blocking for you, you're going to get off the line. It's when two months

down the road when people start saying, hey, you've got to read this, and they buy two copies for their two friends. That ripple effect starts to happen. That's awesome. That's pretty neat. down the road when people start saying, hey, you got to read this, and they buy two copies for their two friends and then that person, that's when you know, okay, we're into something. That's awesome. That's pretty neat. Well, proud of you, man. Thanks, dude. All right, let's go to the phones. Lynn joins us up next in Jacksonville, Florida. Lynn, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, thanks for having me. Absolutely. What's going on with you? So I have a little bit of a situation, um, with one of my in-laws. Um, they have some pretty poor money habits. I'm actually, um, on baby step two myself. Um, and so I'm having to unlearn some

of my own behaviors when it comes to money, but my in-laws kind of have this habit of not budgeting their money, not spending their money wisely. And then occasionally they will have these instances where they don't have enough money for their necessities and they reach out to family members asking for their support. And for the longest time, I was somewhat enabling this behavior and I would give them the money and everything like that. And I tried to set some boundaries and for a little while it was working, but now it's kind of fallen back into those old patterns.

And so my question to you is, is how can I help them without enabling them and also, you know, lay those boundaries? Because it's just becoming an issue, and I'm feeling some negative emotion towards them because of this and being put in this unfair position of trying to get my debt and my money sorted out and then also having to take care of some adults. Can I ask you a question before we get into the in-laws? How is, is this your husband's parents?

Yes, my husband's side. So how is he in this conversation? He is upset about it. The, the strange thing is, is that the in-laws have learned to approach me and not him. Oh, so, okay. So this, this is 95% of the time, this isn't an in-law issue. It's a spouse issue. But you're the problem spouse, not him. Yeah. That's fantastic. Okay, so this is a way simpler conversation. Way simpler.

What do you get out of giving them money? Because you get something. What is it? I feel like I'm helping them because they also have children in the situation. And so for me, it makes me feel like I'm helping them and making sure that they're taken care of. So beneath that, because you know that by giving them money, you know intellectually that you're not helping them anymore. You're enabling. Yeah. And so you're getting something beneath the help.

What is it? Honestly, at this point, I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it, and that's why I'm so upset about it. But beforehand, when I was enabling this behavior, before I kind of wised up a little bit, it was the validation of I'm helping, I'm feeling like a good person, things like that. Yes, yes. And so anytime we go searching for external validation, it always ends up in a mess every

time. And some people, it takes 25, 35, 45 years to figure that out. You were lucky that it happened to you early on, right? Yeah. So I wish, George, you hop in here. I wish I had a more complicated answer. But really, it's you and your husband getting down, sitting down and coming up with, here's our boundaries. This is what we will do. And this, by definition, is going to define what we don't do. And then we're going to make that very, very clear. And then I'm going about my day. Because my in-laws who I, my personal in-laws who I love, never asked me for a dime, they don't get a vote.

And my parents don't either. And your in-laws do not I love, have never asked me for a dime. They don't get a vote. And my parents don't either. And your in-laws do not get a vote from this point forward. And anything beyond that is you needing to wrestle with you, not them. You hear what I'm saying? So, Lynn, if I'm in your shoes, here's what I'm doing. I'm going to have my husband have a conversation with him and say, Listen, we love you guys. We want the best for you financially.

We want to see you win. We can no longer help you financially, but we are going to continue to help you. And here's how we're going to help. We're going to help you set up a budget. We're going to help you figure out where your money is going. We're going to help you get your income up and cut your expenses. And they may not want that help because it's the help they need. It's not the help they want, is it?

And here's what you're going to do. You're going to define what type of help you're going to give like george just said we will help you we'll buy you total money makeover in fact we'll send you a copy that you can hand to them okay we will um help you with a budget we'll help you every month but that's the help we're going to get and if they throw a fit and they walk away they are choosing to not accept your help and chasing them around trying to come up with a fit and they walk away, they are choosing to not accept your help. And chasing them around trying to come up with the help that they will receive, which is usually cash, is not help. That is you trying to find some external validation that, by the way, you don't need. You're pretty awesome.

Right? Thank you. I appreciate that. And we all want our in-laws to like us. All right? We all want our in-laws to like us. We all want that. That may not be in the cards for you because it sounds like your in-laws are really struggling or they're immature or they've got addiction challenges they're working through.

Who knows what's going on in their life. But for this season, it may not be. You had this picture in your head, I'm going to get married and my mother-in-law and I are going to be close. My father-in-law is going to be like my second dad. That may not be the picture. And so you and your husband, you say, I down and grieve that because it's not reality. You hear what I'm saying?

It doesn't look like you thought it was going to look and then we're just going to make some very clear boundaries. I'm not giving them any money. I'm just not. I'll help coach you along, but I'm not going to keep throwing money into a bottomless pit. Lynn, hang on the line. We're going to send you a copy of the Total Money Makeover. I'm also going to gift you one year of Ramsey Plus.

That might be something you guys do together. That could be cool. Just watching all the videos in Financial Peace University, that includes every dollar premium so you can help them set up that budget. I think that's going to be a really cool gift. And the more buy-in they see from you guys wanting to help them, maybe it could cause them to go, wow, these people really care. We should actually do this stuff. They're really putting their butts in the line, their time, their resources into helping us. Let's just do do it what's the worst that can happen we're not going to get more broke and here's the deal if you i've heard the conversation about kids quite regularly um the best rescuing quote-unquote you can do for those for somebody who's not

providing for their children somebody's abusing their children or somebody's neglecting their children is to call the proper authorities in your community and you're you're going to be made for somebody who's not providing for their children, somebody who's abusing their children or somebody who's neglecting their children, is to call the proper authorities in your community. And you're going to be made the bad guy and, oh my gosh, you're the worst and all that kind of stuff that happens. But you just giving money to mom and dad is not filtering down and supporting

and taking care of those kids. It's not. They've got to change this thing from the inside out. Yeah. Hang on the line. Austin will pick up. We'll get you those resources for you. All right.

We are back on the road, John. It's been fun doing some of these events, Orlando, Vegas. I had a good time, man. Good times. Those were fun. It's fun just being around real people and connecting and hearing their stories. It's inspiring to me, and I'm excited because we are heading to your home state, Texas, to Dallas, October 22nd. It's a full day on a Saturday.

Smart Conference is back. It's been three years since we've done this. This is all your favorite speakers on stage, empowering you with tools and principles that will create unstoppable momentum in your life. This is not another pep talk. This is thousands of people coming together under one roof to learn how to build wealth, how to achieve their goals,

strengthen relationships, get their careers in order, and so much more. And you're not just going to learn, you're going to have a good time too. Smart Conference is known as one of our most fun, entertaining events. All of our Ramsey personalities will be there, Dave included, and some special guests, Craig and Amy Grishel from Life Church will be there as well. The event passes start at just $39. I'm telling you, this is like an 8 to 5 event. I mean, just going to the movies right now is $20. My wife just texted. We were going to surprise the kids and all go tonight.

It was going to be $68 for us to go see a movie tonight. Hard pass, unless it's Top Gun. Super hard pass. That's why you're wearing a leather jacket. That's right. I feel like I'm Tom Cruise. Not going to lie. You are Tom Cruise.

$39, folks. Go get your passes. We'd love to see you in Dallas, Texas. Do it before they sell out because tickets are moving. People are ready to get out of the house and go to events again. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash events to learn more, and we will see you in Dallas, Texas on October 22nd. More of The Ramsey Show coming up. We'll be, America. This is The Ramsey Show.

I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Deloney today. And in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Jesse is with us. How's it going, man? Good. It's all right. Where are you from? Outside of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Wonderful. And you made the trip all the way here to Nashville, Tennessee to do your debt-free screen. Right. Yep. Very exciting. How far is that trip? About 1,500 miles. Wow. That's a long walk, man. I'm glad that you made it. Good to see you, man. So tell us, how much did you pay off?

I paid off $65,900. Wow. How long did that take? About 42 months. Nice. And what was your range of income during that time? From $52,000 to $61,000. Nice, man.

What do you do for a living? I work as a sound engineer for the state of South Dakota. Fantastic. Engineers. That is the number one millionaire career. Did you know that, Jesse? Yeah. And you're well on your way now that you're debt-free, man. That's awesome. So what type of debt was the $65,900? It was credit card, car, and student loans. Ah, you live in that normal life, man. Live in La Vida Broca, as John likes to call it. Only John says that. I'm sorry that you had to be

in proximity to that joke. You're welcome. Take us back, Jesse. 42 months ago, you decided, you know what? These payments aren't so fun anymore. What happened? It was kind of a variety of reasons. So it was kind of when I was a teenager, I got a call from a debt collector.

I didn't have any debt or a bank account at the time. Another one was a breakup. And then the second one was my grandfather was not very good with money my yeah so that kind of gave you fuel to go not that's not going to be me my story's going to be different uh tell me about this breakup what happened uh just this is kind of a mutual thing but it was kind of um she was kind of teaching an fpu class at the time i was like i'm not sure if i want to go and so i was like i'm gonna go on a at the time, and I was like, I'm not sure if I want to go. And so I was like, I'm going to go on a trip to Michigan. And then so a couple months later, kind of a mutual breakup.

How did you get connected with our crazy crew? It was kind of funny. My cousin had a wedding in Upper Michigan, so I had an 11-hour trip from there to Mitchell, back to South Dakota. So when I got out of Minneapolis, it was late at night, so I was skimming through the channels, and then I came across the Ramsey channel. I was like, well, I guess I'll listen to it for a little bit. They were talking about how people didn't have to take out student loans to get into college. I was like, well, I guess I could have done that.

I was like, I know there are scholarships in my high school. So I was like, well, okay, I'll keep listening more. I'm kind of like, oh, slightly jealous. Then you went down the rabbit hole. You went, I think I can do this stuff. That's awesome. So you had a moment that was like the earth shattering moment.

Today I'm going to commit to being different. Tell us about that day. I just remember going to the bathroom and saying I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I looked at the guy in the mirror and said it's time to go. That's hard to do and go.

That guy's the problem and that guy's the solution. Good news and bad news. That's hard to do. That's hard to do and go. That guy's the problem and that guy's the solution. Good news and bad news. That's awesome. So what was the hardest part on this journey, getting out of debt? I think saying no and then also kind of maintain a grocery budget. I kind of like to kind of eat a lot. So it's like, oh, food. Oh, that's right. I got to eat rice and beans. Oh, that's awesome, man. So did people think you were crazy for doing this stuff? Did you have cheerleaders along the way? What was the consensus?

Yeah, a lot of cheerleaders, a lot of challengers. My FPU coordinator, Nancy, my parents, my boss, Jeff, Tyler and Amber, Teresa, and my coworker, Jeff. Oh, yeah, Tyler and Amber. Teresa and my coworker, Thomas. Man, you had a whole crew supporting you. That makes all the difference, having people in your corner cheering you on when things are hard. Whoa. Take us back to a time. What was the hardest?

Like there was a night that was just the dark night of the soul. Like what am I doing? I'm missing out on this. I'm not able to do that. If I eat another bean, literally I'm going to spontaneously combust. No more legumes. No more legumes.

Take us back to that moment and you powered through. I think the hardest one, in April 2020, I got in a car crash. The guy came 30 miles an hour, hit my car, T-bone, kind of spun the car.

So I was kind of mind boggled a little bit. I was like, okay, we'll see what the claims can do and kind of work it out. But, yeah, eventually the insurance came back around. They said they valued the car at $13,000. Then the current loan I had at the time was $10,000. So when they paid it off, I was like, well, is this kind of unusual? We have money left over for you. We'll send you a check.

Yeah. Wow. And you're doing okay? Everything's good health-wise? Yeah, it's good. Yep. All I got was a bruise right here, so a little nice little spot kind of went away. Damn.

Yeah, well, that's definitely a bump in the journey, to say the least. Right. So how does it feel to be completely debt-free, paying off almost $66,000 in 42 months? Oh, it's great. I feel like I have options for the future, and I don't have to go like, okay, I've got to save money for my past me, but now I can save money for future me. Amen. Yeah.

Man, well, we're so proud of you. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I think the first quote that comes to mind was a quote a while back when I started. It was that discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments. Ooh, that's good. I think a lot of the self-discipline, just perseverance and just kind of working out details. Yeah, man.

So much more than your money, it changes you. Right. And that's huge. And now there's nothing you can't tackle. Now that you've built that discipline in one ear, you go, I can do that over here and over here and over here in my career and my physical health, and it's huge. And now there's nothing you can't tackle. Now that you've built that discipline in one ear, you go, I could do that over here and over here and over here in my career and my physical health. And it's inspiring. We're proud of you, man.

You ready to do this thing? Yeah. Okay. Well, we got a copy of Dave's number one bestselling book, Baby Steps Millionaires. That is absolutely the next chapter in your story. We're also going to give you a copy of the Total Money Makeover to inspire someone else's debt-free journey along the way. And on top of that, we're going to give you a gift card for one year of Ramsey Plus, which includes all the videos in Financial Peace University, every dollar premium, a budgeting tool, so you can hand this to someone or experience it for yourself and keep you

motivated along the journey. Thanks. Awesome, man. All right, let's get to it. It's Jesse from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. $65,900 paid off in 42 months, making $52,000 all the way up to $61,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Uno, dos, tres. I'm debt-free! Yes! 1,000% yes. Amazing.

Dude, he brought the metal core on that one. I loved it. That was visceral. Yes. I felt that, he brought the metal core on that one. I loved it. That was visceral. Yes. I felt that in my triceps. You don't have triceps. Okay. Fair point.

But yeah, you felt that, I know. That was incredible, man. Wow. Way to go, Jesse. So proud of you, man. Good stuff, man. Is it bad that I'm kind of biased towards a rip-roaring? Sometimes people go through a death-free scream.

Everyone's great. Everyone's got their story, and everyone's personality is different. Sometimes they have this great story. Like, I did it. I persevered. I came through. I'm debt-free. And I always think, come on.

A hundred percent. Low-key, I'm pretty sure the booth rates the debt-free screams behind the scenes for fun. Yeah. Oh, man. They're drinking the hand-rate back there, too. That was a 10 out of 10 from the booth. That's a judge. 10 out of 10.

They're all holding up the cards. They say 10 out of 10. That's amazing. The Jesse shows up here and brings the thunder all of 10 from the booth. That's a judge. 10 out of 10. They're all holding up the cards that say 10 out of 10. That's amazing. The Jesse shows up here and brings the thunder all the way from South Dakota. He's got some pipes. Yeah, he does. He's definitely in a metalcore band on the side. That's exactly right.

And you've been to a lot of those shows, John, so you would know. I do like those shows. That's amazing. When you, just as a reminder, I know you've talked about this a lot, George. Tell the audience what it feels like when you – oh, no, buddy. Anything? It feels like you're just on a cloud. You just feel lighter, like physically lighter.

When you say that, I'm like, all right, that sounds like you're – okay, that's cute. Like you literally walk lighter. There's a new level of confidence when I walk around. I wear leather jackets now, John, because I don't have a mortgage. Which makes me want to hang on to my mortgage a little bit longer. You'll get there. I'll get there. You'll get there. That's fair. You just kind of walk around and every paycheck that comes in

you get to decide what happens to every dollar so you're in control, you have options, you've got freedom, you have margin and you make decisions differently based on all of those things. So we see an opportunity where we can bless someone, we go let's do it. It's not a conversation. We don't have to save up.

You just go, yeah, absolutely. Let's go out to eat. It changes everything. So if you're not debt-free, highly recommend it. And you can do it. Jesse did it, and we're rooting for all of you who are on the journey with you. Yes, thank you so much.

More of The Ramsey show coming up. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney. And we are taking your calls, and we are pumped to take them, aren't we, John? That's right. We are pumped. 888-825-5225 is the number to call. We're like an 80s basketball team. Sure.

That's what people think when they see us, John. No, they don't think that, but they do when they hear us say, I'm pumped do you use that word in like your regular language yeah that's hip like your wife's like hey let's go out tonight you're like i'm pumped no i don't use that term with my wife it's with the bros you know me and james were hanging out on the weekends and he's like hey you want to um play our fenders and listen to some joke was james has never hung out with me i know he doesn't do that but uh i'm gonna play some fenders and listen to some sad... No, the joke was James has never hung out with me. I know. He doesn't do that. That's fine. But I'm going to play some fenders and listen to some sad songs, and you're like, I'm pumped. That's more like it. That's how that goes?

Yep. Well, our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Well, that was a subtle turn there. You like that transition? Somebody's a radio pro. Their 100% satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure, which John is prone to do, or you pick the wrong color, which I am prone to do, they will remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. And you

know I love a good deal, so use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. All right, today's question comes from Katie in Texas. Katie writes, my spouse and I are newlyweds and debt-free. He works in construction. However, he finds every excuse he can not Katie writes, three months. We both had COVID last year and he stayed off work for two months because he had lingering fatigue. He recently got sick again with a seasonal cold, but he still hasn't returned to work. He says he chose his career so he can stockpile money and stop working when he feels like it, but his lack of vision disturbs me. The money he stockpiles will run out and he's not saving for our future. He's saving for his leisure time. How do I start a discussion with him about his lack of motivation to work? Okay. A couple of things here. Number one, Katie, you're conflating a lot and I'm reading between the lines here, but you don't believe that he's actually sick

and you don't believe that he's actually tired. You believe that he's lazy. That's how you wrote this. If he's got long COVID, if he's still struggling with stuff, he needs to go to a doctor and begin the process of getting healed, beginning well, right? And for some folks, that's a mess of a journey. For others, it's a matter of changing some things and getting the right medications that they need to go get well. So that's number one. So let's move this over and let's assume he doesn't have, um, relative tragic, uh, long COVID here, which I've heard about. Okay. Let's move that over. Let's suggest that you got a husband that's just lazy. He doesn't want to work. He's got some scam figured out

where he can work two days out of a month and make enough money to slide by and keep his halo subscription going. This is a hard George, a hard conversation to have. And it does not start with you're lazy or you're never work. It starts with, I'm scared. I'm scared about my future. I'm scared about our future. I'm scared about what's next for us. And your lack of, um, leadership, your lack of getting on the same page with me, makes me feel completely exposed. I'm not sleeping. I'm not able to go about having joy in my life because you are not a part of what we're doing here.

And that is a radically different conversation. Fewer people respond more viscerally to that conversation. There are out there idiots like, I'm just being me, bro. That's a whole other that's a left turn here but most people when you come at them with you need to sell the truck or you need to fix this you got to get off your butt they go into fight or flight they shut down the conversation is over when you sit down and make it about you i'm scared i'm not okay because you're not you're

not in this with me yeah that's a different path forward. Well, and these are newlyweds. I go, man, this should be like an exciting time. You're having fun. And this doesn't sound fun. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of excitement. Unless he feels like, I got my meal ticket, right? I married a steady paycheck, and now I can just sit at home. Yeah, I mean, they're debt-free, which is good.

But I still can't imagine that you can just not work for a few months and be okay financially. So now this was a line that got me, John. He says he chose this career so he can stockpile money. I don't choose a career for that reason. It's a terrible reason to choose. So I'm going, he needs to find work he actually enjoys because it's clearly not construction. Right. He doesn't like construction.

He doesn't like it. He chose it because he thought it's easy money which if you've been in construction it's not easy money but you can work on a job site for four days and get paid and they'll pay you that week and take a few weeks off which is a terrible way to do life because there's going to come a moment when that four day work week

doesn't exist and then you're broke but yeah this guy hasn't shown up for his life you know what I mean that's the bigger problem beyond the not going to work he's not engaged in life But yeah, this guy hasn't shown up for his life. You know what I mean? He's got no interest in his life. Beyond the not going to work, he's not engaged in life. Yeah, he's completely unplugged. And in this marriage.

He's a child. To your point, she needs to go, hey, I don't feel good about this. I feel unsafe. I want you to be excited about our future. Yes. And that means caring about goals, caring about how we're going to get there. Caring about yourself. Yes.

Looking in the mirror and saying, I'm worth a life better than a couple of days slinging bricks at a site and then staying home for the next two weeks. That's a totally different thing. And if you're sick, if you actually are not okay, sometimes guys like to flex and be like, oh, it's cool, bro. I just want to stay at home. If you're not okay, go to the doctor. You know what I mean? Go get the help you need. Go see a counselor.

Get the help that you need to show up for yourself and for your wife, man. Life's too short, dude. Life's too short. Agreed. Thanks for the question. Thanks, Katie. Terry joins us up next in Austin. Terry, welcome to the show.

Hey, how's it going, guys? Thanks for having me. Great. How can we help? Tell me how to get myself out of this giant hole that I've dug. Describe the hole. Well, I've been looking over the numbers, and I'm showing I'm right at $37,500 in credit card debt. If I add my credit well, credit cards, my car, and then if I add student loans, that adds about $45,000 to it. It adds $45,000? What's the total amount of debt?

Yeah, so student loans and credit cards are right under $80,000, like $77,000. Okay. What's your income? Right now, it's about $45,000, $40,000 to $45,000 a year. Okay. What's the car worth? I just got the car a couple months ago. Honestly, I could probably sell it for maybe $3,000 less than I paid for it. How much would that be? I show right at $30,000.

Sell it. Sell it today. Immediately, today, this weekend, gone. Well, the issue I have is I only bought... No issues. Just sell it. Just sell it. Just sell it.

It's my source of income, though. Your car is your source of income? Yes. Describe that. So I was working DoorDash full time, um, making about $1,500 a week. Um, and then the car that I had, which was paid off in my name, it, I blew a hole in the block and I went a month without being able to get work or do anything because I lived in the 20 miles from town. So I went out and got this car because it's easier to walk into a dealership and get a car with no money than it is to walk into, you know, a shop and get your car fixed

with no money. And my plan was to get rid of, like, after I get my debt squared away, fix my old car and didn't get rid of this car. Terry, here's the deal, man. I have to have a car to make the money. There's no reason you had to go out and get a $30,000 car making 40 grand all in the name of I do DoorDash.

What are you doing, brother? So we can help you get out of debt all day, but we got to get to the root. I know you're trying to get by, man. You're just digging the hole and making it deeper and deeper and deeper. And I know it feels like you've got to be running because you're scared, and I get that, man. But you've got to stop, okay? Stop. So, Terry, what was the credit card debt in?

You had $37,000. What were the purchases? It's just usually paying bills and stuff to get by um like i said 30 grand of that is the car um if i exclude the car it's closer to five grand okay well selling the car is going to clean this up you need to find a way to produce more income it may not be doordash maybe a career change to start making 50 60 70 even if it's for a short time. Yeah, get after it. But this is going to take some intense sacrifice. It's going to have to take a mindset shift where you go, debt is not an option anymore.

No more debt. You don't need a $30,000 car. Get a $5,000 car, man. And I want you to feel the sacrifice. And it's not going to feel good, but when you're debt-free, you will say this was 100% worth it. And we can get a nicer car later when we have the money for it. Thanks for the call, man.

This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.